Once again we say good-bye to another year. 2015 was a year, for sure. On to 2016!

Tue Dec 1, I told myself one day early last week that I was through going to Facebook. Hence, I put a moratorium on my FB views. I hope to not look at it until after New Year's. Perhaps it will just be a permanent thing. I logged out of the iPhone app, so I wouldn't be getting stupid notifications every other minute. I'll see how long this lasts. For now, I don't feel I'm missing out on anything.

Every other Tuesday route was today. It wasn't that big of a deal, a good route. I actually made good time. Since I didn't have any food in the house I knew I would have to buy my lunch. I went to Burger Queen by Montrose and had a chicken sandwich. It hit the spot, and I didn't have to drive all the way to Chevy. Which eats up a lot of time on the route. I think my Chevy experiment is done. No more driving out there just to have a solitary lunch. I figured that since I was doing good time that I would speed through the route today, like the other driver does. No chit chat, just go go go. It was good thing, mainly because stupid Herr.

Herr calls me up just as I'm arriving at my second to last stop on the route. I didn't answer, because I didn't even feel the phone vibrating. I called her back on the hard line and she tells me that she has me scheduled on the circ. desk at 6pm. I normally finish the route at that time and then take a two hour dinner break. I asked her, "What about dinner," and she says that she scheduled my dinner for 3pm to 4pm. Ah, it was already 3:30pm! The good thing is that since I was so far ahead I fucking told myself that I would take that extra time to have dinner on their dime. I rushed to finish the route before 4:30pm, and then I went to buy myself some dinner. I took my time at dinner. When it was time to go back to home base, I didn't say a thing about having just eaten something. Fuck them! It was a good thing that I rushed the earlier part of the route. Otherwise I would be starving while on the desk.

Desk time went fast. It was nice to have TheDesire at circ. I like it when she's there. She simply makes my time in my hellhole of a job so much better. It's downright a pleasure to work with her. Once I got to the upstairs desk I did my little art project. I tried to do some sort of 3D lettering, but I'm not that good at this. Still, I did my best. I hope she likes it. I left my little art work on her desk and noticed that she still had my last "art work" sitting under Panos. I like to think it means something, but it probably doesn't.

Wed Dec 2, I didn't have to be at work early today, so I leisurely went into work. When I got there I noticed no one was on the circ. desk getting it ready for the day. The boss sees me and asks me if I can help out since the two clerks that were supposed to do this stuff are inside the community room for harassment training. Good job not scheduling the right people to cover this desk time! This is typical of San Marino lately. On Sunday the new library assistant didn't come in because no one told him he had to come in this week. He thought next week he was starting on Sundays. Meanwhile, I was on vacation. Terrible. I pitched in for about two hours, maybe three. Actually, it was three hours, on the circ. desk. What would they do without me? If not for me the passports that arrived would have to have been done by who, a ghost? They should do me a solid and make me full time already.

I had lunch, chilled and then went on the reference desk. The shift was pretty uneventful. I did fail to mention that last week this one patron that comes in and talks to me said that the cute monitor was a lesbian. That he saw her walking down the street in Pasadena holding hands with a woman. Now there has been talk that she and the other monitor are a couple. The other monitor, P, even told me that she was a "good girl" and to basically not make a pass at her. What the fuck!? If they were a couple it would explain her marking her territory. But that's really up to the other girl. Whatever, the patron then said that perhaps it wasn't her. Hmm.

Finishing up my shift I went to get some food for dinner with TheGirl. I didn't take any booze with me, so all we had is some wine. It was just enough for me to have one glass. Oh well, I guess I'm not going to be getting tanked up tonight, I thought. TheGirl wanted to hear about my trip. It was good times. She didn't have much news to tell me. I went home with some leftovers and the notion that I needed a little drink before going to bed.

When I arrived home I checked on a couple of email addresses for my domains that I own. I don't check those emails often, because I don't really use them for personal things. But, I do use my photography email for contests and such. I logged into it and found an email from Brand library. Once again I've been rejected for exhibition there. Here are the key words in the email, "After careful consideration, we are sorry to inform you that you have not been selected." Those are the lifeless words that punctuate my latest rejection. I figured I would give this submission thing one more try. But really I was a fool to submit work to this particular place. Actually, I'm figuring I best not submit my work to any other contests, or calls for submission. I suppose I'm just not good enough. I suppose I best just do this with the idea that it's just a quaint hobby. It's not a hobby for me, but Obviously I'm not good enough.

Thu Dec 3, Thursday route day. I went to Pasadena to drop of books and of course there's someone parked in the dock area. This is so typical of my Thursdays on the route. Today, as shown above, it was a big delivery truck. I can't imagine driving that thing around and having to deliver stuff. I'll take the van any day. It's hard enough maneuvering the big van. Still, the guy did leave space on the other side of the dock. Which was good. I got in and out as fast as possible, because I knew he would have trouble getting out if I was still there when he returned.

TreasuryGirl looks so pretty. I chatted her up today. Asked her about Christmas after she asked me what I was doing. I told her I would send her a link to my recent trip pictures. It's all a way of getting her to pose, to let her guard down. There isn't much to mention about the route today. Shay was actually nice, and mentioned wanting to go to Disneyland on a Sunday evening. I think this Sunday is best. Last time I went was a couple of weeks ago on a Tuesday, and it was a disaster. First traffic sucked. Then the place was PACKED, and I didn't get on any rides except the monorail. Which I used to get out of the park. Still, Shay being nicer today coincides with the discussion my buddy and I were having the other night about her seeming a little off lately. My buddy mentioned how she seemed a bit "off." Supposedly Shay is having to deal with the parents now wondering when she might move out. And what her plans are now that she's graduated with her Masters. Stuff like that. Which sucks, because I can't imagine how I would handle that sort of talk.

At Brand I had a nice talk with Misa, and I gave Ani a massage. I was in the break room with Ani, and at some point the talk turned towards massages, how she wanted one. I said, "Let me." She was reluctant at first, saying that she didn't want someone coming in on us, because right away it would be a hostile work environment. Fucking bullshit! Whatever, I was touching her, giving her the best massage I could muster, and of course getting hard the entire time. At the end she gave me a hug. I so should have kissed her at that moment.

At my last stop Krishna, TheGirl's former friend asked me how TheGirl was doing. Was she doing alright, she asked me. Ah, I thought, why don't you ask TheGirl directly? I didn't say it, but it's almost as if Krishna heard me, because she followed up by saying, "I've been too busy to call her." I call total bullshit on that remark. No one is THAT busy. She is just lazy. I texted TheGirl as I was leaving. Krishna told me to, "Say hi when you see her." TheGirl called her a witch. Can't blame her, Krishna has shown herself to be a fair weather friend.

My night shift was uneventful. I drew TheDesire another name drawing. I had the idea the other day to make the A in her name in the form of the Eiffel Tower. When I went to drop off the name at her desk I noticed that Panos wasn't there. I hope that she took Panos home with her, and is keeping the name art I make for her.

Fri Dec 4, Once again I went to work in San Marino with the intention of not dealing with my aunt at home. I really wanted to sleep in this morning. I could have done it, if not for my aunt looming around the house. She has ruined my days off. I'm sure people wonder why I work so many hours. Ah, it's because if I don't I'll have to be home, and she won't leave me alone when I'm home. It's fucking frustrating. On my day off I don't want to battle traffic, or sit in an uncomfortable chair in my office. But that's better than the alternative of being home and being asked a million questions. Every fucking day is a barrage of questions. ONE fucking day I want to go without answering questions. Of course the Universe thinks that's too much to ask. Hence me driving out to San Marino to not do work in my office.

I had planned on getting some errands done today, but the only errand I did was pay off the mortgage for this month. I had planned on getting some sodas for next week, and depositing $120 worth of quarters in order to put that money towards my trip to Carmel last week. But, of course I was too busy watching YouTube and NFL videos to get out and do anything. Also, I wanted to time everything so that I didn't hit traffic on the way home, and I could get my haircut, and not be home before my cousin's brats left. Since I needed to get out of my office and get some things done I needed to also decide what I wanted to eat for a late lunch. I thought about pizza, but then thought of going to My Taco in Highland Park. When I got there I ordered the carne aside fries. They were pretty good, but not great. I've had some good meals there. This was an OK meal, but it did hit the spot. I think what they needed was more cheese and perhaps onions.

I didn't work today, so I was able to get to my barber any time I wanted. I didn't want to get there too early, since I still had to kill time before going home. I so wanted to get a hair cut before it gets too long. I always tend to wait until it's already too long, and then some, before finally getting a cut. But, since I had the day off I went in there.

When I got home I chilled and played some L.A. Noire game. I'm nearly done with it. I want to be able to give my buddy his system back sooner than later. That was pretty much my night. Living that modern bachelor lifestyle, is what I'm doing. The cool thing about the game, and why I mention it, is that I found a Tucker in the game. It's one of the cars my character can drive. It was just cool to see one, even if it is in a game. I've seen a real one at the Nethercutt museum. Too cool.

Sat Dec 5, My house is kind of a mix of construction. When we moved in the house was about half the size. Since we were a lot of people we started to add on to the house. This to a house that had been added on since day one, because the core house that's here was so small. That additional stuff we built on is now showing its age. The core house is still pretty good, but this one addition is rotting away. It is an area that we could best call a breakfast nook. Well, the roof needs to be replaced in this area because of rot. There's a guy working on the house next door, fixing it up to sell. My aunt went over there and asked the guy what it would cost to fix our problem. $4,000 he said. Fuck! We don't have $4,000. I don't have four thousand cents. But this HAS to be done. Knowing how these things work he's going to start out at $4,000 and find so many problems that he'll have to raise it to double that or more. Just like that fucking plumbing that ballooned up from a tiny bit to thousands. Oh well, this does need to get done. No time like now, when I'm poor.

My family was coming over today to celebrate my cousin's youngest's birthday. Thankfully I was going to work. I don't like ditching the family, but of course I did have a legitimate excuse. Still, I guess I don't have to take so much glee in it. I just want to rest most days, and be left alone. It's seriously too much to ask.

Not that I WANTED to go to work. I rather just sleep all day. However, work was OK, considering that Herr scheduled me upstairs for half my shift. That makes the shift go faster. Though, I do like it on circ. when TheDesire is there, like she was today. I won't see her on a Saturday until the 19th, and then I won't work for two Saturdays in a row. So I won't see TheDesire that much this month. I was checking her out as she walked away from the upstairs desk and even though I was looking at her body as a thing of desire, I also had this overwhelming feeling come over me. All I could think of is how I wanted to marry her. How much I wanted her in my life. I really do. I made her another one of my art works. It was harder today, because I was under the gun. The new security girl I think has taken a shine to me. She spent over an hour upstairs with me, chatting me up and looking or other jobs. Yeah, actually I'm sure she was just there to look for other jobs. Still, it didn't give me much time to really do a nice art work for TheDesire. I can truly say that if I didn't know better that I'm in love with TheDesire. What a prize sap I am.

My buddy texted me today to ask if I wanted to get some grub. He was somewhere downtown, I thought he said, and wanted to see if I was available for dinner. I usually reserve Saturday night's for my buddy Dane. But, I could tell Vagabundo wanted to talk. I ditched Dane by telling him my family was coming over tonight. It's wrong, but of course I know that lies are to be used as tools to not hurt those you care about. I met my buddy at the House of Pies in Hollywood. It was strange to me that my buddy would want to go there, but I said cool. Later on I looked at my text and realized that he wasn't saying House of Pies, but rather Hollywood Pies. Where they make the best pizza in town. I later apologized to him for the mistake. But those damn patrons kept on coming when I was trying to text him. And of course that fucked everything up. He's a good guy, so he let it slide. But, his chicken pot pie at House of Pies was not that good. My breakfast combo was pretty damn good though. I've never had anything but breakfast there, so I don't know what the rest of the food is like. I felt bad that I totally misunderstood my buddy's request to go to Hollywood Pies. What a dope. Either way, we had a good talk about my trip, about Shay and TheDesire. We needed to talk face to face.

Sun Dec 6, I knew going into today that it would be a long, but fun day. At least part of the day would be. With looming roof repairs I needed the getaway of Disneyland this day. TheGirl wanted to go get breakfast, as has become a sort of a repeating theme. I don't want to call it a tradition yet, because it's only been going on for a short time. Tradition is more like our Wednesday night dinners. That said, I do like Sundays in the park for breakfast.

We arrived at the park. In the first couple of instances of going for breakfast we arrived at the part about 8am. That means having to wake up SUPER early, on a Sunday. TheGirl didn't like that, so she has suggested 9am ever since. Can't say I blame her, but the consequence is that we have less time to see the park after we eat. Same thing happened today. After we finished eating we didn't even have time to go on any rides except the omnibus.

Getting on the second deck of the double decker bus was cool. It allows for a nice view of Main Street. After our bus ride we left, because I had to go to work. The girl mentioned the "nice Jewish boy" again. Which means she's still seeing him. I like how she makes the same mistake over and over again. This is yet another reason why it's best we aren't in a relationship. We listened to a Steve Martin routine on the way back to her home.

Of course work doubly sucks after going to Disneyland having to go into work. Such is the reality of my Sundays. Morning delight, followed by horrible work. Tonight would be Disneyland, take two. But before that my shift. It was chill. I let the new guy do much of the heavy lifting. He needs to learn the ropes. Though he seems to be a fast learner. Thankfully the shift went fairly fast.

Disneyland, take two, was courtesy of Shay, who asked me last week if I wanted to go to Disneyland on a Sunday evening. I like Disneyland alone, but it is more fun with someone. Especially a girl. I figured I would kill two birds with one stone. Go to Disneyland and complete my day there, since the morning was so stunted. And, name drop my buddy Vagabundo to her. The park was packed when I arrived. We went to Hungry Bear for dinner, where I bought a holiday special meal, a pulled pork hot dog. It was GOOD. I was quite stuffed. After the dog we walked around a little, and were able to get on quite a few rides: Matterhorn, Haunted Mansion, Big Thunder and finally Peter Pan. The last one was made possible by moving quickly when we saw an opening. Fantasyland is closed for the fireworks display, so we go to one of the access ways after the fireworks and the guy there says something stupid that Fantasyland won't open until nearly 11pm. What? Another cast member on the other side of the castle said 10:15. So, we headed back there and sure enough, they dropped the rope on the far side, near Pinocchio. There were already some people in line, but we were able to get into a shortened line. I think we waited twenty minutes to get onto the ride. Pretty good, considering the ride typical has long waits.

After that we could go home, and we did. Shay mentioned wanting to come back next Sunday as well. I think her blackout dates are coming up. As a matter of fact I know they are because the last two weeks of the year are usually blacked out except for the people that have the premium pass like I do. It was a good double dip day. I got to eat breakfast and dinner at Disneyland and get on some rides. Good times.

Mon Dec 7, I went into work today at San Marino determined to make some headway on this time line project that sucks dick. The information was so dry that I found myself falling asleep while I was looking through the paperwork. ARGH! I so hate this assignment. This might be one of the most time wasting projects I have. The fucking idea of a time line that stretches out one hundred years is dumb. Especially when my pseudo supervisor wants to extend it in ten year increments. T later came into the conference room I was sitting in to ask me about this project and she said, "That just seems like a huge waste of time for it to be shown one day during open house and then never again." Thank you. But, pseudo supervisor thinks it can be something future generations will build upon. Sure. All I know is that I could not keep my eyes open.

I helped a patron out today, she bought me an iced coffee

I rather be on the desk, and thankfully my alarm that signals when I am to give my coworker her break on Mondays went off, and I went downstairs, having gotten almost nothing done on this project. I get down there and I start on the desk when a girl comes up to me and asks for something other than our wet wipes. I ask her if she needs a towel, and she says yes. I tell her there are some in the bathroom, but then I see why she's asking. She spilled her iced coffee on the floor. I get the roll of paper and proceed to help her dry off the carpet. I finish my coverage of the break and leave the desk. Done. Apparently she thought it was such a nice gesture that she goes ahead and buys me an iced coffee. I drank it while I was on the desk later on my official shift.

My shift on the desk was actually not mine alone. The new guy was on the desk, and I stayed with him throughout the shift so he can get some more experience. But I think next time he's on his own. See, the boss has not said anything about me leaving him on the desk. So I assumed that I was still supposed to be on the desk. Yeah, this is the last week for that on a Monday.

In what has become a pattern I went to eat at Taco Bell before going over to TheGirl's for our Monday visit. It's funny how we maintain this visit through the break-up and subsequent friendship. The fast food hits the spot after a long day at the office. I feel a cold coming on. Dammit! I hadn't been to Taco Bell for a long time. But since there's one next to TheGirl's I went to get some food. Forgot how they engineer that food to taste so damn good.

Tue Dec 8, I've lost my Tuesday hours at San Marino, so now every other Tuesday I have to pretend to go to work. That means I have to find something to do for the hours before I start work at Glendale at 7pm. Today I hung out with Dane before he goes into the library at 2pm. Meanwhile, back at work the house was getting the roof fixed. See, the roof in a certain part of the house has dry rot and termite damage. It really does need to be replaced. It needed to be replaced two years ago, maybe more. But of course money issues kept us from doing repairs. But now is the time. First the plumbing, and now the roof. So much money. Oh well, the place does keep me warm. It's my home. Anyway, of course I became hungry before I have to drop Dane off at the library. Since we were right next to Costco I invited Dane to a hot dog. Normally I love those hot dogs, but since I have this cold I couldn't taste a thing. Dang.

After dropping off Dane so he could go into the library I stayed in my car and took a long nap. Since I'm now dealing with this darn cold, I needed to rest. In lieu of resting at home, like a normal human, I took what turned out to be a two hour nap. It really hit the spot. I think I could sleep all day, if I didn't have to go into work. I decided to get some food at a Mexican food place up the street that has some good grub. The sopes there really hit the spot. They aren't as good as a couple of other places I have been to, but they are good.

I had nothing to do until 7pm today but hang out with Dane until 2:30 when the library opens. I figured I would have the rest of the time to nap and then eat. Turns out Herr and Jr. are out, and they called me to start at 5pm. Cool. I can certainly use the money. TheDesire looked so cute today. I mean she always looks good, but today she just looked extra fine. I really wish I could kiss her. Last patron of the day was a patron I made a card earlier in the evening. She was this woman who was really throwing her boobs out there. I think you can kinda see how her push-up bra is practically pushing her boobs up to her chin. Not that I'm complaining. I thought it was great. It should happen more often. She should be smothering me with those some time in the future. Should, but won't. It's all good. Got to see them at least.

Dane wanted to keep talking after work tonight, but with me feeling the effects of this cold I just wanted to head home. I finally escaped him and drove home, only to come across three dummies on the road. Well, more than three, but these are the three I'm going to mention here. First one was on the on-ramp to the freeway. Fucking moron was merging at 40MPH. What the fuck! MOVE! The first one pictured above happened a few minutes before the dummy on the on-ramp. He was needed to go on the on-ramp before me in a move I call "last minute Charlie." Which means a dummy that decides he needs to be in my lane at the last minute. Of course he passed the other idiot that was ahead of both of us on the on-ramp. Last was this dope that was so far into the intersection that it kept the sensor from recognizing his car, which meant it didn't sense any car until mine came around. Dumb.

My buddy and I exchange links to pretty girls on Instagram all day long. And for no other reason but to just mention it I have two of the more stunning ladies here. They are quite simply amazing looking. I mean they are stunning. Simple as that.

Wed Dec 9, Not much to report today. Pseudo supervisor and I were supposed to talk about my time line project today, but she never brought it up. I think I'm going to go into work on Friday to get some things done. And to ditch my aunt at home. What Pseudo supervisor and I did talk about today was about what we would do if there was a shooter in the library. I wanted to find out if the glass in our office is tempered glass, so we know if we can break through it if necessary. Sure enough, it is tempered glass. That means a good hit with a hammer and that class is breaking.

Can't say much about my shift. It was pretty long and boring. This cold didn't make it easier to deal with. Still, I didn't do much work, which is always a good thing.

Dinner with TheGirl was good. She mentioned that she's thinking of going to the library's holiday party, because her old coworker and friend is going as well. Krishna is going as well. I wondered what Krishna would say, and I told TheGirl that she would come up with the excuse that she's been "really busy lately." Which is her excuse for everything. Not much else to report. Oh, TheGirl is going to Laughlin with TheHusband this weekend. Not sure why she tells me these things. No skin off my nose either way. Of course to me she says that she doesn't really want to go to that "trashy town." Sure. If she didn't want to go she doesn't have to go. It's just another excuse of TheGirl saying she doesn't like something and yet still doing it. Like dating this "Nice Jewish boy." She slept with him right away, he treated her badly and she said she didn't want to see him ever again. And yet they're still seeing each other. WTF, TheGirl? I don't know anything any more.

Thu Dec 10, Well, here we go again with the route. Out front at the library the construction guys were cracking up the old planter in order to make room for the new steps for the new entrance.

I finished up the route early today. Not sure, but I think it's because I didn't drive to the secluded branch for lunch today. Yeah, that is a bit of a hassle. But, think I might do it next week. Today I just slept in the van for nearly an hour. I needed the rest, but still. I don't want to be sleeping in the van. It's not super comfortable, and of course there's a chance someone might see me and wonder why I'm sleeping in a city vehicle. Yeah, I've made up my mind. I'm going to Chevy next week for lunch.

I was upstairs for the last two hours, as has become the norm. I didn't have time to draw TheDesire another name art thing, even though I had a good idea to make the A in her name a Christmas tree. But, when I went back to do my check of her desk, as if that will give me some clue as to what's going on inside her mind, I happen to see that she left her work ID badge on her desk (pictured above). I really have it bad for this girl. I mean I really do. I know I keep saying it, hoping that I can manifest it somehow, but I do think that we would make a good team. I'm probably 100% wrong, and my statement is just a product of wishful thinking. But would it be so bad if she gave me a chance to win her over? THAT is too much to ask for the Universe.

Fri Dec 11, Once again I have to pretend to go to work so I don't have to deal with my aunt. Next week I already decided that I'm going to take the car in for service and then do something fun. It is my day off. Today I just needed rest, since I'm still dealing with this cold. Damn this fucking cold. I spent part of the morning inside, and then I went to my car to sleep. I need the rest. I slept on and off in my car for about four hours. I would go home after this, but I have that Secret Santa dinner tonight. As I write this, Emma has sent me texts saying that TheDesire is the only one that hasn't confirmed that she's going. Of course. Of course that's the way. I don't even know why I try with that woman. It's a fucking waste of time. My desire for her is a fucking waste of time and energy. Both that are precious these days. Time especially.

I posted a picture on my Instagram of Big Sur and I added in the caption, "That endless ocean of time." That line breaks me up inside, because I think about how I DON'T have an endless ocean of time. How at this point, wishful thinking perhaps, I have half my life left to live. Half, if I'm lucky. I can't waste that time. Time has become a real thing now in my life. I hate that I sleep so much, because that's wasted time. I'll sleep when I'm dead is the saying, right? I damn well sure know that final rest is final. There's no turning back. So I want to do fun, incredible, things while I'm here. I don't want to sleep all day. It feels good, but I'm here. If TheDesire is just another one of my crushes that I wasted too much time on then so be it. Part of me openly wonders if she's worth it. If any woman is worth the time. And time is becoming the most important thing in my life. I am wasting time right now.

The only thing I can say right now about tonight's dinner is that at least it's done with. I wanted to use this night and gift from TheDesire as a barometer of where I stood with her. And I got my answer, in spades. She got me a gift card, that she stuffed in a box from work, which she covered with post-it notes with a Snoopy sticker we have in the library to give away to patrons. Inside it was a gift card, as I already said. THAT is what TheDesire thinks of me. When it was time to go I simply walked out without saying good night to anyone. I just bolted to my car and drove home. And here is where I am right now. Drinking a little gin, thinking of what a fool I've been to waste so much effort and time with TheDesire. I'm dumb. Just dumb. I MUST purge any feelings of love that I had for her. It's not worth it to hold on to these unrequited feelings. In fact, it's a waste of time.

Sat Dec 12, Not much to report today. Work was tedious and tiring. I only worked five hours, but since I'm still nursing this cold I felt down. It also doesn't help that my coworkers routinely abandon me on the circulation desk (as pictured above). All I can say is that I'm just glad I'm here at home in my PJs right now. Tonight was my San Marino job's holiday party. I don't think I've missed a holiday party at all since I've worked there. Tonight I just didn't feel good. And I felt bad that I ditched Dane last week as well. It didn't matter, since I was home by the time it ended. I was just not feeling well after work.

Emma posted this picture from last night on her Instagram. By the time she took the picture I was ready to go. TheDesire was but a wish that I didn't get. Good-bye, TheDesire. From this point forward no extraordinary efforts with her.

Sun Dec 13, This morning I breakfast with my aunt at IHOP. It was a pretty good sequence of events getting a table there in just a few minutes. One, we arrived in a packed parking lot, and yet we scored a spot just feet from the door. Then, my aunt went inside before I finished parking and got us a table outside in about five minutes. It was funny how we basically walked in and were seated. Woo! Now that's some good Karma.

Work was work, nothing special to talk about here.

After work I drove to Glendale to park my car at the library parking structure, because Shay was going to pick me up from there and we would carpool to Disneyland. It began raining as I got on the freeway, and was coming down like a mist, rather than really raining. Well, if only it stayed that way the rest of the night. It eventually did stop raining, but not before I was soaked. When we arrived at the park we went straight to food. And of course Shay picked a place that isn't covered, the French Market. It has outdoor seating, much of it not covered except by some really thin material that is better suited to catching the sun than to catching rain. We sat in the driest spot I could find, which isn't saying much since the rain really started to come down at that time. We ate as quickly as possible, but a good amount of rain fell on my food. I had corn chowder in a bread bowl, and when I finished it was soaked. Thankfully the rain let up after that, and I don't remember it raining the rest of the night. We were able to get on Tower of Terror twice in a row, followed by Jingle Cruise, the Matterhorn, It's a Small World, and Mr. Toad. We tried to get on Space Mountain, but the wait said an hour, and a guy we talked to on Tower of Terror said that the sign said an hour and he ended up waiting two hours. Sure enough, Shay checked her wait time app after we walked away and the wait time was over and hour. She checked later and it was even more time added to the wait. Forget it. I'll go some day on my own early and ride it. Shay tried her first Dole whip and didn't like it. She had me eat the rest of hers, but I had just downed mine. All in all a good solid trip to Disneyland, despite the rain. I don't mind the rain at Disneyland. Most of the time it discourages people from staying in the park, and that's that happened this time. A lot of people left the park when we were eating dinner, because it was really pouring rain. That lessened the wait times on the attractions.

Last thing about Shay, she drives FAST. I thought I drove fast, and I do, but she drives fast and I think too close to the drivers in front of her. I think she left no more than two car lengths in front of us as cushion. Ah, no, that's not enough when you're traveling at 80mph. There is simply not enough time to react if something happens split second. Just no. But, I survived by talking to her about relationships on the drive back to the parking structure. Found out that she has had one significant relationship in her life, through high school. Nothing since then of consequence. Found out twenty-one year olds have hit on her lately, and she doesn't feel comfortable dating that age. She is definitely single, and not that much in a hurry to change that. Unless the right guy comes along, which is the standard answer in these situations.

Mon Dec 14, The first thing I did when I arrived at work this morning in San Marino was take the picture of TheDesire off my desk board. I initially put it away, but just as I was leaving work I looked at it and tore it up. I don't want it to be where I can still kind of see it from time to time.

I talked to my coworker about Friday's dinner and subsequent gift exchange. I told her how TheDesire's gift was "wrapped" in a box from work with post-it notes on it. She likes me as a person, and told me, "Oh yeah, you need to walk away from that situation." I told her that it was my plan to see what she thought of me. And now I know. I'm not even an afterthought. I was less than that.

I went to the employee luncheon and my coworker Esther was saving a spot for me. But, while I was getting my food the new girl sat in my chair. Oh well. I was cool, I see these people all the time. This year the city was able to have our luncheon at the Huntington. It was damn cool. I so have to go to the Huntington again. Perhaps this coming Friday after my car's oil is changed. The lunch was quick, and if I hadn't gone with my other coworkers I could have stayed and toured the gardens. Like I said, perhaps Friday I'll show up.

After the luncheon I was on the circulation desk briefly, but then I went back to my office. I had some work to do, but I was falling asleep at my desk, so I quickly switched tasks. I needed to do something, so I decided to make a change on my website. TheDesire named one of my photos "Life's Elegy." She doesn't even know what that means. But I was fine with the name, because I loved her and I wanted to do anything for her. But now that the harsh reality is sinking in I decided that I should rename the photo to something more apropos, "Love's Elegy." Eventually I'll just return it to its original name, which is simply descriptive, "Moonstone Beach in the fog." That's probably the best title. Truly, to paraphrase Fitzgerald, my count of enchanted objects has diminished by one.

But you know what? Maybe it's the booze talking, but my coworker was right, now I can move on. This is not a sad time, thought I am mourning what never was with TheDesire. This is a good day, a celebration is in order. I shall celebrate my freedom from a self imposed jail of wishing for something to happen. Time to move on.

Tue Dec 15, The route was pretty standard today. TreasuryGirl wore a "bullet bra" that really put her boobs out there in my face. Jebbers! She is a very pretty girl. Now that I've moved on from dreaming that I could somehow win over TheDesire I think that I should ask TreasuryGirl out. I mean, it would be logical. She's gonna say no, but why not ask? We'll see.

I had lunch at Chevy, like I said I would. It's much better than having lunch at the other branches. I think I said this before, but no one says anything to me now that I don't eat at the other branches. No more stupid remarks. I'm in and out. Ani looked good today. She's not a slight girl, for sure, but I do love the shape of her butt. And, I think she's a great person. Still, can't seem to work things out with her. I was too focused on TheDesire, and that was dumb. As I keep saying, now that I'm relieved of that "burden" I can possibly pursue Ani. Then again part of me wonders if any woman is worth the effort. In the long run this relationship thing seems to be a losing proposition.

The rumor at the horrid Secret Santa party last week was that Krishna was knocked up. Sure enough, she told me today while at her branch. She didn't seem to excited about it. She played coy, asking if I had heard the news. What news, I asked. "Oh, never mind," she said. WTF? You brought it up. I can't just tell her I already know. I have to pretend I don't know. She did rub her belly to show me that she was showing. And yes, she is showing now. I haven't really seen her much lately, so I didn't know. I did make a joke to my buddy about how her butt was growing, and that perhaps it was because she was pregnant. And sure enough, I was right. The butt never lies.

I was talking to one of the security guards this evening before starting the second part of my shift upstairs about how the rumor is that Central will have to close because of the renovation. Sure enough, I checked my email when I was upstairs and I come across an email from Maleficent. Here is an excerpt.

We are exploring the possibility of expediting the timeline of the library project in order to shave up to four months and achieve $350,000 or more in savings. Public Works is in discussion with the contractors to determine whether this proposal is feasible and if they can meet our goals. If this were to move forward the library would need to close entirely. While this would be a disruption in service it would also mean our "new" library would open at the end of 2016 rather than the spring of 2017. I am assessing costs and temporary locations for continued service in the event this becomes a reality. Obviously a lot of details would need to be worked out, including staff assignments, before moving forward.

There you have it... another fucking over. I never understood why they didn't just close us and move us out of the building entirely from the start. I never thought they would stop midstream and come to the point that they will move us, but here is the real possibility. I can't imagine that the money is the issue, rather the timeline. I'm sure I've mentioned it, but the timeline has already been pushed back. As stated in the email, they are projecting finishing Spring of 2017. Originally that was supposed to be January 2017. But they're already three months behind on the project. I feel that this move is more about finishing on time, than the money. $350,000 is a nice bit of money, but it is only 2.4% (rounded up) of the total $15 million they're spending on this. Yes, the amount still represents real money, but they already have this budgeted, so I wonder where this savings is coming from. Especially since relocation isn't going to be free. This is just another example of poor management from the start of this project. However, the amount being really small I wonder what they're not telling us. Fucking assholes.

Wed Dec 16, Monday's holiday luncheon that I attended was nice, so I thought. Perhaps the variety of food was not there, but the Huntington's facilities were really nice. And it was kept short and sweet. Just fucking feed me and shut up, that's what I think. Today pseudo supervisor mentioned that one of the administration guys upstairs said it was bad. He mentioned the lack of food. We didn't really have a choice, just chicken, salad, mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables and rolls. That was pretty much it. No vegetarian options except for the vegetables, as always. Still, my belly was full, which is all I cared about. Still, he was saying that it really was lacking this year, and blamed the outgoing Recreation supervisor for the lack of food and decorations. In year's past we have had this luncheon in the park, and in the center next door. I liked all the other occasions, because I was fed. But yeah, when you look at it past that it was lacking. It's said that many are happy to see the recreation manager go, since she was just coasting at her job lately. I don't know that first hand. If she was, then yes, it's time for that to end. Time to get some fresh blood in there.

After talking to pseudo supervisor about my latest project, and getting some lunch it was time for my desk shift. It was pretty uneventful. Which is fine. Next week it promises to be even more quiet, seeing as the kids will be off for winter break. It will be nice to have that time on the desk to get this terrible project finished before open house next month. T was out sick today, so her replacement came on to the desk earlier than normal, 5:15 instead of 5:30. I was good with that. She left me off early, so I could jet out the door and get to TheGirl's earlier as well.

I picked the spot for tonight's dinner, a pub up the street from TheGirl's place with good fish & chips. Well, too bad the place was packed because of a holiday party. We thought about where to go, and we ended up going to a place we had been before, and it was just a few feet from our first choice. But, of course they had a holiday party going on there. Last time we were there found the food to be OK, but not great. Also, the service was super slow. Same thing happened this time. Damn shame. These dinners are good times, and they should also be about good food. Too bad my meal was just OK tonight, and I only had one drink at dinner, because our waitress didn't come back in time. By the time she came back and asked if I wanted more to drink we just wanted to go home. TheGirl still needed to walk her dog. TheGirl sure does seem to bring up TheHusband a lot lately. I guess they've been hanging out a lot lately. She was going to go with her to Laughlin a couple of weeks ago, but she didn't want to go. She thinks that town is ghetto. Never been, but I assume it's no Vegas. I bring this up because the frequency of mentions has gone up. Which makes me wonder why she tells me this stuff. I still wonder if TheChisel is around. But, if she's hanging out more with TheHusband, I suspect that he may not be around right now. Last I remember he was going up to Canada for a little while. How long that little while I don't know. But it could explain why she hasn't mentioned him to me, and has been mentioning TheHusband more. Oh well.

Thu Dec 17, I don't know where my mind was today, but it certainly wasn't on the route. I totally missed so many things today. I forgot to get the items for my once a month special delivery to the retirement home on Los Feliz. I also forgot the city hall mail. I had to double back to Central in order to get the mail and the special delivery. Dumb, just dumb. It added to my time, and prevented me from taking a full lunch. Hey, it was my fault, so I had to deal with it with my off time.

The fucking Universe likes to rub salt into the wound. I don't know how many people mentioned TheDesire to me today. "Did you see her at the Christmas party on Tuesday," they all asked. The double whammy was that they also mentioned, Did you see TheGirl at the party as well? I don't know how many people mentioned that TheGirl was looking for me at work. Which makes me wonder why she was looking for me when she saw me the night before, and would see me the next day at dinner. I asked her last night at dinner and she just said she wanted to see me. Ah, again, I had just seen her and was going to see her the next day. I wonder if she had something planned to get these idiots talking. That wasn't salt though, it was all TheDesire mentions. Not only asking if I saw her at the Christmas party on Tuesday, but that she was going to the city's Christmas party tonight. Ah, I have to work until 10pm tonight, I would remind them. Never did I like my crazy schedule more than when they asked me if I was going to the city party. Fuck no! I wouldn't go anyways. TheGirl was going to be there with TheHusband, as well as TheDesire being there. Those are two situations I wanted to avoid. Thankfully I did. Still, TheDesire's ghost being present sucks dick. I'm trying to forget her and she keeps popping up. There was a time I wanted nothing more out of life than to share my life with TheDesire. Actually, that goes for TheGirl as well. I'm still friends with TheGirl, but at least I can say I was intimate with her. TheDesire, I question if what we had was even a friendship. Her hanging out with me is still a puzzle. Why go out with me even after knowing I'm interested? I like how women think that if they reject us, and say that they want to remain friends with them that it somehow means that we will automatically not see them in a romantic way. We still do, we just have to live with the reality of our situation. We want to remain in their lives, so we stay friends with them. Hoping that some day that friendship will turn into a relationship, because they see how we are and they like us... as friends. But women never see things that way. When they are a man's friend they remain that. Unless there was already some underlying attraction that was never acted upon. In my case, TheDesire has no underlying romantic attraction to me. So yeah, it's in her nature to not get that I still liked her, despite her shooting me down. Our hangouts meant something more to me. They were like an audition, but she didn't take them as such. Which is perfectly logical, but I was hoping I still had a chance to win her over. In short, I was applying for a job, but TheDesire had already thrown away my application for not fitting the qualifications.

Lastly, I had a bit of a run-in with a patron tonight. Some dopey patron that comes in all the time and seemingly never pays for her prints. She wanted to have me print out her work for free. I refused, and she had be an idiot and tell me that was robbed, and that she didn't have the money. I recorded the whole conversation, just in case she wanted to claim I said something wrong. I wanted evidence against that possibility. I told her she needed to pay, and did not release her prints. At one point I told her that if she didn't have the money to pay for her prints than she needed to not print anything out, equating it to going to a restaurant. You wouldn't walk into a restaurant with no money, hoping they'll give you some food for free. Then why print out stuff you can't afford to pay? The logic was too much for her, because she changed the subject, asking me if I was alright, and then asking, "Do you know what met is?" I was pretty sure she meant meth, but I played dumb. I wasn't going to meet her half way on anything. I told her I didn't know. She went downstairs and they printed one page for her, and deleted the rest. She's a troublemaking regular to the library. I'm glad I stood my ground.

One of the last things I used to do was check on TheDesire's desk for some clue into what her day was like, her life, whatever. No more. Tonight I pulled the plug on her computer monitor, like some last prank or something. Later I thought that she might figure it was me, defeating the purpose of me doing this thing, because I don't want any interactions with her. I need to totally step away from this whole thing until I can possibly have the maturity to just be her friend. Since that's never going to happen I just need to not interact with her that much anymore. This endeavor is done. I failed at my quest to win her over. I never really had a chance, despite my hopes that if I just tried a little harder it would happen. Thing is, I lost the race even before I got into the starting gate. I could have run the fastest time on the track, it wouldn't have mattered. I was disqualified from the race before I even entered it. Fucking shame.

Fri Dec 18, I scheduled my car for an oil change today. Knowing that perhaps other things would be needed. Sure enough, my simple oil change turned into so much more money going out the door. They wanted me to get new tires. I think I'll go to the same place I go to in Van Nuys for tires. They will cost me much less than the prices the dealer was quoting me. I got out of there having paid $300+ for all the service needed today. This in a week in which I will drop $4,000 on roof repairs. Nothing but more debt. Fucking shit! And with the looming doom of lost hours at Glendale I feel I need to get a third job. I want to get out from under this debt in the next ten years. Better five, but that's unrealistic. Being so close to finishing up paying for my car I want to use that money to pay off my debts. But of course they keep growing. Fucking shit!

After the service to the car I drove out to Pasadena with the notion of depositing some money from my collection of quarters that I saved up this year. All together I had $120 in quarters, but I needed some money back for this coming week. I deposited $80, which I'll put towards my Am Ex card. I thought about going to the Huntington with the remainder of my time, before I went home. But, I wanted to wash my car, and that became the priority. I finished and then went to my job's parking structure to take a nap. I took about an hour long nap. I woke up, and drove home. There my aunt had more roof "good news." She thought the guy fixing the roof had ripped her off by buying too many roof shingles and taking a bunch of them with him. There's no way to prove that, of course, so what can we do?

Speaking of the roof, it's nearly done. Fucking only took two weeks. Actually, that's what I expected it to take. It's good times, and of course more debt. But, at least it will be fixed and the coming rains won't be a worry. I always had this fear that that part of the house would fall in a big storm. I hope that this guy did a good job at this. We shall see.

Sat Dec 19, As is the custom these days as soon as I get to work I get on the desk and I'm abandoned. this time Junior was on the desk with me, however she was more interested in talking about the possible closure of the library. which, I am it is a pressing issue. however, that does not mean that you can just abandon me on the desk. But like I said it seems like this is the norm now. Because I can handle myself on a desk they leave me alone in the desk, it's as it simple as that. Aside that nothing really else extraordinary happened today. Just the grind. I did hear a couple of the librarians talk about how this possible closure is very stupid, and that management does not care about us. I can't say that I figured they would close the library, but I guess I should have figured that they are so incompetent that it would come down to think. I often forgot just how stupid management is here. I feel like it hangs out to dry.

I'm not going to going to the history of this project, what I will say is that 2015 was supposed to be the completion date not the start date. Certainly some of that delay was because of the money issue. But that also meant that they had two additional years to figure out certain things that could go wrong with this project. I'm certain that they didn't even think about the problems that are coming up now. Such as A/C issues, excessive noise from the construction, and hitting snags that delay the project. They simply live their lives in gleeful ignorance, like they always do. Because their jobs are guaranteed, they really never have to worry about anything.

Speaking of stupid, the city is changing some things in payroll. As a result they need to have new time cards. But have they designed these new time cards? No, they haven't. So, for the time being will have to live with these sheets of paper as our time cards. These "time cards" are needlessly complicated and are the perfect illustration of the depths of the stupidity of those employed by the city.

Mon Dec 21, Glendale asked me to cover a late shift tonight from 7pm to 10pm. That meant I was going to cut my shift at San Marino short. No problem. Especially since pseudo supervisor said she wasn't even going to show up on Mondays. Of course she shows up. Thankfully she didn't say anything about me leaving early. I didn't really accomplish much on my shortened shift. But what the fuck to I care at this point.

it's the same old story... I've been abandoned

My Glendale shift was whatever. Of course I was abandoned. It was quiet tonight, even more so than usual at night. Over the weekend someone called the library and one of the librarians, it would seem from my sources, told the patron that we might be closing due to "budget cuts" and the renovation. Not sure why they would say that, but I suspect that they didn't tell the patron budget cuts, but did tell them about the renovation. Who knows, as I write this I'm checking my sources.

What follows is an excerpt of Maleficent's email to us all after she got wind of what was told to the patron. But, before I say that, I have some information from my source. It turns out the patron called in and knew about the possible closure and wondered if it was a budget issue. The librarian didn't commit either way, saying he didn't know. Which makes me, once again, wonder if this is some manufactured excuse to prevent us from saying anything to the public before they fuck them and us over. I wanted to post Maleficent's email here, but thought better of it. Instead, I'll paraphrase what she wrote.

In the email she points out that the hours have actually increased at Central, and that any change in schedule is to have the contractor have the time to do things they need to do to hurry the project along. Fair enough, I say. The thing is that the email really just addresses possible misinformation to the public in terms of possibly closing Central. Maleficent mentions plenty of notice will be given to the public before any moves are made. She adds at the end of the email that, "Every effort will be made to avoid layoffs." This is all bullshit!

I told my buddy that if we can just keep our wits about us we cant make it through this. Perhaps I'm trying to make us both feel better, but I truly believe that they still need us, the drivers. We are, funny enough, valuable. We can do anything, and we are actually cheaper than most of the other workers there. Two pluses. Still, that doesn't mean we aren't expendable. Everyone is in that place.

Tue Dec 22, Another wasted day. There was a movement this morning when I considered just staying home until I had to go to my evening shift since it's raining out. A moment later my aunt was yapping about something as I brushed my teeth and I knew I couldn't stay home. Having to pretend to go to work is an old gig for me. In the past I used to pretend to go to school, but what I really did was go to the park and sit there until my "class" was "over." Since I don't work Tuesdays at San Marino nowadays, because of budget issues, I now have the entire first half of the day to kill. I don't have to start work at Glendale until 7 pm. Which means almost the entire day is wasted. I sleep in my car for a good chunk of the day. I should go to some landmarks, but I don't. I just end up sleeping most of the day.

Today I went to Griffith park. I sat in my car near Ferndell. I slept until I had to pee. I then drove up to the Observatory. It was pretty packed.

Assholes continue to assume that because they see an empty parking spot that they can just park there. No, you assholes, it's reserved. Parking that van is tough enough without having to then deal with the van's spot being taken. No more. Tonight as I went into work early to take a piss, I saw this fucking car in the van's spot. I was going to make a special delivery tonight, so I knew I would have to deal with this stupid dummy parking in the spot. Despite wanting to pee I needed to get this fucker a ticket more. I called parking enforcement, who arrived in a few minutes. I pointed out the car and the guy proceeded to give this car a ticket. I'm not going to let up on this. I'm tired of this. The parking structure people won't help us out, I'm taking matters into my own hand. I also plan on writing an email to one of the administrators upstairs. This has to stop. It won't, but this is now my mission. To get every asshole that parks in the van's spot a ticket. Because it makes my job THAT much more difficult. They will pay!

I was told about a special delivery to two of the branches. Squire and I were tasked to take four chairs to one of the branches, trade three of them, and then take the three old chairs, and one new chair, to another branch. Little did I know that the branch was having their holiday party. Squire and I crashed the party, so to speak. Mala told us to take some pizza, since I insisted that we had to leave. I would have stayed, but I had to get back on the desk at Central. Also, I wasn't invited, so I truly felt that I wasn't wanted there. Our arrival just happened to be a coincidence, I felt. The whole gang was there, Shay included. Not sure why she went to the party, but oh well. And, as I said, Vagabundo and I were not invited. No skin off my nose. When I told my buddy about Shay being there he was happy that he didn't get an invitation. I was happy not to run into TheDesire. The longer I don't see her the better. No use interacting with her right now. Maybe in the future. For now, I don't care to see her.

The rest of my shift was whatever. It was unusually quiet on the computers upstairs. Guess many people didn't want to be in the library tonight. Fine by me. The less the merrier. I went home and became hungry about an hour after I arrived. I was talking to my buddy on the phone when I decided to heat up some of that pizza that Mala insisted I take. I should have just left it for my aunt, or given it to Dane tonight, because the fucking pizza was horrible. It was flavorless. The crust was hard, the toppings seems to fight against each other, and the sauce was weak and had zero flavor. I'm pretty sure I know where the pizza is from. I've had a slice there before, long ago when I was still seeing TheGirl. We had lunch up at the Montrose location of this particular pizza chain.

Wed Dec 23, I showed up to work with every intention of hitting the ground running. Problem is, this fucking project. I fucking hate this timeline project. I wish I didn't have to do it, at all. Alas, I'll have to force it to get this thing done on time. ARGH! It's fucking bullshit. And now which this possible pending closure at Glendale it's even more important that I find myself another job. Of course I would prefer full time, but those jobs don't exist, it would seem. Still, there was a lot to do, like process some Friend's memberships, change the images on the big TV screen, and seemingly ten other things. Oh, the boss gave me a new assignment for an author's series poster. Good times.

My desk shift wasn't busy at all. Most of the time I just wanted to write this journal, but my frequent guess showed up and I ended up talking to him for the balance of my shift. And then the new guy shows up at 5pm instead of 5:30. Jokes on him, I just let him field all the questions at that point. I just wanted the shift to end quickly. LaFlor and I did have to do harassment training on the computer this morning, which also ate some time. Too bad she wasn't on the afternoon shift. She's still nice to view. Aside from that work was whatever.

Maleficent said that hopefully she would have an answer for us this week. I think she must have thought it over and decided to postpone the tragedy until after New Years, when we're all sloshed with booze. Someone at work last night mentioned that they STILL don't know what they're going to do. That's fucking typical that they wait until the VERY last moment to figure this shit out. I fucking hate how incompetent they are.

And then there was dinner. I have been looking forward to nothing more than this dinner. It didn't disappoint. All I wanted was to just sit down to a nice meal and relax. Mission accomplished. We exchanged gifts. I gave her an arm band holder for her cell phone, and a James Dean t-shirt. The shirt was originally to be given to TheDesire. But no way I was going to give her anything after the secret Santa fiasco. Thankfully it fit, since both TheGirl and TheDesire are the same size.

Dinner was yummy. I played a lot with TheGirl's dog after dinner, tiring us both out. TheGirl said something tonight about kicking an "Asshole out of her life," but she wasn't more specific than that. Was it FINALLY TheChisel? Was it NiceJewishBoy? Her statement demands more details. But, suffice to say she mentioned again that she is through with dating. I've heard that before. Then again, I can't judge. I say it all the time as well. And then I get horny and the want comes back for a brief moment. Until I can jerk-off and "get the poison out." Ha!

Oh, and what did TheGirl get me for Christmas? Three bags of Fritos and a summer sausage. She said, "You said you wanted Fritos." Technically I did, but still. I dropped $30 on her arm band, which doesn't fit her phone, so I went online immediately to exchange it for a larger size, which costs more... $45. Still, I don't mind, because our friendship is worth more. She's still a great friend. Certainly she at least cares for me.

Fri Dec 25, Yesterday and today were carbon copies of each other. Both days I woke up late, though yesterday I woke up nearly at noon, and today I woke up at 9am. Still, I was able to sleep in. Finally! It fucking sucks that I have to wait for these couple of days in the year to get some sleep. The only thing I had to do today was take my aunt up to a party that she's worked the last few years. Well, last year she didn't, but they called her again this year. The house I take her to is up in the Encino hills.

When I returned from dropping off my aunt I went to McD's to get some food. I had some food at home, but I didn't want to eat it. I didn't feel like eating that stuff, and I wanted to have a hot meal. On my way back I bought the food, and enjoyed it. Then I jerked-off, which of course I enjoyed. I wanted to have a drink, but no way I could have one until I picked up my aunt. After I picked her up she went to bed, tired, and I had a drink.

A little something about yesterday. The workmen that are fixing the house next door put up a fence yesterday (as shown above). I like that there is now some sort of barrier between the new neighbor and me. From the pictures I've posted up here before you can see that there wasn't much to hide. My aunt even mentioned it. I figure that we would get some curtains. The fence pretty much takes care of that privacy issue. Still, some curtains wouldn't hurt.

I was going over some of my old entries from the past year so I could write my wrap-up portion of this journal/newsletter when I came upon some entries that made me think. Many months ago I pointed out a poster for TheDesire, which she needed for her stupid author event. I printed that poster on the printer at my other job. Now I don't print out things for personal use on that printer, because I feel the boss has trusted me not to do such a thing. But, of course as soon as TheDesire needs something I break that rule. She was thankful at the time. I think back at our whole Secret Santa thing and I wonder why she didn't remember that as something significant during this year. Simple.. she doesn't care about me. I knew that. I guess I figured that at the very least she would remember that moment and not only get me a better Christmas gift, but also put more of an effort into the giving of the gift. Boy, was I wrong. It just confirms that she is not for me. Confirms what I already knew.

Sat Dec 26, Not much to report today. The one thing I wanted to do today was get new tires for my car. I went to a place in Van Nuys, and within half an hour I had my new tires on the car. $300 for all four. The dealer was quoting me a price closer to $500 with labor. I still need to get a wheel alignment, but that will come next month. For now the priority was to get new tires. The old tires were worn down pretty good.

After the tires I went back home and just rested some more. I could get used to just sitting around doing nothing. That was my life long ago, and it's funny that I never really tired of that. I always had something to do. Alas, today it's all work, work, work, bills, bills, bills.

Sun Dec 27, Not much to report on from work today. It was a quiet day. Nothing too crazy, thankfully. After not having been at work since Wednesday I figured I might get a shock going back to work and dealing with idiots. I mean patrons. Thankfully it was quiet. Thankfully it wasn't too bad, and thankfully the new guy carries more of the weight than I do. I defer to him with most things.

After work I met up with my buddy at a taco place in Van Nuys for dinner, or as he called it, "A bastardo dinner." I was down. The place in Van Nuys has great sopes. Both of us ordered a pair, and both of us loved it. We talked about many things, such as Shay. Not so much about TheDesire, because I've pretty much dealt with all my feelings there. There are no feelings for her any more. Shay is still a fresh wound to my buddy, and I know that he still has to talk this thing out, and deal with it, process it. But, he also knows that it's done. Shay isn't interested, and probably wasn't the girl for him. I didn't tell him this, but certainly he was first attracted to her physical attributes, aka her big boobs. They are big, and when she shows them off they are nice. But her physical appearance aside, I can't say that I could see them together, since it seems that she had nothing in common. My buddy tried and tried to more than meet her half way, but to no avail. He tried, I know he tried. However, it just wasn't meant to be. She wasn't interested, and even if she was the whole thing might not have lasted too long. Unless the sexual component trumped everything else. We will never know now.

Mon Dec 28, It has been quite cold lately. Today I had to scrap ice off my windshield. Taking a shower was an adventure as well. I had to quickly jump into the already warm water of the shower. I try to conserve water by turning off the water while I clean myself. But not now, with this cold. Sorry.

Work was work. Pseudo supervisor wanted something from me at the end of the day so that she can see where we are in terms of this project. This project I really hate. This project that could be simple, but is needlessly complex. Whatever, I don't want to do it and it shows. I also had my evaluation today. I did well, nearly all aces. I was told to keep the socializing down to a minimum. I have to have a talk with one patron in particular that sticks around the desk when I'm there a little too much. I've wanted to tell him something as well, since I do have work to do. Not that I get much work done while I'm on the reference desk, but with him around I get less done. I thought I heard that I was going to get a raise from my current $15.44 an hour to $18 an hour. That's nuts. That will also help me out a lot. Even with my diminished hours. I'm pretty sure I heard wrong. Lastly, they do think I should go back to school in order to move up higher in the organization. I can't move any higher as it is now. I'm not sure what to do.

Tonight's visit with TheGirl was a little different tonight. First off, before I get to that I wanted to mention that I went to a Carl's by TheGirl's place. In the past I have bought a Super Star and it's cost me nearly $10. That's nuts. They have a special going on, two burgers for $5. I figured, buy both and take one bun away from each one and combine the two into a great burger. It worked, the burger was awesome.

The visit with TheGirl was different tonight because she had to drive out to Glendale to deposit some checks. Mainly her alimony check. If she didn't do it tonight she wouldn't have time to do it this entire week, and she needs the money for her rent. After she walked her dog we both went to Glendale to deposit her checked using the ATM. Then we went to Portos for some cookies. Then we went home, where I played with her dog. It is hard to imagine that when she first got her dog it wanted to rip my throat out. Today, we're always playing.

As I was driving home I thought about how last week Glendale asked me to possibly work tonight, but then told me that they would get back at me, but then didn't. If they were still publishing the schedule online I could check. But since they don't publish the schedule online any more, the only reason I used to go on was to check what time TheDesire was working. As I thought about how I don't miss checking if she's working I thought about how I used to wish that I could work with her on the desk as much as possible. That's all changed now. I don't care if I work with her or not. I don't look forward to doing so, nor do I miss checking the schedule. I'll likely see her tomorrow, but if I ever have a thought of thinking I should give it another shot all I have to do is remember that fucking box my gift card came in. THAT's what she thinks of you, I'll repeat to myself. I can't be the same old dope I've always been. I don't want to be writing about this next year, like I was a year ago.

I nearly forgot. One of my coworkers at SM is this petite Latina that I've liked from the start. She and I kinda flirt. I think she likes me in a way, certainly she likes me as a coworker. But, I think that if she wasn't married she would want to have a fling. Today she touched my hand, and I could feel that she flinched even as I didn't put away. I've always had a little crush on her, and I think it shows. Last week I made a remark about how I should find a job taking pictures of naked ladies. She laughed. She later wanted to tell me something and I interrupted by saying, "I thought you were going to say you wanted to pose." That made her laugh, but also something else. I don't want to say it excited her, but if I was a betting man I would say she was a little excited. That being said, even if she was interested neither of us is going to make a move. That is all.

Tue Dec 29, This morning I come in and I'm informed that my Pasadena delivery will have to wait, since I need to delivery some shelves to one of the branches. OK. It was a fairly easy special delivery, but it did eat up about an hour and a half of my route time. I knew I would make it up on the route, but still. While on the special delivery Krishna took the time to ask the administration guy that was helping me move the shelves if there had been a decision made on whether they were going to close Central to catch up on the construction. Nope, he said. I want to think they already know, but aren't saying. However, knowing how stupid they are it's more a possibility that they really don't know what to do. Since they half-ass everything they do, why not half-ass this decision? It's in their nature to do this kind of shit, and then screw us over in the process. I also figure that if they do know they won't tell us until after new years. They don't want to spoil our holidays, but they are willing to spoil the new year. Fucking idiots.

Not much happened today. The route was whatever. The late shift had a moment where I had to kick everyone off the computers, because the time was wrong on the computer and despite the announcement that we were closing in fifteen minutes they patrons were still on the computers. They are set to automatically log everyone out at 9:45pm, but it was past that and I looked over one of the patron's shoulders and noticed she still had forty-five minutes left on her session. Oh no, I thought. I'm not getting out late because of some shit like this. I quickly logged everyone off. Thankfully they got the hint and left. That, was a close one.

Wed Dec 30, The boss comes into my office this morning and says that someone can't make it in today, and will I switch my shift and work in the early afternoon instead of the late afternoon? Sure, what else can I say? She says, great, you're working noon to two. Solid. I did a little work on my current project, and at noon went onto the reference desk. LaFlor was working around that time. Someone said she's a lesbian, and at times I have wondered. However, I do wonder how much validity that story holds. She's cute, Latina, and has warmed up to me lately. Of course I'd like to sleep with her. She's probably the most attractive of my San Marino coworkers. Although, there's a new girl that has a really pretty face that has caught my attention. Of course I'm not going to ask either of them out. I don't want to ask any one out. I'm tired right now, and I'm still licking my wounds from that whole TheDesire fiasco at Secret Santa dinner. That is still such a slap in the face. Also, I hate to admit it, but a relationship is just a means to an end at this point. The end being getting laid. Not to say a relationship with say LaFlor wouldn't expand into much more than just sleeping together. I would like that to happen, it's just not the priority.

TheGirl didn't even debate where we were going to have dinner tonight.. Mucho Mas. The food there is passable. Nothing overly great, but the margaritas are potent. The dinner was nice, she told me about her plans for tomorrow night. Originally she wanted to spend the night alone, but her daughter decided she wanted to come over and spend the night. TheGirl asked her daughter if she and her boyfriend weren't doing anything, and I guess the answer was no. Hence her daughter going over to TheGirl's place for New Year's Eve. Before that she planned on having a drink with a girlfriend of hers that she met on the bike path where she walks her dog. I told her how last night I wondered why she was going to bed so early, since the computer I was on was saying it was 7:40pm when she said she was going to bed. Stupid computers upstairs have the wrong time on them, so when she sent me the text I looked at the clock in the corner and it said 7:40pm. I looked at my phone and of course it wasn't anywhere near 7:40. TheGirl got a good laugh out of that. The next laugh was on me. TheGirl, remembering the story I told her about my old buddy Joe telling restaurants that it was my birthday, went up to the wait staff, when she said she was going to go to the bathroom, and told them it was my birthday. Sure enough, they brought me out a birthday flan. It was OK, not that good at all. But, it was free.

Thu Dec 31, For no good reason, other than, "We're all starting at that time," I started work today at 8am. Fucking shit. For the last few weeks I've been having trouble getting up at my regular wake up time of 6:30am. I always fall back to sleep. Thankfully I don't have to start work at 8am these days. Which allows me the time to wake up later and still make it to work on time. Today's wake up time was 5:30am, because I knew it would take me time to wake up, and also because I feared I would sleep right through the alarm. I even set a second alarm close to 6am. I didn't need it, because I woke up on my own three minutes before my first alarm went off. It was still good to have it as a reminder to get out of bed. Mind you, it's also super cold in the morning, so it's that much more of a struggle to get out of bed.

I arrived at work, little bit early, and started packing the van with Pasadena bins. I arrive at Pasadena at about 8:45. When I used to drive earlier I would arrive at Pasadena at that time, and sometimes the chains that keep people out of the parking lot were still locked. One of the guys would come out and open the "gates" at 8:45 or a little after. Well, today it was 8:55 and nothing. I finally went ahead and parked the van legally, since I was in the red before that, and walked up to the dock area to see what the deal was. Before I even got to the dock area I saw the sign posted on the library's back entrance. They were closed today. Great, just great, I thought. I came to work earlier for nothing. So, I walked back to the van and drove it back to Glendale. I went to city hall, filled the tank with gasoline, and then went back to home base where I took all the Pasadena bins and left them inside for the Pasadena guy to pick up on Monday.

Upon arrival at Central I noticed that despite the fact that we were open, pseudo open, there wasn't anyone outside in the wi-fi cafe. Granted, when I first arrived the tables weren't up yet. But within a few minutes, as I took the bins out of the van, there should have been some people showing up just so we could shoo them away. But no. The library was a ghost town. I suspect that many people simply figured we were closed. Because every other library was closed, including Pasadena, and my other job. Oh well, what did I care, I thought to myself.

This idiot, parked in my boss' spot, kept me from going back into the library before 4:45. I have drawn a line in the sand. I will not rest until I get every car that parks in these reserve spots a ticket. I pulled the van into the spot and immediately called parking enforcement. They told me they were sending a car over, but I waited, and waited, and waited. Nearly half a fucking hour and they never showed. The car was still there when I decided to leave and go back into work at 4:50. When I left work and walked back to the parking structure the car was gone. I'm sure blissfully unaware that they parked in a restricted parking spot. I still won't rest. I was able to show one of the administration guys the car as he left the garage. I told him I would write him an email about it later. I want to go through the proper channels, but those are clogged up, and my boss is incompetent, and a do nothing. I'm tired of the fucking parking lot personnel not doing anything about this. Just tired. I lost this round, but I won't lose the battle.

I came home, ate some pizza that Jr. gave me to take home tonight. It hit the spot, and put me in a food coma. I passed out, and woke up at around 8:30. I watched some TV and decided to write this last journal entry of the year. I will have a drink later on, and then jerk off to ring in the new year. I do miss being intimate on new years. I asked a lot of people what they were planning on doing tonight, after they asked me what I was doing. Almost everyone said they were staying home tonight and just chilling. Yeah. Me too, I told them. I wouldn't have the energy to do anything anyway. Which is bad. In years past, when I was dating TheGirl, we went out New Year's Eve and did stuff. Two years we went to Orange Grove and checked out the floats before the parade. One year we went to Knott's Berry Farm. It wasn't that great, but it was better than being home. And now the last two new years I've just been home, drinking and jerking off before going to sleep. Something has to change. Hell, a lot of things need to change.

P.S. It's 10:20pm and I'm putting the finishing touches on the pictures that go along with these entries, and I just realized how quiet it was in my room. For a moment there my room was silent. Even the freeway next door didn't have any sound coming from it. The only sound I could hear was the fan from the TV, and my typing. That's still the sound I hear, with the occasional car driving past in the distance.

Wrap-up, The following is a list of what I wanted to get done in 2015.
1) Continue with my "Tourist Pictures" project that I started a few months ago.
2) Get laid. Seems pretty straight forward, but easier said than done for me.
3) Get my photography seen. Again, easier said than done.
4) Take at least one trip. Ideally I'd like to go somewhere I haven't been, but I'd really like to go back up to S.F.

I did continue to do my "Tourist Pictures" project, though I only went out a couple of times this year. I didn't get laid. As a matter of fact I failed pretty miserably when it came to love and sex in general. It was a year ago around this time that I made up my mind to stop pursuing TheDesire. Which of course stupid me went back on. Will it stick this time? I think so. Mainly because of that Secret Santa dinner. That was a fucking mess. Getting my photography noticed has been difficult, especially since I've only put it out there a few times. I didn't win any of the contests I entered, my photo wasn't even bid on at the library's annual fundraiser, and my submission to Brand was rejected as well. A perfect goose-egg there. I did take more than one trip. The last two being quite significant. The trip to San Simeon was nice, because I needed the time away. The trip to Carmel/Big Sur reminds me that I need to visit that place still. I would have liked to have had more photos come out of both trips, but I got what I needed, to get away.

Something else that has been featured this year is repairs. The pipes, my car, and lately the roof. The car not so costly, but the roof and the pipes have added so much debt to my bottom line. However, at least those are two things I won't have to worry about for hopefully a long time. Now I just have to pay the debt I have. Which only keeps growing. It never lessens. I'm fucking tired of not having enough to pay off these bills entirely.

Food and Disneyland featured a lot this year. I had many food missions, and many Disneyland adventures. Food is always important, but as I look back at this year I had some really good food this year. Disneyland was super fun. I don't honestly know how many times I went this year, but it has to be more than a couple of dozen times. Having gone with Snow and Shay was different. You might say that Disneyland makes for strange "bed fellows."

The biggest thing I've had to deal with all year is stupid people. I don't know if people are getting stupider, but it sure does seem that way to me. It wears me out, and I think that if I didn't have to deal with such stupidity that I wouldn't drink as much as I do. It's a constant thing. I'm not sure I have the ability to continue "fighting the good fight" against this Tsunami of idiots, but I feel I must. Must if only to resist what everyone has already agreed on, that nothing matters. Well things do matter. Otherwise life doesn't matter. And ultimately that's why I have to resist all this. Because, all the people that do this are more akin to zombies than to humans. I've never been one to follow. I'm not going to start now.