Half of 2014 is nearly gone.  I do miss the cool weather, but I'm also going to enjoy the warmth, and the longer hours.  This is what happened in May.

May 1, The route was pretty standard today.  The only thing that made it a challenge was the heat.  I still love being out of the office.  While on my route I talked to my coworker, who I have yet to create a nickname for, but should because she might appear on this journal more often.  The girl is not my typical "type," in that she isn't some tiny cute girl.  TheGirl and TheDesire are both 5' 2" and probably don't weight much more than 125 lbs.  This girl that I'm talking about, and pictured above, as you can see is not tiny.  Yet she gives me such a hard-on.  It's pure lust with this one.  Maybe because she's not a douchy girl.  Maybe because she knows art, and I can talk to her about that.  Maybe because despite her size she has some nice curves.  On Tuesday I dropped some stuff at the branch she works in, and I checked out her butt.  It's big, but man if I didn't just find myself staring at her rear.  Sicko, I know, but she just does it for me.  I think she would fuck my brains out, as well as crush me.  But man, that would be awesome.
I went over to Talia's thinking that maybe we would have sex.  She always plays some silly game where we agree that we're going to sleep together via text, but then as soon as I'm at her house nothing happens.  She had her top off, but that only makes her less appealing.  Her boobs are big, and nice, but she has a huge belly.  She also has a terrible habit of not showering.  She even mentions how her fella, Payaso (clown in Spanish), doesn't want to touch her, and always tells her to shower.  Well duh!  Human bodies can get pretty funky in certain areas.  I remember wanting to go down on Talia many years ago, and being repelled by the strong odor.  I'm sure it's the same these days.  So, no sex, no nothing tonight.  I wanted to get it over with, but she stalled, and that just made me not want to fuck her after all.  I don't know why I even considered it.  I got up at around 7:30 and told Talia I had to leave.  She then says, "Let's have sex."  Ah, I've been waiting for her to give it up since I arrived, and at that point my horniness had gone away.  After she said, "Let's have sex" I told her, "Next time, I have to go."  I did have to go, because I didn't want to be there any more.  Talia has never been stable, to say the least.  She's a nice girl, gave it up to me all those many years ago.  But now, I don't want to just fuck to fuck.  I want it to be purposeful.  And with Talia, it's not only not purposeful, but also quite sad.

May 2, Work was whatever today.  Lot of checking in and out of books.  My buddy, Vagabundo, worked today.  He left an hour earlier than I did, but we decided to go out to dinner after work at some place near my place.  The Blue Dog Tavern has been on our radar for a while now.  We FINALLY got a chance to try it out.  The burger I had was pretty good.  Not among the best I've ever had, but good.  I'd go back and try another burger.  The good thing is that it's close to home.

May 3, I woke up with no energy today, but I had to get up and going because I promised to work at Brand today.  I worked a art program, where they have art things for kids to do.  It was attended by only six kids and six adults.  We had set-up the tables and chairs for twenty.  It was so chill the boss invited us to make our own art project, so we did.  It was nice to get paid to chat with my coworker while gossiping about work.  After work I ran some errands, like getting T her birthday present.  I got her a gift certificate to Veggie Grill.  Then I went and got her a card, and then I drove down to Disneyland to get something to eat.  Her sister, who lives about 15 minutes from Disneyland, was hosting her party.  Hence me having lunch at Disneyland.  The entire drive down to Disneyland I could feel my energy waining.  I had to go to this party no matter what, but part of me wanted to shine this thing on.  But I championed through the malaise to have a good time with T and her friends.  The party was nice.  I liked one of her friends, though I didn't get to talk to her much.  She's cute, sexy.  And of course, that's all I know about her.  Guess I should follow up and see if she's single.  Later.  I asked TheDesire if she wanted to go get dinner next weekend.  She said yes, Friday.  Now I just have to find a place that's good.  The more I think about her the more I wish I had a chance with her.  The more I wish she would just give me that chance.  I think she knows that once you let me in she may never want to let me leave.  Ha!  Yeah, and pigs fly.  It's wishful thinking on my part.  But then I ask myself, why does she still hang out with me.  Is it as simple as I'm her friend?  Sadly, it might just be that simple.  And meanwhile here I am feeling all these feelings for her.

May 4, Work was work.  I've been feeling tired for the last few days.  Being out late last night at T's birthday didn't help.  But it was fun.  Tonight another celebration, with LM the honoree.  After work T, and H and LM (and of course me) went to Amigo's on Colorado for dinner.  I drank like a total fiend.  Damn good margaritas.  I had three, the girls had once each.  That was enough, the margaritas there are potent.  I mean really good.  After drinks we went drinking some more.  We ended up at the Paseo at a wine bar.  They where playing Star Wars: The Empire Strikes back on a large screen TV, because today is Star Wars day.  May the forth be with you.  Nice!  We followed that up with a trip to In-and-Out for some burgers.  I was stuffed, but the girls ate some food.  I drank water.  The night ended with us saying good-bye.  Oh, and I forgot to mention that I bought drinks and food, total cost $108.  I was happy to do it.

May 5, I had the morning off today, because come this Thursday I'll be on the San Marino reference desk, covering for LM.  It's a good thing, because after all that drinking last night I needed to sleep-in.  I woke up, went back to sleep, woke up again, and once again went back to sleep.  It was not fun.  I just wanted to sleep all day.  But, I agreed to have lunch with one of my Glendale coworkers at some deli by work.  It was good food though, and good times talking.  We mostly talked about work, and other restaurants that have good food.  I didn't finish my sandwich, so I took it with me.  It made for a great dinner after a full day.
I went to Montrose, took a thirty minute nap, and crawled into work.  I don't know if it was only the drinking, because of the last four days I've been feeling really tired.  Since Friday I've had zero energy.  It's a miracle I've been able to do anything.  I've been wanting to sleep everywhere.  The shift tonight was whatever.  My boss told me to remember to put the toilet seat down in the employee restroom.  I'm going to use the public restroom from now on.  I'm too tired of deal with this shit.

May 6, Tonight I rolled into work at Glendale after an easy shift at San Marino and found a present.  The schedule had me shelf reading for two hours, then had me monitoring a rehearsal in the auditorium for the next three hours.  It was super easy money tonight.  I didn't have to deal with patrons, or anything.  And there was even a cute girl that played piano at the end of the night (pictured above).  Amazing body on this girl.  All her movements were magical.  And she can play damn well too.  Still feeling tired though, despite not doing anything tonight.  I'm going to need all the energy reserves I can muster for the rest of the week.  Thursday, big route day, followed by evening shift at San Marino.  Friday, long day as usual.  Saturday, I don't know.  Sunday, double shift again, this time San Marino during the day, and Glendale in the evening.

May 7, Today work was easy.  I put it in cruise control and just sat back.  About the only bad thing that happened is that once again I was not given a break while I was on the desk alone.  Hey, I don't mind since I hardly do anything while I'm on desk anyway.  I do my job, but I don't do anything extra.  I'm done going above and beyond.  That sort of stuff is for suckers.
After work I picked up TheGirl and I treated her to dinner at Big Daddy's.  We hadn't been there in a long time.  The food was good, company was good.  We then had pie at Pie n Burger.  But before that I needed to walk off some of my huge dinner.  So we walked up and down Lake st. in Pasadena.  She told me on that walk that she has given up on moving to Vegas.  She is going to stay at her job and look for a place here.  She wanted to go to Vegas to buy a place of her own, but she knows that's a pipe dream now.  I don't want her to give up on her dreams, I just think that Vegas isn't the answer.  If anything, Vegas is the death of those dreams.  Couple all this with what she told me before that she's depressed and I'm worried about TheGirl.
I think sometimes about how much I loved her.  How much I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.  And now I don't.  I do love her, but I'm not in love with her.  I want her to be in my life forever, but I also want TheDesire to be my partner, my fellow traveler in this journey.  It was TheGirl that turned away from me.  It was her that choose TheChisel over me.  That initially choose TheHusband over me as well.  Each time her choices have been flawed.  I have been a rock through all this, because that's just what I am.  This is why she is still my friend.

May 8, Today promised to wear me out because not only did I have my regular route.  I also had to deliver fliers to the schools for SRP.  And, in addition to that I had to drop off books at the shut-in.  AND, in addition to THAT I had to deliver the instruments to one of the branches before 3pm.  It was brutal, but I did it, by taking it all in small chunks.  I can't believe I actually finished everything.  I couldn't dilly dally today since I was going to cover the desk at San Marino.  Finishing up at work I had dinner with So-so, who told me her husband is going to have chemotherapy done, and that they hope for the best.  Sucks.
Job two was chill.  Nothing really do to, which is fine by me.  But then H said, "It's Thirsty Thursday, let's go get some booze."  I was OK until 8:30ish.  That's when a wave of tired hit me.  I just wanted to go straight home, but I was forced to go out with my friends.  It was cool, but at the same time I was totally beat by the time I got home.  I like going out with my friends, but after the day I had today I just wanted to go home.  I had been awake since 6am.  I worked from 8am to 3:30 at Glendale.  Then worked from 5:30 to 9:15pm at San Marino.  Then went out for drinks with the friends and didn't get home until nearly 1am.  That's a long ass day.  Oh, I did't drink tonight because I didn't want to drive home late because I had to wait around getting sober.

May 9, Work today was brutal.  I had zero energy today.  Couple that with being on the desk for five out of my eye hour shift and you have one tired library monkey.  As I said, work was brutal, but objectively it wasn't.  I'm just tired.  But of course the ONE thing that kept me going throughout this week was going to be tonight's dinner with TheDesire.
ARGH!  Tonight was going to be a great night.  Buuuuutt... but, TheDesire texted me around noon to tell me that she couldn't make it tonight.  Apparently after I dropped off the instruments they had a great old time.  So good that she went out drinking with some coworkers.  Ah, and then returned home, threw up, and gained the ire of her family.  Who thought she was being irresponsible.  As she says in her text, "Going out tonight will be a slap on their faces."  I had to understand.  A reasonable person can't beat her up about that, despite the fact that it was the only thing I was looking forward to this ENTIRE week.  I even brought her birthday gift with me.  I was FINALLY going to give it to her.  Nope, that didn't happen.  So, I went home and ate a terrible dinner and watched TV.  The terrible dinner courtesy of there being no food in the house.  When I arrived last night my aunt said to me, "I don't even think you're eating."  She's right.  I skipped out on breakfast yesterday, because THERE'S NO FOOD IN THE HOUSE.  Or what food there is is completely insipid. 
Lastly, I heard back from Beverly Hills today.  They said I made the initial cut.  However, I won't know until next week if I qualify for an actual interview.  Oh man.

May 10, I went to Disneyland with T today.  We try to come up with a theme for these things, since we've been to Disneyland together at least a half dozen times now.  Good to keep things fresh.  Funny, for a moment that sounded like I was keeping a relationship fresh.  We started out with no idea, and settle on idea T had to do a "bar crawl" of places at DCA and Downtown Disney.  We can't do it in the original park, because they don't serve booze at Disneyland proper.  We started out in DCA's Carthay Circle bar.  Nice place, I like it there.  We had a cocktail and talked about this and that. Our server suggested T get a certain drink.  She liked it, but also thought that our guy was a little heavy handed with his let me see your ID move, because he comes up and says, "I really like to know who I'm serving, so may I see your IDs?"  It was also in the way he said it, and then didn't let T order what she wanted by saying to her, "I know what you want, a...," blah blah blah.  I forget the name of the drink.  After that we tried to get on the ride "Soaring," but as soon as we were feet from entering the attraction they told us the thing had broken down, and escorted us out.  Swing and a miss.  We then went to get some wine.  There's a little place up above a restaurant that is kinda nice.  They don't have a big selection of wines, but they do have a full bar.  Mental note for me next time.  We then walked around a bit, became hungry and then went to get some food at the storyteller's cafe.  I had a super yummy corn chowder.  Then we wandered around some more wondering what attraction to go to, and then decided to go to Monsters Inc.  Ah, bad move.  On our way there we turned a corner and boom, right in her face was T's ex.  Not like RIGHT in her face, but about a hundred feet on the stage he plays on at nights in this certain corner of the park.  She quickly turned around and suggested we get another drink.  Bad memories need to be drowned in booze.  We went to the hotel again and ordered a pair of drinks.  She didn't like hers, so she had them bring her a lemon drop.  That hit the spot, the spot he wanted to hit and not remember that she saw her ex at a hundred paces.  She hoped he didn't see her, which is unlikely since he was setting up his equipment for that night.  Poor T isn't over this guy yet, and it's been nearly a year.  As she said, the only way to forget this guy is to find a new guy.

May 11, Today was pretty chill at work, until some idiot threatened me for not helping him with the computer.  At the end of the day the computers shut off by themselves.  At ten minutes to closing time they log everyone off, no matter what.  I can't override that process.  This guy comes up to me with fifteen minutes to go until 5pm and says "I need more time."  I tell him I can't give him more time.  He says, "I've had it done before."  I try to explain to him that at the end of the day there's nothing I can do to extend that time.  But does he listen to me?  No.  What happens next is that he accuses me of "smiling" at him and making "fun of him."  He then tells me that if I want he can meet me outside after work.  I don't understand why this guy took this so personally.  I was talking to my coworkers about how another patron accused me of lying to him because he asked if there were more study rooms in the building and I said "only these three."  He goes on to say, "are you sure?"  How can I not be sure?  Why would I lie to him?  Why would he assume that my answer was some sort of lie to throw him off the trail?  There ZERO reason for me to lie to him.  This guy with the computer problem showed the same attitude.  He was accusing me of not extending his time on purpose.  As if I was laughing inside, laughing about his plight.  But, because he can't blame himself for doing everything at the last minute, and then not having enough time to do his stretch at the end, he's going to blame me.  Not just blame me, but then threaten me with bodily harm.  I was surprised that I didn't get too afraid.  I could tell my adrenaline was up, but I calmed myself down.  After the whole thing, after I went to job 2 (Glendale) I thought about how silly this was, and how next time these patrons are one their own.
Speaking of job two, I went and everything was fine.  But, three of my coworkers got in trouble because a patron came up with a "donation" for the library.  She didn't like how she was treated, and went to the boss to say that they treated her bad, and belittled her donation.  She then said she wanted them fired, and would do everything she could to get them fired.  My coworkers tried to apologize to her as she left, but she ignored them.  All this fuss over her donation, which turned out to be a bunch of toilet paper rolls.  Fucking idiot!  I fucking hate people.  Everyone has this entitled attitude, like the world owes them something.  You would think that after so many years of struggle in this harsh economy people would learn that nothing is owed to them.  Nothing comes without a cost.  But no.  If anything, it seems like the total opposite is true.

May 12, Today I had a random day off.  I spent the morning talking to a woman who is a life coach.  I found her at the library.  She's a patron there that I had my eye on for about four years.  Sexy body, but I could tell she was a little loopy.  Well, she's not that loopy.  She's actually OK.  And she did give me some pointers, and direction.  I REALLY have to get this photography thing going.  I know I say that all the time, but I really need to get this done.  After that visit I visited my friend Jon.  We talked, and ate some pizza at a new place where you choose your toppings.  The pizza was flavorless.  How does one fuck up pizza?  This place did.  It was nice to have a day off.  Oh, before I forget.  My buddy had to become back-up driver today.  The route went well for him, though he had to deal with a stuck alarm at Brand.  Otherwise, it went well.  Good job!  He said I taught him well.

May 13, It's hot, and the rest of the week only promises to get hotter.  This morning the 101 was a total clusterfuck.  I left home on time, but was fifteen minutes late thanks to the remnants of a car accident earlier in the morning.  The accident wasn't even in the traffic lanes.  The cars were on the shoulder.  Why the fuck to these other idiot drivers need to look at the stopped car on the side of the road?  Idiots!  The heat in the afternoon made delivering the instruments from one branch to another more difficult.  But at the same time it was chill because I had help.  Aside from that the day was fine.  Ha!
I forgot to mention that when I was visiting TheGirl as she did her laundry yesterday she dropped a mention of TheHusband.  Apparently he had his DMV hearing where they suspended his license for three months.  TheHusband is going to appeal, but of course that doesn't mean that his job isn't going to toss him out on his ear.  I mention this because of how TheGirl goes back and forth with this guy.  She said to me this time, "He's not a good person."  Hmm, really?

May 14, Work was whatever today.  Had my last computer class for at least a month.  Honestly, I would rather not do this class anymore.  I'm tired of it.  Tired of the seniors that at the end of the class don't seem to have any more knowledge than when the class started.  Just tired.
TheGirl wants to go back up to San Francisco in June.  This time she wants to bring along her daughter.  I'm cool with that.  After waiting to see if her daughter could make it, today TheGirl said she could make it so I booked a room today.  Because if I wait too long the dang thing won't be available later.  We're going back up to SF!
After work had my traditional dinner with TheGirl.  She bought a huge bottle of wine that we drank.  Of course that always leads to us opening up and being honest with each other.  It's hard to believe that we still have things to say to each other about this love we once shared.  I can say that for me it was intense.  I guess it was for her as well.  Sure didn't seem like that when she was leaving me.  But now with some time she has the perspective to understand what she had with me.  I asked her about TheChisel.  She said he still hangs around, but only when she goes to the dog rescue.  Whatever.  I knew he would shoot himself in the foot.  People like him always do.

May 15, Today was the route from Hell.  Not so much because it was any more difficult than any other day on the route, but because it's was SO damn hot.  In addition to the heat there were other deliveries to make.  Like the fliers to the local schools, seven of them.  Then also mugs to city hall.  Gas up the van.  And finally the musical instruments.  Only sucker me puts up with this stuff, which is why I'm the one delivering everything on Thursdays.
And just as the topping on the cake, I got an email from Beverly Hills tonight as I was sitting on the reference desk.  I didn't make the cut.  My score wasn't high enough to go to the next level.  The email goes on to say that if they field of candidates don't yield a good enough pool that they MIGHT call me.  Yeah right!  Good-bye BH job.  This is just another example of why I shouldn't ever get my hopes up.  I'm good.  Damn good.  I would be a great worker there.  But, they'll never know.  I'm sure they'll have a fine person work there.  Oh well.  I hoped to escape my two part-time jobs for something more substantial, but it wasn't meant to be this time.

May 16, I'm trying to fight it, but the more I think about it the more I like TheDesire.  It's all internal, of course.  My buddy and I talked about why she hangs out with me.  We came to the conclusion that she likes the attention.  Even if she has no intention of being with me, it's nice to have the focus of someone's attention.  And I like hanging out with her because I still like her.  More than like her, I really like her.  I want to just kiss her once and have that be it.

May 17, I worked at Glendale today.  MicroManager wanted me to be around just in case the event that was going on in the auditorium needed some technical help.  Also, the fella that usually sets up the auditorium is still healing up from his broken wrist.  So I had to do that as well.  I worked seven hours.  Meanwhile, my buddy only worked five, and is frustrated because in a sense I got some of his hours today.  Strange situation with the hours.  MicroManager plays around with hours.  Not sure why.  We've tried to figure out why, but can only come to the conclusion that she just like fucking with people.  I had lunch at noon, and since I didn't pack a lunch I went out to some fast food joint to get something to eat.  Meh.  But, on the way back I bumped into TheDesire in the garage.  She looked so nice.  She did her hair, and she was wearing a nice outfit.  I checked out her butt and it looked really nice.  ARGH!  She's so pretty, I want to spend the rest of my days with her.  Wait, wha??  Seeing TheDesire made my day.  Tomorrow, dinner with TheDesire!  Gotta ask her if she wants to drive up the coast on Monday.  Cambria would be the destination.  Maybe San Simeon as well.  OK, getting WAY ahead of myself.

May 18, Work was whatever.  The entire week I've been looking forward to one thing, and one thing only... dinner with TheDesire.  I picked her up at her BH job.  I took her to Swingers, where I went with TheGirl a few weeks ago.  The guy there recognized me.  Good thing he didn't blow my cover and say something about TheGirl.  Dinner was nice.  She had a salad, I had a patty melt.  Yummy food.  Afterward we went to get some coffee.  She saw that there was a Oprah chai tea.  She wanted to try it because she loves Oprah, but the guy behind the counter told her, "It's not that good.  You'd do better with the regular chai tea."  So she got that instead.  I turned to her as the tea was being brewed, "I'm really looking forward to you coming to see Sunset Blvd with me."  I asked her if she wanted to go with me, and then bought the tickets in the hope that she would say yes.  If she couldn't go I would ask someone I know to come with me.  She turned, thought about it for a moment and said, "Why don't you buy them and I'll try to make it.  If I can't I'm sure there's someone who you can ask."  Inside I smiled and said, "I already bought them."  She smiled a wonderful little smile of approval.  Yeah, I have it bad for this girl.
I really wish she was going to Big Sur with me this weekend.  She's going up to Seattle instead.  Perhaps in the future.  Fuck, I kinda don't want to like this girl because ultimately this is a total gamble of emotions.  I don't have a good track record when it comes to that.

May 19, I don't have work on Monday mornings these days, as I have reported in here before. Today my coworkers wanted to go get some fish & chips at that place we've been wanting to try for a while.  I went, but I didn't tell my coworkers that I went.  We all met up, T and Stash that is, at the fish place.  I was running late because my aunt picked the moment I was leaving to call about her policy for her funeral.  That made me about 10 minutes late for lunch.  Whatever.  Work was work.  My supervisor that I've had some problems with is out of town, so things were more chill tonight because she was not there.
Afterward I went for my now traditional Monday visit with TheGirl.  She walks up to the library and I drive her back home and chat for an hour.  At the end of the night she talked to me about TheHusband.  Apparently he did get his license suspended, for three months.  His job told him not to show up for work, since his job requires him driving around.  TheGirl thinks they will fire him.  This has ramifications beyond him not being around city hall when I'm making deliveries.  For one, no more alimony.  Which I think is actually a wrong assumption on the part of TheGirl.  (moments later) I checked online and found on several websites that losing one's job doesn't mean that a person doesn't have to pay alimony.  Of course I'm not a lawyer, so what do I know?
I do have to say that I'm still in the afterglow, so to speak, from last night's dinner with TheDesire.  TheGirl even asked me why I was happy, and by that she does mean more happy.  Because, as she reminds me, I'm always happy.  But she read me right, I was more happy today.

May 21, Work was packed with assignments today.  Had a flier, a bookmark, some other miscellaneous things to do on the computer today, all while on the desk answering questions.  The girl that works as one of the monitors, Daisy, even mentioned how I was "actually working" today.  Thanks.  It was pretty good though, because it made the time go by faster.
Dinner with TheGirl was nice.  We drank, but neither of us to the point that we were shit faced.  Just buzzed and feeling good.  She told me that she is taking the new place in North Hollywood.  She's gonna kinda be my neighbor.  No more Monday visits to the library, but I can stop by her new place.  It's gonna be an adjustment.  She's going to have a dog that has to get used to me.  Check that, has to like me.  Apparently TheGirl's new dog has problems with Hispanic men.  Oh great.  I don't even like dogs, yet I have to impress this one.  Fuck!  The only reason why TheGirl is moving is to accommodate this dog.  She has turned her life around for what she said was "Unconditional love."  Of course cynical me knows that there is NO SUCH THING as unconditional love.  In the case of a dog, feed it and it will love you.  Even if you do feed it there have been too many stories of people who die in their houses and are discovered many months later, half eaten by the dogs and cats that "loved them."  Please.  TheGirl thinks that this dogs Pavlovian reactions to her feeding it, taking care of it, is unconditional love.  I will say, dogs do have that effect on humans.  But when I loved her it was unconditional, and yet she tossed it aside.  But, there's no bitterness there.
After dinner we were lying on her bed.  Chan was sitting on top of me.  I was playing with him.  Then I swung my arm around her and told her to cuddle with me.  It was nice.  She mentioned how it relaxed her, and she slept like a baby.  It was like old times.  I do miss those moments with TheGirl.  If I was weaker I would jump right into something with her.  However, I want more.  I want TheDesire to be that person I give my heart to.  I gave it to TheGirl unconditionally and was rejected THREE times.  THREE!  How many times must I get burned?  Huh?  I'm a fool, but that's just too much.
I nearly forgot, TheDesire made my day by texting me something related to Calvin & Hobbes.  Apparently she thinks of me when she thinks of Calvin & Hobbes.  I've influenced her thinking.  Nice!  I hope texting me brought a smile to her face, because it brought a smile to mine to get her text.
Natalia keeps texting me.  I pretty much let hours go by between responses.  I wish she would get the hint already.  That last visit with her made me just want to retch.  She'll always be special in my life, but that's WAY in the past now.

May 22, The route was pretty normal today.  I got to see TheDesire though.  I wished her a happy trip up to Seattle.  She looked really cute today.  Her body was talking to me, big time.  I like her a lot.  I mean I shouldn't like her this much since things aren't going to go anywhere with her.  I'm trying to just be her friend.  But of course secretly I want her to wear down and accept me.  I'm not sure what I'm doing is going to make her like me.  She certainly looks at me in a nice manor.  I've seen that look in the past, and it usually means they like me.  I mean like me, not just as a friend.  However, I'm still battling culture here with her.  Her parents are a HUGE influence on her.  Her parents want her to marry a nice Armenian boy.  I'm not that.  So I fight on, hoping that one day soon I'll get the courage to kiss her.  My friends all tell me I should.  If only to get it over with.  If only to let her know how I still feel.  If only to just stop me from talking about how much I want to kiss her.  Good reasons.  If I wasn't chicken I would have done it already.  If.
I met the new girl at San Marino tonight.  She seems nice.  On a attraction scale I can say that I'm that attracted to her.  But... that doesn't mean I don't have a chance with her.  If I wanted to go in that direction.  Yes, I like TheDesire a lot.  But I have to keep my options open, since I don't really know if my efforts with her will pay off.

May 23, Fridays are rough, because by this time of the week I'm worn the fuck out.  Today was no different.  I worked, drove home on near empty freeways, and passed out when I got home.  This has become my typical Friday.  At least I got paid today.  The big controversy is my friend Vagabundo getting zero hours today or yesterday.  That means he will go nearly two weeks without working a single day.  He worked this Monday, and won't work until next Saturday!  That's some bullshit.  I overheard, and I told Vagabundo this, that I heard MicroManager say that she wanted to give him the hours of the guy they fired, but that she couldn't do it.  Why?  I didn't hear that part.  I also heard her say something about not having enough for everyone to do on a given day.  She expects one of the other full-timers to come back soon, even though there isn't much of a chance that's going to happen.  Vagabundo isn't happy about all this shit.  I wouldn't be either.  I feel bad for him.  He has a job, thanks to me, but now he has to suffer the same indignation that I've had to for the last six years.  Fucking shit!
TheDesire was tagged on a picture of the Seattle library on her FB.  It got me thinking how liking her is starting to hurt.  I want to progress with her.  I want to know that I have a chance, a teeny, tiny chance, perhaps.  Because since I like her I want to know that my attention, my efforts, aren't being used on someone who isn't interested at all.  But, you say if you have been reading this journal for more than five minutes, that she has already told me that she isn't interested in dating me.  Of course I think that if I just stay in front of her she will eventually give me a chance.  This strategy has already failed, but it's the only one I have to use.  I guess that answers my own question, whether I should continue this.  I shouldn't.  I do like her a lot though.  I know, I'm a fool.  Spending time with TheDesire makes me happy.
Lastly, I bought a tiny camera that takes a picture every 30 seconds.  I want to start a project where I chronicle many more things that happen in my life.  The ones where everyone says that they wished they had a camera with them.  Now, I do and it's constantly taking pictures.  Tomorrow I'll get to see if it works well.

May 24, My Saturdays are pretty much the only days I can do something fun.  I want to sleep-in, but at the same time I think of the phrase, you can sleep when you're dead.  Today I went to the Natural History museum library with T.  She invited me, and I jumped at the chance to go.  The head librarian was the only full time employee in the library.  It was pretty cool to see all the books, but the guy did spend a lot of time talking about his own career.  So much time that I pretty much wondered when the tour would start.
I want to explain why there are so many pictures in the above photo that is part of this rundown of events for today.  The top row are photos taken with my new tiny Narrator Clip camera.  The first one is of our tour guild/librarian.  The second is of a book he was showing us from the collection.  Third is of a random sign the camera took a picture of inside the museum.  And forth is a picture of T while we ate dinner at Veggie Grill.  I asked her about the gift card I gave her to Veggie Grill, and she said she didn't see it.  Uhmmm.  She thinks that she left it at her sister's house.  I hope so, I dropped $30 on that card.
The bottom row of pictures are from the exhibits at the museum.  I finally got to see the Becoming Los Angeles exhibit, which I missed by a few weeks last year.  It was nice to not have to pay for this visit.  I mean, I paid for the parking, but that's nothing.  I do like this idea of the camera always taking pictures.  I only wish the quality of the interior pictures was a little better.  They seem really grainy.  However, I think all in all it's a pretty cool idea.  If only the darn thing didn't move around and go sideways.  Then things would be better.  Still, I like having something chronicle things like this.

May 25, Work today was pretty quiet.  The top righthand photo shows the parking lot when I arrived a little after 12:30pm.  Those two cars belong to my coworkers.  However, by around 2pm the library was packed with people.  I didn't have many questions to ask, but there were a lot of people sitting at the tables, studying.
After work T and I meet up at Disneyland.  Her pass is going to expire in about two weeks, and she wants to squeeze as many visits before she can't go back any more.  Being her Disney buddy I kinda have to go.  Also, I need to squeeze the most out of my pass as well.  We left work and arrived within 20 minutes of each other.  I ran into the park to get myself something to eat.  I had the mac and cheese dog from Coke Corner, on Main Street.  It was damn yummy.  T and I did a lot in a few hours in the park.  I let her decide where we would go since she's going to lose the privilege to go any time she wants.  Despite the fact that T and I are just friends we have a great time together.  I can't honestly say that the thought of sleeping with T hasn't crossed my mind lately.  She pretty.  She seems reasonable.  But, I know she isn't looking for a fuck-buddy situation.  Which is, again, perfectly reasonable.  Especially since she wants a full commitment.  But, like I said, I can't say that the thought didn't come to my mind lately.  It's natural.  I have strong feelings for TheDesire, but at the same time I would be a fool to not notice the girl that's standing right in front of me.  It's only natural.
T and I ended our night having Dole whips and going to the Enchanted Tiki Room for our last stop.  It was nice not to have to try with T.  Our friendship just is what it is, and I like that.  We fell into it because of our work circumstances, but at the end of the day I do find T to be a reasonable woman who knows what she wants out of life and seemingly goes after it. 

May 26, Memorial day this year is like whatever.  I never make plans for this holiday.  I thought about how I should make plans for Thanksgiving.  Go up to Big Sur for the long weekend.  Go up and take as many fucking pictures as I possibly could.  Good stuff.  I have some time for that.  Today was just running errands with my aunt.  Nothing special.  It should have been the day I drove back from Big Sur with TheDesire.  That was a bust.  I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow.

May 27, I went into work at Glendale tonight and had a funny little assignment waiting for me.  I got to walk around downtown Glendale taking pictures of electrical boxes.  These electrical boxes have been painted with designs, and someone on Admin. wanted someone to chronicle the many boxes and their designs.  Enter me, and this new kid Aaron.  We always get paired to do assignments nowadays.  He said to me, "Not gonna lie, this is a pretty cool assignment."  Definitely.  Several of the boxes are painted up really nice.  Some, not so much.  Still, it was nice to get out of the office.
I just checked my balance and as of today I have $427.13 in my bank account.  Tomorrow my car payment is due, $320.  My American Express payment is due on Saturday, $120 minimum.  What does that lave me with?  Ah, -$13 for me.  Oh sure, and tomorrow I committed to buying a pizza for TheGirl and I to eat for dinner, for our traditional Wednesday night dinner.
TheDesire posted some pictures of her trip to Seattle.  In the one above I think she looks so damn pretty.  It's that look that makes me want to give my life over to her.  Pretty stupid thing I just wrote, I admit.  However, I don't retract the sentiment of that statement.  I have always been drawn to her beauty, but now ever more so, because she only gets more beautiful every day.  I have a feeling she's not going with me that movie on Saturday.

May 28, After a little bit of a shaky start with the foundation woman at San Marino I think I'm hitting my stride with the work load she gives me.  It's just been so hard to juggle everything.  I told myself that I have to just try harder, not slack off any, and just fucking get the job done.  I was given a redesign of a website to do.  That will take a couple of weeks.  Today I counted all the tax papers we have.  I also had to make a slide for the TV and handouts for the Friends of the library as well as to warn people about the resurfacing of the parking lots outside.  I think I did a good job, the boss seemed to like my handouts.  I was juggling a lot of things today, and thankfully none of them fell.  That guy that threatened me a couple of weeks ago came into the library and was asking me questions.  I don't know if he just didn't remember me, or didn't care about our incident.  Either way, I answered his questions.
On my way to TheGirl's I picked up a pizza.  She's moving this weekend, so most of her things are already in boxes.  Tonight's dinner is the last time we'll eat in that place.  My last visit to the place where TheGirl has lived in for the past three years.  Some things are going to chance.  Like now she's living in the Valley, close to Toluca Lake.  Our routine is going to chance.  She's moving for a dog.  She has adopted a dog, and needed a back yard to house said dog.  Her rent is going to more than double.  She won't have as much money because of that and having to feed the dog.  She also won't be able to travel as far, or stay out as late, or do anything very far from this dog that needs her attention.  She has shackled herself to a living being in order to I don't know what.  She says she NEEDS this.  OK, fair enough.  She has made the choice to not bitch about her job.  She's decided to stay, while still always looking for something better of course.  It won't be a hunt for a job, like before.  In a sense she has resolved to just accept her currently job conditions.  She's also made this move to be closer to work.  Though, it's only a few miles, and now her commute will include going over the hill, which is a pain.  She might be able to miss most of the traffic on the 405, because she leaves so early for work.  But one day some dope will wrap his car around another car and she'll have to suffer though that.  Thankfully that isn't every day.  This is definitely a new era we're entering.  I was hoping to have been marching towards being hired by Beverly Hills at this point, but that didn't work out.
Lastly, TheDesire texted me while I was at work to say she can't make it on Saturday.  She was sorry, but her aunt is leaving the country and she has to be there with her family.  I don't think of TheDesire as a liar, far from it.  She's not a very good liar.  Of course, texting someone isn't seeing them in person, and that makes it easier to lie to someone.  I'm over-analyzing this right now because I really wanted to go with her to see this movie.  The main reason I bought these tickets is because I wanted to go with her to explore the Million Dollar Theater.  I REALLY want to explore the theater as well, but it would have been nice with TheDesire in tow.  Maybe I would have finally kissed her.  Oh well, now I'm dateless for this thing.

May 29, Today was not my regular easy route.  Today was TOUGH.  Here's how it went.  As soon as I entered the building I noticed it was hot.  The A/C unit was busted, it turned out, since yesterday.  I come to find out later that they can't repair the damn thing because it would cost too much.  And, what with the renovation looming, they don't want to spend money on a new A/C unit when it's going to be replaced soon anyway.  Still, now we have to deal with the heat.  And today wasn't even a hot day.  There was a nice breeze, and the sun wasn't beating down too bad.  Inside the library it was stuffy though.  If this is what we're going to have to deal with all Summer than we're fucked.  They sent me to Home Depot to pick up about 35 fans.  That pushed back my start time for the route.  I did make a few stops before picking up the fans.  I stopped by the branch where TheDesire works.  She looks so cute today.  So did the other girls working there today.  I walked in and it was three of the cuter girls in the system, and TheDesire (who is the cutest).  That made my day, kinda.  The rest of the day was an uphill struggle.  In addition to the fans I had to pick up water.  I then had to finish the route.  Today was miserable on the road.  Some dope cut me off on some slow ass move.  They just slowly moved into my lane.  It was so horrible that one of the meter maids driving around had to make a comment about how, "They think they own the road."  Then some idiot on a motorcycle was to the right of me using the bicycle lane as a passing lane.  ON MY RIGHT!  Fucking moron!  Today was rough.  I asked the girl from Brand if she wanted to go with me to the movie that TheDesire flaked on.  She said she couldn't make it because she's working.  Sucks.  Looks like I'm riding solo Saturday.  I told Ani, "You were the first person I asked."  It's a lie, but it won me points.

May 30, Today was about grinding it out in the ever warmer library.  There is talk that there MIGHT be a fix for the A/C unit that was supposedly unfixable.  It's not even hot out and we're sweating it out in the library.  Imagine how it will be when it gets to over 90?  The fans I brought in have helped a little.  The upstairs is still a sauna though.  It's not going to get any better any time soon.  After work Vagabundo and I went to get some tacos.  He forgot his wallet, and I'm short on money, but thankfully tacos aren't that expensive.  I later picked up a bottle of Maker's, we sat in my room drinking it and having a fucking good time.
I learned a couple of things today.  There were hiring for two library assistants, and two pages got the jobs.  One of them is a girl I see at Grandview, Rachel.  She just finished library school, hence her moving up now.  The organization moves people that are in library school up the ranks fast.  They feel a kinship with those who are going into the same profession they choose.  The girl that works up in Montrose with me didn't get the job.  She has good amount of experience, but they also want that school connection.  I still don't have a "date" for the movie tomorrow.  T said she would go, if she wasn't already going to Disneyland with some friends.  Vagabundo wonders why I don't make a pass at her.  I should, but of course chicken me says I shouldn't.  I'm pretty sure any move on my part is going to be met with rejection, so I'm not going to try.

May 31, I'm officially broke.  I paid a $120 American Express bill and my primary account is down to $10.  I still have money in my reserve account, but of course I don't want to spend it all.  Next Friday is payday.  I have to survive on pennies until then.  Good times.
OK, so I don't have a "date" for the movie tonight.  All my small efforts have resulted in nothing.  Vagabundo was nice enough to say he would go with me.  Good man.  I tried asking that page out from San Marino, but she just keeps asking me why I'm asking her.  Fine, I'm not asking any more.
Thankfully my buddy Vagabundo backed me up and went with me to see the movie.  He had never seen it, so it was doubly good for him.  We went to get some food first, got lost, and ended up at one of the taco places on our taco quest list.  But, the placed closed 15 minutes before we got there.  So we went to our original food destination, Guisados.  The funny thing is that getting lost gave us a little adventure through East Los Angeles.  It's really a different world out there.  They don't know what it's like to live where I live, and I don't know what it's like to live where they live.  The girls at the taco joint were kinda nice.  But then again, what girl isn't nice?
We got to the theater, where there was already a line of people waiting outside.  The theater wasn't as nice as the UA theater down the street.  Still, it was nice to go back to a place that I remembered from my youth.  The movie was great.  My buddy mentioned that TheDesire might not have appreciated some of the events at the theater.  But I think she would have.  It sure would have been a different night if I had gone with her.  Still, the night wasn't a total bust.  It was actually a pretty damn good night.  TheDesire missed out.