This past month wasn't a very good month.  Details are as follows.

Sun Feb 1, Last night, after posting the update here I had a couple of drinks.  I started watching the movie Vanishing Point, and I jumped ahead to the end.  I have the file on my computer, but something about watching it at that moment made me want to buy it.  I went online, found the Blu-ray for about $10 and change, without tax.  In my drunken state I thought, "Why not," and clicked buy.  The total was $11.11.  Fucking shit!  That damn number associated with TheDesire pops up way too often to be a coincidence.  Of course it always is a coincidence, no matter how many times I see it and want to associate some grand plan behind the scenes.  I'm hyper sensitive to those numbers. I put out a lot of fires at work today.  It became more quiet as kick-off neared.  My buddy Jon invited me after work to go to his place and watch the game.  Right after work I bolted to his place.  I half wanted to ditch and go home because I was feeling tired, and I had a headache.  Thankfully I thought better of ditching.

I got to view most of the second half of the game at Jon's.  The game was great, a really great game.  I've been rooting for the Patriots all year and I knew they had it in them.  Being down by 10 at one point didn't mean they couldn't come back.  They have done so all year.  But that last play... wow!  I mean it was nuts how the previous play seemed to be a bad omen, a remembrance to the crazy catches that have felled the Patriots in the past two Super Bowls.  I watched this Patriot team all season, never missed a game.  Tonight's win was great for a fan.

Mon Feb 2, Work was whatever this morning, and evening for that matter.  I'm trying to catch up with some stuff that I've been slacking on.  So, this time without Pseudo supervisor has been good.  I've had the time to catch up.

I visited TheGirl after work.  Typical visit.  Her dog needs a little more discipline.  I told TheGirl that she was an old softy, and that if we ever had a child that I would be the disciplinarian.  Course there was zero chance of us having a kid.  Chan is the closest thing we will ever have to a child together.  I talked to her about the Super Bowl.  She didn't watch it.  While she was walking me out she mentioned that TheHusband had gone to Laughlin with some, "Floozy," as she said.  There was a tone of bitterness in her voice.  Hey, they're just "friends."  I'm sure they still sleep together, unlike TheGirl and I.  As I've said here before, I'm not going back there.  I guess I can't feel sympathy for her just this minute, because I saw that she still hangs out with TheChisel.  Something about that guy sticks in my crawl.  Oh yeah, its the fact that he replaced me.  In the long run it was for the better, but still.  I don't want to rehash things, but certainly I didn't think he was still around.  But he is, and he will be for many years to come.  I'm sure.

I was checking my website's stats and found a IP marked as the city of Glendale, where I work.  It would seem that someone from work has discovered me, and this website.  Oh well.  I should have known this day would come.  I don't know how they found me, but I'll have to figure that out.  I know it was a search, but I wonder what term they put.  Whatever.  If they only read my online journal then I'm kinda safe.  I don't write nearly as much, or with so much detail, as I do here.  But if they're reading these words then they have the keys to the kingdom, and can know so much about me that I purposely don't share.  Oh well!

Tue Feb 3, I decided not to worry about someone from work viewing my website, and possibly seeing these entries.  What's done is done.  I can't make them un-see it.  Still, I wonder how they found me.  I think I did a good job covering up my cyber tracks.  Obviously not good enough.  And really I am kinda hiding out in the open.  I write this for me, as a chronicle of my life.  But I guess since I am putting it online I figure someone will some day read it.  I try to pull no punches when I write here.  Of course, contemporaries might not like what I say about them, or others, here.  Or may find it salacious to read what's going on in my life.  It also could be that they find all this quite boring.  Which, it would be to anyone else that's not me.

There was a moment tonight at work where TheDesire and I talked.  She greeted me with that smile of hers, and told me how the photos I gifted her served as inspiration for a friend of hers.  It's a great honor to inspire someone, a fellow artist.  I can't wait to see the finished product.  Yes, I'm talking to TheDesire.  I'm not ignoring her anymore.  I came to the conclusion that I want TheDesire in my life in some capacity.  I want her to be my friend.  TheDesire is special enough in my life that I can just be her friend.  I'm satisfied with that right now.  I gave it my best try to win her over, and it wasn't good enough.  As I've said many times here, I have resolved myself to that idea.  Her friendship is important to me now, as much as the friendship with TheGirl.  It's crazy to say that so soon after saying I needed some space.  But I had that space, and now I'm in a much better place.  A place where I can accept these things.

Tonight my aunt called me when I was at Carl's having a burger.  I usually eat a burger before going home with my buddy.  My aunt called me and said that I should go home because my cousin's husband was coming over later to drop off something, and he would be needing my help.  I rushed home, and it was for naught.  He never showed.  Even before that I was pretty pissed, because she always does this kind of shit and she's never right.  So I rush home and, like I just mentioned, I didn't have to do so.  Since I was pissed I stayed outside in my car until just a little after 10.  I noticed in the rearview mirror that my aunt was in the window looking out.  I made it like I had just arrived.  Fucking bullshit!

Wed Feb 4, Last night I came home and my aunt told me that she had placed a mezuzah on my room's door jam.  She has this notion that she's Jewish, despite the fact that the guru she listens to mentioned jesus.  Well, not Jesus, Hashem.  Whatever.  The point is, she placed a mezuzah on my door jam for good luck, I guess.  I am the first born, though.  I am blessed by a God I don't believe in.  HA!

I took my ass to work.  I was so tired this morning.  I was talking to a friend the other morning and she mentioned how my schedule is just killer.  No wonder I'm always tired.  When I arrived at work my coworker Annie told me that I looked tired.  Yeah, I feel pretty damn tired too.  I'm just surviving on will at this point.  Will and not knowing any better.  My class as a little frustrating today.  Isn't it always.  I don't want to teach the desktop class any more.  I hope to convince the powers that be to no longer have me teach computer desktop.  I just want to focus on the iPad.  Class being done I treated myself to lunch.  Actually, my aunt gave me a coupon for a new burger at Jack-in-the-box.  Some monstrosity called the Buttery Jack.  I have to say, they put enough butter on it to make it taste OK.  Nothing great.  But they did give it to me for practically free.  I just had to pay $2 for a soda, which I was going to buy anyway.  I'm a tub these days, so I didn't order any fries.  The burger was enough.  I feel that I eat too much, and I don't exercise enough.  So the little burger was just right.  I need to lose some weight.  I feel like a balloon.  I drove back to work, sat in my car and took a nap before starting my shift.  Oh, by the way, the burger wasn't that much better than anything else on the Jack-in-the-box menu.  I really need to stop eating at these terrible places.

I took my traditional after lunch nap in my car and work up as tired as ever.  These hours are going to send me to an early grave.  My shift on the desk was filled with passport questions.  This seems to be the new norm, since the clerks doing the passports are just getting their feet wet.  They're still green.  I try to help the best I can, but I have my own set of questions to answer from patrons.

Dinner tonight with TheGirl was quite revealing.  After going to Panda Express and getting take-out we returned to her place.  We had a little wine, and she mentioned TheChisel by name.  She NEVER does that.  Said that when she hangs out with him that he will say, "Oh, I left my wallet at home," in order to not pay for his part of lunch or dinner.  TheGirl says that she doesn't want him in her life, but of course she doesn't do anything about it.  So it's all her fault that he treats her like she does.  She says he's a loser, but nearly in the same breath makes the excuse for hanging out with him is because of her dog.  He has helped with the training.  But if someone is such a jerk, why hang out with them?  This is the fatal flaw in TheGirl's argument.  Perhaps the next thing she told me after dinner, which was that she is lonely.  She asked me if I ever get lonely.  These days I really don't.  I tend to be too busy with things to even think about that.  I want to have a companion.  Snow is the leading candidate for that.  But I'm obviously not in a rush to do anything about it.  Most nights I just want to go home and sleep.  I'm tired.  Too tired to pursue anyone.  And I don't want to trust anyone, like I did TheGirl, ever again.

Thu Feb 5, The route today wasn't too bad.  I had two extra stops to make, so I made them at the start of the route.  I had to take some barriers to the city lot that were used two weeks ago.  I tried to return them last week Friday, but the lot was closed.  Today I went first thing, careful not to run into TheHusband at the city lot.  I was in and out in less than ten minutes.  Then the route.  Slow at first, since I was behind.  But after hitting the second library on my route it was all smooth after that.

Job 2 was a grind tonight.  I turned around at one point it was only 7:40pm.  ARGH!  I'm here writing this and it's still only 8:40pm.  The last hour has felt like three.

Fri Feb 6, I couldn't take a shower this morning because of our drain problem.  It fucking sucks not being able to shower.  Fucking made the whole day a stinky day.  Not that I stunk super bad, but I was afraid that everyone would know I didn't shower that morning.  The route itself was torture.  I had two "special" deliveries added on to the route.  The first was a stop in Burbank, the second was delivering the musical petting zoo instruments back to central.  ARGH!  All this extra shit made me have to leave at 5pm, instead of the normal 3pm.  Two fucking extra hours on the route.  No wonder I passed out so early tonight.  There isn't much to report on the route today.  Just the same typical stuff.

I did finally get my W-2 forms from Glendale today.  It turns out that between the two jobs I made over $30,000.  I fucking NEVER thought I would make that kind of money.  It's not a lot, but I do feel the extra pay from my raises in my paychecks these days.  I deserve more money, but at least now I have a few extra dollars at the end of the month.  Not a lot, but it was enough money that I paid all my bills and still had enough to save up for my property taxes.  Of course in time for that it looks as though the plumbing problems are going to cost a bit more than we hoped.  My cousin's husband has been trying to unclog the drains all week.  He has tried nearly everything, and without any luck.  It would seem that it's time to call in a professional.  The last time we had something like this we ended up paying something like $15,000 to fix the problem.  I'm still paying for that shit.  Oh well, what can you do?  It's an old house, and things are going to fall apart over time.

Sat Feb 7, Despite the fact that the drain in the shower isn't working, I had to take a shower today.  The drain not working isn't anything new.  I've been living like that for a while now.  I finally had a legitimate day off today.  I had only one thing on the agenda today, play Star Trek.

My former coworker from San Marino invited me to his house to play a Star Trek bridge simulator game.  Shown above is the crew of our fine vessel.  I was chosen to be the "science" officer.  I did pretty good, I think.

Science consisted of scanning the enemy ships, telling the captain what their shield situation was, and what their shield frequency was.  Woo, science!  It was fun to play.  I quickly got the hang of it.  I'm certainly no mater science officer, but I think I did well for it being my first voyage.  I enjoyed myself.  It was good to be out of the house.

This morning I was still in bed and when I woke up I checked my phone for emails and such.  Finishing that I went on to Tinder, since I hadn't been on for weeks.  I came across a woman named Deidre that looks like the soap opera actress.  I mean it's her, though I wonder if someone is just cat fishing.  I'm 98% sure that it's some impostor.  But what if it turns out to be the real thing?  We'll see.

Sun Feb 8, Fucking patrons.  Today was a slaughter on the reference desk.  It's been worse, but today was pretty bad.  One patron comes in and is super demanding, and ruins all of our days.  She doesn't know how to work a computer, and when things go wrong she gets all nuts.  Then she becomes demanding.  Like it's our fault that she doesn't know how to do something.  We can't be teaching patrons how to use a computer.  We have them out there to use.  We don't mess with them after that.  But these fools don't know something as simple as printing.  "Where's the print button," is a question I get a few dozen times a week.  And I'm only on the desk for a few hours a week.  It's completely frustrating when the SAME people ask me the same question day after day after day after day.  Bullshit!

Then just as I was escaping that mess, I get phone call from my aunt, with a crisis du jour.  My Godmother will be thrown out of her apartment if she doesn't get her housing voucher for 2015.  My aunt wanted me to do all this on the computer.  I told her that she better have the paperwork.  Thankfully, when I got home, I found that it was simple to sign up for the new year.  A simple login, a few questions answered, and boom.  So, another crisis averted by the kid here.  This was a real crisis.  Still, I can never tell from from aunt, because everything sounds like it's a crisis.  This time it was a crisis, but the time last week when my aunt told me to rush home... that was not.  But how am I to distinguish?  Not easy.

On something completely unrelated to anything today, I watched the Simpsons for the first time in eons.  They still have the best visual jokes in town.  This one pokes fun at Disneyland.  I love Disneyland, but I also love the Simpsons.

Mon Feb 9, My morning shift was interesting today.  It mostly involved installing Photoshop onto one of the other computers in the library.  None of us could find the serial number.  I finally did, and installed it.  The woman whose computer I was installing into is that woman Tina that I've on again, off again, interested in.  My Pseudo supervisor told me she is difficult to work with.  I've yet to encounter that, but I may now that I'm supposed to work with her more closely.  Today, I wasn't thinking of that.  I hate to admit it, but in a moment when I standing above her I looked down her blouse.  There, I said it.  I did it.  I enjoyed it.  I'm still considering asking the other library assistant out.  But I have to rethink asking Tina out as well.  I was told by another coworker today that I should ask Emily out.  She's certainly the priority, but apparently not a high one in my mind.

I started job two and was sent upstairs to the computer help desk.  I was there for three hours tonight.  It went fast.  I was able to get some stuff done.  Such as planning for a possible trip to Big Sur during Thanksgiving.  I don't want to stick around this Thanksgiving.  In 2013 I went up to Carmel for Thanksgiving.  I had a crazy idea that I would start writing a novel that trip.  As far as the novel went it was a bust.  But it was nice to be out of town.  It was scary to have to worry about the house being alone for four days though, since my aunt was in Mexico at the time.  With my aunt likely staying home I can travel up north without much worry.  It's still early, but I do want to go up there and take a million pictures.  Time will tell if I make this happen.  For now, it's a thought.  I still want to go to SF and somewhere, anywhere, else.  For now, I've checked on possible places where I could have Thanksgiving day dinner.  The River Inn has a good dinner, according to my buddy.  Says he read about it online.  It's a thought.  My buddy mentioned how I should go up there with Snow.  But I'm not sure what will be my situation then.  I'll just considerer going to with Chan.  It's a safe bet monkey will want to go.

Tue Feb 10, I hadn't been to Disneyland since just after Christmas.  I felt I owed myself a trip.  I told San Marino that I wasn't going into work today, and went to Disneyland.  The drive in "rush hour" took nearly two hours.  Thankfully the park itself was not as packed at the freeways.  I went to the Haunted Mansion first off.  There was no line.  I followed that up with a trip on the Mark Twain riverboat.  I had some popcorn to tied me over until I could eat lunch.  I didn't want to eat so early since this was going to be my lunch for today, and I wouldn't eat again until past 8pm.  I walked around, caught some of the sights, and then finally it was time for food.

I knew that I wanted to have some chili on Main Street, but I couldn't wait any longer.  Around noon I bought myself a corn dog.  It REALLY hit the spot.  I did a little more walking, then went on Buzz Lightyear.  I followed that up with a little more walking.

It was nearing the time I had to leave, so I went to get some chili at the Coke refreshment corner.  As I sat there eating my chili two girls sat across from me.  The photo I posted above was taken with my "spy" camera, so I didn't have to pretend to do something on my phone to get the picture.  The girls were talking about class.  The blonde on the right reminded me of a porn star.  Or should I say, she had that porn star vibe.  I don't know if they were, or were not, porn stars.  Whatever, it was nice to sit across from them.  I finished up my chili bread bowl, which I had wanted to have for a long time.  It's too bad the chili was just OK.  I want to try "Walt's" chili at the Carnation cafe.  Maybe that stuff is better chili.  At least now I know what it tastes like.  Next time I get a craving for chili I won't go nuts about going to get Disneyland chili specifically.  I should have had the other thing I've been wanting to try, a sandwich from the Village Haus.  Next time.

I drove to 2nd job and arrived a little after 2pm, even though I start at 4pm.  I didn't want to stay at Disneyland too long, because it would tire me out.  Also, this morning I woke up with a scratchy throat, and I wanted to take a nice long nap in my car before work tonight.  And that's what I did.  I took a nice nap that lasted until 3pm.  I know this because I heard the other driver clanking some stuff around in the van, which was parked three spaces from me.  I woke up, and then went back to sleep.  I was then awaken at 3:40pm by my alarm that I set so I don't oversleep.  I wish I could take a two hour nap each day.

Tonight at work the ghost of TheDesire came a visiting.  I should really stop saying that she's a ghost, because she is a real person.  Beyond that, I have moved on.  I still have a moment here and there of what might have been.  But I'm not sitting here wishing I could be with TheDesire.  That's in the past.  The Universe does a good job reminding me sometimes, like tonight.  TheDesire was taking some pictures of some display she put up where you pick up a book that's been gift wrapped.  A patron isn't supposed to know what book it is, essentially having a "blind date with a book."  One of my coworkers took a book, handed it to me to check out, and didn't like it and checked it back in.  The little heart on top of the book I placed over my heart, as a goof.  And when TheDesire saw that she asked me to pose, as above.  Not going to lie, I would still like to plant one on her.  But now I won't do it because I value our friendship.  The other part of the picture above is the crazy schedule tonight.  Three full timers were out tonight.  It's customary for a full timer to close up, but tonight it was just the part timers.  In two weeks or three MicroManager is likely to return.  Best enjoy the good times while they last.

Wed Feb 11, Pseudo supervisor was looking for me yesterday.  I told her I was not feeling well yesterday, which is why I didn't come into work.  That story stuck.  I started my computer class.  I'm tired of doing the desktop portion of the class.  Later in the day I spoke to my recreation department liaison and mentioned dispatching with the desktop portion of the class.  She said it has been very popular, so that idea was shot down.  Oh well, as long as I get paid.  My shift itself today was uneventful.  I can only remember that I checked out my coworker's butt a few times.  She's been friendlier to me over the last few weeks.  Means nothing, of course.  Just saying.

Dinner with TheGirl was highlighted by real talk, and by having Chan reunite with his lady friend, a stuffed bear named Genovia.  That's them pictured, above.  Two grown people, posing a pair of stuffed animals for a picture where one stuffed animal gives a chocolate heart to another stuffed animal.  That's rich.  I mentioned to TheGirl that I have been making plans to go up to Big Sur during Thanksgiving.  This came up after we talked about one of our previous trips up north.  I still haven't told her about my trip just this past November.  She seemed keen on going this November.  I'm not sure if I was inviting her, but I guess mentioning it opens the door to a possible invite.  I'm still going ahead with my plans.  It's still so many months away, but I know I need to start planning now.  We also made tentative plans to go see a movie soon.  Always good times.

Thu Feb 12, The route today was pretty standard.  The one thing that I can report on is illustrated by the picture above.  It's of the certificate made for MicroManager.  At first I thought that it was something that was going to be given to her for her service, and for retiring.  TheGirl informed me that it's not just given to retiring employees.  Damn!  I was hoping that it meant she wouldn't be back at all.  The last few weeks have been a great chance.  A time when stupidity doesn't reign.  Alas, that will soon chance when MicroManager returns.  I wish she would retire.

I saw Snow today at work, after a long absence by her, but in the morning she rushed past me simply saying that she was running late.  I watched her walk across the street, staring at her hips.  She has nice hips.  I later saw her at one of my stops.  I don't know if she was trying to talk to me or not.  She walked into work, kinda half stopping to seemingly talk to me.  But then she wouldn't actually stop.  The second time she went back to her car to get something I didn't make an effort to talk to her.  I need to know if I'm just focusing on her because I really think she's nice, and I want to date her.  Or is it because I just want to date someone... anyone?  Snow is attractive, and super nice.  But does that mean I'm going to find something special with her?  Right now I don't have the energy or inertia to ask her out.  I just don't.

After work I thought I could go straight home.  But the brats were still at home.  I went to my local library and killed some time.  I came home and right away my aunt pounces.  I don't know why she won't let me have just ten minutes to myself when I get home.  THIS is why I can't just come straight home.  Because I have a comment waiting for me when I do.  She wants me to call a plumber the get the repairs to the drain done.  But this is now more complicated, and I have to research someone that can do this type of work.  It's not just call any plumber.  My cousin's husband tried nearly EVERYTHING at his disposal to fix it.  As I've suspected for a long time, the pipe is likely broken.  The clog probably grew in that spot and is now in need of some serious repairs.  What I like is having answers to things.  I'm quite mentally tired these days, because I'm expected to have the answers all the time.  I don't like not knowing something, so I do my best to have a wide knowledge of things.  I feel that I must have the answer to someone's question.  But what happens when I have a question?  I treat people how I want to be treated.  When someone comes to me for help I try my best to get their question answered.  It becomes an obsession.  What I find is that there are so few times when I encounter someone like me on the other side of the equation... when I need the help.  When it happens I tip my hat to them, and leave them a big tip.  When it doesn't, well...  This is how I feel with this plumbing thing.  I have no idea who to ask about this.  I wish someone like me would guide me through this.  Yeah, that's not going to happen.

Fri Feb 13, The route today was pretty standard.  The cold I woke up with on Tuesday sapped a bit of my energy today.  Coupled with the heat today, I would say.  Still, it was good times.

After work ended I went to Pie n' Burger to pick up a pie for my buddy.  While I was there I picked up a slice of cheesecake for me.  I fought traffic back to my place.  I changed, and my buddy showed up.  We went to a place in North Hollywood that's known for some good food.  The main problem is dealing with parking.  It sucked so much that we went around the entire block and didn't find a spot.  We finally gave up and I picked out a spot close to the Metro station.  The food was good, but not great.  Still, it filled our bellies.  We went back to my place to chat and watch some TV.  We drank a little, and passed out a little.

This is where my aunt butted in.  She came into the room, when I was passed out, and talked to my buddy about trying to convince me to stop drinking.  He told me later.  I was not happy, but oh well.  Yes, I don't want to be a lush.  However, it's still my choice what I do.  I did not appreciate her telling my buddy that he should convince me not to drink.  I already wanted to not drink as much.  But that will be my decision.  ARGH!  She's just so silly.

Sat Feb 14, I called a rooter guy today and he showed up, confirmed everything I was thinking of before, and said that they could make the repairs for about $2,200.  I told him to go for it.  They're coming Monday, will take the entire day, and hopefully after that we will have working pipes in the shower and wash bin.  My aunt tried to say that she would pay for the majority of the repairs if I promised not to drink any more.  I told her that I couldn't keep that promise.  It's not so much that I want to drink like a lush, but at the same time I don't want to be told what to do.  It is up to me what I want to do.  I have been thinking of cutting down on my own.  Mostly because of weight issues.  But that's my decision.  My aunt isn't going to tell me.

I told my buddy via text that after this weekend I'm going to try and not be home on a Saturday.  I want to do some sightseeing, as well as perhaps going to work on a Saturday to make a few extra bucks.  Especially since I'll need said extra bucks.  Maybe I can get a third job, or something.

Sun Feb 15, There isn't much to report on today, but I did want to write about how tired I am, and how tired I've been lately.  I can't say that it's all work that has me so tired.  It's also just every little thing that comes at me these days.  I need a change, but I don't know how to make it.  And I know that it's not easy to make changes when things are going relatively well.  I certainly need to spend more of my free time doing some cool things.  Also, need to give my aunt a wide berth.  She has the ability to push my buttons.  No one else knows those buttons, only her.

Work was whatever today.  Patrons suck the life out of me.  I remember when I was thinking of not going to library school any more I thought of how I would be bored answering the same fucking questions day after day on the desk.  "Where's the bathroom?  Can you wave those fines?  How do you print?  What time do you close?"  All those and more ran through my mind when I thought about sitting at the reference desk.  At least when I was on the info desk at CSUN I would get a larger variety of questions.  It's this erosion of the novelty of answering questions that gotten to me where I am now.. that is tired of people and their questions.  I'm just tired.  After the repairs tomorrow I'm going to have one less thing to worry about.  My aunt will find something else to bitch about, but I need my free time.  I plan on going to the zoo, and Franklin Canyon, and all these other places on my Saturdays off.  Certainly I don't want to be home, to be a stagnant target for my aunt's questions and comments.

Mon Feb 16, This plumbing problem that we have been dealing with for a while has now come to a head.  My aunt told me to call a plumber, so I did.  Of course the news isn't good, but for now the estimate is $2,200.  I'm actually surprised it's that little, knowing my track record with prices on events like this rising and rising.  It's still early, but today the plumbers cut through the floor and we will see what they find.

Today I slept nearly the entire day.  It was wonderful.  I wish I could do that more often.  I suspect that I won't be doing much sleeping any time soon.

After the plumbers left for the day, I sat down to watch the Bachelor.  They were talking a lot about marriage and stuff, since it's getting down the last few episodes.  A thought came to mind that I won't have to worry about all that stuff.  I guess I'm lucky that I won't have to meet a girl's family to ask for her hand in marriage, since I'm sure that I'll be a bachelor for life.  Oh well.  More money to pay these horrible bills I have.

Tue Feb 17, The plumbers thought that they would finish this in a day.  The problems just keep mounting though, and at this point the problem with the plumbing is only getting worse.  I had to hurry home after my San Marino shift ended in order to talk to the plumbers about how bad this has gotten.  It's gotten really bad.  The price is now shooting up to $5,000.  Knowing me it will grow to more before this is over.

After the whole meeting with the plumbers I was ready to just throw up.  I calmed down enough before working job 2 that I was able to wolf down a burger on my way to work.  I tell ya, this fucking sucks.  During my shift I did get to talk to TheDesire.  It's nice just talking to her.  She's so pleasant.  The ease of being able to talk to her made her that much more appealing when I was pursuing her.

After work I ditched my buddy Dane and went to TheGirl's for a shower.  I hate to say ditched, but that's what I did.  I told him I was going home because they needed me there for this plumbing issue.  I hated to lie to him, but I truly think lying is better than the truth in cases like this.  I went over, showered up real quick, and had a little chat with TheGirl.  She wants to go see 50 Shades when she comes back from her Vegas trip this weekend.  We thought of of going Sunday, but realized she would be tried.  Yeah, drive four plus hours and then go to a movie afterward?  No.  Not a good idea.  As of now we're aiming for next Saturday.  I nearly forgot to mention that Glendale asked me to work this Saturday.  I sure do need the money.

I tell you, this week has gotten worse each day that goes by.  I so don't have the mental energy to deal with all this, but somehow I must find it.

Wed Feb 18, Before I go on to say what happened today during my shift and during the day, I have to talk about the photo above.  It's my photo, the one I printed, framed, and gifted to TheDesire for Christmas.  TheDesire told me that a few weeks ago a friend of hers was inspired to paint my photograph.  I thought she meant that they duplicated it in paint, and added a few touches.  No, it turns out that the friend painted over the photograph.  Which meant that they had to tear apart the framing, and then have the friend paint some of the seagulls blue.  Why blue?  Don't know.  Hey, at this point it's TheDesire's photo to do what she wishes with it.  If she wanted to burn it that is her choice.  Certainly I wouldn't want her to burn it.  This paint job isn't bad.  It's certainly different.  I don't know that it "enhances" the photograph in any way.  But it is pretty cool.  So yeah, the ghost of TheDesire is still haunting me.  I was more interested in check out TheDesire's room in the reflection.  I can see TheDesire's reflection in the photo.  Too bad she wasn't topless when she took the picture of my photograph.  Ha!  Wishful thinking on my part, I know.

We're deep into the hole now.  I was going to mention how up to this point the bill was up to $7,000 on all this stuff.  But as I was resting in my car during my lunch break, I get a phone call from my aunt.  The plumbers mention how they found the pipe that comes from the shower is broken.  They could just couple the line to it, but they can't guarantee their work.  Also, that would leave half the job undone.  So I had to give the OK for them to tear up the shower tile and replace those pipes as well.  At an additional cost of $5,000.  That's not even including the money that will have to be paid for the tile work.

The Universe beat me up good in 2014, and I learned to take a punch.  So when this thing hit me it certainly hurt, but by the end of yesterday I was thinking that at least I'm still standing.  However, the Universe has now taken it upon itself to start throwing haymakers.  It's a good thing that I have that line of credit at the bank, otherwise we'd be in the street when it came down to paying for all this.  Universe, you have thrown dirt on me for a long time now.  I was really feeling down about all this the other day.  And by all this I mean my work situation, never ending bills, no girlfriend, house falling apart, and generally everything just sucking hard.  But I felt that at least I'm still standing.  I can't say I feel that way right now.  I partially feel numb to all this.  I think the numb feeling will wear off and I'll just be left with this overwhelming feeling of failure.  I feel like I've failed myself somehow.

All the plumbing problems in the world were not going to keep me from keeping Wednesday night dinner plans.  Also, I counted on that visit so I could take a shower at TheGirl's place.  TheGirl and I aren't anything but friends now.  We certainly don't sleep together.  I like it this way, since there's no pressure.  But, of course there are times when people are going to see us and think we're a couple.  Well, that's what happened tonight as we were waiting for our order at a local Zankou chicken.  One of the administration office guys came into the restaurant and saw us together.  He said hi, and as he walked away to order I could see a HUGE smile on his face.  BUSTED!  Ha!  Doesn't matter that we're not together, it sure does look like we're together.  Oh well.  Not the first time I've been caught outside of work with one of the ladies from work.  It's happened with TheGirl and TheDesire.  I hope to possibly be caught with Snow some day soon.

Thu Feb 19, The route today was bullshit!  Just everything this week went bad with the price of the repairs, and it put me in a bad mood.  Then, as I was at my third stop of the route, I drive up and park and notice that TheHusband's city vehicle is parked at the library.  Just great.  I knew he would come out as soon as I did.  And sure enough, I went inside and he was walking to his car.  I avoided eye contact, and turned slightly so that he couldn't see my face.  The guy looked really old.  But then again, I shouldn't talk.  My hair is nearly as white as his.  I hadn't run into TheHusband in a long time.  I was thinking about that last week, and of course in this bad week he makes an appearance.

Then there was job two.  Such a fucking long day.  My night shift was filled with little things that needed to be done.  And I barely had the energy to do anything.  I got off work and went home.  No time to go take a shower.

Fri Feb 20, The troubles of the route were nothing compared to today's trails on the route.  Today was all about obstacles.  The tile guy wanted to get a down payment on the work to be done.  I told him we could meet at my job.  But of course everything seemed to get in my way.  Cars, people, just everything.  The good thing is I was able to fight through and get the fella his down payment.  He starts with the final repairs on Monday.  What nearly derailed our meeting was a last minute request to take a fan up to the Brand library.  I always seem to get all the extra deliveries.  It does mean that I get extra money, but still.  Today I felt dirty and I wanted to shower at my cousin's.  She was nice enough to allow my aunt and me to go over and shower.

I will say that perhaps this bad week did finally turn today.  And perhaps I can say it turned on a small gift from Snow.  She said that she had some chocolates for me since Christmas.  She finally gave them to me today.  She looked so pretty today.  Her butt looked so nice.  I wanted to ask her out, but I have zero inertia with all this.  Also, I didn't want the stink of this week to taint anything to do with her.  Still, it was nice to get my chocolates finally.  I do want to ask Snow out, but I have to get some momentum going.  I just wish I wasn't so chicken.

Grown up I wasn't a big reader.  But at some point in my life I found the Anne of Green Gables series.  Mainly thanks to the movies starting Megan Follows.  I loved that character, and I had a huge crush on Megan.  Back in 2000 the third of three movies made in the "Anne" series came out.  It has taken me 15 years to FINALLY see the movie.  What a disappointment.  The film is not based on any of the books, but rather places the characters in a totally original story during WWI.  A story that sucked.  It had none of the spark of the first two movies.  I couldn't even watch the whole thing.  Oh well, Megan Follows is on a new show now.  I should try watching it.  It would be a thrill to meet her.

Sat Feb 21, The car needed an oil change today.  I guess I could have had it done when they were fixing it last month.  But I wanted to get every last bit of use out of that oil.  Also it's a good way to get out of the house on Saturday.  But then I didn't really need an excuse, because I also had to work today.  Didn't start until noon, but still.  They fixed up the car with new fluids and even had to change the battery.  The old one didn't pass the test.  Don't want to be left stranded.

Work was work.  It went quickly, and I didn't have too many bad patrons.  The last hour my buddy and I worked the desk.  We haven't worked on the same desk in months.  There's talk that perhaps one of the girls that works the weekends won't be able to work there any more.  Something about having two job titles with the city.  She is also a library assistant.  My buddy wondered if they might ask me to work Saturdays, or even Sundays.  Sundays are out, since I already work at San Marino those days.  But maybe I could get out of those hours, for the more lucrative Glendale hours.  However, it would push me WAY over my weekly limit of time.  So that's a no go.  This would also apply if I worked Saturdays.  I wouldn't even have a day off.  I can't see all this happening and fitting my schedule very well.  We'll see where the chips fall.

My buddy and I are always on the lookout for new food joints to try.  Since we were working and getting off at the same time, we figured we have some food and then booze.  We ended up going to a place called Fat Sal's in Hollywood.  It looked promising.  It wasn't.  My buddy had a burger, and I had a cheese steak.  My cheese steak was OK, but not out of this world.  His burger, and the fries we both ordered topped with cheese, were meh.  We concur, we won't be back.

After meh food we went back to my place for some drinking.  It was good times.  I'm trying to cut drinking down to once a week, at most.  I'm sure I won't last a day.  The world sucks, and I need to numb myself.

Sun Feb 22, Just work today.  Since I'm not showered since Friday I didn't want to talk to the library assistant and try to make a movie on her.  So I just went home to watch the Oscars.  I was supposed to go to TheGirl's to shower after work.  But she mentioned possibly going out to dinner with TheHusband.  I didn't want to intrude, so I told her that I was going over to my cousin's to shower.  But I just wanted to get home for the Oscars.

The Oscars were whatever.  Nothing stood out for me.  I didn't see any of the movies.  I like the fashion.  This year every guy seemed to wear tuxedos that were WAY too small.  Pretty much everyone looked bad.  The only one that I thought looked awesome was Jessica Chastain.  Lady Gaga looked good when she song a medley of songs from the Sound of Music.  Aside from that, no one really stood out on the plus side.  I commented that Michael Keaton looked like he was wearing his son's tux.

Mon Feb 23, Today was whatever.  The tile guy started today.  He says that he should be done by Friday.  It's such a long time coming.  I hope that these guys finish on time.  All this has fucking sucked.  At least this thing will be fixed.  Having to shower at my cousin's and TheGirl's really is jacked up.  I feel bad, but I can't take a shower here at home.  I don't like showering at night, but I have no choice.

Tue Feb 24, I could report on work and stuff, but man I'll just say it this way: I'm fucking sick and tired of the dumb questions I get EVERY FUCKING DAY.  I hate how people are.  I'm just fucking tired.  As I write this portion of this entry I'm at work, on the upstairs desk.  A nice lady came up and I gave her a computer to use.  I told her, number 11 to your left.  She goes right.  YOUR LEFT!  No one fucking listens.  No one thinks.  No one does anything.  It's just so frustrating.  I need to get laid.  It was nice to see Snow today.  She's attractive, and I find myself liking her more each day.  Of course, I still have to move, or all this is for not.

I was talking to someone about this, and then mentioned it to my buddy about how I started this year with the idea that I took a lot of punches in 2014, but that I had learned to take a punch.  2015 is getting a lot of good punches in this month.  I told myself that I would take it to 2015, and give it as good as I got it last year.  So far I can't say that plan has come to fruition.  I've been taken much more than I've given.  I think it's time to turn that around.  This month as been pretty miserable.

Wed Feb 25, I'm pretty tired of dealing with idiots at the library.  Both libraries.  But, what can I do?  I have to eat.  I really need a change and to deal with fewer patrons.  Time will tell, since this is a time of lots of changes.  What pisses me off is that no one seems to reach for an answer at all.  Everyone just wants it handed to them.  I hate that shit.  One of my students in class told me that she wasn't happy with my iPad class because she wasn't learning how to use it.  Ah, pardon me.  I have done nothing but show people how to use these damn devices.  This lady just isn't getting what she wants.  ARGH!  I can't do individual sessions with these people.  I have to teach to the class.  But as in life, the class is a bell jar of society.  I can't help those who are helpless.  Though that seems to be all I do.  Today after class I had to help a guy with a passport problem.  He spoke some English, so my coworkers on the desk just gave him for me to take care of.  I had to still run the reference desk while a half dozen people seemed to want my attention.  I still had to get this guy out of there.  It was just so stupid and frustrating to have to carry that whole load on my back.  I'm sick of being the responsible one.  It has to stop.

After today I really needed some booze.  I went over to TheGirl's and had a nice dinner.  No running into coworkers tonight.  Just food, and wine.  I had my fair share of whiskey as well.  TheGirl and I have good talks when we are drinking.  We still have a good time.  Though I do want to explore having a good time with someone like Snow.  Someone different.  Someone that I can have a relationship with.  It seems like a total dead-end proposition.  But stupid me still has to try.

Thu Feb 26, The route was rough today.  It wasn't because of the amount of books, just rough because I couldn't get any traction going.  I also had to make about ten extra stops delivering stupid packets of fliers, or bookmarks, or something stupid, to ten schools.  That adds so much stress to the route.  I find it hard to find parking spots at these schools, and as a matter of fact, I didn't deliver the last of the bundles.  I'll save it for tomorrow.  I somehow survived to drive another day.  I went to supper with So-so.  We talked about MicroManager supposedly being out for another month.  I say another decade would be good.  She mentioned how the office has not been so full of drama lately.  Duh, no MicroManager to fuck with everything.  Everything is still getting done, it's just not getting done at gunpoint.  When she comes back the good times will end.

I saw a contest entry ad in Westways yesterday.  I figured I would enter tonight.  I picked the above photo out of all my photos because I think it's a good photo.  But I really wanted to enter Life's Elegy, or failing that one the Neptune pool picture from Hearst's Castle.  But, the contest stated that the photo had to have been taken during a certain period of time.  Those two photos don't fall under that timeline.  The Morro bay one above does.  So it is my entry.  Wish me luck!

Fri Feb 27, Finally... a good day!  It's funny how something so simple, so easy, can make or break a day, week, so on.  More on that later.  First the day.  The route today was whatever.  I finished nearly an hour before end time.  I stopped at my last stopped and rested for a little while.  Then, at the right time I moved and went back to central.  I saw Snow, but she was more interested in shelving units than with me.  She was short, and that made me feel bad.  I like this woman.  I find her attractive, but I also find no spark there.  I don't see her look at me the way TheGirl used to, even before we started seeing each other.  In the flirt stages TheGirl and I had a spark.  I don't see that in Snow.  For my part there's a spark, but as I've said in the past, it's not a huge spark.  I'm more reserved.  I tend to not let myself get a huge crush on someone these days.  TheDesire was the one that REALLY taught me that.  I developed such a crush on her that it became impossible to not think of her.  It's a crush that to this day still has remnants.  I just see her as a friend, but one, like TheGirl, that I was interested in.  Anyway, the route ended.

TheDesire owed me money for some photos I printed for her.  She wanted to pay me today, so she took an early dinner at 3pm and invited me to get some food, followed by ice cream.  She paid me for my prints, and we chatted at dinner.  It was a quick affair, she had to return to the reference desk at 4pm.  I have to say, dinner with her was the best moment in the last... I was going to say in the last two weeks, but really it's the best moment since the Patriots won the Super Bowl at the start of this month.  I know that sounds silly, but it's true.  The month has sucked, but not this moment.  Not this short hour with TheDesire.  I guess she still has the power to make my day.

Sat Feb 28, My buddy and I decided a couple of weeks ago that today we would go to a place near work for a yummy breakfast burrito.  I met him at the garage at work and then went to get our burritos.  The joint is a hole in the wall, but they do make good burritos.  It's difficult to deal with that spot since it's just the hole in the wall and nothing else.  There are no seats outside.  It gets busy.  And the parking isn't easy.  We arrived so early that we found a spot right in front of the place.  The burrito hit the spot.  It was just the right combo of flavors.  Also, it wasn't too big, or too small.  It was just right.  After the eats I dropped my buddy off and took a nice long nap.  I didn't have to meet up with TheGirl to go see this bad movie until 1pm.  It was only 10am when my buddy went into work.  I slept for about two hours.  Oh man, I do love sleeping.

I woke up, went to pick up TheGirl, and the both of us went to the Arclight in Hollywood.  I picked that place because it has a bar, and they usually don't skimp on the vino.  We ordered some food, and drinks, and had at it.  My nachos were pretty good, and so was the popcorn chicken.  The booze was just right too.  Had me flying for nearly 3/4ths of the film.  The film itself was terrible.  But not even in a "let's make fun of it" sort of way.  It's just badly written, probably because of the source material.  Still, TheGirl and I had a good time.  Definitely have to see the next installment of this movie trilogy.  It totally sucked!