Afterthoughts: Oh, so it's a new year

Someone on the radio pointed out that just because it's a new year things aren't going to just change overnight.  I know, we as humans have this idea that things are cut and dry.  Oh, if 2020 sucked things will change because it's suddenly the new year.  Well, things don't work out like that.  If I look back at 2020 it started out pretty good for me.  I had some high hopes, and I was having a good time until March, when we all went into a shutdown.  There is hope that 2021 will be better though, if only because there are at least a couple of vaccines that will hopefully help us get back to "normal" life.

I know that I don't have many more years on this Earth.  At best I have forty years... tops.  Realistically, if I don't get some crazy illness or Cancer I might have about twenty-five to thirty years.  I want to enjoy myself from now to that point.  I would like it to be forty, or fifty, years of life left.  But we don't get to determine that.  All we can do is make the most of the time we do get to enjoy.

And with that I wish you a Happy New Year, whenever you read this.  On to the update.

Tuesday, December 1, Last night my aunt came into my room to have a "heart to heart" talk with me.  But really what it turned into is a rambling story about everything under the sun.  She mentioned jobs she had over thirty years ago.  She also peppered the story with mentions of my mother, and how she was supposedly angry with her because she was chosen to do some job over her.  She made little sense during her rambling statement.  I hardly listened, because it had nothing to do with anything.  I just wanted it to end.  She finally got tired and went to bed.  I'm sure she hates me for not listening, but I can't listen to her stories anymore.

Today at work we had a virtual send off for Emma's father at the library.  He's worked for the library for 32 years.  Crazy.  I don't think I'll ever be able to say that I've worked for any place for THAT long.  I would have had to have started some job yeas ago in my younger days.  And, my time as a part timer doesn't somehow count.  Oh well.  Still, I partially attended the online meeting / farewell.  Chuck is a good guy, and he always got me some cool assignments during his time there.  I'll see him again after all this Covid stuff is over and have a drink with him, and Emma.  He hasn't been going into the library since this Covid stuff hit, because he's over sixty-five years old.  I wish him the best, and I know I'll still keep in touch with him.

Wednesday, December 2, Not happy not finding my flask where I used to have it, my aunt went looking for my booze in my sock drawer.  Of course I do have some there, which sucks.  Because, instead of just leaving me alone now she's going to be on me more.  Fucking shit.  I fucking hate having to experience this bullshit.  Everything is so terrible now.  I can't even find solace at home.  I feel invaded.  I want to start locking my room door.  Because my aunt just needs to stop.  She won't, of course.  I think I also need to spend less time at home.  I really don't want to be around my aunt.

I try to discourage my aunt from cooking too much food these days.  First off, she's super tired most days.  For some reason it will take her almost the entire day to cook something as simple as rice.  Also, because she has so little energy, she tends to take a LOT of shortcuts.  Sadly her shortcuts only go to having her take longer with some things, because she does them in such a piss poor manner.  A couple of weeks ago she cooked up some rice using the rice cooker.  The rice was soggy because she clearly didn't take the time to measure out the amount of water based on the amount of rice she put in the cooker.  I knew immediately after opening the cooker that she had the wrong ratio.

That being said, she hasn't really made anything for me to eat this week.  She mentioned making soup, but she hasn't gotten around to doing that yet.  Therefore I had to rely on the market for my lunch today.  That's OK, some of these frozen foods these days are actually pretty good.  Well, for what they are.  Today's selection was from Marie Calendar's frozen food line, meatloaf and gravy with mashed potatoes and sweet corn.  I have to say that I was surprised how not salty the meatloaf was.  It was actually pretty yummy.  Again, for a frozen meal.  I may have it again.  For sure I need to try other Marie Calendar selections.  And so you don't think I only had this for lunch, the one thing I did have in the fridge that I could take with me to eat was salad.  Meatloaf and salad for lunch.

Since last week there is no outdoor dinning allowed, only take-out meals.  Right up the street from TheGirl's was a restaurant that I told her we should try one day.  She mentioned how terrible it was, so we never went.  Well, then that restaurant closed, and soon enough there was a sign outside saying that a new place would be opening.  That place would be a second location for a place in Los Feliz called the Morrison.  The Morrison is like a gastropub restaurant I have been wanting to try, because they say that they have good fish and chips.  Well, today was a perfect day to try it out.  The Morrison had the advantage of being close to TheGirl's place.  TheGirl doesn't like take-out, because she says that the food gets cold by the time we get it back home.  This is absolutely true, of course.  Hence us trying out the Morrison tonight.  I ordered a patty melt, TheGirl ordered a chicken sandwich.  I have to say that my melt hit the spot.  They have really good seasoned fries there as well.  Add a little wine, and in my case some whiskey on top of that, and you have the makings of a good night and a good dinner.

When I got home tonight I figured my aunt would say something about what she might have found in my sock drawer.  But, if she did find something there she played it cool, because she was a sweet as punch.  Once she goes to sleep I'll check if the booze I have in the sock drawer was discovered by her.  Because, if it wasn't then she's honestly being nice.  Hmm.

I checked my drawer and it does look like she only opened that drawer to place clean socks in there.  The stuff in front of the booze wasn't moved.  At least this is what I think.  It could be that she saw it and was just changing her tactics.  Still a mystery.

Thursday, December 3, I got up and after using the restroom I went to get the tacos I eat for breakfast five days a week.  I put them to warm up in the toaster oven, and then I went to take a shower.  When I got out of the shower I didn't see the tacos, because my aunt had taken them out and put them in my room.  Never mind that I usually don't start eating right after I get out of the shower, because I still need to get my shoes on.  My aunt took it upon herself to take the tacos out early and leave them there, despite the fact that they could very well get cold.  And while they were not cold, like ice, they were certainly not warm.  Tepid is the best way of describing how they were.  I have ZERO idea why she felt compelled to serve me those tacos before I was out of the shower.  She has NO idea how much longer I was going to be in there.  And honestly, I don't know how long those tacos were sitting in my room getting cold.  It was just another stupid thing my aunt's been doing lately.  She doesn't think straight these days.  I really think there's something wrong with her head, I'm sorry to say.

There isn't much to report from the route today.  It was pretty standard.  My coworker/other driver called out "sick" yesterday.  I figured that would mean more books today, but it didn't manifest into a huge amount of books.  Certainly more than a now regular Thursday.  Still, it wasn't so bad.  The only bad thing was the fact that my shoulder was hurting.  Ever since Monday morning when I woke up with a pain on my right shoulder, I've been struggling to move in certain ways.  Today started with my shoulder not hurting as much, but then I turned around a certain way and for the rest of the day so many different movements hurt like fuck.  That made the route a little harder today, but certainly not impossible.

There was a point where my aunt came to me as I was going to the bathroom to brush my teeth when my aunt stopped me and told me that it was important that I pray for Israel.  Ah, what?  I didn't say anything.  I never say anything when she starts with this Israel talk.  I don't want to hear about what her guru says, or Israel, or anything these days.  I want her to just leave me alone.  I don't need lectures about things that are insignificant in my life.  I don't pray for ANYTHING.  So why should I suddenly start praying for a another county?  I wish that country no ill.  I don't wish anything bad on anyone.  But to tell me that I needed to pray for Israel just seems so completely stupid that I don't know what to say.  And hence I didn't respond to her.

Friday, December 4, Because my aunt had this crazy idea that we HAD to be at the lawyer's office from noon to 2pm, I had to take off work early today.  I only got to go to a couple of the locations, and put gasoline in the van.  Then I rushed home and changed my clothes and bolted to the lawyer's office.  The weather was SUPER nice today (see above).

I got off work at 10:30am and rushed home in order to pick up my aunt and go to the lawyer and arrive by noon.  I think my aunt is crazy for calling her guru and having her go do this at noon.  Because if she doesn't do it between noon and 2pm then things won't work out.  Like why wouldn't it work out?  I told her that this stuff is something that isn't out of the ordinary.  Writing a will isn't out of this world, and doesn't require a miracle.  She's acting like the only way this will work out is by doing it at the "right time."  The right time being what hours her stupid TV guru says.  ARGH!

We arrived a few minutes before noon.  The lawyer asked her a few questions.  He took my aunt's ID and my ID.  She then paid him and we were out.  The fucking appointment took less than fifteen minutes!  Before going into the office my aunt was showing me her mezuzah that she carries around with her for "good fortune."  Never mind that THAT's not what a mezuzah is used for, but it also is not magical.  She thinks that by carrying this stupid thing around with her she's going to be fortunate.  Not happy with that she handed me another mezuzah to take with me as we went to the lawyer's office.  She told me to hold it in my right hand as we enter.  Of course I didn't do that.  Fuck that shit.  First off, even if I was Jewish the mezuzah is not meant to be some sort of charm.  It's supposed to be in the home, not something you carry around with you.  You see, you see how she doesn't get the fundamental ideas of her religion?  Her TV guru is just a charlatan, grifting idiots for money.  I told her I don't care if she sends this guy money, but deep down inside I don't like that she is doing that.  Not because she doesn't have the right to do what she wants with her money, but because he's clearly just a con man.  I don't like that.  However, I'm powerless to set her straight.  I don't like telling others what to do, even if it looks like they're headed towards a cliff.  Because, in my experience they don't appreciate that you are telling them they're headed for a cliff.  They'll blame you for not preventing it, because you "didn't say anything."  Despite the fact that you might have been warning them all along.  This way, I can say that I was as surprised as they were that they fell off that cliff.  It's a horrible way to think, I know.  But, at this point I don't need the aggravation.

After finishing up things with the lawyer my aunt and I went to the 99 cent store next door.  We got a bunch of stuff, and by the time we got out I was starving.  My aunt never says she wants any certain food.  She always just leaves it up to me to choose.  Today I was craving some enchiladas.  I wanted to treat myself to something for having to suffer through this having to lose hours because this appointment HAD to be done at noon.  We went out to Burbank and I rushed home in order to get that food in my belly.  It really hit the spot after having to suffer this crazy stuff today.  Not that I mind leaving work early on a Friday.  Ha ha!

I do want to point out that my aunt was saying that we should just eat the food at the restaurant.  Completely forgetting that there is no indoor OR outdoor dining right now.  As per the last stay at home order.  She honestly thought that we could just do that.  When we arrived I showed her that the tables and chairs that are normally outside were gone (shown above).  She reluctantly quieted down.  Boy, she's getting to be a little more than just plain nutty now.  She's going full retard.

Saturday, December 5, After a late breakfast I went outside to my backyard to enjoy the little bit of sun that I have left during the day.  That's when my aunt came out after reading for a little while, to remind me the importance of the sabbath.  There are so many dishes in the kitchen that need to be washed.  She saw me moving towards the dirty dishes and told me not to wash them, because it's the sabbath.  ARGH!  I fucking hate when she tries to "teach" me some bullshit lessons.  When I was sitting outside she brought the book pictured above and told me to read about the importance of the sabbath.  Geez, why does she keep trying to teach me this bullshit.  I don't want to hear it.  I'm not going to suddenly believe in Judaism, or ANY religion.  I wish she would just leave me alone.

TheGirl sent me a picture of Cheyenne in her new PJs (see above).  She looks SO cute.

Sunday, December 6, This morning I couldn't stand the pile of dirty dishes that my aunt refuses to wash on Saturdays.  Because it's the sabbath, and you don't work on the sabbath.  Today however is not the sabbath, and I went to work on washing most of the dishes.

But that lead me to wash all the dishes and then start to mop.  My aunt saw that I was doing the dishes and put it upon herself to then start mopping.  Not a good idea in her current state.  She can barely move without her hip hurting.  So imagine that and her trying to mop.  Not good.  So I did the mopping as well, which is for the better.  My aunt doesn't seem to do a good job of that these days either.  She's just too tired.  She shouldn't be doing it.  I have considered having a cleaning service come in once every couple of weeks.  I joked to a friend that perhaps I could get that "foxy" maids.  You know the ones that use the excuse of cleaning your house to basically give a kind of a rated PG strip show.  They basically have lingerie or bikinis on.  You know, wholesome stuff.  I'm sure my aunt wouldn't appreciate that, but I would.  Ha ha!

I was chillin in bed, while watching TV, when I decided to check out social media.  I found that Clifton's downtown was selling some of their trays.  At first I didn't think it was a good idea, but then I wanted to have it.  So, I bought it for a Christmas gift to myself.  I'm not even sure when it will arrive, but I'm going to have to find a place to display it.

Not happy spending $89 on an old tray I went nuts and bought a duvet for my bed earlier in the week, and today I also bit the bullet and bought that action video camera that I've been eyeing for a while.  I almost bought it during Black Friday, but I passed.  I should have, but I got a pretty good deal on this one.  Can't wait to post some videos.

Monday, December 7, Today I worked on a video trailer for the bookmark contest.  But really I started working on it this weekend while I was chillin.  I think the trailer will come out well, and the library will use it.  Hopefully it will also mean that more people find out about the contest.

There was a point about half hour after I came back from lunch where I got really sleepy.  But then pseudo supervisor came by and I had to wake up.  Boy, I was feeling SUPER sleepy.  I fucking hate that.

Other than that I don't have much to report.  The day went pretty slow at points.  Oh, I did get a McRib for dinner tonight.  They added a lot of onions, without me having to ask.  I recorded a vlog in which I say that the McRib is probably the worst thing on the McDonald's menu, but it tasted SO good.

Tuesday, December 8, When I arrived at work there was this homeless guy's little cardboard house, or pod, for lack of a better word, in front of the door.  I know who it is, and I'm not sure why he feels the need to sleep by a door.  He used to sleep by the Neon museum's back door, but them some fucking asshole tried to burn him.  They threw rubbing alcohol at him and set his box on fire.  A few months ago he was sleeping in front of the old library entrance upstairs.  And then he took over the area next to the south door, next to the bookdrop.  I sympathize with him, but I don't know why he feels it's OK to block the door.  He knows that's just going to make someone call the police.  I didn't, but I feel that when the bosses arrive tomorrow they will be calling the police.

Jade has a terrible track record at work.  But instead of being fired he continues to fuck with everyone, and continues to get away with it.  Case in point, the book situation left from last week.  While I will defend him a bit in saying that he has been given the task of a "runner" on the curbside service, I know that the runners aren't that busy these days.  I did the curbside set-up today.  Each runner has about nine or ten appointments during the day.  He has time in between any two appointments to check in books.  But instead of doing that he sits around on his computer.  And then when the next rotation comes along there's always an excuse.  There's always a, "Oh, we were really busy last week," or, "We were short on staff."  The amount of work is nearly set in stone thanks to the amount of appointments that can be made on a given day.  Like I said, each runner has on average nine appointments each work day.  And because that stupid computer system they use is fucked, they can't add or subtract.  It's a set number now.  So there's no way any team can be more busy than the other.  So that claim goes out the window.  The second one about being shorthanded is a little more valid.  However, it's not like there's SO much work that someone can't pick up the slack.  It's not a good idea to run with fewer people all the time, but a day here or there isn't going to break the entire process.

But it's more than that with Jade.  I today I was talking to my coworkers about the near impossibly of the Wednesday bookdrop having taking up seven book carts.  First off, I went last week on Sunday, November 29th, to empty the bookdrop and check in some books from the previous two days.  Tony was at work that Monday and Tuesday, and didn't have a shit ton of books like there are suddenly sitting there today.  The notes on the bookdrop said December 2nd, 3rd and I think I saw 4th.  That's insane.  There is no way they had that many books in the bookdrop last week.  That is, unless you combine all the days together, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday AND Wednesday.  And that's what Jade did.  The bins that we place the books in were empty.  Meaning he moved them all the the carts.  He simply redid the dates and left there there to quarantine.  How do I know.  This book pictured above.  The yellow one.  My coworker said she checked in every book on this cart, including the yellow book.  I remember this book from when I went to the library on the Sunday after Thanksgiving to empty out the bookdrops.  The whole idea of me going there that day was to lessen the burden for the next crew.  This has been the only time I've done the bookdrop in weeks.  I saw this book in the fucking bookdrop.  So I took it out of the bookdrop on November twenty-ninth.  Jade claimed he was SO busy that he couldn't even check in the small amount of books from Sunday?  He had four days to check in those books, and all he did was move them to a truck.  The truck move was simply to hide the actual dates of when the books arrived, and shuffling so that it looks like they had a mountain of books on Wednesday.  Can't fool me though.  I know that any random Wednesday won't have seven carts worth of books.  No way.  He's playing shuffling tricks with the books, and these dopey managers don't see through his tricks.  But I did.  I told my coworker how Jade did it.  If he wants to tell our supervisor about this I invite him to do so.  But I know nothing will change even with all the evidence in the world.

I told my supervisor that I had to leave work early, at 2pm, because I had an appointment.  I had already told him about the possibility of having to leave early on Friday, so he was ready.  Leaving early today is MUCH better for me than Friday.  So I finished up and went home to pick up my aunt and to go the attorney's office.  When we got there he was busy with another person.  Once we got into his office we were there for maybe five minutes, tops.  Done and done.

A few days ago I mentioned that I bit the bullet and bought a fancy camera.  Well, today it arrived and the above picture is the first picture I took with the new camera.  Videos are yet to come.  I'm taking the camera with me tomorrow, and I hope to convince TheGirl to drive me into Toluca lake to check out some of the Christmas light decorated homes in that neighborhood.

Wednesday, December 9, I don't have much to report on work today.  I never seem to when it comes to Wednesdays at work these days.  I just go in, put my head down, and get what needs to get done done.

We are still under a stay at home order in which there is take out food, no indoor dining, but also no outdoor dining.  With an exception, or sorts.  The car hop.  Tonight TheGirl and I went to have dinner at Bob's Big Boy, which is still doing car hop service.  We brought some wine in tow and headed to Bob's for dinner.  Both TheGirl and I ordered a Big Boy hamburger, and boy did it taste GOOD.  TheGirl generally doesn't eat meat, but tonight she said fuck it, and had a burger.  She said it was wonderful.  I agree.  It REALLY hit the spot.  We had a little wine, but we didn't want to overdo it.  At least I didn't.  It was fine, I was just enjoying the moment.  I might have to come down and get some food on a random Monday.  We didn't have Cheyenne with us though, because TheGirl rightfully thought that she would be on top of us while we ate.  I don't like leaving Cheyenne at home, but TheGirl did take her into work with her today.  But still.  It was for the best tonight though.  Next week is my week to pay, so I wonder where I might pick up some food.  Hmm.

After dinner I persuaded TheGirl to go check out some of the Christmas light in Toluca Lake.  We didn't go to many of the houses, but we did go to one of the best.  This place has a huge display out front.  Every year they put a lot of effort into their displays.  Here are a couple of other pictures from this house, known as Lilley Hall.

The lunch tray that I ordered from Clifton's arrived tonight.  It was in a huge box just inside the fence.  When I got it out it looked pretty damn good.  Sure, it has some wear and tear on it, but the front of it looks great (look above).  I'm glad I bought it.  Now I have to figure out how I can display it.  My room has run out of display area.  I guess I can try to make some.  I love it!

Thursday, December 10, My aunt woke up at around 5am and when I got up she asked me if she could make me a breakfast burrito.  At first I hesitated, but then I thought sure.  Why not?  I hesitated because something as simple as a breakfast burrito turns into a whole production with my aunt.  And she takes too long.  Well, that slowness today almost made me late for work.  It was 7:10am before I had my burrito served.  I usually leave for work at 7:15am.  So yeah, I wolfed down the burrito, hence the picture above being only of the last bite.

I looked at my work email today and noticed that it said that I was scheduled to work on Christmas eve.  Ah, what?  These idiots.  I want to say something about this, but at the same time I want to call out "sick" for that day.  That way I still get paid.  Idiots.  I work with idiots.

I mentioned before that Jade doesn't do his job, and just makes excuses about how busy he is, in order to justify the fact that he hasn't done any work.  Today I dropped a dime on him, telling JoKwin that it was strange that all the carts had the same date.  His opened when he realized that meant he combined the books in the bins to make it look like there was much more.  But not only that, but by changing the date it moves the responsibility of checking those books in to a later time.  He labeled books as coming in on December 2.  Under the rules we're supposed to quarantine those books for four days.  Which means they can't be checked in until December 6th, at the earliest.  Which is a Sunday, which means he doesn't have to check any of those books in.  It's up to the next team to do it.  Jokwin got it, as I knew he would, when I told him that he changed the date on all those books.  Because I went in on that Sunday and brought in books, and Tony also brought in Monday and Tuesday books.  Magically those book's date were changed.  Not fair.  I'm not sure what JoKwin will actually do with that knowledge, but he said he was going to talk about it with Kvon.  I told him that was good, but not to expect any change.

My aunt is really slowing down these days.  Each day seems to be more and more of a struggle for her, but she doesn't seem to get that she's not getting any younger.  At dinner time she told me she was so busy that she didn't eat lunch.  That's nuts.  If I missed lunch I would be starving by the time we had dinner.  I warmed some soup for her, and spread some refried beans on a roll for her.  I ate the leftovers from Saturday.  They hit the spot.  Not full, my aunt heated up another roll and ate that.  But what concerns me is that after dinner she casually tells me that she fell down in the yard today.  Never mind that she doesn't wear the smart watch that I bought for her.  But the update that's supposed to give me fall detection hasn't been updated yet.  So even if she was wearing it, I wouldn't know.  I don't know what to do with her.  The neighbor's kid came over today and I saw on the security camera's footage that neither my aunt nor the neighbor's son had masks on.  Fucking bullshit!  And then this morning she says she wants some rolls from the market.  I guess she doesn't get that I don't want to go to the market every other day.  And then she says that she made an appointment with CityRide to take her to the store.  She's going to crack her head open on of these days, and I won't find her until I arrive home.  I'm very concerned.

She struggles to do anything simple these days.  And she wears so many layers of clothing that it doesn't allow her to move freely.  I bought her some thermal underwear, but it seems to have gotten stuck at the post office.  They said online that there was a problem with the address.  What problem?  I get so many items delivered to the house, and yet certain things become a pain to get delivered.  And it's so random.  Last time it was a case for my phone.  This time it's thermal underwear.  I have to call them tomorrow to see what I can do to get them delivered.

Friday, December 11, There isn't much to report from work today.  I had to make a special delivery picking up some paperwork for the boss to see.  After that I got on my merry way.  I had lunch at Chevy Chase today.  It wasn't really my idea, but my old supervisor was at Montrose, and I rather not eat there when someone else is there.  Also, despite being busy in the morning I was actually running ahead of schedule.  So why go so fast, I thought to myself.

I sat in a different table than usual.  It was nice, with a great view of the country club below.  It's a cold room though, so I'm not so sure I'm going to have many lunches here until it gets warm again.

When I got home my aunt was eager to tell me some story about the neighbor, or someone.  She's so hard to understand that I just nod my head most of the time waiting for her to finish.  But the problem is she's starting to get like my Godmother, and she'll tell a story that is longwinded and basically pointless.  It doesn't pertain to anything, and just serves to have her mumble something to me.  When I get home I want to change into comfortable clothes, and wash my hands.  But she kept on talking and talking so I couldn't get away to change.  I was hungry and I just wanted to get out of my work clothes.  But she kept talking.  That is until she fell asleep right there on the couch.  I was able to not only change but even just chill for a few minutes.  I got home feeling really tired tonight, for some reason.  It's not like I did that much heavy lifting at work.  I was just tired, I guess.  When I came out of my room she heard me and almost like on a TV show she started her story where she left off.  All I could do was roll my eyes.

Saturday, December 12, I woke up a little before 9am, but I didn't want to get out of bed.  As a consequence I fell back to sleep and didn't wake up for about an hour.  When I got up I noticed my aunt had been stirring earlier.  But, when I went to check on her she was snoring.  OK.  I figured I would wait a little and maybe she would wake up soon.  She didn't.  I waited, and waited, until my hunger got the best of me.  But this time it was past 11am, and I couldn't get breakfast at McDonald's, which is what we usually get on a Saturday.  As it go closer to noon I figured why not have a burger, or something.  I was craving a burger.  I went online and looked for some burgers close by, but I finally settled on an old favorite, Fatburger.  I ordered us up some food, a burger for me, and a turkey burger for my aunt.  And I got us fries and milk shakes.  The breakfast/lunch of champions.

After lunch I went out to my backyard to chill in the little amount of sun that I have these days.  It was nice.  But within an hour I started getting REALLY sleepy.  So sleepy that I was starting to doze off while sitting on the bench (pictured above).  That's when I decided to go inside and take a nap.  I slept for nearly two hours.  Jeez, all I ever do is sleep my weekends away.

Sunday, December 13, Last night I was jerking off and drinking whiskey.  Feels good in so many ways.  As I've said here a few times, I sometimes drink too much and I get whiskey dick, or I pass out.  Last night I passed out.  But not before having to pee like a race horse at one point.  Only issue was that my aunt was in the bathroom at that exact time, and wouldn't get out of the bathroom fast.  The pain from me having to pee was getting worse.  So bad that I was nearly peeing in my pants.  I finally decided that I needed to use a cup.  I found an old commuter cup and used that as a urinal.  A new low, I guess.  I couldn't take the pressure anymore.  I had to pee, and I had to hide the fact that I needed to pee.  My aunt lurking around made it impossible to go to the bathroom and ask her to get out.  My breath smelled of whiskey, and of course my aunt would smell that.

After eating lunch I got busy with the dirty dishes and watering the plants outside.  When I came back inside I went to tell my aunt that I had already watered the plants, so she wouldn't have to do that tomorrow.  But, when I got to her door I could hear her snoring.  It wasn't even 4:10pm and she was snoring away.  She had a rough night last night.  I think she was up at least four times, from the footage I saw on the security cameras.  Also, she told me she woke up at 4am.  I just went to check on something else and I heard her moving around in her bed.  So she took a little nap.

Monday, December 14, I was on the reference desk working on a video promoting the bookmark contest.  It was pretty quiet on the reference desk.  Other times there are about a dozen voicemails that I have to answer, but today there were only two.  Two is SUPER easy to handle.  This easiness gave me time to work on the video.  I was exchanging emails with the new boss as to little things that we could change about the video.  I mean I don't have a dog in the fight, I just make these things.  He was finally satisfied and I sent my supervisor the final version.

Later the head librarian came down to do her "rounds."  She used to just stay up in her office, but she was kicked out of that office, because she's no longer the boss.  Anyway, she asked me how I was and told me that she liked the video.  But then she dropped a bomb.  She told me that the new boss was going to tell pseudo supervisor that I wasn't going to allowed to work on Foundation projects.  Gee, that's like half of what I do there.  More, when it's nearing time for the charity event.  I don't know how pseudo supervisor is going to take this.  It can't be good.  Hopefully they can work something out.  If not, then I guess my days doing that stuff are done.  Just like that.

I have a new jacket from work (see above photo).  It looks pretty good.  Feels good as well.  It's not too heavy, yet it's warm.  Going to like this jacket.

Wednesday, December 16, Work was busy today.  I helped out Pseudo supervisor with some handouts that were going to be put in the curbside books, and also into bags for some program I have zero details about.  She had me make the above image fit on to a piece of paper that looked like a bookmark.  Same size and such.  I printed out about six hundred of them, and then cut them up, and then helped her staple them to the entry form for the contest.

This amid the fact that they finally told Pseudo supervisor that they don't want me helping her with Foundation projects.  I'm pretty sure that they won't make if "official" until after the bookmark contest is over in January.  But then after that they'll most likely tell me that I'm assigned to other assignments.  For her part she said that it is what it is.  What else can she say when the city basically told her that they want her out.  Out of that office.  Out, anywhere but at the library.  Which totally sucks.  I think the city is being myopic, but that's been the case for a long time now.

So now it's a countdown clock to the end.  I guess I'll be OK, but it sucks all around.

TheGirl and I ate take-out tonight.  I went to the Smoke House to pick her up a super yummy salad, and yummy fish & chips for me.  That, wine, and good company made for another good night.  We often get a little booze in us and get then get wistful.  Good times.

Thursday, December 17, The above picture is of the line in front of the post office today.  Obviously there were a lot of people in line today because it's Christmas time, and people want to send other's their gifts.  This is the longest the line has been since I've been going to the post office.  Good times.

The route today was pretty chill.  The usual chill Thursday route.  I think I've said it before, that one of the positive things about the route these days is that there are very few books going in and out.

I was looking at my work email for Glendale and I saw that they have me scheduled to work on December 24th.  Ah, what?  Since when do we work on Christmas Eve?  I asked around, and it looks like it's true.  We do work on Christmas Eve.  The full timers I asked said that if they want to take the day off they will have to take a vacation day.  I never thought that we worked on Christmas Eve.  Oh well.  It fucking sucks, but it's probably better that I do, because my last paycheck came is pretty light.  Mainly because the last paycheck covered the Thanksgiving holiday.  Which is why it was so small.

Back in late November my aunt had an appointment with a lady that was referred to by my cousin to help my aunt with her open enrollment.  That was the night of many fiascos, where my aunt wanted to go see the attorney at 5pm, because that was good luck, and she shinned on this lady.  She made her drive all the way out from Valencia only to tell her she had another appointment.  Bad form.  Well, the lady came by today, all these weeks later.  My aunt told me that she didn't want her coming today, but that she had no choice.  My aunt acts as if these things are forced upon her.  I honestly don't understand my aunt's thinking any more.  She is being manipulated by this TV guru, who does not have her best interest in mind.  But, I digress.  She signed up for some new doctor, I guess.  My aunt didn't really give me any details, and in keeping with my ideals I'm not going to ask her.  She will have to want to tell me.

My new duvet was delivered today.  Woo hoo!

Friday, December 18, A couple of weeks back one of my coworkers from Glendale was talking to me about this one fast food joint that had good food.  He told me it was up in La Cresenta, and that if I was ever up there that I should try it.  The Montrose library is only a few miles from there, so I figured that the next time there was nothing in the fridge for me to have for lunch I could go there instead of going to Burger King or somewhere else.  As I saw last night there was nothing for me to take for lunch today I figured that I could go up there today.  Sure enough I got my maps app on the phone to show me the way up there.  I ordered a pastrami burger and something called a Bulldog.  A Bulldog is basically a hot dog that is wrapped around with cheese and the dough used for egg rolls.  Obviously it's deep fried.  I have to say that the food was just meh.  Actually, the burger tasted SUPER salty.  And the Bulldog, which had so much potential, wasn't that tasty.  Mainly because the hot dog they used was meh.  The wrapping was good, but everything else was just meh.  I for sure won't be going back there again.  They are known for their teriyaki bowls, but no thanks.

While checking my work email this morning I saw an email saying I had a $25 gift card.  My first thought was that it was spam.  The email was addressed from a from a co-worker, so I sent him a text to see if it was legit.  Sure enough, he said that it was legit.  NICE!  I wonder who else got a gift card.  I joked that I should have had gotten a $75 gift card.  Still, it was good to have any gift.  I don't know how I can ask around to see who else might have received a card.  Maybe it was just me.

Almost toward the end of my shift I noticed on the security cameras at home that my aunt was leaving the house.  There is a specific sequence of cameras, from the living room, to the front patio area, to the driveway, that are triggered.  I checked the camera feed and sure enough she was all ready to go out.  I went on my maps app to see if she had taken the phone I gave her for when she leave that I use to track her.  I pay $13 a month to keep that phone up and running, so when she goes to the store using CityRide, or like today she leaves walking, I can see where she is at all times.  These days, more than ever, it's important that I have that information.  She has now told me that she has fallen at least three times in the last three months.  That's just a sign of her weak legs and her decreasing strength.  So it's super important that she take that phone with her.  But about ten minutes after watching her leave the phone was still showing that it was at home.  A few minutes later it showed the same thing.  That's when I could confirm that she didn't take the fucking phone with her.  Fucking idiot.

I obviously had zero idea where she went.  She certainly didn't tell me this morning of any plans to go anywhere.  She did mention wanting to go to the market, but she usually has a little cart with her when she goes to the market.  And I think she mentioned that she was going next week via CityRide.  This because she called to go today, but they told her all the appointments were booked.  As I continued with the route it was getting closer to 4pm.  Which means not much daylight time left in the day.  The sun sets at 4:45pm these days, on average.  That gave her about an hour of good light left.  But then when I got off work at 4:30pm there was still no sign of her on the security cameras.  I worried, but then I also said fuck it.  I have to divorce myself from this lady.  Worrying about her, and telling her that I worry, seems to not trigger any mechanism in her brain that perhaps she should say something to me about what she's doing.  She can call me to tell me that she made me soup, and that the mailman hasn't shown up, but she can't call me to just say where she's going.  Fucking typical.  Oh and then also forgetting the tracking phone.

On top of everything else she told me that she wanted some items from the market, which made me think that there was no way she went to the market.  Not knowing anything I just continued with what I had to do, so I went to the market to pick up the stuff she wanted.  Still no sign of her on the security cameras.  Now by this time it's past 5pm, and all I could do was look at the bus stop while I drove back home.  Maybe I would see her there.  I drove slow down my street to see if she was walking.  Nothing.

Just as I was getting home my phone rang, and it was a number I didn't recognize.  I don't know why I had a feeling that it was related to my aunt.  I hoped that it wasn't some random person calling me to say that she had fallen.  Or that it was a hospital telling me that she was there, hurt or something.  It turned out to be a restaurant on Van Nuys Blvd.  They gave her the phone and she asked me if I could pick her up after getting off work.  I told her I was already off work and that I would be there in a little while.  She turned the phone back to the lady and she told me the address.  It was just up the street from where my aunt gets her haircut.  She went out to get her hair cut.  Can you believe this shit?  I went and picked her up.  On the way home I asked her why she didn't call me from her cell phone.  I asked if she had not taken it, and she said that, "It didn't work."  When we got home I just turned it on.  For some reason turning on her old flip phone is something she can't do.  While waiting there the ladies at the restaurant offered her something to eat, for free.  She told them she wanted to pay.  We ate the food when we got home.  Enchiladas for me, which were not bad.  I've had better, but these hit the spot, because it was nearly 6pm when I picked her up, and I was hungry.

I need to not care any more.  My aunt acts like a child.  She has all these means of letting me know where she is, but she can't use any of them.  When I asked her why she didn't take the tracking phone she told me, "Because it's so heavy."  Fucking idiot.  It might weight a few ounces, but to her that's heavy.  Yeah, right.  I think I might just stop that service, because it's useless with a dope like her.

Saturday, December 19, I told my aunt this morning that I wanted to get a pair of sandwiches from Earl of Sandwich, because I had a coupon for a free sandwich.  She wanted tacos from Jack in the Box, so I went and got those and a burger from Wendy's for me.  I don't like the burger at Jack.

Come late afternoon I was getting hungry and I thought it was nearing 4pm, so I should start to get my order in online.  I ordered it all up and got my things ready to leave.  I went to my aunt's room to tell her I was leaving for the sandwiches.  She proceeds to tell me that she's not in the mood for a sandwich.  Immediately I wonder if there's a way of cancelling the order.  The only reason I ordered from Earl was due to the free sandwich deal.  I guess now I can eat it for lunch on Monday.  Fucking idiot.

She went on to tell me that she wanted me to go to the market and get some Fuji apples for her instead.  She said she hasn't pooped well over the last few days.  So I went on my merry way to pick up the sandwiches.  Oh, and by the way, the fucking coupon for the free sandwich didn't work.  So I ended up having to pay for it anyway.  Like I said, I could just eat it for lunch on Monday.  Or tomorrow.  We shall see.

On the way back from Earl I thought about how the actions and words of my aunt really serve to depress me.  She has zero regard for me, since she's willing to send me to the market on the weekends, when she must know it's packed, to get her a few apples.  It's also telling that before I left for the sandwiches she didn't give me ANY indication that she didn't want to eat one.  And like the other night, where she left to get a haircut, she never thought to call or leave a note saying where she went.  Because, as I pointed out, she will call me to tell me the most trivial things.  THAT she can waste my time on, but something important she can't spend a second to do, because she's "too busy."

And the clinging to stupid ideas like listening to her TV guru for advice.  Literally calling him because she needs to make a decision about something very simple.  Telling me that I need to start tithing, because the amount I give to "God" will come back ten fold to me.  Yeah, right.

I'm just so very tired of her actions.  She needs to see a doctor.  She needs to have someone come over during the day to check up on her, and help her with the housework and cooking.  She needs to change a lot of things, like sleeping all day, and being up during the night.  She has now established this pattern where she's active at around 4am.  No wonder she's sleeping during the day, she can't help but be sleepy.  She needs to change a lot of things.

In short, it all serves to make me feel depressed, and I'm starting to resent her for these feelings.

Sunday, December 20, As I write this my aunt is in her room sleeping.  It's 3:21pm and she went to bed around 1pm.  Somewhere around that time.  We got up, she was doing the wash, and had been outside throwing out the garbage.  That's when I saw her once again looking into my car (see above).

What concerns me is that I've seen a gradual but steady decline in her.  She's not feeling well.  She's fallen a few times.  She told me her head hurt.  But even with all that she doesn't say that she's going to visit the doctor.  I emailed the lady that helped her with her healthcare enrollment to ask when was the earliest my aunt could go visit the new doctor.  She needs to see this new doctor and get well.  If possible, of course.  All I know is that she has complained about a pain on her side for a couple of months now.  Is it that hip problem?  I don't know.  She also seems to be losing what little weight she has on her.  And she doesn't think straight.  That's something that's always been, but now she seems to be losing it.

Monday, December 21, I showed up to work at San Marino and walked into my office and noticed that the place had been cleaned up (see above).  I mean I've never seen this much floor space available in this office.  Pretty nice.  Too bad it means that it's possible that the Foundation's days are numbered in that office.  I say that because the writing on the wall looks to indicated that the new director will ask Cindy to leave.  I might be coming after the new year.  They already told pseudo supervisor that they don't want her to come back for a while.  They are using the fact that the police have to use that area.  I guess time will tell if they allow pseudo supervisor to stay in that office.

When I got home there was something in the mail for me from the city of Glendale.  I knew what it was, since a coworker already told me that the city was doing.  They were sending out gift cards.  Little did I know they just went across the street from the civic center and bought a bunch of drinks for all of us.  I mean really what is basically $5 for a drink is nothing to sneeze at, since it is free.  But it's just shady since they could have just given us $5 to do as we please.  Oh well.  I'm pretty sure many of those free drink coupons are not going to be used.  And I guess that's the point.  They picked something that most people would not participate in.

Tuesday, December 22, There isn't much to report from work today.  I had to do the route today, since I can't be in the building with other people there.  Especially people that are not on my designated team.  Whatever, I didn't mind driving today.  The weather was near perfect, and there were hardly any books.

And not only that, but our "Dear leader," DrDeath, sent out an email yesterday that said that we should take an hour today to, "Relax, reflect, and do something nice for," ourselves.  My coworkers joked about how that involved drinking, or taking a nap, or taking a longer lunch.  Only the second two were practical.  I pretty much didn't do anything but talk to my buddy at one of the branches.  Then I rushed to finish by 4:30pm.  It was fine, because the rest of the route was SUPER chill.

I almost never get to see Emma these days.  She keeps saying how we should try and go out and film some videos, but neither of us ever follow up on that.  So the only time I get to see her is when I randomly drive the route on a Tuesday.  Like today!  And sure enough, I got to talk to her for the longest amount of time, in person, since this whole Covid thing started.  That's because I've only seen her like two other times during all these months.  I mean, we've spoken on the phone doing a couple of FaceTime calls here and there, but the last time was like months ago.  But yeah, it was nice talking to her in person.  Even if we were over six feet apart.

When I got home my aunt went to take a shower, and I ate dinner.  She told me after she got out that she felt like she had a lot of energy today.  But as the day wore on she was less energetic.  It's true, I could see her on the security cameras, and she was bouncing around the house today.  Course at her age she's still going to get tired.  And yes, by the time I got home she was pooped.  She showered and went to bed.  I'm glad she's feeling better than she did this weekend.  She still needs to see a doctor for a consultation as soon as possible.

Wednesday, December 23, I had a hankering for one of my favorite sodas, named New York Seltzer.  It taste SO good, but my local market doesn't carry it.  I knew that Galco's would have it, and sure enough they did.  While I was there I also bought eight more bottles of soda, including a lavender soda.  It looks like I'll be going there more often in order to buy the New York Seltzer.  This time around I bought two four packs.  One pack of cream soda and the other being root beer.  Yummy!

I went out to my car to change my shirt.  While out there I was asked to take a picture of the library ladies.  Since I was at my car I was able to grab my nicer camera, the one that Emma gave me, to use to take the pictures.  LaFlor is on the bottom left side, sitting down.  Like all of us, she's gained a few pounds.  But they look nice on her.  Sigh.

I didn't have much motivation to get anything done today.  But, eventually I started getting some things done on the next video that I have to make.  I asked my coworker to pretend to look for books (see above).  More clips to come.  At least I started to get something done.  I really didn't have any want to do any work today.

Today was the first day that I had to deal with not being able to access my office.  Pseudo supervisor didn't even show up today.  She texted me on Monday, and said, "I'll see you Wednesday."  But, she didn't show up.  I suspect she won't be showing up until after the new year, if at all.  Sitting out on the reference desk all day was different for sure.  I do it on Mondays, but having no little sanctuary to go to was quite different.  I feel like a man without a country.  I have Chan in tow with me, as I do every Monday and Wednesday.  We won't be able to go back to the back office for at least two months, and maybe more.  I'm thinking more.  Part of me hates that Chan is just out here for anyone to manhandle.  Most people know not to do that though.  I kinda want to have a way of making sure no one touches hims.

The ladder half of my shift went by SUPER slow.  It felt like 4:30pm would never show up.  Eventually it did and I bolted out the door.  TheGirl decided to do some home cooking tonight.  She cooked up her chicken and rice dish.  She fixed it for me when we were going out a couple of times.  It really hit the spot.

After dinner TheGirl drove us around to see the Christmas lights decorating local houses.  It was super nice (see above).  There aren't as many houses decorated for Christmas as there were for Halloween.  Still, it was super nice to go out and see the lights.

A couple of weeks ago TheGirl asked me what I wanted for Christmas.  When she walked around of her room with a huge box I had honestly forgotten that I asked her for a new desk pad.  I looked at her and wondered what could be so big.  She's like, "Don't you remember?"  I really didn't.  It looks great on the desk.  The old pad looked fine, but it really wasn't.  The surface was falling apart.  Cleaning it only took layers off, and it was dirty.  It was time for a new one, for sure.

Thursday, December 24, Not sure when they made the day before Christmas a work day, but I honestly don't remember working on Christmas Eve while at these two jobs.  I told myself I would call out sick.  Then my supervisor told me they had some things they wanted me to do, and I was doomed.  I had to go into work.  But, I knew that it would be chill, and it was.

Above is a series of pictures from the various bookdrops.  I think there was only about thirty to forty books in all the bookdrops, combined.

The weather people didn't mention anything about rain today, but it got cloudier and cloudier.  When I was driving up to the Chevy Chase branch I could see some sprinkles hitting the windshield.  By the time I was having lunch at Montrose the rain was coming down pretty steady.  Not a lot of rain, but a good amount.  I checked the security cameras at home, but it wasn't raining initially.  It did eventually rain a little at home.  Just enough to wet the floor a little.

Saturday, December 26, My aunt told me that it's my fault that she's not feeling well.  She also blamed the demon that I brought home.  Yes, I brought home a demon (pictured above).  It's a fucking dragon puppet.  Now she's doing this whole play in front of me, appealing to me that I get rid of that "demon."  Ah, it's a fucking toy.  It's not a demon, it's a dragon.  As I told her, "Dragons don't exist."  She claims that she feels sick because of this toy dragon/demon and a dragon/demon hook I have in my room.

Yeah, so these "demons" are clearly stronger than her collection of mezuzahs in the house.  Which makes zero sense to me.  Because it means her "God" is powerless over a toy.

Speaking of my aunt, she has fallen into a bad sleep pattern where she sleeps during the day and can't sleep at night.  The last couple of weeks she's been stirring around in the middle of the night.  She must wake up to go to the bathroom every hour on the hour.  I see it on the security camera.  She'll get up around midnight.  Then 1am, then 3am, and 4am and 6am.  That seems to be the pattern, with variations, of course.  I told her that she needed to try not to sleep during the day, knowing it's hard to change that pattern the way she feels.  The thing is, she does do a lot of sleeping during the day, and I don't see her changing that any time soon.

Monday, December 28, The weather liars mentioned last night that there would be rain overnight.  Sure enough, it rained last night, and there was thunder and lighting.  This morning it was clear, but there is said to be more rain during the day Monday.  The rain sounded so nice overnight.  There was a point where I was still awake and I could hear the rain hitting the roof.  It would have been romantic if I had a lady in my life, and if I wasn't the constant bachelor.

When I got home my aunt was talking to me about how she saw another "demon" in my room.  I asked her where she saw it, not understanding where it could be.  Well, it turns out it's on Chan's blankie.  Earlier this year I got a blanket from Disneyland that has characters and Disneyland attractions as cartoons on the blanket.  She saw the Maleficent character from Disneyland's Fantastic (see above).  Jeez, I can't seem to do anything right.  I have demons all around me.  Wait, they're dragons.  As a friend said about the situation, my aunt now seems to be actively looking for these sort of things.  I think she's right.

My aunt was saying that she was cold tonight.  I asked her if she wanted to use my old duvet, which is old but still pretty warm.  About an hour after I placed it on top of her other covers I heard a sound from the other room, closest to the bathroom.  I found the duvet on the floor of that room, and I went to ask my aunt what happened.  She told me that the feathers from the duvet was making it hard for her to breath.  Ah, what?  No feathers came out, and she admitted that it might be all in her head.  I was going to toss the duvet anyway, and in a fit of anger I just took it and put it in the trash can (see above).  It's all in her head.

Wednesday, December 30, Last night when I arrived at home I felt something in my back pocket.  It was the van's keys.  I called my coworker to tell him that I took the keys home, by mistake.  He told me it was OK, because he's done it as well.  Sure, but I had to return the keys to him this morning.  Since he starts early, I had to be at work early as well.  It was HARD to wake up so early.  It's bad enough having to do it yesterday, but having to do it today was a bit of a punch.  I was so sleepy when I woke up.

On my way to take some pictures at the Lincoln Height branch library I noticed that the maps app was sending me towards a familiar place.  It was taking me by my Godmother's old apartment building.  I hadn't been there since my two aunts and I cleaned out her apartment.  That was over two years ago now.  I just had to stop for a moment.  The opposite side of the street, where I stopped, was clear, because it was street cleaning day.  The light of the rising sun made the exterior glow a bit in a golden hue.  I haven't thought much about my Godmother lately.  I haven't even taken the time to get her headstone done.  I feel bad.  I need to ask my cousin to help me with the words.  I also need to find the paperwork.  Oh, and I still haven't even picked up her death certificates.  I've done a terrible job with her memory.  Time to get some things right this coming year.

I arrived at the Lincoln Heights library and found that there was no parking around it.  Again with the Wednesday street cleaning.  The library was also in the shadows, so the light looked blue, rather than the pretty golden color that I saw at my Godmother's old apartments.  I could only take a picture from the car (above).  After, on my way to work, I stopped by a couple of spots that looked good for some pictures.  I think I got at least two good pictures.  Not bad.  I was thinking that the coming year I should post many more black and white pictures.  Perhaps.  Time will tell.

TheGirl and I went to the restaurant down at the end of her block to get some take-out.  The place is famous for their fish & chips, and I will say that the fish & chips hit the spot.  So did the wine.  So did the company.  This is the last dinner with TheGirl this year.  It's been a good year on our Wednesday dinners, even while the entire world sucked.

Thursday, December 31, The day started with me seeing a message online from the rest of team yellow (picture above).  It showed that the yellow team finished all the tasks for the week.  Unlike team blue, which has Jade.  He always makes excuses for not finishing.  I like that team yellow showed just how the job is done.  It was basically a fuck you to the blue team, but specifically Jade.

The route today was chill.  I still had the loaner van, which gave me the excuse to not pick up any donations.  I'm glad.  I don't like the donations, and not having the proper van is the perfect reason to not pick them up.  Woo!

There was an email that went saying that they were going to stop curbside service for the foreseeable future, because one or more people at the library contracted Covid.  They can't tell us who it is, but they alluded to it being more than one person.  Hmm.  I asked what that meant for me and I was told that they still want me going in to work.  Hmmm.  It was a wonder that it took this long for our department to get a case, or two, of the virus.  Time will tell when they will let the rest of the crews go back to the library.  This year has really sucked.

Amen to the newspaper... good riddance 2020.  You were the worst year I've known in my life.  I won't look back with nostalgia.  Just fuck off!

Monthly wrap-up, December was not such a bad month.  That's not to say it was a good month.  I do love this time of year, because of the weather and the lights.  I like the daylight ending sooner than later.  I love that it's cooler out.  And I really love the Christmas lights.  Sure, this year it was much more difficult to do things.  But, by next year we should be back to "normal."  Whatever the new normal will be, that remains to be seen.  Still, it wasn't a horrible month.  I give the month a C+ grade.  During 2020 a C+ makes it one of the better months of this year, especially during the pandemic.

Year end wrap-up, What can I add to what I've already said about this year?  I guess I can say that I survived 2020.  I was talking to a friend about how terrible this year was.  And it was.  However, in some ways it was a decent year.  I'm still working.  If anything, I've done better at work what with a raise coming down the pike.  While others struggle, I'm lucky that I still have a job.  I still fear for my aunt's health.  And I hope the coming year will bring some sort of solution to what is ailing her.  I hope this new doctor she has chosen will treat her right, and will help her see that her path to health lies in her making some changes in her way of thinking.

But yeah, this past year has been a struggle.  As I write this it's just past Christmas, and it was like no Christmas before.  The family didn't come over, which was fine by me.  It was the things we missed, because they were cancelled, that made this year feel diminished.  For me, Disneyland.  And also at this time of the year, the forest lights, and even the Christmas light displayed.  Everything seemed diminished.  Rightfully so.  This pandemic has hit everyone in the world.  I was messaging TheDesire about how this is something we are all experiencing.  We have become so fragmented over the years, but strangely this is a shared experience.  I can't say it's brought us together though, because it really hasn't.  It has split us on old and new lines.  Mostly due to the lies and actions of the President.  He is a lowdown, despicable... I don't want to say person, but I guess I have to... person.  He's actions over his term in office served the forces of the past that want to live in the past.  The forces that want to ignore inequality, because they're on the side of privilege.  The forces that want to stay the course, because they're doing well.  The forces that want people to get sick and die, so that they don't have to contribute another penny to help.

2020 was a bad year, no doubt.  There is a meme that I saw where someone is paying for something at a cash register.  The person behind the counter says, "That will be twenty-twenty."  And the picture shows a collage of images, from murder hornets, to toilet paper rolls, to sanitizer.  I'll find the image and post it here.  I'm doing this from memory.  In short, the person is having a flashback to this fucking year.  I think we're all going to have some sort of flashbacks to this year, whether we like it or not.  I hope 2020 ends up being the worst year of our lives... not the worst year, so far.