A lot happened this month.  It was jammed packed, as seems to be the norm these days.  With that, on with the update.

Sat Oct 1, I woke up still sick, but determined to make a good day of it today.  I didn't have to avoid my aunt today, but I wasn't going to stick around the house, even though I could.  I had told her that I was working today, so I had to make a good show of it.  If I didn't she would wonder where I had gone today.  Now the main reason why I was going over to TheGirl's was to dog sit her puppy.  It's not like the dog isn't alone most of the day, but she was worried that she wouldn't get her dinner on time, and be lonely most of the day.  This is why I volunteered to go over and check on her.  Also, I could use it to escape my house and not be there.  The reason why I was dog sitting is because TheGirl's son was getting married today.  This day has been long in coming, and she was excited to go without having to worry about Cheyenne.  I was happy to do this for her.

I arrived at TheGirl's a little after 2pm.  I first went to get some food, and then settled in for the day.  Of course Cheyenne greeted me with a smile.  I thought about buying a pizza or myself, but ended up getting a sandwich.  One that was big enough that I knew I would eat half at lunch and the other half for dinner.  Dog sitting wasn't difficult.  Most of the time I was just chilling at TheGirl's place.

I thought I might get some sleep, but that didn't happen.  I mostly played around on my computer and watched stuff online.  That was good by me, because I could just chill all day and drink.  I can't drink at home in the middle of day.  Even if it is my day off.  It's so nice to feel THAT good from booze in the middle of the day.

I drank a whole bottle of wine today.  By the end of my time at TheGirl's place I was feeling tired and so was puppy.  We played a lot, but no more than when I visit on Wednesdays and Mondays.  Still, with the booze inside me I was feeling tired.  Before I left we just chilled on the couch.

TheDesire again didn't invite me to her play.  She mentioned it, but didn't think to ask.  Yes, she said that she considered it, but that since the play was in Armenian I wouldn't understand it.  Yeah, she's right.  But of course I would be there for moral support.  Ah, what does it matter now?  Her actions should be a red light to me, but I'm too stupid to wake up and smell the coffee.

Mon Oct 3, Today was Yom Kippur and because of that the traffic was light.  But then it wasn't, because when I got to Woodman the fucking traffic was packed.  Work was just whatever today.  It was busy but also not that busy.  Even as the big fundraiser night approaches I kinda don't have much to do.  There are a lot of my projects that just need final approval and I can print them and call them done.  But, pseudo supervisor is pretty busy getting everything ready for the fifteenth.

TheDesire posted the following picture on her IG feed today.  She is quite pretty, don't you think?  I wonder who took this.  And what does the quote mean?  I guess I should google it and see the context of it all.  I mean, not at it really matters at the end of the day.

Well, it doesn't matter but I did find the quote.  It's part of a larger quote by Paulo Coelho, and like so many things kinda taken out of context.  It's actually a very Buddhist kind of quote about the yin and yang of our natural state of being along and being with someone.  Here is the entire quote:

Without solitude, Love will not stay long by your side.

Because Love needs to rest as well, so that it can journey through the heavens and reveal itself in other forms.

Without solitude, no plant or animal can survive, no soil can remain productive for any length of time, no child can learn about life, no artist can create, no work can grow and be transformed.

Solitude is not the absence of Love, but its complement.
Solitude is not the absence of company, but the moment when our soul is free to speak to us and help us decide what to do with our life.

Therefore, blessed are those who do not fear solitude, who are not afraid of their own company, who are not always desperately looking for something to do, something to amuse themselves with, something to judge.

If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself. And if you do not know yourself, you will begin to fear the void.

But the void does not exist. A vast world lies hidden in our soul, waiting to be discovered. There it is, with all its strength intact, but it is so new and so powerful that we are afraid to acknowledge its existence.

Just as Love is the divine condition, so solitude is the human condition. And for those who understand the miracle of life, those two states peacefully coexist.

Is TheDesire saying she's OK with being alone?  Is she misquoting this to mean something it doesn't?  I don't know, but I guess I'll never know unless I ask her.  But, I'm not going to ask her about this.

Tue Oct 4, Route day!  I went to Pasadena and on the way back I watched as a huge semi-truck passed this truck towing on the right.  I mean come on truck guy.  Move a little faster.  If a semi is passing you, it means you're clearly not going fast enough.  Stupid me shouldn't have even seen that pass by the semi, because I should have still been in Pasadena dropping off a book kit.  But, I forgot, and that meant that I had to do that later during the route.  ARGH!  It was so frustrating to have to double back to Pasadena, because I had forgotten to drop off the book kit at the book store.  I'm such a fucking idiot!

Bundy came strolling out when I was getting things out of the van from Casa.  He was saying how he loved it there, and how it's been pretty quiet.  Same things I hear him say every time I go there.  This time, he asked me about my schedule and if I was available.  Of course I was, I'm on the city's shift manager, I told him.  He wanted to see if I could work some nights.  Sure, I told him, Tuesdays and Thursdays after my shift driving the route.  Cool, he would let Snow know about it.  And then that's when I figured it would just die on the vine with Snow.  Whatever.  I should just find another job to do on these days.

And finally I saw TheDesire working the desk at Casa.  All these weeks since Central closed she's been in the back office.  She is a vision, I'll say that.  It's not like I think I have a chance with her, because I don't.  But the pathetic thing is that I like being around her, in her presence.  But where does that get me except for blue balls?  No where, that's where.  This dream is a dream I need to wake up from.  A few weeks ago I REALLY thought that my dream of being with TheDesire was going to come true.  BUT of course that was a pipe dream, and nothing happened between us.  I guess that should have been the moment that I just walked away.  But how many times have I thought THIS is the last straw moment and I HAVEN'T walked away?  Ah, like every fucking time.  Every time.  I'm being a fool with this.  I can't move on if I don't resolve these feelings in some way.  And even though TheDesire is a vision, it's one that is starting to have a diminished return.

I went out drinking with Emma and got pretty sloshed.  I had two Manhattans and then the rest of the whiskey I had in my flask.  I remember things after that, but they are disjointed.  Like I remember throwing a cup of coffee in my coworker's office, but I don't remember what triggered that action.  I remember trying to clean it up and failing miserably, since I was drunk.  But I don't remember why I figured that it would be OK to just leave things there like that.  THAT part is a blur.  I do remember Emma asking if I wanted a ride home.  No, I'll be fine, I told her.  That's when I walked to my car, threw my shorts in the back area, and started walking on the street, not knowing where the fuck I was going.

As I just said, I don't remember what trigged me becoming angry and throwing that cup of coffee to the wall, but I do know what I felt.  In no uncertain terms tonight I burn all bridges with those dummies that I work with.  I'm just tired of them all drinking the Kool-aid and telling me it's not poisoned.  My buddy and I were talking about how everyone disappoints us.  And sure enough, tonight everyone went into that category.  The book signing is just the icing on the top of that.  Instead of going to my car to sleep the booze off I just started walking down the street.  I wasn't sure were I was going to go, but I just needed to walk and walk and walk.  Walk since I couldn't drive.  I ended up walking to the Carl's Jr. that I've frequented with Dane after work on Saturdays.  When I was still working Saturdays.

Wed Oct 5, Work was work.  I had some things to do, but nothing super urgent.  Mainly it was more setting up for later projects.  Next week though, it's down to the wire.  My buddy told me that he was told to he would start next Tuesday.  Of course on the day I'm not there.  It's cool.  I told him that I would try to see if pseudo supervisor would give him some hours helping out at the fundraiser.  We shall see.

Emma texted me today to ask me how I was doing.  I told her I was doing fine.  She finally got around to asking me about last night's events.  I didn't really want to text her about it, but she's been pretty good to me so I felt obliged to at least try to explain a little.  But really I didn't have a good excuse.  I don't remember what triggered me throwing that cup of coffee at the wall, and I told her that.  I can't remember what happened a moment before I threw that coffee cup across the room, but it must have really pissed me off.  I'm OK with the results in the sense that I really just want to burn bridges at that place.  I'm tired of all those assholes.  Not that it justifies what I did.  But I don't have a good explanation for my actions that night other than to say booze.  But booze doesn't turn me into an angry person, so I do want to know what made me just lose it.  I'll probably never know.

Dinner tonight with TheGirl was nice.  We talked a little more about her son's wedding the other day.  How puppy acted when I was around.  And a little bit about the upcoming trip to Carmel.  We're supposed to take TheHusband's car up there, because he owns a nice big car and is comfortable for three adults and a dog and a monkey.  But, his car's tires are bald, or balding, and TheGirl doesn't feel safe driving on them.  What to bet he doesn't get the tires in time for the trip?  I suspect that we're all going to have to squeeze into TheGirl's car, which really in terms of practical space is smaller than my car.  I'm not holding my breath, I'll tell you that.  TheGirl has a cold, so she couldn't even taste her food.  Poor thing.  I still have a little bit of a cold, so I know how she feels.  I told her that neither of us can be sick when we go up to Carmel.

Thu Oct 6, Back to Glendale today, and I expected so many things to happen.  I knew for my part I wasn't going to make any efforts with anyone today.  Just drive and deliver.  Right off the bat I had to deal with the van's parking lot key card not functioning.  I had to go to the office and talk to them.  They said the paperwork has to be updated.  Ah, what?  Whatever, I took their paper and had someone from administration sign it for me.  It's such bullshit.

I arrived at Pasadena with a load of overturned books.  They were in two bins marked donations.  They were going from one branch to another.  My buddy took them despite the fact that he wasn't going to go there next.  He told me that they "insisted" he take them.  He did, and apologized to me, for doing so, because he knew it would mean I would carry them the entire route until the last stop.  When they overturned (pictured above) I just left them there, and pointed it out to the driver at Pasadena.  He told me I could dump them in the Pasadena donations bin, and I started to do that.  I didn't want to dump all of them there.  I wanted to dump them all in the trash.  Next time this happens they're going into the trash.

When I returned to Glendale from Pasadena I went to city hall and also got the van cleaned.  The poor thing didn't even look white any more, it was a so dirty.  Today was like a spiritual day in the sense that I just wanted to get the job done and not talk to my coworker idiots.  I was early for my first stop, but after that it was slow.  Still, it was nice to get the van nice and clean.  I felt better for that wash.

I arrived at Casa not knowing what to expect.  I didn't know if TheDesire was going to even be there, or how she would react to me.  Sure enough, she ignored me.  I came in and took the bins, and then returned to use the restroom, and neither time did she turn her eyes away from her computer screen.  I didn't feel sadness.  It was just confirmation that in her mind I did something bad.  But you know what?  THIS needed to happen.  This bridge is useless and needed to be burned.  I've had a crush on TheDesire for nearly a decade at this point and what has it gotten me?  Certainly not any closer to winning her over.  I know I had this thought that perhaps I was gaining ground, but then she sent me that series of texts saying "don't like me in that way."  OK, and yet I still persisted thinking I had some slight little chance.  But it was idiotic.  However, it wasn't catastrophic.  I always had an "in" with her.  But my actions the other night, like going through her purse in jest, and the coffee thing I'm sure they all know about now, has given me a black mark.  But I just don't give a fuck any more.  Her reaction was exactly what I expected and wanted.  I've now made my peace with this... I can walk away.  Perhaps not clean, but I can walk away now.  And you know what, I don't feel bad.  I feel numb, but also relieved.  That weight is a weight that I've carried on my shoulders for no reason for so long.  I liked TheDesire very much.  This is nothing I did towards her, but the result is something I needed to happen, because otherwise I would just pine away for her forever.  And for sure I don't need that shit in my life.  I've done it all my life with various women.  TheDesire just happens to be the most recent.  I imbued her with some sort of specialness because she's beautiful.  It's a common mistake I make.  I'm sure I'll do it again.  But this bridge is now gone and I'm not mourning it.  I suspect that my conversation with her on Tuesday was the last time I'll speak to her.  Fitting that I was trying to tell her something I felt was important about work and she just didn't get it.  She didn't care.

The rest of the route was pretty uneventful.  The security guard that works at city hall and one of the branches told me today that the Little Page night at Disneyland had been rescheduled for October 16th.  Well, I'm working, but I could go after work.  I point this out because Snow has NOT told me anything about this.  Maybe I'm not invited.  I'm good with that.  I don't need these fool's invitation to go to Disneyland.  I can go anytime I want to on my own.  I'm considering waking up early on Saturday and going for a few hours.  Maybe even going to Talia's on the way back and fucking her.  I know it wasn't great, but it was better than not fucking.  And also, boobs.  Even I only go over to play with her boobs it's better than not playing with boobs.

There was a moment when I was driving up to Brand and I suddenly became happy.  All I could think of is that moment at the end of Clockwork Orange when Alex looks at the camera and declares that he was cured, alright. 

Sun Oct 9, TheGirl invited me to breakfast this morning in appreciation for me dog sitting last week.  I didn't do it for the free meal, but I do appreciate being fed.  We chatted a little bit about the upcoming trip in a couple of week.  We both said that we're nearly 100% sure that TheHusband will not get new tires on his car and we'll have to travel in TheGirl's car.  Which is much smaller than TheHusband's.  Believe me, I don't really want to go in TheHusband's car if I can avoid it.  But, at the same time I know that going in TheHusband's car would mean a more room.  Still, I rather not go in his car.

Once again work was about putting out fires.  So many stupid little things nearly made me lose my shit today.  One patron always has problems with the sound on the computers.  Might it be because his earphones don't work any more?  I gave him a pair of the library headphones and sure enough the fucking sound worked.  Then I had pseudo supervisor in the building, and she asked me to stick around after work for a while.  That turned into an extra hour at work.  I had this idea that I would maybe go to Disneyland tonight, but at the same time I was too tired.  I need rest.  LaFlor looked really nice today.  I was texting Talia and she was telling me how horny she was tonight.  I did have this idea that I would go over to her place after work.  But with staying longer and me being hungry I thought better of going.  Also, I thought it better just to jerk off tonight.  I might try to get over there on Thursday, perhaps.  I know, it's a dumb thing to do, but it's better than not getting laid.

The drive home was so pleasant, what with me driving towards a beautiful sunset and home.  I was listening to the debate on my way home.  It was not a pleasant debate.  As a matter of fact when I got home I could only listen for a little while longer before giving up.  Trump was a mess and of course doubled down on attacks.  The whole "debate" was a train wreck.  I'm pretty much ready for this entire election to be over already.

Mon Oct 10, On my way to work there was a accident on the 134, but of course.  For some reason these accidents seem to always happen in the same spot on the freeway.  At this point I just have to deal with it and not think about the stupidity of others.  I'm getting too tired to even care now.

I don't remember how I started texting LM today, but I think that it was because I wanted to touch base with her after her visit less than a couple of weeks ago when she came to the states for her Mother's funeral.  She was at the library to say good-bye to her old supervisor, my current one since he has retired.  Officially Saturday was his last day, but he will still be here on Thursday to give the reins to the new librarian (who my boss apparently wants to set me up with).  Anyway, I texted LM and then I hit the call button the FB app I was using and next thing I know we're video chatting via the app.  It was nice to see LM and talk to her.  Though, now that I sit here I remember that I forgot to tell her that I was sorry for her the loss of her mother.  Having lived through that already I know what it's like.  It's clear from our conversation that she is still attracted to me.  It's clear from the fact that I still make some effort to talk to her that I'm attracted to her.  It's been nearly seven years since we were intimate.  THAT alone gives us a connection that we can share that I can't say I share with very many women.  I hate to say it, but I wonder if she was back here in the states that she and I would be sleeping together again.  Even if we don't, I do like keeping in touch with her.

The sunsets while driving home the last few nights have been so beautiful.  It makes this city a little nicer when you have this gorgeous sky above you painted like a work of art on the way home.  I'm a lucky monkey.  To live in this city isn't always easy, but there are times like this last few days when the light lingers and bathes the city in a beautiful red-orange hue.

I went over to TheGirl's after work, as it is now a Monday tradition, and played with puppy and invited TheGirl to the Enchanted Forest at Descanso in December.  I bought the tickets the other day, and I knew that I only wanted to ask TheGirl to go with me.  She said yes.  Woo hoo!

Tue Oct 11, I went into work today and one of the guys in administration told me I had a special delivery to city hall... about a dozen packages going to several departments.  Each of the packages contained a hard hat, a shirt, and an envelope with special instructions addressed to "V.I.P." such and such.  These things are clearly for the ribbon cutting next year.  I love that the project is still so far behind and yet here were are sending kits for the ribbon cutting.  I wouldn't be surprised if one of the so-called V.I.P.s misplaced their hard hats because, "Those were sent over six months ago."  Such a fucking load.  And of course I have to be the one doing the actual work delivering this shit.

I didn't exactly see TheDesire at Casa today, but I THOUGHT I saw her walking into the library from the other door.  I had plans to ignore her the same way she ignored me last week.  Even if she is OK with me, I'm not OK with her.  I loved her and wanted to love her.  But she couldn't get past her original programming, so to speak, and give me a fucking chance.  Granted, I know that just because I'm attracted to someone doesn't mean they are attracted to me.  But, I thought I had a good chance with TheDesire.  It doesn't matter now, I want to put as much distance between her and me as possible.  And that isn't just physical distance, but rather emotional distance.  So far, so good.

I was asked by a friend to help him buy a cell phone.  We went after I finished up work to the mall in Glendale.  We ate and we then went across to the Verizon store.  But the wait was getting to be really long.  We left there and went up to the Apple store.  Now the funny thing is that at Verizon they said they didn't have any iPhones in stock.  But the Apple store did, and then we just waited around to get my friend his new phone.

While waiting there I spotted this girl, who was quite pretty (as you can see).  Super skinny, but just pretty.  I couldn't figure out why she was just standing around looking at the computers and seemingly not buying anything.  But, it turned out she was waiting for her phone to be repaired.

Wed Oct 12, It was Yom Kippur today and the traffic on the 101 reflected that.  That is, until I reached Coldwater Canyon.  Then it was the same old clusterfuck it is every morning.  Just when I thought I was going to have a wide open freeway on the way to work.

Meanwhile at my San Marino job we are getting down to the wire for the big fundraiser and for once I might actually be ahead of the curve when it comes to my assignments.  I know, crazy, but it's true.  Of course come Friday I will be working like a dog to catch up on stuff that I didn't even know I had assigned to me.  Ah, but I won't worry, because I know I can do anything.

TheGirl said there were a couple of places we could go get some food tonight.  She mentioned how she walks by a place called El Tejano right up the street from where she lives.  Well, we weren't there and it was mediocre to say the least. 

Here is my short review that I wrote and posted on social media:

If I come back here it's likely because of the inexpensive booze.  The food left a lot to be desired.  I had some tacos al pastor and while they were OK they weren't that great.  The rice and beans that came with the tacos were sub par.  My friend had enchiladas and didn't finish them.  I took them home and just threw them away.  I HATE wasting food, but there's no way I would punish my body with terrible food twice just because I paid good money for a meh meal.  On second thought, I won't be back again.

My buddy told me to check the work email and right away I knew what he meant for me to see.  The above is an invitation to a wake, I mean a baby shower.  There is a lot I can say about this fucking bullshit event, but I rather just say that we all live in the prisons we make for ourselves and leave it at that.

Thu Oct 13, For more than a year now the entire library has been subject to construction of some kind.  Right now there is the main construction in the library, but there's also construction going on outside.  After putting in a new sidewalk the city came by and tore that sidewalk up in order to install yet another sidewalk.  This is some sort of "green" sidewalk where the water will be filtered through stones and dirt so that the runoff from the one inch of rain we get a year will be less contaminated.  Nobel, but of course right now it makes for a clusterfuck in front of the library.  I'm just sick of all this construction already.  Of course we're not yet begun to construct.  They say the renovation will be done by March, but they still have SO much to do.  And even though they will somehow make it to that date it's going to be a fucking mess.

When I was loading the van up to go to Pasadena I noticed many of the full timers showing up.  The rogues gallery, if you will.  One was saying how he went the wrong way (trying to get into the library through the now closed off former front door).  Doesn't he read the emails?  Then of course TheDesire comes sashaying her way past me.  She says to me, "Hey," and I give her a polite but short hey back and we go our separate ways.  Neither of us broke stride.  It was good to see her and not have that stomach full of butterflies feeling.

I came and went from Pasadena.  There wasn't that much in terms of mail coming from city hall, and I didn't have any special deliveries today.  I also didn't have that much going out to the branches.  As a consequence I was early to nearly all my stops.  Also, I told myself no talking to coworkers.  I did talk a little, but I limited it to less than a couple of minutes.  I chatted a little online with LM, told her I was delivering books today.

I was so early today that I ate my lunch BEFORE noon.  I took it easy today, that's for sure.  I bought an ice cream bar and had it during my lunch.  It was nice.  I was tired though.  Too much "partying" last night.  Actually, I did have a nice pair of shots after getting home last night, and that pushed my bed time past a reasonable hour.  Hence me being tired.

Oh, but this morning I was of course running late.  I made myself a quick sandwich while putting stuff from the fridge for lunch.  My aunt made this slop of a meat thing.  It is flavorless.  I put Tabasco on it to give it some taste.  My stomach wasn't feeling well this morning.  When I got to work I had to poop.  ARGH, hate having to drop a deuce at work.  I felt much better after.  I think it was those damn sandwiches from last night.  Fucking terrible.

As I was finishing up my lunch my buddy told me to check the work email.  Sure enough today's gathering of the rogues was because they had a meeting.  The results of that meeting... bad.  The above is an excerpt of the minutes.  The phrase "Staff efficiencies" is such a euphemism for "Some of you ain't needed."  Fucking bastards.  THIS, this is the actual core reason for the renovation.  Aside from kickbacks from the contractor, this renovation is meant to spur the firing of people.  The line before that says how they will be relying more on "technology" for "service."  That means a fucking machine is going to be used to check out books.  And that means no more clerks will be needed.  The full timers that are there are semi-protected.  But once they go those positions are gone.  But, of course they protect their own by killing the grunt positions while adding TWO fucking administration positions!  Fucking shit!  This is some major bullshit!

I went into GV thinking that Snow would be there and invite me to Little Page night at Disneyland this Sunday.  Mind you, she invited me a long time ago when it was in September.  However, it was postponed.  And because of the grapevine I found out it's this Sunday.  But has anyone actually told me when it's going to be, or what time?  Nope.  Snow, Shay, neither of them have said a single word about this invite.  Also, Vagabundo has almost no information about where they will meet.  He was finally told about it being Sunday, but they only just told him yesterday.  What gives?  I joked that perhaps they don't really want me there.  But then why originally invite me, points out Vagabundo.  He's right.  But has anyone said anything to me?  Nope.  I had thought that Snow would be at her branches, but she wasn't at either of them. And Shay wasn't there either.  Little Page was there, but she didn't say a word to me.  I told Vagabundo that I think Little Page doesn't really want to go.  But that she's been forced to go by Snow.

I went to get the bookdrop tonight and found it full of fucking donations.  I won't want to do the bookdrop any more after there route.  I'm already tired, and it makes me just that much more tired to go and have to deal with more dumb donations than actual books.  Tonight there were easily about sixty magazines in the drop.  I just tossed them.  Fuck that shit.

Last night as I was leaving pseudo supervisor told me, "See ya Friday."  I took that to mean don't show up on Thursday like we said.  Well, she forgot, she said, in a text while I was just minutes away from home.  I wasn't going to drive back to San Marino at that point.  It would have taken me an hour and I would have been able to work only a couple of hours before going back home.  Fuck that!  Also, I was damn tired.

I was texting Talia today about possibly going over to have sex with her today after work.  But, I was so tired and hungry that I prioritized that instead of going over to her place.  I got home and ate and quickly passed out.  I was watching football, but I hardly saw any of the game since I was passed out.  My aunt at some point came into my room and took my plate away, and I didn't even notice.

Fri Oct 14, Today was all about setting up for tomorrow.  My phone told me that it would take me thirty-six minutes to get to work today.  Well, it might have if I had left when this message popped up.  Still, that's Siri for looking out for me and making sure I get to work on time.

Today was all about getting ready for the big fundraiser tomorrow.  I can't wait for this thing to be over.  After this it's not time to put things in cruise mode, but I'll get to slow down a bit.  A week from today I'll be in Carmel!

How do you like my new hat?  I've been wanting to get a hat for my route days at Glendale.  I think the above hat is just right for my route days.

Here are two of my coworkers getting a hut ready.  They spent the better part of the day making this thing.  It ultimately turned out really cool looking.  I should add that I also took this picture because it has the girl I like at work.  not sure what nickname to give her, but yeah.  She's cute, and I REALLY want to ask her out.  Well, I want to be intimate with her, if that's such a terrible thing.  Guess these days it is terrible to say such a thing so bluntly.

I had this idea that I would not mention TheDesire here every again.  Like so many promises associated with TheDesire, that promise was broken by me just writing this last sentence.  I posted a picture from Overhead L.A.'s IG feed on my FB, instead of sending it to her.  Because why should I send it to her?  But, she saw this on FB, which admittedly was done to get a rise out of her.  Sure enough, she commented on the post (pictured above). 

Sat Oct 15, Tonight is the night for the big fundraiser.  Oh my monkey, I've been waiting for this day so I could finally put it in the rearview mirror.  There isn't really much to say about what happened since it was mostly just me running around doing work.  There are a couple of little things that I can talk about beyond me drinking a lot of booze during the entire day.

There was so much work to be done today that I started drinking really early... like just past 11am.  I basically had a nice buzz the entire rest of the day.  Man, I wish I could drink at work more often.  Still, how would I get home?  Ha!  I must say, drinking on the job never felt so needed as today.

There was a moment when my coworker Lilian came back to work, even though she wasn't invite to work.  Still, we sat down for a little bit and reminisced about our time here at San Marino.  It's coming up on the start of my ninth year here, and it's still a great place to work.  Granted, I should move on and get a full time job.  But for now I rather stay here and be happy.  Probably not a good plan, but it's my plan.

The event itself tonight was good.  But I can feel that now that it's been so many years of this thing that perhaps we're reaching a point where the very idea of such a fundraiser is burnt out.  I felt that fewer people showed up this year than last year, and last year wasn't all that great in terms of attendance.  In short, I think this thing has run its course.  But, the final numbers will tell.

During the night I talked to the boss about the dummy patron that is showing up Sunday for an event in the community room.  While talking to her I mentioned how I thought she was trying to set me up with TheLamp, and she says to me, "Oh, I think she's attached."  But of course.  Have to say, I'm not surprised.  The SECOND I become a little interested in this girl she magically has a guy.  Terrible.

Sun Oct 16, I was asked by pseudo supervisor to come in early today to help with the clean up.  In years past I've either taken the day off, or not come in until my normal shift starts, giving me that little bit of extra time in the morning to rest.  This time it was once again getting up with the chickens and getting to work early.  The clean up process is always faster than the setting up.  The big tent that was made and put over the reference desk took the better part of two days to make.  But, it was down in less than an hour.

There were some kid volunteers that came in to help, but they really didn't want to do anything.  There was a point where I was told by pseudo to move this big table to the kitchen in the center next door.  Of three teens only one really did any of the lifting.  So it was him and me doing the work.  The other two nothing.  It's so frustrating to put in an effort and have someone else just sit there and watch as you struggle to get something done.  And more importantly, not lend a hand.

T and I tried to preempt a bad situation by getting the community room ready for today's event.  The last time we did this it was a mess.  The group wanted more than one mic to be used at the last minute.  With our set up it's not easy to just add another mic.  It should be, but it's not.  Well, T and I did it, despite the fact that I was tired and she wasn't feeling well.  Something she ate last night didn't agree with her and she didn't sleep.  Well, the boss, her boyfriend and a volunteer placed the chairs out and of course this group comes in and moves them around again, and brings out the tables that I had earlier put away (pictured above).  As T said, "Whatever!"  We did our job, if they want to move things around it's OK by me.  Especially since today I didn't have a long fuse.  But, I will say this.  Our jumping head and setting everything up did work out how we wanted it to.  The event went well, and they didn't complain once.  Woo!

And then started one of the worst shifts I've had to work here.  NOTHING seemed to go my way.  After the set up of the chairs I thought I would have nearly an hour to chill before work started.  Nope.  One fire came up after the other.  Suffice to say it was go, go, go the entire time.  It was so bad I took a swig of rum that's in my office to help me deal with this shit.  Thankfully the booze to me was like spinach to Popeye.  It gave me the energy to get through the day.  At one point this dummy father was in the children's section and I kicked him off the computers.  Then I had to deal with an artist installing his art on the gallery walls.  Mind you, no one told us he would be showing up.  Suddenly I'm having to help him, which still trying to do my job.  Oh, and while also going on the circulation desk to help in at times, because LaFlor and Pee can't seem to get through a line of more than three people without panicking.  ARGH!  It was just a very frustrating shift.  At the end of which, I just wanted to put as much distance as possible between me and those fucking patrons.

And then there was Disneyland.  Vagabundo went down there today with the gang from our Glendale job to celebrate Little Page graduating.  I know, that was months ago, but they're just now getting to this celebration.  I was invited many weeks ago to go when this thing was scheduled for September.  But, was I told about it this last time?  Nope.  Were there many opportunities to tell me?  Yes.  But up until the last minute Vagabundo thought that I would still be invited.  Nope.  So we figured that I would go down there (if invited) and meet up with those dopes and then Vagabundo and I could talk and have a little fun at Disneyland.  Nope.  Since they didn't invite me we found it difficult to find a way to have me JUST show up.  Mind you, I had plans on going to Disneyland this Sunday or last, independent of their plans.  Knowing what I knew about them going I figured that I would not go last week but rather today.  Despite the fact that I was super tired from the last few days of working twelve hours a day.  Still, I was up to the task.

Well... it wasn't meant to be.  That idea of the best laid plans... Vagabundo and my plan was not a best laid plan to say the least.  It hinged on those dummies telling me about them being at Disneyland.  Since they never did, I didn't have a good excuse for joining them.  Because how could I if I didn't have any knowledge of them being at the park.  That being said I still texted my buddy to tell him that I was going to be at the park in about an hour, and to have his escape planned.  It didn't work out.  But, I was OK with that.  I wanted to get some food, and that's what I got to do.  And, thanks to a kid that was walking on the path to Disneyland from the parking structure, that gave me a fast pass he had, I was able to get on Space Mountain as soon as I walked in the park.  As soon as I got off I went to get some food.

I wasn't sure what to eat, but my choices were quickly limited.  I went to get a corn down and found that place closed.  Then I figured I would go to Hungry Bear.  Nope!  The section where that is located is being refurbished or something.  It was closed, is all I know.  I finally ended up going and getting a chili-dog on Main St.  But I was still hungry, so I went to the Village Haus to get a flat bread pizza with pulled pork.  It was damn good, and really hit the spot.  I finished off my night with a churro.  And I was thinking I wanted popcorn, but I passed.  After eating I didn't even try to get on another attraction.  I was tired, and I knew that with pulled pork in my I had a limited time before a food coma set in.  I wanted that time to get home.

On my way out of the park I stopped at the castle to take some pictures of it.  The parade was just breaking up, and the side path to the castle was real quiet.  I was able to fart without having someone around, and I made a wish at the wishing well.  I went to take my picture and while just enjoying the fact that I was there I notice a couple a few feet away from me taking a lot of pictures.  Suddenly the guy pulls out this glowing box and gets on one knee to propose to his girl.  She just starts jumping and laughing.  It was a nice moment, despite the fact that I don't believe in marriage.  The fact that two people can get to this point these days is still touching to me.  I'll never know that feeling.  I'll just keep coming to the park by myself.  But man, did I have fun.

Mon Oct 17, Back to the grind I never left.  My buddy and I talked about his experiences at Disneyland with the GV dummies while I drove to work.  He worried that I might be late, and I told him I was planning on being late today.  But, while I was thinking pseudo supervisor wasn't going to show up, she did and she called me to say that she was running late.  Still, we got to talk a lot about his Disneyland trip with the GV dopes.  To boil it down, he had some fun going on some of the rides.  But, as Disneyland is a place that can reveal people's true selves, he said that Snow and Shay ain't right.  We already knew that, but it's like a final, final confirmation.  Snow is all about appearances.  And Shay is all about yapping.  They make a cute couple.  Ha!

It felt strange to me that none of those dopes posted anything on social media.  And then Shay goes ahead and does it today (pictured above).  I wonder if anyone will mention going to me tomorrow at work.  I seriously doubt it.  What my buddy and I tried to figure out was why wasn't I invited this time.  I was invited the last time, when they postponed it.  My buddy did mention that they used the excuse that I was working.  But, I did tell Snow that I COULD go after work.  Whatever.  At the end of the day I really didn't want to hang out with those dopes outside of work.  I have my annual pass and I can go any time I want.  So they can take their future invites and shove them.

I went over to TheGirl's after work and found her cleaning off a wound on her dog because it had been bitten by two dogs on the path.  Some idiot woman lost her grip on her dog's leashes and the dogs went straight for TheGirl and Cheyenne.  Cheyenne defended herself, but definitely took some damage.  I found a wound that turned out to be a puncture from a bite.  The poor dog.  TheGirl was super worried.  She was not just worried, she was upset.  At one point she said to me, "I couldn't even protect my own dog."  Ah, I told her, no.  Don't say such things.  She's planning on walking with a stick.  In case this happens again, she can beat off the dogs with said stick.  Poor puppy.  The wound on her cheek was pretty nasty.  TheGirl didn't see it, until I pointed it out to her.  That was probably the worst of the wounds she suffered in the fight.

Tue Oct 18, I went into work this morning and the guy at the parking garage asked if I could park the van in a different parking spot.  I said it would be OK, but that I had to run it by my boss.  I didn't run it through Les, and not just because he wasn't at work today.  Mainly because I know that telling him anything is useless.  Just like he is useless.

I show up and I notice that there are a lot of bins left over from yesterday.  They haven't been sorted.  I looked at what was going out today and there weren't that many bins.  This means someone didn't do their job and didn't sort the bins from yesterday's delivery.  Which means I have a light day, but also that my buddy tomorrow will have a fucking horrible day.  This is all Jeff's doing.  He has plenty of time during the day to sort these bins.  But, I know that he dicks around and doesn't do his job.  This is why I only had a handful of bins to deliver today.  It makes for an easy route for me, but at the same time it means that tomorrow's route is going be a fucking mess.

I felt so fucking tired today.  I knew that when I got to Brand I would take the maximum amount of time I allow myself to rest... an hour.  I needed that rest more than anything.  This sort of having to need the rest the next day after going to be late the previous night has to stop.  It's killing me, I'm sure.  Even the long nap at Brand might have felt good, but it is likely killing me.

When I got back from the route I noticed that there were a ton of bins for the next day's run.  I felt bad not only because my buddy would be driving, because he's a good guy.  But of course if anyone else was driving.  I took it upon myself to get a bunch of bins and take them to Casa in order to lessen the load that my buddy would have to deal with tomorrow.  Of course Casa wasn't expecting me.  I found out later that Shay wasn't happy that I made a special delivery to Casa.  Well sorry, dopey.  The people at my Glendale job are some of the worst people I've ever met in my life.

Wed Oct 19, The big fundraiser is done, but the work isn't.  Today a volunteer came in to help pseudo supervisor, which meant they needed to use my desk.  That meant I was exiled.  I had to use the reference desk to access my computer.  This meant I couldn't do all the work I was supposed to do.

Since I couldn't work on my desk today I went to the reference desk and sat next to TheLamp to do my work.  I hate to say it, but I am attracted to TheLamp in nearly every way.  I like her dark features.  She has a nice figure, which I saw a little more of today.  And look at how neat she writes her slashes on the paper we keep a track on our reference questions.  We talked briefly about photography, since I was looking at some of the photos from past fundraisers.  I think she's a female version of me.  Course, that doesn't mean she will be interested in me in any way.  With LM I knew right away she was attracted to me.  With TheLamp I got that vibe on Saturday, but not today.  I suppose time will tell.  Still, for my part I like this girl.

TheGirl and I went to dinner at the Counter, because she had a coupon for a two for one deal.  I had the chicken sandwich, which I like more than their burgers.  After dinner we went back to her place where she cuddled up with Chan.  Hims a good monkey.

Thu Oct 20, I went into the library today and sure enough just in the last couple of days the amount of tables in the dock has grown.  So yes, the dock will probably never again house the delivery van.  Terrible.

When I went into work today I wanted to really concentrate on laying low and not talking to anyone while on the route.  I'm tired of all these fools, and really I just want to go in there and be left alone.  I could maybe still talk to Gen page, but that's pretty much it.  I really put that thought to practice today.  I told my buddy that I wanted to come in and out and have people ask if I delivered the books, and then they would notice the books there.  Yeah, like a theft in the night.  Ha!  The purpose of all this is to detached myself from those idiots that I work with.  None of them are worth shit, and I really want to pick and choose who I talk to.  I won't just talk to anyone any more.

A good example is Casa and GV today.  At Casa they were still "celebrating" Kayvon's impending doom, I mean child.  Two people there told me there was food to eat, but I just said I had just eaten and I was full.  Which is true, because I HAD just had lunch, and I was full.  Still, the real reason is I don't want to spend time socializing with these dopes.  Let them celebrate, I have to work.  And I mean do actual work.  Not just sit around and get paid for it.  I was in and out of Casa in about two or three minutes.  Tops.  At GV I was in and out in about 2 minutes.  In that place I was avoiding Snow.  I feel that if she didn't talk to me today about Disneyland and her not inviting me that the door was now shut and it's all in the past.  Anything said about this in the future is now purely academic.  Not that I was super thrilled with hanging out with those dopes.  However, to invite and then not invite me is rude.  And it shows what Snow is in her core.  She may have people fooled, but she isn't a good or nice person.  She does nice things because she feels she has to, but not because she feels like she should.  Fuck her.

The best perk to submarine mode is having more time to chill on the grass at Brand.  I walked into Brand and didn't say hi to anyone.  Least of all the manager there that almost NEVER says hi to me.  Of course I was standing three feet from here when I arrived and she didn't say anything.  But then when I was outside she comes out shouting my name in order to give me a piece of interdepartmental mail.  Fucking dope.

I took my nap at Brand and it was wonderful.  It was warm today, so the shade really felt great.  It was so nice.

My last two stops I rushed through as well.  I did chill a little longer at Pacific, because I was talking to Salbi.  I've said things about her here before, but I'll just repeat that she is so nice, so pretty, and so sexy.  She was asking me about food and I REALLY just wanted to ask if she wanted to have dinner at a couple of the places she was talking about.  One was very romantic.  Yeah, kissing her would be wonderful.

My buddy told me that yesterday Maleficent was on the elevator with him and asked what he thought about having Saturday delivery.  So when Les asked me about how long it takes to go to Pasadena and city hall in the mornings I naturally figured that what was to follow was a question of Saturday deliveries.  But no.  The question was asked in order to figure out the timing of some cocksucking special deliver where one of the drivers would pick a librarian up at one of the branches, and deliver her and a little library to a school up in La Cresenta.  Fucking bullshit!  I wanted to spit.  This special delivery should be done by someone else, not us.  I know everyone wants to use us as their own personal delivery service.  But we are not.  However, of course Les would never think to tell this librarian to take a leap.  I assume that this delivery will happen next week, but who knows at this point.  I hope me telling Les that it's less than ideal for us to do this while on the route will keep us from doing this.  However, knowing what I know it will be my assignment on Tuesday or Thursday.  Fucking bullshit!

Fri Oct 21, And the day FINALLY arrived for the trip to Carmel.  TheGirl asked me to basically play escort and tour guide for her and her daughter to go up to Carmel and Big Sur.  I was happy to do it, since it meant me getting out of Dodge for a few days.  We started relatively early.  TheGirl borrowed TheHusband's car, because it's much bigger than her car.  She wanted to go up in a bigger car because we not only had her daughter in tow, but her dog Cheyenne.  Oh, and of course Chan was going too.  Can't leave the monkey at home.

TheGirl had plans of us starting off early and then eating breakfast in Santa Maria.  But by the time we reached Santa Barbara her daughter was already hungry.  So was I, for that matter.  We stopped in Solvang to have breakfast.  I suggested the place where I went when I last went up to Solvang, and it was damn yummy.

We wanted to make good time so we eat and carried on.  We stopped off in SLO to top off the tank of the big car and continued until we reached Morro Bay.  We took a short walk and to the pier to take some pictures and got back on the road.

We continued until we reached Cambria, where we took a bathroom break.  Cambria is such a nice town, but we didn't spend much time here.  TheGirl wanted her daughter to see Moonstone beach, but there wasn't enough time.  She said that we had to hit it on the way back home.  We HAD to stop at McWay falls, and we did.  TheGirl couldn't go see it because no dogs are allowed on the trail leading to the view.

The last big stop before pushing on to the hotel was Bixby bridge.  Not going to lie, it's a wonder to see.  Something about bridges fascinate people.  I think this one is interesting because it is beautiful and breathtaking.

We arrived in Carmel a little after 6pm.  We settled in and rested for a tiny bit.  But really with the settling in it became close to dinner time.  TheGirl made reservations at "our place" for 7pm.  I call it our place because any time we have gone up to Carmel/Big Sur we have eaten there.  Even on the trips I take by myself I've had dinner there at least one night of my trip.

Dinner really hit the spot.  But what really hit the spot was the margaritas.  When we arrived at the hotel I took my things out and also took a couple of shots of whiskey.  So by the time we arrived at dinner I was feeling nice and toasty.  Oh, and the food was good too.  We retired to our room and rested, because tomorrow is going to be a full day.

Sat Oct 22, Here's a picture of Chan as we walked out of the room to get our day started.  I knew from the start that today was going to be a good long and fun day.

Our first stop was breakfast at First Awakenings in Pacific Grove.  I had my now usual, chicken fried steak.  It really hit the spot, but I couldn't eat all of my food.  These days I don't eat big breakfasts any more.  I'm not that hungry when I wake up.  During mid day yes, but not in the morning.  We finished breakfast and then went for a little walk down the Pacific Grove coast.  It's so pretty there.

Our first real stop today was 17 Mile Drive.  We hit the hot spots, but this is when I was starting to feel low on energy.  I thought it was a food coma thing happening, but I never bounced back.  Still, we stopped at all the hot spots.  Chan even posed for the photo above.  I was so tired throughout 17 Mile drive that at one point I didn't even want to get out of the car.  I championed through because I was the pseudo tour guide.

I was getting hungry, so I suggested we get some sandwiches from one of the best shops in Monterey.  So, we went, bought some sandwiches and took them to a nice little park I discovered a few trips back.  It's just so nice, and there never seems to be anyone there.  Sure enough, there wasn't anyone there except one guy with a metal detector.  TheGirl split a sandwich with her daughter, but she didn't get one of the good sandwiches.  Shame.  Compagnos has some damn fine sandwiches.

TheGirl's daughter wanted to go to Cannery Row, which is a waste of time as far as I'm concerned.  It's just a tourist trap.  What we ended up doing was better.  We ended up walking around Pacific Grove.  We walked by this quaint little garden shop that was so cute and neat.  I immediately wanted my back yard to look like this shop.  Thankfully we never went to Cannery Row.

We had to use the restroom and not having any other options I told TheGirl that we could go use the ones at the library, which was only a few blocks away from where we parked.  Sure enough, we reached the library and used the restroom.  I checked out the little library, which was like everything in this town, quaint.

We returned to Carmel to get to the Coach store.  TheGirl wanted to get some sunglasses there, but she ended up not buying anything, because they didn't have the style she wanted.  I didn't want to get off the couches there, though the little booze I had back in our room did give me a Popeye moment.  Like after he eats spinach he gets strong, that's how booze works with me.

I told TheGirl that I wanted to go down to the beach to check out the sunset.  Sure enough, they finished up their shopping and we went down to the beach to enjoy a lovely sunset.  Yeah, they are cliches at this point... but I do love a good sunset.  When I'm gone perhaps some day someone will see the picture above and know that I was there to record it.  And that it was beautiful.

Following sunset we went to dinner at the place TheGirl and I always go when we are in Carmel, Club Jalapeno.  I wasn't too hungry since I had half that huge sandwich earlier in the day.  The margaritas hit the spot though.  Lovely booze made me feel better during this trip.

Sun Oct 23, I'm not sure what it was this weekend, but I was tired the entire time.  We woke up and the ladies showered.  I stayed in bed until I HAD to get out of bed.  But boy, I didn't have the energy to get going.  I finally did shower and we were on our way.  However, I never got my legs under me today, so to speak.  Our first stop was Big Sur River Inn for breakfast.  Because of the dog we couldn't eat inside the restaurant, or on their patio.  We had to eat outside in some other patio area where you can't see the river.  That was fine, I just wanted to get home.  I felt super tired.  We ate and we went down to the river, where I found a chair and just sat there while the ladies took pictures with Cheyenne.  That's where I sat and just contemplated this trip.

Just before we left the River Inn I took a picture with Cheyenne.  This dog has been a good influence on me.  It has shown me love like no person has.  I'm really invested in what happened to this dog now.

Our last stop before home was Moonstone Beach.  TheGirl couldn't go on the beach because of the dog, so she took it for a walk while I waited on a bench.  I didn't have the energy to go down to the beach.  Matter of fact, I didn't have the energy to stay up during the drive back.  I must have slept for about 1/3rd of the drive home.  Perhaps even as much as half.  For some reason I was just tired.  It's not like I stayed up so late, or did so much.  I didn't even drive.  When I've gone up on other trips to Carmel and/or Big Sur I haven't felt this tired.  If I was doing the driving today I wouldn't have made it.

All in all the trip was great.  It was great to get away for a couple of days and not have to drive up there.  It was way too short a time to be away, but I have work tomorrow and there are things that need to be done.  Also, the way I felt, so tired, I couldn't have done another day if you paid me to.  I just didn't have anything left in the tank.  But, within a month I'll be going up there again.  This time alone.  Well, with Chan only.  It would be nice to possibly meet up with my friend Nicole from CSUN who texted me this weekend to ask when I might go up there.  She's still with her guy friend, so no way it's going to mean that I get some romance going.  Still, it would be nice to see her again.  For now, I'm going to sleep early today and hope to get some rest.

Mon Oct 24, Today it was back to the grind.  And of course it started with traffic on the freeway.  Some accident happened on the 134 and of course it slowed traffic to a crawl.  It took me more than a half hour to get to the accident.  After that it was clear sailing.  I wasn't surprised since I knew today would be about paying wages for my good time this weekend.

I'm happy to report that the tired feeling I felt the last two days has lifted.  Which seems to indicate that I got it during my trip because of my trip.  It's not like I was so active as to get me all that tired.  But, for some reason I was just feeling really down this weekend.  I didn't have a lot of work at work, thankfully.  It was a pretty chill day, and that's what I needed on my first day back at work.  Not much else to report.

Last night before going to bed Talia texted me that she had a new "Jim Morrison" belt.  Not knowing what that was I humored her and said that I would have to see it then next time we hang out.  To that she sent me the above photo of her wearing nothing but the belt.

As much as Talia is unappealing she's also the only woman I know that currently wants to sleep with me.  She might be the only woman for the rest of my life that will ever want to sleep with me.  That's beyond sad.  But those I desire are out of my "reach," and don't want anything to do with me.  That's also pretty damn sad.

Tue Oct 25, I get to work and a bunch of bins are still not done.  Later Jeff told me that he didn't work on Friday so that's why the bins weren't finished.  I'm sorry, but that amount of bins should be sorted in about an hour.  I know, I used to do it.  The ones that say branches already have the tags to sort into the bins.  So there's no need to check them in again.  But yeah, he's shady.  I know he works in a sauna, so for that I do feel for him.  But he really is slow.  And then what happens is that my delivery loads are either super light or heavy (like today).  That really sucks because they can be a little more consistent.  Whatever, I can't do anything about him.  He's too deeply entrenched.

On a side note, I want you to notice the color temperature of the photo above.  I didn't correct the color because I wanted to show what the color looks like to my eyes in the stacks.  I have to say that the color seems all wrong.  It's too warm.  I'll have to check, but it feels wrong that the lights are in that range of temperature.

I wondered today while driving back from Pasadena why I have been feeling so down and tired lately.  I wondered to myself if I was suffering from the effects of drinking nearly every night.  Since I'm no doctor of course I can't know for sure.  But then why was I in such a funk on the trip?  I didn't even drive up there, and yet I was completely exhausted.  In any case I told myself that I need to cut down on the drinking.  It's become a habit and not always just a nice little thing to do.  For now I'm going to limit myself to Wednesday when I have dinner with TheGirl and perhaps Saturday night.  If I feel better I'll know it was the booze.  If not, then I'll have to figure out what is causing this constant feeling of being tired.

When I came back from Pasadena to home base a couple of my coworkers were telling me to go check out the main reading room, because the big top tent was down now.  Sure enough, the tent that has dominated that space for so many months is now gone.  This let in so much light into the room that I could see things pretty clearly.  I say pretty because all he dust in the air still clouds my view.  On the left in the picture you can see the new elevator being worked on.  One can see the progress they are making in the building.  Too bad the people working there haven't seen any progress.

Which brings me to Kayvon, TheDesire's former fiance and now just coworker with a new baby on the way.  We had a little talk at Casa today.  While we talked he told me to check out a patron that was sitting in the new "study area," and said she had a great ass.  The poor guy is losing it.  Here he is only a few weeks away from having a baby girl and he's checking out women.  I guess it's human nature to want what you can't have.  TheDesire was there, but I tried not to interact with her too much.  She did look lovely, as always.  But talk about wanting something you can't have... that's my story with TheDesire in spades.  I feel for Kayvon because he seems like a good guy at times.  But then he's flawed like everyone else in that place (including me).  We're all socially awkward and in the prisons of our own making.  For him it's now having a wife and child and wondering if they are moving him out.  For me, it's being stuck in a job that I'm overqualified for now and hanging on to hope that TheDesire would give me a chance and passing on other opportunities because of that hope.  Dumb.

I got home and ate a little and then passed out.  I need the rest.  I woke up briefly and heard my aunt on FaceTime with my family in Mexico.  It's her birthday today.  I got her a card and put $50 in it.  I didn't know what else to give her.  I figured money is every green, and she can use it.  If I only had more.

Wed Oct 26, I saw TheLamp today and her butt was so in my face.  Can't lie, I find her to be attractive.  But of course.  Why wouldn't she be this attractive and lovely and wonderful woman that just happens to land where I work in order to mock me because I don't have a chance with her.  Even if she is single, she's also my direct supervisor.  How would THAT look if we started sleeping together.  I don't think I'm so great that she will be so turned on that she will be willing to put her career in jeopardy just to sleep with me.  I know I wouldn't do that.  Still, I am attracted to her.

Dinner with TheGirl tonight was all about making plans for the future.  Saturday we're going to the Bowl, so we had to figure out what we were going to do as far as eating and drinking that night.  Also, TheGirl brought up that she wants to go back to Carmel in February.  Sounds good to me.  I would like to go for more than just a weekend, having at least two full days up there.  But I don't see that happening.  I still haven't told her about my trip up there in November.  It's really none of her business.  I was talking to my CSUN friend Nic the other night.  She says she wants to possibly meet me in Carmel.  She's never been to Big Sur, and she wants to visit it.  I would love to play tour guide to her.  Of course she's pretty attached to her fella.  But, she didn't mention him in our chat.  Perhaps she wants to go alone.  I'm OK with that.  We shall see.  I still have this crazy notion that I would go up to SF on one of my vacation days.  It's a long haul, and I really don't think it's worth it since I'd spend so much time driving.  We shall see though.

Thu Oct 27, I went into work and saw that there weren't too many bins to deliver today.  The branches that last week had over a dozen bins each didn't have that between them today.  Not sure what it is, but the guy who is basically circulation these days doesn't always do the work.  However, I didn't see that many left over bins to be sorted, so I guess this was it as far as books.  I'm OK with that.  I went to Pasadena and the same thing, not too many books today.  Again, I'm OK with that.

I was running so fast today that everyone was telling me that I was early.  I was so early that I was at Brand by noon, and I took an extra long break to make up for the fact that I didn't take a break on Tuesday.  Because Tuesday was busy.  It was so nice to just chill after breaking my neck to get things done on Tuesday.

My coworker SalKay is so pretty.  Vagabundo and I wonder if SalKay is single.  I can't believe that someone so wonderful isn't attached.  We don't have any evidence either way.  Today SalKay looked so fucking good.  We talked about food, which makes her all the more attractive.  As far as attractive she is so pretty and sexy at the same time.  *sigh*

I texted LM today since it's the seventh year anniversary of us first being intimate.  I wasn't sure if I was going to bring that fact up to her if I contacted her, but when I first texted her I just wanted to say hi.  We then stared a nice little conversation that lasted until I got off work.  During one point she sent me the above text.  LM has thrown some signs out that she misses me.  Misses the time we had way back when.  I must say, at least initially, she and I were sexually compatible.  Later I found that we weren't compatible personality wise.  But, I think that's because I then became interested in TheGirl.  Still, I do love LM for the fact that she just got me.  She was interested in me and went for it.  And yeah, the times when we were just hanging out, be it walking around her neighborhood, or around Pasadena making out every ten feet, they were all good times.  Can't deny that.  Wouldn't it have been nice if it had worked out between LM and me.  It didn't though.

During our text exchange I finally told LM that today was the seventh anniversary of us being intimate.  She could not believe it had been seven years.  That was a really great night.  LM was passionate.  From the moment we met I knew she was attracted to me, because she basically said so.  It was inevitable that we were going to sleep together.  And we did that fateful night when my car broke down and she offered to drive me to the bus stop.  She felt so bad about me taking three hours to get home that she decided to drive me home.  And then we kissed and that was it.  The rest is history.

After clocking out I went on to the main floor of the library and looked around the construction site.  There are so many changes coming to this part of the library.  They're really throwing everything they have at this to meet the deadline.  One of the administration people did say that the contractor does face penalties if they don't finish on time.  Makes sense.  And that means that the idea of closing the library wasn't all on Maleficent.  It was likely made by higher city officials that want to give the contractor all the room to finish they needed.  There's still SO much to be done, but I can say that there is progress.  Too bad the look of the library will change, but not the dummies that run it.

Fri Oct 28, When I got on the road to go to work it was raining.  Not terribly hard, but enough to make people drive more like idiots.  No one ever slows down.  People aren't right.  But, by the time I got to Pasadena the ground was dry.  By the time I reached San Marino the sun was trying to come out.  Actually, I don't think it rained the rest of the day.  I just hope it doesn't rain tomorrow night.

Work started off relatively easy, but then it was really busy.  H wanted me to finish up that poster we have been working on for WEEKS.  It's because we're almost never at work at the same time.  Or, I get swamped with other things to do.  Like today there was a quiet moment when H called that they needed help at the circulation desk.  As soon as I hung up the phone three people came up to the reference desk to ask questions.  It was as if they were waiting around the desk for me to be needed somewhere else and they pounced.  It was so not right.  I never got to help the circulation people.  And then there was me trying to work on the poster.  I have the file on my personal computer, the one I'm writing this very journal on.  Every time I would flip open the laptop a patron would sneak up, and I do mean sneak up, around the desk and ask me for help.  It's not like I don't want to help these people.  I do.  But I really just want to get this poster project off my plate already.  I don't want to deal with it any more.  I have come to not like this poster project at all.  I just want to be done with it.  Really.  I'm through.

My aunt asked me to go get some stuff at the 99 cent store earlier this week.  But yesterday I was more interested in getting my hair cut than anything else.  And since I was tired I went home instead of going to the store after the haircut.  So I figured I best get this errand done today after work.  But it seemed like every asshole idiot was in my path today.  First dopes drove so bad in front of me at every turn.  I was cut off countless times between work and the market.  And then in the parking lot everyone was just clustered up.  I couldn't take it.  I then went to the store, and found more dummies.  I had something to eat and some dope was standing in front of the soda machine drinking his topped off cup.  Ah, get out of my fucking way, I wanted to tell him.  And that was the theme.  Everyone was more interested in cutting me off and me first than being a human being.  Because of that my little couple of errands turned into moments of stress.  I joked to my buddy that if he heard I had a heart attack that he shouldn't be surprised.  It was fucked up to the Nth degree.  Everyone can just suck it.  All I wanted to do is get home and lock myself in my room.

You know, life is interesting.  I was looking ahead just now as I write this journal in anticipation of posting this thing on Monday night.  I usually want to get as much of this done before the night I upload this page online, because there can be last minute things that prevent me from finishing up.  It doesn't happen often, but it does happen from time to time.  Just now I finished up the above paragraph and then thought about writing the wrap-up portion of the journal entry that gives this month a grade and looks back on it.  You know, this was an interesting month, because of the diversity of the things that happened.  I went to Carmel with TheGirl and her daughter.  Never thought that would happen.  The big fundraiser finally happened, and I can put it to rest for another year.  And then there's the flirting with LM online.  And the night of drinking followed by the night of walking around Glendale.  That was a night that I won't soon forget for it's long reaching ramifications.  Some of which haven't even come to surface yet.  But I do know that I'm definitely ready for November, and the Carmel trip therein.

Sat Oct 29, I was able to sleep in this morning, and it was grand. My aunt left with my cousin to go visit my Godmother, so that meant I had the house to myself this morning. Oh it was nice to just be alone in the house. I got ready for tonight and went to work for a couple of hours. I did this because I first had to run some errands, and because when my cousin asked if I was going to work today I said yes. I obviously use work as a shield to not have to deal with people. I ran my errands, and then went to into work to clean up of my desk since it's been a mess for a while.

I had never had dinner at Miceli's in Universal city.  I don't know how many times I've driven by that place wondering if I would ever have a meal there.  When TheGirl suggested it I was eager to try it out after all these years.  Well, now I have and I can say that's off the list of things I needed to do.  I very likely won't ever go back.  Not that the food was so terrible.  It was more that it was meh.  I had the lasagna and it was kinda OK.  I've had lasagna from the supermarket that tasted way better than this stuff.  The bread rolls weren't even garlic.  I mean what gives?  Also, I ordered a Manhattan at the bar before we were seated and the bartender made it with ice, and it was so weak.  I mean come on.  I took the balance of my food home, because I'm sure not going to throw it away after paying for it.  However, I know that I won't be back to Miceli's any time soon.  The place is quaint though.  I did like the surroundings, but just not the food.

And then it was time to go to the bowl for the show.  We got on the bus after stupid me forgot my camera, which was mute since they didn't allow me to bring it into the bowl.  I had to leave it at will call.  Dumb.  We got on and I noticed the couple in front of me looking at their tickets and noticing that it said no glass, meaning no glass bottles.  I told TheGirl that we would have to drink the wine BEFORE we went into the bowl.  ARGH!  But, it was all worth it once we got in.  There was talk of rain today, but it never materialized.  If anything it was human and not cold, as expected.  What can I say about the show, it was damn cool.  All the songs were sung live by the people who sang them on the film.  Then at the end of the night Elfman sang one of his songs from his band Oingo Boingo called "Dead Man's Party."  Quite apropos.  It wasn't quite as we expected it to be tonight, but it turned out to be a awesome night.  Can't wait till next year's visit to the bowl.

As I've probably said before, there's something magical about the bowl.  It wasn't a summer night, but it was warm and pleasant.  When the turn down the lights and the illumination comes from outside the bowl it gives the place an eerie but wonderful look.  I could see the Hollywood sign from my seat, something I had never seen from there.  There are people I talk to that have still never been to the Hollywood Bowl, and that's a shame.  The whole thing is such a unique experience, and something that I love about living in this city.  In short, I do love going to the bowl.

Sun Oct 30, I do like sleeping in, and today I got to do it.  It's so rare that I get to sleep in.  It's only twenty-four days until Thanksgiving and my trip up to Carmel.  I'm wondering what to do when I get there, but I did have some time to get some exploring online to see what I might do in say Santa Cruz.  We shall see.

Work was work.  I was invited to go to dinner by a friend/patron that I've gone to dinner with before.  This time it was an old school steak house up in La Cresenta called Taylor's.  We ordered the prime rib, splitting a portion.  As you can see from the picture the half was pretty big.  We ate and chatted about pretty much everything.

I ordered a Manhattan, and it was pretty good.  Also inexpensive, only $8.50.  That's a good price for a Manhattan.  I was in a good place.  The actual taste of the prime rib was just good.  Nothing SO incredible as I might have expected, but good.  For the price it should be much more flavorful.  But, maybe my taste buds have died.  If they have, that's going to suck.  They can't be totally dead.  What about the other food I have that's SO flavorful?  Like that last meal with TheDesire at Little Pine.  That was some flavorful food.  Oh well.  It's good to take Taylor's off my food "bucket list."

Mon Oct 31, I woke up and Glendale was texting me saying that the new guy wasn't feeling well and wondering if I could come in.  Of course I can't, because I'm working at San Marino.  I quickly texted my buddy that they would likely text him.  You would have thought that they would have texted him within moments from my response that I couldn't go to work.  But he later told me that they didn't text him for nearly fifteen minutes.  No idea why it took them so long.  Thankfully, because I gave my buddy the head's up, he was already getting ready and making arrangements when they finally contacted him.  What a bunch of dopes.  San Marino was good.  I have my assignments for the next few months now.  It's a lot of work, but I'm up to it.  I hope.

Today being Halloween some of my coworkers dressed up.  TheLamp dressed in a catsuit thing, but with a skirt.  She looked nice.  I think she has nice legs.  Pseudo supervisor asked me if I was looking for a girl to date.  When I said yes I wondered if she was going to say something about TheLamp.  After an initial thought that TheLamp might be interested in me, I now think I read her wrong.  She doesn't seem interested in me.  Oh well.  I still think she looks nice.

TheGirl was down today, because she was told that she didn't get the last job she went out for.  She told me, "I going to quit looking for a new job."  And she was repeating something she says all the time, that she hates her commute.  It's fucking horrible, but we all gotta eat.  I wish I could help her out in some way.  Alas, I don't have the resources.

My buddy and I decided to get out of town for a day and ended up trekking to Knapp's Castle to take some pictures.  It wasn't a long hike, but it make us hungry.  We took a short drive to the Cold Spring Tavern, which is just off the 154 highway north of Santa Barbara on what used to be a stagecoach road.  Before eating we walked around and behind the tavern and found the old jail, which was basically fifteen feet by ten feet and split in two.  Not great accommodations, but I think the sign makes for a cool picture.

Continuing from the last entry, on the same day trip that my buddy and I went to Knapp's Castle and then Cold Spring Tavern we also went to get ice cream.  We ended up walking there from downtown and I found this apartment building interesting.  I think it was the windows and that lovely name.

I went with my buddy Dane to have something I hadn't had in a LONG time... Mrs. Knott's fried chicken at Knott's Berry Farm.  The last time I went was several years ago, and since then they renovated the entire place.  The restaurant was fixed up nice, I'll say that.  And the chicken is still super tasty.  They sure do serve a LOT of food.  I barely made a dent into my meal, concentrating on eating my salad and soup before digging into the chicken.  I knew that I could take the chicken home.  Still, it was A LOT of food.

I had not been to Disneyland since May when I took this picture back in the middle of September.  But of course I HAD to buy one of my favorite things to eat at Disneyland... a Dole Whip!  But not JUST the whip, but a float.  Oh it was so good.  I have missed you, Dole Whip.

Taken on Oct 6, 2015, the night I went to see Beethoven's Ninth with TheDesire.  I'm not sure what could top this day last year.  The music was incredible, and moved me emotionally.  It was like a spiritual moment.  It really was.  Having TheDesire go with me added to the night's pleasures, even if it was only as a friend.

Taken on Oct 11, 2015, while driving up to San Simeon for the weekend.  I picked up a sandwich in San Luis Obispo and drove out to Morro Bay to eat it.  I brought Chan along as my travel companion, and here he is sitting on the bench.  In the distance you can kinda see Morro rock.

Taken on Dec 4, 2009, at CSUN.  When I was going to school at CSUN I met up with a guy named Wayne, that later gave me a job at the library.  He used to sit under a tree by the library.  After a really bad storm we returned to campus to see that Wayne's tree had been toppled by the storm.  It was a sad moment, but it didn't keep him from sitting in that same spot.  Thankfully there were two other trees that flanked this one that provided shade.  Still, that middle tree was now gone.