I can say that March was the month that cemented what the year 2016 is going to be.  The year certainly can't be called new anymore.  For better or for worse, it is 2016.  Time for the update.

Tue Mar 1, Since I didn't have to start work at Glendale today until 7pm, I decided to not hide out at my San Marino job this morning.  Instead I decided it was a good day to go to Disneyland.  I figured correctly that the park would not be packed to the gills.  The last time I was at the park I had to go through the security check point.  The lines were pretty long to get into the safe area in the esplanade.  Thankfully it didn't take long to get into the park.  Once inside I noticed that so many attractions are being renovated right now.  Indiana Jones and the Jungle Cruise were both closed.  And with this Star Wars land construction going on, the railroad is closed, the Rivers of American, the canoe, Tom Sawyer island.  That half of the park has a lot of closed attractions.  I made the best of it.

My pseudo supervisor at San Marino asked me to see if I could find some Winnie the Pooh hair clips.  This is why I ended up spending so much time in Critter Country.  While there I looked around to see the details.  There's a guy I watch online that showcases little things that I don't see because I'm on my way to another ride.  Disneyland is themed quite well, with many little details that make the park not just a park.  In Critter Country I took some time to check out the stores and found a drinking fountain I never knew about.

I ate a lot today.  I not only ate a corn dog a little after arriving, I then had lunch at the Carnation cafe.  I was stuffed.  On my way out to the car I could see the construction going on for the new land.  A huge chunk of the backstage area has been cleared and construction is going there now.  There isn't much room in the bounds of Disneyland for expansion.  Which is why they are expanding into their backstage area.  Well, I guess this thing is for real.  There will be a Star Wars land at Disneyland.  Terrible.

I must say, the weather was perfect today, making the park look extra pretty.  The blooming trees made for a nice frame on the photo above.  See?  It was just nice to walk around.  There was a good number of people in the park, but nowhere as many as in my other visits.  I liked that, and I think I'll try to make more of these middle of the week visits.  Years ago, when I wasn't working, I would often go to Disneyland on a Tuesday or Wednesday.  It was good times, since the park was almost always empty.  I can't say it was empty today, but it was certainly more manageable than the last couple of times I've gone there.  I have this idea that I would rent a room up the street at one of the hotels around the park and stay overnight.  That way I could catch a parade and fireworks.  Two things I never get to do.  Maybe soon.

I left the park a little after 3pm and was on the road just before 3:30.  The drive home was a clusterfuck.  I could see on my phone apps that traffic on the 5 was horrible.  I took the 91 to the 710 North.  But it was when I reached where the 710 and the 5 meet that my progress slowed to a crawl.  I made my move to get off the 710, but I ended up having to continue until Valley blvd.  Then I traveled up Freemont until I reached the 210 freeway.  I took that to Glendale and around a little before 5pm.  It was a looping detour, but one I thought was better than the alternative of the 5 North through downtown and Glendale.

I needed to reach Glendale before 5pm because my buddy asked if I wanted to eat dinner with him.  I was still stuffed from my lunch at Carnation, but I also needed to eat since I was working still 10pm.  I ate a small order of chicken katsu.  I REALLY need to get this weight under control.  I'm pretty sick of being this fat.  We ate, we chatted about the job, these women, the usual stuff.  Then I went into work.

There really isn't anything to report about work.  It's work, and today there was zero drama.  I did want to mention Gen page, who is a girl that was working in the children's room upstairs, until Squire left and now she's moved downstairs.  She cute.  Young, cute, friendly.  Earlier this week she called me by name.  She's cute.

Wed Mar 2, On my way to work there was an accident that blocked my path on the 134.  The traffic didn't just slow to a crawl, it completely stopped as they moved the mess to the side of the road.  It wasn't a huge accident, but it pushed my start at work to 10am.  Which is fine, because I was going to start at that time anyway.  There isn't much to report from work today.  Oh wait, I just remembered that we had a whole thing with a homeless lady today.  This one homeless lady has become a semi-regular to the library.  She really smells of urine.  She was sitting on our books.  She doesn't talk, only communicating by pantomime.  From what I gathered she was "saying" that she was propping herself up with the books because her knee hurt.  I went ahead and got her a cushion that my pseudo supervisor was going to toss out.  But, even after I gave it to her she grabbed another book and sat on that one.  After that I texted the boss.  She had the bright idea of giving her some discarded books for her to sit on.  Specifically she told her that the books were now hers.  Yet, she didn't take them with her.  Just great.

TheGirl couldn't' go to Trader Joe's to buy food for tonight's dinner.  She suggested we go somewhere.  I didn't know where to go, but I didn't want to go back to the place we went to last week.  The food there is bland.  The margaritas are good, but just the margaritas.  I stupidly suggested a place known for good burgers, but I'm not trying to have a burger every meal.  I need to get some of this weight off me.  I ordered a pulled pork sandwich, which looked tasty but was ultimately devoid of any taste.  Thankfully the booze hit the spot.  I won't soon suggest this same spot for dinner again.  I think the bland Mexican food would have been better, and cheaper.  When you look at the sandwich above just know that the fries were the only tasty thing on the plate.  They even fucked up the cole slaw.  How does one make cole slaw that has zero taste?  Dammit, it was such a waste of calories.

Thu Mar 3, My aunt can't seem to leave me along in the mornings.  Probably because there isn't another time of the day that she actually sees me.  At night it's hit and miss.  If she's tired I will likely not see her at all when I arrive at night.  On my way out the door she says to me, "Call this number and dial the right number so that I can talk to the social worker."  The social worker she's talking about is the one taking care of my Godmother's case.  My aunt wanted to call her to tell her that my Godmother sometimes forgets things, like appointments.  She has an upcoming appointment with section 8, and my aunt wanted to contact someone in order to tell her that my Godmother might step out of the house because she does forget things like appointments.  Meanwhile the phone tree gave no options for finding her social worker.  I asked my aunt if she had a direct line phone number to the social worker, and she said that she didn't.  I just walked away, annoyed to be placed in that position where I can't win.

I arrived at work, TheDesire looked a bit like Audrey Hepburn, with her hair up, and wearing a black top.  Oh, and the dark glasses.  I told her that, and she thanked me.  She really did look nice.  She asked me to help her with her iPhone.  Because by virtue of owning an iPhone I somehow know everything about an iPhone.  I was happy to talk to her though.  I know, where is this all going?  I am just going to be her friend, nothing else.  I know the Universe isn't going to suddenly have her realize the error of her ways.  Perhaps it's not an error to reject me.  Perhaps it's for the best.

On my merry way I went to get the van from the garage.  I started to put the bins in the van when I noticed this girl sitting outside in the wifi cafe looking at me.  Quite intently, I may add.  She was pretty, and I liked how she looked.  The way we started talking is that a patron, this one guy that told me he was gay, because he thought I was gay, greeted me and said something in Spanish.  She interjected.  I knew at that moment she was interested.  I continued talking to her as I loaded the van.  Finally I gave her my business card and told her we should get coffee some time.  She seemed enthusiastic about that.  I loaded up the van, hoping she would text me.  Stupid me didn't just get her to put her info on my phone.  Argh, if she hadn't of texted me I would have not gotten to know her.  Thankfully she did text me.  We continued to text all day.  The girl seems real nice, and comes at a time in my life when I never thought I would met a girl ever again.  Not that anything has happened with this girl other than getting to know her via text.  I'm certainly putting the cart before the horse if I think I'm going to be able to sleep with her.  But that is the goal.  Wait, it's not the only goal, mind you.  But for now it's a goal.

On the route it was pretty standard day.  Except for the eleven bags I had to take to treasury today.  Brand sent three bags last week, but in the sorting they were placed right back in the bins that go BACK to Brand without having been processed.  Gen page is still new at this mail sorting stuff.  But it wasn't just Brand that had more than one money bag, though their four was the most.  A few of the other branches also had more than one bag.  Thankfully TreasuryGirl and the new girl worked fast.  It was also good that there were no mistakes in the count.  The rest of the route went well.  Nothing big to report.  I did have lunch at Brand with Misa.  She asked me about TheDesire.  She knows, it's not that easy to just take someone out of your life when you like them.  I told her there was nothing new, but that February set up things for the months to come.  It sure did.

I finished the route and was about to head out to buy something to eat when TheDesire found me at the door.  She said she was going to get something to eat, since she hadn't eaten all day.  She invited me to go with her.  She couldn't eat the food at the restaurant, because she wasn't on a break.  She was going to buy whatever and then return to her desk to eat.  I gladly went with her to get some food.  I tell you, TheDesire still has my number when it comes to making me feel like my heart is expanding.  We went to some franchise sandwich place that makes pretty bad sandwiches.  I joked to the guy behind the counter that TheDesire was going to pay for it.  This while she was in the bathroom.  She comes out and I tell her the joke, and before I know it my debit card is out of my finger's grasp and she has it, and she's paying for the sandwiches.  I told her I was just kidding, but she insisted.  I once again said that I was just kidding, but by that time she had paid for my sandwich.  Again, she pays for my meal.  You know, she does care on some level for me.  Sure, it's not what I wanted and wished for.  But we are friends, and I like that.  On our way back to the library she talked about how she wished that she could be happy, continuing by saying that it's something out of her hands and unattainable (my word).  I told her that happiness is something that just comes, you can't seek it.  I think my wisdom doesn't sink in with her.  Then again, I also can't blame her since we can only learn from what happens to us.  Someone can tell you something, but it isn't real until it happens to us.  I know that if we were in a relationship that I couldn't make TheDesire happy.  She would have to find that on her own.  I would be happy, happy isn't even the word.  I would be like a fucking firework.  Alas, I won't know that happiness again.  I had that kind of happiness when I was with TheGirl.  Oh was I happy.  But I'm a long way from those days.

On a side note about tonight's buying of a sandwich.  I knew this day would come soon.  TheDesire wants to turn me into her confidant.  She sent me those texts last month to put up a wall between us.  But before that I had already walked away.  However, I do still serve a purpose.  I am still the guy that is willing to hear her out.  I'm the guy that actually listens.  Who doesn't want someone who listens to what we say?  In that way I serve a specific purpose.  I told my buddy this, but I want to keep it here for posterity.  TheDesire will make me her confidant, and will make me one of her closest friends.  She will actually introduce me to her family.  I won't ever be husband material in her eyes, that's for sure.  Still, this friendship is going to be a hell of a ride.

I walked TheDesire to the front door of the library, and then went to my car to eat my sandwich.  She went up to her desk.  After dinner I returned to the desk.  MicroManager will usually give me three hours between the end of my route shift and the start of my desk shift.  Not tonight, and that's because her chief helper is still on vacation.  This is why I only had an hour for dinner.  I wolfed down my dinner, returned to work and things went well.  TheDesire was on the back desk, I threw some papers at her and the other reference librarian.  Then I went upstairs.  Tonight it was just three people working.  I was upstairs, my two coworkers were downstairs.  That it!  We had just three people working tonight.  No full timers, since Jr. called out sick, and no one else could stay.  It was against the rules.  Thankfully nothing crazy happened.  We somehow survived with a skeleton crew.

Today was the first interesting day I've had this year, I believe.  I usually ask people, "What's new?"  They usually say that nothing is new.  I usually have something to day.  But February was kinda a whatever month, and my answer has matched most people's answer.  Nothing is new.  Having so many things happen to me today, from meeting that girl and getting her number, and also the whole thing with TheDesire, it has certainly been an interesting day.  To say the least.

Fri Mar 4, I'm fat.  No getting around that fact.  I bought some hiking pants WAY back in October of last year.  I had this idea that on my days off, Friday mostly, I would go to Griffith park and hike.  I would hike and hike until I lost this extra weight.  In all that time I didn't go hiking in Griffith park once.  I did finally use the pants to hike when I went up to Big Sur.  But, aside from that my hiking pants have simply sat in my closet.  Today I decided to get my ass in gear and get going.  This journal of a thousand steps has to start today.  I went to Griffith park, the Ferndell area specifically, and started my hike.  I know that I'm out of shape, but I didn't realize how out of shape I have become.

I set my goal as the Griffith Observatory, which isn't very far on the hiking trail I picked.  However, not even half way there I was already breathing hard.  I already wanted to quit.  I felt terrible.  I stopped for a moment, and then continued.  I HAVE to continue this endeavor.  I HAVE to lose the weight this extra weight.  I didn't go up the trail when it split to the side that continues up the mountain to the observatory.  I knew I didn't have it in me to go all the way up there today.  All in due time.  I need to get up there.  I need to make it to the top.  I didn't make it today, but I did end up walking about two miles.  My walk tracker on my phone told me as much.  This is the first step.  I have to continue this.  Of course, I've now set myself up to not be able to do this for the next few weeks.  Not good.  If I want to get back in shape I need to do this more than just once a month.  I need to do this once a week.  At the very least.  I will make it up to the observatory without dying.

After my short hike I went to work in San Marino to do my usual hiding and waiting.  I did some things on the computer and texted the girl from yesterday.  She said she wished she could be in Malibu today.  I mentioned the pier there.  Then I said something like I needed to go down there soon.  She chimed in saying I had to go with her.  Solid.  This girl is sending all the right signals.  I think she might be interested in me.

Sat Mar 5, MicroManger didn't work this weekend, but that also means that TheDesire didn't work either.  Why is it that the Universe has deemed it that both of them work on the same Saturday?  I mean come on!  Still, MicroManager not being here is the best.  It was slow today.  I've noticed that the weekends aren't as busy as they used to be.  Sure, there are still times when I get slammed, but those are becoming rare.  Also, without MicroManager around to manufactory tasks I can kinda sit back and let the patrons come at me.  I can meet them on my own terms.  I think that's why working without MicroManager is so much easier.  She puts me off my game so much.

Someone called to ask me about a DVD that she was waiting for.  It seemed to be "in transit," but never actually arrived.  I put another one of the same movie on hold.  Before I closed the window for that movie I noticed the replacement cost for this video, which was over $3.9 million.  I had a good laugh over that price.  Best not lose this DVD.

This girl from the library I met on Thursday gave me her phone number, of course, otherwise we wouldn't be texting each other.  I needed to add her to my contacts, and because I use Google Voice to text her anything I put on that is automatically cross referenced with anything that's already on Google.  This is how I found out her surname.  Now I have a whole name to go with the person.  Now I can add her name instead of having a question mark as her surname.

Sun Mar 6, I got ready for work and headed out the door today.  Just before going into the car I wished the new girl a happy Sunday.  She told me she was recording some videos, but of what I didn't know.  She mentioned that she was posting them on FB.  I figured this was a good way of finding out more about her.  And also have a picture for this journal entry (pictured above).  Things I found out about this girl: she's a Christian, she sings, she's from Fresno originally, and she takes videos of random things.  One of the videos she posted was just of her in the parking lot of the mall down the street from the library.  I'm not sure what the purpose of such a video was.  Another video she's in a local restaurant and she's recording people as they sit and eat.  Again, not sure what's happening.  Also, she records the videos in vertical aspect ratio, making them that much harder to view.  This girl is interesting, to say the least.  I think she might be off her rocker, like Talia style.  Talia was nice in the sense that she at least let me sleep with her.  Hate to be so blunt, but that is my goal with this one.  She's attractive, and apparently just a little nutty.  I joked with someone today that I think that only crazy women would ever find me attractive.  I'm pretty sure this girl confirms that.  The only normal woman that's ever been attracted to me is TheGirl.

Mon Mar 7, Work was pretty chill today since pseudo supervisor wasn't in the office today.  I don't have much to report about work since I really didn't get much done anyway.  At one point I was trying to get some actual work done and I suddenly started getting really sleepy.  I think I actually passed out for a moment, until my snore woke me up.  I hate being that sleepy.

A little while back I was filmed saying "We're open," for a video about the library renovation.  Here are the results of my continued appearances on TV.

I dropped by TheGirl's place, as it the custom on Monday nights.  I went to Popeye's for dinner, feeling that I really need to cut down on this fast food.  It's making me gain weight.  Sure enough, I stepped on the scale at TheGirl's place and it said that I weighed 209 pounds.  That is fucking the most I've ever weighed.  I'm so fat.  I REALLY have to stop eating so much, and I have to get out there and walk these pounds off.

Just before heading out from TheGirl's my aunt called me.  She was calling because someone had tried to break into the house.  On the side of the house, where they just finished the roof repairs, someone tried to break the window in order to gain entry into the house.  My aunt heard the noise thinking it was me at first.  That is until the pounding became louder, and that's when my aunt turned on the kitchen lights and the person bolted.  When I arrived there wasn't much I could do but check out the situation.  The outer pane of glass on the window they tried to break through was broken.  The inner pane was thankfully still intact.  I went outside and noticed that the back gate have been opened, and propped in order to keep it open.  Thankfully they didn't break in, but of course my aunt was scared that they might come back.  I figure they wouldn't be since now they know someone is in the house.  They didn't see my car outside, so they figured no one was home.  I told my aunt that for a little while she needs to leave more lights on.  She wanted me to call the police, but I knew they would take at least a couple of hours to come out.  I figured it was best to sleep and call them in the morning.

Tue Mar 8, The route today was murder.  Not only did I have yesterday and today's amount of bins to deliver, I also had to deliver sixty chairs to one of the branches.  Fucking bullshit!  One of my fellow drivers asked me later on in the day, "Since when did we become movers?"  Oh, I've been that since nearly day one at this driving job.  I threw fifty chairs into the van, along with the bins for the first two branches on my route.  It filled the van.  Moving those fucking chairs tired me out, and that was my first stop.  I took the rest of the route in stride.  MicroManager told me to take my time, and I did.  Fuck that finishing on time shit.  There was no way I was going to finish at 5pm, what with the extra stop dropping off the chairs.  In addition to that I had to get petty cash at treasury.  Which did afford me a nice view of the new girl that works there.  But it's TreasuryGirl that's amazing.  She came of the back for a moment and boom, her boobs were so in my face.  When she walked away I looked at her legs and imagined them on my neck.

I had so many bins for just the first two stops that I had to deliver those book bins and then go back to home base to get the rest of the bins.  It was damn tiring to move the mountain of bins I had to deliver.  But, somehow I did it.  I did finish later than usual, 6:15pm.  Then I had the luck to be able to get some rest for a couple of hours.  Since MicroManager's pet is back from his vacation I don't have to come back and work four hours after working the shift.  Which meant I had a nice long dinner tonight.

I don't think I have a chance in hell of winning this contest with my entry (pictured above), but I'm told by people I know that I should enter these contest things.  I should have some faith that one of these times the judges will see my work and approve of it.  But honestly at this point I don't seek approval of such things.  I do like approval, but I'm not seeking it.  I photograph these things for me.  Sure, I share them with others.  But my goal is to take the best photo I can take.  I'll know by June 23rd if I made the grade, so to speak.  I'm not holding my breath.

Wed Mar 9, Except for the time I was on the reference desk today, I did nearly nothing at work today.  Which is how I like it.  Ha!  The one thing I did get done was checking a huge printer to see if I could make it work again.  The boss told me that it was a futile effort, and she was right.  But, pseudo supervisor asked me to check it out, and that's what I did.

TheGirl and I went to Timmy Nolan's for dinner tonight.  Last time we went I was suffering from a huge headache caused by that damn phantom pain that I had on the right side of my face.  I was in no mood to eat that time.  This time, I went right for the Reuben sandwich.  It was yummy, but huge.  I need to cut my portions in half to help with my weight.  Still, I ended up eating the entire thing.  TheGirl had half of her food.  She smart.  We had a seat where we could look down and see the cook making our food.  It's pretty entertaining.  We chatted about our week, and with an Manhattan in me I was feeling really good.  It was definitely good times.  I put off paying a bill until payday, Friday, because I wanted to have a few bucks for tonight's meal.  I also didn't drink more than one cocktail, because I can't afford to pack on so many more pounds.

When I got home the lights I ordered on Monday were waiting for me in my room.  There was no time like the present to install them.  I checked them out first, and sure enough the lights looks like they were bright.  I bought a pack of three and installed all three.  One directly in front of the window the robbers tried to break through the other night.  That way if someone tries to come that way again they will be hopefully frightened by the light suddenly turning on.  Then I put one in the back patio and one in the front.  Then I installed a string of lights that I bought probably something like two years ago.  I've been too lazy to put them up, but tonight I did.  They really brighten that area, as you can see from the photo above.  These measures aren't perfect, and they may not deter someone from breaking in to my house.  But, it's definitely an improvement.

Thu Mar 10, Tuesday was a monster in terms of number of bins, as I showed in a previous entry here.  Thankfully today I had a really light load today.  Only thirteen bins for the entire route.  In contrast to Tuesday where I had thirteen bins just for one branch.  I needed an easy work day after Tuesday, because Tuesday wore me out.

I have a coworker that my buddy nicknamed Ru.  I've written about her here before.  She is a little marvel, with a crazy nice figure.  One of my coworkers at central mentioned her by name last week.  Saying how "Hot" she was.  I concur.  I secretly took the picture on top, because I was compelled to photograph her beauty.  I sent my buddy the picture, and he reiterated that I need to have her pose for me.  Amen to that.  She is a little marvel.  Too bad I never had a chance with her either.  I really loved TheDesire, but I can't say that I didn't lust after Ru.  From what I hear from the other men in at work, I'm not the only one.

The rest of the route was super chill.  I took my time at each stop.  When I stopped off at the branch where Shay works I couldn't help but notice how big her boobs have gotten.  She has gained weight, much like I have, over the last few months.  She already had huge breasts, but now they are ballooning up even more.  She was my buddy's infatuation, so I never really looked at her like that.  But the other day her top clung on to her breasts, and they did look really nice.  I can see what my buddy initially liked in her.  Woo!  TheGirl, when I talked to her about how my buddy wanted to ask Shay out, told me that perhaps she had a crush on me.  I seriously doubt that was true.  Now chubby me can't be attractive to anyone.

If only to make my day a little longer than I wanted it since I had my easy day on the route today, MicroManager scheduled me from 6 to 10pm tonight.  When I first got to work I noticed I was scheduled from 8 to 10pm.  But I guess MicroManager needed me to cover the desk.  Oh well, I was looking forward to taking a nice long nap during my dinner break, but oh well.  I need the money.

Fri Mar 11, I went to work at San Marino today, but this time for real.  It wasn't some way to cover up that I have a day off.  They asked me to work the 10am to 2pm shift.  I didn't know until later, when a coworker told me all this stuff, but it turns out that the library assistant that works upstairs has a new job.  I later saw a post online that confirmed this.  My coworker mentioned that she might be leaving us soon, since the L.A. now has another job.  That makes sense, since the position doesn't pay that much at San Marino, and likely she's getting better pay at her other jobs.  I don't mind actually working on Fridays.  I would like it a lot if I was asked to take over on Fridays for a few weeks, or even permanently.  Keeps me out of trouble, and I get paid.  It would mean that my little adventures on my Fridays off would end.  That I don't like.  Perhaps I could find a way to juggle both, and work in the morning and after I get off at 2pm go on a little adventure before heading home.  No one has said anything to me about taking over Fridays.  Oh, I also heard the rumor that one of the librarians, my direct supervisor, is thinking of retiring.  So much speculation as to who will end up where.

The girl I meet last week, and that I was going to hang out with today, mentioned the other day that she might be going to San Francisco today.  I didn't what to hold her back, so I told her she should go to SF.  She did go, but then the plans I had with her to get some food were now dead.  I didn't mind.  From what she says and texts me I can tell she's a little out there.  Like Talia cock bananas out there.  She thinks people are out to get her.  Like I said before, of course only the crazy ones find me attractive.  Who the fuck else would?

Since I wasn't going to have a early supper with this new girl I wondered where I might eat tonight.  I usually try to drive close to home, so I don't have to deal with traffic after a nice meal.  Because I get really sleepy after eating, and I didn't want to drive under those conditions.  That meant eating close to home.  I went to Mendocino farms and ordered an Italian sandwich with an iced tea.  No chips.  I have to make an effort to lose this damn weight.

Sat Mar 12, I woke up feeling slightly dizzy and nauseous this morning.  Not sure why, but the nausea didn't go away.  I sat up on my bed for nearly an hour hoping that the nausea would go away, but it wouldn't.  If anything, when I would stand up it was worse.  It got late enough in the morning that I had to make the decision to either call in sick or force myself to go to work.  Since I wasn't feeling any better I called in sick and went to bed.  I slept until 3pm, and now I'm writing this.  I'm feeling nearly 100% now, thankfully.

After work one of my coworkers mentioned we should go get some fish & chips for dinner.  I've been to this place before, so I was down to get some fish.  My coworkers and I bitched about the things that our managers do.  It was a good time, but there isn't much else to mention about that.  I got home and my aunt had a really bright light on.  I saw her on the camera I have in the living room.  She was chilling in the living room, reading her bible.  I think it's a good idea to use that area.  That way, if some fool is casing the house again they will see that someone really is here.

Mon Mar 14, Daylight savings started on Sunday.  I stayed up late Saturday night, and Sunday morning I wasn't sleepy.  Mainly because that's my sleep in day, and even at 8am I'm still getting over an hour more sleep.  However, today the time change really beat me up.  Well, not just the time change.  I could barely keep my eyes open today.  One, daylight saving time kicked my ass.  Two, I drank quite a bit last night and I was hung over.  During my lunch period I had lunch and then went and took a nap in my car.  I was not feeling well.  That brings me to another thought.

I have not been feeling well for a while now.  It started with that phantom pain on the side of my face.  That finally went away.  But now my right eye feels funny.  I've tried to figure out what's wrong.  As far as I can tell I nearby items blurry.  It's not as bad on my left eye, and I think that's why my right eye is hurting.  I think it's trying to compensate for the difference.  This is just a hypothesis, of course.  I have no direct evidence of this.  A doctor would likely tell me either way.  I don't have insurance, so I can't just go to a doctor. 

I left work, and went to Carl's for dinner.  They have this 2 for X deal at their locations.  I was hungry, and decided two was better than one.  I didn't finish the second burger though, because I was stuffed.  In addition to being stuffed I started to feel really blah.  I finished dinner and went to TheGirl's.  She wasn't at home yet, so I waited for her in my car.  I flirted with passing out.  I think I actually did fall asleep a couple of times.

I had my usual visit with TheGirl.  I was feeling really tired, and my fucking eye was hurting.  I kinda just wanted to go home, but I was watching the end of the Bachelor show.  Good times.  I came home, exhausted from the day.  Tomorrow is my not driving Tuesday.  Which means I don't start work until 7pm.  I feel the need to just go and sleep in my car all day.  I think that's what I'll end up doing.  I really don't want to do anything.  Sleeping Saturday helped me a lot.  But now I have to get some sleep.

Tue Mar 15, I didn't drive the route today, so I had to fake going to work in the morning.  I should have taken a hike, but I honestly didn't think of it until I was already on the freeway heading East toward Griffith park.  I was talking on the phone to Roni, and ended up at Travel Town.  I talked to her about religious stuff, and then she had to go.  I went ahead and took some pictures in Travel Town, since I was already there.  I tried out an app that supposedly helps with camera exposures.  Sure enough, it did a good job giving me the correct exposure settings.  I like.

After conversing with Roni and Travel Town I was feeling a little hungry.  I went to CostCo and bought myself a hot dog and a slice of pizza.  The pizza and the dog were both meh.  I remember the hot dogs there being quite tasty a while back.  But this time it just tasted like nothing.  I don't think they use the Hebrew National dogs any more.  I ate my lunch in the back of my car.  It felt a little unsatisfied, but at least I was satiated.  I didn't feel like doing any other errands after lunch.  I went to the parking garage by work and parked.  I set my alarm for 6:40pm and went to sleep.  I knew I wasn't going to sleep all the way through until nearly 7pm, but I was sure I was going to sleep for a while.  I think I ended up sleeping about three hours.  Which was good.  I need the rest.

When I woke up I received a text from my buddy asking if I was free for dinner.  Of course I was.  We decided to meet for some food.  Our first choice was closed.  We ended up going to the place we always go, a Hawaiian food joint right by the library.  We bitched about work stuff, mostly the apparent 11% raise the managers and librarians received.  I could not confirm that they received 11%, but I could confirm that they received a raise.  I can say that because TheDesire told me that she had just gotten a raise.  Hmmm.  This is super shady.  They get raises while they talk about how the part time budget is drying up.  Makes no sense.

I had a super brief encounter with TheDesire.  She asked me if I had ever read the book, "The Art of War."  She looked quite cute asking me.  But, before I could talk to her much about it she received a text message and she bolted.  Probably from her fella.  I didn't see her the rest of the night, since I worked the upstairs desk until closing.  She still smells nice to me.  I fucking hate that I still find her attractive.  I don't have any illusions that I'm going to be with her.  I don't even really have a desire to be with her.  However, I can't lie and say that I wouldn't like to know her in a "biblical" way.  I still find her to be extremely attractive.  Oh, I looked her up on the website that gives salaries for public employees and found out she made about $65,000 base salary at Glendale, plus another $16,000 at her other job.  That's a nice amount.  WAY more than I make.  I could not afford her if we were together.  Dang.

Wed Mar 16, Because I slept so much Tuesday I found that I couldn't fall asleep last night.  Not for a while, at least.  As near as I can tell, I didn't go to sleep until after 1am.  This, despite the fact that I jerked off.  I didn't do it for long, which might have also contributed to the fact that I wasn't very tired.  That said, I wasn't super sleepy this morning.  I was tired though.  I went to work and fought the traffic on the highway, like every day.

I didn't do much work in the morning.  Ironically I do less work with my pseudo supervisor is in the office.  I get a lot more done when she's not around.  Or so I think.  I worked the desk with a slight headache.  This morning I woke up and didn't have that dull pain in my eye.  But, by lunch time I did have it, and it stayed with me most of the day.

I desperately needed wine today after this fucking week of dealing with idiots patrons.  I fucking wanted to choke everyone.  I quickly downed the first glass of wine TheGirl poured me.  The feeling of wonderful flowed through me, and my troubles of the week melted away.  It was nice.  We didn't really talk too much about any one thing.  Just a nice dinner with my friend, TheGirl.

Thu Mar 17, As as been the case the last two Thursdays I've worked, there have not been too many bins to deliver.  Nothing really worth mentioning happened on the road today.  Just a lot of fool things.  I was once again asked by Shay if I was going to dinner with the "gang" on Friday.  I have my own plans during the day, and I really don't care about her announcement, which is why my buddy and I think she had the bright idea of all of us going to dinner tomorrow night.  I told my buddy that I thought she was going to mention that she got a new job, or that she was moving up at Glendale, and that she got one of the two open librarian jobs there.  I've suspected that she was being groomed for such.  Tomorrow night might confirm what I suspected.  Aside from that the route was pretty standard.

I was extra tired tonight, and I was glad that I had a two hour dinner break.  I was able to eat and sleep for nearly an hour.  Sleep, sweet sleep.  Dinner was one enchilada and some rice.  My aunt gave me two enchiladas this morning, but I need to cut my portions.  I placed the extra enchilada in a container for me to eat tonight.  And I didn't add any sour cream.  It was dry, but it hit the spot after a long day.  I went back to work.

I told my buddy that my next prediction is that TheDesire would move me yet another step towards the castrated confidant.  The next move would consist of her telling me about another guy.  She would do this because she trusts me, and my opinion.  I had another prediction that a few months after that I would meet her parents.  Tonight I moved a step closer to being the castrated confidant.  She told me about another man.  She went on a cruise last week, and she hung out with a guy that lives, of course, in Glendale.  Of course he's Armenian.  Of course she has to tell me that they hit it off, and that they held hands, and that she made out with him.  I told me that she didn't sleep with him, because she's not that kind of girl.  I knew there would come a day where she would confine in me these things, because in her mind I am the castrated confidant that she can tell anything and everything.  Under the guise of asking for my opinion she tells me all these things.  If I still had an emotional attachment to her I would have been devastated.  However, the red hot flash that would accompany that sort of emotion never manifested itself.  Quite simply because it didn't matter to me.  She mentioned all this stuff because she felt that she sabotaged things with this guy.  She was supposed to hang out with him, but she said she was busy.  Which she was, but now she thinks the guy's feelings were hurt.  The evidence of this is that he has not texted her.  Probably a good assumption.  I told her not to worry, because I always tell people not to worry.  It's my "jam" to tell people not to worry.  Because, what does worrying do anyway?  I can now say that I'm deeply entrenched in Friendship Country.  Whatever.  She feels that she sabotage potential relationships, which I think she is right.  Also, mentioning this guy from the cruise makes me wonder what happened to the guy that sent her flowers to work on Valentine's day.  I think that guy is out of the picture, if she's making out with this new guy on the cruise.  As always, I wish her the best of luck.  I nearly forgot to mention that I bought TheDesire a book for her upcoming birthday.  I left it on her desk tonight.  It was a collection of Robert Frost poems.  It didn't cost me much, just about $4.

Lastly, tonight had to beat me up.  I couldn't just cruise down to the end of the work day without some sort of encounter with an idiot patron.  Tonight the honor of the worst patron goes to some douche that wanted me to print out some stuff off the employee flash drive.  I asked him where he got the flash drive and he told me that another employee gave it to him.  I smiled and lightly chuckled.  He didn't like that, and asked me why I was smiling.  I told him it was just that my coworker was bending the rules.  He tells me, "Why do you care?"  The continues by saying that I shouldn't care, and I should just do it, and the the cheery on top.  He says, "What kind of a job is that?  To sit all day there and smile."  I told him that he didn't know what I did, and left it at that.  I wanted to fucking choke this idiot out of existence.  He continued to, for lack of a better word, taunt me.  He asked me, "Why do you care?"  I said, "I don't care."  He was such an ass.  I printed his stupid print job.  The second cherry on the top was when he came back about twenty minutes later to say, "Your coworker cares, and was helping me out.  Don't go telling your supervisor about this."  Well douche, I wasn't going to say anything.  I was doing to drop it and just chalk it up to having to deal with a certain ethnicity.  But when he came back to tell me not to say anything, I got a little mad.  None of the managers stay until 10pm, so they'll be long gone.  However, where once I wasn't going mention this to anyone, now I'm going to tell my boss.  Not that he will do anything.  He won't care.  But I care.  Another patron came in, saying he didn't have a card to use the computers.  So, I looked up my dumb coworker's card number and used it to log this dopey patron onto the computer.  Fuck... this... shit!  This is not the last of this.  The fight must go on.

Fri Mar 18, Today is another one of my Fridays off, but of course I have to escape the house.  Thankfully Dane asked if I could help him out with a trip to the welfare office.  He had to pick up a card.  I met him in front of the library.  Thankfully my coworkers did see us, like they have on other Fridays Dane and I have hung out.  Not that I care, but still.  We went to the McArthur park area, and I parked the car while Dane went into the welfare office.  He was out in about fifteen minutes.  I didn't really have any idea where we could go after the welfare office.  I mean I had some idea, but at the same time I didn't want to suggest something.  But then Dane said, "Why don't we go to Griffith Park?  Cool, I thought.

I drove us to the Observatory and we went in.  The place was closed until noon, but we spent a good deal of time just looking at the view from the observation areas at the Observatory.  We finally went in, and I told him that we should check out the short film hosted by Leonard Nimoy on the renovation of the Observatory.  We still had to wait, but we got some nice seats and checked out the film.

Following the sort film the both of us were feeling hungry.  Dane had bought some sandwiches for me this morning, and we decided to go back to the car and get some of our food and have a picnic.  I didn't want to stay up by the Observatory, so I drove us down to my favorite area, Ferndell.  We ate there, and then we laid in the grass.  I always seem to get into a food coma these days.  After the sandwich I was ready to pass out.  All in all a good time was had.  I dropped off Dane and went home.  It was a long day.

My buddy and I talked about tonight's dinner with the coworkers.  He went, I didn't go.  The main thing my buddy said was announced at the dinner I didn't attend tonight was that Emma got the library assistant job.  No news about Shay getting the librarian job, which is what I predicted was going to be the news tonight.  Time will tell if I'm right.

I was texting this Vanessa girl today and she mentioned that she's probably going to stay up on SF for the foreseeable future.  I got tickets to the Getty Villa for next Friday, but of course those are for naught.  I will probably still go.  I won't stay long, I suspect.  Perhaps I can ask someone else to go with me.  Not sure who.  I should drop a hint to TheDesire.  Nah.  This may still happen, but I seriously doubt it.  She's a nut, and perhaps it's best if I just cut ties now and not waste more of my time.  Actually, this thing reminded me that I'm not supposed to be pursuing anyone.  There's nothing that's going to come out of that invested time.  It's all a loss.

Sat Mar 19, The weather outside was warm, but not too warm thanks to a really cool breeze.  However, as soon as I entered the library I smashed right into a wall of heat from inside the library.  I hope they finish installing the new A/C unit before summer arrives.  Knowing this place, it won't be ready.  I so need to escape.

My buddy told me last night that Emma announced to him that she had gotten the library assistant job at Glendale.  Today less than five minutes after her arrival at work she told me the news.  It's a big move in the system, because she works weekends at Central and they will now not have her work those hours.  She only works three hours with me on Saturdays, so the impact might not be as bad.  However, on Sundays, where they run a skeleton crew, she is going to missed.  My buddy has this notion that I might be able to work on Sundays at Central, if they asked me.  I wouldn't be opposed to it.  I would rather work there on a Sunday and not on a Saturday.  However, I don't think I could get out of working on Sundays at San Marino.

I texted TheDesire as I was walking into work this afternoon.  I texted her saying, "Into the sauna I go.  The rest of the texting you can see above, but basically she mentioned how sometimes she wants to leave the library and never come back.  I can't blame her.  I'm only there three days a week now, and I never want to see any of those dopey patrons ever again.  Imagine having to be there five days a week, and for eight hours a day?  In the texting exchange I think she thought me mentioning ice cream was going to dovetail into an invitation to get some ice cream.  However, I was driving home after having dinner with Dane after work.  I wasn't going to ditch him.  Not unless she said she WANTED to get ice cream with me.  Which wasn't going to happen.  The last little bit is a little cryptic to me, because I obviously don't know the details of her putting her emotions into other's hands.  I assume she means the guy she told me about from the cruise.  He, I will say, is a total dope.  I'm sure he wasn't shy about making out with her, but then first thing that goes wrong he bolts.  What I wouldn't have given to have his opportunity to be with her.  Her biggest fear is, I suppose, being alone.  There are worst things, I could have told her.  Especially since that's my lot in life, and you don't hear me crying about it.  I may bitch about it sometimes, but I'm not going to cry about it.  To quote Chris Rock, "You can't make a woman happy."

Sun Mar 20, There isn't really much to report from work.  I did exchange some texts with TheDesire today.  She saw my birthday gift that I left at her desk on Thursday.  Seems like she liked it.  I didn't try too hard this year with the gift.  Like I mentioned in a previous entry, I spent a whopping $4.  I forget how I ended up buying her this.  I know that I did it one night a couple of weeks ago when I was nice and sauced.  I knew I wanted to get her something, and the poem by Frost was on my mind.  And, I think that our conversation about how she sabotages her love life made me think of the Frost poem.  Not that reading a poem will help her.  However, in my drunken stupor I thought it was a good idea.

After work today I went with one of my coworkers and a patron down to Torrence to eat at King Hawaiian's restaurant.  They are the ones that make the sweet Hawaiian bread.  I had a good meal.  We shared some pulled pork nachos, and I ordered some ribs.  Polished off my meal with a slice of Paradise cake.  Everything was good, and the ribs were really tasty.  I didn't finish everything, but it I did finish the cake.  I will try to come back here again, but since it's so far away from home I don't know when I'll be back.  Still, I had a good, tasty meal.

Mon Mar 21, My pseudo supervisor told me last week that she wasn't coming in today.  This meant I was pretty much to myself today.  I hardly got anything from my assignment done today.  But, I did help out a lot on the circulation desk, because my poor coworkers have to deal with an onslaught of passports during the day.  I came out a few times from my office to help out.

The boss asked me today if I could work every other Friday on the reference desk.  The girl that was working that shift has herself a new job.  Though, she hasn't quit her job at San Marino.  However, she told them that she couldn't work Fridays any more.  Not sure when she'll show up, but that's not my business.  This means I don't have to fake going to work every other Friday.  This is definitely a good thing... for now.

Since pseudo supervisor wasn't at work, and I do have to conserve my hours for when I work now on Fridays, I decided to leave work at 5pm instead of 6pm.  That meant I had dinner earlier than usual.  I went to Taco Bell, because I didn't know where to go.  I am trying to eat smaller portions.  I need to couple that with more exercise.  The other day I looked at my fat body in the mirror.  I found that I do have some muscles deep below those rolls of fat.  If I could just get rid of the fat I could be in good shape.  But I need to also tone my arms.  If I did that I would look more proportional.  I think I can do it.  Despite this being the year of food, I think that in between these food missions I can eat less and lose some weight.

I went over to TheGirl's and she was telling me about a movie that she watched and that touched her called "Hachi: A Dog's Tale."  It's about a dog that is left in a rail station.  It's adopted by a man that takes the train every day to work.  The dog waits for him to come home from work each and every day.  One day the guy dies.  The dog spent the nearly the next ten years waiting at the train station for his master, until it's death in 1935.  The movie wasn't very good, but TheGirl was crying like a baby by the end of it.  I was not.  I felt a wannabe tear trying to come out of my eyes, but I've been harden in the last few years.  A sentimental story like that isn't going to make me cry as easily as something like the idea that things should have a deeper meaning.  I think the movie wasn't that good, but the story was touching.  Also, I was having my face licked by TheGirl's dog during the last act of the movie.  Hence me not being able to really concentrate on what was going on.

I'm drunk as I write the following.  I predict that despite all the bullshit that the last two years have been, I will have a chance at kissing TheDesire this year.  She has turned me into her confidant.  For better, or for worse, that's what I am now.  I do believe, in my drunken state, that there is going to come a day this year where I will kiss her.  And when that happens all the longing that I have felt for her will be concentrated in that kiss.  If it be the one and only kiss I share with her I will make it count.  I WILL kiss her as if it were the last kiss, because it might as well be.

Tue Mar 22, The amount of books on the route today wasn't huge, but the long day ahead made me pace myself.  MicroManager scheduled me for eleven hours today.  Eleven!  I still ask if such a thing is legal.  I'm too stupid to question it.  Also, what would I be doing at home anyway?  At least I'm making bucks.  Yeah right.  I sent my taxes in yesterday.  At least I think I did.  Damn, as I write this I'm not sure that I actually mailed them.  Either way, the check is in the mail, so to speak.  $3??.  I owe almost the same amount to the state.  But that payment will have to wait until after I get paid.  I decided to race through the route today.  If I quicken the pace I can finish at around 3pm.  If I really put the peddle to floor I could probably get done by 2:30, maybe even 2pm.

Shay and another coworker mentioned the things that happened on the Friday dinner I missed a few days ago.  I guess they needed to tell me, to perhaps convince me to attend the next group dinner.  I think I may show up, since I know that my buddy Vagabundo won't go.  I can't blame him.  It costs him money, and the only reason why he used to want to attend these dinners was for Shay.  Since he has no interest in her any more there really isn't a good reason to go.

When I was at GV Snow mentioned going to Disneyland.  Now I don't understand her motives.  For weeks she didn't even acknowledge me when I would walk in the door of her library.  Today she pops out of her office as I'm taking the books out to the van and asks me, "Do you still work on Sundays?"  "Yes," I tell her.  She then talks about how we have to go together.  I didn't have this thought at the time, but as I write this I think that together will not be just her and me.  It will likely include another friend.  I told her my schedule.  I played it like I still wanted to go, but the reality I'm neutral about it.  As she stood in the doorway of her office I could see her hips in silhouette, and they looked completely delectable.  Can't lie about that.

I ended my route run and made my way back to base.  I had to park the van in a different location since some idiot parked in the van's spot.  I called parking enforcement, but I couldn't stay to make sure that they arrived and ticketed the right car.  I'm trusting that they will do their job.  They probably didn't show up, but oh well.  One idiot got away with parking in my spot.  Fucking turds.  I returned to base and went upstairs to work the computer desk.  TheDesire pops out from the back office area and gives my coworker a cup of coffee.  I ask her, "Have nothing to do, huh?"  She laughs, and says "No, of course not."  She comes back a few minutes later to tell me that she bought a puppy.  It doesn't have a name yet, but she was thinking of naming it Charlie.  One of our coworkers hear this and say to her, "That name is too anglo."  TheDesire laughs in agreement and then leaves.  Later we were both downstairs in circulation, and in a quiet moment she tells me that, "She needed this," meaning buying a puppy.  My buddy told me that she bought a new car, but I can't confirm that yet.  I didn't see her car today.  But she did get a puppy.  It's cute.  We went back to work, and then later in another quiet moment she called the puppy her, "Son."  I texted my buddy, "Yeah, she's lost it."  Much like TheGirl did, TheDesire bought herself a dog to have a loyal companion that will love her unconditionally.  TheDesire may not need a dog though.  Because after all that I was walking by her and saw that she had some guy's face on her phone.  I suspect it's the guy from the cruise she was telling me about last week.  Whatever.  My buddy pointed out that she's on a spending spree.  Why not?  If you can afford it.  Shopping makes women happy.  So why not spend some of her new raise?  I'm happy that she's happy, but at the same time I question the source of this happiness.  It's an external influence that's making her happy, not what's inside.  Hey, but who am I to speak of happiness?

Wed Mar 23, My friend Roni called me today while I drove to work to talk about how she's married and bored.  It's a running joke with us, because we've both seen the Chris Rock routine about that.  She is still hung up on another guy.  She's stated to me that the spark is gone from her relationship with her husband.  I'm trying to convince her to work things out in her mind.  She needs to figure out what she's going to do with the rest of her life.  She can't go on with this relationship limbo.  Knowing her, she will continue to obsess over this other guy, and it will cause her marriage to suffer.

Speaking of married and bored, I had lunch with my friend Jenn this morning.  She's married and bored.  Our conversations are always about the guys she's lusting after.  She won't do anything with them, because of course she is married.  Not that that stops others from just following their lust.  I have admitted on this journal that I thought she had a little crush on me.  It turned out she doesn't.  Which is why I can just be her friend now.  She's nice, and lunch was nice.

When I got to work today, after skipping showing up in the morning in favor of lunch with Jenn, my pseudo supervisor asked me about my hours situation.  Now that I'm working every other Friday she wanted to see what that meant in terms of hours during the other days of the week.  I told her I didn't know, and that the boss didn't outline what I should do with my hours.  So, I will figure it out, so I don't go over my allotted hours.

After lunch TheGirl and I went to TheGirl's favorite restaurant.  A place that purports to be a Mexican restaurant.  I think this is the last time I'll go there, if I can help it.  The food is absolutely tasteless.  TheGirl likes it for the margaritas, which are pretty strong.  However, even the margaritas don't taste good.  At least they pack a punch.  The food was terrible, but the company is good.  After dinner we went to the equestrian center next door so that TheGirl could run her dog on the huge open lawn there.  TheGirl figured that would tire her dog out, but she still had the energy to play after we arrived back at TheGirl's place.

Thu Mar 24, I started my route, got the van, and pulled up to the front of the library.  In the past the tables of the so-called "wifi cafe" have had a few people sitting on them.  I've noticed in the last two weeks, at least, that there haven't been any people sitting at the wifi cafe.  I think most people have become wise and are going somewhere else, instead of waiting around the library until 2:30pm for us to open.  I knew something like this would happen.  Fewer and fewer people are in the library by the end of the night as well.  Only the real die hards that need to finish a project stay till closing time.  The would likely stay all night if they could.

The wifi cafe was a stopgap idea anyway.  The library is closed all morning, and doesn't open until late afternoon.  People are still going to come sauntering into the library, because the doors are open for the children's room.  However, we aren't open.  It's just another sign of the stupidity and shortsightedness the bosses have.  Of course the children's room needed to open at its regular time.  They fucking have storytime at around 11am.  Whatever, these dopes will never learn.

I got on the road after going to city hall and chatting up the new girl at treasury, which my buddy Vagabundo has named Demi (for now).  When I got to my first stop I started talking to one of the part time reference librarians.  While talking to him I looked over his should and saw on the board the words, "Tyranny will return, April 18th."  The photo above was taken close up, but I was about fifteen feet from the board, and the word "Tiffany" looked like the word "tyranny."  The part time librarian made the joke that I was right.  Tiffany is Syco's real name.  I sent the picture to my buddy, who got a nice laugh out of it.

The rest of the route was uneventful.  Well, one thing I do want to mention.  Shay called me, "My friend," and obvious reference to what MicroManager calls people.  I have to say, Shay's boobs are massive these days.  I've mentioned how she's not a slight girl.  Actually, I think she's as tall, if not taller, than me.  I'm a small guy though, but still.  When I think about how tiny TheGirl and TheDesire are compared to me, Shay being close to my height is different.  I couldn't help but check out her cleavage.  I know it's so silly and childish to make an effort to look at that little bit of skin.  I understand that intellectually.  However, biologically I am drawn to that, and I'm going to look every time.  In my head I still think about what TheGirl said to me about Shay possibly liking me.  If she did I could not live with myself.  Here I am encouraging my buddy to ask her out and she's interested in me?  Fucking Universe!  NO FUCKING WAY I'm going there.  I love my friend too much to want to go and date the girl he liked.  Besides, I am likely still hung up on TheDesire.

I know I said one more thing, but I have to mention this one girl I'll call knowing smile for now.  She is nice.  I would really like to get to know her better.  I'm have a deep want to be with TheDesire, but knowing smile is a great girl (from what I know).  I could have a awesome relationship with knowing smile before she runs off and gets married to some douche-bag guy.  Alas, nothing like that will happen.

You... yes you... the person that is reading this.  I write this for myself, yet ultimately I also write it for anyone out there that finds this and can relate to what I'm going through.  You are most likely a guy, though I don't want to say that a woman can't relate to what I'm writing here.  I thought about this journal the other day.  I thought that I might have to burry it while still keeping it online for you to find and read some day.  I may still do that.  I've given the thought of me not existing at some point in the future more time lately.  I'm half way to age 45 as I write this and that means that if I live to 90 I'm half done with this life.  It's a cruel joke to only have seventy years on this wonderful Earth, because a thousand years would barely be enough to scratch the surface of what it means to be human.  I certainly won't do it in the little time I have left.  But I want to leave this as a witness to what happened to me, and this city, while I was around.  I want to write things that explain my view, explicitly, so that some douche in the future can't attribute what I didn't say to some cause he wants to back.

OK.. that being said I want to say something about the idiots I work with.  Today they fucking pissed me off.  I was nearly finished with the route.  I pulled up to the library and saw a pair of cars parked in the loading area in front of the library.  Someone took the time to paint that the area is limited to three minutes.  However, people will park there for over fifteen minutes, because they can't find a parking spot in the now limited parking lot.  I drove up, saw that I had to park at the end of the loading zone, and I became angry.  The security guards saw that I was angry and laughed at my plight.  That only enraged me all the more.  I wanted to choke them until I took their life from them.  I bust my hump while on delivery.  I come up to the library and a bunch of cars block my way, and make it that much harder for me to do my job.  The idiots that laugh at me don't do shit during the day.  They stand around, doing as little as possible.  The fact that they laughed at me put me in a horrible mood.  I wanted nothing more than to drive up on the curve and run them over.  I did my job though, and got the books off the van and went to dinner.  One of my coworkers asked me what I was doing for dinner.  I snapped at him telling him I was having dinner in my car.  Fuck!

I went down to where I parked my car and saw a car in the corner that I felt was TheDesire's new car.  It's a Porsche, and white.  I looked inside the car for a moment, but didn't want to have the owner come up and ask what I was doing.  Even though I think it's TheDesire's car, I don't have any direct evidence that it is.  However, I'm pretty sure that it is her new car.  I can't confirm it until I see her in the car.  That might happen Saturday.

I went on my FB and saw that the crazy Vanessa girl was heading back to Los Angeles today.  She hasn't contacted me in a few days, despite me texting her.  I say fuck it.  She was a dead-end from the start (like every woman is these days).  I thought about texting her and asking if she remembered that we were supposed to go to the Getty Villa tomorrow, but why bother?  There isn't any redeeming qualities in her, or any woman for that matter.

Fri Mar 25, I had plans to go to the Getty Villa this morning with that girl Vanessa.  Those went up in flames, despite the fact that she returned to Los Angeles yesterday.  She never contacted me.  My new plans were to go to the Getty Center and check out the Mapplethorpe exhibit.  But, instead I went to work at San Marino.  I needed to print out a couple of things.

On my way to work my car reached the milestone of 100,000 miles.  I hit that amount while traveling to San Marino on the 134.  The map above shows where I hit that milage, just before Glendale Ave.  Wow, 100,000 miles.  I drove that amount in less than five years.  I'm thankful for having a car that has given me little trouble in the last five years, and hope that I can drive it for another ten years without major problems.

Despite the fact that I only had plans to print out a couple of posters for the boss, I ended up actually working a lot today.  I not only printed out the posters, but I also helped out on the circulation desk, because the desk was swamped dealing with passport applications.  The way we do the passports feels so Mickey Mouse.  Also, since our primary mission is to be a library first, this passport service has taken more and more resources away from that primary mission.  Today there were three people working on passports.  It was a madhouse on the desk.  If I hadn't come out to help I don't know how my lone coworker dealing with check outs would have handled it.  In a few weeks, when I'm working the reference desk, I won't be able to abandon that desk in order to help them at the circulation desk.

Sat Mar 26, Last night I was working on this journal when my MacBook froze up.  The "beach ball of death" was spinning on my desktop.  This usually stops after a few moments.  But not tonight.  Tonight it just kept spinning and spinning until I finally tried to restart the machine. It made the sound that indicates it's starting up.  However, it never started up again.  I tried this several times before giving up because it was getting late.  I figure that I have Sunday off and I can use that day to figure out if the poor thing can be revived.  I seriously doubt it.  It's a nearly ten year old computer.  I knew this day was going to come soon, which is why I was desperate to move the vital files I had on that computer to the cloud.  Thankfully I did, just in time.  If I do have to buy a new computer I'm not sure that I can afford one right now.  I'm carrying too much debt as it is now.  To now buy a $1,000+ computer would not break the bank, but it would dig the debt hole just that much deeper.  Perhaps I can hold out to buy a new computer for at least a month.  I'm currently writing this entry on my iPad, which I don't use that much these days.  I mostly left it for my aunt to talk on FaceTime with family in Mexico.

I had to go into work a little earlier than normal today, 9am verses normally 1pm.  I like being able to sleep-in.  Alas, it wasn't meant to be today.  Also, dummy MicroManager was going to be there today.  Thankfully she stayed out of my hair, for the most part.  The heat inside the library wilted her.  I told my coworker Emma that in the morning MicroManager's hair looked nice, but that by the end of the day it looked wilted.  She just didn't have the energy to bother me by the end of the day.

Sun Mar 27, The only plans for today were to sleep in and try to get some sleep during the day.  I didn't have plans to get anything done, but I'm glad I did fix a couple, of things that needed my attention.  One was the gap left between the new roof and the old metal awning, for lack of a better word, that covers part of the back patio.  The gap lets water fall between the roof and the awning.  What I did was place some of the roofing material between the roof and awning, bridging the gap and hopefully preventing water from going between the house and the awning.  Now why couldn't the roof guys do something like that?  Just dumb.

I did a couple of other things I won't bother to write about here.  Suffice to say, by midday I was feeling tired.  I was sitting in my chair and felt myself drifting into sleep, so I decided to just take a nap.  I ended up sleeping for two hours.  Guess I was really tired.  Thankfully my aunt didn't bother me.  I guess she heard me snoring.  When I woke up she did keep asking me if I wanted something to eat.  The food she made didn't really thrill me, so I told her I would eat later.  That later turned to much later.

At around 10pm I finally ate one enchilada with some slices of bacon for some taste.  Then I began to drink.  I really need to cut down.  Sure, sure, that's what I always say.  Ha, ha!

I failed the pull the trigger on buying a replacement computer for my now dead MacBook this morning.  I had this idea that I could somehow revive it.  However, I could hear the sounds coming from my old computer, and it sounded to me like a dead hard drive.  Couple that with a bad motherboard, and the fact that the computer is nearly ten years old, and I just knew that it was time for a new computer.  It wasn't until I had a couple of drinks in me that I finally pulled the trigger.  Because, I knew that I was just postponing the inevitable.  I picked the Air because it's the least expensive of the Apple computers, and I doubt I will need that much computing power for my needs.  Most of what I do already is done on my phone.

Mon Mar 28, My Solvang trip is sixty days away.  I still don't know what I'll do on that trip, but I do know there will be drinking.

I covered the morning shift on the reference desk today.  Thankfully the reference desk on a Monday is pretty chill.  I had a good amount of questions, but I also didn't kill myself either.  I could get used to this.  Ha!  Also, working until 2pm suits me just fine.  Well, today it did because I had some errands to run after work.  If it was a normal Monday I would have to find something to do before visiting TheGirl.  I killed an hour after my shift by simply having my lunch.  Then I went to my office and chilled a little.  It is much easier to do that now that my pseudo supervisor isn't working on Mondays.

My errands today included going to the 99 cent store.  My aunt gave me a list of things she wanted me to pick up.  While there I picked up a few things for myself.  Mainly some more solar lights.  I figure you can never have too many lights.  Especially after someone tried to break into the house.  Since the lights are so cheap I don't mind when one goes out or is broken.  If they cost more I would be concerned.

Once I was done shopping I had to get some food in my belly.  I am never sure what I'm in the mood for these days.  I decided I wanted a Fat Burger for dinner tonight.  They don't have the greatest burgers, but they are alright.  Years ago they had really good burgers, but today the burgers are just OK and they are small by comparison.  Still, the burger combo hit the spot.  The fact that it's a smaller burger didn't bother me, since I'm trying to eat smaller portions anyway.  Still, the price isn't small.

Once full I drove to TheGirl's place.  It was still early, so I decided to just chill in the car.  She tells me that I can go inside her place, since I have the keys.  I don't feel right doing so, because ultimately I'm still just a guest and feel that I need to be invited in.  So, I waited outside in my car for her.  I texted her a little later, and that's when she told me that she was out to dinner with TheHusband and her daughter.  I felt bad assuming a that it was OK to visit her tonight.  TheGirl took the day off to chill and to go see her dermatologist.  She had some growths removed.  The doctor did a biopsy and will tell her the results.  I should mention that TheGirl came home tipsy.  I could smell the booze on her breath, and she was a little amorous.  It's nice to have a woman greet you with a nice hug and a kiss.

After my visit with TheGirl I went home to drain and disconnect the water heater.  My aunt told me that Sears called to say that they would be delivering the new water heater at 8:30am.  Works for me.  When I was done draining the water heater I tried to move it off its pedestal and found it to be MUCH heavier than expected.  I could barely left it back in place after I loosed it from the wall.  I was able to put it back and tie it up until I get some help moving it tomorrow.

Tue Mar 29, I told my aunt that I asked for the morning off from work in order to install the new water heater.  Installation was easier said than done, however.  Thankfully my cousin's husband lent me a hand when I got stuck trying to get the vent to connect to the heater's vent.  The old tube didn't line up with the vent on the top of the water heater.  He was able to take a couple of flexible elbow joints and connect the heater vent to the vent outside vent.  Total time from delivery to finished installation was just over two hours.  Not bad.  I had a lot of help from my cousin's husband on this one.

Every other Tuesday my buddy drives the van, which means we cross paths when I come to work the late shift.  We usually go get some dinner before he hops onto the freeway and goes home, and I go into work to work the late shift.  Today we went to the mall and gout ourselves some pizza.  I've been to one other of these "build your own pizza" joints, and it wasn't good.  Tonight's pizza isn't going to make my top ten list, but it was a good pie.  At least now I have another option for something to eat by work.

MicroManager went on sudden "vacation," or so that's the official word from the boss.  One coworker told me MicroManager was going to be out for a week, while another said two weeks.  The email from the boss said one week, so I'll believe two weeks when I see it.  It's strange that she would go on a trip all of a sudden.  She typically takes her long vacation during the late part of the year, and it usually lasts until just past the new year.  Which means she just had her big vacation.  Someone said that perhaps this "vacation" is health related.  That would go a long way towards explaining why she suddenly took off on "vacation."  I don't wish her any ill.  I just wish she would quit.

Wed Mar 30, The boss asked me to cover the first hour on the desk today, but it ended up being closer to two hours.  Not that I mind.  What I do mind is seeing every idiot just do whatever they want.  Today's lesson in that comes from the morons that can't see the huge "Do Not Enter" sign located at the library exit driveway.  It's some major bullshit that people can't read one of the biggest and most obvious of "Do Not Enter" signs that I've ever seen.  I just don't get the mentality of some people.  The idiot pictured above was about to make a left turn onto a previous driveway, which IS the actual entrance to the parking lot.  But, there was a truck kind of blocking her way, so she thought it would be a good idea to enter through the exit.  At the LAST moment she sees the "Do Not Enter" sign and starts to make a three point turn.  What a fucking dope.

Work itself was uneventful.  I got some things done, but mainly I worked the desk.  The morning shift, as I said before, consisted of me covering the desk for the first couple of hours during the morning.  I then returned to my afternoon shift, where I was quite busy doing a little bit of everything.

There's a young lady that is a relatively new clerk at my San Marino job.  She's pretty, and I like her style.  It would be nice to find out more about her, ask her out and such.  Alas, THAT ain't gonna happen.  It's just a pipe dream.  Women are just something I'm not good at in this life.  Besides, I can't go back on the idea of being a hermit and single until I die just because a pretty young thing appeals to me.

As I write this I suddenly remember that my pseudo supervisor was saying she was trying to set me up with a woman.  Not that I'm in a hurry for that to happen, but she hasn't mentioned that as of late.  I'm good with that.  I don't want to be with anyone.

My buddy Dane and I have been friends for nearly as long as I've been working at the Central library.  I think he saved me from losing my mind there.  I only wish I had some way of helping him off the streets.  We often talk about the idiots at the library, but today he continued his campaign against the patrons.  He texted me saying that the people that go there and study should stay home.  Sometimes that's not possible.  Also, I told him, there are distractions at home.  TV is the biggest distraction.  But, he doesn't want to hear about that.  I get it, he wants to have his space at the library.  I know that people tend to cluster up.  Instead of picking any number of empty tables, these dopes do tend to pick a table next to him.  He doesn't like it, but it's not his space.  The library is for everyone.  Otherwise he wouldn't even be let in.  Again, I wish I could help him get off the streets.

After work I went to TheGirl's where she had cooked up some chicken.  It hit the spot.  After dinner was over, and I was feeling pretty good from the wine, TheGirl said she wanted some chocolate cake from a restaurant about three blocks from her place.  Since I was feeling pretty good I joked that I should take Chan with us.  She said, "Why not," and that's how Chan ended up going with us to get chocolate cake.  The cake was terrible, but the walk was fun.  It mark's the first official time that Chan has gone out with us and not stayed in the car.  When we returned to TheGirl's place her dog and I played our usual game where she tries to catch my hand.  At the end of the night she was pretty pooped, and so was I.  A good night for all, including Chan.

Thu Mar 31, During my usual routine when I drive I go into the library, get the keys for the van, then go back to the garage to drive the van to the front of the library so I can pack the books into it.  While at the garage I get my lunch and water for the day.  While walking to my car I had this thought that I hadn't yet seen TheDesire driving her new car.  I knew with a logical certainty which car was her car, the new white Porsche.  Funny, I told her to get a Porsche, and she didn't seem keen on the idea.  As I was thinking that I picked up my lunch and closed my hatchback.  I turned around and just as I turned around TheDesire drives by, sunglasses hanging just below her nose, like a big mustache.  I texted my buddy that I could "CONFIRM" that I've seen her drive her new car.  Too funny.

The route today was standard.  I'll just mention that Shay's breasts looked super huge today.  I can see why my buddy liked her.  The rest of the route was fine.  Roni called me, and my stupid phone didn't let me answer it.  For the last few weeks I've had problems with my phone not responding to my touch.  Today the frustration got to me and I cracked the screen.  I'll have to get it repaired tomorrow.

I've always found TheDesire to be incredibly attractive.  I think I have an affinity to her ethnicity, and she is a beauty among beauties.  Today she wore tights, and boy did my eyes linger on her body.  She has slimmed down, and she must know she looks good, because she isn't one to wear tights like that.  Perhaps her new fella has her happy enough that she has the desire to show off her body.  I don't know, I'm just talking out of my ass right now.  What I want to say is that she looked amazing today.

Taken on March 2, 2013, while on a trip to San Simeon to visit Hearst Castle. I decided to go on the night tours up at the castle.  I timed my drive up to San Simeon so I could get some food, take some pictures, then check-in to my room, and then go up to the castle for the night tour.  I stopped off in Cambria for lunch, and decided to go to Moonstone Beach.  There I took one of my better photos.  This one above is very similar to that photo.  It was taken with my iPhone 4, which had a speck of dust in the lens.  This is why you see a little purple in the lower right quadrant.  There's so much history attached to these photos and that trip.

Taken on Aug 24, 2003.  I had a thing for Talia when I first met her.  I asked her out soon after meeting her.  She turned me down.  However, I persisted and I convinced her to pose for me.  That first photo shoot yielded some of my earliest photos posted on my website.  I wanted to capture what I saw in her, but I was new to portrait photography, so I just kept taking photos.  I figured I had one chance with this girl.  That night she kissed me.

Taken on March 22, 2007.  There was a time before I started working there that Glendale felt like such a long distance away.  Just a few months before I was sleeping with Talia.  I would often go to the Extended Stays hotel on Pacific Ave. to have sex with her.  On one occasion I stepped outside on her room's balcony and took this picture of the city and the mountains.  Little did I know that in less than a year I would be working in that same city.

Posted: 03.25.16 - Glendale Central Library