The month of my birthday anniversary has had a history of being more down than up, I would say.  But the last few years it's been all up.  This September was a good month, and a busy month.  Check it out for yourself.

Mon, Sept 1, Labor day, and the first of the month.  It's supposed to be a day of leisure, and fun.  But today I got to once again put out fires.  My Godmother had a bunch of money in the bank.  So much that her Medi-Cal benefits were going to be lowered or taken away, as well as her public assistance.  That is, unless she spent the money on something like funeral expenses.  That's what she was supposedly saving this money for.  Today my aunt and I took her to get her funeral arranged.  This so she could spend nearly all of the $20,000 she had in the bank.  If she didn't spend that money she would be subject to lower benefits.  No one wanted that.  But all this is easier said than done.  She's not well, and forgets things in a moment.  Today after all the paper work for the funeral was signed and legal, she asked us what we were doing today.  So sad.
We were all hungry, so I took my aunt and Godmother to a place I used to frequent with TheGirl, My Taco in Highland park.  The food is always good.  My aunt and Godmother approved.  I had some nachos and a sope, and my aunt had three sopes.  My Godmother had "caldo de pollo," which is basically chicken soup.  It's good, and hearty.
After I dropped my aunt and Godmother off at my Godmother's apartment I went home for some alone time.  I've been too tired to jerk off the last couple of nights, so I figured since no one was going to be at home with me that I would get an early start.  I really needed to jerk off.  I didn't set a timer, but I jerked off for a little over an hour and a half.  I came so much, it really helped relieve my tension, to say the least.

Tue, Sept 2, Today started was a continuation of yesterday's whole thing with my Godmother.  My aunt was going to go with my Godmother to the bank to transfer the money to her checking account.  Meanwhile, I was to drive over to Forest Lawn and be ready to pick up the paperwork.  Then I would meet my Aunt and Godmother somewhere close to the bank, hand them the papers, and then go to work.  Somehow my plan went off without a hitch, and I was happily on my way to work after all this stuff this morning.  My Aunt and Godmother were then able to go to the government office and get her paperwork done.  Somehow there was still time for my Aunt to go to her doctor's appointment.  I went to work for an hour, bolted and went to the DMV for my license renewal.  There was a girl working at the DMV that was drop dead gorgeous.  I mean fucking hot.  I tried talking to her, and she was friendly.  Some other guy in line came up to me and told her she was pretty.  Bastard.  I might have to go back and see her there at the DMV, she's THAT pretty.
Following the DMV I went to job two.  Well, I arrived early, so I took a nap outside in the car.  I feel that I could sleep for days.  Work was hectic.  I had to deal with some dopey patron that didn't have ID.  I can't issue him a card of any kind without some ID.  He wanted to use the computer, but he didn't want to get it through his thick skull that he needed ID.  Or he did, but he didn't want to hear that.  I finally just gave him my card number.  I was tired of his antics, and didn't want him near me any more.
Lastly, the photo above is of some of the women I have "liked" on Tinder.  I downloaded the application last week, hoping to find someone.  Well, day two I had two likes, but it turns out both of them were frauds.  Oh well.  This week's selection was quite nice.  Katie and Heather are just gorgeous.  Les and Lacy are hot.  Jodi is the one I wish would like me back.  I like her look, and her profile seemed to show that she's nice.  Gigi is a movie producer's ex-wife.  I don't know if it's the real person, but if it is I would say she's out of my league.  Though, her being an author is pretty damn cool.  We could talk writing.
Today was mentally exhausting. I'm glad the day is nearly over.  Oh wait, I nearly forgot to mention the coworker that saw TheGirl and I at the Bowl.  He asked me how I liked the show, while he wore a huge smile on his face.  Ha!  If only I could get TheDesire to date me, I'd see that face on everyone at the library.  Fuck yeah!!

Wed, Sept 3, This morning I went into work at Glendale for a little tour of the library.  Not that I don't know that place well enough already, but the tour was to talk to us about the final look of the library after the renovation.  They plan on starting later in the year, and it will go on for approximately two years.  Fucking long time.  And at the end of it all we don't know who is going to keep their job.  The tour was fast, and I already knew what was what because I had looked over the plans.  They're sitting in the administration office copy room.  It's all there in black and white.  The tour, I had hoped, would give me some new information.  It didn't.  The only positive thing is that I got to see Ru.  My buddy has a crush on her, but that doesn't mean I can't check out her crazy nice body.  She's tiny, but man does she have some nice curves.  The photo above doesn't do her justice.  I took it when we were on the tour, so I had to be quick about it since there were other people around.  It's not the best picture, but you get the idea what she looks like.  After the tour she seemed chatty.  I thought of asking her to lunch, but didn't until after we parted ways.  I emailed her, and she told me she went up to work anyway, so no worries.  Would have been nice to have lunch with her.  I think TheDesire is prettier, but Ru has a great ass.  I mean that thing is such a wonderful shape.  Her body is just a little marvel.
I went to job two after running some errands.  I bought some wine for tonight's dinner with TheGirl, and then had lunch with some of my coworkers.  One of them was ribbing me about the woman that I had lunch with a couple of weeks ago.  The married woman that one of my coworkers insists wants to have an affair with me.  She may, but I've hesitated to make a move.  I don't want to be THAT GUY again.  But another part of me does.  I think she's cute.  If she wasn't married I would have asked her to dinner a long time ago.  My shift was good.  I learned that one of my coworkers, a fellow library assistant, have given notice.  Next week is her last day.  She's not even going to be a librarian, she's going to work at a non-profit.  She just got her degree a few months ago, but now she's not even going to be using it in her line of work.  Hmmm.  Oh well.  It just reminded me that I have been too dopey to get cracking and get myself another job.  Well, look for another job at least.  I pinned so much of my hopes on that Beverly Hills job that I didn't consider looking somewhere else.  But since then I should have been looking.  Everyone else is looking, why aren't I looking?  Because, I'm an idiot.  But I'm too old now to play around.  I have to figure things out, and soon.
Dinner with TheGirl was nice.  She said that our dinners are the only bright spot in her week.  She's probably exaggerating, but it's nice to hear that.  We went to a falafel place up the street from where she lives.  It was good.  I'd go back again.  Had wine.  We didn't get to talk much because her dog pretty much wants all the attention to itself.  And of course the dog gets it.  The dog has been going to training for the last several weeks, but it seems like it hasn't learned a thing.  Maybe she's better at sitting, but she doesn't pay attention to TheGirl.  The dog is constantly on top of her or me.  It's a little frustrating sometimes, because the dinner is about talking and wine.  But then the dog will ask for table scraps, and that's not good.  Neither of us had any meat for dinner, but the dog smelled food and wanted some.  TheGirl needs to buck up and tell this dog who is the boss.  As it is, TheGirl just lets the dog do what it wants to do.  The dog has bit her several times.  Every time I visit her she has a new cut on her arm, or on her hand.  She's gotta get control of that dog.

Thur, Sept 4, Timing on these days where I have to work both jobs is critical.  I haven't had to deal with any extra deliveries on these two job days, until today.  More on that later.  The route itself was pretty chill.  Not too many books, and it wasn't too warm.  But stupid me forgot my lunch at central, so I ended up having to buy my lunch.  I'm trying not to spend so much on food these days.  I spend enough, I don't need to forget my lunch at central.  Damn lunch cost me nearly $10.  That's not going to break my bank.  One meal isn't, but several in a week will.  Of course I get back to central from my route with some time to spare.  But that extra time went to shit, when MicroManager asks me to make a special delivery.  Thanks to that delivery I didn't get off work until 5pm.  At least my purchase of some gloves for the route helped a lot today.  My hands weren't like mud every time I washed them.  And no cuts on my hands.  They weren't dry either.  Damn good purchase.
Because of my lateness at job one I got to job two late.  I was able to blame it on a freeway closure, but really it's because I ran late at job one.  I didn't even have time to eat dinner.  Fuck!  Thankfully H went and bought some food.  I wolfed it down.  I think I ate each taco she brought me in three bites.  They were yummy too.  Not the best, but pretty dang good.  Today was a damn long day.  I started job one at 8am, and didn't finish job two until 9pm.  That's a damn long day.  At least job two was chill.  I only helped two patrons.  Ha!
I put the photo above because of the nude picture hacking scandal that's been all over the news lately.  Some guy hacked into several starlet's accounts, including one girl I so love.. Justice.  She's so pretty.  My buddy Vagabundo always say that she's perfection.  She really is perfection.  She's ultra pretty, but also isn't a dummy (or so it would seem).  She's not a big star, so I'm sure only some people knew who she was when they said her name was one of the stars that had been hacked.  I hate to say that I went online to see the photos.  There are a couple in which it's really close to possibly being her.  Through a spokesman she has stated that the photos that depict her being nude are fakes, it really does look like her.  Course, those photos are cropped and don't show her face.  The Lawrence pictures are her.  No doubt.  She didn't even try to deny the fact.  I think J. Lawrence is a talented and beautiful woman.  I didn't realize she was so physically attractive.  I've focused on how good an actress she is.  That's not to say that I haven't checked her out in her movies, and liked what I've seen.  It's just that I didn't realize how gorgeous she is physically.

Fri, Sept 5, I started work at 10am today, which is getting to be my regular schedule now on Fridays.  Mostly because of budget issues.  No worries, I usually make it up on Thursdays.  Today was not super hectic.  Certainly have MicroManager leave for the day before lunch helped a lot.  The second half of work was chill.  There was a point where I stood on the front desk without any books to check in.  If Micro had been there she would have me do something.  But for once I got to cruise on a Friday.
On of my coworkers told me a horror story about MicroManager.  Told me that she asked him to take some boxes upstairs to the administration office.  She wasn't sure they belonged there, but she still told him to take them.  As he looked at the boxes to assess whether he needed to make two trips she told him, "Don't just look at me."  When he arrived upstairs they told him that the boxes didn't belong to them, and so he returned them downstairs to circulation.  Of course she didn't say anything to the fact that she fucked up and sent him on a pointless errand.  It's another example of her carelessness, her shortsightedness, and her lack of forethought.  I really wished she had retired.
I mentioned downloading that Tinder app last week.  I had two hits, but they both turned out to be fake.  This morning I got another hit, not fake.  Her name is Hillary.  I've been chatting with her all day, via the app.  She seems nice.  You can see her above.  Time will tell where this might go.  For now, at least we're chatting, and I like that.  Nothing ventured, right?
On my way home my car reached 70,000 miles.  Wow, in just over three years I've driven that little car 70,000 miles.  Doesn't seem at all possible.  In just over sixty days I'll be going up the coast again.  The best and most fulfilling miles have been up that central coast.  And yet those miles probably don't even account for much more than 5% of the miles I've driven.  Mostly it's been to work.  I am certainly not my work.  I need a change.  I need to find a better job.  A full-time job, not this part time bullshit.  Gotta start looking.

Sat, Sept 6, Today was a much needed day off.  My buddy and I planned on going down to Disneyland for a corn dog run.  We've been talking about it, but didn't do it until this week.  Mainly because this past week sucked.  For me it was like so many shortened weeks, filled with a lot of drama.  What with the stuff with my Godmother, then DMV, and stupid stuff at Glendale job.  I needed something yummy to eat.
I picked up my buddy and battled moderate traffic to Disneyland.  When we arrived the parking booth guy says to me, "Your pass isn't valid."  Fucking shit!  Every time I renew my pass the first time I go back to the park is always drama.  This time again my pass wasn't "valid."  What I don't get is that I pay for a pass that lasts a year.  I bought it initially on September 15th.  So if I didn't renew it it would be good until September 15th of this year.  But I went ahead and renewed it, and of course that suddenly invalidates it somehow.  Because paying early makes it not good until Sept 15th, somehow?  This happens to me EVERY fucking year.  After going to the ticket booth to short things out I FINALLY got into the park.  I bought the dogs and quickly came out to meet up with my buddy, who doesn't have a pass.  The dogs were fucking awesome, as always.
We ended the night by going back to my place, drinking half a bottle of Maker's, and not ending the night until 2am.  I tried to jerk off, but passed out naked in my chair.  I woke up a couple of hours later, put my PJs on, and went to bed.  All-in-all a much needed good day.  My buddy got to met who I call MicroManager Jr.  ARGH, this woman is the worst.  She's been out because of an injury, but her worker's comp ran out and she has to return to work.  Her bad attitude, cultivated under the tutelage of Micro, has made her one of the worst people to have to deal with at work.  MicroManager is terrible, and seems to enjoy being a terror, and so does Junior.  I warned my buddy about her, and of course he went on to confirm everything I warned him about.  She's awful.

Sun, Sept 7, I woke up from my night of drinking with my buddy having experienced a strange dream.  I dreamt that I ran into Malpartida.  She was gushing and super happy to see me again after so many years.  She wanted to rekindle our friendship.  There aren't many details to talk about.  Mainly just her coming into a restaurant I was sitting in, apparently working there, and she comes up and tells me that she wanted to be friends again.  What the dream means, this I don't know.  Perhaps it was wishful thinking.  Not sure about the timing either.  I don't actively have Malpartida on my mind.  I have TheDesire.  She's coming back this week, and stupid old me wants to try and hang out with her again.  It's a dead-end, I'm sure.
Work was work.  It's so fucking hot outside that being inside the library is nice.  We were busy today.  I haven't worked on a Sunday in three weeks.  After work I was starving.  I filled the gas tank and then I went to get some food.  I feel so fat these days.  My knee has been hurting lately, and I think it's in no small part to the fact that I'm overweight.  I want to start walking on Sunday mornings, but it's so fucking hot out.  Perhaps once the temperatures go down I'll be able to wake up a little earlier on a Sunday and walk around the neighborhood.  I need to get this weight off me.  Of course, drinking as much as I do has packed on the pounds as well.  I'll have to cut down as well.  Same with soda.  I drink my tea, but I've also been drinking a lot more soda.
My aunt came in my room about a half hour ago to ask me about a couple of things.  She also mentioned that she heard there was an earthquake felt in Hollywood.  I go online as soon as she leaves my room and I check to see if there was a quake.  There wasn't an earthquake in Hollywood, it was in Piru.  I mean come on, that's not even close.  I just wonder what is going on inside my Aunt's mind whens he says something like that.  I even asked her, "What do you want me to do?"  Nothing to do.
I was just finishing this entry up when I decided to go get a drink.  My aunt busts out of her room, eyes shut because she was asleep, asking me "Did the fire insurance bill come in yet?"  Ah, not in the middle of the night it didn't.  And certainly not today, Sunday!  I told her, "Why are you worrying about that at this hour?"  She says that it popped into her head.  ARGH!  I'm not saying don't worry, but how does worrying at 11pm about something you can't do anything about help anyone?  It doesn't.  I don't understand how in my forties now I am more mellow and worry about fewer things, and she's nearly seventy and still hasn't mellowed out.  My aunt makes me drink.
Forgot to mention that that woman from Tinder didn't contact me today, at all.  I know she was online, but she's been quiet.  I sent her a message saying that perhaps we should "take this to the next level," and I included my phone number.  Guess it's too soon.  Oh well.

Tue, Sept 9, Today is TheGirl's birthday.  Chan and I get to celebrate it with her tomorrow.  The picture above is a pseudo e-card that I made in celebration of her birthday.  She went to dinner with her family.  If I wasn't the cad that broke up her marriage I may have been able to go.  But, I'm sure TheChisel had a good time tonight.  I told myself that I wasn't going to check up on TheGirl on weekends any more.  All I ever get is a belly full of grief, because she's with TheChisel What she does on her weekends is her business.
TheGirl's reaction to the picture was nice.  Here's our email exchange on the subject.  Her first response is after I sent her the picture.

TheGirl: Aww... I've got tears in my eyes. Thank you.
Me: In tears?
TheGirl: The picture is very touching

In other news, today that girl I've been talking to since earlier in the week, the one that last night finally responded to me.  She cut our conversation off.  On the dating app I was using there's no way to connect after a person disconnects.  So, she's gone.  My buddy said, "Good riddance."  But, it was nice to think that there was the possibility there.  Typical ending for me.  I really should just give up on this women shit.
At work some dummy patron tried to get me in trouble.  However!  I had the rules on my side.  She came up to the computer desk upstairs demanding a temporary card.  I told her we don't have any.  She responded by telling me she got one the day before.  Well, I said, that person is breaking the rules.  And with that she turned around and went to the administration office.  When she got there one of the administrative assistants called me to ask about the problem.  I told him we don't have temp cards, and since he knows me to be trustworthy he told her the same thing.  She had to go downstairs and get herself a card.  Ha!  I won, a very small victory.  Fucking shit!

Wed, Sept 10, Started the new "semester" of my computer class.  This time I went with the full visual aid thing.  I used my iTouch to create and then show a bunch of slides on the Apple version of Powerpoint, known as Keynote.  The first class went well.  I still don't have all the slides for the next class ready, but I will by the time next week comes along.  I just have to stay one class ahead.
After class I drove down to a nearby Marie Callender's for some food.  The family wants to take me to Marie's for my birthday celebration on Saturday.  That got me thinking of checking out the menu.  That in turn made me crave something I saw on the menu, a pair of meat loaf sliders.  They were OK.  Nothing to write home about.  On Saturday I plan on getting a Frisco burger, for sure.  The Works one, which has BACON!  Woo!  Can't wait.  After lunch I went and took my now traditional Wednesday nap.  But not after talking to my buddy about him losing an hour at work.  Later I checked my Glendale email and found that MicroManager cut an hour off of my schedule on Friday.  Before I told him that I had lost an hour too he was wondering if his losing of an hour was personal.  We now know it's not.
I woke up from my nap feeling ten times more tired than when I started it.  I read an article a while back that claimed taking naps that are longer than fifteen minutes only make a person more tired.  I think they're right.  From now on I'll set an alarm for fifteen minutes, tops.  I went into work tired.  And as if on cue the onslaught started right away.  First there was a passport.  Then there was a passport photo.  Then a bunch of patrons needed me.  One of them was cute though.  She thankfully came during the end of the hectic times.  She's a semi-regular (pictured above).  I used to see her more often about three years ago, then she suddenly stopped coming in.  I would see her once in a while, but not on a regular basis.  I saw her something like three months ago, by my bad dead reckoning.  She mentioned she was going to school, and that she might come around more often.  She was definitely flirty.  I remember she was like that when she was a regular.  I hope she becomes a regular, and that she's single.  Oh, and most importantly... I hope I get some balls and ask her out.  I really need some pussy.  It's getting to be ridiculous.
Finally work ended and I went over to TheGirl's for dinner.  I gave her her birthday card and gift.  she loved them both.  I drank like a fiend.  We didn't talk about too many topics, mainly work.  I bought her an iTouch so she can monitor her place and her dog remotely.  We'll have to set it up at a later date, but she was quite happy.

Thur, Sept 11, I know to some people the events of thirteen years ago are still fresh and still hurt.  But I hate to say that today was just another Thursday for me.  To be fair, I didn't lose anyone on that day.  I had my own drama that I was dealing with that day, my Grandmother being sick.  That was the first time cancer became a possibility.  It wasn't just a possibility, it would later turn out to be a reality.  I digress.
The route today was chill, but not super chill since it was hot.  It's been worse, so today wasn't so hard to deal with.  Interesting stuff on the route was chatting up this one cute Armeanie.  Aside from that the route was pretty standard.
But then I came back to home base and low and behold TheDesire was on the reference desk.  Ahhhhh!  She is so nice.  She looked so pretty.  My day was made.  One of my coworkers joked that my smile became twice as big after seeing her.  They weren't kidding.  She sends me aflutter.  I later texted her, something I told myself I wouldn't do.  But, she was chatty on text.  Told me how she went on a silent retreat, and how she had to meditate for eleven hours a day.  Eleven really is a big number in her life.  I like to think that the frequency of my dealings with the number eleven means something, but that's wishful thinking.  Still, I can't let go of the idea of being with her.  Of winning her over, somehow.  I think we would be good together.  But of course I would.  She ended the conversation with the following exchange after mentioning how the retreat involved a lot of Buddhist philosophy.

Me: I would think so - the idea of introspection is a big idea in Buddhism
TheDesire: LOL that's why we had to meditate for freakin' 11 hours a day
Me: that's nuts - but you did it, right?
TheDesire: yup... at times it was definitely hard but yes I did it
Me: I can't imagine meditating for that long - good job - are you going to continue meditating
TheDesire: yes... I'm supposed to do it for 2 hours every day.  One in the morning and one in the evening.  I don't think I'll do that ... but I will do it once a day.  It's still a learning process since I don't think I'm doing it correctly though
Me: is there an absolute way to do it?
TheDesire: there is no such thing as absolute!!!!  In life and all :(
Me: No..

I wanted to tell her that there was ONE absolute... death.  I hesitated because that would have brought her down.  Another absolute would be loving her forever if she would let me.  I had that plan with TheGirl, but it didn't work out.  I don't go into a relationship thinking it's going to last only a few months.  Well, I should clarify that, I do think that now.  But when I was with TheGirl the thought of us not being together for the next thirty years never entered my life.  As it was, it wasn't even thirty months.  Nevertheless, I want to try with TheDesire.  That's too much to ask for though.  I like to think that she lit up when she saw me today.  I know I saw her face open up a bit.  I wish she would give me a chance.  That's all I can ask for, all I expect.
I forgot to mention that the above photo contains some of my number eleven encounters over the last couple of weeks.  Again, I don't think it's a sign, but I'd like to think these sightings are a sign.  The first one is of the parking spot when I went to Santa Barbara.  The next one was from two days later, when I went to eat at My Taco with my aunt and Godmother.  The next one was the total for my meal at Carl's right after work this past Sunday.  I know, I know, coincidence coupled with a hyper sensitivity to the number eleven.  What about all the other times when the number was something else, right?  As I said, it's wishful thinking, just like it's wishful thinking that she thought of me on her retreat.  I'm sure I didn't even come to mind.

Fri, Sept 12, I was asked to start work at 11am today.  More budget cuts.  Also, all the full time workers were going to be there today, and one of them was this girl that's been gone for months.  She now has to take a bunch of the tasks.  Leaving less for me to do on Fridays.  Hence me starting at 11am.  It was also strange because my lunch was at noon.  My supervisor asked if I wanted to start at noon and not have a lunch.  I knew that would be killer, because my stomach needs food.  So, I agreed to this silly schedule today.  Work was brutal, even though I was working two hours less than I normally do.  It felt like an entire shift squeezed into a smaller space.  I was tired.
When I got off I stuck around because there was going to be a special screening of a Star Trek TOS episode, followed by a new episode that was kinda a sequel to that episode.  A sequel made recently.  I walked into the auditorium and settled in to take a few pictures.  A gorgeous red head walked by.  I thought, I best get to know her.  But, of course as it must be in all these things, the girl was engaged to one of the hosts for the evening.  Of course!  Fucking shit.  Soon as I put a bead on some girl she's already joined at the hip to a guy.  Which brings me to the other thing on photo above.  Tinder.  I went to the app this morning and what I got was a message saying there was no one new around me.  What it should have said it, you're going to die alone.  And really I know this.  Even if I found someone, that relationship is pretty much guaranteed to fail.  All of my other relationships have failed.  Even the good ones.  And the farther I get into this life the more stuck in my ways I become.  Not to say that I'm inflexible, just to say that I like things a certain way.  Also, I have a HUGE crush on TheDesire, and my focus has been on her.  I like to think that finding someone on this app will draw me away, but I can't be sure.  Not that I'm trying to sabotage anything before it happened, I'm just saying this to let you, the reader, know that it's a thought in my head.
Back to the event, for a moment.  I started watching the episode, but my tired legs reminded me that I should just best go home and get some dinner.  I talked to my buddy Dane, but his antics rubbed me the wrong way tonight.  I didn't want to hear his same joke when I say that I'm tired.  I say I'm tired and he says I thought you were Eric.  I mean that's funny once in a while, not every time I say I'm tired.  I'm tired of hearing that tired joke about me being tired.  OK?  I usually drop him off on Fridays at a local park, but today I just told him I was in pain and had to go.  Didn't offer him ride.  I got home and drank like a fish, when the coast was clear.  I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 2am.

Sat, Sept 13, Not much to report today.  The family took me to lunch at Marie Calendar's.  It was good because we didn't have to suffer in the heat of my house, and because it was short.  After the celebration my aunt and I returned home.  I wanted to pass out, but I ended up working on my photo indexing project.  Now I'm just sitting here, wanting to eat something.  Nothing we have in the house appeals to me, so I'm just going to sit here and not eat.  It's probably a better idea than eating a lot, because I am chubs.  I mean I have packed on the weight recently.  I've been eating some good food, and of course it's been packing on the pounds, because I'm also sedentary.  I fall asleep at the drop of a hat.  I drink at least three days a week on an average week.  I want to walk on Sundays around my neighborhood, because at least walking one day a week will help.  However, it's been hot as blazes, and I don't want to wake up early.  I'm going to have to force myself to wake up early though.  I don't want to continue packing on the pounds.  I've been "fat" in my life, but this might be the most weight I'm carrying.

Sun, Sept 14, Work was a little more hectic than usual.  There was a library full of people studying and trying to get out of the heat, and there was an author event.  That was enough to make today a little more busy than normal.  The author event went well.  Just a slight glitch with a video playing slow.  The library's internet is super slow.  There was a really pretty blonde at the event.  I wish I had the chance to talk to her.  I bought myself dinner after work, and then went home and talked to my buddy on the phone.  Then bed.  Nothing special.

Mon, Sept 15, The morning was chill.  Most of the drama came from my buddy telling me that he lost another hour at work.  I think he's down to twenty hours a week.  Which is bullshit.  I'm making it with the same amount because I also have another job.  I didn't know what to tell him, he's hopping made.  It sucks because one day a week he drives all the way from the Valley into Glendale just to work a four hour shift.  That's major bullshit.  I work two four hour shifts, but I also go to my other job those days.  So it fills the day up.  I don't know what to tell him to fix this.
It's SO fucking hot today.  I feel that this is probably the last of the really horrid heat for this year.  Summer is nearly over, the last little bit of Summer always brings the hottest temperatures here in town.  When I'm at work it's no problem, since work has A/C, but when I go home it's like stepping into an oven.  Even putting the box fan in the window to let in some of the outside air don't help, because the outside air is hot even at night.  Can't wait for later in the week.  The weather liars say it's going to cool off.  Not soon enough.
I was texting TheDesire today.  I saw her photo on the library's FB page (pictured above).  I think she's so damn cute.  ARGH, it's becoming agony to know her and to not be with her.  Nothing fare, but this feels somehow less fare than most things.  I wish she would just give me a legitimate chance to win her heart.  I think I'm more than half way there now.  When she smiles at me I see a brightness in her face.  I see her eyes hyper focus on me.  I see what I want, perhaps.  But even Vagabundo has said she has a reaction to seeing me.  If only.

Tue, Sept 16, It's Chan's third birthday today!  That little monkey has been a great addition to my life.  Work was kinda chill today, but of course the bosses seemed to sense that and have given me some extra stuff to work on.  Also, the time of the big fundraiser is coming up fast.  That means things are actually happening now.  Lots of things.  It's going to be a bumpy night.
Work news tonight.  The Monday and Tuesday driver was going to go on a mini vacation up to Big Sur in October.  My buddy was scheduled to work one of those route days, and I was supposed to drive the other.  My buddy thought he would do both days, but I had to keep it under my hat that I was going to drive the other.  Good thing I didn't spill the beans.  Now my buddy is none the wiser.  Also, the Monday and Tuesday driver might be leaving.  MicroManager told me that he wanted the city to hold his job for two years.  In the past the city would hold your job for six months.  Not any more.  You walk away, you're done.  I'm going to ask the other driver for his side of the story.  That will give me the full story.
I got to see TheDesire at work today.  It's going to be a regular thing since her shift ends at 6pm on Mondays and Tuesdays.  I'm in the building during those times, so yeah!  I know it's wishful thinking, but when I see her look at me I think there's something there.  On Monday I mentioned to her that I wanted to go see a show at LACMA.  She said she would go with me.  But Sunday was the last day of the Van Gogh to Kandinsky exhibit.  Fuck!  Gotta find something else to invite her to.  Love her smile.  I dare say she likes me too.  But then the dark side of having TheDesire at Central is that two of my coworkers were egging me on to ask her out.  If they only knew.  One of them later apologized, but he's going to get his when I do go out with her.  I must find a way to make him eat his words.  The best solution is to win her over, which was my plan all along.  I really do like TheDesire.

Wed, Sept 17, I was born 43 years ago today.  I honestly can't believe it's been that long.  No one at work except Gil acknowledged that it was my birthday today, and that's how I wanted it.  I told the boss not to mention it in the weekly notes.  It was partially a test to see who would remember it was my birthday.  No one but the guy that has a crush on me.  Typical.  Work went kinda slow today.  But once out, I was free!
TheGirl told me that I would choose the place where we would have dinner tonight, since it's my special day.  I told her I wanted to go to Mo's in Toluca Lake.  I've been by that place for years, because the Bob's Big Boy is right across the street from it.  I've wanted to try it since the days when Los Angeles Magazine said it had one of the best burgers in town.  I think those days are long in its past, but it was still a good burger.  I've had better.  I will say that they didn't skimp on the booze in my Manhattan.  TheGirl said that it was a pleasure to have me as her friend.  I saw a girl from TV sitting at one of the other tables.  I can't remember her name though.  She's pretty.  She walked out with a strut in her step.  After dinner TheGirl walked her dog, while I stayed at her place resting up.  I nearly fell asleep.  This celebration with TheGirl was more understated than previous celebrations.  It was nice though.  She gave be tequila for a gift.  Kinda glad this birthday thing is over and done with.  But, kinda not.

Thur, Sept 18, The route today was chill, but having to work both jobs today really took it out of me.  On the route I saw that one girl up at Brand that I like.  She's gotten heavier, but man do I just want to fuck her brains out.  I look at her breast and I get so hard.  I look at her huge butt and love the shape.  She just does it for me.  I didn't remind her about the Carmel trip.  I want to fuck her, but I don't want to travel with her.  I want this trip to be about me.  I don't want to share it with anyone but Chan.  I asked for an extra day off for the trip.  Now I have to call the hotel and find out if they have a room for that Monday.  If they don't I might just ask to work that Monday when I come back.  I really want to extend the trip by that one day.  It may not seem like much, but it gives me a chance to not have to pack everything I want to do in one whole day.  This way I could have two whole days to do things.
Job two was chill.  Nothing really to report.  I didn't do anything, just sat there looking up sites.  I met H's new beau.  He seemed nice, a little weird in the eyes.  Ne has crossed eyes, slightly but enough that I noticed.  Didn't say much, H and I mostly talked.  She seems happy, and that's what counts.  I saw TheDesire at Glendale, but I didn't get a chance to interact with her at all.  It was fucked up.  She looks so pretty while she's on the desk.  I see her from farther away now that she's working here at Central.  At the branches, she's closer, no more than a few feet in front of me.  Now, I see her from about thirty feet away at times.  Closer others, when I'm passing by the reference desk.  She's so pretty.  She smiled at me the other day and I thought I would go through the roof.  I think I see some affection in her smile, but of course that is wishful thinking.  If it's there I like to think I'll know it, but I also deny it when I do see the evidence.  I guess it's because I know I already failed once, I don't want to fail again.  I do wish I could somehow win her over though.
I got home at 10pm.  I called my buddy to tell him the news about the other driver.  The other driver mentioned to me that a friend of him offered him a place to stay in Fresno for two years, while he's away.  He has to watch over the place, but he gets free room and board.  He just has to make sure certain things get done on the ranch.  The other driver wants to go, but the library would have to make some moves on his scheduled days to accommodate his new schedule.  I'm pretty sure MicroManager won't go for that.  The boss has to say something, but he won't, because he's spineless.  He lets MicroManager just do what she wants.

Fri, Sept 19, Work was kinda chill today, despite the fact that two hours into work I was sent to lunch.  I brought my lunch from home, but my coworker So-so wanted to buy me dinner since she found out yesterday that my birthday was on Wednesday.  Lunch was nice.  I tried not to eat like a man starved.  I had a shot of Jack.  It was good, and hit the spot.  I knew that it wasn't enough to last me past lunch, despite the fact that So-so was worried the bosses would smell it on me.  I knew I would not only be sober by the time lunch was over, but also that I was upstairs after lunch.  Thereby, bypassing the bosses entirely.  There isn't much to report about today.  After lunch I was upstairs for three out of the last five hours.  And the last hour I spent setting up for an event on Saturday.  I took it slow and still finished early.  After work I talked to Dane for a bit.  I dropped him off and went home.  I had my packed lunch for dinner, and now I'm writing this.  Pretty whatever day.
The picture above is of my coworkers from last Friday.  They went to Disneyland for a thing called Dapper Day.  They like that kind of stuff.  I was supposed to go but I was too tired after work.  They made it on a video of a guy that I recently discovered.  He has some cool videos about Disneyland.  Because of him I was able to find the last ticket booth from the old days when they still took coupons for the rides.  I was also able to impress TheGirl with the knowledge of the two so-called "poop doors" in the park.  I'd like to meet the guy that makes the video some day, if only to tell him I like his work.  It wouldn't be the first time I would meet someone from online.  There's a girl that makes video updates on things going on in the parks.  I met her a couple of years ago in the park, as she worked.  It was cool.

Sat, Sept 20, I wanted to sleep in this morning, but a couple of weeks ago I told myself that I would go to Disneyland this morning.  My car needed servicing, but I figured it could wait another week, and I would go to Disneyland today.  Well, in the process of scheduling the oil change the website was being uncooperative.  I tried going on my phone, and finally got on the mobile site to make the appointment.  Well, I made the appointment for the wrong day, and instead of next week I made it for this week.  Dummy me.
I woke up early, took a shower and flew out the door.  The dealer's waiting room was nice.  They fixed it up.  Last time I was there they were in the middle of doing it, and now it's done.  The wait wasn't long, and I was out of there quick.  I wanted to get some breakfast.  I looked on my phone for some place.  I found one that looked good, but stupid me didn't plot out the route before jumping into the car and racing down the street.  I pulled over to check where this place was.  It was in the opposite direction. I didn't feel like doubling back.  I went to Carl's Jr.  After breakfast I wanted to go to Burbank to see some display at a local comic shop.  They have an exhibit inspired by the Museum of the Weird concept that eventually became the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland.  I decided I could go next week, since the exhibit runs until next Sunday.  I didn't want to go straight home though.  What with my twenty question aunt at home.  I decided to drive up to Mulholland and drive it back to my house.  I drove up and just at the start of Mulholland I turned onto the Hollywood Bowl overlook.  I figured it was a nice spot to just look over my city.  I didn't expect that the place was packed with tourist vans filled with sightseers.  I ended up having a great time just watching them.
Everyone lined up to take a picture of the downtown Los Angeles skyline.  Funny though, I doubt many of the same tourist ever visit downtown.  Why would they, right?  There's a saying that Los Angeles is the most beautiful city in the world, when seen from afar.  I think that's why people come up to the overlook, and the Griffith Observatory.  These places offer us all a look at the city without having to really see the details.  I heard a woman tell her friend, "That's Hollywood, and over there is Santa Monica, and beyond that is Malibu."  It's all so easy to take in when you're looking from above.  It's like looking at a huge model.  It doesn't looked lived in. It's out there, not in your face.  A woman looked over the city and said, "To think, we're seeing the population of New Zealand right there."  We who live in this city often forget how huge it is.  We reside in our little corner of the city and often don't venture very far.  I've decided that I need to be a tourist in my own town.  To see it all.  From Chatsworth to San Pedro.  It's a great city.  The city for the next five hundred years, I once wrote in my notes for a novel that, "That isn't actually a good thing.  Unless you count this notion that Los Angeles is the most human of cities.  Which again, isn't always a good thing."

Sun, Sept 21, Work today was a little busy.  Nothing the Sunday bunch can't handle.  After work I decided to treat myself to some yummy food.  It's the end of my birthday week and I decided I should treat myself to a nice meal.  So, instead of heading straight home I wondered where I should go to get some food.  I thought of the restaurant that I've been driving by for nearly seven years that's in Pasadena.  It's good food, I'm sure, but I'll save that for another day.  Tonight I took myself to Disneyland for some dinner.  I went to Hungry Bear, and had a special burger.  During different holiday seasons the park will offer special food.  Tonight's burger was a special Halloween burger that had blue cheese, caramelized onions, and arugula.  It was tasty.  I walked around the park for a bit, but it was the period of time between the parade and the fireworks.  So I just went home.  I didn't want to make it a late night anyway.  Still, it was a nice little trip to Disneyland.  I'll be there next week as well, with TheGirl.

Mon, Sept 22, The big news of the day is that one of the other drivers at Glendale told me today that he might quit soon.  Crazy to think of the implications of that move.

Tue, Sept 23, Today I got to hang the banner at my SM job.  The banner is for the big fundraiser coming up. It's just the first of many details that they'll have me working on.  It was hot, so placing the banner was hard because of that.  Still, it was done, and it's relatively straight.  Ha!
I tried texting TheDesire to see if she wanted to go to the museum with me, but she said that she rather not go to a museum.  She rather do something fun.  Museums are fun, for me, but I know they're not fun for everyone.  I just like looking at the art.  She wants to do something else.  I thought about throwing a dinner invite her way, but what is that going to do?  It's just going to be the same old pattern as before.  I don't want to restart that bullshit.  I want her to reciprocate, but that's like wishing for the moon at this point.  Not going to happen.  I'm fixated on her.  I'm hyper focusing on her because there's no one else in my life, and no one on the horizon.  I have been joking around with my buddy about asking this one girl from the library that's kinda nice.  She's one of the branch managers.  She blonde, tall, and attractive.  I like her anyway.  She's also kinda standoffish.  Making a move on her is a not going to be easy.
My buddy was taking some shit on Monday because of a problem with the register receipt.  See, on Sundays it's just a skeleton crew, so they're out there on their own against the mob of people.  Sometimes things get really hairy and things don't get done the right way.  On Monday the crew was counting the money and noticed that there was a credit receipt missing.  MicroManager wanted to blame Vagabundo, and I know this because my coworker heard them talking about him.  They even asked him.  He had no knowledge, but after the beating he took in the questioning he started to wonder if he had made the mistake.  Tonight the real culprit was found out, it was a girl that works with Vagabundo.  She didn't get the lashing he did.  They just asked her if she remembered the name of the patron.  That's it!  No tongue lashing.  I told all this to Vagabundo, and it confirms to him that they just don't like him.  I wouldn't go that far.  They just wanted to get him on something.  Then again, you might say that they wanted that because they don't like him.  Either way, their witch hunt resulted in him not being guilty.  Ha!

Wed, Sept 24, Today I had lunch with the woman pictured above.  I've been having lunch with her off and on for the last few years.  I think she's cute.  I would like to sleep with her, but she's married.  No way I can go there again.  Or can I? She's the one that keeps asking me out to lunch.  I don't want to believe that her invites mean that she wants to sleep with me.  I mean, I do and I don't.  She friended me on FB today.  She's been mentioning her husband's "situation" a lot lately, but doesn't actually tell me what it all means.  We had lunch, then we went and bought some frozen yogurt.  Then we bolted back to the library, because she had to go back and pick up her kid.  I mean look at the situation.  She's having a little lunch thing with me and then flying off to her life.  It kinda sucks.  As I said before, I do find her attractive.  I do want to sleep with her.  It's been too long.

Thur, Sept 25, Route day, and despite the heat and some little extra things I had to do today while on the route, the entire thing was pretty chill.  Not TOO many books, not too many tasks.  But it was an interesting day.  I've been drinking, so it's hard to remember the exact moment I asked this request.  However, I do remember that some time last night before going to bed that I asked the Universe to, "Give me one more chance," with TheDesire.  A legitimate chance.  I think what I asked specifically was to have her give me a chance to win her over.  I don't know if I'm up to the that, but I'm sure going to try.  I dare say that I love her.
TheDesire texted me (shown above) about a book that she checked out and wanted to share with me.  I've been sending her "daily affirmations" from a website run by that Dyer guy.  She likes him, and listens to him.  I, a cad and a opportunist, have used that knowledge to win her over.  Since last month I've been sending her affirmations from his website.  It's worked to break the ice with her, and continue to have her remember that I exist.  Today she gave me an audio book that she thinks I want.  I'll listen to it.  Perhaps there's something there I can use.  It's a connection to her, and that's good enough for me.  I somehow must win her over.  I somehow have to show her, but sheer will perhaps, but I'm the man for her.  I wish her to be my everything.  Simple as that.

Fri, Sept 26, Today was just a long day on the desk.  Of the seven hours I worked today, six of them were spent on the circulation desk.  The good thing, was that I had lunch late, which meant the second half of the shift went faster.  Not super fast, mind you, but faster.  They had me run the credit card machine to make sure that I know how to do it.  I fucking know how to do it!  It wasn't even me that forgot to enter it into the register.  They already know who it was.  Why punish me?  It's idiotic, and shows their hand.  In short, they're stupid.
Junior worked with me on the desk for nearly an hour.  She couldn't resist asking me about TheGirl.  Asked me if I was still seeing her.  I told her I hang out with her once in a while.  She mentioned she's going to Disneyland on Sunday, exact same day I'm going with TheGirl.  Fucking shit.  I told TheGirl we might bump into her.  She said, "It's a big place."  Yeah, right.  So big I already ran into Junior there before when I was going there pretty regular with T.  She thought T and I were dating.  It gave me some cred, and I used our chance meeting to my advantage.  Today too.  Vipers, just a den full of vipers.

Sat, Sept 27, Today my plan was to get some errands done and then have drinks with my buddy.  I slept in this morning, ate late, showered late.  I went and got my hair cut, and then went to the market to buy some things.  Then I went with my buddy for some food.  We returned home and drank like fishes.  I was at an 12 out of 10.  I mean I was flying.  I'm surprised I didn't pass out and die.  I did pass out, but only for a few minutes.  My buddy showed me the few pictures he took while up in SLO three weeks ago.  He can't believe it's been that long.  My trip up to Carmel is forty days away.

Sun, Sept 28, I played hooky from work today and went to Disneyland with TheGirl and her dog.  She wanted to see how her dog would like going to Disneyland and staying in their kennel.  Her dog didn't like it all that much.  Next time she thinks she'll just leave her dog at home.  It was a tiring day, mainly because I was still dealing with the effects of last night's drinking.  Oh man, I woke up at 6:30am with a horrible headache.  I took a couple of pills and went back to bed.  I took me nearly an hour to get relief and fall back to sleep.  I got up an hour late and felt much better.  I showered, ate some breakfast, and then bolted over to TheGirl's.  We arrived at Disneyland a little before noon.  What with the paperwork for the dog, and setting her up, we didn't get into the park until a little after noon.  We went straight to the Haunted Mansion to get a fast pass, and saw that all of them had been issued.  It was stand-by line, but first we wanted to get something to eat.  After we got some food we stood in line for the Haunted Mansion.  It was great!
We finished off the day having some yummy food at Jolly Holiday, then quickly looking at the stores for some wine glasses that TheChisel broke.  We didn't find them, and TheGirl just wanted to go pick up her dog.  I was so tired from today and last night that I was fighting to stay awake on the way home.  My coworker T told me that she was having a horrible day at work.  Seems to me that things go to pot whenever I'm not at work.  T said that my sub is pretty helpless.  No Sundays off for a while.  Probably not until my Carmel trip in November.  Lastly, since I nearly forgot.  TheGirl mentioned that her dog didn't really like being in the kennel.  Not that they treated her badly, but TheGirl could tell that the poor dog was just lonely and felt abandoned.

Mon, Sept 29, Going back to work after a long weekend, for me, was tough.  Especially after visiting Disneyland yesterday.  Also, I just feel so tired these days.  I know I'm burning the candle at both ends, but still.  Work wasn't anything special today.  I did get an email today that had a good news that a patron, for once, didn't complain about me.  The guy was someone I helped on Friday.  He wrote a nice comment and turned it in.  The bosses saw that and sent the following email.

Topic/nature: Eric (up front) and Julia really directed me well - both saved me so much time.  Great attitudes and people.
Action to be taken: Their salaries tripled?

The boss later wrote an email that said, "I wish we could triple your salaries!  Nice job!"  I'm certainly not going to get that salary increase, but at least it's nice to be acknowledged. 

Tue, Sept 30, The last day of the month brought another opportunity to show my photography.  As you can see above, the photos are on display.  The photo on the top is the one I bought for TheDesire's birthday, way back in March.  I've had it in my room all this time.  I've wanted to hang it, but I don't have room on my walls.  I put it up partially to have TheDesire see it.  I want her to mention it to me.  I want to be able to tell her, "That's the one I got for your birthday.  It's yours."  I may not say that last part.  Still, it's just another angle I'm playing to win her over.  The photo in the bottom left is significant too since it's the photo that helped TheGirl and I to hook up.
At San Marino my pseudo supervisor, TheChan, was bitching about how long it has taken the circ. manager to set up the printer.  I went down there today and assembled the base.  It took longer to get it out of the shipping material.  Total time, twenty-five minutes.  I couldn't take the printer and place it on top of the base, because that thing weights about 200 pounds.  I did win brownie points from boss and pseudo boss.  Woo!  I'm on a roll!