The year is more than half done. I really can't believe that it's already August. Saying that, here is the update.

Fri July 1, Everyone was wishing me a happy long weekend last night at work. Ah, I work at my other job this weekend, dummies. Sure enough, I had work today. I had my shadow with me on the desk, M2. M2 was looking for a book, but the sorting room in circulation was a fucking mess. The picture above is of a cart we have out so that when a patron is done with a book that they decided they aren't going to check out it's to be placed on this cart. It's usually cleared in the morning, but this morning it was still packed with books from the night before. I'm not sure what the pages are doing, but it certainly isn't sorting books. The state of the library shelves, in the back and where I looked for books today, was horrible. The circulation manager needs to buckle down and get the clerks and pages to clean up the shelves, check in books and not just leave them on carts. All this is very simple stuff, and it was stuff that I did when I was clerking. But this new set of clerks aren't shown to do this, so why would they volunteer to do such things? No one has initiative to do this sort of stuff.

And then there's my shadow. She seems nice, but it's awkward when I can't find anything to talk to someone about. And that's the case with this M2 girl. I think she's not a dope, and she has helped me when I'm on the desk, but I also wonder how she can just sit next to me without doing anything. She was just staring into space for a while. It was kinda creepy. I don't know, she'll probably work out in the long run. Who knows. I certainly don't care either way right now.

Throughout the morning I was wondering what I was going to have for lunch. But then when I got off work and in my car and I didn't want to go to Tommy's, as I originally thought of doing. I thought it better to rush home and try to beat the traffic. I didn't, and the drive home was so difficult because all I wanted to do was sleep. Sleep the entire drive home.

The commute home was not easy. I could not keep my eyes open, and every mile or so I would find myself drifting away and having to overcompensate with my braking. When I finally got home I decided against going to get fast food and just going home. I changed into a pair of short and decided that it was best if I just took a nap. Little did I know that nap would be a couple of hours long. I was tired after the long hours during the week, and dealing with the heat. Also, I'm just mentally tired and frustrated. Everything is getting to me these days. From work being such bullshit, to every fucking cocksucker on the road driving like they want to kill me, to seeing TheDesire and wanting to kiss her, and a whole bunch of other things I can't even list here, it's all just getting to me these days.

My aunt being a dope doesn't help either. When I woke up she threw the fact that I didn't commit to taking her to Costco this weekend in my face. I fucking HATE that motherfucking store. If she's willing to go in by herself I'm good with waiting outside. I don't want to go to that store. I'm already frustrated enough without having to deal with the idiots that shop there. Also, when the fuck does she want me to take her? Monday they're going to be closed. I work on Sunday, and I worked today. Saturday is the only day, but I don't want to be here at home with her. I feel like fleeing, to be anywhere but here. My aunt was saying how my cousin's husband hides from my cousin by going to work. Ah yeah, because he can't find a restful moment at home. That's my situation. I don't find rest here at home, so I rather pretend to go to work. It's incredibly frustrating and certainly that frustration adds to all the other things that I don't want to deal with right now.

Sat July 2, It's a little past 2am Saturday morning and I'm watching a movie I like online. It's about a break-up. It has made me think that I really should write this story. Friday I had so much doubt in my heart that I could do this someday. And by this I mean write a novel. But now I know I can do it. I just don't want it to be horrible. I don't want it to be like the novels people check out at the library. Those things are tripe.

I was texting Dane this morning before leaving for "work" and I said something to him that I need to voice here. It's no great revelation that we tend to be with those who are similar to ourselves. Who we are with is a direct reflection of what we are. What does that say about me? What does it also mean about TheDesire? We are so dissimilar that we probably wouldn't have worked out in the end. I was sure willing to try. Obviously she wasn't inclined.

I got my stuff ready and went to "work" in San Marino. I was thinking about how I seem to see the seams these days. By that I mean that I think I've reached a level where I see things happening and can know why they are happening and what the consequences will be. It's like a feeling that comes to me, like a spider sense. It's strange, because that means I think I know what's coming next. A phrase from a movie kept going through my mind as I drove to San Marino... there is no spoon. Meaning that all of this reality is something besides what we think of as "reality." It's something deeper. I think someone like the Buddha reached this other state of seeing and understanding. I think that I might be reaching that level.

And then just as I was thinking that and exiting the freeway I nearly crashed head on with a fire van. A van was running with lights and siren, but I honestly didn't hear the siren. Not even when the car was just feet in front of me and I swerved to avoid it. It was a close call. Strangely I didn't get that surge of adrenaline that I've gotten in the past in similar situations. Still, it doesn't mean that if the timing was a little different that I would be in the hospital right now.

Sun July 3, I fucking hate going to Costco, but my aunt said she needed some stuff from the store. She said it in a way that made me feel bad that I've been trying to avoid taking her. It's my pet peeve, not hers. She just wants to load up on stuff. I get it, so I told her I would take her this morning before I had to go to work. When we arrived there was a huge crowd of people waiting to go inside. This is my worst nightmare about this place. Thankfully we were able to use the early start to not get too bogged down in the mass of people. We were in and out in just under forty minutes.

When I got to work I found that one of the other library assistants, who just got herself a full time job, was here to sub. With M2 being on the desk as well I felt like a third wheel. I decided that my talents would be best utilized in the back sorting room. The back room was filled with books on carts, and not on the shelves. I became frustrated when I couldn't find a book for a patron. It was supposed to be on the shelf, but it wasn't. When I saw the state of the back room I just couldn't sit there being my other two coworkers and do nothing. So I sorted, and sorted, until all the books were off the carts and on the shelf. The circulation manager asked me at one point why I was doing page work. I told him about the book I couldn't find earlier, but what I wanted to say is that it was because he wasn't doing his job and telling the pages and clerks to fucking had them do their job. So frustrating.

After work I went to the market to get some stuff. I was just about to leave, so I went to the cash register. But, then I remembered that I wanted to get some candy. At that moment I just knew that I was giving up my next in line status. I came back to the same line within maybe thirty seconds and there were five or more people in line in front of me. Including the idiot on the right in the picture, who is in the fifteen or less line but had a cart full of fucking shit. What a fucking moron. I bought some ice cream, which was good.

The nights have been so great that I had this idea to go out and sit outside. Tonight I finally pulled a chair out to the backyard and enjoyed the nice night. The weather during the day has been pretty warm, but at night (most nights, anyway) it's been REALLY nice out. A slight chill in the air, but nothing cold. The chair I pulled outside was one I used to sit in my room from IKEA. Someone went ahead and put extra padding in the chair, but it didn't make it any more comfortable. Still, it was absolutely nice to sit outside and just chill. I had my computer and my iPhone with me, so I could watch stuff online, and text my buddy and TheDesire.

Speaking of TheDesire, we were texting tonight and she brought up some documentary about two women, a mom and a daughter, that lived in a run down mansion. TheDesire told me that she didn't want to end up like that. Well, if she would just date me and then marry me she won't end up like that... in theory. Whatever! She also posted a quote on IG and she deleted it almost immediately. However, because I had her account on notify I was able to know when she posted a photo. She told me that she deleted it because she felt insecure about it. She then said that her dad told her that they were going to her aunt's house. Good times.

I am DEFINITELY going to sit in my back yard again.

Mon July 4, It was so nice to be able to sleep-in this morning. I didn't wake up until nearly 11am, which means I slept for nearly eleven hours. I had plans to go over to TheGirl's last in the day, but before then my aunt made me breakfast. A couple of days ago she made some potato quesadillas, and they turned out super yummy. But, since that time she added a horrible tasting cheese to the potato mix, and it completely ruined the flavor of the quesadillas. I mean to the point that I got sick to my stomach. She added some horrible cheese to the mixture, which as I've said ruined everything.

TheGirl was nice enough to invite Chan and me to her place today for a BBQ. She asked if I had any plans a few days ago, and when I told her no, and she invited me. It was nice of her, because I certainly didn't want to stay home and have to deal with my aunt. As a matter of fact my aunt asked me to cut her hair, and I told her that I wasn't staying home. I had plans, I told her. I so didn't want to be in her presence today. Today was my day off. I have so few days off now.

The dinner itself was yummy. TheGirl bought some chicken for her to grill up on her grill. There isn't much to say about the actual dinner or dinner conversation, but suffice to say it was good times. TheGirl then suggested we get some ice cream from down the street. I asked her if Chan could come, and of course she looked at me sideways and said "sure." The picture above is of the starting with the letter C trio sitting outside a restaurant while they waited for me to buy them their ice cream. I thank TheGirl for giving me something to do on this 4th of July. Because otherwise I would have to stay home, in the sights of my aunt.

Tue July 5, MicroManager asked me to work on boxing up some books today. Little did I know that I would end up working nearly all ten hours of my ten hour shift moving and boxing books. Why did I agree to this? Oh yeah, I have bills to pay.

I was taking my lunch break outside and I saw the Unholy Trinity of branch managers. They were all wearing black. Together they are the Unholy Trinity. They are the threesome of yes women. If they ever had a soul, they sold that thing long ago. Perhaps there is some redeeming quality in them, but I'm not a good enough man to extract that from any of them. Certainly not Snow, who does have a sexually desirable body. To me, anyway. However, I know that none of them are right. I don't trust any of them as far as I can throw them. One of them ratted me out to MicroManager, and that shows what they're made of. It's very possible all three ratted me out. It turned out to be better for me, since I now have more time on the route for myself. That was not their intention. Their intentions was to shut me up and get me in trouble. Like I told my buddy, don't trust anyone at that job.

It seems to be human nature that if someone is working on something that some idiot will come and intrude in that personal space that the worker has created. Case in point, me working on the new books. There were at least a half dozen dopes that got in my way, even though they could see that I was WORKING in that area. But does that matter to them? Nope. I wanted to dropkick every one of those fucking patrons in order to get them out of my way. Sadly I couldn't do that. I dealt with it, but I really just wanted everyone to get out of my way.

By the end of the day I had been working for nearly ten hours and I was getting punchy. Also, MicroManager comes out and says that I should pull all the no longer new books. In the past books that were six months or older were no longer considered new. Apparently they changed that to one year without telling me. So I went ahead and pulled everything that was a year old, and that left the stacks nearly empty. MicroManager at first seemed unhappy, but then she was laughing about it. Mind you, about 2/3rds of the books I pulled were older than six months, so I was only 1/3rd wrong. Wrong is wrong, but there were a lot of books that needed to be taken off the new list.

I went home and just plopped. Fucking long day.

Wed July 6, I was still steaming this morning from what my aunt said on Monday. I made my mind up to give her a few days of the cold shoulder. When I got to work I jiggled the mouse and logged into the computer and saw the background picture of Bixby bridge in Big Sur. It reminded me of the beauty of that place. In just over a month I'll be going with TheGirl.

I had my lunch and afterward I needed to go somewhere where I could be alone. I ended up going outside to the library's back patio. I've thought of buying a chair to sit out there, because if I stay in the lounge I'm subject to a barrage of questions from anyone that's there at the time with me. It's not like I don't like answering questions, but there are times when I'm listening to my audio book where I don't want to engage anyone. This was one of those times. One of my coworkers started asking me things and I just had to bolt.

Dinner tonight was nice. TheGirl bought me some enchiladas from Trader Joe's. They aren't authentic, but they taste good. In addition to that we had some salad and some mac & cheese. We talked about our upcoming trip to Carmel, and what we want to see on the way up. TheGirl definitely wants to go to Moonstone beach, because no only is this her dog's first trip up the coast, but it's her daughter's first trip up the coast. What is more important is showing her daughter a good time. I can't wait, since I haven't been up the coast since November. I know, I booked a room for myself in November, but this is special since I don't have to drive.

OK, you can blame it on being drunk, but I bought an Apple Watch tonight. I think I need it, because I get so many notifications these days that I need something that I can view in a moment and see what it is. The watch will allow me to do this while I'm at work. Actually, it will allow me to get notified anywhere, as long as I have the watch. It represents a chunk of change I don't have on hand, but I can't life this life thinking about debt. My lot in life is not to be rich, because I don't care about money. At least I'll have a cool watch.

Again, you can blame the booze for agreeing tonight to visit Talia this Sunday after work. She keeps talking about how big her boobs are, and I hate to say it but I do need a huge pair of boobs in my face right about now. It's been too long since I've had my dick inside a girl. Too long! Not that I'm thinking I'm going to have sex with her, but I can't say that titty fucking Natalia isn't a thought that didn't cross my mind. Still, the idea that I might get to fuck a girl's tits is something that in my drunken stupor I can't pass up.

Thu July 7, I got to the garage at work and I get a text message from Emma not saying anything, but showing me the above pictures. She had a small accident with some metal things (for lack of knowing what they are) that had been placed on the ground in the driveway. She tore up the entire front of her car, and ended up with a flat rear tire. Crazy.

Today was my first day going to Pasadena. Vagabundo had gone Tuesday and Wednesday, but now it was my turn. But of course it couldn't be that easy. One of the admin. people asked me to make a "special" delivery to the basement of some junk, I mean stuff. Specifically the friend's donation tree and some book trucks. The admin. person knows I have to go downstairs for the red bins, but there was no use going right in the morning, because the bins were on the branch portion of the route, not the Pasadena portion. So this idea that "Oh, you're going down there anyway," doesn't hold water because, I wasn't going to go at that moment. But now I can't go later because you asked me to fucking take that shit down. No matter that the people that took this shit down could have just done it. Oh no, let's get stupid Eric to do it. He has no feelings. He doesn't work from 10am to 10pm. He just drives, that's not hard. Fuck everyone!

Today's route was about dodging obstacles. It started right off the bat with a bunch of construction equipment being in the parking lot in front of the library. Then the freeway entrance I usually use was closed. Of course the next other entrance I can use is not easy to get to either. After coming back from Pasadena I had to go to the back of the library to pick up those fucking red bins, and deliver my extra special delivery. Of course the dock is packed with cars. Thankfully they didn't have to move until after I was done loading up the red bins. Fucking idiot bastard from processing needs to be gutted like a fish for this shit!

Once on the route to Montrose things went pretty smoothly for the rest of the route. Since the timing of the route is different, today was about adjusting the timing of my lunch and break. I became hungry before my first branch stop. So by the time I reached Montrose I was pretty hungry, but I didn't want to eat there. I had other plans. I heated up my food at Montrose and drove down to the park. I ate, not quickly, but not slowly either. This was when I was eating my lunch, but this is not when I was on my lunch break. That would be later, at Brand. Fed, I went about the rest of the route until I reached Brand. There I took my hour lunch break in the grass.

I finished up the route at 6pm, which I shouldn't have. But, then the thing that extended it was my special delivery to the rest home. If I hadn't been distracted this morning with the special delivery to the basement I might have remembered those books for the rest home. But, I was distracted and I had forgotten them. I then had to get back in the van and make this special delivery of four books to the rest home. See, the lady that gets these books was on the phone with someone at circ last week, hopping about how she wanted her books. We didn't go, but I found out later one of the librarians took the books to her. This is why I was only delivering four books, but I was picking up a bunch of books. That did push my actual end time of the route at 6:30pm. Woo!

Finally it was time for dinner. I was scheduled to come back from dinner at 7pm by MicroManager (who was not at work today because of jury duty). I didn't want to come back at 7pm, because not only did I want to eat and relax a bit, I also wanted to pick up my Apple Watch from the store. I told the supervisor in charge that I needed to come back at 8pm instead of 7pm. He said it was OK, since MicroManager only had me shelving from 7pm to 8pm.

I ate, and then rested a little, and then went to the Apple store to pick up my watch... which I ordered last night in a drunken stupor. I feel I needed to get the watch in order to be able to get my notifications. At work I can't be looking at my phone all the time, and there are times when I don't know what has made my phone buzz: an email, a message, a notification? This way I can get the information and not bother with the phone if it's not important.

On other subject, when I got home I found a letter from Honda finance telling me that I had officially paid off my car. The pink slip was going to be sent in the mail in a few days. Woo!

Fri July 8, My buddy Vagabundo suggested we go on a food mission to try some food in Chinatown... Howlin Ray's Nashville chicken. The main thing I wanted to have was the chicken sandwich. We arrived about twenty minutes before they open, mainly because the lines get long. It was a good thing we did arrive when we did, because there were only about a dozen people ahead of us. As you can see from the picture there was quite a lot of other people in line. The twenty minutes moved kinda slow, but it was cool because my buddy and I were talking. The guy in front of us seemed put off by what we were talking about, but I really don't give a shit about what people think of me. But then the guy in front of us turned into a douche. Just as the place was opening up three other guys show up wearing Metro shirt, same as the guy in front of us, and they just cut in line. The guy behind us said something to the group of guys, and they just dismissed him. They were jackasses. I get it, it's not easy to get to this place, and deal with the lines. But still, it was an asshole move. But, I digress. The line started to move and people were ordering their food. When we got close to the front I jumped out of line to get us a table, one of only three they have inside the place. My buddy ordered for us and pretty soon our order was coming up.

One bite into the chicken sandwich showed me that this place is legit. The sandwich was incredible. Spicy, but not too spicy (I ordered the medium hot). The chicken is fried, but it's not greasy. There was hardly any grease on my hands. The taste was amazing. I could taste the individual ingredients, like the slaw and the sauce. I like when I can taste the individual items in a food, like in this case the slaw. The flavors should compliment each other to form an overall taste, but they also need to stand on their own, and that's what happens with this sandwich. The chicken is great on its own, but then complimented by the slaw and the sauce and the bun, it makes for an incredible combination. I absolutely LOVED it. I mean, just look at that picture above. It's not only tasty, but HUGE.

I hung out a little bit after getting home with Vagabundo. But then he left and my buddy O came by. We went to get some dinner and on the way back he says we should go to this one dive bar that is dive bar and titty show. The girls don't do lap dances, and don't get totally nude, but they do get topless. The "bar" is just a collection of bad beers, which made it hard to decide what to buy. I don't like beer, and cheap beer is the worst. Still, tits. I did enjoy seeing tits in the flesh, instead of just on the internet. It was strange since in my normal every day life I work with women, some I find attractive. But as soon as we arrived a woman comes up and was super friendly to me. Faux friendly, I might add. It was to me form of glad-handing. The girl pressed her boob right on my arm. Again, it was nice, but I was surprised when it happens, because this sort of stuff doesn't happen to me in "real life." Still, despite the weak sauce beer I had a good time.

Sat July 9, There isn't much to report from work today, except to say it was super boring. MicroManager not being there made it cool though. But, I expected to see much more of TheDesire, and I hardly did. She was on the desk only the last couple of hours of the day, and my last hour she was in the back. That super sucked.

TheDesire had texted me asking me to give her pointers for a possible trip to Big Sur. I remember a while back she asked if I wanted to go with her girlfriend to Big Sur and act as a guide. Guess that offer is off the table. Now I'm just an advice giver. I didn't get a chance to talk to her, because as I previously stated she wasn't on the desk with me long enough. But, at the end of the night she came out to do something on the reference desk and the two of us were sanding face to face, about a foot apart. I so wanted to kiss her at that moment. She was looking up at me for a moment, then looked down. Her chest was heaving right in my face, and all I could do was picture myself kissing her finally. I didn't, but I WANTED to more than anything. When work was done she bolted. She was going to go rehearse for the play she was telling me that she was working on. Of course the play is tomorrow, during the time I'm at work. 2pm to be exact. Fucking shit. I would have been there, even though she said it was in Armenian and I wouldn't understand it. Whatever! I can't keep chasing this girl.

Sun July 10, Work was actually OK considering I had to deal with the loud lady that invades the library once a month with her joyless living program. It was a couple of months ago that she mentioned how much money she has given to the library in donations. While we're very thankful for donations, those donations don't entitle someone to be rude to the staff. Whatever, I didn't think anything of her comments a couple of months ago. All those comments did was serve to confirm what I already knew about her... she's self-aggrandizing and a bore. Thankfully I got the jump on her and her program, and that helped me be able to quell her idiocy. Whew!

After work I drove over to Talia's place. The other day she mentioned how I should go over to her place for a visit. I've been avoiding going over, but I felt that I should go. She keeps on telling me about how big her boobs are. Which makes me wonder if she was saying that to have me sleep with her. All that went out the window as soon as I got to her place. The play is a pigsty, as pictured above. There used to be a couch to the left of where Talia is in the picture. She told me that she had to get rid of it because a rat was living in it. Ah, yeah. There are many rats in her place, by the looks of it. There isn't a single clean dish in the kitchen.

She has this idea that she deserves to have a family member's kids, because she died and now they have no family. But I have to say that I can't blame the county for not giving her the kids. No way the kids should live under these conditions. Talia has one dog left from what used to be several dogs the last time I visited. The poor thing smells of urine.

When I look at Talia I don't think back to when we were seeing each other. At least not right away. I see a friend. But she was the most consequential woman in my life in my late twenties and thirties. She was the first girl I had a steady actual relationship with. Talia was a pretty girl when I first met her, even though she was a little off. She lived like a pauper, despite the fact that her parents had money. They didn't live like they had money. They owned at least four houses, which now Talia and her brother own. I never thought I would marry Talia. But I did go into the relationship liking her and wanting to be with her. There was a time when we were sleeping with each other every week. Wow, that was over a decade ago. She was younger, and she didn't have the health issues she has now (she is recovering from hernia surgery). Talia whipped out her boobs during my visit, and while I initially got a hard-on, that initial excitement was replaced with more of a clinical attitude towards her breasts. When I left I took the picture above, and it pretty much sums up Talia today.

I came home and my aunt was on my case about I don't know what. Her voice makes sounds, but it's so muffled that I don't actually understand what she is saying. It's so very frustrating, and I wonder if she can even hear herself speak. I say that because when she was working so many of her coworkers would tell her that they didn't understand what she was saying. Mind you, not that they couldn't hear her speak, but understand what she was saying. Those are two different concepts. But she didn't get it then, and she doesn't get it now. She thinks both are the same thing. Tonight I went outside to adjust one of the cameras I placed to view that is going on at home when I'm not at home. Well, she heard me open the front door and bolted out of her room to see what was the matter. I was annoyed with this because I was just adjusting the camera, and she thought the neighbor was parking her car in our front yard. Even though the neighbor had done that at least an hour before. Argh... I'm just tired of her bullshit!

I got the car's "pink slip" in the mail today. It's official... I not only own my car, but I don't have any more car payments! Woo!

TheDesire texted me a small clip of her acting in her play in the park today.

Mon July 11, I arrived at work and even though I had intentions of hitting the ground running, I didn't. I ended up not doing much work. I can't say I blame pseudo supervisor showing up and ruining everything, but at the same time it's hard to work when someone is over my shoulder. She never says anything about it, but she must wonder what I'm doing. Actually, we spent much of the morning just talking. I don't mind that at all. So, my big plan to get so many things done this morning went flying out the door with our conversation. I do need to start doing some actual work for this big fundraiser in October. Even though I think that doing this website work for this event is kinda a waste of time. That's not my place to say. Also, I'm getting paid.

After lunch I came back to the office and it was all I could do to keep my head up. I've fallen into a horrible sleep pattern lately. I only have myself to blame. I will come home, and then I'll chill for a while and wait until my aunt goes to sleep to drink and jerk-off. Or just drink. Or just jerk-off. It's all the same. Jerking off usually takes the better part of an hour, so if I start at midnight, you know what I'm getting at here. I end rather late. The other night I ended my "session" at nearly 3am. That's some late hours. I didn't feel the sleepless the next day, but something like that sometimes hits the following day, and that's what happened.

I have to start my drinking and/or jerking-off earlier. Well, that's not what needs to change. I need to stop drinking as much and get a girlfriend. Failing the second, start earlier. Ha!

Tue July 12, I drove out to Pasadena and the driver for them told me that the administration at Pasadena isn't happy with the current timing of our deliveries to Pasadena. See, in the past, before this renovation thing, the schedule for driving to deliver books to Pasadena meant that we started at 8am. Now I don't mind not starting at 8am, but I know my fellow drivers would rather start then instead of 10am. It would be tough for me to deal with a 8am to 10pm day, but I would do it. However, Micromanager never even considered it, because she needs to see when we arrive. That was the excuse, that a full timer had to be here when we arrived to give us the money. Ah, bullshit! Even when we had to take the money from the safe it was not a problem, because we had the combination. Now that we don't even have a safe the excuse is mute. The real reason is control. If we do this independent of them they think they're going to lose some control over us. Fucking bullshit!

I seriously doubt it, but the Pasadena driver mentioned how their director might talk to our director about the delivery. I know they won't, but there is some hope that they are mad enough that they will FINALLY voice something about it.

I came back from Pasadena and I was loading up the van for the route. When I was nearly done I was thinking about how I was already hungry, and I hadn't even started the route. I saw one of the lunches they give to the kids for free and it reminded me of how hungry I felt. I was not more than fifteen feet away from the lunches when MicroManager tells me, "Messter Eric, psst." She handed me a lunch, since there were more than a few leftover. After my first stop I decided to have lunch in between stops. I usually wait for the third stop on the route, but I was starving. I heated up my food and then drove down the the park. Same park TheDesire had her play the other day. *sigh* I enjoyed my lentil soup and sandwich from the free lunch. The cucumbers are not my thing, and there was also a banana and baby carrots. It was a welcomed addition to my lowly soup.

To give you an example of today's route I give you the above picture, which is of the delivery to Brand. All of those bins are GOING in to the library. Fucking eleven bins, and eight CD cases. Once again I ask why we can't drive to Brand on Mondays. Fucking assholes.

The rest of the route was uneventful. I finished up on time, and went to dinner. It was nice to take a nap after a long, hot day. The night shift was whatever. I shelved, checked out some stuff, and barely got to see TheDesire. We met at the circulation door. I so want to kiss her. The very idea is soon to consume me.

Wed July 13, Work was whatever today. I spent most of my morning talking to pseudo supervisor about the changes in Chinatown. Before I knew it I was hungry, so I went upstairs to eat my little one enchilada and piece of chicken meal. Since I've been going to sleep so late lately I was sleepy after my meal. I went into the community room to take a nap, because it was too hot to go outside and do so in my car.

I went into the community room to take a nap, but I didn't fall asleep right away. I was playing with my phone first. Then I passed out, and I woke up moments before one of my coworkers opened the doors of he room and came in to see that I was laying there on the bench. I told her I was tired, and had decided to take a break, which was true. She got ready for her thing in the room, and by the time I was fully awake it was time for me to get on the reference desk.

It was a busy shift on the desk, but not so busy that I couldn't find time to flirt a little bit with LaFlor. There was a moment that I was flirting with LaFlor and I turned around and saw P from about twenty paces look at our interaction. I don't know about the stories that LaFlor and P are a couple, because I don't see any evidence except what the normal dope would say is evidence. I go deeper, and I don't see it. I do believe that P is protective of LaFlor, but I don't think she's in a relationship with her, or wants to be. Still, she did look at my interaction with LaFlor with some disapproval. I'm not one to care what others think, so just let it go.

Still, I WANT to flirt with LaFlor and the other girl at the circulation desk that I find attractive. It's difficult when the both work the same shift. But, today I didn't give a fuck. I so find them both attractive.

My dinner with TheGirl was pretty much like all my dinners with her. We ate and talked. Something about how simple this is keeps us both wanting this time together, despite the fact that our relationship is long dead. Or perhaps we feel that this is the most important part of our former relationship, and neither of us want to let this important part die.

Thu July 14, I took a dump this morning right after I woke up, but by the time I reached work I knew that I had to take a dump again. I got out of my car early, got the keys, and went upstairs to the bathroom. Sure enough, I took a huge dump that by taking it made me feel so much better. There was no way I would be able to drive today if I had not taken that dump.

But of course the day would not let me have it smooth on the route after my big dump. I still had to go to Pasadena, city hall, and then downstairs. The drama came when I parked the van in the dock area, and I exited the van. I saw this thing in the driveway, and I asked the guy if he needed me to move any time soon. Him being a total dope, he just looked at me and made me think he didn't need me to move. But of course, as I should have guessed, he says something to me as I'm already taking items into the library. I looked at him and said, "I asked you if you needed me to move... idiot." I was completely frustrated at that point. But, I still went on and did my job. Not before moving the van out of his fool way.

The route itself was pretty chill today. I had my lunch in Verdugo park again today. And I had my break at Brand. I'm wondering how I'm going to show the new guy the route when so much of the route time is spent chilling. I'll have to think of something. Actually, I hope that they don't hire this new guy too soon. I didn't actually mention that I saw there were two guys going in for interviews this morning. I found out later from Jr. that they had interviews yesterday as well. Guess this is a real thing now.

There was an email today from the higher ups saying that by the start of the next year our new payday will be ever other Thursday. I told a coworker that every other Thursday didn't make any sense. He came me some cockamamie excuse about how some of the full timers didn't work on Fridays, so they would like their pay on Thursdays. Of course that shit talk is completely arbitrary. I told my buddy, why not just make payday ever other third Sunday of the month? It makes just as much sense. Whatever. At least this way I know I'll be paid on a certain date.

I'm surprised that it has taken terrorists this long to commit this sort of attack. Mass shootings, bombs, these things take special resources. Someone has to plan out getting guns or bombs ready, and in the case of bombs you can't just go to a shelf and buy a bomb. Someone has to make one, and that's not easy. So it always made me wonder why terrorists didn't think to simply get into a big truck and mow down people. And so it has now happened. And that's what is so much more terrifying. A gun and a bomb is not an every day thing. A truck is, and it brings the terror closer to people. Now those who survived will forever be looking over their shoulder wondering if that truck delivering things is going to mow them down. I think that's much more frightening. Here in Los Angeles I haven't worried too much about a mass shooting or bombs. What I have thought about as a more realistic attack is some terrorist taking a big rig and mowing down cars on the freeway. Or a coordinated attack where a car is intentionally wrecked on the freeway in order to create a traffic jam that would be a shooting gallery for someone shooting from an overpass. I think those are my fears because I am on the freeways so much. This Nice attack is definitely an elevation in terrorists attacks. I don't know for sure, but it seems like this might be one of the deadliest attack in France, and the terrorist didn't have to shoot a single bullet. I want to say that these are the actions of a belief system that knows its time is short. That those who believe in this religion see how bereft of logic and kindness their religion really is. But they don't see it that way. What I see are the actions of people that don't realize their days are numbered, and so they lash out in this way, because they have no alternative. They certainly can't rely on the merits of their argument, so they resort to simply eliminating those who disagree with them. I think that's very telling. These attacks will not bring France to her knees, but they do serve to stir up anti-foreigner sentiment. And so it's a punch, counter punch, situation where France will now act and the terrorists will react, and so on and so on. None of what I'm saying is original. I just felt the need to say it here in my journal.

Fri July 15, I worked the reference desk today, with my shadow, M2, sitting in my chair. She offered to get up, but she should know better than to sit there. The good thing is I found out today that M2 will be working Fridays, but that she will not be on the reference desk. Rather she's going to be doing "off desk" time. Which means time to work on projects and/or programs, etc. I like M2, but at the same time I rather sit in my favored chair. I think that's why I sat back today and just let her field nearly all the questions.

I was talking to H about some map I was making, and she mentioned that some of the patrons were taking the library card applications and using them as scratch paper. This is so not right. And just as she was saying it, the patron in question was on his way to get an application. He saw H and I turn to see him and he stopped and then said hi to me and turned to his left to pretend to look at the display of books for sale. After that I told H to just have the applications behind the counter and only hand them out when patrons are getting a card. Fucking shit patrons.

After my shift I wanted to treat myself to a nice meal. I didn't know where to go. I finally decided on the Coffee Table in Eagle Rock, a place I used to frequent when I was seeing TheGirl. I ordered a burger, which was cooked medium well. That's the only way they cook the burgers, and it's horrible. In the past I've had wraps that were pretty good, but today I had a the overcooked burger and I was not satisfied. They also fucked up my Arnold Palmer, because they used peach tea, not black tea. It totally fucked up the favor. ARGH! If I do go back I will definitely not have the burger.

I posted a variant of the picture above on social media, hoping that TheDesire would see it and like it. Sure enough, it took some hours but she did "like" it on IG. Woo! I so need to kiss her... if nothing else.

I came home from work/lunch and found myself in a near food coma. I decided to take a nap. On my way home my buddy O texted me to see if I was busy. I told him how I was going to get some food. He told me to do so and that he would text me later. Well, later was when I was dead asleep. I missed his text, because I was gone to dreamland. He must think I ditched him, and in a way I did. He wanted to go to a strip club, and I don't go for that sort of thing. It's not that I don't want to see naked ladies, I just don't want to go because all it ends up being is a cocktease and I don't need that. Normal life is enough of a cocktease. I texted him back that I passed out, and he said he was heading home. Oh well.

Tonight I decided to revisit my back yard. Of course the first moments of such a visit were intruded upon by my aunt stating the obvious. She comes out of her room and notices I'm in the back yard and comes out to tell me that it's a good thing I'm spending time in the back yard. I know that. Don't you think I know that? Why do people feel they have to tell me the obvious? Either way, I enjoyed my time out in the back yard. My aunt told me that my uncle wants to give us his old TV. Immediately I thought of using it outside in the back yard.

What I focused on tonight was this idea of being alone. I'm not afraid to be alone. I've been alone for most of my life. But now I realize that I'm going to live the rest of my life alone... by choice. TheDesire, TheGirl, Talia, these have been speed bumps, you might say, to the ultimate terminus of my life. To be alone. I don't possess the charm, the looks, or anything that really allows me to overcome my strangeness to the point that someone would want to spend the rest of my life with them. But you know what? I've always been alone. There was a time when I fought it. But these days, I actually like being alone. I don't like dealing with people. That isn't to say that I don't miss sexual intimacy. I do. But the price has become too high to pay. I don't have the energy these days to play games, and pretend that I care when I don't, or pretend to care more than I do for show. No woman from this point forward in my life is going to accept me for me being me. But you know what? I can't change, nor do I want to change. I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm the best me I can be. Perhaps not, but this is what you get. In short, again, I don't have the energy to play the dating game. Nor do I have the energy to wade through the sea of women. I'm walking away from all of it.

Sat July 16, Work was nothing to write about today. It was just existence. MicroManager had me on the desk the entire shift. The one thing I can mention is that TheDesire texted me today to say that she is thinking more positive. The text above was is in reference to writing. Each other's writing. She asked me how my writing is going, and I told her that I keep restarting it. Which is true. I didn't tell her that I've all put give up on it. Then I asked her how her writing was going (she has thoughts to write a play). She said she hasn't started. When I mentioned that I restart my writing she said it was a good thing and then added what you see above... that she's been more positive lately.

Sun July 17, The picture above is of T tearing down the Summer Reading Program stuff. It's over until next June. Work was kinda busy today. What sucked was that M2 sat in my chair at the reference desk. I staked my claim by leaving my cup and my computer on the left computer, but did she care about that? No. She sat there. Because of that I just let her field most of the questions today.

After work I drove out to West Hollywood in order to have a Shake Shack burger. Upon arrival there was a line, but it moved quickly. I ordered a double burger with bacon, and I was surprised how fast they got me the burger. The burger looked good, but that means nothing if it doesn't taste good. There has been a lot of talk about this burger being better than In-and-Out, which is the standard for fast food burgers here in Los Angeles. I can now tell you that the burger isn't better than In-and-Out. Not even close. It's not a horrible burger, but it doesn't rise above average. The meat is near flavorless. The only thing that saved the burger for me was the bacon on top. I ordered a double burger with bacon, fries with cheese sauce on them, and a large Coke. The total came out to just over $17. That is insane! I've had WAY better burgers for the same or less. Will I go back to Shake Shack? Not very likely. But, there is one opening up next to the library. It's OK enough for me to return and have a burger once in a blue moon. However, objectively I can't say that it's a great burger. It's an OK burger. Nothing special, nothing that would make me want to go right back again. Perhaps I don't want to say that it's bad, because I've had bad burgers and they are much worse than this was. It just does not live up to the hype.

While I was standing in line, the group in front of me had a really pretty girl with them (photo above). I post her picture not only because she was pretty, but because she represents an aesthetic that I like. There were a lot of pretty girls at the restaurant tonight, but this one stood out to me. I simply like this look in its entirety.

Mon July 18, Twenty-four days until the Carmel trip!

Tue July 19, I considered staying home until I had to head out for work tonight. But, there was no way I was going to do that. I know my aunt will pounce on me if I do. No thanks. So, I figured I would go to the museum. But I know that wouldn't take long. Firstly I figured I would lay out on the lawn at Brand, like I do when I'm on the route. It's a nice spot, and usually really cool. And sure enough, it was just right. I chilled there for nearly three hours before finally getting hungry and wanting to get some food. I brought my food, but it wasn't that tasty. It was rather meh. I didn't even finish eating it. Still, the lawn was nice, and part of me wondered why I hadn't thought of this before. Still, I can't just sleep my every other Tuesday off on the lawn from one of my route stops. As pleasant as it was, it's not ideal. I did bring my computer along with me, just in case I wanted to go inside and use the library. But that would have been awkward.

After my so-so meal I chilled for a little bit and then drove to the Autry museum in Griffith park. They had a exhibit of the photography groups called Group f/64. Among the photographers were Adams and Weston. The photos were beautiful, but not something I have't seen before. Still, it was nice to see some of these photos again. And their photos inspired me to get off my ass and get some work done. I mean come on, I'm not that good, but I can improve. I can hone my craft. Each day, each picture I take, gets me better (I think).

While at the exhibit I stepped up to a little area in the corner that talked about f stops, and what they were. This is done since the group whose photographs are featured is called f64 group. I took a couple of shots, but this first one was the best of the bunch. What do you think? I really want to take some incredible photos on my next trip up to Carmel/Monterey.

I knew I wouldn't be able to coordinate anything with my buddy for dinner, and I was starving and couldn't wait for him to get out at 6pm. Also, I wanted to take a nap after dinner. I went to the Great White Hut and ordered some carne asada fries. They were OK, but they lacked something. Not to mention they short changed me on the carne asada. There was just flakes of carne asada, and not a good amount. Oh well. Live and learn. I probably won't be going back there. I think I gave that place way too many chances. I had originally thought of going to McDonald's but decided not to at the last minute. I should have gone.

I took my nap in my car, but then my coworker from upstairs found my car and wanted to chat me up. Dammit! Why can't I just be left alone? It's certainly too much to ask, obviously. The late shift was super dead. For once I could agree with MicroManager. I had work, but very little of it.

There was a email that came from the higher ups that was full of so much bullshit I can't even quantify it. The short version is that they want us to bend over backwards for the customer. Mind you, they didn't call them patrons, but rather customers. They aren't customers! Fucking idiots. Among other things they want us to be knowledgeable on everything every other city department is doing, as to assist the customer who comes to the library to pay his/her fucking water bill. Morons! My buddy and I were texting about this and the short version is that these idiot managers want us to jump through hoops, run around like mad men, and take it up the ass when it comes to "customer service." They've NEVER had to work on the desk, so they have zero idea what it's like in the trenches. Fucking ZERO! If they did they would know that practical customer service isn't about bending over backward. But you know what? Fuck them. Fuck their fucking fuck "customer polices." They are worthless, as they are. They can all eat shit. How do these fools have jobs?

Wed July 20, My coworker Angela asked if I wanted to have lunch with her. I already had my lunch with me, so I told her it would be best to raincheck it for next week. She agreed. And then I got to work and I found out that one of the former board members bought us all lunch. Ha! It was a good thing I asked for a raincheck, I would have missed my free lunch. Woo!

TheGirl and I went to dinner at Bob's Big Boy in Toluca Lake. I had the fish sandwich, which was pretty good last time. I should have asked for me tartar sauce though. Still, it was a warm night and dinner was nice. We talked about plans for the trip, and what we might do. Her daughter really wants to see Cannery Row. It's a tourist trap, but as tourist traps go I've seen worse. Still, I don't expect to spent much time there.

After dinner we walked around the corner to have her dog take a little walk. TheGirl mentioned how I could play Pokemon while we walked. Good idea. I caught three, and a good time was had by all. I wonder if there's a bunch in Carmel. Ha! Can't wait to see. It's just over three weeks until the trip. I can't wait to get out of this town for a few days.

Thu July 21, I went to bed at around 10:30pm last night, feeling super tired. Maybe it was the heat, but this morning I'm still tired. How is that possible?

When I arrived at work the whole entire front driveway was closed. There was one big truck with a flatbed behind it. But, aside from that the area cordoned off was empty. Not sure what that was about, but there could have been stuff there before I arrived. Who knows. All I knew is that I had yet another obstacle to deal with. The route seems to have deteriorated to an obstacle course of dumb drivers, construction trucks, and special deliveries. The one positive is that by Thursday most of the work has been done by the other drivers. Today was pretty chill, except for the fact that it was as hot as fuck.

When I came back from Pasadena I went down to the back dock to pick up the shit that that motherfucking Robert has made us have to pick up: the new books. I found the back door locked so I rang the bell. When dummy opened the door he greeted me with, "Don't you have a keycard?" If I did I would have used it, I basically said to him. He told me I need to have one, and I told him that I would ask my supervisor for it. His attitude was pretty much, "How dare you make me get off out of my chair to open the door for you?" Fucking idiot, if he hadn't forced my supervisor's hand and had us go pick up the new book bins this would not be happening. But he's so dense that he doesn't realize we're only going down there to pick up his shit. We don't have use for a keycard because most of the time the door is open. Whatever, I told MicroManager about the whole thing, and asked her to get a keycard for the van. That way any of us drivers can go down there and do what we have to do without disturbing the princess.

I made it to Brand and took my break on the lawn. I couldn't sit under my new favorite tree because there was a couple making out in that spot. Good for them. I just chilled until another tree and enjoyed the break. I did play a little Pokemon, but I didn't move from my spot under the shade.

I have quite a few pretty coworkers. One of them is this girl above. Today I went into the branch she was working as she was leaving. Her body looked amazing. I wanted to fuck her right there and then. I was able to the the above picture because she went back to the library after forgetting something. She is a marvel. And not only that, she's actually a sweet person. She is a head and shoulders above most of my coworkers. Not only that, she's not a dope. This is a really rare thing in that city. And... she is also incredibly attractive.

After finishing my route I had dinner and a short one hour break before having to get back to circulation. TheDesire didn't work today, which threw me off. I had plans to check her demeanor tonight. I wanted to find out if she was menstruating. For some reason I think I saw something last month that made me think that she menstruates close to the twenty-first of the month. Why do I need to know such things? Because I love information. I love knowing what others don't. Unfortunately she didn't work, so I don't have any gauge of how she was feeling. Unless you want to count her not showing up today as a sign ghat she WAS menstruating.

Whatever! The late shift was pretty standard tonight. Nothing out of the ordinary, thankfully.

Fri July 22, I slept-in a bit this morning, but of course I can't sleep-in for long, because I still have to make a good show of it for my aunt. Once I'd like to stay home on my day off. But with my aunt nagging I simply can't. She made me breakfast and I went off to the museum.

LACMA was my choice today because this is the last week I can make it to see the Mapplethorpe exhibit. I saw the Getty part a few months ago, but now I had to see the other half. Also, I had plans on that side of the hill. More on that later. The exhibit was good. I've seen most of his work already. But it was the flowers that were complete perfection. THAT is that I went to see, and I was not disappointed. He made some awesome photos.

The other reason why I went to the other side of the hill was because I was keeping a promise I made with TheGirl to donate blood. She's done it many times, but this was my first. She encouraged me by saying that if we gave blood we could go to a concert set up by the radio station to thank those who donate. So, after the museum I drove a little west past the 405 freeway and met up with TheGirl to donate blood. The process was relatively painless. I would definitely do it again. I didn't care about the concert tickets, but TheGirl insisted we go and so we picked on WAY out in November. If there's booze, I'm sure I'll have fun.

While at the museum So-so texted my buddy and I that she couldn't make it for dinner tonight. We had planned on the three of us going out to dinner tonight, but she sent a text around the time I was at the museum that a friend was, "In a bad way," and she couldn't make it. No other explanation was offered. I'm sure she'll tell me what the deal was when I see her on Tuesday. Maybe.

Still, Vagabundo and I decided to get some dinner together. We went to Van Nuys instead of Chinatown, to a good place for Mexican food. We ate and stuffed ourselves, and then returned to my place to chill. The house was too hot, so we sat outside in my back yard. We didn't drink, because they told me that the donation place that I shouldn't drink today. Also, the heat was so horrible that drinking would have just gotten us more hot.

I nearly forgot, I got home and waited for my buddy to come over after work. My aunt asked me if I wanted to eat something, and I told her that my friend was coming over. She immediately rolled not only her eyes, but her head. She has this idea that every time he comes over we drink. Yes, we do. We are men. We like to drink. We like to drink and talk about work, the girls we like at work, and everything else under the sun. So? I hated that she rolled her eyes and head in disapproval. It's not right. This is yet ANOTHER reminder that I can't come home early ever again. I FUCKING HATE having to find things to do outside of my home in order to kill time so I don't have to spend that time fending off my aunt's nagging words. I guess I just never learn my lesson.

I really did a lot of things today, and that's something that's rare for me these days. I have so little energy to do things. It's partially my own fault, because of the hours I keep. However, part of it is that I'm just more tired. I'm getting older, and I think this is showing. Still, today was great. I went to the museum, donated blood, had dinner with my buddy and sat outside in my back yard. Nice. I need to have more days like today.

Sat July 23, I woke up at just past 8am today, and I felt like I was wide awake. But, I stayed in bed and eventually found myself falling back to sleep. Sure enough, I passed out again and woke up at around 10am. Ah! My aunt made me a nice breakfast of eggs, bacon and hash browns. Good times.

When I arrived at work I thought I saw on the schedule that I was on the front desk. But then my coworker pointed out that I was scheduled to shelve the first hour. Ah, what? Thanks for nothing, MicroManager. I hate shelving, because I don't really know where anything is located. The good thing was that since MicroManager wasn't around I didn't really have to shelve. I dicked around setting up a truck of videos that I was going to eventually shelve. But, I spent so much time getting them in order I only had fifteen minutes to shelve the entire truck, and by that time it wasn't enough time to do it. Oh well, wasting time mission accomplished. Ha!

No MicroManager means a little more freedom to talk to TheDesire today. Ever since their weekends don't line up it's been quite nice. TheDesire was all chipper today. And of course she's looking cute. Our first conversation was about how I went to the museum and also how she feels the need to give to the community. But not too much. She mentioned how she heard about portable showers for the homeless. I heard about them up in San Francisco. They are trucks made into portable showers so that homeless people can take showers. It's a move to help them maintain hygiene. She wanted to see if there was a way she could work to have them here in Los Angeles. She went downstairs and said she was going to research them.

When she came back upstairs to be on the reference desk we got to talk more, and that's when I asked her about what she wanted to do when she goes to Big Sur. We haven't really been able to talk about it, but I told her that I was writing a document of answer the basic questions about traveling up there, and what was the must see. She liked that, but also pointed out that the friend she wanted to travel with was being a pill. Actually, she said bitch. Then she asked if I was still friends with TheGirl. I was like, "Huh?" She then said that maybe the three of us could go up there, and then kinda dismissed the idea. Ha! THAT would be an interesting dynamic.

Lastly, just before closing time TheDesire mentions that she's going to the Shakespeare festival in Griffith park with a friend, and she asked if I wanted to go. I kinda did, but at the same time I didn't. I have this standing thing with my buddy Dane, and I felt bad about dropping him for TheDesire. I love TheDesire, and I think she's wonderful, but I also wanted to spend time with my friend. I told her I couldn't, but left it at that. Still, would have been nice.

With work done TheDesire went on her merry way with her friend to Griffith park, and then my buddy and I went to Carl's for some dinner. They were featuring a new bacon burger, so I got us that. We then went to just outside Griffith park, in an area right next to the Mulholland fountain. Dane was saying that there was some art display there, but it turned out to be a total dud. Still, it wasn't a total loss. We walked around the fountain, which has been fixed up real nice. I talked to Dane about Pokemon and I showed him how there were other people by the fountain playing. Good times, for sure.

I was getting tired and we went back to the car. As Dane got his stuff out of his car some people arrived and parked on the street. A pair of pretty girls walked up to a couple of other people sitting on a stone by the entrance to the parking lot. By the time Dane got his stuff out and was standing next to me talking we got a nice view of the girls and they looked nice. I put a bead on one of the girls, the one pictured above. She was so far away my cell phone was not going to get a good picture of her. But luckily she got back into her car and parked it just a couple of spots away from where I was park. That meant she would have to walk past us as she walked back to where her friend was. Thank you Universe. Sometimes you throw me a bone. Dane, without any discretion, blurts out, "She has a nice ass." Ha! I'm not sure if she heard it or not, but she did have a nice butt. A few moments later Dane says, "Yeah, your girl also has a nice butt." Meaning TheDesire. TheDesire is wonderful.

Sun July 24, I walked into the kitchen and saw Vanessa standing there in the same outfit I saw her in the other day. I walked up to her and stood in front of her, pressing my body to hers. I then kissed her, and continued to kiss her. I started to kiss her neck when I woke up. That's how it went this morning. A sex dream just as I'm waking up. I guess I imagined that Vanessa girl because I had just seen her on Thursday at work. The dream really worked me up good. I usually can tell when I'm in a dream, but not this time. I woke up and I was kissing my pillow. Yuck! Oh if only it had been real. Her dream skin felt so good. It's been too long since I've been laid.

It also didn't help that I was jerking off last night and in my internet travels found a porn star that just fucking did it for me (pictured above). She turned me on immensely. This morning I realized that this porn star, Darla, looks a lot like TheGirl. She has the same body shape and a very similar face. Yeah, I'm still attracted to TheGirl. I still check out her butt. So sue me.

I was talking to P about how the circulation desk should be manned on both sides of the desk. I talked to her about it last week, and this week. But neither time did she listen. She says, "It's not how it works." Ah, but I had years of experience working that system and it DID work. I don't just do things to do them. I think about them, work them out, experiment, test and modify. I don't do thinks haphazardly. That's just not my style. So, when I tell P that she should do it the other way it's not coming from some arrogance. It's coming from experience and testing. But you know what? Why the fuck should I give a shit? I have nothing but a paycheck invested in these places. Neither of them have much invested in me. None of them let me make a difference, or really count for anything. I'm just a grunt. Well, it can work both ways. I have to really stick to this as long as possible. I have to stop caring.

I got home after a day at work and I just wanted to chill and talk to my buddy. We had agreed to talk to night after work. Well, just as I was getting settled into my seat in the backyard my friend Jen calls up. I instinctively answered thinking it was my buddy. But then what followed was a five hour talk with Jen. I drank a little, and was feeling really nice. But of course the buzz kill was my aunt coming out at around midnight and asking if I had work tomorrow. Ah, yeah... what the fuck do you care? She's so damn nosey. I'm a grown man, and I know what I'm doing. I know that I like being outside in my back yard. Motherfucker, the more I think about it the more I like being single. I just miss the sex. If not for that, I wouldn't miss women. But in a sense I don't miss the sex that much, because it's a lot of work that I don't have the energy for. In conclusion, I do like being alone. It's funny that at one time a few months ago I was super lonely. Today, I don't think that way at all.

Mon July 25, I got into work and I was given the assignment of creating a $2 bill with the outgoing city manager at San Marino (pictured above). I'm going to miss his lunch tomorrow, but I guess this is the next best thing. Sucks that it wasn't last Tuesday, that I had off. Oh well, it wasn't meant to be.

I only worked until 2:30pm today, because I had plans to have lunch at the Huntington with my friend Jen. Now I didn't remember that the Huntington closes at 4:30, so when I said we should meet at 3pm I figured I had plenty of time to check out the sights and also kill some time before going over to TheGirl's place. Wrong. Still, I ate lunch while Jen watched. I was starving. After having a sandwich at the cafeteria we went to check out the Van Gogh. The painting in the picture above is the Hospital of Saint-Remy.

After checking out the Van Goghs Jen and I went to the Japanese garden. If it wasn't for the heat it would be good times. Still, I got a couple of nice photos.

We ended up on the South side of the gardens. I told Jen that when the gardens close the staff will give us a ride on the electric carts. We took some pictures, like the one above, and then just gave up and started to walk back to the entrance. Thankfully the cart did pick us up and dropped us off at the entrance. Woo! I hate to say it, but when I first met Jen she was much thinner. She's still cute, but certainly it was nice when she was thinner. Not that I could sleep with her even if I wanted to, because she's married. Not in a loving relationship, but a fucked up one. How is everyone's relationship so fucked up?

I talked to Jen a little bit in the parking lot, but the heat was getting to me. I said my good-byes and went to Tommy's to get something to drink. I was so tired from the heat. I bought my soda and sat there. I went outside to the car, turned it on so I could have the A/C running and took a nap. That's how tired I was. I then went to TheGirl's for my traditional Monday visit. In just over two weeks we'll all be going to Big Sur. I can't wait.

I got home and I felt really tired, but not just tired. My stomach was doing back flips. Sure enough, I pooped and it wasn't good. My body had zero energy all day, but it was really bad when I got home. Thankfully I was already home. Still, you know I'm not feeling well if I'm going to bed by 10:30pm.

Tue July 26, I felt MUCH better this morning, but I was still super tired when I woke up. Not having my cousin's kids come in the morning has been paradise. Too bad in about three weeks they're going to come back to school. Fucking bullshit. I like being able to sleep in until 7am. Soon I won't have that luxury. Still, I did feel better today, but I still didn't have any energy.

I went into work and found that there was not only a new floor installed, but that there were patrons already inside the library. The construction crew just left the front doors open, didn't put anyone in charge of keeping patrons out. Of course the dummy patrons don't question anything and just walk right into the library. Idiots.

I don't have much to report from the route. It was pretty standard. The heat was terrible, but I survived by drinking a lot of water. I think that I'm going to bring more water next time. I don't have much to report tonight. I'm tired. But mostly I don't have anything to report because nothing happened today.

Wed July 27, Work today was about new assignments. I've been kinda bored lately, what with no real direction. Yes, I have things to do, but without the details I'm not going to be able to actually do anything. Also, without the content I can't do anything. I found it easy to leave for a long lunch. I had plans to have lunch with Angela last week, but I had other plans. So this week was the raincheck. I can't say much about lunch, other than that we caught up on stuff. I wonder about these lunches, since I wonder if Angela's motives go beyond the platonic. That's all I'll say about that.

I got on the desk for my shift and then the parade of good looking women started. First there was a woman that was taking a test at the library. She wasn't a pageant winner, but she had a pretty face and a nice thick body. Then there was a girl waiting for her friend. Then, lastly, there was my coworker from the recreation office. Many years ago I thought of asking her out. She seemed pretty nice, but I never asked her out. Today she came into the library and shook her butt in my face. Her butt is big, I'm not going to lie. However, her big butt did it for me today. I popped a ragging hard-on when I watched her walk away from the reference desk. I mean it was throbbing and seemingly growing as she walked away from the desk. I can't even say that her butt was looking good, it was looking big. It did have a nice overall shape, but it was also pretty big. Still, looking at her gave me a hard-on that lasted for a good long time. To the point that it wouldn't go away, and I was afraid that a patron would ask me something that would require me to stand up. Ha! Maybe I should ask her out.

I bolted out of work and made my way to TheGirl's so we could have dinner. I made good time on the freeway, and because of that I was able to talk to my buddy on the phone. I cut him off and went into TheGirl's "compound." That is where TheGirl's puppy was waiting for me. TheGirl tells me that Cheyenne recognizes my car's alarm horn. When Cheyenne hears my car's horn she knows I'm coming and will wait near the door. Aww, she's waiting for me. It's crazy that the FIRST time she saw me she wanted to bite my head off.

TheGirl and I went to the Counter for dinner tonight. Last time I went the burger I ordered was overcooked. I told myself that I would not order a burger there ever again. They thankfully have another food there. I ordered the chicken sandwich, which is nowhere near as good as the one at Howlin' Rays, but it hit the spot tonight. I should say that I also drank so much booze from my flask before going into TheGirl's place. I was a total degenerate, drinking right out in the street straight from my flask. Good times, for sure. I was sure enough buzzed even as I drank the wine we ordered at dinner. The tots tonight were so good. Funny thing, with our trip being less than three weeks away we really didn't dedicate any time to thinking what we wanted to do.

Thu July 28, The front of the library is coming along. The construction crew looks to be putting the finishing touches on the new stairs and from plaza area, and they look to be making a lot of progress with the new entrance. Still, when a patron asks when the library will be done I tell them another year. Ha! The route today was dominated by the heat. Even with the A/C blasting in the van I was still sweating like a fiend. I brought an extra bottle of water with me, and it was gone by the time I was coming back from Pasadena. Fucking hot!

Here is the neat stack of Pasadena bound book bins. I found out today that my buddy has been stacking them up nice and neat, like I have, because there's been no one in the back area to meet us when we come in to deliver the books. I wonder if it's some sort of passive-aggressive move by the supervisors there. I heard from the other driver that Pasadena isn't happy with our currently delivery schedule. I invite them to say something to my dumb supervisors to perhaps chance this. But, they won't.

Emma texted me today to mention that Jacobo texted her. The main thing that she didn't like was his text that said, "Come ride me." That's pretty base. Obviously he likes fucking her, but is unwilling to actually date her. He just wants a fuck buddy, which I understand. But he has to play it much cooler than he is doing now. In short, his actions might have cost him any chance of sleeping with Emma again. Especially since Emma said that they aren't sleeping together. I've given it a thought that perhaps I should make a pass at Emma some day soon. But meh.

I usually take my breaks at Brand under a nice tree. Today was WAY too hot to do that. I ended up wandering down to the basement, which I figured would have a bench somewhere and where I figured I would not be disturbed. I was right about the bench, but wrong about being disturbed. Despite it being the basement, at one time I had to deal with three people stirring by the benches that I was using as a bed. I eventually did fall asleep, what with the fucking heat today. However, I'm not sure if this is a good spot for my break, because my coworkers seem to be moving around in the basement more than I suspected. Perhaps next week the heat won't be as bad and I can return to my tree.

During the night shift TheDesire was prancing around showing off her legs. She doesn't show off her legs often, but when she does I see just how completely attractive she is. I don't think there's an unattractive thing about her physically. Tonight there was an little bit of an incident with a patron that just kept on bombarding TheDesire with questions. I saw she was having a hard time, so I stood next to her, so if the patron tried anything I could jump in. It got so bad with the patron's non-stop questioning that my coworkers called security and TheDesire made an excuse to go into the back office. This guy was nuts, as you may see from the picture above. He kept writing things in a book that he had, seemingly the answering to the questions he was asking so fast. But, when I helped him and I looked over into his book it was nothing but scratches. No actual words were on the page. What a fucking creep.

After all the excitement, it was just down to Oz and a page and myself. All the full time people left at 8pm. The rest of the night was pretty chill. Oz and I checked in the books we had pretty quickly and the last hour we pretty much just cruised. I needed that after a long hot day.

Fri July 29, The boss at San Marino told M2 that she would be working on Fridays, but not on the reference desk. However, I arrived at work about half an hour before we open and her stuff was already on my favorite side of the desk. ARGH! This is so fucking frustrating. I want that side. I prefer that side, but oh well. Guess M2 doesn't understand the meaning of "off desk" time. SMH. While on the desk today though there was an email that stated that I'm still working every other Friday on the desk, and that M2 has "off desk" time. So yeah, she need to step off and leave me be on that desk. I do enjoy being on that desk alone during the week, but that's been ruined a little by M2. She's a nice girl, and does the job well. However, I do like working that desk alone on Wednesdays and Fridays. For now I'm still alone on Wednesdays, thank the maker. But she's invaded my Fridays. Hope that email clarifies what she's supposed to be doing.

This morning I went into the shower and brought along my speaker to listen to stuff while I showered. Well, the darn thing wouldn't work. When I got out of the shower I tried to get it to charge, but it wouldn't take a charge. This frustrated me to the point that I decided there and then to buy a new speaker that I've been thinking of getting for a while. After work I went to Target and bought the speaker once and for all. This way I don't have to worry about it while I go up to my trip.

I went to the market after work and while looking for something I noticed that they had a funny sign on the bacon I was about to buy. It said that it was gluten free. Ah... yeah. The sign is completely silly, but it's also a sign of the times. Every idiot person now thinks they need to eat items that are gluten free, when it doesn't make a fucking difference. It's just that people think that gluten free means healthy. Sigh. When I later when to another market with my aunt I saw that someone combined two great things and is selling bacon wrapped hot dogs. Why someone can't just buy both and do the wrapping themselves I don't know. But there it is, gluten free bacon, and bacon wrapped dogs for sale.

Speaking of markets, I took my aunt to the market today. When I arrived from work she was nearly out the door. She was going to head out to the market to buy some stuff, but she really wasn't looking forward to it because of the heat. I told her I would take her if she was willing to wait until after I ate, because I was starving. She agreed and I had some food. I also passed out soon afterward. The heat, coupled with the food, coupled with a long week, served to felled me. When I woke up it was nearly 7pm. But, this was better for the both of us since it was still hot out. We went to the store, and there was this woman buying groceries that looked amazing (pictured above).

Sat July 30, Work was work. When I got home I went to my back yard and chilled out. The weather was just right. And thankfully my aunt didn't come out to bother me. I have this idea that perhaps I should decorate my back yard in a tiki style. Perhaps use the Tiki room at Disneyland as a template. Yeah, I like the idea.

Sun July 31, When I arrive on a Sunday afternoon I get some things ready on the desk. I also go to the back of the library and move the chairs that patrons move into the area that's the fire exit. It's like they want to burn up in a fire. Idiots. I fixed them and of course by the end of the work day some dummy had moved the chairs again. Fucking idiots!

Work was work today, nothing super special. I beat M2 to the left computer on the reference desk. Yay! She was cool with it, or at least she didn't say anything about sitting on that side. Later in the day one of our regular patrons came up and told M2 that she was, "Cute." She mentioned I was lucky to be working with a pretty girl. I have to say that M2 has been looking better the last couple of weeks. Maybe I'm just horny or something. However, her behind looked kinda nice today. Still, nah!

There is a huge fire ragging in Big Sur right now. TheGirl is afraid that the fire is so bad that we might have to postpone our trip. A trip that's only eleven days away. I told her I know what we're going for sure, but I do wonder if it will be possible. Believe me, I want to go, but I'm not worried since I know I'm going up during Thanksgiving.

There's this pretty patron that has been showing up to the library the last few weeks and just shaking it in front of my face. Today I got a picture of her (above). Her legs speak to me. I nearly thought to ask her if she was busy for dinner tonight. I felt it would be "unprofessional" of me to do so. However, I've known more than my fair share of people tell me that someone just came out and asked someone out on a date. Further developments will be talked about here.

My buddy called me tonight after work to tell me how he talked to Jr. today, and she spilled the beans about the unholy trinity asking for a Saturday delivery. This opens up a whole can of worms. We talked about how a Saturday delivery would most likely be my day. I don't mind working the route that day, but it's funny that the one thing I thought about missing was time with TheDesire. I didn't even think of the work, I thought about her. Still, we speculated on what kind of a chance this might happen, and we give it a 1:4 chance of actually happening. Still, this means that finally after a fucking YEAR the managers have finally gotten their heads out of their asses to ask for something my buddy and I thought about over a year ago. Fucking idiots.

I often will find a picture in common things by just looking down and seeing what I find interesting. This time I looked down on a cup I bought in Solvang a few weeks ago. I loved the color of the cup, and knew that I wanted it.

Who doesn't want ice cream after dinner? Or any time. I obviously was at thirty-one flavors to get some ice cream. I turned around and looked back at the signs contrasting the ever growing dark sky and I just had to take the shot. There's something in the air on a summer night.

Went with TheGirl to have dinner at this place called Riverside on Riverside in Toluca Lake. It was a good night for drinking. Of course I had to order a Manhattan. But of course.

I went to Chinatown to eat some yummy food, and while waiting I turned around and looked at one of the stalls in the mini-mall. I was fascinated by the amount of stuff in the little stall.

Taken on July 5, 2007, shortly after I graduated CSUN. I went to visit my old boss and friend Wayne. He was sitting where I first meet him, on the grass near his old tree. The tree had gone down in a storm, but the area was still where he preferred to sit. I liked that spot as well. It was close to my classes, and afforded me a nice view of the coeds.

Taken on July 11, 2009, at an In-and-Out by my San Marino job. The lot of us, my coworkers that is, worked a car show event that benefited the library that day. We were hot and hungry and decided to get some food at In-and-Out. I loved that group of coworkers. That group was probably the best group of coworkers I will have the privilege of working with.

Taken on July 13, 2013, during one of my many trips to Big Sur. I went with TheGirl on this trip and we had a nice hearty breakfast before going exploring. The breakfast sandwich I had was spot on, and so were the country fries. I had a fisheye lens for my iPhone and I was on this fisheye photo taking kick back then.

Taken on July 12, 2015, It may not seem like a very long time ago, but a year can be such a long time. Case in point this picture. This picture was taken just over a year ago, when I was willing to drive an hour South to Disneyland after work. These days I don't want to drive five minutes out of my way for anything. As I write this I haven't been to Disneyland in about two months, and on a Sunday in I don't know how many months. This trip to Disneyland was kinda crazy. I arrived, had some food, and then went to the nearest bar, in DCA. I not only had the Manhattan, but I also had a flight of whiskey. It got me pretty sauced. I could go back and check in my journal what I was feeling that day, but I feel that I have to be of the moment. And, at this very moment I don't remember what my mindset was. However, I can tell you I had a great time.