As I always say, this month went by fast.  May had a lot of changes, and of course I tried to record them here.  On to the update.

Wed May 1, Emma texted me last night after I went to bed to say that we should hang out soon.  I'm torn, because I REALLY want to hang out with her so much, but I'm also a tired monkey and look forward to just chilling at home.  I have to fight my lazy tendencies in order to hang out with Emma.  We last hung out about two years ago, just before she started her now "defunct" relationship.  I need to drink quite a bit of liquid courage in order to put a move on her.  And of course responsible dumb dumb here still has this thought in the back of my head that it's really soon after her break up to make such a move on her.  It feels like it's unfair to her in some way.  But, I guess I'll just play it by ear.  Knowing me I'll not make a move and she will get away again.

I haven't thought about it that much lately, but for some reason today I had this horrible remembrance that I'm going to die some day.  I don't want to not exist.  I just can't wrap my mind around not existing.

Tonight's dinner with TheGirl was good times.  But when isn't it?  Puppy was quite tired after playing tonight.

Thu May 2, I've now trained four people to do my job.  Today was the most whatever training I have done yet.  The person who I trained seems like a good guy, but he's going to be the backup driver, not the main driver.  That guy shows up on Tuesday.  Today's trainee was a coworkers brother.  He's a good guy, and we didn't have any trouble on the route.  We also didn't talk much, which is alright by me.

The fries above are from lunch.  They were pretty good, but they also served as a giant sleeping pill to my body.  I didn't finish them.

A couple of weeks ago I was asked if I could once again don the elephant costume.  I said yes, but that they needed to look for someone else as well.  Yeah, well, they didn't look for anyone else.  Sucker me was their only option.  I arrived early for the "performance" with my trainee in tow.  I was so tired from having a big lunch that I felt sleepy.  I proceeded to take a nice little nap before my performance.  The costume smelled of the pervious dope that they had in it.  It was bad enough that I wanted to vomit.  Thankfully they had a peppermint spray that covered up the bad smell.  Oh I doused the head piece of that costume with that peppermint spray in order to kill the odor.  Without that spray I felt I was going to throw up for sure.  Thankfully I didn't throw up.  Of course I sweated like a pig while I was in the costume.  Just like last time I did this, the sweat got into my eyes.  It was so hard to see with the sweat pouring into my eyes.  But, ever the "performer," I stuck it out and finished my "performance."  I sure hope this is the last time I'll have to do this.

Fri May 3, I arrived to Montrose early and took a few pictures that I was asked to of the community room.  Just as I was going to heat up my lunch Emma sent me a text to say she was nearly at the library.  I should have just said I was on my way out, or out of there already.  Instead I waited for her to show, because I wanted to see her.  When she arrived with her coworker she mentioned a couple of guys that visit the library, and my heart sank.  I don't have much of a chance with her, as it is.  But having her like some random guy that comes into the library makes my chances all the worse.  But, I still have to try.  I still have to attempt some move on her.  I like her.

And then there's TheRose, which I REALLY have zero chance with.  I think there was a time a couple of years ago where she liked me in a girl crush sort of way.  She's more mature now, and has grown out of that crush thing.  She's also grown up to be a gorgeous lady.

I was walking by the Cerberus sorting machine this morning when for kicks I took a book that was in the "holds" bin and put it back on the belt.  The machine should have put the book in the same bin, but it didn't.  It "thought" about it for a moment and the belts moved the book into the miscellaneous bin at the end of the line.  The machine SHOULD have sent the book to the same bin I took it from, but it didn't.  Fail.

My cousin relayed a message from the home where my Godmother is living.  They want to move her to hospice care.  She's ninety-six years old, and she has a hernia on her abdomen.  She's also been eating less and less and losing weight as a consequence.  Tonight the home called me to confirm that I'm OK with moving her up to hospice care.  She would be in the same facility, but she would have different care.  The poor thing is nearing the end of her life.  Granted, I thought she was a goner a couple of years ago when she fell and it was discovered that she had a fracture on her hip bone.  I'm not sitting here saying she's going to live many years, but I can't count her out just yet.  Yes, she's not well.  It's a shame.

Sat May 4, TheGirl mentioned that she and her daughter wanted to go down to Downtown Disney to have some fun and have some drinks.  I was certainly down for that.  I had my flask, so I was already primed when we arrived for some day drinking.  We tried to go to Trader Sams, but that place is ALWAYS packed.  We ended up having our first drink around the corner of Trader Sams.  They did a renovation and added an outdoor bar.  I ordered something they call a "Zambezi Sour."  It was yummy.  I really wish I could do more day drinking.

TheGirl's daughter wanted to try the new burger joint, but of course there were over forty people waiting in line to get some food.  Plan B was to go to Earl of Sandwich.  I try to vary what I have to eat in order to try new things.  I don't think I'm that close to eating every sandwich, but I have tried a good deal of the sandwiches.  I don't think I've had a bad sandwich.  This time I had the French Dip with au jus.  It hit the spot.  The potato wedges were just meh though.  The best side is the mac and cheese and the potato salad.  I'm not a big fan of the wedges and the cole slaw.

When we finally got back to TheGirl's place Cheyenne was super excited to see all of us.  It's a shame that we can't take her with us on these little side trips.  Playing with Cheyenne is one of the best things in life right now.

I've been preoccupied by thoughts of my death and what that means.  Not existing is a concept that is so abstract that I can't wrap my mind around the idea.  For the first time since this thought worm has gotten into my mind I actually felt a feeling of dread over the whole idea.  I'm getting too worked up about this.

Tue May 7, These dopes at Central have installed a new "copy" machine.  They claim that the other one in the "business center" is always busy.  Mind you, there's a patron that scans whole books and monopolizes the scanner/copier for hours.  They always talk about throwing him out, but they never do.  At least someone is using that shitty machine.  The best thing is that the "copy" machine won't have an accompanying printer.  So someone making a copy has to still walk to the "business center" room to pick up their prints.  Dumb.

Today I was tasked with showing the new delivery driver the ropes.  He seems like a good guy, but I'm not sure that this gig is what he thought it would be.  I showed up at 8am, as I always do, and I didn't see him.  I figured he must be late or something.  I went about getting the van ready.  While driving back to the spot where I load up the van I saw a figure in the window of the library.  I didn't recognize him, but intuition told me this was the new guy.  Turns out no one told him where he needed to meet me.  No worries, he wasn't technically late since he was upstairs looking for me.  Thanks for nothing, Kvon.

I showed him the route, and introduced him to everyone I could find.  He's a quiet guy, to say the least.  When it came to the last two guys I showed the route to I was quiet as well.  For some reason I felt the need to chat this guy up a lot.  Probably too much, now that I think about it.  Honestly, after the day was over I felt that he might not last too long.  I even asked a couple of people before leaving and they thought the same thing.  Time will tell.

Wed May 8, I'm so tired of all the BS at my jobs.  I think I should take a "vow" of silence and not talk to anyone any more.  It's going to be almost impossible, since I do like talking.  But I HAVE to do it.  I honestly just want to disappear there.

I say this because my old supervisor asked to talk to me.  He mentioned how he had heard that another coworker had complained about one of the pages/clerk.  I was there, and did chime in, as my coworker mentioned that every Wednesday the backdrop books are not checked in.  He turns to me and explains that this particular clerk was "busy."  Too busy to check in the books.  Then he turns to me and says, "You know, I just want you to know that Chris is a nice guy."  I thought to myself, "What the actual fuck."  I told him, "I have no beef with Chris," which is technically true since I don't work with him.  I went on to say, "All I can go by are those that do work with him."

This is yet another stupid moment at work.

TheGirl wanted to have Mexican food, so we went out to dinner without Cheyenne.  Poor thing was SUPER worked up when we arrived back at TheGirl's place.  Just as we were going back to TheGirl's place she mentions, "You are Cheyenne's love of her life.  She loves me, because I feed her.  You she adores."  Awww.  I love and adore that puppy so much.

Thu May 9, I have an appointment with a social worker at the home where my Godmother is living tomorrow.  She needs to be placed under hospice care, because she's nearing the end of her life.  She last lost a lot of weight and is just generally slowing down.  As per usual I have to make the tough decisions when it comes to my Godmother's care.  I didn't tell my aunt about this, because she won't help me make the right decision.  She'll just ask a million questions that have nothing to do with anything.

The latest fail move from these dopes is taking away one of the computers at the slaughter desk in favor of a self checkout machine.  Because the self checkout machines are SO very popular that there is a need for another one.  (/sarcasm) Leech already told me at the end of my shift that not having that third computer makes the line grow big time.  Because, of course, they still have THREE people on the desk, but only TWO computers.  As the email mentions, they have tablet computers ready to be used by dopey "roaming" assholes, but that they aren't ready yet.  Why are they taking that third computer away when they don't have a good alternative for that third person on the desk?  Classic cart before the horse move.  Classic.  Given the fact that I'll soon be having to work that stupid desk I really hate the fact that they continually make it THAT much harder to work that stupid desk properly.  These dopes continue to amaze me with their ability to make the absolute wrong move EVERY DAMN TIME.

Fri May 10, The fails at the library keep coming.  Some big, some small.  Here is a small one... a display of the bookmark contest winners in a glass cabinet.  But of course knowing this place, the bookmarks are already falling.  In the photo above you can see that there are three bookmarks leaning and just falling down.  I told the "marketing team" YESTERDAY that this was happening.  Of course it would have taken them two seconds to fix this.  But then again, why bother?

I had a series of calls with the home where my Godmother is living this past week about a meeting that they wanted me to have about her care.  She's not well, and she's only going to get worse until she passes away.  No timetable on that.  The meeting today was about her final care.  They asked to put her in hospice care, and I agreed.  I took the meeting during my "lunch break." today.  I rushed up to Montrose and Chevy and then went to Pasadena to get some books from the book store there.  Just as I was picking up the books at the store my alarm went off.  I set it for 12:15pm.  Which I thought would give me plenty of time to get to the appointment.  It did.  I arrived early, but I still had to wait since the home was having a nice lunch in their patio for the employees.  This is why I have the picture of the TV room above.  They sent me there to wait.  These decisions aren't easy, but they need to be made.  I have not told my aunt about this, because she always worries about the wrong thing.  I don't need that with all the other things I have to deal with.  Some old memories came up as I talked to the social worker and the nurses about my Godmother's care.  Memories of her sister, my Grandmother, and of my parents.  I've gone through this death thing so many times before.  It's not any easier.

Misa offered me her ticket to the Dodger game tonight.  I would rather not go.  But I did have a thought of maybe going since the new cute girl said she would be going to the game.  I didn't get a chance to chat her up, due to me arriving at Grandview later than usual, because of the meeting.  Oh well, I rather just go home anyway. Next week the new guy and I are going on the Pasadena run together, so he can learn those ropes.  I don't have much hope, but perhaps he will get into the grove.

Sat May 11, Last night was the city's baseball night.  I don't remember if the city pays for the tickets, but every dope keeps asking, "You going to the Dodger game?" for weeks before.  I would go, if the seats weren't nosebleed seats.  I rather pick a different night to go on my own.  But, many people go.  I noticed this year, at least in the few pictures I found online, that it was nearly all ladies that went.  I know a few guys from the library probably went, but since I didn't ask anyone I don't know.  I do work with some nice looking women.

Thanks to my coworker posting a picture and tagging the new cute girl I found my way to her social media.  Sure enough, she's attached.  Quite attached, it would appear.  Still, she's nice.  But really I need to not spend too much energy chatting her up.  What's the use?

Sun May 12, There are a few days a year in which it's assured that the library is going to be empty or near empty.  Easter, the Super Bowl, and of course Mother's day are the top hits.  It was no different today, it was not busy at the library at all.  Yes, there were people studying, but we didn't have many questions.  I take the maker.

Mala sent out an email today, a SUNDAY, with tomorrow's schedule for the slaughter desk.  At the bottom of the email Mala hid an important change in what the desk crew has to do (shown above).  In taking one of the three computers on the desk they have neutered that desk.  What I love are the labels they assign to everything at this stupid place.  I've walked about how everything has the suffix of the word "space" everywhere.  This might be their best naming of something yet.  They call what used to be the third desk, the awesome title of "Self Service/North Zone Lead."  It might be the most asinine label for any position ever.  I like the misnomer word "lead," to denote something that ISN'T a demotion.  But make no mistake, being the third dummy on that desk means having to do everything, while the other dummies sit around.  It means having to do all that and stick a broom up your ass so you can sweep up as you go along.  Oh, did I mention this is another fail.

The move of taking out that third computer off of the slaughter desk will only hasten the demise of said desk.  Because ultimately the administration wants a totally automated library that is cold and heartless.  Where your questions are coldly answered by a computer.  Where there is no wiggle room for the intuition of a human being.  You need not have a complicated question, because it won't be answered.  it will be processed and stored in a database for a later date when some poor sap will break it down so that an A.I. can learn to mimic the cognitive functions of our brains.

Mon May 13, Visited TheGirl and Cheyenne tonight after work.  I stayed at work until late printing up some things for Wednesday.  Tonight the Foundation board meets and might decide to revive the formally annual fundraising gala that we haven't done in a couple of years.  Here's where the fun begins.

Tue May 14, Today was day two of showing the new guy the ropes.  I'm not too invested in this thing because, well, because I'm not sure he's going to stick around too long.

Because I went with the new guy to Pasadena I got to run into TheBetter, as I'm now calling the Pasadena page.  Not that I have much of a future other than wanting to talk to her and having her ignore me.  The picture above was not from today.  She still looked really nice.  I tried to talk to her, but I got nothing but silence.  I went on her social media and saw a picture of a screen cap from her attending some TV show taping.  I mention this because on the tweet she mentioned her "partner" running off to get the car shortly after the camera panned over their location.  Not sure this new thing of calling a boyfriend or a girlfriend their partner.  Sounds so... something.  Whatever.

When I arrived at Brand today there was a new lady sitting next to Misa.  She looked pretty nice.  For sure she has some curves on her.  When she turned around to help a patron I happen to be turning to take the cart out of the office.  I caught a nice glimpse of her body.  Curves, confirmed.  I didn't want to stare or linger, but I saw.  I'm a dog, I know.  I later texted Misa to get some information on her.  She didn't know anything.  Typical Misa.

I was asked by the marketing team to pick up some bookmarks at a local print shop, but not until after 4pm.  It was a rush job, but they wouldn't be ready until then.  I told the new guy and she asked me, "I don't have to go with you, do I?"  "No, you don't," I told him.  He said he couldn't go because he was going to walk someone's dog at 4pm.  Mentioned how it was his other gig.  OK, that's fine, "You gotta do what you gotta do," I said to him.  He went on his merry way after the route was done, and I stuck around waiting for the right time to drive over to the print shop.  It was just down the street, and wouldn't take but a few minutes to drive over there.  Sure enough, I picked up the bookmarks, which were replacements for one of the ones already printed out.  There was a spelling mistake, and no one caught it until last night.

The consequences of taking out the third computer on the slaughter desk are of course, immediate.  My coworkers that work that horrible desk have already told me that it's a fucking disaster.  One of them texted me the above, where he says how four of my coworkers are trying to help four people using only two computers.  I love how the administration dopes NEVER know this stuff.  They need to be told.  But of course their response will be to shuffle their feet and not get anything done anyway.  They claimed to have a tablet computer nearly ready to have the check out program running.  But I'm not sure what they need to do after installing the damn thing.  Shouldn't it just work out of the box?  It does when you install it on a regular desktop.  This tablet is supposed to basically be a desktop computer.  So, what's the hold up?  The administration has taken one third of the computers out of the desk, but replaced it with nothing that helped.  The self checkout machines hardly work, and most people DON'T WANT TO USE THEM.  I don't know why they can't get that through their thick heads.  Fuck these idiots.

Wed May 15, T is almost due to give birth.  Because of that the bosses at the library decided to throw her a mini baby shower today.  Pseudo supervisor had me create a poster so that we could sign it and give it to T for the shower.  It was kinda a last minute thing, seeing as I don't care about much these days I did the best I could under the circumstances.  While setting up the guy from the recreation department wondered where the food was.  Pseudo supervisor would reply to people that asked telling them how much the cost was for T's vegan cake.  She seemed annoyed by the question when asked.  We only had a little amount of time to do the shower.  It wasn't a lunch, to be fair.

LaFlor came in early to help with the decorations for the baby shower.  Because of that she wore her "civilian" clothes, which consisted of a nice top and skirt.  Anytime she has worn skirts it's a fucking awesome thing.  She looked amazing today.  The photo above doesn't do her justice.  I nearly fainted.  I think I might have an "in" with her thanks to me helping her out on Monday.  I forgot to mention that before I left Monday I had to print out the card for T's shower today.  I stayed late and as I passed by the circulation desk I noticed she was alone, and juggling phones and patrons.  I threw in with her and helped dispatch a couple of patrons.  She thanked me and said she owed me a tea.  Then she mentioned tacos instead, but thought about the idea of how tacos don't travel well.  We then started talking about good tacos in town, and I mentioned one I went with Vagabundo near downtown.  I want to tell her that she should take me there.  More on that in the future. s

As is the story these days on Wednesdays, TheGirl and I had a good dinner.  We went to get Italian at this one place that is hit and miss with their food.  Tonight it was mostly a miss.  But, the wine hit the spot, and the company is always good.  Cheyenne had a lot of energy to play tonight.  We were both pooped at the end of the night. s

I felt extremely sleepy all day.  I can usually shake off that sleepy feeling after a while, but today I just could not shake it.  It was a struggle, to say the least.  I don't know why I felt so down today.  I feel like this is the new normal.

Thu May 16, It's the middle of May and it rained today.  I'm quite happy with the weather lately.  If only it would last into the summer.  Thankfully it didn't rain the entire day.  In the morning I wasn't drenched, but I was pretty wet.  It subsided and let me do my job.

I ran into the backup driver today.  We started talking about work and after I mentioned that stupid desk having one less computer he turns to me and says, "That was so stupid."  He went on to say, "Those in administration have never worked a desk in their life... otherwise they would know their theories don't work."  Nice slam.  It was almost like listening to myself talk about that desk.  It's great that in about two weeks time the new guy already knows the horrors of that slaughter desk.

The new lady at Brand has a nice body, from what I could see the last time I was there on Tuesday.  She seemed to have a really nice behind.  And big as well.  Sure enough, she wore a pair of pants today that revealed that she does have a big behind, and it is kinda nice.  At least I think so.  I guess we shall see in time if she's a nice person as well.  Just first impression is that she seems "nice."  Which means nothing, of course.

I found out through that new girl's social media that she's attached.  By the way, I had a nickname for her that I might as well just use here despite there being zero chance that she'll hang out with me.  I named her, "TheNewCute," because, duh, she's cute.  I'm sure she's not interested, but her flirty nature does throw me off.  Whenever I show up to a branch, like today at Adams, the other ladies quiet down and hardly talk to me.  They let me talk to TheNewCute almost exclusively.  Today she gave me this flirty look that I've seen her do before.  And just before leaving she twirled around from facing me to turning her body and then looking back at me while her cute behind was seemingly wiggling in my face.  It was nothing but torture, and I'm sure I'm reading SO much into what is probably an innocent and not a signaling move on her part.  I feel that a big part of me WANTS it to be real, because it just feels nice to like someone and have someone like you.  It's been a while.  And having such a nice and attractive lady shine some attention towards me makes me feel really nice inside.  So sue me for wanting it to be more than just natural.  That being said, I don't think it's anything but natural and innocent.  She's just being nice to me.

Fri May 17, Emma was looking really nice today.  I should really just give up on her though.  It's unfair.  I know how things would probably go with her.  It would be nice at first, and slowly I would want to just retreat and not go out.  And she's full of energy, and wants to go out.  Case in point, the Dodger game next week.  She's invited me, but it's on a Friday.  Fridays I'm fucking dead tired.  I don't want to go anywhere after work.  I'm dreading my buddy's rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.  On the other hand, I do want to try to make a pass at Emma.  If only this wasn't so hard to do under the circumstances.

Since there are a couple of ladies I'm trying to figure out lately, I have been trying to read their eyes.  In walks in this new woman at Brand, who is attractive.  She's also completely not interested in me.  I can see it.  I don't see it in her eyes.  OK, well, that was easy.

Really I shouldn't even think about this stuff.  I have so many other things I can focus my energy on these days.  And those things don't have to be people.  As a matter of fact, I prefer it not to be people.

The office manager and I were talking this morning about stuff such as the new guy, the driver, and how I would hope they're paying him enough to do this job.  Because the library doesn't have a good history of paying these dopes enough.  The office manager looks through his file and and looks up his schooling and says, "Oh, they're paying hime $13 an hour."  He then closes the file and says, "Pretend you didn't hear that... that was a serious laps in judgement."  See, a few moments before I was advocating for the expressed knowledge of everyone knowing each other's salary.  Because then the new guy could go and fight for more money if he found out that I'm doing the same job for nearly $7 more an hour.  He is making 2/3rds of what I'm making, and that's not fair.  Sure, I don't think he should be making what I'm making.  I put the time in to get to this point.  But the job ain't easy, and he should be making at least $16 an hour to start.

Sat May 18, I haven't been to Disneyland in a while.  I told myself there was no way I wasn't going to go this morning.  And yes, I woke up early and drove down there early in the morning.  Well, I should have just stayed home instead.  I pulled up and decided not to take the bridge up to the parking structure, thinking I knew better.  Well, the way to the structure was blocked off and I was directed to another parking lot.  I just wait, Oh fuck this," and made my way away from the resort.  I honestly should have just waited it out, but I was furious at that point.  I didn't think logically.  But in a way I knew that that many cars meant even more people in the park.  I can never ever come to the park on a weekend ever again.  There's no way.  I have this plan to take some Wednesday mornings off and go down there.  I might also take another day of the week off and come down here before my pass expires.  Tuesday would be best.  We shall see.  For today, this trip was a total bust.

I ended up driving over to Knott's berry farm.  But I was so early that I none of the stores in the marketplace were open.  All I wanted to do is go use the restroom.  I waited around, and even though it was 9am the store with the bathroom was still closed.  I figured why wait around, and went back to the car and drove away.  On my way to Knott's I noticed that kitty corner to Knott's was an old Home Savings bank building.  A project I want to work on is photographing the old buildings, which are now owned by another bank.  So, I went around Knott's and parked at the bank and took a few pictures.  It was done, but at the same time I was just going through the motions.  Honestly, I should have been having a corn dog at Disneyland instead of taking pictures of a bank building.  Boy, I need a drink.

I returned home after a long drive home.  I was tired and I noticed on the way home that I had a tickle in my throat.  Fuck me, I thought, I'm getting sick.  Truly ain't cool.  I went to bed to just rest after having lunch.  Lunch hit the spot, for sure.  But as I write this right now I'm really feeling that I'm not feeling well.  Fuck me!

My aunt went to visit my other aunt in hospice.  A few weeks ago my cousin informed us that her mom was not well and was in the hospital.  Well, the doctors determined she needed constant care and instead of going home upon release she was sent to a hospice care facility.  My aunt went with my cousin today to visit her.  She's not well.  She's apparently suffering from dementia.  Not good.  My cousin told my aunt that she would like it if my other aunt would move in with us so my aunt could take care of her.  I told her there's no way.  My cousin's mom needs constant care now.  I hope I don't end up like that.

Tue May 21, I received a phone call from Mala last night where she asked me to go this morning to the hardware store to buy some sand.  I went first thing this morning with the driver who showed me the route so many years ago.  We picked up fourteen fifty-pound bags for the bases of some giant umbrellas.  When we got back to Central we then started to put some of the sand into the bases.  I had to get back to the route, but I helped out a bit because the other driver didn't quite help my mentor from the route.  Oh well.  Not my problem.  I did my part getting the sand.

I wondered since last week if the new guy would be driving with me this week.  I got my answer today... nope.  He really needs to get the route down, but these dopes don't care about that.  Mala mentioned that she called the new guy last night, like she did with me, to tell him that she wanted him to come in today to help with the umbrella project.  He didn't return her call.  Bad.  Just bad.

When I got back from the route I could see that the new umbrellas were up.  I wonder how quickly these things are going to be destroyed.  I give them three weeks.

Wed May 22, Mala emailed me today to ask if I could show the new guy the ropes one more time before they let him out on his own.  They wanted me to drive with him next Tuesday, but I had already told Kvon that I was going to do harassment training that day, and would not be available.  But Mala doesn't know that, of course.  I emailed her back and I'll be showing him the ropes one last time on Friday.  Then next week he's on his own on Tuesdays.  I texted Vagabundo about Tuesdays and he rightfully mentioned that giving up Tuesdays is better than giving up Fridays on the route, which what Kvon was talking about.  This way I can still do my thing on Fridays.  Good.  I rather not be on the desk on any Fridays there.  Fridays are notorious for people calling out.  Now they can deal with it while I'm free on the route.

I emailed Mala about the scheduling details.  I wanted to know what my new schedule would be, and she said that tentatively she wants me to work 8:45am to 4pm on Tuesdays.  That fits well, since I can fly out of there and make it home at a reasonable hour.  And I don't lose too much on potential work hours.  It's basically my current schedule.

A few weeks ago TheGirl mentioned that she was going up to San Francisco with her daughter later in the year.  I forget the timing.  I've been going to Carmel for Thanksgiving the last few years.  Like clockwork.  I think it's time for a chance now.  I've wanted to go to SF for a while, but I think the time is now.  I'm falling apart, and not getting any younger.  In the tradition of "I'm going to be dead some day" I booked a room today for Thanksgiving weekend.  There are a lot of things to work out, of course.  How I'm going to pay for this is the biggest question.  I have some money saved for this, but I want to get on the ball and start putting more away for this trip.

TheGirl was worried that it would be raining tonight while at dinner.  But, the weather cleared up before it was dinner time.  Still, we ended up going to a place where the patio was covered.  It was OK.  But the booze was good.  Of course after dinner Cheyenne and I roughhoused.  Always good times.

I drank after getting home with dinner with TheGirl.  It was close to midnight, and I was watching some boxing online and trying to figure out what I might do on my trip to San Francisco, when Ilsa mentioned something about a TV show where some poor saps that weight nearly a ton are blaming their huge weight on being neglected or some other reasons.  I told her how my mother may not have wanted to be married and have a child, but she NEVER let on that it wasn't her ideal life.  THAT got me thinking of my mother and how even all these years later, over twenty-one to be exact, her death still hurts.  I still miss her, and I will until I'm no longer alive.  I thought about how I'm close to the age that she will be gone for half of my life.  She passed away when I was twenty-six years old, and if you do the math, that would mean I would have to be fifty-two to have her be gone for half my life.

Thu May 23, I added TheNewCute on social media.  Today she liked one of my photos (above).  Nice!  If only I had an actual chance with her.

I went up to administration to pick up the mail and such when I ran into the marketing guy.  We started chatting and he says to me, "I heard that," new guy, "Quit."  I was like, "WHAT?!"  I gave the guy three weeks, but I didn't honestly think he would just quit just like that.  Then the marketing guy says, that's what I heard.  I guess I'll know for sure tomorrow since I'm scheduled to show him the ropes one last time before he takes over next week on Tuesdays.

On a side note, the marketing dopes made yet ANOTHER mistake on an order.  Last week I picked up 9,000 "bingo" cards that were for the upcoming Summer reading program.  So of course now they are having to scramble and reorder the cards.  But come on, 9,000 cards!  I have no idea why they thought that they needed so many cards to begin with.  The numbers don't add up.  In a city of this size I can't imagine that they would need HALF that amount to distribute.  It's not like EVERY fucking residence in the city is going to have someone go to the library and participate in this shit.  That's one thing.  But once again to fucking blow it on the proof reading just makes you wonder just how incompetent these dopes are.  You would think that they would double and triple check this shit before sending out an order for 9,000 units of anything.  But no, it's not their money that's being wasted.  It's not their time being wasted, this is bordering on negligence.

I found out from one of the librarians that the guy that just started a month ago might be leaving soon for the Sheriff's department.  He was apparently accepted to the academy.  That's not just a job, it's a career.  You think he's going to stick around the stupid library?  No fucking way.  Love that these idiots can't hire anyone that isn't going to be walking out on them in less than five minutes.  See, the formula sucks.  They don't want to pay anyone good to stay, so anyone good is going to leave for a better job.  Except dumb dumb here.  I've been looking, of course, but nothing's really come up.  But these people are young, and they are looking much harder than I am for a job.  In short, this guy is going to be gone soon.  Probably by the end of the year.

After coming home I drank quite a bit last night.  But I've been "good" this week.  I like feeling tipsy, but I think that drinking for drinking's sake is not a good idea to continue.  I told myself I needed to slow down and only drink once or twice a week.  Tops.  So far so good.  And I don't miss it.  It's a feeling I like, but I don't like the aftereffects.

Fri May 24, I arrived at work on time, as I usually do, before 8am.  I figured the new guy would be there on time.  The time turned to 8:05am and he still wasn't there.  It was then 8:10am and still nothing.  I was told to show him the ropes today as if he were going at it alone.  So I planned on letting him do everything.  I know, fun times, right?

It was now 8:15am and STILL no signs of him.  I was starting to think the rumors of him quitting were true.  I figured we'd start whenever.  He finally showed up at 8:18am.  THIS is not OK in my book.  I was there ten minutes before 8am, and I waited nearly half an hour for him to arrive.  Not good.  But, if those are his ways what can I do?  I'm not a supervisor, I can't reprimand him.  He's the library's problem now.

I exchanged emails with Mala about my move to the desk on Tuesdays.  She wants me to cover phones or be something they dubbed "North Zone lead," whatever the fuck that means.  Someone told me that it means being the stupid roamer.  Just "great!"  I haven't been on that desk for about two and a half years now.  I'm not the same dope that I was before.  I just don't give a fuck nowadays.

The library's social media posted the above photo of these saps from work with some other sap from some social media site.  I do love how staged this thing was.  As my buddy and I have said, these idiots continue to bet on this losing horse I call the mockery space.  It's a clusterfuck, but instead of saying that they "tried" and failed, they're going to double down on it.  Which means even more fail.  Because they don't know how to fix it, because they don't understand that it's fundamentally broken.  There is no saving this stupid room that was D.O.A. on arrival.  For as much as they spent on this stupid project they actually did it on the cheap.  Where they cheaped out was in employing someone that knew what they were doing.  Instead they tried to get college kids to do it for free.  Failing that they turned to the library employees.  Yeah, fuck that.  Now here they are, putting more resources into this fucking thing while they claim budget crisis.  Fuck these dopes.

Sun May 26, Emma texted me about some random things last night, and then dropped the knowledge that she went on a date with a guy.  He told me that he didn't make a pass at her, aka didn't try to kiss her.  Yeah, I know that move all too well.  The good thing is that her news didn't give that sinking feeling that I've had in the past.

I figured that the library would be pretty chill today, but I was wrong.  It was nearly packed with students looking to study before finals.  ARGH!  Can't these people just stay home and study?  I remember I hardly got any studying done at the library.  Then again, I didn't do much studying period.

They hired two new library assistants at San Marino.  One is someone that was an intern last year.  She was nice.  I have no idea who the other person is.  I went online and searched her name, but couldn't find anything solid on her.  She might be OK, for all I know.  I think it might be a good idea to start asking these dopes to maybe move me off of Sundays.  Perhaps I can get them to move me off Sundays by saying that I'm REALLY going to be busy with the end of the year fundraiser.  I'm sure that will move them to possibly get off Sundays.

Mon May 27, Last night I was planning what I was going to do after I got out of that stupid harassment training tomorrow.  I figured I could drive down to Disneyland and have a good time.  Wrong!  Well, I should have told these dopes that I was unavailable after training, because I just checked and it looks like they schedule me to be on the desk from 1pm to 4pm.  Fuck me!

Tue May 28, I had harassment training today, but I parked the car at the structure across the street from the library.  When I drove up I immediately noticed that one of the three umbrellas was gone.  I wasn't going to work in the morning, but I had to cross the street and check out where the umbrella used to be.  Sure enough, the whole thing was gone, except for the sand bags.  Well, that didn't take long.  Later a coworker mentioned that he was at the library on Sunday to do the backdrop, and on Sunday he saw the three umbrellas.  I'm surprised the robbers didn't just steal all three of them.  Idiots.  It's not like I didn't see this coming.

I mentioned in a previous entry that the new guy, who needs a nickname, was late.  After checking out the stolen umbrella I went into the library to use the restroom.  I got to talking to the security guard.  I noticed that once again the new guy was late.  It was 8:22am when I took the above photo of the keys.  I later saw the new guy walking to the van.  But of course he was already late.  Not that these idiots care.  But it would be interesting to find out if he's putting 8am on his time card rather than 8:30am.  I tend to think that he is putting 8am.

I got some reports on the new guy.  Mostly little mistakes, but a lot of little mistakes.  Careless things.  Things that would be OK if he just took the time to be of the details.  But he's like Benedict, not interested in details.  He's interested in rushing through the route.  Misa told me that he was at Brand and it was barely 11am.  I'm not even having lunch at that time.  He and Benedict don't get milking the fucking situation.  But they also don't understand that the devil is in the details.  New guy forgot to take the outgoing mail.  He took the money, but that's because one of the full timers gave him the money bags.  Upon return he placed the outgoing Pasadena bins in the wrong place, and the branch and Central bins were a fucking mess.  The good thing about him driving on Tuesdays is that I won't have to be the one that picks up his mess.  The Wednesday driver is going to do that.  This is such bullshit.

I walked over to the police department and sat for three hours while some parrot lawyer talked to me about harassment in the work place.  Boy, she was awful.  She had a horrible voice, and she didn't make any of it fun at all.  Not only that, the last guy that I had was great in that he let us out early.  Not this lady.  She kept up the entire three hours.  I was watching the clock, the fucking thing was five second short of noon when she said, "OK, we're done."  Fuck this shit!

I knew intellectually that the slaughter desk was bad.  Now that I've been on that slaughter desk I can say that it is even worse than I could imagine.  These mental "giants" went ahead and took one of three computers away.  I feel completely neutered while working that desk.  I feel that I'm barely holding my head over water, and worse, sometimes I feel I'm going under.  It was so bad that I feel I need to put my grievances in writing.  Not that it's going to change anything, of course.

Wed May 29, I'm working on the "big" fundraising project at San Marino.  It's not until November, but something like this takes a lot of time to figure out and plan.  This is why I'm working on this project in May when the fundraiser isn't for nearly six months.  The fundraiser in past years has focused on various places on Earth as "destinations" that the library takes guests to enjoy.  This year the theme is the state of California.  I figured that the best thing to do is to have things based on California and the flag.  I used the colors of the flag as a base for the design.  But there was a point today when Pseudo supervisor asked me to change the color of the state from a neutral color to green and to then change the background to the color from white to the color that was formally on the state.  Then she asked me to add other colors to the bottom where red had been previously.  The result is the image above.  In my opinion it's shit.  There was a moment when I wanted to try and state my case for the simple colors I picked over any other color scheme, but I decided not to fight for that original idea.  Because ultimately this isn't my project.  It's my project at work, not my personal project.  I have to answer to myself if I don't like my own project.  In this case I have to answer to a committee of people that may have good ideas, but they can't all be used.  And so when Pseudo supervisor told me to change the colors I just did it.  She asked me what I thought and I lied and told her the colors were fine.  But then later the both of us did come to a conclusion that maybe this design needs to be chucked in the bin for a better design.  Something that's simpler.  I'm good with that idea.

I've said it before, many times, but Wednesdays are special to me for the sole reason that I get to spend them with TheGirl and Cheyenne... oh and Chan.  Tonight the wine flowed and the worries of this shortened week went away for, at the very least, a short time.  TheGirl mentioned that someone she knows called our Wednesday night dinners a "Date."  I told her that I don't care to put a label on our Wednesday night dinners.  She agreed, it was no one's business but ours.  We then went to the subject of being friends with our ex relationships, and that I'm really the only ex that she has remained friends with.  She credited that to me not being like any other man that she has known.  I will pat myself on the back and say that I'm not usual.  I'm certainly not perfect, despite my poor efforts to be as perfect as can be.  I think I try as much as anyone else to do right by people.  These days that may not sound like a high bar, but it is something out of the usual.  TheGirl and I share a friendship born from mutual attraction.  We have gone beyond that to a place where we need each other in our lives.  Our relationship is long past, but from that has come a friendship that has added Cheyenne and Chandaka to the mix.  Two very significant elements.  On my way home I thought about what would happen if Cheyenne was to become ill with something that would require her to be put down.  The pain I felt at the possibility was more than I care to say here.  But her death would be one of the most significant in my life, to be sure.  Cheyenne's affection and love is pure.  The first time she saw me she wanted to tear my head off.  Now she wiggles her butt when she sees me.  THAT is significant.  If you measure my life by anything, let it be by the affection Cheyenne shows me when she sees me.  Because nothing could better evidence that I was at the very least a "decent" person.

Thu May 30, There is almost no incentive for me to put any more than a minimal effort in this place.  I'm processing what has happened this week and the results are not good.  SirLuna, as I'll call him, didn't do the job correctly.  And it's not just a matter of style, it's a matter of crossing T's and dotting I's.  It's that he doesn't care.  That's what burns me up.  The reports from Tuesday show a guy who rushed through the delivery and did a bad job.  He forgot the mail.  He would have forgotten the money if someone hadn't given it to him.  The bins were all wrong, and he rushed through the delivery, leaving most of the work for the Wednesday driver to do.  Not good at all.  But, is anyone going to call him on the carpet for his mistakes?  Is anyone going to correct said mistakes?  Certainly not me.  I'm not a supervisor.  I just know the route, and I know when it's done wrong and when it's done right.

But, I don't own the route.  It's "mine" because I work it.  I've done it for nearly seven years now.  But it's not mine.  Nothing I do in that place makes a difference.  And this is why I say that I can't put more than a minimal effort at this job from this point forward.  They can just go eat shit, for all I care.  I'm going to continue doing my job correctly.  But I'm certainly not going to put ANY effort while I'm on the desk.  THAT desk is a pile of shit, and doesn't deserve my efforts.

Today I delivered a toy kitchen to Montrose.  Something I'm sure SirLuna isn't going to do any time soon.  I really have to just let all this go.  Nothing I say here is going to change his actions.  Hell, even talking to him isn't going to change his actions.  I just need to do me, and not worry about his actions.  That's the plan, anyway.

I checked my email and found the above email from the I.T. department.  Of course these dopes can't even provide help on the weekends.  The so-called I.T. department is one full time dope and some scrubs.  They hired a guy a few months ago to offset having the team go down from four full timers a few years ago to now having only one full timer.  I love that AD is going to be "on call" if there's an "urgent" issue.  Fuck that shit.  All she's going to do is send an email to be read on Monday.

These dopes in administration keep thinking they can bring up the low moral by asking stupid questions for their newsletter.  This time they ask to say what's our favorite vacation location.  Yeah, well, they can just go fuck themselves.  Maybe I should answer that my favorite vacation location is "library island."

Fri May 31, I went into administration this morning and since it's Friday there was almost no one in the offices.  DrDeath has been gone all this week, and he was also gone last week.  AD was "in the office" yesterday, but of course she was in and out.  I did get to talk to the woman I had dinner a few years ago, and she gave me an earful of what's going on up there.  It basically confirmed what Vagabundo and I have been saying is going up there.  It's a fucking mess.  She confirmed that DrDeath and AD don't get along.  Confirmed that she is angry that she didn't get the director job.  Confirmed that he stays in his office all day long and doesn't talk to anyone.

She also told me how Cerberus sucks so much that they are considering selling it.  She mentioned that other libraries have gotten rid of their stupid sorting machines, because they just don't work.  I could have told them that.  She also mentioned that they know moral is low.  They've been told that the one desk doesn't work.  They know pretty much every gripe that Vagabundo and I have been speaking about and yet they don't do anything about it.  Just awful.  So nothing is going to change any time soon, because DrDeath is a terrible leader.

Today on the route I was talking to TheNewCute about photography.  She shoots film!  During the conversation she also dropped the "boyfriend" bomb.  I had already seen online that she had a fella, but hearing it directly from her is something else.  For me, when a woman mentions a boyfriend it means "Don't be interested in me."  Oh well.