August was mostly me trying to get something going, and failing over and over again.  On to the update.

Thursday, August 1, I parked my car in the parking structure this morning while dodging some idiot driver that had his car in the middle of the aisle.  I drove around the car and parked.  Then I noticed that this guy was noting the license plate numbers.  This is why I went ahead and did the same to them, by photographing the car (pictured above).  I told my boss about it and he said that it's not a private lot.  Yes, this is why I didn't say anything to the dopes at the lot.  Nevertheless, I think it's shady to go around recording the plates of all the cars entering the structure.  If it's harmless why make a big deal out of it.  And why not just have some guy walk around.  Why does he had to drive around?  And drive around like a dick?  I don't like this one bit.  There's something shady going on.

One of my coworkers informed me today that the inside bookdrops are a bit of a success.  Last month they installed these bookdrops, not entirely sure what their claim was, but the reason is that the stupid sorting machine doesn't work.  It sucks dick.  Well, it turns out that the inside bookdrops, that happen to be placed RIGHT NEXT TO the Cerberus bookdrop slot, are popular.  More popular than the stupid sorting machine.  I forgot to take a picture of the machine's sorting bins, but I saw them today and they were nearly empty.  Kvon sent an email today talking about the procedures for the desk.  He says at one point about the bookdrops, "Please walk customers to the return slot near the AMH window.  Every effort should be made to encourage patrons to return their items at the [sorting machine] return slot."  Yeah, no.  I'm not going to do that.  Fuck this shit.  But how funny is it that the sorting machine is passed over in favor of the low tech bookdrop that doesn't do anything high tech?  The morons who run this place are totally clueless.  This is why they continue to fail.

TheDesire texted me today to mention that she was now on another social media platform... twitter.  I'm following her, though knowing her she won't post too much.  But, I think she started the account in order to follow others.

Tony keeps leaving LunaTick "love" notes on the steering wheel of the delivery van.  Because this idiot keeps fucking up and not doing the right things.  He keeps on leaving only one bin at certain locations.  Not only that, but Tony asked me if LunaTick took all the bins on Tuesday.  I honestly didn't see if he did or not.  But I wouldn't put it past him to NOT take all the bins.  Because LunaTick is not OK.

I was talking to Becks today and she told me that she was excited about her job interview tomorrow.  I had forgotten that she was going to have a interview this week.  She didn't come out and out saying that she didn't want to work at Glendale, but she did say she was super excited to possibly return to San Marino.  I knew what that meant.  She was sold a bill of goods at Glendale.  I believe she was told that she would be a librarian at Central.  But that didn't happen when she was hired.  Still, she paid her dues.  She got a full time job, which she wasn't going to get at San Marino.

On Tuesday I took the library to add bookmarks and useful items to the iPad that I use on the third desk today.  Not that I actually got to use it much.  But having no helpful links sure didn't help me while I had it on the desk.  In a little free moment today I went ahead and added bookmarks to the library's website and "card" catalog.  I told Kvon what I did.  When I got home today I noticed that Kvon had sent an email saying how one of the LITS dopes had added, "Our library apps and URLs for use."  Ah, what?!  If I hadn't done it in the first place these dopes would NEVER have done it on their own.  Fucking bullshit!  Fuck this place.

Friday, August 2, This picture above is the saddest little corner in the library.  It's the corner next to the sorting machine, and when I look at this you just see sadness.  The self checkout machine has probably NEVER been used by any patron.  I mean look at that shit.  The scanner is not even facing the right direction.  That computer just looks pathetic.  I never understood why the companies that put these self checkout machines put zero effort into making something fully contained that looks good and does the job.  The old self checkout machines were certainly not going to win any design awards, but at least they understood what they were.  Their design was made to kinda focus patron's actions into the job of checking out their own books.  There isn't even so much as a little sticker on the RFID pads that says "place books here."  And as I said, I'm sure this little corner of the library has never had anyone visit it.

When I went to Montrose yesterday Emma was there.  She looked really cute.  She was wearing a cute little dress.  I wanted to get a picture, but I had left my phone in the van, and I wasn't going to come back after getting it.  That would be creepy, I think.  But, today she posted a nice little picture on social media.  I have no idea why I keep failing to hang out with her.  Last week we were going to have brunch and then she cancelled.  She never mentioned hanging out this week.  Well, I shouldn't say never.  She asked if I wanted to go to a Backstreet Boys concert tomorrow night.  Ah, no.  But I guess she did ask.  And she asked if I was willing to go to Disneyland on September 13th, since it's her birthday.  You know what, yes.  I plan on asking for the day off.

I've thought about how I shouldn't go to Adams on Fridays, but since they had the monthly events in delivery I felt I had to go and drop off there books.  But of course when I got there they had ZERO books going out.  I mean not even ONE!  I tell people that I'm a dung beetle, I see all the shit.  Yeah, this was some of the shit I saw today.  This, is a new low.

I didn't expect Grandview to not have any books going out today either, but then again I'm not surprised.  Those branches are two of the least circulating branches in the system.  The only reason Grandview has any numbers is because it exists across the street from a school.  I'm not sure who is going to Adams though.  So sad.

As mentioned in a previous entry, TheDesire is on yet another social media platform.  Today she posted a picture of herself at her new job.  I think she's still so gorgeous.

I was tasked with picking up some prints from a local print shop.  It turned out they were huge blow up photos of TheLooker.  They're part of an upcoming art project, which I didn't get all the details about yet.  Gee, I wish I could photograph TheLooker in a more controlled way.  A nice portrait.  Maybe some day.

In yesterday's entry I mentioned that Becks might be returning to San Marino. Well, today it was made official.  She's going back to San Marino.  The boss wanted no one else for the job.  I mentioned how Becks wanted to stay in San Marino last year when she got the full time job in Glendale.  She knew she wasn't going to get to stay and get a full time job at San Marino, she had to go for the Glendale job.  But then TheLamp left suddenly.  And that position was open, and that's how she was able to return.  Good job.

Saturday, August 3, Today is my one day off and I slept all day.  It's like the weight of the week finally got to me.  I passed out after breakfast and then again after lunch.  How can I be so tired?

I'm not sure how I ended up looking through some old files, but I ended up viewing some of my archived files on my cloud storage, for the first time since I backed them up a few years ago.  I honestly didn't even remember what I had in those folders.  While looking through the folders I found some old photos of some of the ladies I knew when I was going to CSUN (shown above).  I'm still sorta connected to a couple of those ladies through social media, but it's not like we chat all the time.  I looked up a couple of them online and this one named Annette had a small online presence.  I remember asking her out and her asking how old I was.  I told her the truth and she said that the age difference was too much.  That sucked.  The other lady I know married and moved to Pittsburg.  Viewing that folder of pictures was like going down a memory lane of failed dating attempts.

And then there's Lynelle (pictured above).  I honestly don't think I've ever mentioned her on these journal entries, so here goes.  She was my photography professor during my first semester at CSUN.  I took it as an elective.  She walked into the classroom having to deal with a crazy slide projector.  I hopped up to help her and we became friends.  She eventually claimed her love for her, but I was on my trip to Monterey with MontereyGirl.  I never got to respond to her and here I am.  She now married and has a pair of kids.  That sure wouldn't have been my future with her, I think.

Sunday, August 4, One of my coworkers informed me that she's leaving for another job, a full time job.  She was my Sunday partner on the reference desk for about two years.  Oh well, I keep lingering around, and everyone else is moving on.

Monday, August 5, There were "Twin" earthquakes that hit the Ridgecrest area of California last month.  The quakes were strong enough that we felt them in Los Angeles.  Everyone I know felt them.  I certainly felt them.  I remember having a feeling of dizziness when the quakes hit.  Ever since that day I have sat in my chair in my room and have felt a very similar feeling of dizziness from time to time.  I've also felt it when sitting at my desk.  It's caused me to change my normal pattern of sitting.  The feeling was made worse by an old chair that normally moves when I shift my weight.  When the quakes hit I thought that the chair was moving because I shifted my weight.  However, the feeling continued long after, which made me get up from my chair.  That's when that feeling of dizziness was enhanced by the movement of the entire house swaying.  There are times, like now, when I don't feel that swaying feeling.  But, more often than not I feel as though the ground is slowly moving under me.  This happened after the Northridge quake, and affected me for years afterward.  I don't want to feel this feeling of dread, for lack of a better word, for years.  Certainly not.  But what can I do?  The beating of my heart moves my body enough, when I'm sitting in my chair, that my mind registers it as a possible earthquake.  I fucking hate that feeling.  I need to get over this feeling.

I show up to work, after drinking like a fish last night, and knowing I was going to pay for it big time, only to find that the internet logins on the public computers at work are not working.  It turns out there has been a server problem for weeks that has caused issues, such as the times on the internal clocks being wrong.  Among other things.  The IT guys have known about this for a while now.  You think they would have tried to fix this last week WHEN WE WERE CLOSED.  But no, that would have required some FORETHOUGHT!  Alas, there's none of that going on these days.  Fucking bullshit!

Here is a picture of two of the most significant ladies in my life.  TheGirl... well, you should already know her story by now.  Cheyenne.  You should know her story as well.  Because, they represent the middle third of my life, and the wonder that filled my life during that epoch.  In short... TheGirl is the most significant relationship I've had with a human, outside of my Mother and Grandmother.  Cheyenne is the most significant everything else that, outside of Big Sur, that has come into my life.  The fact that she and I, and TheGirl, went to Big Sur ties her to the that history of my life more than anyone else.

Tuesday, August 6, Slaughter desk, week twelve today.  The desk is the desk.  Not much to say about that.  There was a staff meeting this morning, but I didn't have an intention of going.  I was trying to fly under the radar with this one.  But, just as I was about to leave the boss says, "You weren't invited to the meeting?  That's strange."  I didn't tell him the truth, that I was "invited," but that I ignored and deleted all those stupid emails.  But, then he tells me that since I was there I might as well go to the afternoon session of the meeting.  Fuck!  I was moments away from escaping.  Of course what followed was a shit show meeting.

There was so much shit piled up during the meeting that I feel I don't know where to start... but here goes.

DrDeath started out the meeting with a powerpoint slide containing a bunch of numbers.  One number was 1,500,000, but not that exact number.  More like 1,545,294.  I don't remember the exact number, but it's an example.  Anyway, he claimed that this past year's circulation was the highest that it's ever been.  Yeah, right.  I see the bins as they come in and out of this place, and there is no way that the circulation is more than years past.  But, I came to find out that of course they artificially boosted the numbers by counting every song that's heard on the digital music service as a circulation.  So a song counts as much as a book.  Hence the "record" numbers.

Following that DrDeath mentions that there will be composting at the library.  Huh?  What?  I don't need to tell you that's NOT WHAT A LIBRARY DOES.  We can barely do library things now.

DrDeath then announced an initiative to gauge "employee satisfaction."  Oh, he doesn't want to actually know what the employees think, because we all think the dopes in administration are all dumb fucks with their heads up their asses.

Then the moment that was better than anything could be on this shit sundae.  They went ahead and unveiled the new library logo.  To say it is shit is to insult shit.  I head a low but audible gasp from the crowd.  It was THAT bad.  Also, I asked others about it, and no one thought it was good.  But then one of the full time library assistants started clapping super loud.  It was awkward, to say the least.  It was such a sycophantic move.  This particular person has very few friends at the library.  Certainly today's little over clapping for crap didn't win her any friends.  Even DrDeath flinched a little over her overreaction.  The logo is a shit show, but unintentionally it really does encapsulate all the mistakes they made and will continue to make.

In short, everything they say is a lie.  Everything they do is based on lies.

Wednesday, August 7, I know I KEEP posting pictures of this girl, but they're all coming up on my photo feed.  The pictures jar my memory about those past times.  Inspired by the photo I decided to text Talia.  She's been wanting to "hang out."  I texted her and she mentioned hanging out.  So I took the bait and told her that we could hang out on the 24th.  Then I asked her if she wanted to be "intimate."  She said yes.  I know I can't be intimate with Talia at home, so I'm considering getting a cheap hotel.  Maybe some booze as well.  We'll see.  I need to bust a nut.

Wednesday is the best day of the week, because I spend it with my favorite ladies and Chan.  I forgot to ask TheGirl how we ended up STILL having Wednesday night dinners together despite our break up and subsequent time apart.  I honestly don't remember.  I guess part of me didn't care to ask her that.  The night was nice and cool.  The weather should always be like it was tonight.

Thursday, August 8, There's a project that TheLooker is working on, and will be featured in said project.  It's a thing where portraits are blown up to huge size and then posted up in black and white.  It's quick and dirty but good.  She wanted me to photograph her.  There was a moment when we were looking at the photos on the camera when she and I got really close.  I say that I think I'm catching a vibe from her, but as I told my buddy... I don't want to be "that guy" that reads the signals all wrong.  Then again, I tend to read the signals wrong anyway.  I'm always convinced the lady isn't interested, when she is interested.  Gee, how do I ALWAYS get that wrong?

This might be silly, but I went ahead and searched for a hotel room for my "encounter" with Talia in a couple of weeks.  I'm hedging my bet, because I want to get laid.  Trying to have sex at home while my aunt is in the other room isn't going to jive.  Also, part of the plan is that I get Talia into a shower and clean her up.  I hope this doesn't turn out to be a mistake.  I think I should get some booze for her and maybe some nice things for the room.  I'll have to think about it.

Friday, August 9, There was some filming at the library today.  There's a new show featuring a detective, of sorts, that is based in Portland.  It's for one of the networks, and it stars the lady that was on some TV show about about meeting someone's mother.  She was also in a bunch of the current super hero movies.  Well, now she has her own show, and they decided to film a short segment at the library.  The library stood in for a bank.  I had to do the route, so I didn't get to watch as they filmed.  Why couldn't this have been done on a Tuesday, when I'm on the desk?  Oh well, my big break will come sometime.

I drank all my whiskey last night, so I had to go to the market on my way home.  I first stopped off at the Vons on Laurel Canyon and found they didn't have any Maker's.  Across the way there are both a BevMo and a RiteAid, but the price for the bottle was $30.  No way.  I went to the Ralphs on Ventura and Hazeltine, which they totally renovated a few years ago.  The market was pretty big in the past, but now that it sits on top of a small garage it's super big.  I mean it's huge.  I walked around and was kinda of in awe of how big and how many products they carried.  As seems to be the thing these days there were a bunch of attractive women walking around.  One, stood out from the crowd.  She was wearing a catsuit (similar to shown above).  I mean, that's some gall.  You REALLY have to have a great body to pull wearing a catsuit off, but this girl did it.  She was ethereal.  I wanted to get a picture to show here, but I failed.  I didn't want to be a creeper.  Though, truth be told with all the other photos I've taken over the years someone could legitimately say I might could be a creeper.

Saturday, August 10, My buddy Vagabundo wants to hang out tomorrow after work, which doesn't work for me normally, because I pick up my aunt after work.  This is why I asked my aunt if we could go today instead.  Also, it gives me a chance to visit with her as well.  Which isn't something I get to do very often.  She looked good today, but then at the end of our visit she was looking tired.  Poor thing.  Her birthday is coming up at the end of this month... ninety-five years old.  You know, she definitely has health problems, but she has an amazing capacity for life.  The fact that a couple of years ago she was hurt falling and is still kicking around today is a testament to her longevity.  She is bored most of the time though.  My aunt asked if we could get a TV into her room, but the home told her she had to provide her own.  I'm going to buy her a little TV so she can watch what she wants.

I may be making more of this than it will turn out to be, but since I'm dropping some money on this Talia thing in order to get laid I figured why not make it nice.  I don't know what to do exactly, so I went online and searched for ideas for a "romantic night at a hotel."  Granted, we're not staying the night.  But, I booked the room until 6pm, so I best plan some fun that isn't just fucking.  Certainly I want that to be the main thing.  But as stated previously, I wouldn't mind showering with Talia first.  She tends not to shower as frequently as she used to when we were first dating.  Anyway, I am thinking of taking some photos of her as well.  I hope she wears something nice.  I told her to do so, but knowing her she'll wear a potato sack.  See, this is one of the many reasons why things never worked out with her.

While texting the other day to set this up she mentioned, again, that we should get married.  I actually considered it for like a nano second.  She is rich.  I can't be THAT guy that only marries a woman for her money.  Or can I?  Ha!

Sunday, August 11, I knew the moment I tried to exit my driveway that today was not going to favor me.  My buddy wanted to hang out tonight and go get some tacos.  I love hime, but I really don't want to go out and do anything these days.  But, I felt bad that I've been basically ditching him for the last few months.  Because of that I agreed we should go get some food tonight.  I changed my whole thing with my aunt today in order to have my evening free to go get food.  But, my day was super lousy.  First, I couldn't get the safe open at work.  It's not my job to do this, but because these dopes don't schedule a full time person for Sunday I'm the one that has to be the responsible dumb dumb.  I couldn't' get out in front of anything today.  It finally died down, but the first couple of hours of my shift were not fun.

My buddy wanted to hang out and get some tacos.  After having the day I had at work I certainly wanted to have some yummy tacos.  Sadly the bad day continued when we went to get tacos.  We went to a taco truck that we have been to before.  Not the exact same truck, but the same chain of trucks.  Maybe it was because we were rather early, but the tacos were just OK.  They didn't taste like they did the last time we went.  I mean, they were okay, but nothing like that first time we went.  When I got off work I honestly was hoping that tonight wasn't the night that we had agreed to hang out.  I had that lousy day at the office and I didn't want to do anything but sleep.  But, thankfully we did hang out.  We flushed out some things.  Like my buddy going back to school and getting his library degree.  That's something that's just not in the cards for me.  Not unless I get a better job and make more money.  Not happening any time soon.

Monday, August 12, I drank more than my fair share of whiskey last night.  Even after my buddy left, as I got ready for bed I had a couple of shots.  Call them a nightcap, if you will.  Of course today I was feeling it.  Yeah, feeling good.  I woke up nearly an hour after my normal wake-up time.  But I go to work so early that even pushing back my shower and breakfast by an hour didn't make me late.

Let's just say it... I'm pussy-struct.  There's always some girl I fix my gaze on that I then write about in this journal.  It's going to happen over, and over, and over again.  There's no stopping that.  Case in point, the girl with the nice thighs that has been coming to the library lately.  She sits on the opposite side of the reference desk that I sit.  I see her there all the time.  Yesterday she gave me the "side eye" when I happen to look in her direction, and our eyes met.  I never trigger a smile from her.  Which is a shame, because I think she's rather cute.  But really I think she has a nice pair of thighs.

Pseudo supervisor wanted me to meet the Foundation members tonight.  Which means I had to stay late, but that was fine.  She figures it's good for them to know that there's a person behind the graphics.  I agree.

Talia and I were texting today.  She mentioned that she would love to go away for the weekend.  You know, I don't know what she's like on a trip, but part of me would like to find out.  It would be cool to go out and have some fun in say Santa Barbara.  I'm going to look into it as a real thing.  I mean, you never know, I might have fun.  For sure it would be nice to be intimate with Talia again.

Because Pseudo supervisor asked me to stay late I also arrived late with the ladies.  Thankfully not too late.  Puppy was tired tonight.  We played a bit, but she was tired.  She's getting older.

Tuesday, August 13, I don't feel well this morning, but I managed to make it to work earlier than stupid LunaTick.  I don't give a shit what he does any more.  He's not even someone I acknowledge.  He's so far out of my orbit that I honestly don't see him.

Today they were taking pictures of patrons for an art project.  They asked us at the circulation desk to ask people if they wanted to participate in a project where they would take their portrait.  I did my part, mainly because doing so allowed me to talk to some nice ladies.

Case in point, the lady above.  She was walking around, kinda aimlessly.  I waved at her and she probably thought I was some creeper.  But, then I was able to talk to her and get her to move towards the wall where my coworkers were taking the pictures.  This girl was super cute, but she ultimately didn't agree to sign away her life by signing the model release for her photo to be used.  Oh well, but I got a picture of her.

There is a project where they are going to use some old maps of Glendale.  But the people that put the art projects together want to use the original maps, some of which are over fifty years old.  Instead the head librarian insists that they use copies.  I opened my mouth about how they would photograph the maps and then stitch the photos together and then print them as one huge copy of the map.  Since I opened my mouth the head librarian mentioned my idea to the project people.  Next thing you know I'm part of the project.  But am I?  No one tells anything about me actually being on this thing.  The long and the short is that I simply mentioned that there was a way to do this.  We'll see what happens.

I can finally show the actual new library logo here (pictured above).  This is because the logo was finally seen in the "wild," in use for the portrait project.  I should have asked the patrons what they thought of the logo.

I was asked to record video while I drove the route, so I took one of the mini video cameras that Kvon bought.  As I left for home I took a short video that ended up capturing a nice view of one of the hottest girls at the library.  I've never even mentioned her here, so I don't even have a nickname for her.  She's gorgeous though.

Wednesday, August 14, Pseudo supervisor decided to buy the library lunch today.  I forget why, but for whatever reason we all got a free lunch.  Who doesn't like a free lunch?

TheGirl and I went to her favorite Italian restaurant, where I have YET to have a good meal.  I should just get a pizza next time.  Still, the company is always great.  The night air was near perfect, and the wine was yummy.

TheGirl mentioned that there MUST be some way to take Cheyenne with us on a trip to Carmel.  I don't see how, the way that poor Cheyenne gets so tired nowadays.  I think the solution is for me to win the lotto.  That way we could quit our jobs and make a slow, week long, trip up to Carmel.  If only.  Then we could just move up there for part of the year, and drink wine every night.

Thursday, August 15, I opened my big mouth the other day and I ended up being a part of some defecate space project.  Those that run the room wanted me to take a small camera to record my driving around the town in order to have it be a part of the project.  They would use the video to show the streets of Glendale, since the whole project is about the history of Glendale.  That's why they want to have the old maps.  Well, I'm having to make some rig up in order to have the ability to record the video while I'm on the route.  I hope they like it, because the alternative would be to just hook it up on my car and drive around the entire city.  Which wouldn't be so bad, actually.  I might propose that.

When I arrived at Montrose Emma was there.  She got up from her chair and that's when I saw how her dress clung to her body... and boy did it look amazing.  I didn't know Emma had such nice hips.  Every time I've seen her I've not seen the hip to waist ratio I saw her today.  Oh it was such mockery.  And it makes me think how we have said we should hang out for the better part of a year.  She broke up with her fella, and that gave me a bit of an open door.  But stupid me hasn't made the moves to at least TRY to step through that doorway.  ARGH!  I frustrate myself with my negative inertia.

Talia and I were texting today and at one point she asked if she could come over THIS Saturday.  I lied to her and told her I was working a shift.  I WAS going to work today, but then the coverage was there, so I didn't have to.  But, I also wanted to just chill after a long week. Is that too much to ask?  Obviously it is, because EVERY fucking week my one day is always interrupted.

Later Talia asked me if it was OK for her to bring her dog next Saturday when she comes over and visits.  Of-fucking-course NOT!  Here I'm planning on taking her to a hotel and fucking her, and how is that going to work out with her dog in tow?  I told her that I had a bit of a surprise, which it will be, and that the surprise doesn't allow dogs.  She said OK.  Whew!  One potential disaster averted.

There's just over a week to go before this little rendezvous and I'm starting to really worry this thing isn't going to come off as planned.  Jeez, I hope this doesn't blow up in my face, seeing as I'm spending real money on this hotel.  I guess I'll know if this is really going to happen the closer we get to next Saturday.  The way things are going this year I'm afraid that it's going to be a case of "Eventus Interruptus," in which I'll make plans and they fall apart at the last minute.  Like with hanging out with Emma a few weeks ago.  Or with TheLooker, with my buddy, and with just everyone.  I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Friday, August 16, I haven't been able to go go out to my backyard and "chill" for a long time.  The weather just wasn't right, or I was too pooped to do so.  Also, having a fancy new TV is kinda a distraction.  But, tonight it was JUST right to go and enjoy my backyard.  I love that the weather is finally getting nice enough to enjoy it.

For the last few weeks my neighbor two doors down has been having a bunch of construction done to their backyard area.  I could hear some pounding here and there over the last couple of weeks, but then last week I noticed a rising structure (pictured above).  They're building a "guest" house where there used to stand a detached garage.  This is the new trend.  My new neighbor across the street has a big home and a "guest" house in the back yard.  Well, little did I know that I could see the new "guest" house from my backyard.  Hmmm.

Saturday, August 17, It is time to make a chance.  Chang in jobs, change in attitude and especially a change in life.  I need to get over this negative inertia that's taken me over in the last couple of years.  TheLooker made some Armenian coffee for some of us in Circulation yesterday.  She said it was strong, but it was just right for me.  I usually get SUPER sleepy after lunch, but not today.  TheLooker said to me, I hope you have a high tolerance for caffeine.  I told her not to worry, this would just, "Even me out."  Sure enough, it just evened me out.  Even when I got home I didn't pass out.  I guess I need to join the ranks of coffee drinkers in order to get over myself and this low energy.  Everyone I know is tired, and why?  Because, everything seems to just be stupid and people are horrible, and everything is not right.  There's a complete idiot in the White House, and he represents this drag.  He represents ignorance.  He represents bad times, and moving back from enlightenment.  He represents all that is wrong.  The fact that so many idiots support him shows that there is a negativity in the world that must be overcome.  Ha... I guess what I'm saying is coffee will save the world.  Just kidding, I don't know what, if anything, can ever save the world.  But I know that in my world I need to have some energy to want to do things.  To want to live again, and not just spend my time going to work and sleeping.

Years ago I rented a video game from the store called "The Sims."  In it you create a person and then furnish a home for them and watch them have a life.  I remember playing it for a while, setting up the environment where my "Sim" was going to live, and in the end I was glad to return the game, because all my "Sim" ever did was go to work, come home, watch a little TV and then go to bed.  That was the routine the simulated person had.  I would speed up the game in order to change some condition, but in the end THAT's ALL the "Sim" ever did.  Well, I'm that "Sim" now.  Only this is real life.  I can't speed it up, I can't slow it down.  I can't reset it and install some mod that will make everything better.  I can only live it and make changes for the better.  Well, I think it's time.

Ilsa is on the move.  Today is her official move in date to her new home.  The GIF above is a snippet of a video she sent me, showing her car full of her things.  I'm happy for her, though it does mean I'll probably see less of her.  She's looking for a new job that's closer to her new home.  I don't blame her.

The above is a GIF of a video of my aunt moving the fucking floor mat AWAY from the front door.  Every fucking day I come home I see that she's moved the mat away from the front door.  Why?  Only she knows.  Of course she doesn't wonder why I move it back to where I think it should be, close to the fucking door.  In addition to that she goes ahead and does her little superstitious ritual of touching and kissing a mezuzah by the door.

Today she came into my room several times.  I'm sure she will NEVER understand that I don't want to be disturbed on my day off.  How many FUCKING times have I said that here, and yet she STILL doesn't get it through her skull.  This is another reason why I'm so tired, having to deal with bullshit not only at work but especially at home.

Last night I was up late trying to figure out what I might do on my trip up to San Francisco.  I have two big things I'm going to do for sure: visit Coit Tower, and visit the Walt Disney Family museum.  I slated one for Friday and the other for Saturday.  But that leaves A LOT of time during the day to fill with other touristy things to do.  One thing I found online was an area south of where the museum is called Pacific Heights.  It's a neighborhood that has some of the most expensive houses in San Francisco.  It contains an area called "Billionaires Row."  Might be interested, seeing as it's something I've never visited.  But, I'll have to do more research to see if it's worth going to visit.

TheGirl texted me to say that she went to the veterinarian took a sample of some growth on Cheyenne's ear.  She said that it may or may not be cancer.  TheGirl is going to have to take Cheyenne to a specialist.

At times like this it's easy to want to appeal to a "higher power" for some sort of good ending to this.  But I can only hope.  I can only hope that it was caught early enough.  I can only hope that the ever worsening state of life doesn't take this horrible turn.  I can only hope that when I said to myself that I never wanted anything bad to happen to Cheyenne and it wasn't some kind of precognitive fear manifesting itself.

Sunday, August 18, After some thought, I made some slight changes in my plans for Saturday with Talia.  I went online to the website where I booked the hotel room up the street from my house and thought that perhaps I could book a room closer to Talia's place.  Then I thought, why not Santa Monica?  After not finding anything that good in Santa Monica, I looked elsewhere.  Pasadena, Hollywood, and finally downtown.  I found that for about $10 more dollars I could book a room at the Bonaventure downtown.  There would have to be some workarounds, like not parking at the hotel.  Because, valet parking there is $50.  No thanks.  Thankfully Pershing Square is a few blocks away, and is only $10.  I went ahead and cancelled the booking for the hotel up the street from me and booked a room downtown.  But then...

But then, but then I was texting Talia and I told her I was looking forward to being intimate with her.  She didn't exactly balk, but I got the feeling that she wasn't too keen on the idea now.  She was last week, when I mentioned it.  I think about the reason why I stopped hanging out with her a couple of years ago, and how the time I spent with her was just blah.  It was a mess.  She wouldn't be showered.  Her place was a sty.  It was simply not a pleasure to hang out with her.  And the last time we were intimate we fucked, but she came and rolled off me and I was still not even close to coming.  I had to jerk myself off as she slept next to me.  For those few minutes I was inside her it was great.  That ended so quickly though.

Anyway, with my aunt here and me reconsidering spending the money on a hotel, I think I'll suggest that I go over to her place on Saturday, instead of her coming over to my place.

I'm wondering if I'm not setting myself up again for another fail with her.  I guess I'll play it by ear on Saturday.  But for sure I'll suggest I go over to her place, instead of her coming here.  That way I have more control over when I leave.

Kvon texted me yesterday to ask if I could work from 3pm to 6pm on the slaughter desk on Friday.  I need the money, so I said yes.  Not only that, but I regularly stick around past when I get off, because I end up talking to TheLooker.  I'll have to figure out how to do the route in less time.  I figure I could skip two of the closed branches and maybe hit the other branches in reverse order.  That way I don't end up talking to anyone. Speaking of Kvon, I went ahead and sent him an email today asking for my merit raise.  Crossing my fingers.

Monday, August 19, I had a talk with myself last night and I think it's best to not do this hotel thing with Talia.  She's just going to flake, hard.  I rather just tell her I'll go over to her house and suffer those consequences, than going to a nice hotel like the Bonaventure.  I should save something like that for Emma, or someone even nicer.  For now, I think it was a good idea initially, since it was a way of not having to be at home with my aunt while trying to entertain someone.

Speaking of my aunt, she was doing pretty well for a while.  She was leaving me alone on my Saturdays off.  However, it seems like she's in need of some attention, and has steadily dialed up the bother factor.  I don't want to beat her up too much, since she's at home all day and doesn't interact with many people.  I'm sure for most days I'm one of a few people she talks to on a regular basis.  Yes, she does have friends she speaks with on the phone, but that's not that often.  I gave her that iPad in order to have her chat with her sister in Mexico, but she doesn't do that every day.  She should, but she doesn't.  Oh well, school is starting tomorrow, and the girls will be coming around again.  She will hopefully have her fill of human interaction with them in the house.

The "tragic" news that the dummies are going to "postpone" the Nazi picnic at the end of the month was emailed out today.  These idiots expected us all to just jump at the opportunity to have a grand picnic in the park.  What they didn't count on is the reality that no one likes the administration of this library.  They are myopic, to say the least.  They can't see themselves, nor can they see that they have alienated EVERYONE that works for them.  Including each other.  I'm sure that this picnic thing won't be mentioned again.  Good, because these idiots can fuck themselves.

I became really sleepy on the desk around 1pm today.  I started to drift away, not quite asleep, but also not quite awake.  I believe I started to daydream of the girl that sits to my right, studying.  I imagined her riding my dick.  I imagined her naked body.  Oh it was marvelous, for that little moment that it was "real" in my mind.

I don't know how I got to looking at a picture of my father on his death bed, but I did tonight.  There is the reality that Cheyenne may have cancer.  After my visit with her and TheGirl tonight, there was a moment where I let my guard down and thought about her being diagnosed with cancer.  The thought of her dying made me cry like I haven't cried in a LONG time.  As I write this, the thought of that being a reality is devastating.  It's most likely going to happen.  She's going to have cancer, and she's going to die.  And once again I'm powerless to help.  Once again there's nothing I can do but stand by and watch it all happen.

Tuesday, August 20, Last night I told my aunt what I wanted for breakfast this morning, since she has this tendency to ask me in the morning, when I'm FUCKING IN THE SHOWER.  I told her to reheat some beans along with some chicken dish she made last week.  I told her this, because despite the fact that it is flavorless, I didn't want to hurt her feelings.  She asked why I hadn't eaten much of what she made the other day, and I told her the truth, that it was so much food.  I honestly don't want to eat that much food these days.  I feel full with less and less food nowadays.  Probably something to do with my health, but who knows.  But of course, she's never been one for details... this morning she totally forgot what I said last night and warmed me a quesadilla along with some cold pasta.  I had no idea she even made cold pasta.  When I got home tonight she complained that I had hardly touched the cold pasta salad.  I never asked for that fucking pasta.

Her voice has never been strong, and with age her voice is all the weaker.  I can hardly hear her in a quiet moment, let alone when she comes into my room and is talking to me while there's a fan less than two feet from me, and the TV is also two feet from me.  Fuck this shit.  I've given up on trying to hear her, because she won't meet me half way anymore.  Literally and figuratively.

I was a few minutes from leaving for work this morning when I received a text message from Kvon telling me that I was going to be driving the route today.  Because, of course, LunaTick called out "sick" today.  This is week fourteen of me on the slaughter desk, which means LunaTick has missed at least two out of fourteen weeks driving.  I haven't missed this many days in the last five years!

I opened my big mouth about how a project could be done and the next thing I know I'm taking pictures of giant maps and then stitching the pictures together into one big reconstructed map.  If idiot LunaTick had shown up to work today then I would have been doing this map project all day.  But, instead I'm having to drive the route, finish that up and then come and do this map thing.  Yes, in the long run I get more money out of this thing.  But it also gives me so much LESS time to get it right.  And it's not like it's that easy to do this.  Fucking LunaTick.

Wednesday, August 21, It's a good thing I canceled all those hotel rooms, because the other shoe dropped today, as I predicted.  Talia responded to my "good morning" text with what you see above, "I don't want to be intimate with you."

Buuuut, then Talia texted me from another phone she has and told me that someone took her phone away and texted that last line.  Which means Saturday is still on.  I canceled all the hotel rooms, so I'll be going over to her house in West Hollywood.  Wish me luck.

The above photo was taken by TheGirl.  You talk about being intimate.  When I was first introduced to Cheyenne many years ago she wanted to bite my head off.  If TheGirl hadn't held her back I'm sure that Cheyenne would have went right for my neck.  I think that's why TheGirl made it a point to take this picture.  In a few short years she has gone from wanting to bite my head off to trusting me enough to have me be right up on her face.  It's not even the end of the week and already I feel this has been such a long week.  It's because I'm worried about Cheyenne.  I cried quite a few times yesterday while I was on the delivery route.  I just don't know what I would do without Cheyenne in my life.

Thursday, August 22, I mentioned something about the so-called "Drought tolerant" garden that's now outside of the library.  I was tasked with taking pictures of the garden a few couple of weeks ago.  Which was fine.  Today I went out there, because on Tuesday they want me to take some pictures of DrDeath and the City Council in front of the library.  Well, how are they going to feel when they stand in front of the garden and see that a few of the plants are completely dead?  I wonder if they thought "Drought tolerant" meant that they never had to water these plants?  What... a... bunch... of... dopes!

Just like Tuesday I had to run the route and then afterward photograph more maps.  Thankfully since Tony and I had already set up the rig for the photos it was just a matter of photographing the maps one by one.  It was faster this time.  Still, I now have a ton of editing to do in Photoshop.  Already when I got home tonight I was tweeting and messing with one map that I had.  I still have to put a new border on it, and fix the little imperfections that come with stitching these photos together.  Whew!

Friday, August 23, I walked by the so-called drought resistant garden and saw that someone had taken the dead plants out of the garden (pictured above).  Can't have that if you're going to have the city council show up on Tuesday to talk about how the garden is a collaboration between the library and public works.  I'm to take pictures of this event on Tuesday, so it should be interesting.  I looked over the rest of the garden, and I have to say that a lot of the plants look really dry.  Perhaps all of the garden will be wilting or dead by the time Tuesday comes around.

I went up to the children's room to drop off a card for Snow, who is leaving some time soon.  The exact date is not known, because her start date with the county system hasn't been set.  While up there I saw that the self-checkout kiosks all had signs saying "out of order" in front of them.  Not only that, but this boxy one had an additional sign from before, when they ran out of paper.  Because the whole idea of the self-checkout is that you don't have to go to the service desk.  But, then if you want a receipt I guess then you do have to go to the service desk.  How foolish.  Vagabundo told me that the paper is a proprietary paper and that the library ran out.  What a load of crap.

Responsible dumb dumb here was scheduled from 8am to 6pm today.  Because, for some reason these dopes can't get any coverage.  That's a ten hour day for me.  It does mean bank, in the long run, but this week has been LONG.  Working thirty-one and a half hours at Glendale alone is a long week.

Saturday, August 24, TheGirl texted me this morning to say that Cheyenne's doctor checked out her growths on her ears and said they didn't look like cancer.  Of course it's reserved good news, since they still have to see what the pathologist has to say.  But I'm reserved happy by the news today.

It was WAY back in 2003 that I took the first pictures of Talia.  Boy, was THAT a different time.

I went over to Talia's place and the second I walked up I knew it was a HUGE mistake.  I suppose the Universe had warned me BEFORE, since every fucking time I go over to her house is nothing but a clusterfuck.  The entire house smelled like urine.  Talia tends to own dogs, for some reason.  The poor dogs seem to suffer in the conditions she's used to living in.

This whole idea of Talia's to go on a vacation together is certainly out the window.  Marriage?  Ha!  I didn't consider it a real thing before, and I'm certainly not changing my mind after today.  I think I'm a fool.  I was chasing a sure thing, and it wasn't even a sure thing.  Whatever, I'm dumb.

I was talking to my buddy about today, no details just abstract.  I wanted to hear the news on Cheyenne first.  Then I wanted to have a nice time with Talia.  Thankfully the news seems to be good with Cheyenne, but of course the whole visit with Talia was a bust.  I told myself that today would have to mark some sort of time for a chance.

Sunday, August 25, CSUN orientation 2005.

Monday, August 26, Every night I tell myself that TONIGHT is the night I won't have a drink.  Then I get ready for bed.  Then get ready to jerk off.  In between I take a swig of whiskey and that leads to another, and another, and another.  Which leads to me feeling GREAT.  Which leads to me jerking off and feeling great.  I don't know when those two worlds came together, but it was in the last couple of years.  It's the best and worst thing that could have happened to me.  It feels so good, but at what cost?

I hadn't seen the girl that sits next to the reference desk since last week, and I figured that perhaps she was done studying.  Thankfully she showed up again today.  I know she notices me noticing her.  She gives me the "side eye."  I look at someone like Emma and I want to be with her, but in my mind I never go to the place where my mind starts imagining what it would be like to see them naked.  It's like, why bother?  I'm not actually seeing them naked.  But this one is unique in that in my little sleepy daydream I imagined the woman naked.  Not only naked, but being intimate with me.  THAT is quite unique.  It probably won't happen, because I'm not that good at seducing women.  If she wanted something with me she would throw a signal or two my way.  The signals I get now scream "Stay away."  So, I stay away.

Tuesday, August 27, Week fifteen on the slaughter desk started off the desk and in the garden outside the library.  A few weeks ago a new garden was planted.  It seemed to take weeks for the army of men to finish planting a few plants.  But, when it was done these library dopes started crowing.  They prepared signs, voice overs to inform people of the plants, and were ready to taught this work to the world.  Well, today was THAT day that they trumpets sounded, and the library dopes celebrated their work.  Too bad it was all a show, a fake.  This thing was like that moment in the Wizard of Oz when Toto, the dog, pulls back the curtain and reveals Professor Marvel is the actual "Wizard."  Today was that moment, but only we know.  To the rest of the world this drought resistant garden will be thought of as some sort of success.  See, the library is saved again.

The best thing about today is knowing the real story.  Like how the plants in the garden keep dying, because, as I was told by the head librarian, they are plants that require shade.  She added that none of the plants are California native plants.  Also, she mentioned that the garden had been re-planted at least a half dozen times.  The security guard confirmed what I told my buddy would happen... the guys from Public Works came over yesterday to replant all the dead plants, and there were a lot of them.

I also like how DrDeath pointed out, at one point in the presentation, that the handmade signs had QR codes that a patron could use to learn more about the plants used.  It's funny that I didn't think of this until today, but the signs on not on the edge of the garden.  Which means if you really do want to scan the QR code you have to trample some plants in order to learn about them.  DrDeath literally walked into the garden to scan one of the QR codes and said, "You can scan them from a distance."  No you can't.

In short, these plants are COMPLETELY the wrong plants for a drought tolerant garden in front of the library.  Because the plants aren't California native, nor do they do well in direct sun, and the irrigation system doesn't work.  The garden will likely be totally dead by next week.

Today was Snow's last day at the library.  She's going over to the County system to work in Baldwin Park.  Most of us know that she was "forced" out by the powers that be.  Maybe not literally pushed out, but forced in the sense that she was diminished and her roll was changed in ways that were not OK.  Still, Snow is leaving.  She spoke about how she spent thirteen years at Glendale.  The library is in her blood for sure.  She later emailed us a picture of her from the archives of the library that has her sitting in the children's room with her mother.  She didn't know that they took that picture, let alone that they had stored it in the archives.  But she was going through those archives for some project and found herself in the pictures.  The library is in her blood.  And now, because of these assholes in charge she has to leave it.  It's not right.  But it is what it is.

Wednesday, August 28, School just barely started at the start of the week and already I'm tired of my cousin's kids showing up super early.  Today it was just past 7am when my family showed up.  I mean come in, enough with this shit.

I had to stop at the drug store to buy a couple of things this morning.  When I came out my car wouldn't start.  It made that distinctive clicking sound that a starter makes when there's not enough juice from the battery.  I tried it again, but nothing.  I knew that I had to act fast in order to get on my way to work.  I called the Auto Club and within a few minutes the repairman was in front of my car testing the battery.  Sure enough, the battery was dead.  I asked him if he had a replacement with him and thankfully he did.  He put the new one in, and in less than a half an hour from me calling I was on my way to work.  I was still early.

TheGirl wanted to go to dinner to the Italian restaurant that has not served me a good meal in I don't know how long.  Certainly not in recent history.  We were just there two weeks ago, but she still wanted to go there.  I was OK with that, I went online to check their menu for something simple and small.  Well, unlucky me the item I wanted was only on the lunch menu.  Fuck this shit.  I ordered an alternative and when it came out it was perfectly awful.  I took it home, but I didn't eat it.  I tossed it.

But it doesn't matter, because of the company.  The wine was flowing, the music was bumping, and we were having a good time.  So I didn't really care that the food was meh.  The wine was yummy, for sure.  When we got back to TheGirl's place I had to sober up a bit, and also play with Cheyenne.  We roughhoused and at one point I was hugging Cheyenne and TheGirl says to me, "Do you think she'll miss us when she's gone?"  Well, I absolutely burst into tears right there and then.  I could just not contain myself at all.  All the fears that I've had over Cheyenne's possible cancer diagnosis just came out at that moment, and I couldn't help but cry.  I didn't want to answer that question.  I know some day Cheyenne may die before I do.  Assuming natural aging she's certainly not going to live for another ten years or more.  But still, I don't want to think about that day.  I just want to enjoy the time we have.  Even now, as I think about that moment I can't help but burst into tears.

Friday, August 30, TheGirl texted me the good news about Cheyenne's biopsy results.  Thankfully the lumps Cheyenne has on her ears are an infection, and not cancer.  Boy, if she gave me the cancer news I would be devastated.  Still, this is no excuse to just not count every moment I have with Cheyenne as special.  She's a special dog, that's for sure.

With the specter of Cheyenne's health lifted I went ahead and bought some photos of her and TheGirl, as well as TheGirl and Chan, for TheGirl's birthday gift.  It's coming up sooner than later (just over a week).  I hope she likes them.  I hope the photo tiles come out looking good.  I think I may buy more in the future if these look good.

AD sent out her silly weekly email of death today.  AD mentioned the new room reservation system, which is supposed to go live on Wednesday of next week.  She asked us to "Play with it," so Bastardo here did.  Within minutes one of the librarians and myself found many flaws in the system.  One, being that I couldn't cancel or edit the reservations I made.  Two, that I couldn't reserve the room for more than one hour at a time.  The librarian quickly called AD, who said she would look into the problem.  Look into the problem, literally days away from launching this thing.  If it goes live on Wednesday that means they gave themselves ONE DAY to have us work out the bugs.  Come on, dopes.  I come to talk to TheLooker about this, and she shows me email after email after email where she has tracked down these and other problems with the reservation system.  I tell her, "Isn't something like this supposed to work out of the box?  Why are we having to modify so many items, so many fundamental items like being able to delete you own reservation if you change your mind."  She went on to tell me that she has been trying to fix many of the problems by pointing them out to dopes.  They have fixed some of the issues, but there are still a lot of mistakes to be fixed.  No way they work out all the glitches by Wednesday.

Speaking of TheLooker, she's nice to talk to.  I'm a bloated mess of a man these days, to be sure.  But talking to her makes me feel better.  Talking to her is a real pleasure.  She's going to be gone for a month on vacation.  I'm certainly going to miss her.

Saturday, August 31, I was asked earlier in the week to cover a shift today for Becks.  She couldn't work today because of a previous commitment.  I was happy to step in.  There was this whole thing about what times I would be working.  The office manager, who is a loon, told me first that I would be working 10am to 2pm.  Then she said it was 10am to 5pm.  Where did that extra time come in?  She told me that she wanted me to cover the circulation desk for the last two hours, because they had a gap in the schedule.  But, the circulation "gap" had already been filled by the circulation manager.  This meant I could leave at 2pm and perhaps escape to Disneyland for the first time in a LONG time.  Then my new pretty coworker showed up at just past 1pm and told me she was on the deak.  I bolted out, because my plan was to head down to Disneyland today.

I haven't been to Disneyland in a few months, so it was a surprise to see where the trams are loaded.  Thankfully it's out of the sun.

As I approached the main gates I was surprised that the lines weren't twenty deep.  I could get used to this.

I don't remember the last time I was in the park.  It's been too long, that's for sure.

After so many months I FINALLY made it to "Galaxy's Edge."  I have to say, the theming is on point, for the most part.  I do love this place though.

I found my way to the single rider line, and within thirty minutes I was inside the ride corridor.

I never thought that I would get on the new ride so fast, but here I am on the new ride in less than an hour.  It might even be less than an half hour.

I was hungry when I arrived at the park, but I jumped into the ride first and figured I would get food after.  I knew what I wanted, from checking on the stuff online.  The above is called a "Ronto Wrap."  I topped it off with a little drink called a "Tatooine Sunset."  Both were pretty good.  I loved the drink, it was quite yummy.

As I was leaving (early, I might add) I saw a cute girl taking a selfie in front of the castle.  Just as I was passing her I looked at her face and she happen to be Asian.  I thought to myself that come next week I'll get to be the lucky guy standing next to the pretty Asian girl, aka Emma.  If only she was the girl I was sleeping with, then standing next to her would mean something.  I mean, it will be nice, because Emma is cute.

The headline for this month is appropriately entitled "Obstacles to Achieving a Goal."  I should have said any and all goals, because the last day of the month encapsulated that headline in spades.  While I was taking a bite out of the "Rondo wrap" my phone rang, it was my aunt calling.  What the fuck, I thought.  Why the hell is she calling me?  Turns out that she used me leaving for work to have a chance to bolt to the market.  Despite the fact that I told her we would go on Sunday.  At that point she was standing on Ventura blvd., exhausted from the heat, wanting to know what time I was getting off work.  Even if I was still at work I wouldn't be getting off at 5pm, and it was barely 4pm when she called.  She then went to some chicken fast food joint up the street and called me again from there.  That's when I finally called her back and told her I was about an hour away from picking her up.  I wanted to fucking choke her, because she cut my Disneyland time short.  All because she couldn't wait to go to the fucking market.  So I barely had time to ride the attraction and have something to eat before I had to bolt home.  Fuck this shit!

I feel so down right now that so many outside forces contributed to try and ruin my day.  Yes, they beat me up pretty good today.  Emotionally I just want to crawl into a hole.  What should have been a nice little exploration of Disneyland's new land turned out to be an abbreviated trip.  But at least I went.  At least I didn't find an excuse to not go.  At least I experienced the new land.  Yes, my aunt acted like a wrench in my plans to stay longer, but she'll get hers.

On my angry drive home I thought of many changes that need to be made from this point forward.  Number one, stop being a dope.

TheGirl is in San Francisco.  I told her about a place called "Land's End," and she and her daughter thought it was a great idea to go there.  That's what you get when you do some research.