I said it and it's true, 2008 has been great. February is known for Valentine's day, but the reality is that love is more tragic than wonderful. In that vein this newsletter will point to the real meaning of love, tragedy.
Also in this update, Vista Drive gets the traditional monthly update. In addition, 17 gets some new reviews of local Los Angeles restaurants in The Grill section.
Afterthoughts : The Second Half Begins
I think one of the worst feelings is knowing what's coming yet still being hurt by the result. I KNEW the moment I sent Sylvia the text message pictured right that the response I would get back was not what I wanted to hear. I knew it yet I told myself to hold out hope that perhaps she felt the same towards me. Alas, it wasn't meant to be.
That moment, early New Year's morning, will be the defining moment of the second half of my life. It might be the moment when the second half of my life actually began. Because I can honestly tell you that at my age this was the last best chance at something special with a woman. From here on out it's going to be scavenger hunt for scraps. I'm now at a point in my life that the window of opportunity is not just closing, but closing fast. Is it any wonder why I wanted so badly for this to work out? As I wrote in a recent journal entry:
"... this one event finally shown me that there are some things I can't wish for. There are some things that are simply ALWAYS going to be beyond my grasp. There are some things that I will never experience, have, enjoy, or share. THAT thought finally clicked, and all the tumblers lined into place."
I haven't been an advocate of wishing for a long time, but I have been an advocate of hope. While I still believe in hope I'm also a realist. Another recent entry illustrates what I mean:
"... we can wish for things but that doesn't make them come true. Matter of fact, NOTHING ever makes them come true. Certainly hoping is akin to wishing, and hoping doesn't make them come true either. Trying to talk yourself into them being different is the same as hoping, and you know how that works. Certainly fooling yourself can't make them true either, because that would be like talking yourself into them being different... and so on and so on. Accepting is a little thing but it makes ALL the difference. Accepting isn't giving up or giving in, it's just accepting that no amount of wishing, hoping, or anything will change things."
So I accept my fate, not entirely willingly but now with more of an understanding that I can't change things. I can't move the immovable object, or stop the unstoppable force, no matter how hard I try. I tried, but there aren't any more tries left in me now.
I loved a woman, but that fact alone did me no good. Her rejection was expected and predicted, but I still held out hope that something might change her mind. That something doesn't exist. What's so crazy is all I ever wanted was to love her for the rest of her life. All that I ever wanted was to give her the abundant reservoir of love I have inside me. Oh well.
Etcetera : A Look Back at January via Photos
I like looking back at pictures because they serve like a photographic memory. A picture will trigger the memory in me and I remember the event better than I could without the picture. So I'm going to post some pictures here to look back at January, the first month of the rest of my life.
This is a picture of Sylvia on New Year's Eve. Technically I know that makes it December, but the crossover is there. It was really one of the few new years nights that I actually did something other than watch reruns of old shows at home until 1 a.m.. It's also, as stated above, the demarcation point that I have determined will mark the beginning of the second half of my life. Pretty significant night, if you ask me.
About 24 hours after the picture above I went to a hockey game. Going to it wasn't just fun it was an omen that showed me everything would be all right. It's not often that something can be seen so clear, but I did see that on that night. Everything is going to be OK.
This is the exterior of the Glendale city library, where I now work. This was taken the first day I arrived for work. I was both nervous and excited. Towards the end my previous job was not only mind-numbing it was terrible. I sought an exit and this place gave it to me. I'm quite happy to be working there.
This is the circulation desk at the San Marino library, where I work. I literally love the job, even though it has been a hectic first week. I missed the training session earlier in the month, so I'm flying by the seat of my pants and learning on the job. But you know what? It's super fun. What a month, and this year has only begun.
Etcetera 2 : Chris Rock on Love and Relationships
Chris Rock is easily this generation's Richard Pryor. Watch this clip about love and relationships and see just funny, and correct, this man is.
I think one of the worst feelings is knowing what's coming yet still being hurt by the result. I KNEW the moment I sent Sylvia the text message pictured right that the response I would get back was not what I wanted to hear. I knew it yet I told myself to hold out hope that perhaps she felt the same towards me. Alas, it wasn't meant to be.
