It's already April.  Actually, when I write this it's already May.  I can say that the days have been pretty good, and they haven't flown by super fast.  I've been pretty active this year, and April is no exception.  On to the update.

April 1, Not much to report about today.  The boss at San Marino told me that she wants me to start moving in and doing some of the things that Stash used to do with the foundation.  In short, I'm the new Stash.  Tonight was chill at my evening work.  The librarian wasn't there, so I was able to get things done, ironically when she's around she gives me busy work and actually distracts me from real work, like checking in books and such.  I've felt an indifference from her for while now.  She did tell me a little while back that she values me working there, so I have to take that at face value and just consider her aloofness to be a product of her personality rather than a personal slight towards me.
It rained last night and this morning was so picture perfect (as you can see above).  I keep talking myself into and out of this novel thing.  But after hearing my buddy talk about driving through Big Sur I REALLY want to fucking just write this thing.  I have to remember that it is a marathon, and I won't have a book in a weekend.
In crazy news, today they found a body in the wash by TheGirl's place.  I mean like no more than 1,000 feet away someone dumped a body in the the wash.  The news vans were out when I drove home.  Crazy shit!

April 2, One of my coworkers is essentially leaving the job.  He has two other jobs, and has told San Marino that he can only come on once every other Saturday.  When they promoted me they knew that one day, and soon, he would tell them that he had another job.  They thought it would be a librarian job since he has his degree now.  It didn't turn out to be that, but he's leaving anyway.  Today was his last full week at the library.  They already told me I will be doing his job.
After my extra long shift on the reference desk, which started at noon and went until 6pm, I bolted to my buddy Vagabundo to have some yummy tacos for dinner.  Also to pick up a pie that he bought for me from Linn's in Cambria.  My usual dinner with TheGirl is postponed until Friday because she has some Boxer Rescue event she had to attend.  I fucking hate that boxer rescue shit, because it's something she started doing with TheChisel.  Anything that reminds me of TheChisel makes me fucking wretch. 
I'll know tomorrow if my latest entries to a photo contest made the cut.  I won't be able to make the reception in Carmel, unless I'm nuts and drive up Saturday and drive down super early Sunday morning in time for work.  The best change I have to see my prints is if I stopped by when coming down from San Francisco.

April 3, Today was such a non-day on the route that even my buddy, Vagabundo, mentioned how it was such a non-day.  But that's good, after so many weeks of having SO many extra things to do it was nice to finally just get a day where everything ran pretty much normal.  The both of us were tired.  I went to sleep late last night, after drinking a little gin and tonic and jerking off.  I only got a few moments with TheDesire today.  I checked out her ass as I walked into the branch.  It's a little big, but man I still desire her.  Duh!  I had a crazy thought that the next time I hang out with her I should just kiss her and tell her that I'm in love with her.  Fuck, that's a stupid move.  But it is perhaps the last chance I have to win her over.  The thought of whether I really want to win her over comes to mind right now.  She's very damaged.  As my buddy points out, that seems to be my type of woman.  Yeah, he is right when it comes to that.  Fuck!  I hate to say it, but the more wounded she is the more I care about her.  The lesson for this week though, is to not care.  Not care at all.

April 4, I figured that perhaps the Carmel contest had a lot of entries and they were weighing what was better, which is why they didn't email me yesterday like they said they would.  But, I suspect that the reality is that my work didn't make the cut... again.  They only emailed the winners, not everyone as the stated on the website.  Here's the quote DIRECTLY from their website, "we will be notifying everyone who has submitted by the end of the day on April 3rd 2014."  Oh well.  I'll just shut up about all this.
Work today beat me up.  Not that there was so much to do, but I just got tired.  MicroManager left early, so after my lunch things were super chill in the office.  Another coworker and I were talking about how SHE is the factor that brings that office down.  Her direct actions cause everyone to flinch, and be under stress.  So it was strange to see her go so early in the day.  Strange, but a pleasant surprise.
After work, I meet up with TheGirl and had a HUGE meal at Pinocchio's in Burbank.  The place has pretty good Italian food.  I've had better.  Tonight I wanted to have the gnocchi, which I last had at dinner with my coworkers about two or three months ago.  THAT gnocchi was awesome.  Tonight's not so much.  It was good, but the sausage and peppers really made the meal.  The bread too.  During dinner TheGirl and her daughter started talking about Vegas stuff, and how the guy she is relying to find a job for her was playing email tag.  She finally emailed him to say that she was going to call him at a certain time.  She placated her, but honestly I don't see him doing much more than maybe shuffling her resume to some people he knows.  Also, he did try to get out of it by saying that he only works with certain kind of assistants, like big wig assistants.  In a way saying don't hold your breath.  What I realized tonight was that TheGirl and I have less to talk about since we don't see each other as much.  She has her Boxer thing that of course I want nothing to do with.  That's a THING she does/did/does with TheChisel.  That's not me.  Also, the main subject that I talk about with my friends is TheDesire.  I CAN'T talk to TheGirl about her.  I can just imagine telling TheGirl, oh yeah, TheDesire is down and I have only become more attracted to her because she's wounded.  And you know how I love wounded girls.  Yeah, that will go over quite well.  Still, dinner was nice.
I came home, decided to finally watch La Grande Belleza on my new Roku stink thingie.  I bought it so I could watch some of this stuff on my TV without the slow down that I've been experiencing with my computer.  I still use the computer for most things, and will continue.  But it's nice to have a device that doesn't stop in the middle of a scene and then jump ahead two minutes.  I don't get the hype about this movie.  It wasn't very good.  It wasn't photographed beautifully like I was told.  It was OK, but nothing rising to the level of even saying it was good.  Fucking bullshit.  Everything these days just sucks dick.  Nothing ever lives up to the hype.  Nothing is ever as good as it can be.  I'm tired of this shit.

April 5, I FINALLY got my answer about the photo contest.  I didn't make the cut.  Above are the top four winners.  My work doesn't merit even an honorable mention.  I'm not saying that the work that won is bad.  But my question is why did the stipulations for the contest state that the photos had to be of Big Sur specifically?  Three of the photos could have been taking anywhere.  Nothing about them say "Big Sur" to me.  This is the story of my life.  I work hard to make the best possible photograph that I can make and someone comes along and makes something that takes such a little effort and blows past me.  It's not just unfair, it shows me that trying might not be worth it to keep entering these contests.  It's fucking shit!

popcorn, corn dog, balloons and booze, oh my!

After having a fit about the photos, jerking off and having breakfast, I headed out to Disneyland to meet T.  She insisted I go to Disneyland today.  I was willing, but didn't want to get a late start.  She suddenly remembered last night that she had a shower to attend.  She didn't arrive until 6pm, with my coworker Stash.  Before they arrived I did my best to, not waste my time, but wait for them to show up.  But it was kinda a waste, because all I did was eat food the entire time.  I didn't even get on any attractions, because I was waiting for T to show up.  She figured she would show up at 3, at the latest.  Meanwhile I made the best of it and had a Disneyland food festival.  I started out with popcorn.  Followed that up with a corn dog.  Then I had a churro.  I wanted to have a Dole whip, but I didn't want to wait in line.  After walking around I was tired, so I moved over to DCA and went to the Carthay circle bar for what turned out to be three cocktails.  T and stash finally arrived, I had dinner with them.  We walked around downtown Disney, since Stash doesn't have a pass to get into Disneyland.  At the end of the night T was drilling Stash about his seemingly failing relationship.  He didn't seem too happy at that point.  Lastly, Stash is pretty much leaving San Marino behind.  He is working two other jobs, and doesn't have the time to work at SM any more.  Tonight was that moment when he says he won't be around to have the work moments that have been the hallmark of our group's history together.  This core group has been around since just before I showed up.  Stash has been a stand-up guy.  We have become good work friends.  I like his company, and do wish him the best.  We will still keep in touch, of course.  And he's not totally gone, since he'll be working every other Saturday.  But I know what he means.  After I left Ralph's things definitely changed.  Same thing with high school, college, and anything that ends.

April 6, Sunday are pretty chill on the desk at San Marino.  There are patrons that come in, but it's not that busy.  Especially this week since it's the last day of Spring Break.  T and I talked a little more about her dating situation.  She's still hung up on her ex, and still hung up on Stash liking her.  She wants to get out there, but it's so difficult to get a date with a good person these days.  And then my side of the genders messes up nearly EVERY time.  Men are dumb, we all know that.  Woman are dumb in a different way.  Which is why our dumbness never overlaps.
I went to dinner with H and another coworker.  It's been so long since I've hung out with H.  She has a different school schedule, and that has thrown off the time we can hang out.  It was nice to be able to hang with H.  We all talked bout our failed relationships.  The food was good, the booze was weak sauce.  But I didn't mind, I had a great time.

April 8, Today and yesterday were both non-days.  I stupidly told my boss that I might be going over my hours, so she told me not to show up on Mondays.  Ha!  Good job, stupid.  I care too much.  My new pseudo supervisor told me that it's not my responsibility to make sure I don't go over hours.  But, stupid me told her I hate not being prepared.  What I really hate is having to deal with bullshit later.  Of course, that means I'll deal with bullshit now.  Going to Disneyland with T this Saturday.  I want to sleep-in, but T is nice to hang with.  Then I'm going to my buddy's birthday party.  Yeah, I need to take some booze with me.

April 9, My schedule has been pretty stable for a few months now.  Wednesdays I work the reference desk and then go to TheGirl's for dinner.  Today the schedule changed ever so slightly.  I had my first computer class of the Spring.  It went well.  Then I got to be on the reference desk all by myself.  The boss told me yesterday that I don't really need any one to hold my hand any more.  Now that Stash is gone I'm on the desk until 5:30.  Which pushes dinner with TheGirl back a little.  It was super chill my first solo desk run on a Wednesday.  For the last hour and a half I didn't have a single person come up to the desk and ask me a question.  Just how I like it.  Super chill.  One thing that changed is that since I start on the desk at 2pm I actually have time to have something for lunch.  Stash and I have been talking about going to a place called Red Hot Bus in Alhambra for some fish and chips.  Well, I figured since I had so much time between class and my shift that I would go and get me some fish and chips.  Because, truthfully I don't know when Stash is going to be free.  The fish and chips were super yummy.  On my way back to my car I noticed that there was a Rite Aid there on the corner.  It's been warm this week, so I bought the library some ice cream.  No on understood why I bought a bunch of ice cream, but that's OK.  I did it because I do love the people I work with.
Dinner with TheGirl was the same nice that it always is.  We had quite a few to drink, and I reiterated how I don't wish her to go to Las Vegas.  She told me that she's pretty much given up on going to Vegas, and that she's concentrating on finding a place to live here in El Valle.  While TheGirl heated dinner an email from Beverly Hills arrived on my phone telling me that I qualified for the job test.  By the end of the week I'll get an email that tells me how to set up a time for the test.

April 10, As has gotten to be the norm since I've been showing Vagabundo the ropes at work, we had a ton of extra work to do today.  Today it was in addition to the regular route: Vroman's, printing in Burbank, and the musical instruments for Saturday's event.  I feel that TheDesire is such an uphill battle that it's best for me to just quit trying.  BUT... of course as soon as I see her and I'm in her presence I feel different.  Today she asked me about going up to Big Sur, and I jumped on the opportunity.  I told her I could go up with her and her friend.  As I said it, "Any excuse to go up again."  And yeah, any excuse to also spend time away from work with TheDesire.  Perhaps standing by the beauty of Big Sur I would finally muster the courage to kiss her.  And from there, who knows.  A slap, or she could kiss me back and finally realize she needs to be with me.  Certainly it's a pipe dream, but it's my romantic pipe dream.  Leaving TheDesire's branch of course I was on cloud nine.  Vagabundo pointed that out.  He always points out how my day can be the most lousy day ever.  But as soon as I see her my day is the greatest day.  Absolutely right.
After work Vagabundo and I went to Jax, where I had three Manhattans, and he had a gin and tonic.  It wasn't like we had a horrible day, but we definitely needed a drink.  I needed three.  Ha!  I can't believe that TheDesire might actually let me travel with her to Big Sur.  I'm not sure I'm not dreaming.  Of course, I must not count chickens before they hatch.  Still, I'm on cloud nine today.

April 11, I told my buddy that this week was such a non-week.  Nothing really happened this week, but of course I don't mean that absolutely nothing happened.  Just that so little really happened.  If you've gotten this far you know what happened this week.  Today was chill at work.  But as seems to be the norm these days I'm dead tired by the end of Fridays.  Tomorrow Disneyland with T.  Tonight I got home and an email from Beverly Hills was in my inbox.  It instructed me to go on the website where I filed the application and make an appointment for a written test.  This is something new cities are doing to filter people for jobs that get over a hundred applications.  I logged in and made my appointment for April 25th at 1:30pm.  I immediately asked for the day off at Glendale.  I can't be worried about going to work.  Besides, the test is said to be around one and a half hours long.  Even if I sped through it I still need to drive to Glendale and then work for perhaps only three hours or even less.  No, that added stress is something I don't need.  Maybe I can get TheDesire to hang out with me.  A week from today, San Francisco!
TheDesire mentioned an author to me a couple of weeks ago, a David Foster Wallace.  I requested an audio book of his essays from Pasadena.  I heard the first essay and found it to be nothing.  I can't even say that he has flare.  I'll reserve judgement for later, but for now I'm just not getting it.  I only wanted to "read" his work because TheDesire mentioned him.  Also mentioned how this guy committed suicide.  TheDesire is obviously obsessed with suicide.  I'll give it another shot tomorrow on my way to Disneyland.  Perhaps.

April 12, In what has quickly become a regular thing, I went with T to Disneyland today.  Yes, I realize that I sound like a broken record by saying I was at Disneyland AGAIN this weekend, when I was there LAST weekend.  T likes going, and I'm her stable Disneyland buddy.  Besides, I like going.  For two reasons, it's fun and my annual pass cost me $640 this year.  I feel I should, nay have to, use it as often as possible.  We didn't go on many rides, rather dedicating our time to doing the Easter egg hunt.  The Easter eggs were painted eggs the size of a basketball scattered around the park.  Each one had a different character painted on them.  It was fun.  T and I have been spending a lot of time together lately.  At one point she was walking in front of me, actually climbing stairs in front of me on Big Thunder, and I have to admit I checked out her butt.  THAT is not unusual for me to do.  I check out EVERY girl's butt.  This time I liked what I saw.  Nevertheless, I'm not developing a crush on her.  I just find her attractive.  I don't feel the need to peruse a relationship, unless it's with TheDesire.  And since that avenue has been closed I'm not looking for anyone just this minute.  I'm quite happy being single and not having to deal with stupid relationship drama.  Freeing myself of that has taken so much weight off me.  So what if I die alone in twenty, thirty, forty or whatever years.  I'm happy.  Besides, we all die alone.
After Disneyland I hot footed it to my buddy Jon's.  It was his birthday Wednesday, but the party was today.  It was a nice little party.  At the end of the night he thanked me for coming.  Why wouldn't I go?  He's one of my closest friends.  He's been there through the thick and the thin.  Jon has been fixing his house for the last few months.  Tonight I got to see the results.  He now has an arcade outside on his back patio, with six arcade games and two pinball machines.  It's pretty cool.  I played a few old games tonight, ate, and basically had a good time.

April 13, Work today was pretty chill.  Didn't have to do much, or answer too many questions.  Like I said, chill.  The major thing is that my computer was moved when I wasn't looking to the office in the back of the library.  Away from my pseudo desk in circulation.  From the moment I got this promotion, and subsequently got my new computer I've been at this pseudo desk.  I've felt at home since I'm in circulation, but at the same time it's not conducive to getting a lot of work done.  Then again, I don't really want to do Stash's work.  Not much choice in the matter though.  This is what the job entails.  So from now on I'll be in the back.  I didn't get to take a photo of the new desk, but my computer is literally on top of Stash's computer.  His computer having been shoved aside.  Not a good feeling.  My escape will only come if I get the Beverly Hills job.

April 14, Mondays pretty much suck.  This will be the last Monday I work at San Marino for a while.  Next week I'll have to do something with my extra time.  I'll still be going to Montrose at night though.  Today there's a program going on in the library to find Waldo amongst the books.  This is why the above picture of my Montrose coworkers features them wearing Waldo glasses.  And I couldn't resist putting the glasses on Chan when I went over to TheGirl's house after work.  Nice!

April 15, Tax day came and went.  I arrived late to work this morning, but no one noticed.  Why?  Because I really don't have a supervisor on Tuesdays.  The Stash job I'll be doing is still actually being done by Stash.  She has him doing a logo.  I don't have ANYTHING to do.  Well, I have stuff, but I've been slacking lately.  The only thing I really HAVE to do on a Tuesday morning is give my coworker her break.  This particular coworker is nice.  She's not going to be thought of as the prettiest girl ever, but I have such a crush on her.  I check out her legs, they look hot to me.  She has big boobs, and a big belly.  But my mind doesn't see that belly.  My mind only sees how cute she is.  I would so have a good time with her.  Of course she's married.  Very married, it would seem.  Very, very married.  Oh well, I'll just have a crush on her.
I exchanged text with my friend in San Francisco on my upcoming visit.  We were discussing where to have dinner, and when.  We were all set to have dinner on Saturday, but she remembered she had a thing at the last minute.  We quickly changed it to Friday night.  That is actually better for me and TheGirl, I think.  This way TheGirl and I can have a nice dinner on Saturday and not be on a schedule because we have to get to bed relatively early to return home.

April 16, Work was pretty standard.  Did my computer class in the morning, then had a little meeting with one of my new duty supervisors.  Talked about projects for the Foundation.  Then went and had lunch.  Then my regular shift.  Afterwards I drove out to Hollywood and meet up with TheGirl for our Wednesday night dinner.  She wanted something between us, but I didn't want to try the same old food.  I found this place online.  It had positive reviews, and the photos of the food looked yummy.  TheGirl agreed to go.  The food is yummy.  I had an open face turkey sandwich, which was just right.  I also had nearly two margaritas, that were potent if not that tasty.  Still, the food and the pie we had was yummy.  It's nice to be able to afford a nice meal.

April 17, Today I was on the route alone again.  First time in a month.  And for the first time since I've been showing my buddy Vagabundo the ropes I had a regular old route.  Nothing special.  No special stops.  No three side trips to here and there.  Just my regular old route.  I killed a lot of time between stops in order to keep my schedule.  Otherwise I would be done an hour and a half early.  Which helps no one.  One of the other drivers finishes early sometimes, but then also finishes late other times.  He's inconsistent.  That makes the bosses feel that he's doing something dirty.  Ironically what it actually means is that sometimes the route is easy, and sometimes the route is hard.  They should think about how the Monday/Tuesday driver and I are always coming in at the same time.  That means we time it.  Good thing they don't get that.
I didn't get to see TheDesire on the route today.  I just heard her voice coming out of the back office.  I didn't go back there, but now as I sit here I think I should have.  Sweet Jebus, I REALLY like her.  I would give her my heart in a split second if she would only let me.  But, I digress.  I had a nice gin and tonic before I started writing this.  Tomorrow is the big trip up to San Francisco with TheGirl.  She told me that this is gonna be her last trip for a while.  I'm already planning on going up to Big Sur with TheDesire anyway.  I tell you, if I somehow get to go to Big Sur with TheDesire I will be ready to die.  Oh, and at that point come hell or high water I SHOULD kiss TheDesire.  Time for bed.

April 18, I hadn't been to San Francisco since October of 2007.  Nearly seven years.  That's way too long.  As a child I remember going a few times, and loving it every time.  The last time previous to the 2007 visit was in 1984, July 4th weekend.  The city was packed.  I remember that particular trip because of something that happened with my dad.  We had always done 4th of July celebrations.  That 4th I wasn't going to be in town.  But my little mind couldn't tell him, "Hey Dad, we're going to San Francisco this weekend, so I won't be around to celebrate."  Instead I said, "Don't come."  No explanation, just don't come.  I'm pretty sure I hurt him with that statement.  Maybe later he found out why I wasn't able to celebrate the 4th with him.  But the hurt probably didn't go away.  I just remember having a horrible time that trip, because what I said and how I said it hung over me the entire trip.  Also, that was a bad trip because of the circumstances.
As I said, it's been seven years since I've been to the city.  TheGirl mentioned that she wanted to go, and I pounced on the chance to return.  I booked the room, and booked tickets to Alcatraz, as soon as she said she wanted to go.  I know how little time a weekend is to get anything done, so I wanted to hit the ground running.  This was also my first time driving all the way up to SF.  I've only driven half the trip, the last time sharing driving duties with my buddy.  It was a good drive.  Felt shorter than it actually was.  We traveled the five route all the way into Oakland and then into the city.  Seeing the city from the Bay bridge was so beautiful.  I filled with emotion, and found it hard to contain myself.  I parked the car, after traveling through city traffic.  Which, might I add, was horrid.  There was construction seemingly on every street.  Pedestrians were crossing the street on red.  It was a clusterfuck.  But a beautiful one.  We arrived at our hotel, which was super nice.  The room was tiny, but clean and pretty.  I'll definitely stay there again.
TheGirl and I hit the ground running.  We went to get our Muni passes first, then went to Ghirardelli square.  I knew it was a tourist trap, since it was in the wharf area.  But, TheGirl wanted to see it, and why not.  Even TheGirl later told me that it was a bit of a disappointment.  All it was was a bunch of stores, nothing much but that.  I wouldn't have expected more, but I would have liked it if there was a tour of how chocolate was made.  Nope, just selling chocolate, the same chocolate you can pretty much get at any mall in America.  Good shit, but why does one need to go nuts?  I can do down to DCA right now and have the same chocolates and desserts as they do at Ghirardelli square.  TheGirl and I went through Chinatown, and even got to see the City Lights bookstore before we had to head downtown to meet up with my classmate and friend Nic.  I hadn't seen her in a probably like four years, maybe more.  Since she went up to live in SF.  We've kept in touch via phone, email and text.  Dinner was cool, nice food and a great Manhattan.  Great first day in the city.

April 19, As I stated before, I wanted to hit the ground running since there was so much on the agenda for this trip.  We got ready and ate some breakfast at the place we were staying.  Good, if not great food.  We booked it to the streetcar because we had run a little late at breakfast, but we made it with ten minutes to spare for the Alcatraz boat.  Once on the island we explored the rock.  There's a self-guided audio tour that we followed.  We walked around the grounds, and the cellblocks.  TheGirl kept mentioning that she wouldn't mind living there.  I pointed out that no one wanted to be there.  Ha!  Still, the tour was cool.  Did I really learn that much about Alcatraz, not really.  However, it was cool being in the cellblocks and viewing how some of the worst prisoners in the world were locked up for their sins against humanity.  The island took up the better part of the morning.  We returned ashore and ate at this fish and chips place I found on the internet.  Damn good fish, and huge portions.  We then booked it to the Golden Gate bridge.  But, before we crossed we went down to Fort Point, which sits under the bridge.  It was somewhere I had never been, and it was damn cool to explore.  TheGirl and I then crossed the bridge.  I did it a few years back on my last visit.  But that time I couldn't find the bus stop to take me back across the bridge, so I had to walk it again.  Not this time.  I found the bus stop and TheGirl and I took it to the Palace of Fine Arts.
TheGirl wanted to get some Chinese food, so we headed back to Chinatown.  But every place that I found to be good online was packed.  Must be good food.  But we were hungry, and after walking around a bit, because all the places we went to had some crazy food I didn't want to eat, we ended up at a place that had so-so food.  We then went on a quest to have drinks at the St. Francis.  That turned into a total bust.  The drink was fine, but getting there was such a drag.  We jumped on the first streetcar that came by, but it was totally packed.  TheGirl hates that.  Stupid me, I should have just waited for the next trolly, because that one was empty.  We finally took a bus down to Powell and had our drinks.  The waitress was a bitch, according to TheGirl.  She wasn't very friendly after she asked if we wanted to keep a tab open.  After we said no she got all bitchy.  We had another struggle getting back to the hotel.  Our cable car passed out stop, and we missed the bus that would have left us right in front of our hotel.  We walked.  At least it was all downhill. 
The day was packed, we did so much and there was still so much we could have done.  I missed out on Golden Gate park, but that can be left for another time.  We went to bed late after having a packed day.  A damn good day.

April 20, While at dinner with Nic she mentioned coming over on Sunday morning for brunch.  I didn't want to impose, so it was good for me when she mentioned she wasn't feeling well from the night before.  I told her we would hook up when she returned to Los Angeles for a visit next month.  That left our morning open.  TheGirl wanted to eat at Andersen's on the 5, on the way back home.  But both of us were hungry, and Ansdersen's would be an hour and a half drive outside of the city.  TheGirl and I went to bagel shop we saw the day before and ate a little something to tide us over.  We hit the road and arrived at Andersen's just around lunch time.  The food was so-so.  I remember the last time I had their pea soup it was yummy.  This time it was flavorless.  Just bland.  I was hungry though, so I ate most of my meal.  Still, either the quality went down, or something happened to the food.  Not that I remember Andersen's having the GREATEST food on Earth.  But it was much better.
I was so sleepy from the night before, having gone to sleep late and waking up so early.  My stupid Sunday alarm woke us up way too early.  TheGirl did her best to keep me from falling asleep after lunch.  These days having a meal automatically triggers me wanting to sleep for days.  That ain't right.  She even played with Chan, having hims wave at the truckers to get their attention and have them blow their horns.  Most of the truckers ignored hims, but the ones that did see him either didn't know that the gesture to blow the horn was what he was doing, or they didn't want to.  Most of them just waved back.  It was super funny to watch Chan ask truckers to blow their horns and have them not do it.  What must the truckers thought?  Nearly all the way back home, just outside of Valencia, TheGirl did mention that she loves being single and free, because otherwise she couldn't take trips like this trip with me.  The both of us, it would seem, feel the same way.  I know I have it easy with TheGirl being my friend.  I don't get lonely, because she's always there to do stuff with.  Like our weekly Wednesday night dinners, for example.  Neither of us have really moved on from our relationship, just as many people have pointed out.  Just like Nic pointed out Friday night.  We work better as friends, I tell people, because it's true.  We are better as friends and not lovers.  Our friendship has been longer than our relationship, and in my mind it's worked out better for me.  Yeah, TheChisel is probably still in the picture, but at least I don't happen to see his Facebook page and have pictures of him and TheGirl with captions saying stuff about how much in love he is with her.  Having been in love with TheGirl at one point, I can tell you that it is something you want to profess to the world.  I also think that since he was able to do it to the world, unlike me, that that fact stings more than anything.  The taint of the affair will never go away.  He didn't have to deal with that.  And as I've said many times before, that's what hurt the most when TheGirl chose him over me.

April 22, Today was another non-day.  Went to work, at San Marino and did nearly nothing.  I did process some checks for the Friend's, and cover one of my co-worker's break.  Aside from that I didn't really do much more.  It's cool by me, of course.  But I hear that the new position will actually be two new positions.  And one of them might be a person that works the majority of the time with the Foundation.  So, I'll go from being Stash Jr. to just plain old me.  Someone else will become Stash Jr.  I seriously don't mind if that happens.  I don't really enjoy working for the Foundation, per se.  I rather work the reference desk.  We'll see what happens.
Job two, Glendale, had me deliver some book carts to Brand.  I had a partner, one of the new hires.  Good kid.  We talked about work, about the Lakers, and interpersonal relations at work.  He's a smart kid.

April 23, Had an early staff meeting today, then I had my computer class.  Following that I had lunch with T and Stash.  Then worked the reference desk.  Nothing major, except they did choose some new workers for LM's old job.  There was talk that one of the clerks was going to get one of these jobs.  However, she didn't.  Probably because the outside candidates were that much better.  I'll find out soon enough.
As I was sitting on the reference desk, in a quiet moment a thought came to my head.  Like with all things, there is a window of time when things are good, just right, prime for whatever.  Then there's the zenith.  After that it's all downhill from there.  I don't know when I reached my zenith, but I know now that I'm in decline.  It's slow right now, but it will quickly speed up.  The point of all this is this, I'm no longer a catch.  There was window of time when I was a catch.  TheGirl said it.  Maybe it was when I was with her.  That was definitely in the past.  I can see it in the rearview mirror now.  I looked at my hands today and saw how old they're looking.  I looked in the mirror and saw the heavy bags under my eyes.  It's a done deal, it really is all downhill from here.  Also, if I was to go out and date the huge red light above my head would have women asking, "Why is this 40+ man still single?  What is wrong with him?" It's a done deal.  This is no joke, my prime has passed, when it comes to relationships and women.  Other things I think I'm only getting better.  But, when it comes to this I'm through.  No woman is going to want me.  I joked about it in the past, but now I am the first member of the "Die Alone" club.

April 24, The route today was pretty chill, until I had to move those darn instruments.  Then it was hard.  But I got it all done without help from Vagabundo, or as everyone on the route called him, my "helper."  After work Vagabundo and I went to Echo park to get some tacos.  The tacos were pretty dang good.  I had two of the steak and one chicken.  The chicken mole one was my favorite.  I would definitely return.  Parking is tiny, and having to deal with the stream of cars going up to Dodger stadium isn't fun.  But, it all worked out.  After tacos I convinced Vagabundo to go to a place I've been wanting to go for a while, the Pie Hole.  It's trendy, so I was wary of going.  However, the lemon meringue I had was not a product of trendy, but rather of just good work.  It was damn tasty.  Vagabundo said that his apple pie also tasted great.  Trendy doesn't always means bad.
I took a picture of my order number because I wanted to post it on Instagram, knowing I would get a "like" from TheDesire.  Sure enough, as shown in the above picture, she did "like" that post.  I was telling Vagabundo about how I'm more attracted her to now than ever.  Today she wore black for Armenian genocide day.  She wasn't wearing much make-up, and her hair was going every which way.  But damn if I didn't desire her more than ever at that moment.  Damn that I wanted to kiss her at that moment.  Damn that girl!  Damn my stupid mind and heart for liking her, even more that I have ZERO chance with her.  Of course, her liking my post just made my heart soar.  When I was on the route she asked if I could work next Saturday.  Of course I figured she would be there, so I said yes.  I think I like her more now than I did when I was trying to get somewhere with her.  Damn it all.

April 25, HUGE day today, because today I took the preliminary test for the full time clerk job at Beverly Hills.  I need to make the cut in order to get into the interview process.  If I don't make this cut it will super suck, and I will pretty much just want to give up.  If all goes well though, this will be step one towards possibly getting a good job, making more money, and having a nice solid future.  I NEED to get this.  I could go on, but I think I've made it clear that THIS is important.  The test itself wasn't that difficult, but there were some tricky questions in there.  I think I did well, but we'll see if it's good enough.  Two weeks, I'll know in two weeks.  Actually, if I hear from the person administering the test in less than two weeks, then that means bad news.  I meet up with TheDesire after the test.  She works part time at Beverly Hills library.  I finally got to see her standing up.  She's gained a little weight.  I saw it on the route yesterday, but today I could confirm it.  Still beautiful in my mind.  But I suspect that her recent gain is due to her being back on her meds.  She seems more mellow, and not so negative.  However, at least before she seemed like she was feeling something.  Now she seems like she's just neutral, for lack of a better term.  You know, placid, but also like not feeling.  I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into this.  All I know is that I want her more than ever.
After the test I went to Glendale to pick up a computer monitor that one of the guys from work promised to give me.  I picked it up, got a little something to eat, then drove to meet up with TheGirl, who wanted to eat at some Mexican food joint by the Griffith park equestrian center.  The food was OK, nothing to write home about.  Standard middle of the road food.  The margaritas were kinda weak sauce.  After the second one I finally felt it.  TheGirl was feeling it after the first one.  We walked out of the place feeling pretty good.  We were going to walk, but it was cold out, so we went back to my car to talk and sober up.  Good thing we did, because shortly after it started raining.  TheGirl gets honest when we drink, "en vino veritas" you might say.  She once again mentioned how she loves me, and that when she thinks of possibly moving to Vegas that I'm the only person she knows she will miss.  She even says she wouldn't miss her own son.  I don't want her to go, but she did mention that she had another phone interview.  She needs to realize Vegas is a dead end.  Of course, she's going to do what she's going to do.  This is definitely the time of a lot of potential change.  I went home and passed out.  Guess the drinks weren't THAT weak sauce after all.

April 26, I missed work yesterday, but I knew I would make up some of those hours today.  My coworker was busy having his second child, and my Montrose job needed me to cover for him today.  In the morning my car needed to get some service done.  It was the standard 60,000 mile check-up.  Next time I'll just need a oil change, but this was major.  The car is in great shape, thankfully.  I then went up to work.  It was chill.  Nothing out of the ordinary.
Vagabundo had a big day today.  He had his class and driving thing today.  He passed.  He will soon be certified to drive the van around.  It was a day late though.  The Friday driver didn't show yesterday.  Me not being there because of my appointment, and the Monday driver not being available meant that there was no delivery yesterday.  Our supervisor essentially told Vagabundo that if Friday driver doesn't show up next Friday that Vagabundo is driving.  The Friday driver has missed TWO Fridays in a row.  I missed those days as well, one because of San Francisco, and yesterday because of the job test.  I can't miss another day like that for a while.  First, I need the money.  Second, I need the money.  Come Monday though, I'm sure Vagabundo will be officially certified and will be able to hit the road.

April 27, Work was work, nothing special.  After work I meet up with a bunch of my Glendale co-workers for dinner at a BBQ place in Eagle Rock.  It was good to hang out with the bunch.  It was OK.  My male co-workers are good guys, but none of them ever seem to be interested in talking about girls.  The girl at the BBQ joint was cute, and had a cute body.  Then four girls show up, and my co-workers didn't even flinch.  What a bunch of dopes.  At least check them out.  After dinner one co-worker and I went and got a drink.  Then I went home.  Kinda meh.

April 29, In what is becoming customary, I was sent on a special delivery run today.  After the other driver comes and drops the books he books it out of there.  Lately they've needed extra deliveries, but the other driver isn't willing to stick around.  This is why I end up doing these extra deliveries.  I don't mind though.  It's better than being in the office.

April 30, I'm getting tired of teaching the senior computer class.  I feel that I've reached my limit when it comes to this endeavor, and I'm bored with it.  There are only two weeks to go until the end of this "semester."  At which time I have to consider going at this again.  But really I don't.
It was a non-day today.  Worked on the desk, but that's easy time.  Before going on desk I ran some errands and had fish and chips with Stash.  The place we wanted to originally go was closed for renovations.  I knew that, because I had been there already.  But I couldn't let Stash know that I had been there without him.  So we ended up going to another fish and chips place up the street.  It was OK.  Not terrible, but nothing to write home about.
My dinner with TheGirl tonight was a booze-fest.  She told me tonight that she's depressed, and has given up on the idea of moving to Vegas.  I feel bad for her, but at the same time Vegas would have sucked the life out of her.  Booze brings the truth.  She also told me that she is considering getting a place in Studio City.  The place sounds like a nice place, and will certainly be in a really nice neighborhood.  You know, I've considered returning with TheGirl more than once since the time when we went up to Big Sur last year and were intimate.
Speaking of Big Sur... I want to broach the subject of Big Sur in a few weeks with TheDesire.  Really I want to have a chance to win her over in Big Sur.  I want to have her three hundred miles away from all of this, and have her standing on the most beautiful coast on Earth and kiss her.  Kiss her with all the passion I can muster.  Kiss her and have her understand that I above all other would love her the way she deserves to be loved.  Yeah... that's all a pipe dream.  But a man is nothing if he doesn't believe that the impossible is possible.