As months go, this could have been better.  But it certainly wasn't a bad month.  Here are the updates.

June 1, Work was work, as usual.  I got to work with one of the new girls at San Marino.  We connected thanks to food.  Both of us like to go to many different places to eat.  I had a good time talking to her about the various restaurants we've been to.  It's nice to connect with someone on some level, and with this one we have food in common.
Today was a big day for TheGirl and I.  She has a new place, and a new member of her family.  Cheyenne is a boxer, a dog that upon first sight barked at me with quite a bit of rage.  TheGirl told me not to look directly at her, but rather walk by them as we all walked up the street.  Slowly but surly the dog stopped barking at me.  Slowly the dog began to accept me.  Slowly TheGirl was able to unleash the dog and have her just walk around the new place on her own.  The dog seemingly has accepted me.  Time will tell if this takes, or if every time I visit it will be like starting at zero.  I'm not a dog person, so petting this dog certainly isn't a priority.  I was just looking not to get bit, for now that mission has been accomplished.

June 2, Work is work.  I feel so tired in the mornings that it's difficult for me to wake up on time.  I woke up a little late today and that made me 15 minutes late for work.  But, since I don't have a set schedule, except for Wednesdays and Sundays, I'm not technically late.  I have these assignments to do for San Marino, and I'm trying to juggle them all.
Everything was pretty much fine today, until I reached Montrose.  I've been wanting to not work there for a while now.  The main reason I stay is because of the money, and visiting TheGirl afterward.  Now TheGirl lives somewhere else, but I can still visit her.  However, I won't be working at Montrose for every long.  I went into work today and the boss tells me she wants to talk to me.  That's never been good.  She went on to explain to me that she won't be needing me on Mondays any more.  I wasn't hurt, and I pretended to know it was coming, but I didn't know it was coming.  The only reason I felt bad was because of the potential money I was leaving on the table.  I did the math, around $300 a month.  That's a car payment.  That's the good time I've been having lately.  That's being able to afford $100 dinners w/ my friend's.  Let's just hope I can make up some of the hours I lost working at San Marino.
After work I went over to TheGirl's new place.  She was afraid that her dog would revert to before she meet me yesterday, and cuddled with me, so she just came outside and sat in the car with me.  I can tell the stress of all this is weighing on her.  I think she's put upon herself too much of a burden.  She can barely take care of herself, let alone a dog.  In the shelter she found the dog you have the dog in moderation.  But in real life, there is no safety net.  We're still going to have dinner on Wednesday, and Disneyland on Sunday.  Hope that dog doesn't go nuts.
I put a picture of Chan monkey with my English cap on top of this because he did cheer me up when I saw hims.  Chan also cheered up TheGirl when she saw hims.

June 3, Today I went to vote and then went to work.  I started a little late because I overslept and got a late start on the day.  I didn't get start to work until 10am.  When I arrived the woman I do the special projects for says to me, "I heard you were laid off from Glendale." I said, "How did you hear that?" She told me the boss told her.  And who told her?  T did.  After our texting yesterday she mentioned it to the boss and in a sense did me a solid.  I say that because the boss offered me those hours in San Marino.  The main problem I had was losing that money, because I will certainly not miss working at Montrose.  That place doesn't have a good vibe.  The honeymoon with that place is long over.  I repeat, the worry was money.  Now that problem seems to be at least temporarily solved.  Suck it, Montrose!
While this was going on TheDesire texted me about some work business.  What's funny and significant about this text exchange is the time.  TheDesire has this whole thing about 11:11 am/pm.  I just happened to text her back at 11:11am.  My biggest wish was to be with her.  Not just to sleep with her, but to spend the rest of my life with her.  That isn't a reality now, but these little moments of contact, however slight, still make me happy.
The next significant text is from T.  She was chewed out by our boss because she's been joking that summer reading program drives her to drink.  Which it does, because of the stress.  It super sucks when this sort of thing comes out from left field, because you can't brace for it.  What I fucking hate about this is how something said in jest can be held against you.  My honeymoon was over when I said the word jackass.  Working there was never pleasant after that moment.  I feel so bad for T, since I'm pretty sure this is the first time she's had to deal with this kind of work bullshit.  I offered to buy her a drink.  She's going to need many more than she thought, what with summer reading, and now the specter of this day looming.  She did me a solid, I have to do her a solid.

June 4, Work was terrible today.  Just as it seems every week, a patron comes in at 2:15 with a passport application.  But this one wants to do something called a hand carry.  The procedure is a little different than a regular passport.  Meanwhile this old man wanted help on the computers.  He can't do the simplest thing, which is compounded by the fact that he and nearly every patron still used IE to go on the internet.  Fucking shit! I hate IE!! There was a forty minute window of time when everything just piled up.  It was harsh, but I somehow made it through.  No thanks to any help from ANYONE that I work with.  These damn clerks need to help out some more.  I used to help patrons so much in the past.  I also filtered out some stuff from the librarians, because I could do them faster.  But these new clerks don't know from that.  Bunch of lazy bastards.
It was then time for dinner with TheGirl.  I picked her up and we went to a so-so Mexican joint up the street.  We went there nearly three years ago the night I bought my car.  TheGirl's dog seemed to remember me, and didn't bark once at me during my visit.  TheGirl was SUPER happy that Cheyenne has seemingly accepted me.  I definitely won brownie points for having the dog accept me.  Now if the dog would only bite TheChisel everything would be fine.  Ha!

June 5, Today was another all out day.  I started at 8am and went until 5:30pm.  The route was pretty good, kinda on the chill side.  TheDesire looked super cute.  Last week and this week she wore pants that don't have pockets in the back, which SUPER accentuates her cute butt.  I tell you, I wished upon my lucky jeans again the other night to give me a chance with her.  Just.. a.. fucking.. chance!
Then there was this meeting I attended today that had to do with this new open roaming model for the library.  While the big idea seems like something that we should be striving for, there are things that aren't reassuring.  Like the idea of less staff doing more.  I asked what things didn't work, but the lady conducting this thing didn't really give me a good answer.  She said something about signage.  What?  THAT'S the ONLY thing that went wrong in your grand experiment?  Bullshit! I also mentioned to the group that employees need to be paid fairly, or they will not feel good about the job, and then moral is lost.  When I told Vagabundo about what I said he was surprised that I would have the gall to say such things.  They needed to be said, and I didn't see anyone else saying it.  No one in that room would say such things.  I'm not protected, but I also have no investment in any of these ideas.  To me they're all good, and all bad, until we test them and see for ourselves.
After work Vagabundo and I went to the Hat for some pastrami.  We thought about drinking, but I was too tired.  Also, I'm penniless.  Tomorrow is payday, something I've been looking forward to since last week.  Especially since I only have $15 in my main account.  Oh, I nearly forgot, the instruments needed to be delivered today.  That's what made me have to work until 5:30 today.  After the meeting I bolted out to Brand, but I was doing the delivery by myself.  Now I'm home resting, texting T about her big meeting today with the boss over at San Marino.  It went well, but the threat still looms in the distance.

June 6, News travels fast at work.  I came into work and the fella that works with me at Montrose came in and said to me, "Tough luck about those hours." He went on to mention that I wasn't the only one that was told they weren't going to be offered work hours.  So John says that to me, in Spanish, but then unknown to me at the moment, tells one of the supervisors.  Well, he can't keep it under his hat, and he goes and tells MicroManager.  Who by the end of the day was saying to me, "Meester Eric, I hear you not working at Montrose any more." I decided that if I was confronted I would tell her, and anyone else who asked, the truth.  I wasn't going to volunteer, but I would answer when asked.  After I confirmed it MicroManager tells me not to seek any hours in the branches, that she would offer me those hours on Mondays.  So now it's an "embarrassment of riches," so-to-speak.  Because San Marino offered me those hours, and now Glendale has as well.  I might go with the Glendale hours because I make more money there.  Still, San Marino has been good to me over the years, and because of that I usually give them first dibs in my mind.  I go from having those hours cut and me worrying about how I would make up the $300 or so that I would be losing a month to suddenly not having enough hours to work the hours both jobs want me to work.  It's good to be thought of as reliable.

June 7, I finally got a chance to sleep-in this morning.  My aunt started bitching about something and it reminded me that I had to work at San Marino on this website project.  I bolted out the door, with no intentions of returning until later in the evening.  I came up with some new designs.  I was going to stay until 5pm, but I stuck with my original idea of only staying until 4:30.  I was starving.  I thought about where to go, but nothing came to mind.  I hate when I'm hungry but a food preference doesn't pops into my mind right away.  It means that I'll be aimless, and will often end up eating whatever is easiest.  That guarantees that I'm going to be eating something meh.  I thought about tacos, and then I figured a yummy hot dog would hit the spot.  I didn't want to have a burger though.  I sat in my car for a few minutes trying to figure it out and then I just bolted and figured I would find something to eat.  I also knew that I wanted to stop by Glendale to visit my buddy Vagabundo, who was working an event at the library.  I knew he needed company, because it's pretty boring on the desk after hours all by yourself.  I went to a taco joint in Glendale, but the service there was super slow.  There was a group of about six or seven guys in front of me in line, as well as a girl who was not in that group.  Of the group of guys only about half of them had put in their order.  I don't know what takes a place so long to take and order and throw some meat on a tortilla.  I got out of there after waiting about five minutes.  I drove down to the Home Depot down the street to get a dirty water dog.  I saw the cart last week when I went to pick up the fans for the library.  I had two dogs and a soda.  They hit the spot.  I then drove to the library, took a short nap in my car before visiting my buddy.  I was there till a little past 9pm.  My visiting done I went and ran a couple of errands, including buying some booze.

June 8, Weeks ago TheGirl invited me to go to Disneyland today.  She didn't want to be third wheel when her daughter and daughter's boyfriend were planning on going.  Of course I tagged along.  It was nice to be back in the park with TheGirl.  I've been going a lot with T lately, but she isn't renewing her pass for a year she says.  So my Disneyland buddy will no longer be T, it will have to be either Jon or TheGirl.  I love Jon like a brother, but I do have a nice time with TheGirl there.  I did wonder, at one time of the day, what it would be like to come here with TheDesire.  She still lingers in my thoughts.  I saw a post on FB this morning that she's planning on going on a trip to Costa Rica.  If only I had the bread to go, I would so invite myself.  TheGirl and I went around for a bit, and then had some drinks at the Carthay Circle bar.  She mentioned to me that she hadn't had sex in her new place yet.  I was coy and said I was sure she would soon.  Then she said, "Perhaps Wednesday," meaning when I go for dinner.  I told her it wasn't out of the picture.  She liked that.  We'll see if it actually happens.  We capped off the day at Disneyland with some Dole whip.  I didn't have room in my belly for a churro, but there's always next time.  My car reached the 65,000 mile mark today, and it's fitting that it was accomplished on my way to Disneyland today.  My car and I have had a great run in those 65,000 miles.  A lot of good times.  The best miles have definitely been Big Sur miles.  Nothing can compare to those miles.

June 9, I did a little work at San Marino today.  Mostly trying to do this website thing.  Right now it's a shell.  More will be added later.  After San Marino I went up to Montrose.  I only have a four more trips up here after tonight.  The countdown begins.  I can't wait to leave Montrose.  Once again I did something bad in the boss' eyes.  I had a soda from lunch with me.  I had it on the desk to make it easier to drink.  I didn't want to bend over every few minutes to pick up the cup from the ground.  Right away she says in, "Could you take that off the desk?" It's no big deal, but it's those little things that get me about this place.  So yeah, I'll be glad when I don't have to come up here any more.
I did "meet" the new page.  I put it in quotes because no one deemed it necessary to introduce me to her.  Certainly I'm nearly out the door, but the boss could have said this is so and so.  Because of this we shared the desk but didn't really interact.  I will say that she's mildly attractive.  She's thin, seems to have a nice figure.  However, she also has a blank look to her face.  She's probably smart, but the only time I heard her voice was when she was talking to the boss.  And when she was talking to the boss her voice was pleasant.  The few things she said to me were more sharp, in a not so friendly manner.  I'm out of there anyway.  Still, if she wants to get fucked I'd fuck her.

June 10, I showed my sorta boss, boss on this project that is, the website she asked me build.  She liked it, but it still needs a LOT of work.  She also liked the logo I created, but of course had to throw in her two cents worth and say that it needed some work.  She was right when she suggested a change.  Sometimes you get too close to a project to be able to step away from it and objectively look at it any more.  I have until next week to come up with a better version of the site.
Then came job two.  I delivered the instruments from a different library than where I dropped them off last week.  Apparently TheDesire and a coworker moved them to a different branch using their own cars.  After the move she told me that she had a new found appreciation for me moving those instruments.  Here's how I told my buddy, Vagabundo, about it via text.

Me: TheDesire moved the instruments on Sat and told me she has a new appreciation for my delivery of them
Vagabundo: Duh! SMH
Me: she looked happy, said she has been "productive"
Vagabundo: Coolness
Me: I'm not sure what to name the phenomenon when I like her more each time I see her *sigh*
Vagabundo: Nostalgia?  The persistence of longing?  Implacable desire?
Me: yeah... unquenchable thirst
Vagabundo: Hoist thy flask

There was something else I told him earlier in the day, and here's what I said, "For me TheDesire represents: the unattainable, a 2nd chance to get things right, a wish, a connection to all things beautiful." The thing is, when I look at TheDesire my heart really soars, as cliche as that sounds now that I wrote it.  It's like ten times more than when I see any other attractive girl.  Any other girls I see throughout the day I evaluate and think, "She's pretty, nice, attractive, I'd like to get to know her." But with TheDesire, that one I just want to be with for the rest of my life.  Course this all could be a case of wanting something you can't have.  Or it could be that I feel a genuine connection with her, one I think she feels as well but won't allow herself to act on it.
Lastly, I sent TheGirl the above picture of Chan waiting for me in my car, along with the comment that the motel we stay in when we go to Monterey is wondering when I'm going to book another trip.  Cute monkey picture, right?  Throwaway comment, correct?  Well, she turned all serious and emailed me back saying, "You and Chan are going to have to go without me for a while.  Me has to get my shit together.  Be patient, please." I asked her later what that was all about and she said that she won't be able to take any trips for a while because of her new dog and the money she is spending to pay rent at her new place.  I was just fooling around, not telling her to force her to feel bad about not being able to travel right now.  If I had the dough I'd pay for the whole trip, but now of course we have the dog to worry about.  I don't know why she thinks I'm not patient, I'm very patient.

June 11, Time for a new round of computer classes with seniors.  At the end of last semester I was frustrated with the class, because I felt that I didn't teach the seniors that showed up to my class a thing.  I think the break was good for me.  And perhaps next semester I'll be teaching these seniors the iPad instead.  I worked the desk, but I can't think of anything that I want to voice here that happened.  It was a pretty standard shift.
Then came dinner with TheGirl at her new place.  I thought it would be a disaster, what with her dog wanting to pounce on me every other minute.  But drinking nearly a bottle of wine took the edge off of the night, for sure.  It's certainly not the same as in the past without the dog.  Now we have this whole other being that wants constant attention.  It's wearing on TheGirl.  She needs a break from her attention wanting dog.  She told me that it will be a long time before she can go on any trips.  Of course.  And who will take care of the dog while she's away for a weekend?  The dog is certainly not ready to travel in my car.  And quite frankly, I don't want it along for the ride.  I can see why TheGirl was afraid this dog would come between us.  It's not going to be at my hands though.  TheGirl made the choice to adopt this dog, now she's tied down by it.  I don't make these kind of commitments because I don't have the time to give.

June 12, There isn't much to report today.  The weather was nice, so it made the route today super nice.  There were a lot of items, but I still ended up being ahead of schedule at the end of the day.  TreasuryGirl was looking nice today.  She wore a top that when she looked down let me see a nice view of her cleavage.  I mean a really nice view.  Fuck, she is hot.  I nearly threw an invite her way.  I really love TheDesire to be with me, but at the same time I can't wait around hoping.  If it's meant to be, yadda yadda yadda.
Of course I saw TheDesire today.  She was nice, texted me early on my route to ask if I had any of those bins we use for donations.  Apparently she had a bunch.  I told her I would do what I could do.  I look at her and I try to analyze what her look back to me means.  I hope that it means she likes me in some way.  That if not for certain cultural restrictions she might give me a chance.  That's what I hope, I don't honestly know.  I think I'm good at reading people, but with her I what I read it tainted because of my want for it to be one thing rather than another.

June 13, Work was the typical Friday stuff.  But there was some added stuff that went pretty well.  A few weeks ago a woman at my San Marino job asked me to find out some information about the former director of the Glendale library.  She asked because I mentioned that I worked there as well.  Today I was able to ask another one of the former Glendale directors his address.  She had it, and gave it to me.  Good deed, done! Things were rolling pretty good after that.
After work I went home after talking to my buddy Dane until nearly 8:30pm.  By the time I got off my exit on the freeway I found that I was just in time to take advantage of McD's two big macs for the price of one deal.  The drive-thru line was completely packed.  I thought about shinning this thing on, but I was already in line, so I stayed.  I'm glad too, the burgers were yummy.  When I arrived home a few minutes later I turned on the TV and remembered the Kings were playing.  I sat down and within five minutes the Kings won the game and the Stanley Cup.  Fucking great timing today.

June 14, I worked the morning shift on the San Marino desk today.  Which meant getting off work at 2pm.  I decided to take a drive down to Langer's downtown to eat a yummy sandwich.  I arrived and found a long line of people waiting outside.  I didn't want to wait that long for food.  But, I was anyway.  I walked up to the counter, thinking they needed my name for the line, but at the same time I figured I would ask if it was OK to go straight to the counter, which had a couple of spaces open.  The girl let me go, saying something like sure go right ahead.  Later my waitress was telling another guy that did the same thing I did that that move isn't kosher.  Oops! Oh well, sometimes having that gall gets things done.
The sandwich itself, known as #19 sandwich (pastrami on rye, with swiss cheese and cole slaw, with a hint of Russian dressing), was awesome.  A real piece of gastro art.  I tried to take in Langer's in its entirety.  I watched a guy behind the counter slice several big chucks of pastrami with a knife.  He is a maestro with a knife.  I watched the cooks assemble a mountain of orders and square them away in what felt like an instant.  It was an all encompassing experience.

June 15, I normally work the desk on Sundays.  But, the guy I covered for yesterday, Stash, insisted that he could go to work for me today.  I didn't protest since he seemed to be determined to go into work today.  I told him I still had to go into work, but could do my work either on the desk or in the office.  I ended up going to the office and doing most of my work there.  I was only on the reference desk to cover my coworker's breaks.  It was cool, better than doing actual work today.
One of my coworkers mentioned Father's day was today.  I did know that it was father's day.  But of course I don't celebrate it at all.  Even when my Father was alive, I didn't celebrate this throw-away holiday.  All I know is that I never wanted to be like him.. ever.  I think I've done done a good job not following in his footsteps.

June 16, In my drunken stupor I texted TheDesire that I wanted to go to the Hollywood Bowl.  I didn't even say it would be with her, but she took it to mean I wanted to go with her.  Which is correct.  She mentioned that it was an activity that should be done with a "significant other." Why would she go with me, I'm not a significant other.  She reserves the right to go to the Bowl with only a significant other.  It nearly ruined my day to read that.  I told myself that I need to back off for a while.  I need to think about her.  I need to once and for all forget that I have a chance with her.  Because, it's that little bit of hope that makes me continue down this dead-end path.
My one small victory today came when I was able to fix the A/V system in the community room.  The darn thing wouldn't allow control from the podium of the DVD player.  We need this control in order to not be stuck in a closet working the controls.  I checked and rechecked all the connections.  I looked to see if any of the wires were loose, but everything was fine.  It was like the system just didn't want to work.  After nearly forty minutes of trying to figure this out I finally gave up and just figured I would pull the plug and reset everything.  If that didn't work I was going tell the boss I couldn't figure this out.  Sure enough, pulling the plug did the trick.  The system reset and everything was fine.  It was a small victory, but after the whole TheDesire thing I needed something.
I went to Montrose after work.  I was dead tired, and took a nap upon arriving at the parking lot.  Waking up from that nap was incredibly difficult.  The countdown has begun for me not working at this branch.  Counting today I only have to work here four more times.  I walked into work today and I didn't say hi to anyone.  The new girl doesn't say hi to me, and neither does the boss, so why should I make the effort to say hi to them?  I'm so gone.
I visited TheGirl and her dog.  The dog was all over me, and TheGirl mentioned how the dog needs to learn to calm down.  I went home, talked to my buddy on the phone, ate and then jerked off.  I was so tired that I fell asleep as I was jerking off.  I woke up about twenty minutes later and finished jerking off.  I'm so tired these days I can't even jerk off without falling asleep.

June 17, My pseudo supervisor didn't show again today.  I'm cool with that.  I am still working on her project though.  But in a quiet moment I went ahead and checked out the Hollywood Bowl schedule.  I found something I liked, and I bought tickets to it.  I know I won't end up going with TheDesire.  Who I should start called the FormerDesired.  I'll wait for that.  I still kinda like calling her TheDesire, because she does represent that.  Anyway, I have my tickets for August 31st at the Bowl.  I'll probably end up going with TheGirl, but I would rather go with TreasuryGirl.
After job one I went to job two, Glendale.  It was easy the first hour, since I was on the circulation desk. But then I was the man that had to deal with a special delivery.  The delivery was going to be a couple of items, but then my supervisor added more, since I was already going "out there." A simple delivery turned into a more complex delivery, that took two and a half hours.  In addition to the art pieces I had to deliver, I also picked up some stuff from the printers, delivered some other boxes filled with books, and bought water.  I went home totally beat.
TheGirl and I used to text a lot during any given day.  That went down to a small bunch of messages during the day, and more at night when she's already home.  I texted her today to say I was checking in on her and that we don't text like we used to.  She mentioned that she missed that, but she also knew why we didn't.  I wasn't sure what she was talking about at this point, so I asked her.  Her next text just say, "Let's have sex... oops." I told her, "Done and done." I suppose this means we're going to have sex again soon.  I'm mentally prepared, because I won't be emotionally attached any more.  However, I'm NOT physically prepared.  I'm fat, I have zero stamina these days.  I've let myself go for the good life of good fattening food and booze.  All well and good, but I'm not sure I'll be able to perform when and if the time comes.  Wish me luck.

June 18, Had to get to work early for a Wednesday because we had our monthly meeting.  It was chill.  I was praised for my work on the A/V system.  After my class I had lunch and took a much needed nap.  I park my car across the street from the library on this super shady street that is perfect for a nice nap.  I worked my shift, which thankfully didn't involve dealing with stupid passports.  It got a little hairy there for about forty minutes, but then cooled down.  It was pretty chill for the last hour and a half.  Just how I like it.
I then bolted out of there and went to TheGirl's for dinner.  I told her I would buy dinner tonight if we went to Aroma in Studio City.  We haven't been there in about a year, perhaps nearly two.  The food there is pretty nice.  Nothing super great, but good.  We sat outside in the patio, chatting about the day and how she's trying to make ends met.  And the possibility of going back up to SF at the end of the summer.  She asked me if I had to choose would I want to go to Big Sur or SF.  I REALLY want to go back up to Big Sur, but she thinks we've exhausted Big Sur.  Oh no we haven't.  There's still so much to explore.  However, I would like to return to SF.  So it is a toss up, in a sense.
After dinner we returned to her place to chill.  I wondered when she might say something about her let's have sex text from the other day.  Her dog wanted to lick my face too badly.  I don't play that though.  I told her, "How do you expect to get some if your dog is doing this," and I meant jumping all over us.  She volunteered that she hasn't even used her vibrator since she doesn't know how the dog is going to react to that sound.  Ultimately we didn't sleep together, which kinda sucks.  I was so stuffed with food that I couldn't move, so it was probably for the best we weren't intimate.

June 19, Today was up and down.  My stomach was churning up a lot of air, which caused me to burp nearly the entire route.  It wasn't until nearly 2pm that my stomach finally settled down.  I didn't even have lunch.  I was also super tired.  And also didn't feel anywhere near normal until around 2pm.  I'm still tired now, so here are the highlights.
TreasuryGirl should replace TheDesire as the object of desire.  She's as pretty, if not more pretty, than TheDesire.  She certainly has a killer body.  She seems nice, but of course being an Armeanie I probably have zero chance.  Ani and I had a nice little conversation, and she is possibly going to go to Carmel with me.  It all started when I showed up to her branch.  I have a semi hard-on.  The door was locked at the branch, and as she bent down to open it I noticed looked right at the bulge in my pants.  I bent down to kinda meet her, but also hide it a little, but it was seen and couldn't be unseen.  I caught a glimpse of her cleavage and that was it, full hard-on and full view in her face as I stood up.  She noticed it, alright.  Later I told her about this deal that H sent me that included two nights in Carmel for about $250.  Good fucking deal.  I told her I didn't have anyone to go with.  I asked her she she wanted to go, and she said yes.  But, that it was strictly PG.  I joked, "Well forget that then." She mentioned that if I wanted that I would have to pay something crazy.  She might have said something like $100k.  I asked, "Can I pay on installments?" She liked that, and laughed.  "How are you going to pay me?  Bonds, cash, gold," she asked me.  I told her, "All three." I went ahead and bought the deal, now I have to get my ass in gear and set a date and tell her.  The deal I bought is for October through December.  I do have the hots for this girl, despite the fact that she isn't what is usually my type.  But as my buddy and I have said, she seems like a really good time.  We shall see.
I nearly forgot to mention TheDesire.  I went to her branch, and didn't see her.  She was out in her car, so I was told.  Better for me, I don't want to deal with her right now.  I want some time between us so I can purge my feelings for her.  I should have done it a long time ago, but I'm stupid like that.  I escaped without having to see her today, so I thought.  I went to the next branch and they had four bins that needed to go the previous branch.  I had no energy for this, but felt I had to do it.  Hence my returning to TheDesire's branch.  Of course she was there.  I went in, left the bins in the corner, and quickly got out of there.  I didn't add any pleasantries, I didn't linger to talk to her, I just got in and bolted.  She went right to the books and didn't even try to talk to me either.  So yeah, fuck all this shit.  Done, I'm done pinning away for her.
After work I went to dinner with my coworker So-so.  I inhaled a margarita and ate some chilaquiles.  We talked, gossiped really, about work.  After dinner I went back to my car with the intention of taking a nap, and getting sober.  I fell asleep for two hours.  Guess I needed that rest.  Tomorrow, pay day!

June 20, My formally trusted coworker So-so threw me under the bus today.  She involved me in a joke that didn't have a punchline.  All it served to do was to get me in trouble with MicroManager.  The above text from my coworker actually doesn't tell much of the story.  It's hard to describe, but suffice to say she started out with some bullshit about how if I talk too much that one should treat me like a puppy and hit me.  That set-up a later encounter where So-so talked to me and said out loud, "Oh shut up.. you talk too much," right as MicroManager was standing next to her.  Of course MicroManager follows that lead and throughout the day she would mention how this such thing was my fault because I was talking.  As for instance, the truck that holds the adult books had three children's books, that I didn't check-in when I had that duty.  But right away MicroManager says, "Look, meester Eedic, you did missed these because you talking too much." Fucking bullshit! I had nothing to do with those books.  I didn't even check them in.  And furthermore, we ALL fucking make mistakes! No one there is perfect, least of all dummy MicroManager.  I've caught her make a bunch of mistakes.  She's also not very good with the patrons.  She's downright horrid with them.  But of course I'M the FUCKING problem because I talk too much.  I spent the rest of my shift not talking to anyone.  And I HAVE to remember not to talk to anyone ever again in that office.  Fuck these fucking shit bags!
For the rest of the day I also tried to make good things happen.  First a lady wanted to buy a video from the sale's shelf.  She didn't have a dime, so I paid for it.  Then a homeless guy needed to have an access number texted to him so he could access his email.  I let him use mine.  Lastly, a cute girl who lost her keys needed to make a few copies, but she didn't have a cent.  Again, I dipped into my own pocket and paid for her copies.  These three things helped me feel better about the stupidity of this fucking job.  Not getting that Beverly Hills job doesn't kill me on most days.  But on days like today when I wish I could be far away from this fucking job it does hurt that I didn't even get to interview for the job.

June 21, Today is the first day off I've had in two weeks.  And of course it was ruined by family events.  I nearly pretended to go to work to avoid being here at home.  But, thankfully the visit was short.  Still, I could have gone and done something fun, not just sit around all morning waiting for late the late afternoon visit.  My family arrived at 4pm and left at around 5:30pm.  So it made for a fast visit.  However, my entire day was shot.  I didn't know what I would have done, but at least I would have thought about what I could do if I wasn't saddled with having to stay home waiting for my family to show.
My buddy did come over after his shift ended.  We went and got something to eat, then drank some whiskey while watching some stuff on TV.  I showed him some pictures from my first Big Sur trip, pictures I'm working on so I can post them on this site.  I don't know if I can wait until November to go up to Carmel.  I know that's the date I'm shooting for to go with Ani, but I would really love to go sometime in August or September.  I know TheGirl can't go, but who needs to go with her?

June 22, I definitely have Big Sur on my mind.  Especially after working on those photos I plan on posting on the site.  Everything is all set to post the pictures I took during my first trip to Big Sur in 2012.  I tried calling the hotel with my deal to set-up my reservation for November.  I'm shooting for November 7th.  Since I didn't get them on the phone today I'll try tomorrow.
Work, meanwhile, was chill.  Not too many questions needed answers.  I got a little work done on the pages for the Big Sur photos page.  I posted the pages as soon as I arrived home.  You can check them out in IMG_171 section.  At this time I posted them, but I also want to have some words go along with the pictures, to tell the story of that first trip up the coast.
What sucks is having to still go to Montrose this Monday and next.  I haven't wanted to work there for a while now.  I now have my wish, but the time spent there is awkward and filled with deafening silence.  Terrible.

June 23, Monday at San Marino is supposed to be chill.  Supposed to be.  When I arrived today I was trusted into having to set-up the 4th of July ticket sale's table.  Every year the city puts on a fireworks display, and we sell tickets at the library.  Today is the first day of sales, but nothing had been set-up at the time that I got to work.  My coworker and I jumped into the process and got everything ready.  I also had to give her a quick training session.  I was doing my former supervisor's job, mind you.  He should have had this set-up already.  But he doesn't seem to care about anything.  After that fire I had to deal with a passport patron that was being difficult.  And I do mean difficult.  She was trying to tell us that she didn't need a required document, when she did.  It's not like we don't do this EVERY FUCKING DAY! Of course WE don't know ANYTHING! Argh! It's so stupid that she thinks she knows more about the passport process than those who work on this every fucking day.  I may not be an expert, but I certainly knew the stuff she was asking about.  Anyway, by the time she came back with the required document my boss was dealing with her.  Stupid.
I booked my Carmel trip for November 7th.  I told Ani that I set the day and she mentioned having to save enough money for the trip.  I'm hoping she does, but if not then I'll see who goes with me.  I do like this girl even though she is NOT the typical girl type I like.  Her extra weight doesn't bother me, mainly because I just find her to be so fucking sexy.  I think we could have a good time fucking.  Our personalities might not mesh, but I'm not looking for anything serious now.  I've tried that and failed.  It's time for some good times without all the commitment.
It's coming down to the the last couple of times I'll have to work at Montrose.  The new page there has been really stand-offish with me.  I don't mind since I'm out the door anyway.  Tonight she did talk to me, and she was nice.  Imagine that! I hate to say it, because she was so stand-offish, but she is attractive.  She has a nice figure, a nice face, if you take off the silly nerd glasses.  I don't know, I would certainly like sleeping with her.  Yeah, but that's not going to happen.
Lastly, a visit to TheGirl.  Her dog seems to be improving by the day.  I'm glad the dog is acting better.  Today TheGirl's friend that still works with me announced that she's retiring.  And, TheGirl also told me that, her husband is sick.  She most likely won't be back to work after today.  At least she escaped.

June 24, No having to jump in and put out fires at work today.  Today was the antithesis of last Friday, when it seemed I could do no right.  My San Marino shift was pretty chill.  No having to set-up ticket booths in less than five minutes.  No having to deal with crummy patrons who think they know better than we do at the library about passports.  I hate when people question something we do every day.  "Are you sure I have to do" such and such?  Ah, yeah I'm sure.  Fucking shit! I work here.  I answer these questions 20 times a day.  Patrons just think they're slick, and want to get away with something because they don't want to pay their fines, turn in their book because they're not done reading it, and pretty much think the library should revolve around them.  Well, it doesn't.  But.. thankfully today I didn't have to deal with that.  Not even at Glendale, where I was as quiet as a monk.  One of the new pages told me that he was also told he talks too much.  Fucking bullshit! The people that tell me I talk to much, the MicroManager, is the most guilty of talking.  The full timers do NOTHING but talk all day.  It's how we deal with shit.  But of course it's good for them, not for me.  Fucking shit! Like I said, today wasn't like that though.  Except for me not talking.  At one point three really cute patrons showed up, each girl cuter than the last.  At the end of the night MicroManager asked me what my last day at the Montrose branch was going to be.  She wanted to know so she could up me on the schedule for Mondays at Central.  We're going to talk about it on Friday.  And now, time for some rest.  135 days until Carmel.

June 25, Today was another long day at San Marino.  I teach my computer class first, then have something to eat, and then on the desk for my reference shift.  And so often they forget to give me a break.  Or my break comes at 4pm, like today.  Which makes the break useless since I've nearly worked my entire shift without a break.  Having one at the end is bullshit.
Tonight was another dinner with TheGirl.  Nothing huge to report except that her dog is acting better, and by that I mean behaving better.  She's still trying to lick my face, but at least now she seems a little more calm.  TheGirl did mention how much she misses cuddling with me.  Once again she also mentioned how she hasn't had sex in her new place.  I'm sure that will chance soon.  TheHusband is visiting her.  I'm sure one of these nights she's gonna want to fuck and he will help her out with that.  I'm not worried about possibly getting a piece.  It's not a priority.  If I sleep with her good, if not, good as well.  I'm still a significant part of TheGirl's life, but I must say that I have done a good job reestablishing my life after she stopped hanging out with me on the weekends.  There was a time when we were no longer in a relationship when we still hung out pretty often.  But she slowly devoted those weekends to TheChisel.  And I was brushed aside.  These days she wants to get closer to me, like I wanted to get closer to her once upon a time.  I'm keeping my emotional distance this time.  No need to fall in love all over again when I already know how this story is going to end.
I did bring Chan in from the car tonight.  TheGirl's dog has to understand that Chan is a HUGE part of our lives, as much as the dog is now.  By the end of the night TheGirl had Chan petting the dog.  Before dinner I placed Chan on top of TheGirl's fridge.  He's such a cute stuffed monkey.

June 26, Thursdays are now extra delivery day at the library.  Mainly because the other drivers bitch about their regular deliveries, let alone any extra stuff.  So, MicroManager only trusts me to do this shit, because she knows I won't protest.  I don't mind it because it means more money at the end of the day.  Also, it was nice being associated with delivering such things as the musical interments because there was a connection to TheDesire.  Today it was a special delivery to the art library up in the hills.  There weren't too many items, it's just that they were heavy and it took some time to get them off the truck.  I flirted with that girl that works up there.  She told me she is going to work fewer hours, and the first thought is that I won't see her as often.  As I was walking away from where she was standing to get my delivery done I turned back to check her out and she caught me checking her out.  A small smile came to her face.  I really want to sleep with her.

June 27, Today my Glendale supervisor, MicroManager, told me that she is going to give me the hours I lost at Montrose.  She wants me to work 4pm to 8pm on Mondays. I can certainly use the money.  Those lost hours up in Montrose represent a car payment.  Thankfully I won't be losing those hours now.  However, it does suck that I have now been drawn closer to the spider sitting in the middle of the spider's web that is central.  My buddy and I rarely get to work together these days.  Mainly because even when we work on the same day we're never on desk at the same time.  Today we shared the circulation desk for two hours, first hour of the day and last.
After a hard day's work my buddy and I decided to get some food.  He let me pick out a place, and I picked a place called Dog Haus.  I've been to the one by PCC, but this one was in old town. It had a bar, and I figure I would be drinking, though I ended up not having a drop.  The burgers were OK.  We talked, ate our food, and then decided to get some pie. We drove to Pie n' Burger and bought an entire pie, which we were going to split.  We went back to my house, had some pie and some whiskey.  Good damn time, what with us being nice and yummy.  It got late, and the both of us had curfews.  My buddy went home and I went to brush my teeth.  As I'm going into the bathroom my aunt comes out of her room and says, "It's late, remember you have work tomorrow."  At that moment I just wanted to shove her on the ground or something. I FUCKING KNOW I HAVE WORK TOMORROW!  I told her!  And I know my limits.  It was barely 1am.  Work was at 10am.  I've functioned on fewer hours than that.  At that moment I really just needed her to mind her own business.  Actually, that goes for always.  She needs to stop and just mind her own business.  I know what I'm doing.  She's the one that's all befuddled.

June 28, I signed up for a few hours on the ticket desk today.  I did it for the money and to get out of the house.  My aunt says the most obvious things to me, and it drives me nuts.  So I've decided to more work and by that get out of the house more.  I only worked for a few hours, because I already had plans to get myself some yummy food at Disneyland.  The ticket shift was easy money. After my short shift I drove down to Disneyland to eat a Monte Cristo.  It was damn yummy.  I don't think I've had one of these sandwiches in over a year.  That's not fair.  I eat, enjoyed the view, and then walked around the park a little.  I only went on one attraction, the Haunted Mansion, and then felt tired.  I went into a few of the shops looking for I don't know what.  I then felt even more tired.  So I bought myself a churro and drove back to Glendale.  I saved a portion of my sandwich so I could let my buddy have it.  He was working a long shift, until 10pm, today.  I figured he would be hungry for some yummy Monte Cristo.  He scarfed it down when I arrived at the library and handed him the to-go box.  He loved it.
Getting to the library was an ordeal.  Some idiot rammed his car into some contraction on the 5, and the repair/clean-up caused me to get stuck in traffic for over an hour.  I would have taken an alternate route, but my stupid traffic app said that there was no traffic on the 5 where the accident was.  Fucking app cost me an hour.  I nearly fell asleep at the wheel while stuck in traffic.  Fucking bullshit!
While at the library with my buddy I mentioned this and how my aunt thankfully didn't find my bottle of whiskey, that I stupidly left by my chair in my room.  Thankfully, the placement may have hid it from my aunt.  I'm not sure, because she didn't say anything when I got home.  If she saw it she's not revealing that fact tonight.
Lastly I post a picture of "the ladies of the Glendale public library." I do work with some cute girls.  That is, depending on your taste.  I am quite drawn to dark hair, but I'm also drawn to red hair.  I don't work with any red heads though.  TheDesire is in this picture, along with TheGirl's former friend, and a couple of other girls from work that have crazy nice figures.  As I was saying to my buddy today, I've been good in that I haven't contacted TheDesire in about two weeks.  I've done a good job purging the feelings I had for her ever since that night I drunk texted her about going to the Hollywood Bowl with me.  I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere with her since of course the night I finally asked her out.  But I hoped beyond hope that I still could win her over.  Now that I know in my heart that I don't have a chance with her I decided to let go of hope.  Sometimes hope makes you do good things.  Sometimes it makes you do dumb things.  In the case of TheDesire it certainly made me do dumb things, like pine away for a woman that I have zero chance with.  It's my pattern in life.  However, in my older age I now know how to let go.  I'm glad I learned that lesson.

June 29, I've never done a storytime for kids at my jobs.  I didn't think it was that hard, but apparently it's not JUST a story.  It's a story, songs, dances, crafts.  Oh my, we're certainly not in Kansas anymore.  Today I nearly had to jump in and do a storytime for the kids, because we thought the bosses hadn't assigned it to anyone.  But it turned out my partner on the desk was assigned the job.  However, she wasn't prepared.  However, thankfully she didn't need to be, because another coworker was going to do it.  Crisis averted.
After work I went home to meet up with my buddy O for some dinner.  He lives in San Diego, and when he comes up to Los Angeles to visit his mother we have dinner at Tommy's.  It is damn good.  We came back home and talked about our failed relationships, and our non-relationship.  Neither of us have any prospects.  I certainly don't have the hope of TheDesire suddenly changing her mind.  TheGirl is not a long term thing.  If anything she's a crutch, that prevents me from really searching.  But quite frankly, my buddy and I said it, we're no longer catches (assuming we were ever catches to begin with).  We're past our prime.  To the point that I'm sure women now assess us as damaged goods.  Why?  Because we're past forty, never married, only one serious relationship in our lives, that obviously didn't last too long, and we're old.  Sure, I'm earning more than I ever have in my life.  But I still don't have the economic resources to establish a family.  So it would seem that this is how I'm going to spend the rest of my life... alone. I know I've said that in the past, but now it's not just me saying it, it's the Universe.  I'm reading the writting on the wall now.  It's done, over.  I'm alone.  There are worse things in life.

June 30, Last day of the month was pretty uneventful.  Work was work at San Marino.  Nothing much to report from there.  Today was my last official day at the Montrose branch.  I'm not going to sit here and say it was bittersweet.  It wasn't.  It's just done.  I have to cover a shift in two weeks, but after that no more branches for me.  I won't miss Montrose as much as I might have missed it a few months ago.  Today was just another shift. I did take Chan into the library with me at San Marino. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm nuts now.  But Chan is very important in my life, and I love hims more than I love most people.