This has been an interesting month, to say the least.  I'll just jump right into this update.

Aug 1, Last night after work H and I were off work we talked for nearly two hours.  As we talked we watched our other coworkers walking around the closed library.  They were upstairs, downstairs.  It was strange to watch them in the lounge.  We could only see them pop up once in a while.  We joked that they were probably having an affair.  Who knows.  If they are, good for them.  If not, then that's actually kinda weird to stay there so late while NOT having an affair.  It's definitely something I've been thinking about.
Today MicroManager had me scheduled on the desk for six out of my seven hours.  It was brutal.  She had me three hours in a row after lunch.  Is it any wonder I passed out when I got home?  There wasn't any new news about the change over to the one desk.  Not today.  I'm happy to leave this week in the rearview.  When I woke up after my unscheduled nap tonight I watched some TV.
It was past midnight and I was getting ready to jerk off when TheGirl finally sent me a good night text.  She was out late, she said.  Yeah, whatever.  I try not to care about what she does during her weekends, but it's still hard.  For so many months my weekends revolved around having a good time with her.  Then it all ended, but it didn't end quickly.  It was over a time that suddenly she wasn't available every other weekend.  That was when she was seeing TheChisel every other weekend.  Those times hurt, and I think me still wondering what she does makes me think of those horrid days.  She treated me horrible back then.  I stuck around because I was in love.  I just think she's being a hypocrite because she says so many nice things about me while she's facing me.  But I know she's not always saying nice things about when I'm not around.

Aug 2, Finally, a day off.  But there's certainly no rest for the weary.  Today was all about errands.  I first went to lunch with my coworker So-so.  Followed that with a trip to the gas station.  Then the 99 cent store.  Then the mall to get some tea and cassette tapes.  Then I went to get a hair cut.  The picture above shows Chan at the barber with me.  My barber loved Chan.  He said he was cute.  He really got a kick out of the monkey.  Don gave Chan a big hug.  I like it when people react to Chan that way.  Shows me they're all right.
I came home and watched TV.  Didn't want to do much else in this heat.  It's so humid that it makes doing anything near impossible.  I find it hard to breath at times.  That might be because I've felt like a cold is coming on.  I signed up for a trial of one of those online TV show sites.  I started watching some Kurosawa films: Seven Samurai and Ikiru.  The following is a line from Ikiru that really stuck with me tonight.

"Man is such a fool.  It's always just when he is going to leave it that he discovers how beautiful life can be.  And even then, people who realize this are rare.  Some die without ever once knowing what life is really like.
It's a man's duty to enjoy life: it's against nature not to."

I've wanted to try again with TheDesire.  Probably because I don't have any one else on my radar.  Certainly TheGirl isn't an option.  I was thinking the other day, the day that would have been our anniversary, how at one time I loved her with my whole heart.  Today I love her, but I'm not totally and madly in love with her.  But TheDesire is someone I could fall that hard for, if she would only give me a chance.  Then again, who says that the Universe isn't saving me from a terrible thing?  Wait, I know it's not.  It didn't save me from myself when I was with TheGirl.  Whatever!  I'll feel things out with TheDesire.  I can't believe I'm still thinking about her.

Aug 3, Work was pretty chill today.  There's construction going on outside the library, it's hot as a furnace, and most of the people that come into the library come to study.  That makes for a easy going day.  After work I was ready to just go home when one of the pages asked us, as we were all walking out together, if we were going to do something after work.  "NO," we all said, because we really didn't have any plans.  He left, but then we started thinking about how hungry we all were, and that perhaps we SHOULD go get something to eat.  So him asking us caused us to actually go out and get some food.
We ended up going to Dog Haus for some yummy dogs.  I ordered something called the Fonz, after the character on the TV show Happy Days.  The dog consisted of a Italian sausage topped with pastrami and cheese.  I had them add bacon for good measure.  The yummy sausage made the meal.  I went home after dinner and watched some movies while sitting in front of the fan.  It's been super hot this week.  This past week sucked.  Hopefully this coming week will be better, but I doubt it.  When I got home I got nice and drunk.

Aug 4, I went into work a little later than usual because I woke up late this morning.  It turns out that I was supposed to cover the reference desk, but no one told me.  Thankfully I was on time, and Johnny on the spot.  The shift was actually kinda busy for a Monday morning.  Nothing TOO crazy, thankfully.  After my shift I talked to the children's intern.  One of my coworkers told me I should ask her out.  I had to know if she was single first.  Today she pretty much confirmed it to me while we chatted.  It's her last day tomorrow, so I have to make some sort of move to keep in touch with her at least.  She seems nice, but of course right now nice has nothing to do with anything.  Her body is nice, that's why I'd be interested.  But truthfully I'm not looking for a relationship.  Correction, I'm not looking for a relationship with anyone other than TheDesire.  I'm still fixated on her.  As a matter of fact, I started a mini-project for the site.  I'm going to put eleven of her best photos online.  I edited them to make them look super nice.  For all my talk about moving on, I'm still infatuated by her.  I still like her.  I still wish to be with her.  I know, it's stupid.
While on the desk my coworker, So-so, texted me to say that my homeless buddy Dane was being kicked out of the library for smelling.  It's a once day suspension.  I know he has his issues with the security guard that put the pinch on him today.  Dane thinks that this particular security guard has a vendetta against him.  But really this guy is just doing his job.  If anything he's held back because he knows that Dane is my friend.  I know my friendship doesn't amount to much protection, but there is SOME protection Dane garners because he knows me.
TheDesire is not liked by one of my coworkers because TheDesire, in her mind, "Milked her brother's suicide."  How does one "milk" a horrible event like that?  I tell you, this gossip just reveals how base my coworkers are.  Instead of sympathizing and caring for TheDesire, they resent her for using that loss for some job gains.  I know TheDesire isn't that kind of a person.  I'll vouch for her on that point.  She doesn't care to move up that way.  She rather do it the honest way.  The women TheDesire works with are jealous of her rise.  They're also jealous that she's pretty, and that people like her, and that she isn't JUST a pretty face.  She has the chops.  She can do this job in her sleep.  Fucking jerks.

Aug 6, Today my pseudo supervisor had me do some actual work.  We moved some things in the basement.  Then I had to make a poster for an author event.  But aside from that the shift was pretty chill, as it is every Wednesday.  I finished up my poster for the next event, but I still have the bigger poster to finish.  Also, I have a bunch of other projects in the pipeline.  As always, good times.
For dinner TheGirl and I went to a Mexican restaurant up the street from her new place.  It was meh.  The margaritas were pretty good, but how does one fuck up a margarita?  Dinner cost me a pretty penny, just under $60.  More than half of it was spent on booze.  From now on we have dinner at her place and I buy us a bottle of something.  Doing that is WAY cheaper than going to a bar, for sure.  The food was mediocre at best.  Not horrible, but not great either.

Aug 7, Today was another double shift Thursday, working Glendale and San Marino.  In the morning I had to contend with not having my regular van to drive in.  Our usual library van is big, is custom made for us, but it also needed new brakes and had to stay in the shop all day today.  I was given a loaner van, which was about half the size.  I made due.  The route was interesting.  Dealing with a different van was one thing, but at the end of my route TheGirl's friend asked me a lot of questions about TheGirl.  How she was, where she was living, stuff like that.  I spilled a few beans, because I know she wants to know real badly.  I can use this piecemeal information approach to get something good out of her one day.  Sowing the seeds.  Then it was TheDesire's turn.  We had a nice conversation.  She looked nice and happy.  I'm glad.  She told me that she feels the only person that doesn't like her in the entire library system is TheGirl's friend.  Which needs a nickname, because I will probably end up mentioning her more here.  Of course I know better.  TheDesire is smart, capable, and pretty.  The rest of her coworkers have the first two going for them, but are definitely not as pretty as TheDesire.  Hence the jealously.  But now that TheDesire is moving on up there will be more stories about how she's this and that.  Meanwhile, TheDesire told me how TheGirl's friend's jaw dropped when she heard the news of TheDesire's promotion.  TheDesire is going back to Central, and will be the main person in charge of her own collection.  Her own collection.  Craziness.  On a side note, it was nice talking to TheDesire for more than a few moments.  I've missed that.  I nearly broke down and asked her to hang out.  It might be time to try again.  Oh no!
I went to San Marino, to cover a shift.  But, turns out they didn't need me.  However, I tried to get some project stuff done.  I actually ended up just sitting in my office doing nothing but surfing the web.  The new library assistant is nice.  Found out she's divorced, recently divorced.  I might have to make a move.
H was trying to convince me to attend our former boss' dinner tomorrow.  I didn't want to go, but then she said she was going.  But then I thought about how I'm not keen on going and seeing my former boss.  Mostly because she passed me over for opportunities.  I don't mind that, but she shouldn't have told me that she was working on getting mea promotion, and then just leave it hanging there in mid-air.  I saw two other people get the jobs she mentioned she was "thinking about me" for.  As soon as the new boss was moved up she mentioned that she wanted to promote me.  Within a few weeks the paperwork was in the pipeline, and within a few weeks after that I was officially promoted.  In five years with the library all I heard was promises from the old boss.  So yeah, I resent the old boss lying to me.
It is a time when one of the libraries I work in has turned their back on the core principals that are at the heart of libraries, in favor of numbers.  I know budgets are tough to deal with.  However, the moves being made by the higher ups right now are going to kill this library.  They are no longer "librarians," they're "money men."  Sad.

Aug 8, Work today was pretty uneventful.  It went fast, I'm dead tired now.  I do keep working on this problem of the new library system we're going to be using.  I read articles and it would seem that it's a mixed thing.  This is a sea change.  What libraries have been for so many years is going to change.  I'm ready for the roller coaster that is coming.  The problem with everyone else is that they're going to fight the changes.  I don't care.  I'm not married to any of these systems.  I'm ready for the change.  I may not have my degree in library science, but I have plenty of experience now.  Good experience.  OK, I'm tired from working, so I don't want to write too much tonight.  Suffice to say, I just hope that I get to work with TheDesire on the desk.
Just as I was going to get off the computer I noticed that TheGirl hadn't texted me since the 3 o'clock hour today.  She didn't even say hi when she got home, which usually means something is fishy.  Of course I check TheChisel's FB and find that she's hanging out with him, despite all her protests that she dislikes him.  She said the same thing about hanging with TheHusband, and yet she still hangs out with him.  Makes me wonder what she's saying about me.  Probably telling her friends that she dislikes me as well.  I'm probably the one she hates the most.  I thought about telling her about my trip up to Carmel in November, but now I'm not.  Fuck this shit.  I need to stop this useless exercise with TheGirl.  Oh, I found out that the restaurant we went to the other night, our dinner night, was the same one she went with TheChisel a couple of weeks ago.  I'm going to ask TheGirl not to take me to any place she has gone with TheChisel.

Aug 9, I hadn't been to Disneyland in a couple of week.  The last time I arrived early I found it pretty easy to go on many of the attractions.  The same went today.  Before noon I was able to go on Big Thunder, the Haunted Mansion, Star Tours; Mark Twain riverboat, It's a Small World, AND Car Toon Spin.  I ate some breakfast in DCA, at the Cozy Cone stands.  The food was a little bland, and something like Tabasco or ketchup would have helped.  Still, it was filling and fairly inexpensive.
After going on Star Tours, I needed to use the restroom.  While walking there I went by what used to be the "Starcade," an area that used to be filled with video games.  Well, it would seem that they returned some of the games.  The area is still mainly a store, but they did return about a dozen games.  One of them is based on a movie Disney made that had a video game character featured.  My buddy Jon told me via text that the Disney game is free to play.
I should explain why there's a picture above of a girl taking a photograph with her iPad.  See, I have a thing when I see someone take a photo with a iPad.  They're stupid.

Padhole n. A person who uses their tablet to take pictures instead of using their phone or camera.

The definition is from Urban Dictionary, but I first heard it somewhere else.  Suffice to say, it's absolutely right.  The quality of the photos taken are no where near photos taken w/ an iPhone or a regular camera.  Which makes me wonder why these people bother.  Then again, I can say that about everyone these days, no matter what they do.  Shame really, the girl was kinda cute.  Seems that there are a ton of cute girls every time I go to Disneyland.  I mean really.
I came back home and looked up some airfares for my cousin and her father.  They want to go to Mexico during the holidays.  But the prices were super high.  I'm not tasked with finding a lower airfare.  It's not going to be easy, I think.
After they left my buddy came over for some food and drinks.  We drink like fishes.  My buddy drank so much that he threw up half his dinner.  Woo!  It was cathartic to say the least.  I got nice and tanked, but I didn't throw up.  Fun was had by all.

Aug 11, San Marino was chill this morning.  Did a little work, but nothing too nuts.  I'm still working on several projects at the same time at SM.  I think I have done some good work.  But, what do I know?  I think I'm due for an evaluation soon, but who knows at that place.  They just kind of haphazardly do things.  I kinda like that quaintness about San Marino.
On the other hand, Glendale is totally different.  Today I was slammed on the circulation desk.  My partner abandoned me.  She left the desk to pull the holds (books that are on hold for people).  And today was busy.  I had one person in line, but it was an issue that I couldn't deal with quickly.  Next thing I know I turn around and I see that there are eight people in line.  Of course each of them with a "why are you taking so long" look on their faces.  I looked for my "partner," but she was nowhere to be found.  She was probably in the stacks.  What sucks is that for the whole hour the onslaught didn't stop.  Correction, for the entire time I was on the desk tonight the onslaught didn't stop.  I didn't have time to do anything except check out books at break-neck speed.  It was all I could do to keep up.  Not that I went all out.  No more of that shit.  I definitely turned it up to 80%, but not 100%.  Never.
When I got home I did a little of my index/cataloging project with my photos.  I have so many photos that I need to add "meta data" in order to find anything.  In looking at some of my iPhone photos I found some of TheDesire.  As a matter of fact, I found the FIRST picture I took of TheDesire, from four years ago (four years ago a day before my upcoming birthday, to be exact).  That was just at the time when TheGirl and I started to flirt.  The above photo is of TheDesire in her old office at Central.  Wow, she was so pretty then.  She's still pretty.  And I still have a huge crush on her.
I usually visit TheGirl on Mondays after work.  But TheGirl was having a meeting with her brother tonight, some sort of business deal supposedly.  She didn't get home until late, so she told me not to visit tonight.  It was kinda nice to get home early.

Aug 12, Went to work today at San Marino expecting everything to go nuts.  It didn't.  I was pretty chill.  I had lunch with one of my coworkers, who goes cold and hot on me.  But, generally is nice to me.  I then delivered a box to one of the foundation members.  Then I drove to job two.  But, because I had lunch earlier than normal I arrived to job two earlier than normal.  I took a nice long nap.  So long I actually felt rejuvenated.  I suspect it was about an hour, but I can't even know for sure because I didn't care.  I had my alarm set, and I knew I wouldn't oversleep.
My buddy was called in to do the route today.  We're now going to Pasadena, but because he wasn't trained to do it, he didn't go.  The supervisor in charge told him not to go, so he didn't.  But then when MicroManager showed up she pissed and moaned about him not going to Pasadena.  Because of that they made him stay until I showed up so I could show him that portion of the route.  Mind you, I reminded MicroManager that my buddy needed that part of the training to be complete.  But, she dismissed it saying that she didn't have the budget for it.  Well, of course I knew that some day in the future he would have to do the route to Pasadena and would have no knowledge of it.  I TOLD MicroManager THREE MONTHS AGO that he needed to be trained on this portion of the route.  I don't know what she figured, but today could have been avoided if she had just let me show my buddy ONCE!  Oh well, what can you do?  There's no winning with that woman.  Of course she's "never" wrong.  It's such bullshit, because she fucks up A LOT.  But in her mind it's someone else's fault.  I wonder if she's diluting herself by thinking it's really everyone else's fault, or is she self aware enough to see witness her decline and gets frustrated because she seemingly can't do anything to stop it?
It's a good thing I went with my buddy though.  Pasadena had nearly twice as many books waiting for us today.  It was insane.  The two of us were going at full speed and it was still hard to get all those books in the van.  I'm tired right now, but it's a good tired.  I thought today was a ball.  Stuff like this used to get to me, but nowadays I just go with the flow.  I ain't going to kill myself over this shit.  The rest of the night was standard.  Until I had to do the delivery sorting.  I had the wrong task and I started working the circulation desk.  They quickly moved me back and I dashed through the task.  I wasn't going to give MicroManager any ammunition to used against me.
After work my buddy Dane offered to pay for dinner.  Every Tuesday I buy us dinner at a local Carl's Jr. before I drop him off at the park.  He said he found $20, and he wanted to treat me to a meal.  It was super nice of him.  I dropped him off and went to home.  What a fucking week.

Aug 13, Work was chill today.  My pseudo supervisor, TheChan, is off on her vacation/working trip.  So I was left to my own devices today.  I had lunch with Edwardo, former coworker, at Float in Pasadena.  The third member of our lunch group never texted me back.  Not until after I was already on my way to TheGirl's for dinner.  Oh well.  Float was pretty good.  I had a pastrami sandwich with a creamsicle float.  The float consisted of vanilla ice cream with orange soda.  It was nice!  The rest of my shift was super easy as well.  Not too many questions to answer.  I thought that school started this week in San Marino, but I was wrong.  Turns out it's next week.  Hey, it's all the same to me.  Like I said, the shift was pretty chill.  I had some work to do, but since I can't get approval on some things I just did my own thing on the desk today.
After work I hot footed it to TheGirl's for our traditional dinner.  Despite what I say about spending less time with her, it's still nice to have this dinner with her.  Despite also having to hold my tongue about knowing that she still hangs out with TheChisel.  TheHusband I can understand, kinda.  And it is funny to hear that her dog doesn't like TheHusband.  Still, TheChisel sticks in my craw.  I think I'm projecting this idea that he wasn't the better man, but that he was able to meet her family without the stink of the affair.  I know I would never get that stench off me, so I suppose I resent the fact that he just walked right in on this whole deal.  Like how he invited himself to TheGirl's boyfriend's boot camp graduation.  I was the one the one invited, not him.  Yet he not only got to go, he invited himself.  Ah, but life is fair at times.  That graduation meant nothing in the end.  I shouldn't resent all this stuff.  I'm not an innocent in all this.  I can't pretend that I don't have the stink of an affair on me, because we did have an affair that broke up her marriage.  TheChisel is, in a sense, an innocent.  I just fucking hate his face is all.  But I think what I hate is that he replaced me.

Aug 14, The route today was a little rough because I had to also deliver those damn instruments.  On my own the task is becoming harder.  They gave me one of the pages to help me take them, thankfully.  But still, it was tiring.  What also sucked was not seeing TheDesire this week.  I checked later that she was serving jury duty.  Just my luck.  Oh well, there's always next week.  And then only a couple of weeks after.  Because she makes the move to Central in September.  I may not see her but here and there, or I may see her all the time.  We shall see.
I have a curiosity based on old facts.  TheGirl was quiet today, didn't text me much.  Especially in the evening.  My curiosity took me to FB, where I saw a picture posted on TheChisel's page of TheGirl with her dog (above).  Attached to the picture posted is this quote, "TheGirl and Cheyenne, SO lucky to have these two in my life!"  Of course he didn't write "TheGirl," TheChisel wrote her real name.  Whatever.  I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it still does.  I guess I just question why she says she can't STAND to be around him, yet hangs out all the time with him.  Know who I hang out with?  People I like.  TheDesire, my buddy, Dane, to name a few.  I like those people.  I don't go around telling people I don't like hanging out with them only to then hang out with them seemingly every weekend.  Ah, why do I even care.  I've been doing well not thinking of TheGirl, not contacting her, forgetting her.  Yet this sort of stuff still gets me.  I guess because I wonder what is the truth.  That TheGirl really hates him and is hanging with him because who else is she going to hang out with.  Or the alternative, that she likes hanging out with him, and lies to me about it because she figures I'll walk away or something.  WE'RE not together, I don't have issues with her seeing anyone.  She's the one that got all in a huff when she saw me with TheDesire last year.  Of course there's another alternative, that TheChisel is posting pictures to convince his friends that things with TheGirl are going well.  He made a big deal when he was with TheGirl.  After she "dumped" him he had to deal with having egg on his face after boasting about their relationship.  This is all speculative, but it sure makes for a good story.  If I had enough evidence I could tell the story in more detail.  But this is what I've pieced together.  I sure hope she prints this photo out and frames it.

Aug 15, I started work today at 10am.  It's kinda nice, though I know I'm making less money.  An hour here and there isn't going to kill me.  Especially since I can make it up at the other job.  I spent four out of my seven hours on the upstairs desk.  It wasn't so bad, no dummy patrons to fuck with me today.  Thankfully.  Nothing really eventful happened at work today, just saying.
Oh, my buddy Dane discovered he has a texting program on a cell phone he found.  We've been able to text each other for the last few days.  It's cool.  I always wanted to be able to text him.  We have plenty to talk about, that's for sure.  On Friday nights I usually talk to him after work, drive him to where I drop him off, and then go home.  Tonight I bolted to the Brand library for a concert.
One of my coworkers plays in a band, and he's been inviting me to several of his gigs, but they've been too far to go and see.  Tonight it was right in my back yard.  Also, I knew several of my other coworkers would be there.  Specifically Tiny Kay, as I'm now calling TheGirl's friend/former friend.  Tiny Kay is cute.  When I first started at the library she used to work in the children's room with TheDesire.  Now they work in the branches.  Though, soon TheDesire returns to Central, leaving Tiny Kay to feel like she's falling behind in the arms race she has with TheDesire.  Tiny Kay, according to TheGirl, is supposed to be working on a baby now that she's married.  Married nearly a year actually (a week and a day short of a year, to be exact).  The baby still hasn't arrived.  I wanted to see how she and her husband act around each other.  He was on his cell phone the entire time.  I texted her a little, mostly commenting on a woman that started dancing in the middle of the aisle during the performance.  I mean come on lady.  Still, it gave me an excuse to text her.  Someone had to entertain Tiny Kay, because it sure wasn't her husband doing so.  He just sat there, supposedly doing work.  That's what she said he was doing on his phone.  Hmmm.  Sure... "work."  Then again, who knows.  I told my buddy about all this and he thinks she's probably miserable.  I mean, why wouldn't she be miserable?  She's married, probably to a man that doesn't even appreciate her.  This is, of course you know, all complete speculation.  Still, I'm pretty good at analyzing this stuff, and I think I see what's up.  Tiny Kay needs to have an affair and then get knocked up, or vice versa.
I went home after the concert and passed out in my chair after having something to eat.  I was exhausted.  I had planned on having some booze, but I was so tired I never made it that far.

Aug 16, I'm chillin' at home today.  My aunt, surprisingly, hasn't bitched at me to do something for her.  Thank the maker.  I've been watching mindless TV the entire day, as well as doing some journaling, and also some more work on my index project.
Even as I sit here I found out some interesting things.  I found out a girl that visits the library with her mother, a girl that my coworkers thought had a crush on me, is a lesbian.  I found out on FB.  I looked her up after putting her into my contacts.  I had a picture of her business card in my files, and thought it better to have that information on my phone.  Curiosity got to me, and I looked her up online.  It's amazing what you can find out online.
While I was doing that my friend from the library, Jenn, texted me that she wanted to have lunch with me this week.  I've had lunch with her countless times over the last couple of years.  I first started talking to her when I worked on the circ. desk.  Now that I'm on the reference desk I have more time to talk.  And my schedule also meshes better with hers.  She talked to me a couple of weeks ago about wanting to get a job at the library.  I told her to apply, we're always needing people.  People are always leaving these days.  I think she's cute, and I sure wanted to make a move on her.  But then I found out she's married.  How married remains to be seen.  She once handed me a book her husband wrote.  She won't read it, mainly because it chronicles an episode of their lives in which he was accused of inappropriate actions with a minor he taught.  Apparently he had an affair with her, or so I found out from Ed (my coworker).  I didn't actually finish the book, but the parts I did read seem to fit with what Ed told me.  It would be nice to sleep with her, I'm not going to lie.  I think see's attractive.  But again, I don't want to be in that situation.  We'll see how it goes next week.
As I write this I'm about to have a drink, to cap off the day.  I need a drink after this week.

Aug 17, TheDesire texted me, without solicitation, this morning.  It made my day.  Above is our whole conversation.  I SO wanted to ask her to have dinner with me, to run away to Santa Barbara with me.  I tried to be strong though.  She would have said yes to dinner, I'm sure.  Santa Barbara, not so much.

Aug 18, Work was nothing to write about.  Pretty standard stuff.  The thing I can talk about is my weekly visit to TheGirl's after work Monday.  Our visits have become an exercise in continuing a tradition.  We really don't have anything to talk about these days.  I'm not going to tell her about pursuing TheDesire, or things from work.  I'm certainly not going to ask her how she spent her weekend, because I already know she's spending it with TheChisel.  So now I show up with Chan in tow and sit there trying to find something to talk about until the clock strikes 9:15pm. 

Aug 19, Since my pseudo supervisor TheChan is still out I get to do what I want during my shift.  Today the boss had me order a banner for an upcoming author event.  Aside from also covering a break there wasn't much officially to do today.  I like the aspects of my job that don't have to do with the Foundation.  I'm not really good for that, because I need more focus.  When I'm given a direction to go I'll go.  TheChan isn't good at that direction thing.  She has wonderful ideas, and knows her stuff, but I need more direction.  I think she's letting me figure things out though.  THAT I like.  I also like making more money for doing less work.  I'm doing good work, I'd like to think, but I'm definitely doing less physical work.
When I got to Glendale I was handed the keys and told to pick up my instruments.  Yes, they are mine.  TheDesire doesn't want anything to do with them any more, but I'm not going to disown them.  I had a small part in getting them, but that little kernel, coupled with me delivery of them means they're mine now.  All mine.  As my buddy points out, these "special" deliveries aren't special if I'm making them all the time.  He's got a point.  What makes them special to me is not being in the office.  Woo!

Aug 20, I had a staff meeting this morning, but then after that I didn't have anything to do until my shift starts at 2pm.  This is why I went ahead and scheduled a lunch with this one woman that I've talked to for the last two or three years.  She's a patron, and I think cute, if not a little ditzy.  Still, I liked her, and wanted to get into her pants.  Until! I found out she was married.  That didn't stop me before, but I don't want to be THAT GUY.  Still, the temptation is there.  And of course I can justify it like I did with TheGirl by saying that SHE's the one making the decision to cheat.  I'm just facilitating.  Yeah, it doesn't sound any better when I say it like that either.  I get it.  She was the one that invited me to lunch, I may add.  We have had lunch outside in the courtyard of the library many times.  Last time was only a couple of weeks ago.  Her husband came out and I shook his hand.  He must know I want to bone her.  He must also wonder how I can shake his hand while that thought flies around in my mind.  The answer?  Quite easily.  I'm a cad.
Lunch was nice.  She pretty much rambled for an hour and a half.  When we got to the food she turned to me and said, "Dutch?"  I didn't know what she meant at first, but then I processed it and said, "If you want," and then explained how I could buy if she wanted me to.  She said we were going Dutch.  She knew she didn't have funds in her debit card, but thought they could run it as credit.  WRONG!  I ended up paying for lunch anyway.  Ha!  She said she would pay me back.  Hopefully in kisses.  ARGH, what a terrible thing to say.  Another thing that's terrible to say is that at one point in the meal I did picture what it would be like to see her naked.  I'm a terrible person.  Lunch was over too soon.  The reason why she asked me to lunch is officially that she wants to get a job at the library.  I told her I could try.  At the end of it all I asked my boss if we were hiring.  She told me to ask the circulation chief.  I will, when he comes back from sick leave.
The shift today was busy.  The kids are back in school.  I nearly forgot how busy we get.  The monitor I like and I were talking some more.  She seems to be kinda flirting with me, but not quite.  Since I moved up in the organization she has been talking to me more.  She's cute.
Dinner with TheGirl consisted of Pollo Loco.  I ordered a yummy tostada and some enchiladas.  I didn't finish the enchiladas, but I'm sure I'll have them for breakfast tomorrow morning.  I didn't have anything in my stomach since lunch with the married woman, so the booze I drank really hit me.  TheGirl mentioned that a certain someone broke one of her wine glasses.  She mentions TheHusband's name freely, so the certain someone she means is TheChisel.  Of course she always places him in a negative light, but again she DOESN'T STOP SEEING HIM.  Her problems with him, if they really do exist, could easily be dealt with.  STOP SEEING HIM.  She could have made the move to her new place and not told TheChisel where she was living.  But NOOOOOOO... she has to invite him in, hang out every weekend with him, and generally still "date" him.  Supposedly not sleeping with him, but she's also not sleeping with me.  That's MY choice though, I doubt it's his choice.  And she can't say she doesn't spend the entire weekend with him.  He posted a picture of him, TheGirl and her dog this weekend on his FB.  Saying how they had a wonderful walk in Long Beach.  That to me belies what TheGirl says about him.  I just let that reference to "someone" slide and didn't bring it up again.  I pick and choose my battles better these days.  My "seasoning," as TheGirl called it, has taught me it's better not to act.

Aug 21, My aunt asked me last night to set her alarm clock to 5am this morning, because she wanted to wake up early and go to visit my sick Godmother.  To my surprise I woke up and went to the restroom to take a shower and saw her in the kitchen, eating.  It was 6:15.  I go in and take a shower, and of course I just KNOW that as soon as I get out she'll be outside the door doing that I gotta take a shit dance.  Sure enough, she was.  As I write this sentence it's 7am and she's STILL here!  Why wake up two hours before just to piss away that early start by sitting around watching TV?  She was awake, she should already be showered.  But no... dumb.
After I left for work I noticed on the surveillance camera we have outside that she didn't leave.  She didn't leave until 8:15am, when my cousin's husband drove her to the bus stop, I presume.  I have NO idea why she wanted me to set her alarm for 5am when she could just sleep until I wake up, which is approximately 6:30.  I just don't get it.
The route was pretty interesting today.  I had an extra assignment to do today, pick up a wire rack and deliver it to another branch.  The branch I picked it up from is one I don't often visit.  The branch I took it to was my old Monday branch, Montrose.  I came in, spoke to the librarian/boss there for the first time in weeks.  It's the most words we have exchanged perhaps in months.  The stop I was looking forward to was the one where I usually see TheDesire.  This is probably the last week I'll see her on the route, since she's moving to Central.  She said that when I entered the branch.  "This is the last time I'll be sending stuff out."  She was sending with me a pile of stuff to the other branch she worked until this promotion.  I look at her and I'm in lust with her.  I desire her body and mind.  I do like her, and I could see myself falling in love with her very easily.  I'm not sure I'm not already in love with her.  She's never far from my thoughts.  I want to write this book for her, to let her know how I feel about her.  It won't get me anywhere, but I've been sending her "daily affirmations."  And then I saw a note on her chair at her branch office, the one she will soon be leaving.  It said, "Today I have the strength and power to take action.  Nothing will hold me back, because I am fearless.  *heart* XOXO" I don't know where that note came from, if she wrote it herself, or if someone wrote it for her.  It does give me an idea though.  Still, perhaps I'm not the only one sending her affirmations.  Damn, I still like her.
I had dinner with So-so and we chatted about the stuff going on in the office.  There's always something going on.  Like we talked about our supervisor, MicroManager, and how tired she really looks these days, and how stressed she seems to be.  Also talked a little about TheDesire, and how people talk about her.  I wonder what they think of me.  Not that I care.  Ha!  I then visited with my buddy Dane before running into M-Lou, a girl that started working there a few months ago.  She's cute.  She has a son, but she never mentions the father of the child.  So-so tried to fix my buddy Vagabundo with her, but he didn't seem too keen on dating a single mother.  Hey, she's MILFy.  I should snatch her up if Vagabundo doesn't want her.  Of course the same reason he doesn't want to be with her is probably the same reason why I don't make a move, too much baggage.
As I write this I'm in the house by myself.  My aunt is currently with my Godmother.  She worries that she's not well.  She isn't well, but of course part of it is that she's ninety years old.  And the other thing is that she has a severe hernia.  My Godmother needs surgery, but she doesn't want to have it.  The hernia is so bad that part of her intestines are coming out that area, and it causes her a lot of pain.  But she doesn't trust doctors, so she's not having the operation.  I will say that at her age anything like that could kill her.  Maybe it's better not to have surgery.  Then again, having surgery might not prolog her life, but she wouldn't be in pain.  We'll see what happens.

Aug 22, I worked a seven hour shift, instead of the usual eight hour shift on Fridays.  MicroManager still needs me to slave away, but she also doesn't want me to go over my hours.  How I'm over my hours now I have no idea.  My schedule is pretty steady, and I can't imagine that hour extra here or there would make that much of a difference.  But, somehow it has.  Hence the loss of one hour on Fridays, and one hour on Mondays.  I've been making those hours up at San Marino.  Today was seven hours but it felt like nine.  The days are rather slow.  We have a ton of books, but we're also running through them seemingly faster.  No one wants to lose their jobs.  Time will tell where we all end up.
With this atmosphere I needed a drink.  I asked this girl I know, a patron I just named TheChased for the purposes of this journal, if she wanted to get a drink after I got off work.  She agreed.  How we came to this moment is that she texted me earlier this week saying that I, "Used to be interesting."  I responded, "oh.. I'm sorry - wanna sleep together?"  We didn't sleep together tonight, but it was interesting.  TheChased told me she doesn't like that she doesn't have a job, and that her life is going no where.  She also told me that she smoked crystal meth this afternoon, and that the guy that gives it to her "makes" her suck his dick.  How do I get the same deal?
We went to Jax, had a couple of drinks, a little food, and then went back to my car, where we talked for about two hours.  I got sober, dropped her off close to her house, so she could get a smoke from her friend.  Woven into the night were my thoughts of TheDesire.  I wished I was having drinks with her, and sitting in the back seat of my car, with her.  It's never going to happen.

Aug 23, My aunt came home around 5pm after visiting with my Godmother since Friday.  She told me a long story about how she went the social security office, but that's not where she was supposed to go.  The story was long and interesting only to me.  And actually, not that interesting to me either.  Except as an exercise in futility.  What I will say is how nice it was not having my aunt around to bitch at me about this and that.  I wish I had the bread to pay the mortgage on the house while also renting a place of my own.  I'd have my house as home base, but I'd do more and more of my living at an apartment.  Alas, it's but a dream.

Aug 24, Disneyland!  I went with to Disneyland with TheGirl today.  It was the first day her pass was out of blackout dates.  We had a nice time.  We checked out some neat things and some new things.  First on the agenda was a visit to the kennel club.  TheGirl wanted to check it out.  Originally we were supposed to bring TheGirl's dog with us to Disneyland today.  But, she wanted to make sure that the facilities were good.  So we went for a visit to the kennel club.  It's nice.  Nothing super spectacular, but clean and nice.  It met with her approval.  The next time we go we might take her dog with her and board her at the kennel.
I've been watching a guy on YouTube that posts some interesting and neat videos with tons of secrets and cool information about the park.  I told TheGirl about it, and we went looking for some of the not so secret things that we walk by every time we visit and never notice.  Like the poop doors, that lead to areas in the park where service dogs can do their business.  We also visited the last remaining ticket booths that sold Disneyland coupons for the attractions way back when.
TheGirl and I ate some food where we usually don't go, the Bengal Barbecue.  I had a skewer and a jalapeno-cheese filled pretzel.  It was yummy.  Then I had tortilla soup for lunch.  I topped it off with some frozen lemonade and a churro.  I ate so much, but not as much as other times.  The day was warm, and by the time we had lunch I was pretty beat.  We got a fast pass for Indian Jones early in the day, but when we went it was shut down.  So our one fast pass was for naught.  It was a short visit, like all my Disneyland visits are, but it was a good visit.  I can't wait to go back again and have some more yummy food.
I'm not sure when we'll go back together.  She was more interested in talking about a possible trip to San Francisco in September.  I'd love to get out of town, but my funds are running low.  I checked out my American Express bill and found it to not be shrinking.  Mainly because of some monthly charges that I actually don't pay off every month.  They just add to the overall balance.  I'm going to move that charge to an account that I pay in cash, removing the debt producing charge that only adds to that account's balance.  We also talked about relationships again.  She's not looking for anything, just companionship.  I'm looking to fuck.  She wants someone to cuddle with, and not play games.  She told me that the guys she has met online are all married.  Of course they are.  They're fucking bored to death.  They hate their lives and their wives.  I told TheGirl a little about what I'm writing.  It's time.  In the end what I'll conclude with is that men and women are no good for each other now.  We all want different things, and we expect one person to fulfill those needs.  No one person can do that, ever.  What the problem is now is that everyone expects there to be one person that will fit the bill perfectly.  There's no such thing.

Aug 26, Not that I didn't know this before, but perhaps I didn't want to voice it for fear that it would really be true... but I really have it bad for TheDesire.  Today someone mentioned her name at work and I perked up. I sent her another affirmation today, but she never responded.  Fuck!  I found out later that it's because she's not in town.  She's off in Hawaii not talking.
At work there was a nice milfy MILF that came in. Her nice figure reminded me of what I don't have, and that sucked.

Aug 27, Today we were treated to a free lunch at my SM job.  I now feel appreciated.  Work was work.  The kids came in like locusts, but most of them just want a study room and don't really have reference questions for me.  This means I get to do some project stuff.  But, not when some patron comes up with some computer problem.  They always think they're experts until something actually goes wrong.  Oh well, that's why I'm here.
I nearly forgot to mention something.  In the picture above one of the squares has a cluster of my coworkers.. all female.  Growing up I was surrounded by women.  Things haven't changed much.  Each of the young women in the picture is attractive.  From left to right, my new coworker is nice, is a foodie, and has a nice figure.  Then comes T, who is smart, pretty, reasonable, and smart.  Did I mention she's smart and reasonable?  That pretty much puts her above all the rest in the office.  Then there's the "intern."  It's in quotes because I don't officially know if she's an intern.  She's nice, not attractive at first glance, but then you look again and she's really nice.  I like her voice, a lot.  Finally the married one, who I remember from the day I saw her interviewing for the job.  Pretty face, and nuts.  Not shown, because she didn't go to the luncheon, is the actual intern.  Her internship has ended, but she's still working on Mondays.  She's nice.  I like her figure.  I don't know if we would be compatible, but I know that I am sexually attracted to her.  Time will tell if I make a move.
Dinner with TheGirl was nice.  We went to that same Mexican restaurant that we went a few weeks ago.  The one with the yummy margaritas.  We chatted about how everyone seems to be miserable, and lonely, and miserable.  She mentioned that she's lonely, and that despite having her dog she still wants some kind of companion in her life.  And how that's why she likes spending time with me, and TheHusband.  She didn't mention TheChisel, but I'm sure he's included in there as well.  We're gonna see each other on Sunday because I invited her to the Hollywood Bowl.  Originally those tickets were for TheDesire and me to go.  TheDesire didn't seem keen on that idea, so I went to my back-up.  It would have been nice to go with TheDesire, but it's not meant to be.  TheGirl went for a walk with her dog as I sobered up at her place.

Aug 28, Today was the longest day of the week.  It's usually short, but I covered a shift at my San Marino job in addition to the route.  Formally the best day of the week, work wise that is, the route today lacked a TheDesire sighting, so it officially sucked.  She's probably in Hawaii right now.  Good for her, bad for me.  Still, there's plenty of eye candy on the route.  The coworker pictured above is probably the prettiest girl aside from TheDesire at my job.  Actually, she's fucking hot.  She also married, and has a kid.  Yeah, that body and she has a kid.  MicroManager told me on Tuesday that I would have a special delivery today of forty boxes.  Thankfully that was cancelled, and all I had to do is the regular route.  I said good-bye to my coworker from Montrose.  Next week is her last week.  She's knocked up, and finally showing.  When I was working up there she was gaining some weight, but nothing that would make me think she was pregnant.  Well, towards the end of my time there her rolls were growing.  Little did I know there was something living inside her, hence the weight gain.  I wished her luck and told her it was nice working with her.
On my fifth stop, which used to be TheDesire's stop, two of my cuter coworkers work.  One of them is like nineteen and the other is late twenties.  They're both cute and hot.  The nineteen year old is super friendly and bubbly.  And she has a crazy nice body.  The other one has a crazy nice body as well, and is very intriguing.  Aside from TheDesire, I would like to get to know this one girl more than any other girl that I see on the route.  She's just NICE, if you catch my drift.  I've obviously had a thing for Armenian women since Talia, who is half Armenian.  If TheDesire would be with me I will forever be known as the man with the prettiest Armenian woman ever.  OK, I'm good and drunk now, so this should explain why I'm writing what I'm writing now.
After Glendale I worked San Marino.  It was chill.  I hardly did any work.  Woo hoo!  I came home and found a car sitting up the road.  When I see a car like that at this time of night it makes me suspicious.  They're up to no good.  They show this when they drive away a few moments after I arrive.  I'm going to have to find out who this fool is and find out why he's parking his fucking ass outside of my house.

Aug 29, Work was long today.  For the last few weeks I've been starting work at 10am, but today it was back to my old 9am start.  Couple that with the fact that I had lunch at 2pm, and it made for a long day.  After work I had dinner plans.  My buddy invited me and So-so for dinner.  We went to a super yummy place in Eagle Rock called El Huarache Azteca.  We all chatted about work, because that's our common denominator.  The food was awesome.  The huaraches were super tasty.
One side note, So-so's boobs were so in my face.  There was even a point where some tomato sauce fell on her boobs.  I noticed it, but she didn't notice it until a few minutes later.  She was then cleaning it up, and I was practically staring, that's for sure.  I've always had a little thing for So-so.  Not that I could act on it.  Her husband came and picked her up.  My buddy and I went back home.  It was a good night filled with food and conversation.
The last couple of weeks I've noticed that I've been getting some free meals.  People have suddenly found it something to do for me.  I truly appreciate it.

Aug 30, Today I hung out with my buddy Dane.  We've been wanting to hang out all summer, and here the last weekend of summer we finally got to hang out.  I had a surprise for Dane, I wanted to go to Santa Barbara.  Last year when we hung out we went to Venice beach.  I like Venice, but I wasn't too keen on going again this year.  Santa Barbara was close enough to travel to, but also far enough outside of Los Angeles to draw me to it.
I woke up feeling horrible this morning.  I didn't sleep well last night, which is unusual for me, because I normally sleep like a rock.  Mainly because I'm exhausted most nights.  Suffice to say I woke up late.  I didn't want to do anything today.  But I had made a date with my buddy, and I couldn't go back on that.  But, me being late caused him to go down a different street and find $80.  He found the money and wanted to buy me lunch.  I told him I wanted to go to Santa Barbara.
Once in Santa Barbara we went to get something to eat.  Our trip took nearly two hours in traffic.  Fucking idiots all leave at the same time during the day.  I was in that idiot group, mainly because despite the fact that I woke up early, I couldn't get out of bed.
We arrived in Santa Barbara and got some food.  The my buddy and I went down the sea shore.  It was a nice walk.  We got splashed by a crazy wave.  There were no other waves that day that reached that height.  Oh, and about thirty seconds before I joked with Dane that a wave was going to hit us.  We walked around downtown Santa Barbara.  Dane mentioned how much like Santa Monica the main drag was.  Most touristy places are like that.  But, thankfully I had a cure for that.  I drove us to a nice little park up the road from downtown.  I think mostly locals go there.  The views were nice, and certainly a contrast to the dummies on State street.
The day was really nice.  Dane kept mentioning how this place is nice to share with a girl.  Yeah, he's right.  But neither of us have anyone.
I had to check what TheGirl was doing today.  Of course she was hanging out with TheChisel.  Maybe it's all the booze inside my body as I write this, but Chandaka is the lasting legacy of TheGirl in my life.  Our good time together is now eclipsed by this little stuffed monkey in my life.  I love that little stuffed monkey more than I love TheGirl.  I loved the girl with all my heart, but now I know that some day I'll just have Chan in my life.  I once loved TheGirl so much that I couldn't imagine being with another woman.  But she burned that idea up.  If I ever find another woman to be with me TheGirl will just be a footnote in my life.  A large footnote, but as the distance from that relationship we had grows her importance in my life fades.  She taught me about love, and also taught me to be more cynical.  I poured my heart out with her and in the end it didn't matter.  Nothing matters.  I think this is why the words of Arnold's Dover Beach resonate so much in my life.  There is no love nor joy nor help for pain in this world.
What I hate is that I had to rely on her to go with me to the Hollywood Bowl tomorrow.  When I envisioned this night I thought for sure that I would be going with TheDesire.  I dropped a hint and TheDesire dropped a bomb.  "That's something I would only do with a significant other."  Yeah, I guess one would only do that with a significant other, which is not me.  I didn't want to go with TheGirl.  I'm going to have a good time, but my failure to get anyone else is directly because I have no options.  There are no women that I know that want to date me.  No women out there that like me.  But face it, I'm not looking for other women, I'm looking only at TheDesire.  Which is foolish.

Aug 31, I took off work today in order to go to the Hollywood Bowl with TheGirl.  But, I ended up having to go to work for a about an hour to get some files and get some work done.  I did some errands first, then booked it over to work to finish up a quick project that I should have finished on Thursday.  I knew what I had to do, and I had planned on doing it at home today or yesterday.  But, silly me downloaded the wrong file to my cloud drive.  Hence the trip to work.  Worst thing is that my boss forgot to follow up on the scheduling and T texted me that no one was there to replace me today.  Fuck, I thought.  I told our boss nearly a week before that I needed the day off.  Fuck!
After my little work tour, I went to TheGirl's to pick her up.  We went to a local sandwich shop, and bought some super yummy sandwiches.  We packed them up, along with some wine and cups, and headed to the bowl parking.  We arrived at the bowl, sat on some of the benches they have for just this reason, and ate.  And I got nice and toasty, with some whiskey in addition to wine.  The show was awesome.  It featured music from Hitchcock movies.  My favorites are always going to be the Bernard Herrmann scores.
We spotted one of the reference librarians from my Glendale job.  It was funny.  He's a good guy.  I'm sure he was wondering what TheGirl and I were doing hanging out together.
I know I said last night that I hated that I had to rely on TheGirl to go with me to the Bowl, because I had originally envisioned going with TheDesire.  But I have to rescind that statement.  I don't think I would have had a better time than with TheGirl.  We're both easy going, and nothing phases us.  We're very compatible, except for the fact that she can't keep it in her pants.  It's not a crime, but it is a betrayal.  All that's in the past now.  It's TheDesire's loss that she didn't come with me tonight.  But I do find myself with a new fondness for TheGirl.  She still hangs out with TheChisel, and tonight I did mention his name to her.  She just rolled her eyes when I mentioned his name.  But the proof is in the pudding, she's still going to hang out with him.  I'm still going to have to pursue TheDesire, but I know that it's ultimately a lost cause.  Those are the ones I fight the most.  I come out on top because I'm patient.  I wait things out.  That strategy most likely won't work with TheDesire, but I'm sure going to try.  In conclusion, I'm not sorry that I had to rely on TheGirl to go with me to the Bowl.  I'm happy she went.  TheDesire is off in Hawaii at some retreat.  It's time to forget about all woman and focus on my photograph and writing.