Afterthoughts: This Past Month

This year is now labeled as the year of the gut punch, by me, in this journal.  Let's... let's get to the update.  Sigh.

Friday, November, 1, I was tasked with moving the old marketplace furniture from Casa Verdugo to the Grandview branch.  When I placed it next to the van I started to pick it up to place it in the van when the thing separated.  The bottom stayed on the floor while the top part went with me.  I threw them both into the back of the van.  I figured I could connect them when I got to Grandview.  Thankfully I was able to connect the two pieces.  I could see that there was glue on that part that came apart.  No one will be the wiser.

The problems with the bookmobile keep getting worse.  Like so many endeavors that turn out to have a fatal flaw, this was years in the making.  This bookmobile is a failure from long before we even saw it.  Grigor told me last week that Krishna turned to him one day and told him to design the bookmobile.  Having zero tools he went ahead and used MS Paint to create the blueprints for the bookmobile.  Only they didn't go with that design.  He was trying to find it in his emails, but no luck.  Sometime after Krishna took a crack at designing the thing, as far as I know.  Well, now the problems of having zero idea what you're doing have come to light.  The fucking car weighs too much.  Apparently the custom part of the vehicle, everything that's not the actual van from Ford, weighs too much.  These dopes now have to weigh everything in order to make sure that it's not too full, because the fucking axil might fail.  I have to haul a bunch of items to the park, because the bookmobile can't have anything extra in the back.  How stupid is that?  How does the coach maker make this mistake?  They supposedly build custom bookmobiles for libraries around the country.  If this shitty thing is an example of their work than lawd help us all.

Albert was telling Jade and me about how he's going to take over driving the bookmobile from this point forward, because Jacklyn doesn't feel comfortable driving it.  Mainly because the bookmobile is so big.  But, also because she put a dent into it the other day while backing it up into the dock area.

Jade also told me that Jacklyn locked herself in the old outreach van.  How do you do that?  Panic.  She panicked and didn't realize that she could have used the side door to get out.  She was only trying the back doors.  For some reason they wouldn't open, and she panicked.

Jacklyn is not having a good time with the bookmobile, to say the least.

I stopped by the market after work in order to get some booze.  I had a thought wondering if Lisa worked at this time of the day.  Sure enough, when I left the market I saw her walking up to the building.  Boy, her ass does speak to me.  What does it say?  It says a lot of things.  Mainly what I hear is eat me.  Ha!

This one lady online that I follow called PlantGal posted a picture that's a good example of what I proposed to Talia and I would do online to make some money for the both of us.  I had this idea that she could pose with food on various body parts.  Like a Big Mac sitting on her ass, similar to the picture above.  I thought there was a niche that we could fill without having Talia have sex online, or showing her face.  I don't know how much we could have made, but it never happened.

Saturday, November, 2, I have worked with some pretty girls while at the library.  Savana is one of two sets of sisters that have worked during my time at the library.  I used to think that her sister was the more attractive of the two.  Tonight Savana's figure was looking GOOD.

I worked the day of the dead celebration at Central today, but I wasn't the photographer for this event.  I'm OK with that.  There isn't much to report about the shift, so I'll just show a couple of pictures.  The one above is of my coworker Yvonne and me.  She dressed to the nines.  The following is of the altar.  In years past there have been up to a dozen altars on display.  But that was before they used that space upstairs for the new teen room.  Another fail to come.  But that's something for another day.

After work I booked it up to Chevy Chase canyon to see the house I see when I make my delivery to the Chevy library.  The haunted house wasn't open, but I still got to see the decorations.  Good times.  For years I've seen this display during the day.  This is the first time I made the time to see it at night.

Sunday, November, 3, I love the posts from the Valley Relic museum.  They posted a picture of the old ice skating rink at the Topanga Plaza in Woodland Hills.  As a kid I would often look into the rink, though I never ice skated.  I didn't know how.  Today that area is the food court.

I ran into Lisa at the market.  I talked to her for a few minutes.  She mentioned Halloween and asked if I dressed up.  I told her I did.  She said that she couldn't afford to.  How is that possible?  I know she told me long ago that she made over 60K last year, but that her rent was killing her.

Which brought up the topic of things that are traditions here, but that growing up I didn't follow.  One thing was trick or treating.  As a child I NEVER went trick or treating.  It's not a Mexican tradition.  Neither is Thanksgiving.  Lisa said they don't celebrate that in France either.  Yeah, this I know.  I've now started dressing up for Halloween.  Lisa said if she had dressed up she would have dressed up as a cowgirl.  I would like to see that.

Monday, November, 4, On Sundays I do my laundry for the week.  My aunt will often take it upon herself to fold my clothes.  I have never asked her to do this for me.  She always takes it upon herself to do this as some sort of courtesy, I can only suppose.

Last night I was getting my clothes ready for Monday and Tuesday.  I went to the dryer to get my whites when I noticed I only had one bag and three pairs of socks.  I change my socks every day, and the last time I went to the market (Sunday) I used four bags.  How do I end up with only one bag and three pairs of socks?  How?  My aunt gave up, or got tired, or just couldn't reach the other items, and folded the other four pairs of socks and three bags.  I wish she would just leave my stuff alone.  All I want is to be left alone.  I do appreciate that she wants to help fold my clothes.  Predictably, I don't like how she folds my clothes, or how she leaves them all over the place.

I'm tired.  Tired of her meddling in my life.  We share a house, due to circumstances outside of our control.  Ever since my Grandmother died we have been in this dance.  Like two suns orbiting each other.  We are tied to each other, for better or for worse.

Krishna has still not emailed us about where the books that are routed to the bookmobile are supposed to go.  My supervisor, without my knowledge, took the bin I put under the delivery table and made it official.  There is now a bin that is labeled bookmobile on top of one of the cabinets.

I knew that Krishna would not send out any email about this.  That's no surprise.  No one wants to email anything, because email is an official city communique.  If you write an email the city has to store it somewhere.  And in say, something like a lawsuit, lawyers can ask for those emails.  This is why these dummies don't want to send any emails.  Not because they're going to get sued, but because they don't want to have anything in writing.  They don't want their mistakes to be on the record.

There is a guy that sits outside of the Montrose library when I make my deliveries there that started talking to me today.  I've exchanged good mornings with him since he first started showing up about a month ago.  Today he was real chatty with me.  He asked me if I had ever watched the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High.  Yes, I have seen that movie, I told him.  He was super happy, because the ladies at the library he talked to last week didn't know the movie.  What does he expect?  Emma is in her thirties, which is about ten years younger than the movie.  Desiree is in her late twenties, so unless someone in her family loves that movie there is NO WAY that she has seen it.

Inspired by the movie this guy ordered some pizza, a la Spicolli, for the library staff.  OK.  Only thing is we can't really take anything as a gift or a tip from patrons.  Kerri told the guy that, and I don't think he was too happy.  He came outside and handed me two slices.  Gracias.

A few weeks ago Grayce told me that she had a friend that she wanted to fix me up with.  I didn't hear from her since then, so I figured the lady backed out, or a million other things happened.  I didn't give it a second thought until today.  Grayce asked me if it was OK for her to give her friend my number.  OK, I said.  Now I don't know what to do.  I found her friend online, and I'm not exactly attracted to her.  Mind you, pictures don't tell the whole story.  Another part of this equation is the fact that mentally I've been getting myself ready for a life of a bachelor.  I even had the idea of creating a video series called A bachelor dot dot dot.  With the dots saying something like, a bachelor eats.  A bachelor visits so and so.  Hopefully you get the idea.

I will have to contact this woman and see what happens.  I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to deal with an old man like me.  No one does.

Tuesday, November, 5, I arrived at the Autry about twenty minutes early, so I figured I would kill some time taking some pictures at the old LA Zoo ruins.  I don't remember the last time I went up there.  Back in 2011 I took pictures of TheDesire at the old zoo ruins.  I texted her if she remembered that place.  Of course she did, she said.  Those were some of my best pictures.  Too bad she didn't pose nude for me.

For this week's Tuesday Adventure I went to the Autry museum.  I don't remember the last time I visited the Autry, but it's been a long time.  There are many places to go for my adventures, but I'm also limited by time and distance.  I'm also limited by how some places are closed on a Tuesday.

The Autry is one of many museums in town that have an exhibit associated with the Getty's Pacific Standard Time.  I've now been to a few of the PST exhibits.  This one was interesting, because it had a lot of things related to the atomic blasts in the dessert.

I get hungry before going into work on Tuesdays.  This prompts me into getting something to eat before I start my shift.  The easiest place to grab a bite has been the Costco parking lot hot dog cart.  They have yummy Polish dogs.  Last time I went was when I went to the Natural History Museum.  But now that I think about it, I should just buy a package of dogs and put them in the fridge at Casa.  I could save some money by having all the ingredients with me and just cooking up the hot dog at work.  The Polish dog is yummy, but it is $6 a pop.  Not expensive, but that's $36 a month.  It adds up.  I can save that money and still have yummy dogs for lunch on Tuesdays.  We'll see if I can even find any Polish dogs at the market.  I don't remember seeing any.

I started work at 1pm, but today felt like a full shift.  The hours went by super slow today.  I turned around and it was only 3pm.  The hour before my lunch just crawled.

Grimace was looking online to see if there were any election results.  I told her it was too early, seeing as it was around 4pm and the polls in California wouldn't close until 8pm.  Not only that, but the polls back East would not close for another hour.  Her checking the early results made me anxious.  That anxiety continued after I got home from work.  I originally thought to have my aunt's lentil soup and a slice of pizza from the other day for dinner.  Since my stomach was queasy it was all I could do to eat one small slice.  As I write this it's past midnight and I'm drinking.  Booze kills all those anxious thoughts.  Thank the maker.  I told Vagabundo tonight that I will need a lot more booze to get through all this.

Wednesday, November, 6, This has definitely been the year of the gut punch.  But as my buddy would probably remind me, if he were reading this, the gut punches are going to come more frequently and they're going to hit harder.  What with the election results.  Is there any better reason to become a Vulcan?  This thing hasn't hit me.  I feel numb.  I feel like no matter how many times my buddy said this was going to be the outcome, I still had this belief that people would see through the con.  They didn't.  They bought it.  All the snake oil.  And now we will all suffer.

I finally mustered up the course to text Sonja, the lady Grayce wants to set me up with.  We basically exchanged texts about the election results.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do in these set-up situations.  I feel obligated to text this person, because Grayce must think that we would be good for each other.  We'll see what happens.  I'm not expecting anything from this.  Perhaps I shouldn't think that way, because it might be setting up this thing for failure from the start.

I told TheGirl that I've been eating spaghetti and meatballs all week, after she suggested going to Isabella's in Burbank for dinner tonight.  She suggested going there because it's chilly at night.  I told her I would eat something other than spaghetti, but I ended up having some chicken parmesan.  Which is a dish that comes with spaghetti.  Oh well.  These dinners are about friendship and companionship with TheGirl, Cheyenne and Chan.  That's what's important , the time spent with each of them.  Cheyenne especially, since she is getting older.  I never pass up a chance to kiss her and let her know in some way that I love her.

Thursday, November, 7, There are only two storytimes left before Vivian takes a Winter break until January.  Which means no MILFs in the morning until then.  The nice MILF with the big behind hasn't shown up since that one time she was here.  Damn shame.  Today we had a mix of regulars and new people.  One couple brought their child in and didn't go into the storytime.  They just wandered around the library.  Maybe they were getting their child used to going to the library.  I didn't question them.

I finally went on a walk at lunch.  The heat in the summer makes it difficult to take a walk after lunch on Thursdays.  Not so much because it's hard to walk in the heat, but because I sweat and I don't want to come back to the desk all stinky.  But, now that the weather is cooler I can go walking without the worry that I'm going to break into a huge sweat.

It felt good to walk today.  The weather was so nice.  I didn't take a long walk, just about fifteen minutes around the neighborhood.  After Tuesday I think I needed this.  I really should get back to walking when I'm at home as well.  I have a treadmill.  I haven't used it in nearly two years.

Friday, November, 8, I was really sleepy last night.  I passed out around 9:30pm last night, and when I woke up about an hour later I was still sleepy.  I brushed my teeth and went to bed.  I was tired.  And then I'm awake at 4 this morning.  The clock in my room, which used to belong to my grandmother, is on the fritz.  For a while now it's been blinking, but the other day I noticed that the time was about fifteen minutes faster than my watch.  I reset it and didn't think anything of it.  When I woke up this morning I saw that it was a few minutes after 4am.  But it wasn't until about fifteen minutes later that I noticed my phone and the clock didn't match.  I've never known that clock to be fast.  I think that clock is something like thirty to thirty-five years old.  I remember my grandmother wanted a clock for her room that had big numbers.  She also didn't want something that was too bright.  That's why I got her this clock from Radio Shack.  Remember Radio Shack?  They used to have some cool things, like this clock.  I don't want to chuck it.  But what good does it do me if it's going to potentially make me late by running fast?  I'll have to see what I can do.

I really like how people are willing to just drop my friendship at the drop of a hat at the slightest perceived slight that they feel.  Case in point my buddy Dane.  He told me awhile back that he wanted to hang out and go to Universal.  I'm not too keen on that, but I was willing to go.  Only thing is the motivation isn't there to get the tickets.  Dane texted me today, and I knew it was about hanging out.  It takes so much of my energy away hanging with anyone.  Also, I have things to do.  The last time we hung out it I was still feeling the effects of me taking two vaccines the previous day.  He must think I do this on purpose, because the previous time I had that speedy heartbeat.  I don't, but I also can't say that I really want to hang out with anyone these days.

In his text after I told him that he has to give me more advance notice he is clearly mad.  If this is the end of this friendship so be it.  I thought I was a good friend to him, but what do I know.  I'm done.  This year Jennifer dropped me as a friend, and clearly TheNewCute doesn't want anything to do with me either.  As witnessed by her silence.  Well, I'm done with this.  If people don't want my friendship so be it.  I have other things to do.

As part of the Pacific Standard Time exhibit sponsored by the Getty the library has three books hidden at three of the branches.  The dusk jacket explains the project.

This project by experiential futurist Stuart Candy playfully explores potential implications of today's cutting-edge research, by creating the dust jackets for books from the future - imaginary titles that might be published decades from now - and hiding them in the library for curious readers like you to discover.

I've now found all three of them.  Someone asked me if any of the patrons are participating, but I honestly think the patrons don't know about this project.  I know about it because it was in an email.  I don't think they've marketed this AT ALL.  Which is typical of these dopes.  I know this, because the books have cards inside, like the old days when you had to stamp them to check them out.  They are like guestbooks, and a person that finds the book is invited to sign their name on the card.  My name is the only one in any of the books.

This last book was harder to find than the other two.  I looked under olympians, chess, cyborgs; bionics and sports.  For some reason it was in the 791s, which is performing arts.  To be precise, the book was in 791.4372, which in Dewey is Recreational and performing arts.  I thought the chess piece on the cover might mean something, but apparently it's supposed to be part of the story.

Sunday, November, 10, The video above is pretty funny.  Not much more to say about it.

Earlier this week I saw a thing online that mentioned how the Freegal app allowed me to stream music for free.  I thought it might be a good idea to download it and maybe stop paying for my music service.  Well, that was a good idea, but the Freegal app doesn't have a lot of the songs I like listening to.  As an example, I tried looking for Stevie Nicks, but had no luck.  I thought perhaps I misspelled her name, but after checking I was sure that I had the spelling right I didn't get good results.  There were others I couldn't find.  So yeah, it's a nice app but it won't replace my pay service any time.

I ran into Lisa at the market.  She was complaining about how one of her clients made her carry a large bag of dog food into their house.  All I could do was check out her body.  She looked super nice today.  Her butt is so very nice.  ARGH!

Mari, a coworker from the library, is friends with TheLooker.  They both attended the wedding of another coworker this weekend.  Mari posted a couple of pictures of TheLooker on her feed (see above).

Monday, November, 11, I bought my aunt and I a pair of turkey sandwiches from Mendocino farms yesterday.  She didn't like hers, and I didn't like mine.  I bought something called November to Remember.  Which had roasted turkey, melted mozzarella, mushroom & turkey sausage stuffing, spicy cranberry chutney, shredded romaine, herb aioli, on toasted cranberry walnut wheat.  I didn't read that until I started writing about this, but I thought that the stuffing had nuts.  Turns out it was the bread, and I didn't like it.  Once I took the turkey out of the sandwich the rest of my meal was yummy.  The turkey was good.

My aunt didn't like her sandwich.  She said that it had horseradish on it, and that it was too spicy.  I checked, because I couldn't remember horseradish being in the sandwich when I ordered it.  Sure enough, I went and checked and this is what's in the sandwich.  Roasted turkey, applewood smoked bacon, white cheddar, pickled red onions, arugula, truffle-mustard aioli, on toasted brioche bun.  I ordered it without bacon, but did you notice that there wasn't any horseradish on the list?  I ate her sandwich today and it was good.  Much better than my sandwich.

I don't know why she tastes horseradish.  Maybe her taste buds are shot.

Tuesday, November, 12, Glendale is supposed to be a "green" city.  Whatever that means.  The marketing department regularly over prints fliers.  They print out a bunch of fliers, but they do it close to the date of the events.  Which means people may take some, but never enough to justify the amount ordered.  Today I tossed a bunch of the concert series fliers, because everything had already passed.  Marketing should know that in a city of just over 200,000 residents that they only ever need a fixed amount of fliers of any kind.  It's simple to fit out that the number could be a percentage of that total population.  Since not everyone is going to even visit the library.  What percentage of the total population regularly visits the library?  What percentage of that will find whatever is advertised interesting enough to show up?  And so on and so on.  The final number would be the cap of how many fliers would be printed for anything.  For some things we might run short, but I think that for most things it would be more than enough.  But, what do I know?

I've said it a bunch of times - float doesn't work.  This is the latest example of how items tend to end up at the same branch.  Sarah said that the library will soon stop floating items.  She didn't have an idea when it was going to begin, but soon.  I told her that from day one I thought it was a bad idea.  And I have a unique point of view about it, since I deliver the books all over the place.  But, AD and the old director had a plan.  It was a completely flawed plan, but it was a plan.  Of course the overall plan was to make the library awful.  Mission accomplished.  Not only has the book collection been ravaged, but morale among the employees is at an all time low.

But back to the failure of a floating collection.  Ending up with three copies of the same movie in one location is basically why float is a failure.  This should never happen, but it happens ALL THE TIME.  I end up sending these extra items back to Central.  Let them deal with them.

I had a bad feeling all morning today.  Perhaps it was an omen of things to come.  TheGirl sent me a text saying:

"... had to take puppy in to the vet today after I got home from work. She wasn't getting up off of her bed. Vet did a chest x-ray and an x-ray of her stomach. She has a mass on her spleen. This is part of the mass cell tumor."

Immediately my stomach felt like it fell to the center of the Earth.  We have been dreading the day that Cheyenne would get really sick.  She is not quite there, but a mass can't be a good thing.  Even if it turns out to be benign.  It was always a matter of time that she would have another tumor grow.  Later in the day TheGirl told me that the mass is seven centimeters wide.  That's about the size of a golf ball, if I'm not mistaken.

We've known since back back when she had that mass on her leg that it would be a matter of time before she developed another tumor.  Yet the size of this tumor did shock me a little.  The previous tumor was said to be an aggressive form of cancer.  So I guess we're lucky that we got another seven months with her.  Look, she's not dead.  I don't know what happens now.  I know that every scenario in my brain ends with her dying.  How long to do have with her?  Months?  Weeks?  Days?  I can't tell you.  I just know that we will do our best to make those days some of the best.

Wednesday, November, 13, After the news about Cheyenne yesterday, I just couldn't fall to sleep last night.  I wasn't sleepy the entire night.  As I write this sentence I'm feeling a little tired, but what is worse is how I feel emotionally.  It's physically manifesting as lethargy today.  The entire night the weight of Cheyenne's cancer kept me from being able to calming down enough to fall asleep.  I just kept on trying to find a new sleeping position to find some sort of place where I could finally go to sleep.  I never found it.

After the news about Cheyenne yesterday, I just couldn't fall to sleep last night.  I wasn't sleepy the entire night.  As I write this sentence I'm feeling a little tired, but what is worse is how I feel emotionally.  It's physically manifesting as lethargy today.  The entire night the weight of Cheyenne's cancer kept me from being able to calming down enough to fall asleep.  I just kept on trying to find a new sleeping position to find some sort of place where I could finally go to sleep.  I never found it.

My stomach was queasy all day today.  When I went to the bathroom my BMs were loose.  I've been like that since the news yesterday.  There's a line in a song by the band Cake that says something about bowel shaking earthquakes.  That's exactly how my stomach feels these days.

Tonight's dinner was hard.  TheGirl and I hugged each other hard.  We then had to try to figure out how and what we wanted to eat.  Cheyenne's arthritis was really bad, so TheGirl didn't want to go out for dinner.  We decided on takeout and wine from the market.  How many more of these dinners do we have with Cheyenne?  For sure TheGirl thinks we should eat in next week.  She's gonna get some of the stuff she would have for dinner when we were dating.  Mainly it was banana-roni (what Chan calls mac and cheese) and either enchiladas, or chicken, from Trader Joe's.  That was our old rotation when we first started this Wednesday night dinner tradition.

I ordered up some food from Don Cuco's in Toluca Lake.  TheGirl had her usual enchilada Suiza, and I ordered the carne asada tacos.  Just so I could give Cheyenne the contents of one of the two tacos.  Cheyenne was initially on the couch, so I walked over there to her and gave her some carne asada.  Pretty soon she was off the couch and begging TheGirl for some food.  TheGirl gave her some chicken from her enchilada.  I then decided to open up the second taco and feed the carne from that to Cheyenne.  She was licking my fingers, and licking her chops, after every piece I gave her.  If I could give her the world I would.

TheGirl gave her some cottage cheese with her pill.  Then she gave her a bunch of her favorite, turkey jerky.  It's all that we can do, is feed her the things she loves.  No way we can deny her anything she is willing to eat now.

Thursday, November, 14, TheGirl said that Cheyenne's vet wanted to confirm what kind of tumor she has.  This is because the vet thinks it's cancerous, but the radiologist thinks it could be benign.  I guess that could be a good thing.  Certainly better than cancer.  But I think it's wishful thinking.  TheGirl pointed out that dogs with spleen cancer drink a lot of water.  Cheyenne was drinking a lot of water last night.  TheGirl said we can't get our hopes up too much.  I know.  Would if Cheyenne could live for another thirty years, while being perfectly healthy then all would be right in the world.  But this is a cruel world of cancer and death.  Hope didn't save my mother or grandmother.  It won't save Cheyenne.

I told Vivian that I was going through some things.  Just so she knew if I started crying out of the blue, that it wasn't so random.  She offered some hot chocolate.  Hot chocolate isn't going to help right now.  It was nice of her to offer though.  There were several times today that I could not hold back my tears.  This is so difficult.

Friday, November, 15, As I drove to work I turned on the street right in front of the library and right in front of me was a semi truck trying to back up into a delivery alley.  I waited thinking he was going to be able to get in.  But after the third time adjusting and failing I made a U turn and got out of there.  As I crossed the street to work I could see that he was still struggling with the truck (see above).  Good thing I didn't wait around for him to make it, because then I would be late for work.

The delivery van's mileage hit 111,111 miles today.  That's a lot of miles, to say the least.  A cool milestone.  Since I'm not going to be getting a new van any time soon we will be on the lookout for the miles to maybe read 123,456.  What do you think?

Right next to the gasoline pump, behind City Hall, there was an old police car parked there.  I had to do a search to see that the car is a Caprice.  Pretty neat.  I don't know why it made an appearance there, but it looked pretty cool.

Someone had the bright idea to denote the area by the side of the building at Pacific Park a no parking zone by painting it on the ground.  We all knew that it wasn't a parking spot, but it's sometimes the only place to park in that small parking lot.  Now it's official, but will that keep dopes from parking there?  Nope.  People will still park there, no matter what.  I've seen parents park there all the time in order to go and get their brats from the school, or the recreation center, or the library.

I try to go to the bathroom before leaving work, so I don't get an urge when I'm driving home.  I went in there today and I noticed that someone ripped down one of the signs.  I can't seem to find a picture of the sign as it was before it was torn down.  I was going to say something, but why bother?  Both signs have been vandalized.  No one cares.  Also, it's a stupid place for a sign.

This library doesn't do well with signs.  Someone in administration said the other day that there will be minimal signs in the library directing people to the new children's room.  But, of course.  No one can find the bathrooms because the signage is so bad.  I'm sure it was a struggle to even have those signs, since the old director didn't want signs anywhere.  Dumb.

I had to pick up my aunt's pills from CVS tonight.  When I got off the freeway I noticed that the ground was wet.  The weather liar did mention that there could be rain today, but I thought that was out in the boonies.  While I was driving around in Glendale today I did get a few drops on the windshield, but no downpour.  TheGirl says that it also rained in Burbank.

Saturday, November, 16, I found out there was a Googie event happening at the Valley Relics museum today.  I thought about skipping it, but I do want to get out of what I call pandemic lethargy.

I've been wanting to visit the Valley Relics museum for a while now.  I wanted to visit it on a Tuesday and make it one of my Tuesday adventures.  But, the museum only opens on the weekends.

It was really great to check out all the things they had.  It was a definite walk through memory lane.

While looking around the museum I found an old school bell that belonged to my old high school.  There was a note explaining it.

This school bell was salvaged from Birmingham High School when they were tearing down the old bungalows.  I don't remember which year that was.  It really still does work after 40 years, hold your ears!!!  After the 60th Birthday Bash Party is over, I am donating the bell to the Valley Relics Museum, for all to see and hear.
Norbert Soski

One of the signs that really caught my eye was the Blue Chip stamps sign.  I was just thinking of those stamps, because I mentioned that my mom got a sewing machine with blue chip stamps.  I remember going to the store with her.  They had so many things.  The store is gone, and so are blue chip stamps.  I will definitely go back again.  I think I might become a member.

Monday, November, 18, I've said it so many times that it isn't even funny anymore... weekend crew is trash.  This time some weekend joker placed the DVD cases tall side up.  Of course I can't put the top on the container if the DVDs are like that.  What were they thinking?  Fuck these dopes.

I saw some new books going out to the branches today.  I picked up a couple of them (pictured above), and I have to say that the subjects are a little questionable.  I saw two others that were about the Jonbenet Ramsey murder, as well as the Watts family murder.  Kinda strange subject matter for books that are supposed to be for kids.  I talked to Gitmo and Vivian about these books, and both agreed that they seem wrong.  None of us want to ever censor what kind of books someone can check out.  What we all wonder is who are these books for?  What twelve year old wants to know about a murder that happened years before they were born.  That seems like a teen thing.  When you discover things and explore ideas and topics that you would never think at a younger age.  I'm not advocating that these books be taken out of the system.  Never.  I did tell Vivian and Gitmo that there is no way any of these books get a single check out.  It's myopic to think that any one twelve years old and younger would be checking out these books.

The hallway by the bathroom is super dark these days, because nearly all the lights have been off.  I think I said this before, but if not I'll mention it here now.  This renovation did something funky to the wiring.  I say this because the lights by the printer have been off for weeks.  The lights in the auditorium keep tripping.  It's almost a daily thing that the breakers have to be reset.  Also, the new plug they installed for the bookmobile charger also keeps tripping.  I used to joke about Central being one big fire hazard, but it's true.  I think the chances of a fire went up with this renovation.  I really wish they had bulldozed this place and built a new building.  Alas, they compound their mistakes by trying to renovate their way out of a fucking mess.

The Cheyenne news could have been worse, but it was not good.  The tumor is cancerous and of course it's growing.  It's on her spleen, which could burst at any time.  We always knew that it was going to be a matter of time.  How much time, that we don't know.  For now TheGirl will continue to monitor Cheyenne for negative changes.  And then we cross the bridge when we have to.  Well, I say we but it's TheGirl's decision to make.

Cheyenne was acting happy tonight.  She kept on pawing me, as if to say pay attention to me.  Oh she has my undivided attention.  She kept licking my face.  I wish I knew what she was thinking.

Tuesday, November, 19, I bought a different brand of tortillas when I went to the market on Sunday.  The brand I used to get are awful, and always fall apart when I fold them.  The last time I tried to make taquitos the fucking tortillas just fell apart in my hands.  Never again.

Today I got a better look at my neighbor's accessory dwelling unit.  I saw it a couple of weeks ago from my backyard.  But now it has a second story, so I can see it from my front yard.  It looks pretty big.  This is a thing that's been growing for a while now.  My house would have to have the ADU in the front yard, because the house is set deep into the plot of land.  Oh well, new neighbors.

Today's Tuesday Adventure was the La Brea Tar Pits.  The museum isn't very big, but I got to see some of the same exhibits I've seen before.

I did see that they are planning an expansion in the future.  I couldn't find a timetable for those new changes.

After going to the tar pits I walked around the park.  I wanted to check out some things, like the old Marie Calendar's.  First stop was the old observation pit, which was closed.

Then I went around and checked out the front of the Academy museum, which used to be a May company store.  There used to be two 99 cent stores right by the museum.  I didn't visit the huge one that was on Wilshire.  Instead I walked up Fairfax to the smaller 99 cent store and got a picture of the sign.

It looks like there is a new restaurant going in where the old Marie Calendar's used to be.

For some reason the old Johnie's coffee shop was turned into the Bernie coffee shop.  Bernie as in Bernie Sanders.  OK.

You talk about a propaganda papers... today the dummies in charge sent out what they called the Teen Space service plan.  Boy, is it rich.  One of the last items is a line that states, under coming soon, "Workspaces will have digital signs outside of the room that will connect with Communico to show if the room is available."  I call major bullshit on this, because that was the exact thing they promised would adorn the conference rooms after the last renovation... SEVEN YEARS AGO!  They never got the system to work.  It won't work now.  If it was working they would have already used it on the old conference rooms.  Dumb.  I also remember how the magical sign was supposed to also grant entrance to the person that had booked the room.  None of that ever happened.

Just before leaving work to go home I had a big fart that was anxious to come out.  I got inside my car and relaxed my butt to let it out.  Instead of gas what came out was a little poop.  I didn't completely poop my pants, but just enough came out that I soiled myself.  Not a proud moment. I had to rush back into the library to poop and clean myself off a bit.  My coworker Vivian was just leaving when I ran back inside to poop.  She had to wait for me.  Good thing I didn't take long.

I noticed that ever since TheGirl told me about Cheyenne's tumor my stomach has been uneasy, to say the least.  Fuck this.

Wednesday, November, 20, I haven't had the chance to check out the new children's room since the framing went up several weeks ago.  My coworker Tony asked me to help him out with some task.  I didn't know that it would be going up to the new children's room to take down the plastic in front of the windows.  After we finished I wanted to take a quick tour of the room.  Boy, the room was a mess.  I found a lot of things wrong with it.  Here are some.

The first thing I noticed was some misaligned wall paper.  There was talk about a mural being painted for the room.  But they cheeped out and instead decided to print out some wall paper with a design and hang it.  Then an artist came in and painted the various characters in the scene.  It's a work around having to paint a real mural.  The flaw is that whoever hung the wallpaper did a terrible job.  The picture above illustrates that bad workmanship.  This one junction was the worst, but others though not misaligned were separated quite a bit where you could see the paint underneath.

I found many scratches on the wallpaper and on the various new book shelves.  The one above was the worst I saw.  How does this get through?  How does the city take ownership of this in this condition?

At one point I looked up at the new ceiling, which is about the only thing I like about the new room.  For some reason the ceiling doesn't extend to the new reading room.  There is a gap where you can see the old ceiling.  Instead of placing some nice lights here they decided to go with the cheapest looking light fixture.  Not only that, but this light fixture has no middle, so you can see the junction box right in the middle.  For shame.  This looks really bad.

In the new reading room section of the children's room there are reading nooks that have windows.  Good thing you can look outside, because the nook looks more like a prison cell, if you ask me.  The mantra for this new children's room is minimalism.  Administration keeps on saying that word.  The thing is, using the proper colors to liven up the room isn't anti-minimalism.  But for some reason the powers that be went with an almost all white room.  To me the room looks like a hospital.  I might just call it children's hospital Glendale.  Going with the prison look that part of the room can be named San Quentin.

I didn't catch this on my initial tour of the children's room.  Tony told me that one of the people from maintenance noticed that the bathrooms didn't have a drain.  Sure enough, no drain.  How the did they fuck that up?

Whatever!  I guess I'm the only one noticing these things.  Or the only one that cares.

Some time after the news about Cheyenne's tumor TheGirl mentioned that we should have dinner at her place, instead of going out to a restaurant.  She even went to Trader Joe's and bought the stuff she used to purchase when we were dating, and she was living up in the Verdugo Highlands area in Glendale.  Chan was a recent addition to our duo, and he coined the phrase banana-roni to mean mac and cheese.  TheGirl would buy a quarter chicken from Trader Joe's and have a side dish of mac and cheese, with a salad for our dinner.  Those days seem so very far away.  TheGirl adopted Cheyenne and she moved the North Hollywood and our lives changed.  In the last few years since the pandemic we have gravitated towards eating out more than staying home on Wednesday nights.  Except during 2020.

When I got to her place she said that Cheyenne was having a good day, and that we should go out for dinner.  So we ended up going out to Wood Ranch after all.  To look at Cheyenne tonight you wouldn't think anything was wrong with her.  She was just like how she was before the tumor.  I know it's a timebomb that will go off sooner than later.  But TheGirl and I said that we would just try to enjoy all the moments that we have with her.  I gave her so much of my burger tonight, because why not?

Thursday, November, 21, I came home from dinner last night and did a little more drinking.  I must have had a nice buzz going, because around 4am I woke up in my chair in my PJs.  I went to bed, since I was sure I would fall asleep again.  I wasn't cold, because I had my space heater going.  It's been a while since I passed out like that.

Misa called me tonight after work to tell me that TheNewCute's old job is going to be full time after all.  She thinks I should apply for it when the post it in January.  But I won't.  I know they don't want me.  Why buy the cow when they already get the milk for free, is the old saying.  I'm giving away my milk without having to be a full timer.  If they wanted me for the job they would have given it to me already.

I told Misa about me possibly driving the bookmobile next Wednesday.  Misa thinks I should use that as leverage to say that I should be made a full timer.  I'm not going to do that.  As I just said, they need me, but they will never make me a full timer.  Misa is a bit naive.  She thinks I have leverage.  I have nothing.  I didn't tell her this story, but I'll mention it here.  Grigor used to be full time, until he left for another job that didn't work out.  He came back, tail between his legs, asking for his old job back.  Because it had been more than six months since he left they could only hire him as a part timer.  He went up to the assistant director's office hoping to convince them to make him full time again.  The assistant director is a nice person, but that didn't keep her from being blunt.  She told Grigor that it would be best if he explored other options.  He has, but with no luck.  That's what they'll say to me.  They'll say it with a smile.  And if I ever found another job the route wouldn't be the same.  They might get some dummy like Lunatick, or Benedict.  Things won't be good, but they won't care.

Misa also told me that she texted TheNewCute a while back.  She said that she updated her on some things going on at the library and that TheNewCute just had a short response, and then never texted her back again.  I told her the same thing happened to me.  Clearly TheNewCute doesn't want anything to do with us.  That's fine.  Her departure made me sad, and I know it diminished my life a wee bit.  But I'm over it now.  It is what it is, and I've moved on.

Friday, November, 22, I didn't realize it until I saw a picture on my photo feed that today was the seventeenth anniversary of my father's passing.  His death is the forgotten one among all the people that have passed away in my life.  I'm sorry to say that I don't miss him like I miss my mother and grandmother.  I will miss Cheyenne more than I miss him.  Still, the other day Grimace was asking me about my parents and I told her how my father did help me out during a hard time in my life.  When my grandmother was sick and I wasn't working he would give me money each month to keep me afloat.  It wasn't a lot, but it helped.  Because of his help I was able to stay with my grandmother when she was sick.  I was able to stay with my mother when she was sick.  He paid for a sizable chunk of my mother's funeral expenses.  Despite our differences and his with my mother I think he was more of a stand up guy when my mother was dying of cancer.  They spoke to each other on the phone when my mother was sick.  He was recovering from a heart attack while she was in the hospital.  I don't know what they said to each other.  I gave them that moment.  It was the last time they spoke to each other.  Even sick he attended the funeral.  He was there when I was in the most pain.  I never hated him.  I was just indifferent towards him.  Today I can appreciate that he tried.  At the time I didn't think it was that much of an effort, but now upon reflection I see that he was trying.  I think I was the one that made it hard when he was older.  The seeds had been planted when I was young for my not really wanting to connect as an adult.  Rest in peace.

It's the little things that are wrong with these new rooms.  I was walking by the new children's room and saw that the electric sign outside had an image that was clearly the wrong aspect ratio.  They really can't get anything right.

I went to Adam's Square first thing on the route today, as I always do on Fridays.  It's a good way to get one branch done fast.  Especially since the last branch I do is Chevy Chase, which is the most isolated.  To my surprise Krishna was at Adams when I arrived.  She and I had a nice talk about work and not work.  I think we ended up talking for about an hour.  I say all this just to point out that I love her big ass.  I would dive face first into her ass if she let me.

Saturday, November, 23, Last night's jerk off session started out awful.  I took off my clothes and sat down at 11:11pm.  I had a video from the other night all ready to jerk off to, but then the computer started to have issues.  First thing was that the dedicated earbuds I bought for this very thing wouldn't connect to the computer.  When I tried to fix it the computer wouldn't open the preferences page.  I tried opening it again and it finally worked.  Then the video I was trying to watch kept on buffering.  I tried another video, which also got stuck buffering.  I tried reloading the page and trying other websites.  I finally got everything working.  It was 11:40pm.

I like to build the tension by jerking off for a period of time that is more than half an hour.  I use a technique called "Edging" to build maximum pressure.  Pressure?  Most nights I jerk off for an hour, or more.  I cum so hard when I jerk off for an hour.  But now I was starting at nearly midnight.  Not only that, but I hadn't jerked off since Tuesday night, so I was all backed up.  Within ten minutes I wanted to bust.  Years of jerking off for over an hour has taught me control.  I needed that control if I wanted to make it past ten minutes.  I did.  I came about five minutes after 1am.  It was a good night after all.

It's funny that I jerk off for that long.  I remember reading an article in some magazine that women didn't like "minutemen."  Men that don't last a long time in bed.  I remember I would count how many strokes it would take to cum.  I would try to improve on that number.  I didn't know the technique of just getting to where one cums and stopping for a moment was called edging.  It probably didn't have a name when I was jerking off for stamina.  Today all that "training" isn't used on the ladies, because no ladies like me.  Oh well, it's good for me.

My aunt does this thing where she will switch canes all the time.  She usually switches her canes when she moves from the kitchen to the dining room.  I bought her a cane that stands up by itself.  But for some reason she doesn't use that one as her primary cane.  Instead she uses a cane that has just one foot, and which doesn't stand up by itself.  Of course she doesn't know how to use either cane, because there are so many occasions where I will hear a cane falling.  I have zero idea why she does this switch, but all I know is that it's kinda annoying.

TheDesire reposted a post of a video I saw and sent to her on IG.  It's very funny.  In the video the person with the camera asks workers from the WeHo library how many mistakes they will be making today.  Of course all of them say zero mistakes.

Sunday, November, 24, My neighbor down the street has a tree that drops nice leaves on their front yard.  It looks like a postcard to me.

Ilsa and I had a trip all set for this coming Thursday.  But, because of her bad knee we canceled it.  Her doctor still hasn't told her what is going to happen with her knee, and it hurts.  I was kinda not looking forward to this trip, so I'm OK with her canceling on me.

Monday, November, 25, There are some people that work at Central that do some stupid things.  They ruin things for everyone else by making silly mistakes.  I suspect that they weren't trained properly.  My buddy Vagabundo gives them too much credit and says that they should know better after working there for a while.  I say that since they don't have that foundation they can't ever get it right.  Maybe we're both right.  All I know is that notes like the one pictured above shouldn't be necessary.  Anyone that works at the library should know that AR isn't the same ARM.  I know I've seen AR call number books filed in the ARM.  As Vagabundo says, they're trash.

I had to use the bathroom while going upstairs to visit administration to check on the interdepartmental mail.  As I went up I thought, why don't I check out the new bathrooms?  Well, I went to the door and it was locked.  I went in anyway.  After using the bathroom I ran into someone from administration in the children's room.  I asked them if the new bathrooms were supposed to be unlocked.  She said yes.  OK.  I went ahead and unlocked them.  If I didn't ask, I'm sure no one would think to unlock them.  Dumb.  One thing I noticed that the new bathrooms need are trash cans.  They only have the little trash bins that will quickly fill up.

I grabbed four red link plus bins for Brand today, because I'm supposed to drive the bookmobile on Wednesday.  Here I am getting ducks in a row to drive the bookmobile, but I didn't get any official word from my supervisor.  What gives?  I got back to Central and waited for my supervisor to email me, or to say something.  At 4pm she called me as I was sorting the books.  Did she say anything about Wednesday?  Nope.  Shake my head.  I'll have to ask Krishna, but of course she's out this week.  Double shake my head.

I went over to TheGirl's place after work, as is the Monday tradition.  At one point in my visit TheGirl asks me if I think that Cheyenne has lost some weight.  I'm someone that observes changes, but I didn't think she looked that much different.  I knew that TheGirl wanted me to say that Cheyenne looked thinner.  So I said it.  After I said it I looked at Cheyenne and she did look thinner.

Fuck cancer.

After getting home from visiting with TheGirl I was still a little hungry after having a cheeseburger from McDonald's after work.  I figured I would make a grilled cheese sandwich.  Online there are a bunch of people that say that mayonnaise should be used instead of, or in conjunction with, butter.  I figured tonight was as good a night to try and make a grilled cheese using mayonnaise.  I have to say, it came out really good.

Tuesday, November, 26, I had more issues with my computer while trying to jerk off last night.  Once again my earbuds would not connect.  Then the wi-fi kept disconnecting.  If that wasn't enough the batteries on the mouse died.  All I wanted was to jerk it quickly in order not to go to sleep too late.  Clearly this is too much to ask these days.  I'm considering getting a program that CLEANS a Mac computer of things and files that slow it down.  Malware, for instance.  Soon after I bought this computer it started slowing down.  These days I use my Mac mini exclusively for jerking off.

I ended up connecting my iPad pro to the TV.  It's workable, but I have to connect a mouse and keyboard to really make it work.  I have wired and wireless versions of both.  I wanted something that I knew would do the job.  Lauren Phillips came through big time for me.

A couple of days before Thanksgiving, it's no surprise that the library was quiet today.  Most kids now get the entire week off for Thanksgiving.  So of course no one is here studying.  But even our regulars haven't all shown up.  One or two, but as I write this there are only five patrons in the library.  Which is fine.  I was playing Zelda earlier on my phone.

I emailed the restaurant where I had planned on having Thanksgiving dinner with Ilsa to cancel this morning.  I thought about maybe going up to Los Olivos on Friday anyway.  Maybe I could find a room for the night and come back on Saturday.  It's probably too late for that.  I will check though.  I could go early and come back early as well.

Because Mary called out today we were short handed at Casa.  Vivian was worried about having coverage.  She emailed a couple of people and next thing I know Joaquin was showing up.  He wasn't having a good time at Casa.  He was fidgety.  He said that he missed the energy of Central.  You would think that he would like the calmness.  I guess he likes the juice of having to deal with a dozen dummies an hour.

A little before 6 pm Albert texted me via Teams to say that he was not feeling well and would likely call out sick tomorrow.  Tomorrow being bookmobile day.  I told him that it would be fine.  One, I don't want to get sick, so stay home.  Second, I don't want to get sick.  Third, I'm sure I can handle anything that's needed.  This bookmobile thing isn't that hard.  There will still be four of us available to work the bookmobile tomorrow.  I'm not worried.

Wednesday, November, 27, Some time in the last couple of weeks Krishna "casually" asked me if I felt comfortable driving the bookmobile.  I answered yes, knowing that that affirmative response meant that I would be driving the bookmobile the next time it was scheduled to be out.

Sure enough, today was the day I officially drove the bookmobile.  As I knew I would some day.  It was chill.  I picked up the bookmobile and drove it to Maple park.  Jacklyn was impressed how I was able to maneuver the bookmobile into place in one pass.  It's easy.  It's a big car, but it's responsive and easy to drive.  I didn't really have any one task other than putting up the table and the E-Z up.  But, the weather was cloudy, so we didn't really need the canopy to be put up.

I asked Jacklyn if she had heard if the bookmobile was going to participate in the Montrose Christmas parade.  Last year the idea was floated that I drive the other outreach van in the parade.  But, those in charge thought it was a better idea to wait for this year's parade.  Well, Jacklyn says that there is another event that the bookmobile will be attending that day.  Apparently the parade participants have to be up at Montrose at around 2 pm to get ready.  Yeah, that makes for a long day.  I think they should make an effort to have the bookmobile in the parade, because it gives a lot of people knowledge that it exists.  Oh well, not my decision.

While chillin I decided to check out the books we were carrying.  I found a Dogman book and figured I would start reading it.  I read part of it just so I could see what the origin story was.  The cat Petey is the villain, who plots to plant a bomb so that the cop and his canine will die.  The bomb goes off, but it doesn't kill them.  Not yet.  The man's head is dying, and the dog's body is dying.  So a nurse, who was sent by Petey, says that they should graph the head of the dog to the man's body.  And that's how Dogman came to be.

I was up at Brand and Sheinson told me that Arielle mentioned that TheNewCute wasn't working at the library anymore.  She was apparently working at a dentist office.  I know that the library job was part time, but could lead to something else.  Or so I thought.  Sheinson said that the person who TheNewCute was supposed to replace didn't do their job well, but that they just couldn't fire them.  They're probably full time and are protected.  Oh well.  I wish her well, even if she doesn't want to talk to me anymore.  I don't have any ill feelings for her.

I sent Vagabundo the above photo of the new electric sign in front of the children's room.  The aspect ratio is wrong.  I saw Flavia was in the room and I asked her why the image was so distorted.  She said that the TV doesn't work in portrait mode.  OK, sure.  Then flip the picture, I told her.  She said it wasn't that easy.  The TV uses an app to upload the image, I guess.  I don't know.  All I know is Flavia said they control the images using an app.  Why they don't just flip the image and make it work I don't know, but it is typical Glendale.  The dopes always buy the wrong things.

TheGirl and I went to Don Cuco's for dinner, because I mentioned carne asada for Cheyenne.  I like ordering the two carne asada tacos, because I give Cheyenne the meat from one of the tacos.  There's no use holding back now.  As long as she keeps eating we will keep feeding her.  We went for a walk after dinner and found that Reno's now has heaters outside.  TheGirl said we should go there next week.  I'm game.

Thursday, November, 28, I jerked off last night since I didn't have to work on Thursday.  As per usual I found a girl that looked great and I focused most of my efforts on her.  This time it was a girl named April Dawn that looked a lot like Marie from Treasury.  OMG, April's face looked so much like Marie in one certain clip.  Her boobs and her ass looks so much like what I imagine Marie's body looks like naked.  I really wish she would sleep with me.

I woke up at 8:30 am.  I know this because I set an alarm.  I didn't get out of bed right away, and so I fell back to sleep.  I think I went to bed around 3 am last night.  After jerking off I got tipsy again.  It was good times all around.  At around 10 am I got out of bed intending to take a quick shower and getting some food.  My plan was thwarted by my aunt being in the bathroom taking a shower.  Before I went to kitchen I heard my aunt getting her food ready.  Sure enough, her dish was in the toaster oven.  Her being in the shower is problematic, because we only have one bathroom in this house.  That means I can't use it while she's inside.  Doesn't matter to her.  I was angry.  I decided I was going to make something to eat while she showered.  I knew she would take so long that I would have had my food before she came out.  My timing was almost on the spot.  I warmed my food and took it to my room.  I sat down when I heard her come out of the bathroom and a moment later she was at my door asking if I had already eaten.  Yes.  I ate and then took a shower.

My aunt doesn't remember that today is Thanksgiving.  I should have been in Solvang today, but instead I was here.  That's fine.  I didn't expect anything to be open anyway.  Stuff like this you have to make a reservation in advance of this day.  There is no chance you'll get into a restaurant, day of.  My aunt came out to the backyard where I was chillin to ask me what we were going to have for dinner.  I told her everyone was closed, but she insisted that I pick something up.  She suggested Mendocino farms.  I checked - it was closed.  Not surprised.  I also checked Burger King, those two Mexican restaurants in Van Nuys.  Also closed.  I checked some sit down places where I could go and pick something up.  Closed.  Only thing that remained open was the local McDonald's.  Which turned out to be fortuitous for me, because they had the McRib for sale.  On Monday I saw that it was for sale AFTER I had already ordered a cheeseburger.  Gotta say, the McRib hit the spot this time.  I think it tastes a little better than last year.  Good Thanksgiving day dinner for me.

Friday, November, 29, I saw this panel in the Dogman book.  Petey takes all the words away from all the books in the world, because reading makes you smart.  And not reading makes you dumb.  Hence the world becoming dumb.  But, in a larger sense the work is super dumb.

Saturday, November, 30, I was jerking off last night and the Algorithm found me one of the hottest looking woman I've seen in porn... Willow Ryder.  Gorgeous face and a perfect butt.  That is right up my alley.  She instantly made it to my favorites list.

My aunt will periodically come into my room to tell me how I'm feeling.  Because she purports to know better than I know myself.  She always wants to have these heart to heart talks to get me to confess something I'm not feeling. The only thing I want from her is to leave me alone.  That's it.  It's the one thing she is incapable of doing.  She's so sure that she knows what I'm feeling more than I do.  Many religious people have this idea that they know what someone else believes and feels.  Just leave me alone.

Wrap-up: This month has felt long.  The news that Cheyenne's cancer has spread to her spleen is yet another gut punch in a year of gut punches.  She has lost weight, but when we go out to dinner she has been eating everything I give her.  Aside from that I say that this has been a good month.  My trip to Solvang was canceled, but I could go next year.