Issue #83 - July 2008
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Right In Between
Well, June has come and gone. The Lakers didn't win the championship like I wished, but at least I can say they had a good year. Better than expected seeing that Kobe was ready to bolt out of town, and the team was thought to be too young. There's always next year.
This month there aren't very many updates. I've added one picture to Vista Drive, unless you don't include the ongoing 365 project (where I post a self-portrait daily). If you count that project then there are a month's worth of pictures.
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Afterthoughts : A Year Ago
A year ago this month my cousin got married, and today she's about four months away from giving birth to twins. It is amazing what a short time a year is, but also how long it is as well. I had a great time at my cousin's wedding. My companion that day was someone I wished be more than a friend. Alas a year later and that friendship has withered away and for all intent and purpose is dead (perhaps a better word would be dormant). I wish that there was a way to not love her and be her asexual friend. My attraction to her went far beyond the physical, but was based on her intellect. I miss that about our friendship. But to try to rekindle that friendship would mean having to endure her new relationship. And that is something that I would not be able to deal with, because I would constantly feel that I should be the one she choose to be with.
I wish her the best in life. I will always remember 2007 as my year with Sylvia. The time I spent with her, hanging out, doing to my cousin's wedding, and our many, many meals will always be in my memories. I've moved on, but I still cherish those moments because they were special to me. I was quite willing to share my life with her for as long as I could. At the end I had but a year with her. Some might say it's not enough. I would affirm that, but it was still wonderful. A year later I've not spoken to her in about six months. It's better that way I suppose.
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Editorial : The Dirty Look
I seem to be the king of the dirty look. Not giving but getting. Anywhere I go I am bound to get a dirty look. I wasn't sure why, but these days I know when people are giving me the dirty look, and why. It's simple, I don't fit their labels, their idea what is normal. Normal is boring. I don't go out and intentionally look to cause people to give me dirty looks. My natural actions cause people to give me dirty looks. In the past I would notice their looks and mollify my actions. These days I don't give a damn what looks I get. If anything, when I get a dirty look I now amplify what I'm doing to get even more dirty looks. Because If I'm going to get a dirty look, it might as well be for something good. I've embraced the dirty look in my direction, because of the simple fact that I know where it's coming from. If the people I detest give me dirty looks then I know I must be doing something right. I don't seek their approval in any sense of the word, because their approval means getting the approval from a bunch of selfish sheep without brains. I used to think, "Why must that person give me a dirty look," and think to myself that I was doing something wrong. But today I take the dirty look as a badge of honor because it means to me I'm doing something right. I'm not fitting into the stupid little boxes people want to put others in, and that's a good thing. So shoot me a dirty look, these days I'll smile right back at you.
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Etcetera : There Is A Girl
There is a girl online whose picture I often look at on Flickr. I can't help but look because of many factors. One is her beauty. The second is her artistic quality. And finally, because I think she's unique. I don't want to speak out of school, since I really don't know much about her. I'm "friends" with her. We've commented on the other's pictures, and exchanged emails for a while. But I can't really say that I know much about her. All I can positively tell you is that I like her photos because they chronicle her life. Her pictures show her stripped of any pretension. I admire her work because it's who she is. She says she's not pretty, and complains about her nose, her eyes, and other body parts. She possesses much more than physical beauty. Her grandest possession is artistic strength and vision. I hope she never stops posting pictures.
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Read previous installments in the Elsewhere archive
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