There isn't much I'll remember this month for, except how meh it was.  Here's what happened.

Mon, June 1, I don't have much to report from my morning job.  Just that I met one of the new clerks.  And my friend, Jenn, was called for a second interview.  Whew!  She best get that damn job.  I stuck my neck out for her.  She was getting desperate last week.  Saying that I guess she should look for another job, and just talking negatively.  This interview doesn't mean that she definitely has the job.  I think she does, but now I can never know for sure.  Today I helped my coworker Tina change a bunch of the CD shelves so that they are angled, as pictured above.

During job two came the real drama today.  That fucking new system just sucks dick.  I had to fight this new system at nearly every turn.  So many times the damn thing just made things so much harder than they needed to be.  Oh, I nearly forgot this little thing.  Junior was at Disneyland yesterday.  I think TheGirl and I just missed bumping into her when we were in front of the castle around 2pm.  I know what time it is because someone told us there would be a gathering of people that had dressed up for "bat day."  They were all going to be in front of the castle for a group photo, and Junior showed me some pictures that she took while that was going on.  TheGirl and I walked by there about fifteen minutes after 2pm.  If Junior had seen us I would not have heard the end of it today.  Just like if someone had seen TheDesire and me downtown I would have been bombarded by comments and questions.  Fucking idiots!

Tue, June 2, As per usual San Marino was no drama this morning.  But then Glendale hits and I'm glad that I have time to take a nap in between.  The Monday Tuesday driver was sick today, and they didn't call either of us to cover.  I know that I told them that since I'm working in the morning that I can't usually make it on Mondays and Tuesdays.  But my buddy also told them that he was going to school on those days.  Hence, them not calling either of us to cover the route today.  This is why the above picture has SO many bins.  My buddy Vagabundo will have to deal with tomorrow.  That's a lot of bins.  I'm sure he won't be able to take them all either.  I already told him that he should just take what he can and that I'll take care of the rest.

Wed, June 3, I didn't have computer class this week, but my pseudo supervisor told me that she wanted me to come in early to give me some marching orders.  But the funny thing is that despite arriving early she didn't really have any work for me to do.  She just told me what she wanted me to do.  It took ten minutes.  I didn't mind being paid to arrive earlier, but and of course I wouldn't want to be home anyway.  Still, it was kinda pointless for me to arrive so early.  I took my lunch and worked my regular shift, which was quiet.  The last couple of weeks the clerks have not pulled their weight in terms of the passports.  But today I felt I would leave them to their own devices.  I nearly got away with it, but I still had to help them with the mailing of the passports.  Hey, I have my own job to do on the reference desk, I don't have the time to then do the clerks job on top of mine.  When I was a clerk I never tried to burden any of my coworkers with my work.  Everyone needs to carry their own weight.

This week TheGirl said that instead of making dinner she would buy me dinner at her favorite restaurant.  She does to this restaurant every weekend, because they have good food and margaritas.  She's taken me here before, and the food is meh, but the margaritas are strong.  Sure enough, nothing has changed.  Service still kinda sucks, and the margaritas have punch.  When I asked her why she wanted to go out for dinner on her week she said she wanted to apologize for Sunday.  When I dropped her off at her place TheChisel was there care taking her dog.  Apparently he's back in town, looking for a place to live.  She's done with him, but he just doesn't get it.  What a dope.  Suffice to say I couldn't go in to her place.  She felt bad because until the moment I turned into her street she didn't say anything about TheChisel being her house guest.  I guess telling me, and subsequently seeing me leave without even going in weighed on her, and her guilt manifested itself with wanting to take me out to dinner.  I wish she would have picked a better joint though.  Ha!  Breaking up with me is still the biggest mistake she's made in the last five years.  She blew it.

Thu, June 4, My buddy did the best he could during his route yesterday, but the accumulation of so many books and boxes was something that he couldn't handle in the limited space of the van.  He did a great job chopping down what he could, and today was my turn.  But I also had the luxury of having two days to do it.  I started off by having MicroManager tell me that she had many special deliveries for me today and tomorrow.  On the agenda today was a bunch of boxes (as always) going to Snow's branch.  So I would get to see Snow again today.  She was there in the morning, and I talked to her a little.  She confirmed which boxes I would be taking later on the route.  I would have to finish the route, and then go to Grandview with the boxes.  Silly me forgot two bins that go to a shut-in at a local old folks home.  I usually deliver them during my regular route, but I forgot them in all the commotion of having to dump a bunch of donated books in the recycling bin that I forgot to place them in the van.  I went in the afternoon and then dropped off the twenty or so boxes at Grandview.  Snow was quite happy to get her boxes.  Nearly forgot to mention my lunch during the route.

My aunt made some mac and cheese the other day, and of course nothing else.  No fucking entree!  I put only mac and cheese in my little lunch container.  When it was lunch time I heated the mac and cheese and I have to say it was terrible.  I ate some of it, but couldn't stomach eating all of it.  I threw out about a quarter of what I placed in the container.  It was so bad I'm not going to eat it at all.  Tomorrow I would rather have rocks for lunch, not that horrible mac and cheese.

I wanted to treat myself to a good dinner tonight considering how hard I worked the route today.  But then I also had to be home by a certain time to meet up with my cousin, who had to print out her boarding passes for her trip tomorrow night.  I didn't know where to eat, so I went to the Fuddruckers next to my house.  The burgers there are OK, nothing to write about.  Their gimmick is that they let you put as much lettuce, tomatoes, onions that you want.  Whatever.  There were two employees at the counter, neither of them very friendly.  My buddy and I would categorize them as Surly Duffs, to borrow a phrase from the Simpsons.  Shortly after starting to eat I noticed that a group of people came in.  The employees seemed to know them.  I figure those are the regulars.  Seemed funny that someone would pick this place to be a regular dinning place.  But, I guess I've done the same in the past.  And by that I mean picked a place that was so-so to regularly eat.  One nice thing about my dinner was the view.  The above picture shows the butt of one of the other customers.  She sat with only her right butt cheek on the chair, the entire time.  I wondered why, not that I minded.  Something like that is just nice.

Fri, June 5, As I write this the shit hit the fan.  My uncle and cousin were going to go to Mexico tonight.  I printed out their boarding passes last night, and they were all packed.  I just got off the phone with my cousin and she said that the tickets were for a flight last night.  See, the flight was at 12:15am June 5th.  Well, it's June 5th, but obviously when it turns midnight tonight it will turn into June 6th.  So, they lost those tickets, my uncle had to pay for tickets for a flight tomorrow night.  Fucking sucks.  I feel bad because I should have noticed that the tickets were for June 5th.  As it is, they are coming back to my place, likely to strange me.  Then they're going to go home, rest, and do this all over again tomorrow night.  Fuck!  Fucking sucks.

Work was long today.  As yesterday, today I had a "special" delivery.  Today's special delivery was a trio of planters resting in the library's dock area, ready to be moved back to where they belong at the Brand library.  They were big, but they didn't weight that much.  Before that I had to do my route.  Which wasn't that bad.  Oh, and I forgot that I also had to get bottled water.  That certainly made for long day, but I didn't kill myself over it.  It was a lot of work, so I paced myself from the start.

Just after I had the van filled with books, and I was about to go on my route, a blast from the past came back into my life.  I'm not sure what nickname to give her, so I'll just describe her as the girl I made out with three years ago.  We had gone out drinking, and I was freshly broken up from TheGirl, and she was freshly broken up from her fella when we hung out.  She kissed me, we made a little, and then she bolted out of my car.  We didn't speak much after that.  Today she was manifested.  I say that because my coworker, So-so, was mentioning her the other day and here she was in the flesh.  She moves fast.  She invited me to go to a Latin American art museum in Long Beach.  Since I have plans tomorrow, and next Saturday, I told her how about the 27th.  She said yes, and we parted.  I'm pretty sure some good things might happen that day.  Maybe something that we both need, if I don't fuck it up.  Like I tend to ALWAYS fuck this stuff up with women.  I'm kinda tired of always fucking things up with women.  I kinda got it right with TheGirl, but not really.  Her apologizing the other night because I couldn't go into her place because TheChisel was there, just reminded me that I will always have that scarlet letter on my chest when it comes to TheGirl.  She was the best thing that's happened in my life and I can't go very far from knowing that it all started as an affair, and that I'm a home wrecker.  I'll never lose that.  I can't ever go anywhere without that tainting everything.  I'm not saying I don't deserve it.  I'm just saying that it's a brand that will stick forever.

I got off on something else there.  I went about my route, which was pretty much a standard route.  When I arrived at Grandview, Snow had a trio of pizzas ready.  Growing up Pizza Hut wasn't the best pizza, but it was passable.  The pizza I had was just meh.  I'm not going to complain too much, since it was a nice supplement to my small lunch.  There wasn't that much to eat at home, so I just put a little food in my lunch today.  Also, I want to lose some weight.  I figure not eating like a fiend is a good idea.  Snow was hyped up on soda, so said Shay.  Snow was super cherry.  I wonder if she would have said yes to my asking her about going out.  Probably not.  Still, I ate pizza.  I finished my route, took the planters over to Brand and was done.  The other day I had asked my coworker from Brand if she wanted to meet up for some collaborative talks about an art project.  Really the project is to get into her pants.  She told me she was house sitting in Woodland hills, and said that I could come over so we could talk.  This afternoon, just as I was at Brand the first time she texts me to say that she's on the rag.  No meeting, no nothing, because she wasn't feeling well.  Typical.  We're going to try and meet up next Thursday or Friday.

After work was done, and I was on my way out the door, I spotted TheDesire next to the circulation desk.  I hung around a little.  I'm in love with that girl.  I saw her earlier in the day, walking East on Harvard.  I texted her and she told me that she was on her way to pick up her car, which was being serviced at the car dealer down the street from the library.  I so think she's cute, and adorable.  I got her to pose for the partial face from a book picture.  I couldn't find another cover with a better half face.  She's WAY better looking than Nixon.  I love her butt, as witnessed from the growing collection of pictures of said butt.  I just like her a lot.  No need to repeat myself, but it goes that I thought that perhaps TheDesire would make up for my misdeeds surrounding TheGirl.  I was going to do right by TheDesire, but I never had a real chance with her.  I need to kiss her before I die.

Traffic going home was a bear.  I decided to get off the freeway and go through Griffith park.  I drove by Forest Lawn, where my Grandmother is buried, so I decided to go.  I can't remember the last time I visited her.  I went back to some of my old entries and sure enough, I the last time I visited her was when it was the tenth anniversary of her passing, back in January.  Wow, ten years.  Doesn't seem at all possible.  I took Chan with me to see my Grandma.  Despite having monkey with me, the visit was more somber than most of my visits.  I don't usually cry now, but tonight I did.  Maybe it was monkey's fault.  I think I've just had a tough week.  I think that I just wish certain things would come to fruition.  Yeah, but somehow the Universe would grant me time with TheDesire, and then I'd fuck it up in some way and I would only have a memory afterward.

Sat, June 6, I woke up late, which was good.  I had that meeting with MontereyGirl tonight.  It went well.  She and I drank and talked.  We went to one place, then another bar and then another at CityWalk.  We ate some nachos, and then made out.  Yes, we made out.  She was so sauced that she actually let me make out with her.  Haven't made out with anyone in a while.  It was nice.

So that's the quick and dirty version, now some details.  I met her up at CityWalk.  She and I went to some cowboy bullshit bar at the end of the stores.  It's not my kind of spot, but at least the bartender didn't skimp on the booze when making our drinks.  We drank, ate some nachos from a HUGE plate full of chips.  We drank some more, talked about what we've been up to in the last six years.  I calculated that it's been longer since we have talked or hung out, but she insisted it had only been six years.  And I'm not one to argue.  We had a shot of vodka and then walked around the stores.  We strolled, talked some more, and then ended up at another bar where they had a dueling piano set-up.  Two Manhattans later and MontereyGirl was sauced beyond belief.  She marveled that I could now hold my liquor.  She said I had changed so much.  I told her about Cindy, and touched upon TheDesire.  She told me what a bunch of people have been saying to me lately... just fucking kiss TheDesire already.  I kinda took their advice when I finally started kissing MontereyGirl.  Now if I could just find that courage when I'm sober and with TheDesire.  In regards to TheDesire, MontereyGirl said that I should do a web search for information on how to seduce a woman.  I think that women like me enough, but I shoot myself in the foot all the time.  It's funny that Olga has come into my life before, because she represented someone that could potentially be a fuck-buddy.  But I blew that opportunity, in spades.  I have a knack for getting myself in a good situation with women, but then I don't make the move, or I make the wrong move, and suddenly I'm forever in the friend's zone.

After our little making out session MontereyGirl told me she was leaving.  I walked her to the shuttle that would take her down the hill.  She took the metro to CityWalk, probably because she's not driving.  She didn't say that, but I surmised.  I was not sober enough to drive, and I was actually getting hungry again.  The foodcourt was on my way to the car anyway, so I walked over to Pink's and found it was still open.  There were getting ready to close, but I was just in time to place an order.

The dog really hit the spot.  I mean really fucking great.  I finished up my dog, walked back to the car and still found myself not ready to drive.  I was in no hurry.  I was safe in my car, so I listed to more of my audio book and kinda just chilled.  I started texting a coworker nicknamed Emma.  It was getting to be nearly 1am, so I got the car in gear and drove home.  The dummies on the road need some lessons on how to drive.  I got home, and still remained away until nearly 3am.  I was going to jerk-off, but I actually just passed out in my chair.  I woke up a few minutes later and I decided that I best just go to bed.

Overall the meeting with MontereyGirl went well.  Obviously making out with her was not the goal, but I'm glad I went for it.  There is a wind of change in the air.  After having had a stagnant love life since TheGirl broke up with me a few years back, I now stand in front of a potential good time.  If, that is, I don't fuck it all up like I usually do.

Sun, June 7, Work was pretty standard.  I was on the desk by myself nearly the entire shift, because T was doing a training session for SRP.  I've been on desk by myself before, and it's cool.  Today wasn't busy, so I didn't have to worry too much about getting swamped.  I told my buddy the story about last night with MontereyGirl.  Speaking of, we exchanged text messages and she said she didn't remember much from last night.  I told my buddy that that is her way of "erasing" the fact that we made out.  Hey, I'm OK with that.  If she wants to play the forgetful game that's fine by me.  Also, speaking of my buddy, we usually talk about work and have a good laugh about it.  The last couple of times he's gotten really annoyed and just quiets down.  I was just talking to him on the phone and he became so quiet that I thought he had hung up.  He's frustrated by what goes on there.  I'm certainly not immune to what happens at work, but at the same time I tend to not worry about it.  Mainly because I just don't give a fuck.  In other words, he's taking this stuff harder than I thought he was, and it's coming out with him becoming silent when we talk about work.  Maybe we shouldn't talk about work as much.  I might just change the subject more often.

I thought about going to dinner at Disneyland tonight.  But it was warm today and I was tired.  I just wanted to go home.  Even though I know that there isn't anything to eat at home.  Sure enough, I come home and there's nothing for me to eat.  Good thing I bought a burger before coming home.  I parked my car up the street and wolfed it down where.  I then came home.  My aunt told me she had some leftover Mongolian thing.  I looked at it, but it didn't appeal to me.  I also ordered an apple pie with my burger, that I didn't eat until just a few minutes ago.  My aunt asks me what I want to eat, and I seriously don't know.  I'm tired of food.  I'm in a cycle where nothing I eat has any taste.  I need to find something good to eat, but that's also yummy.  The burger tonight hit the spot, but only because I was hungry.  I didn't even slow down to enjoy it.  I needed my belly filled, so I stuffed it with a burger.  Like right now there's still a ton of mac and cheese in the fridge, but it tastes horrible.  It's insipid, and I refuse to eat it.

Mon, June 8, Today was the first day of SRP at the library, and the circulation manager didn't schedule anyone on the desk that was experienced.  So the poor new clerks had to fend for themselves.  That is, until I showed up and helped them through the first few hours of the shift.  It was nuts.  People just kept on coming.  It felt relentless until it wasn't.  My coworkers were glad I was there, they told me.  I'm capable, so why not help them.  The only thing I ditched was the passports, but thankfully my other coworker, who was scheduled as a page at that time, stepped in and helped with that.  I'm not sure why the circulation manager didn't have anyone that was experienced on the desk.  So frustrating.

At job two I spent my entire shift, not counting my break, on the upstairs desk.  I suppose it's a good thing.  There are perils to working upstairs too long.  Thankfully tonight none of the dummies showed up.  Still, I was tired, mentally tired, by the end of the night.  I usually talk to my buddy Dane after work, but because he didn't see me on the desk I think he thought that I wasn't at work.  Oh well, I thought, I'll just go to TheGirl's a little earlier.  And I did.  The other day I caught a glimpse of one of her neighbors that live in the same "complex" of mini-apartments made out of one big house.  She looked fucking nice!  Great body.  I'd like to get to know her better, but that old saying about shitting where you eat.  Yeah, that would be in spades here.  Still, must talk to her some day.  The visit with TheGirl was chill, as usual.

On a side note, I've noticed a distinct change in my buddy Vagabundo's tone with me lately.  The other day he voiced some frustration with me that I've never heard in his voice.  This happens to me all the time.  People get tired of me.  Nearly every friend I've had has "taken a break" from me at some point in the friendship.  I guess I'm just too much sometimes.  I know he feels frustration about the job, and not having that second stream of income.  But still.  The tone of his voice was different enough to not just be from that.  What can I do to change this?  Nothing.  Maybe text his less.  I'll play it by ear.  For now I'll just say that there was a point last night when we were on the phone that he said to me, as I was talking, "Oh, you're talking over me now."  I didn't mean to, but I was.  Then at the end of our conversation he became really quiet.  To the point that I was just saying anything in order to not have his silence crush me.  I thought he had hung up.  I told him it was getting late and we ended the call.  That's now happened twice in the last week.  So I don't know what to do.  Something is bothering him, and it's being manifested in these little but telling actions.

Tue, June 9, The front desk was much less hectic today, so they didn't really need me to help them.  Also, there was an experienced clerk that opened up today.  I was busy with other things today.  I had actual work today.  Not much work, but still.  Also, I was nursing the remnants of a horrible stabbing pain that I got this morning just as I was getting out of bed.  When I woke up this morning everything was cool.  Then I get up and I get this horrible stabbing pain in my back.  I've gotten it before.  I think the last time was two weeks ago.  And there are times when I lay down that the pain seems to want to start.  It's a cramp, a horrible cramp.  But it really put me down for the day.  I felt so bad that I thought it might be a gall stone, or stones.  As I think about it that back cramp is there when I stretch too much.  Anyway, when the pain started it was so bad that I didn't get out of bed for ten minutes.  Then I was able to walk to the fridge and get some ice.  Then I finally felt better, but not completely gone.  As I write this right now I feel good, but it took nearly the entire day for the pain to completely subside.

Not much to report from job two.  Just that TheDesire came in to circulation and asked me to check something in.  I was all smiles.  Someone on the radio was talking about love, and how you know you're in love when someone comes in the room and they delight you.  That's definitely TheDesire for me.  I sent her a text saying, "Thank you for making my day."  She responded with a, "Oh shut up :)" I do like her so much.  I dare say I'm in love.  Of course I dare say it, it's nothing new.  I've loved her for a long time.

I usually have dinner with Dane on Tuesday nights, but tonight my buddy O wanted to come by and have so dinner.  He loves Tommy's, especially since they don't have Tommy's in San Diego.  Tonight we talked about how we're still bachelors, at our age.  At least I've had a relationship, he said to me tonight.  His longest relationships have been no more than a couple of months.  He proposed that if we reach the age of 60 and we're still single that we should go to Thailand or Vietnam and get laid.  Ha!  I told him I was game, but really sex is not all I'm looking for.  And I know that's not all he's looking for as well.  Not going to lie, I would LOVE to sleep with TheDesire.  I want it whether it's in loving monogamous relationship, or in a fuck-buddy situation.  All the same to me.  But I'm also in love with her, and as such I want to spend my time with her.  I want to not just make love to her, but have a mutual love that is shared.  I want, what I always say I want, a partner through this journey.  I guess it's something that's too much to ask for my buddy O and me.

Wed, June 10, I had my computer class today, which went well.  I only had four students, but that was fine.  They were good students.  After the class my contact with the recreation department, a nice young lady with a streak of white in her hair, came by to have me print out something on the big printer.  She's cute, but she used to be cuter when she had some more weight on her.  Recently she lost a lot of weight, and while she still looks good, she might have kinda overdone it on the weight loss.  Still.  Anyway, she was talking to me about possibly continuing the class, but perhaps in a different form.  I'm game for that, actually.  Especially when she said that perhaps we just have it once a month, instead of how it is now.  I wouldn't mind that either.  She gave me food for thought.  She also made me want to ask her out for lunch.

My desk shift today was pretty chill, even for a Wednesday.  Since the kids are out of school I don't get questions related to assignments.  Now I get requests for fun books.  That is when I do get a request.  My friend Jenn told me it's official, they're not hiring her for the page job.  I don't fucking understand why they didn't hire her.  The circulation manager set her up for a fall too.  He asked her about her scheduling, as if he needed to know in order to schedule her for work.  But then the boss told her that she was sorry, they weren't hiring her.  My friend is devastated.  I felt horrible that she didn't get the job.  She seemed a shoe in for this job.  She told me that she would never return to the library again.  That's bad.  We're going to have lunch next week, but she won't come to the library.  I can't blame her.  I'll have to remind myself to tell her that this job also burned me several times, with the promise of advancement.  Only to pass me over.

TheGirl liked the last time I went to a certain chicken place so much that she told me she wanted me to pick up the same as last time.  Then again, it could be that she feels that she doesn't want to impose too much, and because of that tells me that this chicken place is good enough.  But, the chicken place does have fucking good food.  Anyway, there goes that theory.  I sped after work to the chicken place, and as TheGirl took her dog on a walk I ordered, took the food to her place, and set up her table for dinner.  I like drinking whiskey on my visits to TheGirl on Wednesday.  Sometimes I over do it, and I sit in my car outside her house while I sober up.  I time it out so that about seventeen minutes after I get in the car I text her that I'm home, even though I'm still outside her place.  I don't want her to worry about me.  She needs her sleep, and I don't mind lying to her about where I am.  Did I mention I'm a good liar?  But only because there are times when the truth isn't good.  A lie is sometimes, rarely, better than the truth.  It saves some people from pain.  TheGirl and I made tentative plans to go to Disneyland on Father's day.  Well, not the whole day, she has to have some bullshit BBQ with her husband.  I like how it's been nearly five years since our affair, and she STILL hasn't gotten divorced from this guy.  She will probably never divorce TheHusband.  Do you think I mind?  Ha!  No.  TheGirl is just my friend.  Know how you can tell I'm telling the truth?  Because as I write this I'm nice and tanked on booze.  My nightcap was so good that I decided I needed to finish this entry.  So Father's day morning she's willing to meet me at Disneyland in the early morning to have breakfast.  I do love breakfast at Disneyland.  Sunday might be the best day for that, since most people don't want to wake up early on a Sunday.  I'll wake up early any day if I'm going to Disneyland.  She said she'd let me know by Friday if we are on for breakfast at Disneyland.

Thu, June 11, Today I had an extra special pick-up and delivery.  I think the farthest I've had to drive on my route is to the Burbank airport.  I looked up the distance from the library, and the airport is about ten miles away.  Today's destination was in the mid-Wilshire district, making the drive twenty miles.  It took me nearly an hour to navigate through the streets of Los Angeles in order to get to the architect's office, where I was to pick up some boxes.  Maps made me go through the heart of the city, this vast area that I sometimes forget exists.  The light rain made the trip even more interesting.  Still, I made it there and back safely.  That did push back the actual route time by an hour, since I started at 8am.

TheGirl and I were talking about having breakfast at Disneyland some Sunday before I have to go to work.  She told me she wanted to go Father's day Sunday, but that first she had to check with the family about the timing.  Today she got back to me and said it would be fine.  She can make it.  Now I have to make a reservation and assure us a spot as the park opens.  We should still have some time to get on a couple of rides.  But then, I have to go to work.

The route itself wasn't anything special.  Just the same old thing, moved back an hour later than usual.  I have to say, I am really attracted to Armenian women.  Their dark hair and some of their features make them look Latina.  Not completely, but if my coworkers are an example of them as a people, then they have some pretty women in their ethnicity.  I love TheDesire's look.  She's exceptionally pretty though.  Ru has the most magnificent butt.  TreasuryGirl is a goddess.  The various pages that I encounter are cute but also alluring.  One, at my last stop, is adorable, but she also has a kicking body.

Today was supposed to be my long day, but my coworker wanted to trade days.  Well, that's what I was told.  But then she forgot to go into work, and my boss was texting me to ask if I was going to show up to work.  I told them that I had switched.  I'm not sure what happened, but the boss said that she was going to call her.  My coworker wanted to switch because she has an interview next week.  Oh well, not my fault she forgot that she switched with me.

Misa and I had dinner tonight after my route.  During dinner she wanted to tell me a bunch of "Cheese."  In Spanish chisme mean gossip.  So "Cheese" mean she has gossip to tell me.  The other night MicroManager was being extra bitchy.  She told me to sit at the check-in desk and not move.  Apparently MicroManager told another one of our coworkers that I'm smart but lazy.  I have to say that life has taught me not to give 100% on anything other than what's important to you.  When I was growing up my mother would come come from a horrible job and tell my Grandmother and Aunt about the fucking prick she worked with that she would find taking naps while on the clock.  Meanwhile, she was held to a higher standard because she did her work without complaint, and worked like a fucking slave.  But was she EVER given her due?  NO!  Fuck NO!  This fucking Universe spat in her face every day she was alive by having her deal with idiot coworkers that didn't do their job but were praised by even more idiotic supervisors that couldn't see their hand in front of their face, because they were too busy trying to kiss each other's asses.  My mother once told me that she found her coworker sleeping on the job.  Meanwhile, she said, dummy her was working her ass off to complete her work.  Did she rat out her fucking coworker?  No.  Should she have?  Yes.  But life has taught me that it's no use saying anything.  Supervisors are a fucking bunch of collective idiots.  No better than that dummy that was sleeping on the job.  They don't want to do any more work than is necessary either.  But it's the likes of my mother, my buddy, and myself that get the fucking job done.  That keep the fucking place from falling apart.  But are our efforts noted?  Never.  This, this is why I don't ever give any job 100%.  EVER.  No job will ever appreciate me.  No job will ever appreciate the little things I do.  So let MicroManager say that I'm lazy.  You know what?  I could fucking run circles around all over them combined, with one hand tied behind my back.  But there is NO WAY that I'm going to EVER give that much of an effort to these idiots.  Know why she thinks I'm lazy?  Because I just go in and do my job.  I just go in and don't bitch about anything.  I go in and do my job at 70%, and that 70% is 200% better than anyone else's effort there.  Because a person has to have a personal code of conduct.  And I live by that personal code.  I saw my mother struggle so much throughout my youth.  No way I'm going to let those lessons not be learned.  I learned them.  The only thing I give 100% effort on is my photography.  Aside from that, everything else can cram it.  So let MicroManager think what she wants.  Yeah, I'm "lazy," just like those other idiots I work with.  Their 100% effort isn't 1/10th my best effort.  My mother suffered during her life.  I can't let those lessons, and that suffering go to waste.

Fri, June 12, Thankfully today was uneventful at work.  I did the route, quickly.  I had enough time at the end of my route to take a forty minute nap at my last stop.  I do have something to report on that has nothing to do with my route.  My buddy Dane's stuff was stolen last night.  All his games, his computer, all gone.  Someone came around where he sleeps at night and took it.  He didn't hear them, or anything.  So, today he was at the library just reading books.  Those few electronic devices he had weren't much, but they were all he had.  They represented to him a way to keep in touch with the world, and also to escape it.  I want to buy him a really inexpensive tablet to replace his computer.  I'm not sure if that's a good idea though, what with people able to steal his things.  What if the tablet makes him a target for people?  Damn.  He's a good guy, and was there during some rough times for me.  I'd like to get him something to help him.  Certainly I wish I could help him no longer be homeless.  THAT is more important than anything.  Still, a little tablet like the one I saw online would be good for him.  It would give him back some of the fun he needs, and has gotten used to online.  He needs a distraction from this horrible world.

Sat, June 13, I usually don't work on Saturdays at Glendale, but they were short and the supervisor asked me to come in.  My buddy and I thought it was a good opportunity to hang out after work as well.  We both worked entire shifts, which was good for our timing.  It meant one of us wouldn't have to wait for the other.  Of course it potentially meant we might work with each other on the desk at some point.  Nope!  MicroManager didn't schedule us on the desk at the same time.  Not even close.  Not that it mattered, but it just something I'm pointing out.

Work itself was fine.  I was sent to lunch shortly after arriving, only three hours into my shift.  Then I had a five hour stretch, with three of those hours on the upstairs desk.  That fact made the last half of the shift go quickly.  If I had been on the circulation desk for that long I would have died.

Finally being free of work my buddy and I went down to Hollywood for some Pink's hot dogs.  He had never been, and I was craving some after eating one other night, the night I hung out with MontereyGirl.  This time I doubled down and ordered a bacon burrito dog, which has two links and lots of chili.  My buddy went for the traditional chili dog.  A German couple was in line and they asked me what was good.  I pointed them in the direction of a chili dog.  I forget what they actually ordered.

We ate and ran back to my place, where my buddy and I had a nice amount of booze.  We haven't talked much lately, not since I noticed he was acting kinda strange.  I figured it was a good idea to lay back on the throttle.  Familiarity can breed contempt.  Also, he's having a rough time of it at work, and that's contributing to some stress.  Still, we had a good time drinking.

Sun, June 14, Today was pretty uneventful at work.  There was a musical group that came in, but I just set them up and let them roll.  They had a good turnout, at least.  I pretty much left them alone.  They knew what they were doing, so I just went back to the desk after setting everything up for them.  In short, I just let them be.

Before work I went over to Jenn's to pick up some food.  She made some enchiladas and she wanted to give me a couple.  Not one to turn down free food, I went.  I got to see where she lives.  She's taking the not getting the job at the library better now.  She is still bitter, but that's understandable.  She told me she would never set foot in there again.  I just smiled and agreed, What they did was wrong..  They made it sound like it was her job.  Done deal.  But of course she doesn't get THAT job, and they hint that she might be hired as a page, only to string her along and not hire her.  It was fucking shady.

TheGirl and I talked about having breakfast Sunday morning at Disneyland.  Today I made the reservation.  We are all set for next week.  Woo!  Now I just have to wake up early.  Should be fun.  Today I thought of going to the park after work, but I was tired.

Mon, June 15, This morning was another crazy morning at San Marino job, for the same reasons why last week was hectic.  A lot of checkouts as well as passports to be processed, and new people that don't know how to do both just yet.  We managed to fend off the hoard of people.  The boss remarked that I was "valuable" and that they needed to somehow make me a fulltimer.  Ah, fuck yeah you need to make me a fulltimer.  I'd bend over backward for this place if I was a fulltime employee.

I'd even take a fulltime job at job two, just to be around TheDesire.  She wasn't there today though.  Today is her day off.  No MicroManager made it almost seem like a good job.  There's still talk of this crazy renovation starting in late July, but little details as to what that means for everyone's schedule.  Most importantly, my schedule. 

My buddy Dane had his stuff stolen last week.  I felt bad about how he doesn't have anything to entertain himself with at the library.  So I bought him a really inexpensive tablet over the weekend.  Today I gave it to him.  It was like Christmas.  I'm happy to spend a few of my hard earned dollars on a good friend like Dane.  He helped me through some rough patches when I first started at Glendale.  Hell, he still does.  Talking to him helps me work out some stuff from the bullshit I have to deal with every day at that job.  I was happy to see him happy.  I only wish I had the dimes to get him a better tablet.

I'm not sure why I was compelled to go on Tinder tonight.  I wasn't drinking.  Maybe just feeling lonely.  I looked through some nice photos of girls.  The one above is yet another one of those seemingly wonderful girls that are alone in this vast city.  Just like I'm alone.  And yet, here we "meet" online, but me finding her is contingent upon her swiping right as I did.  I have her Instagram information, so I could contact her directly.  But I don't want to us Instagram as some sort of social lubricant.  Then again, others have to their success.  There's a lot of potential right now in the air.  What with MontereyGirl in the picture again, as well as a few others that have returned into the picture.  Somehow I'll fuck it all up, however.  That's just the way things are with me.

Tue, June 16, Once again, another hectic morning at San Marino.  One of the new clerks came in to work today.  She seems nice.  Has nice legs.  She wore stockings, with that seam in the back, like the old stockings.  Hate to say it, it wasn't unappealing.  Of course, as I say that I know you know me to be a pussy hound.  I don't get any pussy, but I'm still sniffing it out.  I don't find that many women unappealing.  I mean of course the total slobs I don't like.  But if a girl is nice and is well put together I'm good.  Hmm, I know how that's going to read years from now.  Oh well.

I took Chan into work today.  All my coworkers must think I'm crazy.  I don't care.  Chan is special to me, and I want everyone that's important to me to know what that monkey means to me.  I took hims into the lunch room today and of course a couple of my coworkers screamed that Chan was "SO cute!"

Job two was quite absurd tonight.  MicroManager assigned pulling the hold books for my second hour.  I haven't done that since the changeover to the new system, so I went to ask her how to do it.  In what I can only describe as a Tasmanian devil whirlwind MicroManager flew around circulation flaying her arms around saying that I don't have to do that, and that she wanted me to check-in books.  I have no idea why she had to fly around like that, but it was comical.  I told my buddy and Dane how the situation at the library has gone from bad to worse to now doing a 180 and becoming comical.  Pretty sure it will go into the realm of the totally absurd in a short time.

I haven't seen TheDesire in a while, at work even.  Today I saw her for a brief moment and it made my day.  I love her smile.  I tells ya, that smile MEANS something.  I wish she would open the door slightly for me to try again with her.  She's all that I want right now.  All the other women that I think about are just the ones I consider since TheDesire won't have me.  She's my first choice.  And my second, third and forth choice.  I don't want to say that I'm in love with her, but that's exactly how I feel.  Like I'm in love with her.  Fuck my life.  I have absolutely zero chance of breaking down that ethnic wall, sort of everyone in her family dropping dead.  Even then.

Wed, June 17, Work was work, as per usual.  It's summer, so it's quieter than normal.  I like it.  I can slack off a lot more these days.  Though, I do have assignments that I have to finish soon.

Dinner consisted of an old favorite, mac and cheese with chicken from Trader Joe's, along with salad.  And of course some booze from my flask.  Nothing new was added to TheGirl and I's combined history.  We mostly spoke about TheGirl's son going up to the fire a few days ago, and how that was his first assignment.  We talked about this weekend's plans to go to Disneyland.  Timing and such.  I honestly can't remember anything that was life changing.  Of course I can't talk to her about TheDesire.

TheGirl didn't drink tonight at dinner because she wants to lose some weight, and because on the weekends, when she's hanging out with TheChisel or TheHusband, she drinks like a fish.  I still drank, but I didn't go nuts.  Like I was saying, after dinner she wanted to go out to the pet store and get some dog food, which she was running low on.  She drove us to the store, where we looked around, and then she bought the food.  On our way back to her place we stopped off for some ice cream.  It was yummy.  I was sobering up, and was nearly sober by the time we returned to her place.  It's funny how domestic we still are at times.

Thu, June 18, The route isn't much to write about.  These days that seems to be normal.  One thing that did happen on the route today is that I went into treasury with a photo that I had intended to give Snow for her birthday.  Fuck Snow.  She doesn't deserve it.  Instead I gave it to treasury, but by association I was giving it to TreasuryGirl.  I wanted her to love it, and of course by association love me.  Her body is quite incredible.  Seeing her naked might be as close to heaven as I will ever get.  I know I'm in love with TheDesire, but TreasuryGirl has a crazy body.  The above photo is the one I gave treasury department.

After the route I went to supper with So-so.  She was more engaged with her phone, and with a story about one of our coworkers.  We went to a local burger joint.  The burger was OK.  The service was typical of these sort of places that are mediocre.. surly.  A great place is great not only because of the food, but because of service.  Anyway, So-so told me a story about our coworker.  Whatever.  At this point there's nothing that can be done with this particular coworker.

After supper I drove to job two.  I was dead tired, but thankfully Thursday evenings are completely dead.  I'm not sure why any library is open so late, but whatever.  They sent me to the children's desk, which is almost always death.  Let alone on a random Thursday night.  But at least H was at work.  H was such a cute girl when I first met her nearly a decade ago.  She's had a nice time of it of late, as witnessed by her double chin.  She's still a pretty girl, and in a couple of years she's going to look like she did a couple of years back.  But right now she's happy, and happiness begets a big belly.  I have it too.  Everyone I know has it.  I guess that's a good thing.  We made tentative plans for the future.  We want to go to Disneyland.  We probably can't make it this weekend, but perhaps next.

Fri, June 19, The route today isn't much to talk about.  It was standard stuff except that at the end I had to make the special delivery of those damn musical instruments.  The instruments used to be something special when they were associated with TheDesire, but now she has nothing to do with them.  This is because when she was promoted to Teen librarian the instruments went off her list of responsibilities.  Today was hot, and I had zero energy throughout the entire route.  Having to do the instruments on top of it all just made things that much worse.

At treasury today they showed me that they posted my photo, but now they said they needed a matching photo.  I have to think of which one to give them.

I didn't get to talk to TheDesire today.  I saw her this afternoon when I took up a delivery to administration.  She looked really cute.  She always does.  I later sent her a text.  The above is the short exchange I had with her.  I really want to get her to go with me to Santa Barbara, but I doubt it will happen.

I'm so very tired of trying and not getting anywhere.  With everything, not just TheDesire and all these women I write about here on this journal.  The frustration is also with being stagnant at work, and life.  I think about how the thing with MontereyGirl went nowhere.  I kissed her, something that I think she wanted me to do a decade ago.  Nothing ever goes anywhere in my life.  Certainly that's my own fault.  I saw Snow today, and I didn't even want to deal with her.  I can't sit here and write that I don't want to get to know her better.  I can't say that I don't want her to be my everything, how I want her to replace every other woman in my life.  I want her to replace everyone and be that special woman that I think about in my last moments on Earth.  I guess it's just not meant to be.

Sat, June 20, I woke up at 7am today.  I used the bathroom and went back to bed, and didn't wake up until just a little past 11am.  No way I was going to not sleep in today.  I just wanted to sleep all day.  My aunt made me breakfast, after which I was nearly passed out.  I watched some TV, took a shower, and basically tried to do as little as possible since it was so hot.  My aunt later made me hot dogs for lunch.  Once again, I nearly passed out.  I then ended up passing out.  I think it was about half hour later that I woke up.  I talked to my buddy while he drove home.  We talked about the horrible state of our mutual job.  It's our favorite hobby.  I wish I had more of these "do nothing" days.

I was looking through some photos and found a few that I took four years ago of TheDesire.  I sent her a text to a photo I took of a flower outside of the city hall complex.  She responded by saying she liked it, and by saying that she was going to buy some frames for the photos she bought from me several months ago (pictured above).  I don't know what I can do to win this girl over.  Right now, as I wrote last night, I feel that nothing is going my way.  Everything seems to be in this huge rut.  I want to make things happen, but every time I try I get a door slamming in my face.  I can't get any traction.  If anything, I lose my footing.  It's horrible.

Sun, June 21, A couple of weeks ago TheGirl suggested we go down to downtown Disney on a Saturday.  I always feel that going to downtown Disney is a bit of a waste without going to the park as well.  But since she can't to into the park on Saturdays, there we are.  From that came the idea that perhaps we could go to Disneyland early in the morning and have breakfast.  Since her pass is about to be blocked out after next Monday, we would have to go today or next Sunday.  I woke up early, drove to TheGirl's, and then she drove us to Disneyland.  We arrived just in time for our reservation.  We were seated and we ordered.  I wanted the chicken fried steak with eggs, plus a Mickey waffle that TheGirl and I split.  She ordered eggs Benedict.  After breakfast we only had about an hour and a half to get on some rides.  We went to the Haunted Mansion and Jungle Cruise.  After going on those rides we didn't have much time.  We went to the board and found an attraction that had a short wait.

We ended up going to Toontown and before we had to leave the park we took a couple of pictures with Pluto.  In the above picture Pluto is pushing me away.  Nice!  We left the park and drove back to TheGirl's place.

Just before arriving at TheGirl's she asked if I wanted to come inside her place.  I was cutting the time close, so I didn't have any intention of going in.  But certainly not after TheGirl told me that TheChisel was at her place.  He's been staying there on weekends, so she said.  I told her it wasn't my place to say anything, and that I barely had time to get to work.  Which I did.

I barely made it to work on time.  The shift wasn't very difficult.  I think most people stayed away today because it was Father's day.  I was glad to have them stay away.  This coming week is going to be a long one.  There's the usual long Monday and Tuesday, followed by a long Thursday, and then I'm working Friday and Saturday.  My next day off is July 3rd.  It's not a long work marathon, but twelve days in a row at this point feel like a lot.

Today happened to be Father's day.  My father died back in 2007, just over seven years ago now.  I don't visit his grave.  I haven't since he passed.  It's a hundred miles North, in a town I have no connection to.  You could say the same about my father.  We didn't have a great relationship.  Everyone on social media posted pictures of their father's saying how their father was the best father ever.  Know what?  I'm not going to ever say that on social media.  I suppose you can say that he tried his best with me, but I don't know that to be true.  I assume that he tried to do right by me, the only way he knew how.  I never spoke to him about his father, and so I know nothing about my paternal grandfather.  Perhaps he didn't know much about him either.  There is little chance now that I'll be a father.  I have a stuffed monkey, and I'm nearly absolutely sure that Chan is as close as I'll get to being a father.  Would I like to take a crack at it?  I thought I did with TheDesire.  But my time is passing.  As much as I think I love TheDesire, I can't imagine having four kids, like she wants.  Two would be plenty.  But this world is crumbling, and even I'm not sure I want to be here for the collapse.

Mon, June 22, Work was hectic in the morning, as is the new normal here at my morning job.  There are so many people coming in for passports that most of the time we don't even do anything else.  Books are secondary, it would seem, because we're devoted so much energy to doing passports.  Oh well.  I did one passport today.  After that I went back to my office and did what I do.

I did get to met one of my newest coworkers.  She's pretty, and has a crazy little body.  Of course, I have zero chance with her, if I was so inclined.  Besides being related to the one coworker that knows about LM and I hooking up, and subsequent wrong doing on my part (to have LM tell it), she's also her niece.  So yeah, no chance.  She's not on my radar anyway.  Really no women are right now.  They're are many on the long range scanners, but nothing close by.  Even TheDesire is far flung.  Ironically, I might have the best chance with her than with any of the others.  Which is an indication of how bad in actuality and potential my love life is currently.

Tue, June 23, Last night MicroManager asked me to come into work early, 1pm.  I stupidly said yes, without checking my schedule first.  Because, if I had, I would have noticed that I had already agreed to cover the desk at job one until 1:30.  I had to do some juggling at the last minute to get out of working at SM until 1:30, because I had to be at Glendale at 1pm.  I hate that I flaked out on SM in favor of GPL.  I just didn't want to tell MicroManager that I couldn't make it.  Yes, she's that terrible.

Now why was I now having to scramble?  The dummies at Glendale were going to celebrate a coworker's birthday, and they were going to take an extra long lunch.  They took a two and a half hour lunch.  Major bullshit.  The crazy thing is that they called my buddy Vagabundo to come in for a few hours.  Last night MicroManager asks me if I can come in.  I say yes, stupidly.  I tell MicroManager that I'll need a dinner, since I'll be working seven hours.  She squawks about how I have her over a barrel.  Shit like that pisses me off.  She called my buddy, and because he was reluctant to come in for only three hours she said that he could come in for four hours.  Of course, after they returned from their long lunch MicroManager was crowing about how my buddy and I "negotiated" an extra hour for my buddy and a dinner break for me.  Fucking bullshit!  This is stuff she should have been offering from the get go.  I hate that she plays these stupid games with everyone, but especially me.

My buddy Dane found an iPhone the other day.  He gave it to me last night to see if I could reset it.  When I came home I plugged it into my computer and attempted to reset it.  After a couple of attempts I got the thing to boot up.  I wiped the data on it and set it up for my buddy to use.  Tonight I gave it to him all ready to use.  At dinner he asked me a bunch of questions.  I'm happy to help him.  It's nuts how such a short time ago all his electronics were stolen, and today he not only has the tablet I gave him, but another one he found, and now this iPhone that he also found.  I'm happy that I could help him in these little ways.  He has nothing.  These small finds and gifts go a long way towards helping him deal with his reality.

Wed, June 24, I told my buddy that these days I'm in a zen place when it comes to work.  I don't worry too much.  I don't try too hard.  I don't work when I don't have to work.  Today was a easy day.  I had my computer class, and even though it went well I did think that I do like that I don't have to do it any more.

The woman from the library foundation that I have a slight crush on was in my office talking to my pseudo supervisor today.  She and I were flirty.  I wonder if pseudo supervisor sees that we're flirting.  I want to make it known to her that I am flirting with her.  I try and touch her whenever I can.  I need to bed her.  I like her.  But also, I think that despite the age difference we could get along.  Also, she needs a younger lover, and I need an older lover.  Or not.  We'll see where this goes.  This woman is one of my projects.  I'm not good at this, but sometimes I stumble upon the answer.

LaFlor returned to work today, and to my vision.  She does have a great butt.  I've forgotten because she hasn't been at work lately.  The new girl has a cute butt as well, but LaFlor still has the better butt.  Seeing either of them naked would be great, of course.

Dinner with TheGirl tonight was a night out for us.  We usually eat in on Wednesdays, and alternate who "buys" every other week.  This was my week.  I usually do take-out and take it to her place, have a little booze, and eat.  Tonight we went out to get some food at a local hot dog place.  She likes it there.  I'm not quite sold on it yet.  Tonight's meal was passable, which isn't good.  But, at least it was inexpensive.  Unlike every single time I go to TheGirl's for Wednesday night dinner, I didn't drink tonight.  Well, not until I got home.

When I arrived home I found a note from my aunt reminding me that the insurance bill is coming soon, and that after that the property tax will be due.  I FUCKING ALREADY KNOW THAT!  I've been saving up as many pennies as possible.  But does she know that?  NO!  All she sees is that a box from Amazon showed up in the mail yesterday.  But that box was filled with gloves that I bought for work.  Whatever, I've been saving up as much money as I can.  I wish someone would buy my photographs for a few bucks here and there.  If I sold one photo each month I could pay off the property taxes with that money.  Alas, I'm not selling my stuff.  I know I say it all the time, but I REALLY need to get my stuff out there in front of a ton of eyes.

Thu, June 25, My buddy told me last night that he scraped the van yesterday as he was driving into the parking structure.  I'm not sure how he did that, but the reality is it's done.  I saw the mark this morning.  It wasn't small, like I thought last night.  But, it also wasn't so bad.  Mostly a transfer of paint from the barrier to the van.  I went into the city garage to put a couple of gallons of gasoline into the tank.  While I was there the guy from the yard greeted me.  I told him about the paint.  He took out a can of brake disc cleaning fluid and proceeded to clean the paint off the side of the van.  It was almost like magic how the paint came off.  There was a tiny dent that was visible now that the paint was off.  However, you have to look really close to see it.  I sent my buddy pictures and he thanked me for fixing the problem.

The route itself wasn't so bad, until the end.  That's when I had to pick up the instruments from one of the branches and take them back to home base.  Thankfully the guy at the branch helped me out.  It saved me about twenty minutes.  It gave me more time to go and get dinner before job two.

Job two was easy peasy.  My coworker said last week that they wanted to go out for dinner after work, and there was no way I was getting out of it this week.  I was tired from the long day at work.  Especially having to move those damn instruments today.  However, I did want to go out with my coworkers.  After work we went to dinner.  I had enchiladas and a gimlet.  I do miss going out with my friends from work.  They are a good bunch of people.  Really dinner club died because I didn't go out with the group.  I started seeing TheGirl and I spent my time with her instead of my friends.  It's natural, and happens all the time in life.  Still, because I didn't go any more the fun was taken out of dinner club.  This is why the rest of the group fell apart.  Anyway, I ate, drank, and talked to my buddy about work on the way home.  A good day.

Fri, June 26, Today I had to do the route, and on top of that stay and work the desk.  With the heat today, the route was difficult to work today.  The fucking heat really baked me today.  When I was done with the route I was ready to pass out.  But then I still had to work on the desk.  Thankfully I was on the upstairs desk for two of the remaining three hours.  I rushed home after work, not even considering anything else.  I went to the market, bought some food, and took it home to eat.  I bought one of those ready made pizzas, and lettuce.  I mixed some croutons and bacon bits with the lettuce and cooked up the pizza and had that for dinner.  The heat was terrible today.  It wore me down.  My salad didn't even make it to the end of my meal before it was already withering. The groundbreaking for the library retrofit is coming up in about a month's time.  Already there are things to get ready, and things that are ready.  Like the above poster, which has the bullet points for the work to be done.  I like how the word dedicated, when used in reference to a memorial room, sounds like it's committed to man's inhumanity to man.  That's the context I get out of the word dedicated.  It's just me, I'm sure.  But, I did email the media guy some alternative words.  Words that seem a lot more correct.

Sat, June 27, I'm happy to report that despite having to work today I really didn't work much today.  I was covering for one of the full timers on the desk today, and it was chill.  Why can't more days at work be like today?  Even still, I was tired by the end of the day.  The above picture is of the 4th of July sales desk.  They aren't selling as much as they have in years past.  Whatever.  None of that money goes into my pocket.

Sun, June 28, When I arrived at work today the power was off.  The computers were still working, but that's because they were on back-up.  Everything else was off.  For some reason the power was out, but it was only the building.  Today was an adventure because everyone seemed perfectly unreasonable.  The clerks were sent home after a half hour.  At the time we're supposed to open, pictured above, every person showed how fucked up they really are.  What followed after the closing was four hours of people trying to come into the library, asking why we were closed, and then after we told them that we were closed having them question us as if we were lying to them.  "The power went out."  "Oh, can I still go in and look for books?"  "No, you can't."  What about "the power went out" didn't these people understand?  Some other guy wanted to buy tickets to the city's 4th of July celebration.  On top of that we had two events happening at the library.  One was actually next door, but I was the tech guy that had to make sure everything was working. The event is presented by a woman that needs her neck wrung.  She's the embodiment of the patrons I wanted to just choke today.. entitled.  The Universe doesn't owe you ANYTHING.  To think differently is to be a naive fool.  I'm tired of dealing with idiots that think the world revolves around them.  I wish I could quit my jobs.  But how could I make a dime?  Sell my photos?  Yeah, right.  Good luck finding someone to buy my work.  Whatever.  There will be a day, when I'm long gone, that someone will appreciate my work.  Maybe it will only be TheGirl and TheDesire.  That's better than no one.

Anyway, back to the story.  One of the San Marino cops pulled the breaker and reset everything.  The power was back on.  We still had to deal with idiots that wanted to come into the building, do things we weren't willing to do because we were closed.  One of the pages, who is a fool, stayed and of course didn't help.  He's "special."  All in all today was about dealing with people.  The dial was raised, but there was no way I was going to go nuts about it.  Things like this don't matter.  What matters is far, far away from these jobs.  Far away from the idiots that I deal with every day.  It's one hundred and fifty days until Big Sur.

Mon, June 29, Mondays are the worst.  I usually sleep right through the night, but not last night.  I woke up three times because of the heat.  It was fucking horrid.  That disrupted my sleep and I woke up feeling like a zombie.  I usually eat whatever I can find in the fridge, but of course there was nothing in the fridge this morning.  I came home tonight and my aunt told me that she hid my food, because my cousin's husband was coming over today.  What the fuck!?  Because of that I didn't have any food for lunch, so I had to buy my breakfast and lunch.  It is extremely frustrating to deal with a person like my aunt, who is petty and idiotic.  My cousin's husband isn't going to go into the fridge and cook the food.  He simply won't do something like that.  But to have her tell it he pushes his way into the house all the time to eat all our food.  Fucking bullshit!

Because of that I didn't have breakfast at home either.  I ended up going to Carl's for some biscuit thing.  It certainly hit the spot, but what the fuck!  Then I went to work.  The patrons came in like cattle, and there were stills some residual problems from yesterday's power loss.  Like the credit card machine.  Whatever, I helped best I could and then bolted to my office, where I found myself passing out as I sat at my desk.  Thanks again to the heat last night.

Job two was fine tonight, but I was low on energy.  By that time I left work I was ready to pass out.  I came home, had my aunt tell me about the hidden food, which I heated up and ate, and now I'm here relaxing in front of the fan.  At least the air is cool tonight.  I went ahead and sent Snow another email asking her when she was available to go to Disneyland again.  No response, at all.  I don't expect one.  She can eat shit!  At least turn me down outright.  But, she's not that kind.  Whatever.  I'm tired of everything.  I considered asking TheDesire if she will go with me to Santa Barbara on Friday.  I didn't do it today, but I think I'll ask tomorrow.  She's another dead-end, but at least she's a nicer dead-end.  Ah, fuck it all.

Tue, June 30, The last day of the month.  Job one was hectic, as usual.  And it was fucking hot outside today.  My usual nap time in between jobs was so difficult because of the heat.  When I arrived at job two things looked to be just like any other Tuesday evening.  That is until MicroManager asked me to make a special delivery run to one of the branches for some furniture that's going to be put on sale next week.  She was clearly frustrated by the fact that she doesn't have enough staff to do all these things requested of her.  Still, I'm the one that should bitch about it, I have to do the actual work.  Whatever, I made the pick up and delivery in less than an hour.  It was literally five chairs.  Fucking bullshit!

Here are some random things from today.  My pseudo supervisor mentioned today that the women I want to bed that's on the Foundation board was asking if I was single.  I wondered if she was asking for herself.  Supposedly not, but perhaps yes.  Apparently pseudo supervisor is also looking out for the kid here.  I have to say that after hearing that sort of stuff I think that the only women that can appreciate me are those have that lived a little.  It would seem that my contemporaries, or those a little younger (such as TheDesire, Snow, et al) haven't lived long enough to appreciate what I potentially bring to the relationship table.  I'm stable.  I don't do drugs, though I do drink.  I work hard at two jobs.  I like many other qualities that are seemingly thought of as positive.  But, I'm super unlucky in love.  Well, I think that I should really flirt a lot more with this board member.  She's nice, and perhaps I'm the kind that can also appreciate an older woman.  They don't play as many games.  They understand that life is short, and you best make the most of it.

I asked TheDesire if she wanted to go to Santa Barbara on the 3rd.  She said she already had family plans.  Even if she didn't, at least she didn't just hang me out to dry like fucking Snow.  Be it a lie or not, at least she said something.  I asked her when our next misadventure was going to be.  She mentioned saving up her money and energy for her trip to her homeland in August, working as much as possible until then.  So that means no Bugs Bunny at the Bowl with her.  She'll be in Armenia.  I gambled on that move, but at least I still have options.  There's always TheGirl.

Lastly, there's news about the hours the full timers are going to work at Glendale.  Supposedly they would start work at 10am.  Not sure why they talked about having them start to late in the day, eg: 2pm.  What a fucking joke.  Anyway, MicroManager once again said that she would use me on Saturdays.  I need to maintain that my amount of hours.  I have bills to pay.