Afterthoughts : It's Been Two Years
In the hurried life I currently lead, what with school and work, I
nearly forgot that it has been two years since my Grandmother's
passing. It seems SO hard to believe that it's been TWO year
already.
Two years ago today I stood at the foot of a hospital bed as a doctor
declared my Grandmother dead. The pain of losing her started a
couple of months earlier when the diagnosis of cancer was given to
us. From that moment on my Grandmother seemed to lose the will to
fight anymore. It's understandable that a woman eighty-two years
old would not want to fight a devastating illness such as cancer.
She would often tell me that she had lived a long enough life, and that
she had grown tired in her advancing years. Her eyesight was
going, more so in the last few years. She didn't feel well for
the last couple of years of her life because of stomach problems that I
now realize was the cancer. I didn't know it then but the pains
she complained about in her stomach was the cancer that would
eventually take her life.
Two years later I think back and wonder what would all of our lives
been like if she had survived the cancer. I know things would
have been very different for me. I was the closest person to my
Grandmother. I spent the most time with her, and took care of her
nearly 100% of the time. When she asked me if I wanted to see her
suffer or let her go I couldn't answer the question from the pain that
I felt at that moment. I slowly came to realize that she was
asking me to let her go. And even though I fought the good fight
in my heart I knew that she was right, I had to let her go. I
was, by far, the hardest thing I've ever been asked to do.
Everything now pales in comparison to that moment.
Her actions in life and facing death inspire me more than
anything. She faced death with honor and strength, and never
wavered in her faith. She is a testament to the human spirit in
all of us. I don't fear very many things these days, least of all
death, because of how she faced both life and death. My
Grandmother was always my personal hero. With a forth grade
education she survived in this world on pure will and strength of
character. She moved to a new country at the age of 50 to start a
new life for herself. How many people would dare start a new life
when most people are settling into there old life? She persevered
in a country that didn't ever make it easy for her to survive.
She survived and adopted this country as her own, becoming a citizen in
her 70s because she loved this country. Her home was here, her
family was here, and she knew her body would remain here even after she
passed.
It's hard to think that so much time has passed since my Grandmother
passed away. I still miss her so much. I'll think of her
and start to cry because I miss her immensely. In March my Mother
will have been gone for ten years. I find it hard to believe that
both of them are gone now, and that some day I'll be saying that my
Grandmother has been gone for a decade. I know the sorrow will
not pass, because it never really does. You never really stop
missing those you love.
