I have been ready for April to end.  Now, it's in the history books.  Good riddance.

Fri April 1, I had plans last week to go to the Getty center to check out the Robert Mapplethorpe exhibit, but those plans were preempted by me having to go to work to get some things done for the boss.  Since next week I start my one week one, one week off, on Fridays, I figured that I best get myself to the Getty center.  Also, I made plans with ThrGirl to have lunch.  I figured that I could kill two birds with one stone by killing time before lunch by checking out the Getty.

In the past, when I have gone to the Getty Center, the photography exhibits I look forward to seeing have been relegated to one small room in the West pavilion.  I joked with TheDesire the other night that the good exhibits have been placed in the corner.  The last time there was a Mapplethorpe exhibit at the Getty it was in a small room.  Thankfully this time the exhibit was in the big room.  Mind you, it shaded some of that space with a sub-exhibit of collected photographs by a lover of Mapplethorpe.  Those photos represent some of the most memorable photos in the history of photography.  However, I was happy to see that Mapplethorpe was in the "Big" room.

Years ago, when I went to the Ansel Adams' exhibit at LACMA, I had what I can only describe as a "religious experience" in front of one of my favorite photos by Adams, Moonrise over Hernandez New Mexico.  Today I had that same type of moment in front of Mapplethorpe's calla lily photo.  It is among the most perfect photos I've been privileged to see in person.  I could not contain myself.  I openly cried.  I aspire to one day create something close to that beauty.

After the Mapplethorpe exhibit I figured I would kill some time before heading down to meet up with TheGirl.  I toured the gardens and tested out my meter app on my iTouch.  It didn't seem to be giving me good exposure settings today.  However, when I arrived at home I double checked the photos and they looked good.  I think they just looked bad because I was seeing them outside, and the screen on the camera didn't really let me see the photos correctly.

The other night TheDesire was telling me about her negative inertia when it comes to going out and doing anything, such as going to the museum.  Since I mentioned how the good photo exhibits don't always make it to the big room, I figured that since Mapplethorpe had made it to the big room that I would text TheDesire about that fact.  What followed is seen above, and can only be described as her thinking I was inviting her to see the exhibit.  As you can see from my response, I didn't address that.  I was not inviting her.  For what?  I invited her to check it out for herself, if anything.  As much as I still enjoy talking to TheDesire, and looking at her, to start hanging out with her again would be futile.  Though, I did predict that I would meet her parents, so that does mean that at some point we have to hang out.  Hmm.  Either way, now she thinks I'm inviting her to the Getty.

Today's main event was a lunch with TheGirl.  After the Getty I drove down to Santa Monica where I picked up TheGirl.  The both of us drove down to the other side of the airport to the Spitfire Grill.  The reviews online were semi-positive, so I hoped that the food was better than the reviews.  I ordered fish & chips, and they were really good.  I especially liked the tartar sauce.  TheGirl and I talked mostly about a possible trip to Carmel in September.  She wants to go with me and her daughter and her dog.  Her puppy coming along complicates matters, from where we can go to where we can stay.  I offered up Carmel as a place we could stay, because they are a very dog friendly city.  It isn't unusual for dogs to dine with their owners at restaurants in Carmel.  TheGirl said she had looked into some places, and the prices were high.  I looked and found to be higher than what I paid, but I was traveling with just Chan, and no dog.  I told her to look again.  As I write this I think about the timing of all this.  I think she may want to go during the labor day weekend.  In that case I need to know that I can go then.  I'll have to check my calendar.  Still, it will be fun.

I believe I mentioned how I broke my phone's screen on Thursday in frustration with the screen not responding.  I tried to get an appointment at the Apple Store, but most of the appointments weren't for several days, and I can't wait that long.  I decided that since I still had the better part of the day leftover after having lunch with TheGirl I would use that time to go and have Apple fix my phone.  Roni was having a crisis de jour, and she asked me if I was too busy to talk.  I told her how I was at the Apple Store and she came by to accompany me while I waited the two hours they said the stand-by time was.  Without her the time would have felt much longer.  Thankfully they fixed my phone, and Toni and I we're able to catch up.  She's in a bad place.  She's not happy in her marriage.  The details are too many to list here, but suffice to say she has a choice to make about whether she wants to remain married and bored.  I wish I could do more than just listen, but it's all I can do so I do it willingly and with the hopes that she will make up her mind to just be happy, no matter what path she chooses to take.

Sat April 2, I've had the privilege of having two computers for the last few years.  With the "death" of my MacBook last week I've had to adapt while I wait for my new computer.  Soon, so very soon my new MacBook Air will arrive.  I can't wait.

It wasn't MicroManager's Saturday to work, and she's on "vacation."  When she's not at work the job is much more bearable.  Never is it enjoyable, what with patrons acting really stupid these days.  Of course it's my luck that MicroManager happens to work the same Saturday schedule that TheDesire works.  Why, why couldn't it be the opposite?  One of the things we have difficulty with at the library is getting patrons to leave when it's time for the library to close.  I get it, some people don't have anywhere else to go.  They would stay there all night if we let them.  We employees HAVE to be there, but by the end of the work day we want nothing more than to go home and rest and prepare ourselves for another day of bullshit at work the next day.  This week Bundy asked me to help the security guard to remind people that the library was closing soon.  I was happy to do so.  At about fifteen minutes to closing I walked around and told everyone that we were closing in ten minutes.  At about eight minutes to six I turned off the main lights.  A sudden flood of people came up to the circulation desk.  We were able to get everyone out by 5pm.  I like this "get them out" move they had me do today.  I look forward to employing it next week.

Sun April 3, I don't have much to report from work today.  It was pretty standard, but not too busy.  A funny thing that happened today is when one of my coworkers showed me some of the names used as examples for the passport appointment book (above).

I had this idea that I would go to Disneyland after work tonight.  However, I plan on going next Tuesday, and I'm sure that the park was packed tonight since many schools have spring break this week.  By next week most schools will be back to regular session, and I won't have to deal with too many crowds.

Mon April 4, There wasn't much work for me today, despite the fact that pseudo supervisor asked me to get some things ready for the Foundation website.  It's such a boring task that I've been reluctant to really do much with it.  But, I had to do something.  However, there was also the matter of a patron coming in last Wednesday and asking me for some books on how to deal with other parents.  This patron has come in before, and I remembered her.  She's nice.  I went out and talked to my nice coworker, and asked her for some suggestions for this patron.  I ended up sitting out at the reference desk for nearly her entire shift.  LaFlor even commented, "You were there the entire four hours."  Which isn't true.  I was only out there three hours.  Ha!

My new MacBook Air finally arrived today!  The day was really going slow, until I looked outside while walking back to my office.  I could see the UPS truck outside, and because of that I doubled back to the front door.  Sure enough, the guy walked right into the library and I greeted him, already knowing that the contents of the small box he was carrying was for me.  I signed for the package and took it back to my office as quickly as possible.  And now, here I am, writing this sentence on my new computer.

After work I went to get me some dinner at Carl's Jr.  They had a new burger called the Midnight Moonshine burger.  It was OK.  It's basically just a regular burger with an extra amount of fried onions and some moonshine based sauce.  It wasn't bad, but it wasn't all that special.  I only ate that, since I don't want to eat too much food these days.  I am still trying to lose some weight by eating smaller portions.

After getting some food in my belly I went to TheGirl's place.  As I turned the corner I noticed that she was just leaving her place with her dog.  That meant that if I texted her I had just arrived she would feel bad and cut her dog walk short.  I didn't want that, so I quickly turned the car down an alley and drove down the street in order to let her walk down the street far enough that she wouldn't see that I arrived.  It work, and I sat in my car talking to my buddy on the phone until just a little after 7pm.  Then I texted TheGirl and went inside her place.  Once TheGirl showed up we briefly talked about a possible trip to Big Sur in September.  TheGirl wants to take her dog up to Big Sur.  I'm OK with that, because I really love Big Sur, and I want to go back there.  Time will tell if we actually get to go up to Big Sur in September.  What I do know is that if I go up to Carmel/Big Sur in September then that opens the door to going to San Francisco during Thanksgiving.

When I got my iPhone repaired I thought that they might give me a new one, like last time.  I backed everything up and hoped for the best.  They didn't give me a knew phone, but I discovered that the Instagram app updated things and I could now login to multiple accounts.  The only problem was linking Chan's account with his FB account, because the app automatically connects to the account on FB that my phone is currently logged in to.  That means it's logged into my account.  When I tried to post something for Chan's account it went ahead and posted on my account.  I didn't catch it until the next day, today.  The barn door had been opened, and my acquaintances and friends had already seen it, and were liking it.  Guess Chan is beloved by all.

Tue April 5, Every weekday my cousin's kids come over before going to school.  My cousin had the bright idea of having her girls attend the elementary school we did as children.  Only problem is that my cousin doesn't live in this neighborhood.  She went ahead and changed her address in order to be able to have her kids attend this school.  Not sure if it was nostalgia or what, but there it is.  My cousin doesn't bring them over, her husband does.  I think school starts around 8am, or a little after.  My cousin's husband used to bring the girls about twenty minutes before 8am.  That seemed reasonable.  These days, however, he's here with the girls at 7:15, 7:20am.  The girls come in, play and run around the house for nearly half an hour, and then the three for them go to school.  I have no idea why the girls are here so early.  It throws off my entire routine.  Case in point, pooping.  I usually have to poop in the morning, and that's great.  But the way my bathroom is any little noise that I make resonates and everyone in the house can hear it.  It makes me, frankly, poop shy.  Today I took a piss and as I was getting out of the bathroom I heard them coming in.  I quickly returned to the toilet and pooped.  I pooped super fast, and beat them before they could get settled inside the house.  I obviously don't begrudge them coming over.  As a matter of fact I think that this house needs the sound of children in it.  However, why show up nearly an hour before school starts, just to have the kids run around and get themselves worked up?  My aunt says that my cousin's husband brings them so early because he just wants to get out of the house to not hear the nagging.  Hey, I fucking understand that... in spades.

I ended up parking all the way down in B3, where there were no other cars today.  This isn't always so, however.  Other times I've parked there there have been only a couple of parking spots available.  Today there were plenty of spots.  I knew that at night I would be taking a nap in my car, and I like the idea that I was going to be secluded then.  The one idea that I don't like is the idea that if there's a really bad earthquake, and the structure collapses, I'm going to be buried under quite a few tons of concrete.

The route was pretty standard for a Tuesday, which means a lot of bins for one particular branch.  That branch always has issues with their delivery envelope.  They always wait until I'm leaving to hand it to me.  But, today I didn't go back to the desk after my lunch, because I didn't take my whole lunch period in the kitchen.  See, I like my alone time on the route.  When the local workers come into whatever kitchen I'm in I feel like they intrude on my lunch time.  I'm sure they feel like I'm sort of visitor, which I am.  I only get a little time to rest and relax.  Today was such a nice day that I ate and decided to take the second half of my lunch break and lay down in the grass under the shade of a tree.  It was wonderful.  Only thing is, I didn't go back to the front desk, because I just walked to the van from where I was.  After going to GV I get a text from the girl at Brand saying that I forgot the envelope.  Ah, no.  You forgot to give it to me.  I don't know why they can't include the fucking envelope with the fucking delivery.  NO, they have to hide it in a drawer, only to bring it out like a magic trick just as I'm leaving.  This me "forgetting" this envelope would not happen if they just left the envelope with the rest of the delivery items.  I don't understand why this is such an out of this world idea.

I walked into what used to be my favorite branch, because of Snow.  These days the bloom is off that flower, and GV is just another branch.  Though, I hate to say that Snow does look nice these days.  Her butt and hips still speak to me, even though she hardly does.  And then there's Shay, who has gained even more weight, the main consequence of this being that her boobs have become HUGE.  Not gonna lie, when she wears something that shows some cleavage I have to look.

When MicroManager is around she will give me only an hour for dinner.  That's been the story lately.  Tonight, I got a nice three hour dinner break.  Not ideal, but since I was tired it was nice to be able to eat at a slow pace, and then return to my car and rest.  It's just so nice to be able to do that.  The night shift was only two hours long tonight, and even then the night felt long.  But, thankfully the night was rather quiet.

Wed April 6, Because of my pseudo supervisor's new schedule I hardly see her any more.  Our paths only cross on Wednesdays.  This is mainly because she doesn't come in on Mondays any more.  I'm at the library the entire day on Mondays.  Believe me, I like that she isn't there on Mondays, and that I only see her once a week.  However, it does mean that once a week I get a bunch of work to do.  Today she wanted to touch base on the Foundation website, but a trio of posters she wanted me to print took the front seat.  I tried to get everything done, but I also had another assignment, given to me by the numbers guy in administration.  In short, it was a busy day.

Since it's my week to buy dinner I picked up some food from Zankou, as per TheGirl's request.  We chatted about a possible trip up to Big Sur in September.  She wants to drive up with her daughter and her dog and me.  The four of course would tour around some dog friendly spots.  Many of the parks in Big Sur are OK with dogs, but not in all locations within the park.  TheGirl said that she checked and supposedly dogs are only allowed in the parking lot.  I read something different though.  I'm sure there are plenty of things for us to do even with the dog in tow.  I know that Carmel is a dog friendly city, so there won't be any problems finding a place to eat.

I know that a place TheGirl and I ate on a previous trip called "Forge in the Forest" is so dog friendly that they even have a menu devoted to pets (dogs really, I seriously doubt any cat owners take their cats to dinner with them).  My plan is to just have a list of places that we can go to at the drop of a hat.  I know that we can go to Club Jalapeno, which is a place we traditionally go to every time we travel up to Carmel.  I know I've kept that tradition alive the last two times I've gone up there on my own.

Thu April 7, I woke up and got ready for work.  I had a little time to figure out this Photoshop thing on the new computer, so I opened the computer up and started to mess around with Photoshop.  I couldn't figure it out though.  When I looked up, it was getting late for work.  I got out of my desk chair and gathered my things and bolted.  It wasn't until I arrived at the parking structure at work and I noticed that I didn't have my wallet.  I felt so stupid.  I also felt naked, because I not only didn't have my ID, but I didn't have money.  Thankfully I had my lunch, so I didn't have to worry about eating.  I thought about driving the van out to my house to pick up my wallet.  After thinking that wasn't a good idea, I figure that I best just drive super safely today.  Thankfully none of the idiots that I encounter on the road were out today.  I felt like a damn fool for forgetting my wallet.

I stopped off for lunch at Brand.  Tuesday was so nice out that I ate and then went outside to the lawn in front of the library to just chill.  It was great.  Today, it was cold but I still ate and then sat outside on the lawn.  But, about ten minutes before my lunch hour was over I started to feel some drops of rain hitting me.  Nothing big at first, but they began to increase in frequency.  I finally went under a covering and that's when the rain really started to come down.  Not heavy, but steady.  Thankfully it didn't rain too hard during the rest of my route.  I think that from this point forward I will try to avoid people at my lunch hour.  Going out to the lawn worked out great, because I didn't have to deal with the foot traffic I usually have to deal with in the kitchen.  I just want to be left alone.

The loading zone in front of the library is a fucking mess.  The security guards don't help me out.  I mentioned how they were laughing at me last week.  This time there was once again more than one car in the loading area.  They are not supposed to be there more than three minutes at a time.  But some dopes park there, using it as a parking spot, because there aren't any in the parking lot.  I really wish these dopey security guards would enforce the three minute rule.  This one security guard, must have looked at my expression when I pulled up and came up to say, "Oh, that guy is only going to be a few minutes."  That's fucking WAY too long already.  He wasn't there for a few minutes, mind you.  I unloaded nearly half of the van in the time it took this idiot to finally get back into their car.  Then they just sat there for another ten minutes while I finished unloading the van.  It's not right.  But, I'm powerless to do anything about this.

I finally figured out why Photoshop was so slow.  To make a long story short, I didn't notice that the setting for the crop were in inches rather than pixels.  When I entered the number 550 I assumed it was pixels, but really it was inches.  At two-hundred dots per inch that would mean that I wasn't making the photo smaller, I was making the photo bigger.  At that resolution I was making the photo forty-five inches wide.  No wonder Photoshop was so slow.  After I corrected the problem and switched the resolution to pixels rather than inches the program worked like a charm.

Fri April 8, Today I started my one on, one off Friday rotation.  I never really worked Fridays at San Marino, mainly because I was always working Fridays at Glendale.  But since Glendale doesn't open on Fridays any more, I have that day off.  I was working at Grandview last year, but that had to stop because stupid MicroManager said I was going over my hours.  Whatever.  The drive to work included some rain, but nothing major.  It's Spring break for some kids in town, so the freeway traffic wasn't horrible.

Work was busy for the first couple of hours.  It wasn't until my coworker arrived at 1pm that things got a little easier.  No one was around to give me my break, until my coworker arrived.  In other words, nothing much happened at work today.  I have to say that I do like working at San Marino on Fridays, since I get off early.  But, then I can't go straight home, because my cousin's kids are still at home.

After work I ran a couple of errands in order to kill some time before going home.  I had this idea that after the errands I would eat something good.  Wrong.  I ended up going home and having an enchilada and some mac & cheese.  The meal filled my belly, but it really didn't satisfy me.  Before going home to eat I bought some salsa at the market made by Tabasco.  I love their Tabasco sauce, so I figured that perhaps their salsa would be good.  It's not bad, but it tastes like EVERY OTHER SALSA I'VE EVER BOUGHT FROM THE MARKET.  I have this hypothesis that every Mexican restaurant buys their rice and beans from the same distributer.  This would explain why every Mexican restaurant I've been to has rice and beans that taste the same as every other Mexican restaurant's rice and beans.  I suspect that every Mexican restaurant also buys their salsa from the same distributer as well, since nearly every salsa they give out with the chips tastes the same too.  Only one Mexican restaurant I've been to in the last few years has rice and beans that tasted like they were actually made in house.

Shay texted me tonight to ask if I was willing to hang out a couple of weeks from tonight.  I'm not adverse to the idea, but Shay mentioned the place they want to go and eat.  It's a a place I went to with Vagabundo a couple of years ago.  The food was not that good.  I even remember writing a review online, and having a person contact me asking me to recant my negative review for a food voucher.  Why would I want to eat somewhere that I found the food to be mediocre?  They should have offered me money, not vouchers.  Ha!  Not that I would have changed my mind.  Unless the food improved.  Now Shay and the gang want to go there because the other driver says it's good.  They still want to go despite the fact that Vagabundo and I have BOTH mentioned that we have gone and that the food isn't that good.  They fucking know that we didn't like the food there, and yet Shay is still inviting us both to this shit.  My buddy has already said that he's not going.  I may still go.  If I do I know I won't be eating at the place they want to eat.  I'll eat before that, at a much better joint.

Sat April 9, Male texted me last night to ask if I was available to work.  I told her that I had to start work at 1pm at Central.  She was cool with that, since she needed someone until noon at Adams.  She asked me to go to Central and get the key for delivery in order to get into the branch.  I told her that I rather not, for obvious reasons.  She understood, and allowed me to pick up Krishna's key at another branch.  I got to work with one of my nicer coworkers, who I don't have a nickname for.  Wait, yes I do.  My buddy and I call her Knowing Smile (shown above).  I find her to be quite attractive.  It was a pleasure to work with her today.  I tried to set-up a possible photo shoot with her, but I think I fumbled it.  I would rather sleep with her than photograph her, of course.  But I will take a photo shoot.

I dreaded going into Central because it was MicroManager's Saturday.  She's the worst.  On top of that, no TheDesire.  The good thing was that MicroManager was more interested in hiding in her office than getting in my face.  I hardly saw her today, which was a great thing.

It was 5:59 when I noticed two patrons had come into the library while a couple of dummy employees from upstairs were exiting.  Why they let them in, I don't know.  This fool and his son walk right into the library at near closing time and then give me lip about how it's not 6pm yet.  I told him, "We're closed," and, "It's 6pm now," after he complained about how he had come because he needed a book.  I told him, "Yeah, but you show up just as we're closing."  Fucking bullshit motherfucker.  I wanted to choke him until he was spitting blood.  I want to do him harm, in a serious way.  Don't come in at 5:59 and expect that you're just going to look around the library and find the book you want and check it.  I wanted to walk right out the door, but my idiot coworker was slow to come from upstairs.  I HAD to wait for her.  I even went upstairs to check on her.  When I went upstairs I half expected to have to be calling the police to report that she was dead.  When I got upstairs there was no signs of her, except that she closed the fucking till on the upstairs register.  Which is a dick move, and one that Vagabundo mentioned later as something that frustrates him.  I came downstairs and there she was in circulation.  No mention that everyone else was gone.  I mean come on lady.  Her actions, coupled with the actions of idiot patron shown above, really put a damper on my evening.  I wanted to choke everyone responsible.  Which included the dummy security guard, that was more concerned about catching her bus.  I get it, the bus sucks.  Missing the bus might mean having to wait another hour.  But you fucking have to do your job.  What?  I don't have a fucking stomach that's growling because I'm hungry?  I don't have commitments?  I don't want to go home, since I've been working since 9am?  Everyone there can suck a dick, for all I care.  I'm tired of every idiot taking advantage of the fact that I feel I have to do things right.  They can all eat shit!

Sun April 10, There isn't much to report from Sunday work.  Just hate how every week there's always some dope, or dopes, that have to wait for the last minute to check out books.  If the tables were turned they would want to go home after a long day's work.  But no.  These dopes have zero sympathy for the working grunts.  We really just want to head out the door, but we can't because some dope thinks every service we provide should be available even after we officially close.  I fucking hate patrons.

Tue April 12, There is a reason why I still keep my Disneyland annual pass... because, I do love this place.  For the moment you could better call it renovation-land, what with all the construction going on in the park.  The other night I saw the work being done for the new Star Wars area, and it made me sad for a moment, because change always does that to me.  However, I was thinking of the book I was listening to this afternoon, The Power of Myth, in which they talk about change being inevitable.  I don't know if this expansion is for the better, but it's a reality.  As such I have two choices... love it or hate it.  But there is another alternative... let it be.  Don't love it or hate it.  Just like the new movies suck dick, this may be horrible.  However, like the new movies, I don't have to watch them.

Since so many of the attractions I like are closed or packed with dopes I decided to head on over to DCA for some booze.  I dare say this is the earliest I've had a drink here at the park.  The bar had just opened, at 11:30, when I showed up for a drink.  Now, of course, the employees don't know that I have a 3pm curfew, so I have to get my drinking in early.  I had two drinks and I think that this might have been the first time that o reached a enlightened moment while drinking.  I'm in a good place right now (I'm writing this as I sit here nice and sloshed).

The River Belle has been made a sit-down restaurant.  It was formally a cafeteria style eatery.  I haven't had many meals at the River Belle.  When I used to come to Disneyland with the family we would sometimes eat breakfast here, because this is the place with the Mickey Mouse pancakes.  Not any more, mind you.  Now, they only have lunch and dinner there, and the famous pancakes are now made at El Zocalo restaurant.  I came here today because I saw that there were new menu items.  I decided to order the pulled pork sandwich, which came with tots and beans.  The sandwich was good, but not the best I've had.  The tots and the beans were super good though.  I'll definitely come back for another meal again.  I already told TheGirl that the place has BBQ'd tofu, and she wants to try it.  Speaking of TheGirl and Disneyland.  It seems very likely that she will not renew her annual pass.  Her rent went up, and she doesn't visit the park as often as she used to when we were going out.  Boy, when we were going out there was a three month period of time when we went down to Disneyland every Friday night.  Good times.

After lunch I made a beeline to my car.  I wanted to beat the traffic and the food coma I could feel coming on.  The drive to Glendale was about an hour of me fighting off sleepiness.  I honestly don't know how I didn't fall asleep while driving.  I ate too much food, and I was super stuffed, which contributed to me feeling so sleepy.

I arrived in Glendale about an hour before my buddy got off work.  I used that little bit of time to get in a quick nap.  I was dead, and the sleepiness that was affecting me on the drive to Glendale was still making me feel tired.  But the nap helped, and I met my buddy and we went to get some dinner.  We went to the little Mexican food place he discovered on Wilson, but when we got there we found that it was closed.  Their new hours showed that they now closed at 4pm.  Just great!  We then went to get some of the same pizza we ate a couple of weeks back.  After dinner we parted ways, and I went into work.  I only ate a couple of the slices of pizza and kept the rest, since I was still so full of food.  I was so full that when I was walking up to the library I couched and it made me feel like I was going to throw up.  I didn't, thankfully, but I really felt I was close.

Work sucked, especially since the inside of the building feels like it's at least twenty degrees warmer than the outdoor temperature.  It's horrible.  But, I carried on and made it to the end of the shift.  It was a good day at Disneyland, though I do find it kinda sucks not going with someone.  Alas, I'm alone.

Wed April 13, I don't have much to report from work today.  I was super tied after lunch that I went to the car to drop off my lunch pale and I found myself taking a nearly hour long nap.  I didn't even think I was that tired.  Somehow I was because, I fell asleep in a moment.  Pseudo supervisor said last week that she wanted to talk to me about the website this week.  But things got in the way, so she said the same thing to me today.  I'm good pushing it back several weeks from now.  Ha!

I raced over to TheGirl's place for dinner.  I downed a glass of wine even before starting to eat.  It hit the spot.  Once again TheGirl and I talked about possible plans for a trip to Big Sur.  The weekend she was initially saying we should go up there is Labor Day weekend.  She could not find any rooms at the places I told her to look for that weekend.  She then tried the following weekend, and of course everyone else has the same idea as she does.  She is going to check again tomorrow for another weekend, possibly in August.  We shall see.  In the meantime, she wants to drive up, because of her dog.  Three humans and a dog aren't going to fit too well in her car, and she doesn't see my car as an option.  So, she has asked TheHusband to borrow his car.  Yikes, right?  She asked me tonight if that was OK with me.  What am I supposed to say?  Not only was I fucking his wife on the side, then I break up his marriage, and on top of that I drive around in his car?  Why would I have a problem with that?  Ha!  I mean, at the end of the day I know TheGirl is shameless when it comes to this sort of thing.  She only wants to be able to go up there in a nice car that will fit us all comfortably.  I get that.  My car is roomy for two, possibly three people and our stuff.  Adding TheGirl's dog to the mix is much more difficult.  I know what we will have to make a lot more stops along the way, to have the dog move its legs and take a pee break.  Not having to drive up there will give me more time to chill and rest up.  So, I don't mind that part of the plans.  Time will tell if we really go up there with TheHusband's car.  I kinda hope not, but what can I do if we do?

Thu April 14, MicroManager told me that she wanted me to start at 8am today because I had a special delivery.  I saw a pile of fliers a couple of weeks back, when MicroManager was on vacation.  I knew that I would have to deliver them when MicroManager returned.  Sure enough, on Tuesday she tells me she wants me to start early and deliver the fliers to the schools before then going on the route.  The route along makes for a long day.  Especially when you couple it with a end of the night three hour shift.  My twelve hour day was now a fourteen hour day.  I took it easy on the first leg of the delivery.  I didn't go slow, but I kept a nice steady pace that wasn't super fast.  I figured, I would be able to catch up later.  And I didn't really care about going past 5pm anyway.  I did want to use that time for dinner and a nice nap.  So the time I was still on the route after 5pm would cut in to that rest time I needed.

I got the fliers into the van, made some mental notes as to what order I was going to deliver them in, and went on my way.  I came back to Central at around 10:30am, meaning it took me about two hours to deliver everything.  I then still had to do the actual delivery route.  Thankfully there were not a huge amount of bins to deliver today.  Enough, but not like on a Tuesday.

I went into treasury and a little bit of drama with one of the money bags caused TreasuryGirl to come up to the front desk from where she now sits in the back.  The back, where I can't see her.  In the past she sat near the front desk, so even if she wasn't helping me out I would often get a nice view of her.  Now that she's in the back I hardly ever see her.  It was no wonder why it was a pleasure to have one of the branches mess something up, and have to have TreasuryGirl come up to help the new girl.  TreasuryGirl asked me how my photography was going.  I told her I haven't really shot much lately.  Her body is amazing.  My buddy gets to see her more often, and he was raving about how amazing her body looks.  I SOMEHOW have to get TreasuryGirl to pose for me.  Not in the all together, but with clothes on.  Of course if she does want to pose nude I can do that too.  Ha!  Damn right I could.  I promised to print some photos for her last year, but I haven't been able to get around to it.  But, I think I need to print her photos fast and then lay the foundation for her to pose.  I can only hope she wants to do it.

My lunch hour was pushed back to a different part of the route, but I ate around the time I usually ate.  I didn't want to be bothered with the people at the branches, so I ate my lunch in the park today.  I picked a little park near where TheGirl used to live, and where the library gang went and had a picnic a few weeks ago.  It was quiet, and nice.  I at my tuna salad and enjoyed the view.  I went back to the van and had a little rest.  I only gave myself a half hour to chill.  I have an hour, but I wanted to use that other half hour later on in the route.  I might have eat more of my lunches at this park.  I don't want to be bothered with people these days.  I've been a hermit lately, and I like it.  The less contact I have with people the better.

When I arrived at Grandview Shay told me she was in a bit of trouble.  My buddy Vagabundo mentioned a little something about this, but he was light on details, because I think he wanted me to get the story from Shay.  Sure enough, she spilled the beans today about how she was using my buddy's login on the computer to waive fines, because she has not been given that privilege on the computer like Vagabundo and I have on our logins.  It makes no sense why Snow is so mad at her.  I later spoke to my buddy on my way home and he told me the whole story.  He mentioned that Snow emailed him about this thing.  What it boils down to is this: Shay kept Vagabundo's login until yesterday, because it would make it easier for Shay to waive fines.  But the way Snow was having Shay take the fines off for fine free week, is to have the book check-in backdated.  It's not a good system, because if you go and backdate it six months ago and the book has been out for several years that fine won't be waived.  From what my buddy and I can figure out this whole thing seems to have been a deliberate move to not have to loop Snow in on the entire waive fine process.  And, we also think it might be some sort of power trip or perhaps a way of circumventing having to go to Snow EVERY time a patron needs their fines waived.  We obviously don't know for sure, but whatever the motive Shay said that Snow was "furious" with her.  Whatever the reason, Shay didn't seem her usual sure self today.  More details will come out later, I'm sure.

I didn't rush thru the route, but somehow I wasn't that far behind my usual route time.  I figured that the half hour lunch contributed to the fact that I seemed to be just a little behind schedule, but I also knew that I had another half hour break coming to me.  I took that break after my last stop, and then returned to base just a little before 5pm.  This meant that I finished up a little after 5:15, but MicroManager told me to round up my time to the next half hour, which meant I put 5:30pm on my time card.  I went to my car after heating my my dinner.  I took it out of my lunch bag and the container opened up and nearly all of my dinner fell on my car seat.  It was fucking frustrating.  I knew instantly that I would have to buy dinner.  I cleaned up the car as best I could and then went to Burger Queen for some dinner.  At dinner Roni called me with more concerns.  That poor girl, she's in a dead end marriage that she only stays in because she fears being alone.  That, is a terrible reason to stay married.  My replacement dinner consisted of a long cheeseburger, that had an extra amount of grilled onions on it.  The burger was OK, but whatever.  I stupidly didn't ask for a combo, but I think that's for the better.

Lastly, TheGirl booked us a room for the weekend of August 12th.  That's exactly one hundred twenty days from today.  The place we'll be staying is across the street from the place I've stayed the last two times I've gone up to Carmel.  I like that area of Carmel.  It's close all the downtown spots, but also away from it all.

Fri April 15, My buddy Dane asked me when my next day off was, and I told him this Friday.  He was asking because he wanted me to drive him down to the welfare office so he could check the status of some things.  I was happy to help him.  Also, it meant me being out of the house, where my aunt already had things for me to do.  I don't have the energy for that.  I picked him up and went on our merry way to MacArthur park.  I parked the car once we got there and he went into the office.  I was nearly falling asleep when he came out and told me everything was cool. 

Dane wanted to visit Pan Pacific park for some reason today.  I drove us down there.  We walked around, chewed the fat, and then when we got hungry we ate some sandwiches that Dane bought for this occasion.  We found a picnic table and had a nice little picnic.  About halfway into my sandwich we watched a guy with a dog pick up on a girl with her dog.  We kept tabs on them for the better part of an hour while we finished up our sandwiches and continued to talk.  It was good times.  We figured that the guy was making good time with the girl, since they talked for so long.  We finally left and they were still talking.

We walked around Fairfax, ending up in a thrift store.  We walked back to the park and drove back to Glendale.  I didn't want to spend the whole day hanging out with Dane, mainly because I'm a tired monkey these days.  I kinda wanted to have a little time to just chill at home.

Sat April 16, There isn't much to report from work today.  No MicroManager made work almost bearable.  Almost.  TheDesire wasn't there either.  I don't think I've seen her in about two weeks.

Near closing time I rushed to get everything ready so the lot of us could exit the building at 6pm.  I closed out the registers, did the credit card machine, and turned off all the computers.  Done!  I exited, said good night to my coworker and started to talk to Dane outside when in the midst of our conversation I notice three of the children's area workers coming down the stairs.  They exited the building and one of them jokes, "Guess the alarm just went off."  And sure enough, I can hear the alarm sound coming from inside the building.  I told Dane, "I'm leaving.  I don't want to be here when the cops arrive."  He took his sweet time following me, but eventually did.  We went to my car, and drove away to get some food.  I drove by the library and sure enough, the cops did arrive.  I saw two squad cars in front of the library.  I told Dane, "See, I told you the cops would show up."  Hey, it's not my problem.  They don't pay me enough to care.

Sun April 17, Work today was unexpectedly busy.  There was an opera talk today, and my actual supervisor was in the building.  The man doing the talk wasn't too technology savvy, so my supervisor asked me to help.  Suffice to say our technology at the library isn't state of the art.  Hell, my hi-fi system at home is better than the stuff in the library, and my hi-fi is over twenty years old now.  Hell, it might even be near twenty-five years old.  I can't dictate what the library buys, but I wouldn't be buying anything less than digital technology at this point.  I only wish there was a way of making so that these technological problems could be solved by someone working with these people to have a simple, one step solution.  The person doing the work would have a hell of a time dealing with it, but the audience at once of these things wouldn't have to deal with some guy walking in in the middle of the presentation to "fix" the computer.  That just looks so dumb.

Taila's birthday is a week from tomorrow.  But, that's not why she texted me tonight, I don't think.  She mentioned that she's still struggling to get her aunt's kids.  She said that the officials call her crazy.  Hate to contradict her, but she IS crazy.  At least that's what I always thought when I was dating her.  Oh but in the early days, she was a goddess to me.  I hadn't had much luck with women in my life, and here was this pretty girl talking to me.  Sleeping with me.  Posing for me (as seen above).  She was uninhibited with her body, and her body was just so nice.  Alas, the years have not been kind to her.  I like that we're still friends, but really I don't need to visit her any time soon.  I know she wants me to visit since she asked me what was my next day off.  Even if I wanted to go visit her, what is really going to happen that is much different from my last visit there?  Oh, and that last visit was such a disaster.  I just remember thinking that perhaps we could have sex.  But then I saw her, and how bloated she was, and how she hadn't showered in days, and I thought there was no way I was going to sleep with her.  One of the last things she said to me as I got up to leave was, "Don't you want to have sex?"  I responded, "Next time," and left.  I want to remember the Talia I knew so many years ago.

She's turning 37 this year.  I took this photo of her just over two years ago now.  Nearly a decade separates these two photos.  It's not just Talia's weight that has changed her body, but of course that did.  But it's the weight of everything that has.  Just look at her face in the previous photo and in this one.  One is vibrant, full of life.  This... this photo is of a woman who is just spent.  I once thought how it was sad that I couldn't love her the way she purported to love me.  Oh well... that's in the past now.

Mon April 18, I arrived at work with some actual work to do.  Did I do it?  Nope.  I helped out on the circulation and reference desks instead.  I have a coworker that I've known since I've started working there.  I always thought she had some kind of feelings towards me.  Of course she's married, and she's not going to throw that all away for stupid me.  Still, I notice her look at me with that certain kind of look I've seen before.  The look that says, "I'm interested."  I do wish I could at the very least kiss her.

A friend from the past, from my now semi-distant past, texted me today.  I became friends with her via Diaryland over a decade ago.  She was there to help me deal with my Grandmother's passing by chatting with me online.  This, in the days when I was still on dial-up.  Now she's married and has a child.  She texted me today, and I'm glad we still keep in touch.  I think I'm going to make the effort to text her tomorrow and the next day and the day after that.

My buddy Dane was texting me today to tell me that at my other job the library didn't open today because of dust from the construction.  Sure enough I saw their post on social media (shown above).  What a bunch of tools.  The dopes at work STILL haven't figured out how to talk to construction crew.  The official reason they gave for closing today was dust.  They are cutting concrete.  What did they think would happen?  This has been going on for weeks, mind you.  The area where I work has been full of dust.  Every person there has complained about the dust.  So why did they suddenly find it prudent to close the library due to dust?  I'm sure the reason makes no sense.  All I know is that they didn't open the library today.  Mind you, my coworkers still stayed until 6pm.  I know that because Dane was still outside the library the entire time.  He had nowhere else to go, and he was using the library's wifi signal.  All I know is that these idiots deserve to burn.  They have done everything wrong.  Who suffers?  All the peon employees.  The management is the worst.  They have zero hindsight.

I let myself off work early tonight, 4pm instead of close to 6pm.  I can't go over my hours, so cutting a couple of hours today will help since I'm working this Friday and next Friday.  That will surly push me over my hours, if I'm not careful.  Because I left work early I was at TheGirl's early as well.  Even after eating some dinner I was still super early.  I went in when she arrived, had a glass of wine, and chilled.

Tue April 19, The library was closed yesterday due to all the dust from the sandblasting.  Today was make-up day.  My boss, Les, was completely ineffective.  He stood there while Jr. talked about what we had to do to get going.  Jr. was the one giving the orders to the rest of the crew.  The orders basically being: check in all the books as fast as possible.  Not very creative, but that's what they had to do.  It took them so much time to get that going.  And all the time they were bitching about how they had to deal with the dust yesterday.  I don't know why they stayed inside the building while that was going on.  The admin people are fucking idiots too.  How do they not know that there's going to be sandblasting going on, and how do they not know what that means for the library as a whole?  Someone said that the construction crew should have informed admin, but I feel it's the other way around.  The construction crew is just going about doing its job.  They don't have time to tell the admin idiots what is going on.  It's the fucking library administration's job to ask.  Fucking assholes.

I asked Les what I should do on the route, and of course he wasn't sure.  I suggested that perhaps I could deliver what there was to deliver to the branches and pick up what they had for Central.  Just because Central closed didn't mean the branches didn't continue working.  They still had books to move.  I piled in what there was in terms of bins for the branches.  The only branch that had an actual delivery was Brand, but that's because they don't have a delivery on Mondays.  Everyone of the other branches either had no bins or just the red bins that carry the new books to the branches.  I made my rounds, and of course told everyone why I didn't have many books for them today.  It's not my fault, of course, just the dopes that can't figure out that PERHAPS sandblasting would cause dust to kick up.  I finished the route earlier than usual, of course.

Because I finished a half hour earlier on the front end of my shift, I ate earlier than normal, and I had a three and a half hour break.  Two hours feels too short sometimes, but three and a half felt like an eternity.  That's WAY too long.  I can only sleep in my car for so long.  I did sleep in my car, but funny enough I wasn't so tired that I kept on sleeping the entire three hours.  I think I only ended up sleeping just over an hour and a half.  Part of me wondered why I finished so early.  I had to though, because I couldn't justify finishing at the same time as a normal route when I hardly had any bins to deliver.  Yes, the physical time it takes to drive from one place to another is something that doesn't really change.

When I returned to the library for my two hour shift I went straight upstairs.  I had a little time before, so I wanted to wash up and use the bathroom before heading to the computer desk.  I looked over and no TheDesire at the reference desk.  I figured she was helping a patron, or in the back.  Wrong, I run into her on the stairs.  That's where she and I did our little talking dance.  She asked me how I was, how life was, while she and I orbited a center of gravity between us.  She's so pretty, and I still desire her in so many ways, that's it's hard not to want to stare at her.  But I don't want to do that, for obvious reasons.  Stupid me still wants to just grab her and kiss her when she's standing next to me.  I just want to kiss her once.  To say it here, that I kissed her and I know what that's like.  To experience that would be wonderful.  It would make me quite happy.  Alas, it's just not going to happen.  Ever.  I should really stop thinking about this shit.

Wed April 20, Today pseudo supervisor wanted to talk to me about the new website for the foundation.  But, then she went on talking about other stuff, and there I was, talking to her while I got paid.  Not a bad way to work.  I didn't have much of a lunch though, because T needed me to show her how to print with the Beast downstairs.  I helped her in the time it was supposed to be my lunch hour.  It was OK, since I figure that I was just paid for not working.  Ha!  Still, now I have to get some actual work on this website.  I hope to have some time on Friday when I'm on the desk.  If not, I'll have to get some of this stuff done on Monday.

I bought a new lens online while having a little bit to drink.  Drinking makes me want to buy some stuff.  Well, today the lens arrived at work, where I had it sent.  During my afternoon break I went and got my camera out of my car and attached the new lens to it.  I took a few test photos before my break ended.  The picture above is of LaFlor and the other monitor.  LaFlor needs to pose for me now that I have this lens.  Hell, there are a lot of women that need to pose for me now, including TreasuryGirl.  I can already see the advantages of having this nicer lens on the camera.  It's a longer lens, but if memory serves me correct it's a faster lens as well.  Woo!  Certainly Solvang trip is going to allow me to test this new lens out.

TheGirl thought we should go to Bob's Big Boy in Toluca Lake tonight, mainly because they have outdoor seating for us to sit with her dog in tow.  She doesn't like leaving the dog at home these days.  I get it, the poor dog is alone nearly the entire day.  TheGirl comes home and she takes the dog for a walk, and then it's get ready for next day at work and off to bed.  It looks that from now on we'll be going out to dinner with her dog in tow.  I don't mind, but I can see that it might limit us in terms of where we might have dinner.  Not much, mind you, since so many restaurants are now catering to dog owners.  For dinner I had a fish sandwich, and it reminded me a lot of the old fish sandwiches I used to practically live on like twenty years ago, when there was a Bob's on Van Nuys Blvd.  It really hit the spot.  As I write this I'm ready to pass out from being tired.

Thu April 21, I didn't drink last night at dinner, or after I got home, so I wasn't sure why I was feeling so bad that I had to go to bed early.  I certainly didn't think I would wake up feeling somewhat worse.  I wasn't hungry, and my stomach hurt a bit.  I took a dump and that helped me feel better, but I wondered if that was the last of that.  Thankfully it was, but I didn't know that at the time.  I ate very little for breakfast, and I didn't take any food with me for lunch.  I felt sick enough that I thought I wouldn't eat the entire day.  I took a pair of ibuprofen and hoped I didn't feel sicker.  Thankfully by the time I reached work I was feeling much better.  Not 100% for sure, but getting there.

The route was back to normal today.  By the time I arrived at city hall I was feeling much better than this morning.  What also lifted my spirits was having TreasuryGirl help me.  For weeks it's been the new girl, Demi, exclusively.  She's nice, but TreasuryGirl is SUPER nice.  We talked the shit, and she mentioned in passing going up to the 17 Mile Drive.  She is thinking of going this weekend or the next.  The way she talked about it it did sound like perhaps there was someone she was going with.  A fella.  But, she didn't come out and out and out say she was going with a boyfriend, just a "friend."  Makes me think she isn't going with a boyfriend, but perhaps it could mean that she just doesn't want to call him that just yet.  I suggested a few things to see there, Carmel for one.  I told her I would print her photos for her as soon as possible.  Vagabundo and I were joking that she has to pose for me.  Believe me, nothing would thrill me more than photographing her.  She's gorgeous!  Time to lay the foundation for that.

By the time I finished up with city hall I was hungry.  I decided to get some Burger Queen, which was horrible.  It filled my belly, and that's really all I needed that at that moment.  Still, it wasn't good.  I continued the route.

I arrived at the Brand library and as I walked in I saw that they already had a display of Prince related items, books and CDs.  Boy, they work fast, I thought.

Since I ate lunch early today I didn't have to eat lunch at Brand today.  But, I was still entitled to my other portion of my lunch hour, and I took advantage of the nice weather to once again lay out in the grass.  It was awesome to just be in the shade of a tall tree.  These days may be flying by but they are quite beautiful.  The weather today was near picture perfect.  Something as simple as sitting in the shade of a tree made my day.Since I ate lunch early today I didn't have to eat lunch at Brand today.  But, I was still entitled to my other portion of my lunch hour, and I took advantage of the nice weather to once again lay out in the grass.  It was awesome to just be in the shade of a tall tree.  These days may be flying by but they are quite beautiful.  The weather today was near picture perfect.  Something as simple as sitting in the shade of a tree made my day.

Krishna asked me a few weeks ago if I would photograph her now that she's pregnant.  I don't know how to say no, so she said cool beans and said we would set up a date.  Today she suggested doing the photos a couple of Sundays from now.  I said yes and now I have to go through with this.  Ha!  I'm not too experienced with this stuff, but I'll give it the old college try.  The new lens will help though.  I'm not going to tell TheGirl about this, because I don't feel she needs to know.  Also, it's kinda none of business.  However, the fact that I feel I have to keep that knowledge from her must mean that I think somewhere along the line this is wrong.  Dang.

I went to Burger Queen for dinner.  I should have known that a bad lunch would not be replaced by a good dinner.  Sure enough, I ordered some burger that looks like a Big Mac from McD's.  It was terrible.  I wanted to just stop eating, but I was hungry and I just didn't want to deal with it.  I ate it, but it didn't really make me happy.  I went back to the garage to take a little nap.  Afterwards I went back to work.

TheDesire wasn't on the reference desk tonight, and I wondered if perhaps she wasn't working tonight.  When it was my time to go upstairs I lamented not having that little bit of time with her while we were both on the desk together.  But, it turns out she was at her desk upstairs the whole time.  As I started my upstairs shift she came out, said hi, and walked down the stairs.  That was all I got tonight, a drive by encounter.  Oh well.  The night shift was quiet, thankfully.  There's one woman that comes in and always has a bunch of questions.  She's nice, and I don't want to hate her, but she also comes up to me because she knows I'll answer her questions.  I suspect that some of my coworkers just dismiss her and says they either won't help her, or can't.  Stupid me helps, and that's why she asks me a bunch of questions.  Soon the computers will be moved downstairs.  The upstairs desk will not be where I'll spend my time.  All this because of the renovation.  Soon the upstairs area will be worked on.

Fri April 22, This is my second Friday working at CPL.  It turned out to be fairly quiet, which is nice.  When I left work I was super ready to eat.  I thought about going to Langer's, but then I didn't want to drive all the way out there.  I ended up going to Tommy's instead.  It was good, but it made me sleepy.

After having lunch I drove home in a sleepy haze.  Food really makes me sleepy these days.  Several times I found myself swerving into the next lane.  Not a lot, but if you didn't know better you would think I was drunk.  I fucking hate that.  I fought the sleepiness until I arrived just a few blocks from my house.  I parked the car, and tried to take a nap.  It was hard to believe that as tired as I supposedly was that it took a few minutes for me to actually go to sleep.  Once asleep I was out like a light until my alarm went off.  But I just hit the button to stop it and fell back asleep after that.  I slept for something like an hour and a half.  When I woke up I was groggy, and I didn't feel well rested.  Eventually I felt better, but it wasn't until after I drove home and settled in to my room.

I logged onto FB today during my time on the desk and the first thing I see is a picture of TheDesire.  She has apparently returned to FB after I don't know how long.  At least a year.  I'm sure she won't post too many things on her wall though.  She was never one to post a million things on her wall.  On a side note, the new work gang that includes Shay and Emma included TheDesire in an email asking who was going to go to the city's Dodger night game.  It falls on a Thursday, but even still I wouldn't go.  Even if TheDesire is going.  No need to go down that route again.  I was tempted to text her last night after our brief encounter upstairs, but why bother?

I made myself some dinner consisting of some store bought tacos and some mac & cheese my aunt made.  Both were awful.  My dinner was most unsatisfying, to say the least.  Food just sucks lately.  I shouldn't say lately, it's been a while now that I have had such a disinterest in food.  I try to eat food that has a lot of flavor, because otherwise my meal disappoints me.  Like tonight.  The food was practically flavorless.  And yet, eating all this flavorless food I've gained so much weight.  I was thinking about the origins of how breaking a mirror was supposed to bring a person seven years of bad luck.  The story is that our look changes about every seven years.  If that's even remotely close then I'm in a seven year cycle I fear that in my current seven year cycle I'm a fat-ass.  I really need to lose this weight.  I haven't told anyone, but I think that I might be getting sick.  Something about my stomach symptoms has changed.  I didn't use to wake up in the middle of the night with a bile taste in my mouth.  These days I'll wake up about once a month with that horrible taste in my mouth.  I'll take an antacid and drink some water and feel better.  Nevertheless, I didn't used to have to do that.

Sat April 23, Work was not horrible today, despite MicroManager being in the office.  I notice that she tends to have more of a laissez faire attitude these days.  She's not in everyone's face as often.  Mind you, she still has her moments, but I've noticed that on the last few Saturdays she works that she's been mostly hiding in her office.  Good.  Let her stay there.  It makes for a better work environment.  It's hard to believe how fast this last week flew by.

It didn't even feel like it was only last week I was closing up early.  I just don't get where the time is going.  It's thirty-four days until my Solvang trip, and one hundred eleven days until the trip to Carmel/Big Sur with TheGirl.  That time is going to fly.  What I want to figure out in the next couple of weeks is where I'm going to go for Thanksgiving.  Going up to Carmel would be nice, but since I'll already have gone with TheGirl I feel that it's best to go somewhere else.  Perhaps somewhere farther.  Perhaps even fly out somewhere.  In my dreams I would go to NYC, despite the fact that it would be fucking cold if I went during that time of year.  Still, it would be great to experience NYC.  But, it would take more money than I can save up.  If only I could go with a friend.  Ha... if I could somehow go with TheDesire.

The last hour of the shift TheDesire was at the reference desk.  She was hyper focused on getting back on her social media, mainly Instagram.  She was trying to get on her old account, but couldn't, and so she settled on going on another account she had.  Her first post is of the picture I took of her some four years ago.  Or was it five now?  Wow, I honestly can't remember how long it's been now.  Curiosity got the better of me, I needed to know the exact amount of years ago I took that picture and it so happens that today is the fifth anniversary of me taking that photo of TheDesire.  Crazy how time flies.  She mentioned wanting to get back on social media because she had been isolating herself.  Funny, I've been doing that as well.  I don't want to hang out, I just want to go home and rest.  Well, either way, good for TheDesire.

Later on when I was having dinner with Dane I went on FB and found that someone posted some picture of TheDesire participating in some play about the genocide, no doubt (pictured above).

"'People are afraid to merge on freeways in Los Angeles.' This is the first thing I hear when I come back to the city."  This is one of the only lines I remember from the book Less Than Zero.  It's also one of my favorite first lines in a book, and a spot on commentary of Los Angeles.  It's not an original idea, but this city might be one of the loneliest cities on Earth.

Sun April 24, Work was kinda busy today.  The circulation staff was short by one, and that makes a lot of difference.  I think they divided their time wrong, but at the same time that third person on the desk makes a lot of difference.  Back in the days when I used to work circulation on Sundays my partners and I would get swamped a lot.  The patrons come in waves, and one second there's no one in line, the next we have a dozen people wanting to check out.  All at the same time.  It's like they see someone checking out and want to queue up as well.  I will say that my coworkers need to grow a brain and figure out that what they are doing on the desk isn't working.  They are shuffling patrons to the entrance side of the desk, while people are queuing up on the children's side of the desk.  I used to tell my coworker on Sundays to focus on checking books in, and that I would take care of the check-out side of the desk.  It was a formula that worked because I was a dynamo.  Perhaps it doesn't work with others because they just don't work the way I used to.  I think that next Sunday I'll go in earlier and school these people on how to work the desk.  I'm not so detached from it that I don't know how to work it.

After work I went to pick up some groceries.  My aunt tries to make me food for me to have for lunch during the week.  But it's either just a side dish, or just something that isn't very tasty.  I figured I would buy some cold cuts and make some sandwiches to supplement what she makes.  That way I can have what she made me for lunch, and on late nights have a sandwich for dinner, or the other way around.  Either way, breaking the monotony of having the same meal over and over.  What I wanted to point out is that I bought some ham, cheese, bacon, salami, hot dogs and buns, and a pair of two liter bottles of Coke and all that cost me nearly $40 (pictured above).  If you think about it like that it seems like a lot money.  But, if you consider that if I bought a sandwich I would easily be paying $7 to $10.  And that's only one sandwich.  I'm definitely going to get more than four sandwiches out of the amount of cold cuts I bought.  I just have to put in some sweat equity into my meal, since I'll be making the sandwiches.

I bought some Dodger dogs, as you can see.  When I arrived home I heated them up and wolfed them down.  Right after that I felt like I was going to just fall asleep, and I did.  I plopped into bed, just as soon as my aunt came in the door.  I slept for nearly an hour.  I need to find out why meals make me feel so sleepy.  Friday I could not keep my eyes open on the road after having lunch at Tommy's.  I went online to check on this and the couple of articles I read say that since the food I eat is processed and high in sugars that basically I'm crashing after the initial high the food gives me.  That makes sense.  Perhaps me eating my sandwich, and not relying on fast food, will help prevent this tired feeling.

While I was buying groceries TheGirl texted me to invite me to have a margarita with her at her favorite Mexican restaurant, the one next to the equestrian center.  I told her I couldn't since I had just bought groceries, and I was afraid they wouldn't stay well in the warm car.  Which is true.  But, also, I don't like the food at that place.  The food is absolutely tasteless.  The last time we went I wanted to throw the food in the trash right in front of the waiter.  It was awful.  The only redeeming quality of the margaritas is that they are strong.  A good size one will knock me down.  I think that's why TheGirl likes it there too.  Well, I should add that they allow her to bring her dog, and next door at the equestrian center there's a huge lawn that she loves to take her dog and run her.  The place is perfect, for those reasons, but horrid when it comes to actually eating a meal there.  If I can help it I will not eat a meal there any time soon.  A margarita maybe, a meal, no way.

Mon April 25, Despite not having pseudo supervisor here at work today my shift was kinda hectic.  I came out to help my coworkers while they were struggling with a bunch of passports.  Thankfully that eventually died down and I could go back to goofing off in the back office.

I noticed that my entries here have included TheDesire quite a bit lately.  Even after the whole, "We're never going to ever, ever, going to be together" text she still creeps in my thoughts and of course into these entries.  I still think she's wonderful, and of course I find her attractive.  I shouldn't think that her responding my social media posts means something.  I will point out that she does "like" my posts quite quickly.  I'm sure it just means I have an interesting post.  Whatever!  What I wanted to say is that she's obviously still on my mind.  The good thing I can say is that I haven't sent her a text at all.  Even when I've REALLY wanted to say something to her.

TheGirl was having dinner with her brother and some other family tonight, so Chan and I didn't have a chance to visit her at her place.  That meant driving straight home and arriving early.  Something I didn't want to do, but had no choice.  I had this idea that I would wait to leave work until nearly 8pm, but then I thought better of that idea.  I just wanted to avoid the traffic, but good luck with that at the time I'm leaving work.

I got off the freeway at Van Nuys, to avoid traffic.  Which is kinda silly since I'm trying to kill time.  But even with that I still didn't want to be stuck in traffic.  I ended up driving down Ventura Blvd. until I reached Louise.  Then I turned back and even after killing all that time I still just parked the car down the street from my house (pictured above).  I wanted to stay there for a little while longer, but the person that lives right at the stop sign arrived and looked at me suspiciously.  It makes total sense since I do the same thing when some stranger is parked in front or by my house.  Like that creepy guy that parks his car a few yards up the street from my house with his engine running for about five minutes.  I have no fucking idea what he's doing, but I don't like it.  After my neighbor gave me dirty looks I drove the few hundred feet to my driveway and went in.  These days I just want to be left alone.

Tue April 26, I didn't have to work until 7pm today, but of course I can't stay home, because my aunt will ask me to do a bunch of things.  Like how the other day she asked me when my next day off was.  I just told her I would check.  Truly I won't have a day off for a couple of weeks.  But of course I wasn't going to mention that I had the morning and afternoons off today.  No fucking way.  She already has projects for me to do.  Meanwhile I have my own projects that I want to do.  And those have priority.  And since I'm not getting those done because I am working so much, there's no way I'm going to do her projects before I devote some time to my projects.  So, I left home and went to visit my Grandmother at Forest Lawn.  I know she can't hear me, but I still talk to her grave.  I spent about forty minutes at Forest Lawn, not all of it visiting with her.  I remember taking a seat overlooking Burbank and just sitting there until a worker disturbed me and I just moved on.  I didn't know what to do next to kill some time before 7pm.  I knew I wanted to eat somewhere, and I thought of actually going to the zoo at some point.  But I decided to check out a place in Griffith park that I googled a few months ago as a good picnic place, Amir's Garden.  I drove over to the place where a website about the garden told me to park.

The hike up to Amir's Garden wasn't easy at first.  I felt like my lungs were burning.  I felt like I wouldn't be able to make it all the way up.  Like I would just give up and breath hard for the rest of the day.  However, I kept moving and soon enough I was closing in on the site.  I'm glad I endured that hike up the hill because, at the end of that grueling hike I was rewarded with an oasis.  Being that it was a Tuesday it was empty.  I only saw one other person at the garden, a young lady sitting on one of the many benches checking her cell phone.  I didn't want to disturb her, nor did I want to interact with anyone.  The garden is a special place, and it does have some picnic tables that does make it a nice spot for a picnic.  Having to take a hike up makes it less of a ideal spot for me.  That is, not until I get back in shape and the tiny little hill I went up doesn't feel like Mount Everest, since I'm so out of shape.

I lingered in the garden for the better part of an hour.  I sat in various locations, walked around the many paths that spider across the side of the mountain, and just enjoyed the serenity.  There are few places in this city that feel this isolated.  I know there is no such thing has total isolation in this city, but my time in the garden sure did feel like there weren't many people around me.  I could hear the sounds of the golfers hitting balls at the driving range below.  But I couldn't even really make them out at that distance.  There was a moment when I heard the sounds of monkeys coming from the zoo in the distance.  All-in-all I will have to return to this place.  I can imagine it is a romantic place.

I was getting hungry, so I walked down the hill and drove to the park next to the old zoo ruins and ate my sandwich.  After my lunch I felt super sleepy, as is the norm these days, and I took a nap in my car.  Just as I was waking up MicroManager called me to ask if I could start earlier.  Could I?  Of course, I wasn't doing anything but sleeping.  I shook the cobwebs off and went to the market to buy some brewed tea, some Cokes and more importantly a frozen dinner for me to heat up while on my break.  Because I wasn't working a full shift I wasn't entitled to a half hour lunch/dinner.  I bought a frozen lasagna, which hit the spot later.

After my little shopping trip I drove to the garage across the library to sleep.  Boy did I sleep, for the better part of two hours I slept.  I didn't think I had it in me, but these days I can pretty much sleep at the drop of a hat.  I think that if I didn't force myself to get out of bed I could sleep the entire day.

I started my 4pm to 10pm shift ready to go.  As always I ended up abandoned on the desk.  Oh well, nothing new there.  Thankfully the shift felt like it went fast, despite it being six hours rather than the usual three.  Either way, the less time I spend at work the better.  However, two bills showed up and I need to pay them up.  I owe the IRS $113 and my car registration showed up as well.  Nice one, two punch.  No rest from bills.

Wed April 27, There was an accident on the 134 right after it crosses the 5 this morning, and it made my commute a commute to hell.  The 134 was slowed to a crawl, and the only way I made any progress was to move to the right and take the 5 instead of staying on the 134.  I don't know if it really helped because, I was still stuck when I got on the 5.  The freeways here are a complete clusterfuck.  To cut a long story short, it took me over an hour and a half to get to work this morning.  I felt exhausted.

Pseudo supervisor wants to get this year's big gala started earlier.  Last year's gala was the worst I've experienced since I've started working here.  It was just meh.  The Foundation made money, but at the same time it didn't feel as lively as other years.  It just felt off.  This means she wants to get some things started now so that everything isn't done at the last minute.  Hey, I rather do them now than later anyway.  But I really don't have the energy for this shit.  This has become my least favorite activity involving my job.  Just tired.

Dinner was good.  TheGirl's puppy was super excited to see me, especially since she didn't get so see me on Monday.  We played good.  TheGirl mentioned the Big Sur trip, and preparations for it.  She mentioned that her daughter wanted to buy an SD card for her camera, to take a bunch of pictures on the trip.  She went on to say that TheChisel had her SD card, but that since he wasn't in the picture any more that there was little chance that she would ever get the memory card back.  There you have it, finally some confirmation that TheChisel is out of the picture.  Has been for a while, as you have just read.  Certainly the last time she mentioned him it was in a negative way, and that she was going to have a talk with him.  I don't know how he became such a constant presence in our relationship and our friendship.  It's good to know he's gone, but still... what took her so long?  There certainly must have been something that drew her to him.  I'm not the one to ask about that, but I'm certainly not going to ask her so I can tell it here.  Maybe it was the money.  At one time she did mention how he had money.  He also spent all his money, and stupidly moved down to Los Angeles.  Well, I'm glad he's out of the picture, but never say never.  One day TheGirl could tell me she met up with him, or some shit like that.  For now, he's gone.  Gone, but not forgotten.

One of the first things I did after getting home is go on FB and unfriend that girl I met in front of the library about a month ago.  There's no need to continue viewing her posts if I'm not really her friend.  She stopped texting me long ago, and at this point I can't imagine she remembers me.  Even if she did there's little chance anything is going to happen between us.  She's way too churchy for me.  Way too churchy to want anything but a "friendship."  It was nice to have someone as potential.  But, ultimately this was just a little bump in the road.  Nothing good came of our meeting.  Nothing bad either though.  I guess in that sense it was good.

Thu April 28, I got into work today and MicroManager informed me that she wanted me to start at 9am next Tuesday and Thursday.  And she said I wouldn't be driving.  This was not a surprised, since I had already talked to Vagabundo about how she asked him to cover for me both days.  He can't cover next Thursday, because he's going on a trip.  I know MicroManager hopes that he changes his plans, but I emphatically told him today not to change his plans.  Fuck that shit!  Either way though, I won't be driving next week.  I'll be getting to move a pile of shit from one spot in the library to another.  Just great!

The route was pretty standard today.  A good number of bins, but not a crazy amount.  I woke completely tired this morning.  By the start of the route I wasn't that much better.  I championed on, because what else can I do?  Still, I wasn't feeling well, and I don't think it was entirely from the drinking I did last night.  Still, I think I need to take a little drinking break.  I've been drinking every night this week.

I had lunch at Brand, not my favorite place to eat since I'm always peppered with questions while in the kitchen having my meal.  But, now I eat and go outside to the grass out front and I don't see a soul.  These days I much rather be left alone.  I just want quiet.  I like my alone time, and I cherish it, because I don't get much of it these days.  What with working ten, eleven, twelve hour days.  I don't get to be in a nice secluded place, like my room, for long periods of time.  Even when I am home I always have to deal with my aunt possibly coming to ask me some fool question.  Hence it being especially nice to just sit on the lawn of the library and relax.  Before I did that though, So-so was in the kitchen telling me that TheDesire was in her group of people that had to do make-up harassment training.  I guess TheDesire was talking to her about how she moved.  This is somewhat news to me.  I overheard TheDesire saying something about wanting to move, "Back to Glendale," from La Crescenta after someone pointed out that where she lives is technically still Glendale.  I know that address, but when she talked about this a couple of weeks ago she didn't say she was moving, or perhaps I didn't hear her correctly.  Perhaps she was in the process of moving and I heard that she wanted to move.  Who knows.  So-so is a good source of information, but also not always a reliable source since she is losing her hearing.  So much for me thinking I was going to be, or was, TheDesire's confidant.  She hasn't said one word about this to me.  Granted, we don't speak very often, and I don't text her at all.  Still, you think it would have come up as easily as her telling me she made out with that guy while on a cruise a few weeks ago.  Whatever.

After coming back from dinner, which consisted of a sandwich I made, I walked back into that sauna of a job and within a half an hour I was ready to pass out.  I don't know if it was the fact that I had just had dinner, or that the heat was getting to me, or the combination of the two, but I was definitely feeling weak and with no energy.  It was fucking bullshit!  These fucking assholes in administration keep sending emails saying that the A/C will be working in a few days.  And then when those days pass and nothing they then say a few days more.  Fucking shits!  Meanwhile, when I went upstairs for my delivery I noticed that the administration offices were nice and cool.  THEY HAVE WORKING AIR CONDITIONING!  Fucking assholes!  No wonder they don't care about the rest of the library.  They're in their fucking protected cocoon.  I fucking hate this shit.

TheDesire wore a nice skirt and a nice top tonight.  It's really hot inside the library, so I know she didn't wear it to show her goods off to me.  Still, I got to check out her legs.  Which are skinny but nice.  Then again, would I say different?  It's clear I like her.  it would have been nice to get a picture of her outfit from tonight to show here.  Alas, I didn't take a chance trying to take a picture.  I think I was just too exhausted to try.

Fri April 29, I didn't start work until 1pm, officially.  However, that didn't keep me from leaving at my usual time.  As I've said here many times, I don't want to be here because my aunt will want me to do something.  I need rest.  Everything is just weighing on me these days.  The long hours, the constant work schedule.  I can't have ONE fucking day where I just stay at home and relax.  Nope, not going to happen. 

Work was pretty chill.  I got some things done here on my site, but not much work for work's sake, since being on the reference desk means having people interrupt you every other minute.  But, that's the job.  I left work, drove home.  Thankfully traffic wasn't that bad.  I'm just ready to rest tonight.

TheDesire finally responded to a comment I made a few days ago when she first posted on her newly reactivated Instagram in which I say that the picture I took of her was some of my finest work.  As you can see, she can't even believe that the picture I took is really her.  I remember when I gave her the CD-roms of photos I took that day five years ago that she said she realized she was attractive.  She had not thought of herself as attractive.  You would think that THAT fact would have her see something in me that saw that and asked her to pose as some sort of affirmation that I'm a good guy.  Of course my reputation wasn't just made on that photo shoot, but of me sleeping with a married woman.  I still have that to live down with TheDesire.  This is to assume that I had a chance since I'm not Armenian.  It's no secret that I like this girl a lot.  I like her just about as much as I've liked any woman.  TheGirl is in a different place, since I actually had a relationship with her.  Until TheDesire has a relationship I can't say that she's up there.  However, she's special.  And despite all the bullshit obstacles I still desire her.  I still hope that there is some sort of a chance with her.  It would take some sort of miracle, this I know, for her to accept me.  So, I write entries about her while she's not giving me a single thought.

Sat April 30, My aunt left the house to go visit my Godmother, so I had the house to myself.  I woke up, chilled for a bit, and then I figured I would get ready for work.  Before that I jerked off.  I mistimed things and the next thing I know it's nearly noon.  I jumped in the shower, and drove to work.  I had to get some food, so I went to Burger Queen to get some food.  I think it's the last time I'm going to go there.  The food is terrible.  I first thought of going somewhere else, but I figured that since this particular Burger Queen was close to work that it would give me more time to eat.  It did, but it was a most unsatisfactory meal.  But, it filled my belly.  I got to work with fifteen minutes to spare.

Work was work.  It's almost bearable when MicroManager isn't there.  It's also Emma's last week.  Although, she said that HR hasn't processed her paperwork.  Wonder why.  Not even sure what this "processing" entails.  Why does it take so long?  Whatever!  I wonder who they are going to get to replace Emma on Saturdays and Sundays.  I'll know next week.  Perhaps if they don't process her paperwork she'll still be working on the weekends.

Taken on March 13, 2010 at the old Los Angeles Zoo Ruins.  I forget how I heard about the old zoo ruins, but it was a few years before I actually went up there and checked the "ruins" out.  The ruins consist of a few cages where animals used to be on display.  The zoo moved to a new location, but some of the cages remain, and they make for a good spot to shoot some photographs.  Since that first time I've been back for several photo shoots.

Taken on July 29, 2012, this photo is one of the last photos I took on my first solo trip to Big Sur.  That trip was magical, and since then I've traveled to Big Sur each year.  As I stood there, admiring the beauty that I had experienced, I knew I had to return to this wonderful place.

Taken on April 12, 2013 while on a trip with TheGirl to Big Sur.  We had gone to the Big Sur Lodge and bought matching baseball caps.  She wanted to try it on Chan's head.  The result was one of the funniest pictures I've taken.  Chan really comes alive in the picture for me.  He looks like he's alive, and giving me a "look" as if to say, "How do I look?"

Taken on April 19, 2014, at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco.  This picture is from the time I went up to S.F. with TheGirl, despite the fact that we were broken up.  I think about how by the time of this trip TheGirl and I had been broken up for nearly two years.  Yet, who else would she go up to S.F. with but me?  Actually, her "friend."  But she had such a horrible time with him that she had to go back again.  I do love that town, and the Palace of Fine Arts might be my favorite place in the city.  I feel like I've stepped into a Maxfield Parrish painting, another world.