November came in after a super busy October, where I worked and worked and worked.  The work slowed down, which gave me time to have some adventures.  Big Sur, TheDesire, and pastrami were features of November.  Also, I added a bunch of pictures to the IMG_171 section of the site.  On to the update.

Sat Nov, 1, Earlier in the week my buddy said, "We're going to Brent's, that's it."  Bold statement.  We've been on a pastrami tour for a while now.  Two single guys, but instead of a quest for pussy, we're on a quest for pastrami.  In the morning I woke up late.  I woke up yesterday with a tickle in my throat, so today I told myself that I would rest the most I could before my buddy came by.  But, of course my aunt had to ruin my plans.  This is why I'm not telling her that I'm going on my trip next week.  Maybe I'll leave her a note Friday morning.  Fucking shit!  I went to the store, did a couple of errands and went home ready to go.  What pissed me off about my aunt today was when she came into my room and told me, "You know why you have a cold?  Because you sleep with your window open at night."  Oh really?  It doesn't matter that I have to deal with fifty people a day that are sick a work!  That doesn't count for shit, huh?  That statement got me really worked up and that's when I showered and left.  As I got up she said, "What's wrong?"  Oh, fuck it!
After my buddy showed up we bolted to a wine joint to get some booze.  We ended up buying some booze and then going to getting the most delicious pastrami sandwich since Langer's.  My buddy has been telling me about Brent's deli in the Valley for months now.  He swears by it.  He wasn't kidding.  That is a fucking fine sandwich.  I loved it at first bite.  It is a piece of culinary art.  Perhaps the best pastrami sandwich I've ever had.  After Brent's we went to my house to do a little drinking.  We bought a bottle of something called Monkey Shoulder.  It was supposed to be smooth, and once again something lived up to its reputation.  Monkey Shoulder is a wonderful whiskey.  It also didn't hit me as hard as Maker's Mark, which is what we usually drink.  We ended the night early, because the both of us had work the next day.  I will not soon forget the pastrami I had tonight.
Oh, one last thing about the picture above.  I got Chan to pose with the bottle of Monkey Shoulder.  Because hims cute.

Sun Nov, 2, Work was whatever.  The main thing I was waiting for today was going with TheDesire to this Rise of the Jack O' Lanterns thing.  She asked me to get a ticket for her friend as well.  I was just hoping the friend wasn't a guy.  I went to Tommy's for dinner, and still had nearly two hours to kill before I meet up with TheDesire and her friend.  I drove up to Descanso gardens to scope out the scene.  I then drove and parked the car close to the Descanso.  I took a nap, which felt really good.  Naps are awesome.  TheDesire told me she was on her way, and I went to Descanso to park the car.  They had me park in a non-spot.  It was a cold night.  I waited for TheDesire and her friend at the main entrance.  Every time I thought I saw TheDesire I would see a guy next to that silhouette and my heart would drop.  I so didn't want her friend to be a guy, even though I already knew it was a female friend.  We went in.  TheDesire looked cute, as always.  She mentioned wanting to have four kids.  I think she's telling that to everyone these days, because my coworker that had lunch with her last week mentioned that to me.  It's so frustrating to hear talk about a future and not hear it include me.  Story of my life though.  In my life I've desired so many women.  Some just to bed, others to spend the rest of my life with.  TheGirl was both, at different times of our relationship.  At first she was just a fuck.  Then she was the woman I loved.  I wanted to spend the rest of my life with TheGirl.  For a while I've focused on TheDesire, hoping to make her the one I would spend the rest of my life with.  But I seriously doubt there's some woman that's ever going to fit that bill. After the Jack O' lanterns TheDesire was talking about some dessert she had in the past.  She invited me, and met her and her friend at Fred 62 in Los Feliz.  TheGirl once told me about that place, but I've never been.  Like I say a lot these days, "I've driven by it."  TheDesire ordered two of waffle ice cream topped thingies, and three fries.  I was still stuffed from dinner, and told her to just make it two.  Her friend and her didn't even finish the second place of fries.  I didn't finish my waffle thingie either.  It was huge, but tasty.  It had some sort of carmel sauce on it, and three scoops of ice cream.  It was tasty.  TheDesire thanked me for including them in my "tourist in my own town" tour.  I want to include her in everything.  It's so hard at the end of the night to not just grab her and tell her I need her in my life.  Not that such a thing would help my cause.  Still, it was a great night.

Mon Nov, 3, TheDesire texted me today to tell me the above.. that she had too much fun.  I wish that meant she wanted me in her life forever.  I think I have to stop being such a fool.  One thing is to be a dreamer, and to make that dream possible.  But then there are times when no matter what the effort it's just not going to happen.  I just don't have the tools it takes to win her over.
There isn't much to report about the rest of the day.  I went over to TheGirl's after work, as per usual.  She asked me how my weekend was.  I told her what happened, leaving out TheDesire hanging out with me yesterday.  She told me that she couldn't make it to our traditional Wednesday night dinner, because she's going to celebrate TheHusband's birthday.  She said, "I'll see you next Monday."  I didn't tell her I'm going up to Carmel.  It's none of her business.  She doesn't tell me about how she still hangs out with TheChisel, or whoever she hangs out with on the weekend.  Our lives aren't intertwined any more.  She did mention something about bullshit artist, which I think meant TheChisel.  She texted me this weekend to ask, "Why must I have so much drama in my life."  I told her to walk away from it.  She texted back that she did.  Hmm, time will tell.  Not that it's any skin off my nose at this point, but I will still feel a satisfaction when TheChisel is out of her life for keeps.  Ha, the thing is, I'm sure he's not out of her life.

Tue Nov, 4, The big news tonight is that this driving the route on Tuesday might be a real thing soon.  MicroManager came up to me during my shift and told me that she would like to know if I could drive the route on Tuesdays.  I told her I would have to ask San Marino if it would be OK to move my schedule.  Really I'm not sure I want to drive on Tuesdays.  I'd gain two hours, but I'd also be losing them somewhere else in my schedule.  Also, there are other considerations.  Could I change?  I'm sure San Marino wouldn't mind that much.  I don't do much on Tuesday mornings.  My one official task on Tuesdays is to give someone on the reference desk a break at noon.  Aside from that I don't have anything to do except work on the many projects I have going.
I also need to confer with my buddy Vagabundo.  I want him to have first dibs on Tuesdays.  If she goes for it, I keep my schedule the way it is.  If not, then I'll have to play it by ear.  Vagabundo told them he's going to class.  He said that his class would end just before the end of the year.  Perhaps I could just work three Tuesdays and he could take over.  That would be ideal, for now.  Of course, this could all change.  I'll talk to San Marino tomorrow and see what they say.  All this might be academic in the end.

Wed Nov, 5, Today work was kinda meh.  Nothing much to report.  Normally I have dinner with TheGirl after work, but today happens to be TheHusband's birthday.  Hence no dinner with me tonight.  I'm surprised that I still go and have dinner with her.  I feel that it's something that is preventing either of us from truly moving on.  But, I think neither of us want to move on that quickly.  Look, I know she's still hanging out with TheChisel and TheHusband.  Probably sleeping with TheHusband.  I mean, at this point it doesn't matter to me.  Even this dinner thing will have an end some day.  Perhaps these little "Oh I have to have dinner" with so and so will eventually cause us to miss more than one dinner in a row and then shine it all on.

The problem is I don't know what to do with myself after work on Wednesdays when I don't have dinner with TheGirl.  I guess I better find some other routine for after work Wednesdays.  Not right now.  For now I think TheGirl and I still enjoy our Wednesday dinners.

When I got home my new iPhone was waiting for me.  I quickly set it up.  I looked at my old iPhone, which I dropped one week after receiving it.  The case was the only thing that kept it together.  The screen was coming apart from the body.  Oh, but don't worry.  I am going to keep using it as a security camera inside the house.  Thank you old iPhone.  Each one of you have fulfilled my life in some way.

Thu Nov, 6, My plan for today was to just put my head down and get through the day.  Mission accomplished.  Tomorrow, the drive.

Fri Nov, 7, I woke up tired, but exited to get going on this trip.  As seems to be the custom these days, it took me so long to get out of bed.  I didn't have a fixed schedule, but I did want to get to Carmel before sunset.  I showered, ate something, told my aunt I'd see her in four days, and got going.  After fueling up the car I made my way up the coast.  Of course getting out of Los Angeles is always a struggle.  I didn't hit open road until past Ventura.  But, after that it was smooth sailing all the way up to SLO.  I was in SLO by 11am for lunch.  I thought I would eat in Cambria, but my stomach said different.  I asked my buddy for food advice, but his advice leaned towards hot food.  I was craving a sandwich.  I found a sandwich shop called Giant Grinder thanks to the internet.  The sandwich was tasty and big.  I only finished half of it.  My buddy loves SLO, and I can feel why.  It has a nice feeling to it.  I think I need to explore this nice town.  On a future trip, of course.  Once I was fueled up I gassed up the car and continued the drive.  I stopped off at Cambria, where I ate a slice of pumpkin pie and visited Moonstone Beach.  Moonstone was quite pretty, but I didn't want to linger too much.  I took some photos, one of which I later sent to TheDesire.  Because of the time change the sun sets around 5pm these days, which meant I only had about five hours of sunlight at this point.  A stop here and there along the highway can quickly add up, and like I said before, I didn't want to be driving in the dark.

I arrived at my hotel around 4:30.  The lady behind the counter was quite nice.  She asked if I was single, and when I told her I was.  She proceeded to tell me there was a single woman in one of the other rooms.  She likes to play matchmaker, she said later.  During the 5 o'clock hour the hotel serves port wine and sherry, and that's when I was able to see that the woman wasn't my type.  But there was this Latina lady that checked in just as I was drinking my complimentary booze.  She would have been a good time, but it wasn't meant to be.  Before I went down for my free booze I downed a shot of booze in my room, so I was pretty much flying by the time I left the lobby.

After all the free and not free booze I went to the place I have always gone to when visiting Carmel, Club Jalapeno.  I later saw that they overcharged me, but the food was good.  I went back to my room and had some more to drink, only to finally pass out.  The long drive, and the copious amount of booze finally felled me.

Sat Nov, 8, The whole point of this trip was to photograph Point Lobos.  I've been there before, with TheGirl.  But we only explored a small part of the park.  There was a whole section that demanded exploration.  I started out in an area close to Whaler's Cove, but moved up to another area that let me be closer to where I wanted to explore, Allan Memorial Grove.  This was one of the most beautiful spots I've experienced up in Big Sur/Carmel.  A woman I bumped into on the trail mentioned that this place was her favorite in the park, and that it was sacred to her.  I agree.  There are few places with beauty so intense that they move you emotionally... at least I think so.  The Cypress Grove trail at Point Lobos is such a place for me.  I was brought to tears, tears of joy, when I walked there.  I too so many photos with my new phone, some of which will definitely make it to the website.  I took my time, as best I could, knowing that there was a limit on my time here because of the impending crowds of people that arrive at the park after 11am.  I lingered, tried to take every bit of it in.  Tried to contemplate how such beauty can exist.  There was a moment when I wondered if such a place could actually exist, or was I just dreaming.  My dreams aren't this good though.  This place does exist.  It's relatively small, but its beauty is immense.  I was emailing my buddy some of the pictures that I took as I walked the trail.  He mentioned that this place was as beautiful as, "This city is horrid."  Perhaps that's it.  For all the hell that this town and its people inflict upon the world and each other, there must be an antithesis.  The whole of Big Sur is that antithesis of our horrid lives.  This is why it moves me so.

Once the clocked neared 11am I knew I had to hurry, because that's when the park gets packed, and the beauty is tainted by the hordes of idiots.  I didn't know what I was going to do after Point Lobos.  My plans didn't go much past that.  What I knew is that I was hungry.  I drove down the coast to the Big Sur River Inn.  I had lunch there.  I wanted to hit another spot in Big Sur, but I was dead tired.  These days I will eat a meal and I'll feel dead tired.  So tried that I have to take a nap.  Today's tired was so much that I didn't trust myself driving back North until after I had a nap.  I wanted to take a short nap, but ended up sleeping for nearly an hour in my car parked outside the River Inn.  That was OK, because it was still just 2pm by the time I finally got back on the road.  I wanted to hit Garrapata on my way back to Carmel, but I could see that there were so many people on the trails.  I did stop at this one trailhead, hoping to take some pictures.  But the trail I wanted to walk on was closed.  It's been closed for a while.  I put up my hands and got back into the car.  I went back to my room.

I haven't had much luck photographing sunsets up here in Big Sur.  But, the sky was clear, and I didn't see a fog bank in the distance.  I figured I had a pretty good chance today.  Sunset was going to be at 5:05pm.  I figured that if I left my room twenty minutes before that I could reach Carmel beach with ten minutes to spare, and set-up my camera for the big event.  But dummy, lethargic me didn't leave my room until fifteen minutes before sunset.  I raced down there and barely had time to shoot one photo with my phone and two with my SLR.  The shots I got with the SLR were totally anti-climatic.  The sun was nearly set, and all I captured in those photos was a tiny sliver.  On my way to the beach was the shot I wanted... the sun, suspended above the horizon.  Well, I didn't get that shot.  Idiot, tired me.

All-in-all today was a GREAT day.  Despite having so little energy after lunch, the morning at Point Lobos more than makes this trip a success.  If I didn't get another picture out of this trip I already knew that I had the greatest of days today.

Sun Nov, 9, On my itinerary I never gave much thought to what I would do with this extra day.  In my original plan for this trip I was going to drive back today.  But, since the Veteran's day holiday was going to butt up against the end of my trip, I figured I owed myself an extra day up here.  But, sadly I didn't give this day much thought, and because of that I didn't really do much today.  Also, for some reason I woke up feeling really tired.  I just wanted to sit around all day, but I felt I couldn't waste a day on this trip like that.  I figured that I would get some food, then explore downtown Monterey.

I drove out to Seaside to get some breakfast at a place that promised some really good food.  Their online reviews sure made it sounds like it was going to be a good meal, and it was.  The advantage of being alone is that I can just run up to a restaurant counter and get a seat.  The food was great, and there was a ton of it.  I filled up, and of course felt even more tired after that.  I went back to downtown Monterey and parked the car.  I took a nap for about forty minutes.  Now rested I walked around downtown.  I've walked around before, and really this didn't interested me too much.  I decided to just return to my hotel room.  I was tired, and not feeling well.  I ended up watching the Sunday football games after getting a sandwich at a local Safeway.  I didn't feel like spending too much any more.  The guy behind the counter was a typical Surly Duff.  I went back to my hotel and rested for the big drive.  I drank the rest of my booze, and towards the end of the night I felt like I needed a little more booze, so I walked around Carmel looking for a bar.  I found one, but I didn't feel like going in after all.

Mon Nov, 10, I had a difficult time getting out of bed for some reason.  And then I had a horrible heartburn attack, for lack of a better phrase.  It felt like bile was coming up to my throat, and I had a dull pain in the middle of my chest.  After a couple of big burps I felt so much better.  I got into the shower, got my stuff ready, and cleared out.  As a side note, I sometimes worry that the stomach cancer that killed my Mother and Grandmother will one day be found in my body.  I think I can make a fight of it, but that's just talk.  When the moment comes, no amount of fight will change the fact that I might have cancer.  So I worry silently that my stomach ailment gets worse, and that it might be a sign of me getting sick.  But I can't live my life thinking of something that might happen.  So I continue.  If some day it does happen, I'll cross that bridge then.  However, when I feel the pain I did this particular morning, or I can't stop burping, I wonder if these are the signs that it's now my turn.

The breakfast that the hotel served wasn't something I took advantage on this trip, so I felt I best at least get some food in my belly before leaving.  But the picking were slim, so drove up to Monterey and ate breakfast at a Carl's Jr. right by the Aquarium.  I had Thanksgiving dinner there last year.  After eating, I jumped in the car and drove down the coast.  I stopped a few times along the way to take some pictures and to pee.  My best pictures are from Saturday.  I took about 500 pictures that day, between the new iPhone and SLR.  I don't think I took more than forty photos the rest of the trip (Sunday and Monday).

I wasn't in a hurry to get home.  I didn't tell TheGirl that I went on this trip.  To keep that illusion I had to make my traditional Monday night appearance at her place.  I timed it perfectly.  I only had to wait for about forty minutes before driving over to her place.  She never tells me about her weekends.  Mainly because she spends them with TheChisel.  I can say that because this weekend she posted something pertaining to her dog finishing up training.  TheChisel showed his cards and posted something about how TheGirl's dog did perfect.  Only someone that was there could know such a thing.  I didn't know that.  Mainly because I don't give a shit.  That dog is nothing to me.  TheGirl loves it.  I just see it as her way of dealing with things she needs to deal with.  I do love TheGirl.  There was a point that I was ready to give her the rest of my life.  That was a long time ago.  Today we're friends.  I don't want to be in a relationship with her.  I wish her the best.  I'm not ready to let her go.  Mainly because of all the history we share.  However.  However, my heart's desire is to be with TheDesire.  I want to be with her.  If not her, someone that will appreciate me and go on this journey with me.  If that turns out to be no one I can live with that.  I've been alone all my life.  I'm not exactly used to it, but I can deal with it.

Anyway, I went over to TheGirl's place.  I didn't tell her about my trip.  I won't tell her about my trip.  It was a nice visit.  We will see each other on Wednesday for our traditional Wednesday night dinner.  Now that I think about it, I'm not sure how we ended up having this Wednesday night dinner.  We used to fuck on Wednesday nights, after she would pick me up from work.  Oh well, it's not important.  I went home after my visit.  There was nothing in the house to eat.  I went to crappy McD's for dinner.  I bought a filet-o-fish with extra tartar sauce.  They charged me twenty cents for that extra tartar sauce.  Yes, I understand it costs money, but come on.  The fucking filet-o-fish is nearly $5 these days.  The meal hit the spot though.

Tue Nov, 11, Thanks to all those that died in America's many, many wars I can have a day off today.  I really appreciate that.  I needed a day to recover from the trip, and today was it.  But, I couldn't have a full day of rest, because my family was going to come over.  They had problems with their technology.  I fixed their problems in less than two minutes.

We then went to dinner, in a sense a payment for the IT work I did.  My aunt just blows my mind though.  I was getting ready to eat before my family came over and she sees me do this.  It's not until moments before I'm about to take a bite of the food that she tells me they're coming over and we're going to get some dinner.  What?  How come this is the first I'm hearing of this?  ARGH!  So now the food I heated up is sitting on a plate.  I didn't eat it, of course.  They also wanted me to book a flight for them in June.  Done!

Wed Nov, 12, There isn't a hell of a lot to report since I returned from my trip.  I was on desk today.  I did this and that, pretty much just work.  Had dinner with TheGirl.  Missed last week, as I wrote, because she was celebrating TheHusband's birthday.  TheGirl made pasta.  I didn't get too drunk.  These days Chan and I's curfew is a little earlier than before, because TheGirl has to wake up early.  This week though, she was saying that she was worried about tomorrow, because some new big wigs were showing up.  The bank where she works was bought by a bigger bank.  Tomorrow the new ownership comes in.  She fears that this means they're going to close the office and/or move it to Washington state.  She's not going to move.

She joked that she would have to move back in with TheHusband.  How crazy would it be if four years after our affair broke them up they would get back together again?  They aren't divorced, officially.  Just separated.  She never signed the papers to finalize the divorce.  At first it was because she was under his insurance.  But really she doesn't want the clean break.  Like with me.  We never really had a clean break, my buddy pointed out.  We just went from being in a relationship, to fuck buddies, to then just friends.  All I know is that I still look forward to our dinners, but I notice that we have less and less to talk about.  The only thing we share is our dinners.  We can only talk about our jobs.  I can't tell her I went on a trip.  I can't tell her about the times I hang with TheDesire.  That pretty much cuts out most of my talking topics.  I'm playing this thing by ear.  I suspect that I'll get more, "Oh, I have to do this on Wednesday, so we can't have dinner," statements in the future.

Thu Nov, 13, The route was heavy today.  My usual leisurely route was too much to ask for today.  I had a ton of extra things to deliver today.  I finished everything up, of course.  But it just seemed that the Universe was adding a little more to the fire today.  But, I took it in stride.  I got a few pictures of some of the women my buddy and I talk about each time I'm on the route (above).  Didn't get a shot of TreasuryGirl though.  That one is like the holy grail.  Some day.

I haven't been on the route in a week.  I can't believe that nearly a week has gone by since my trip.  It feels like it was yesterday.  How does this "time" thing work in the mind of humans?  It's a puzzle to me, because when I was up there in Carmel the days felt long, in a good way.  Certainly having that extra day, Sunday, on the trip made all the difference.  There isn't much to report on for today.  I worked both jobs.  I left home at 7am and didn't get home until 10:30pm.  Long ass day.  I'm thinking of coming to work on Saturday in order to avoid my aunt.  Sad that I have to find work to do in order not to be home.

I didn't even see TheDesire today, which is what used to make my Thursday the best day of the week.  I'll probably get to see her tomorrow.

Fri Nov, 14, Slightly shortened schedule today.  I start at 10am these days on a Friday.  I wonder how driving the route on Tuesdays will affect my start time on Fridays.  Fridays are the day I would likely lose work hours.  I'd rather leave earlier than leave at 6pm.  But, that's the way things go, they need me in the evening more than in the morning.

I finally got to see and interact with TheDesire today.  I told my buddy that TheDesire looked like she got out of bed and didn't even comb her hair, yet I thought she was wonderful.  I know I have it bad for her, and it's mainly because I can't have her.  She is quite wonderful, I think.  But what fuels me now is winning her over.  Despite the fact that I think she might be right that she would drive me crazy.  What I do know is that she does drive me crazy now.  I could seriously fall in love with her in an instant if she gave me the least little bit of a sign that she was interested in me.

An explanation of the photos above.  First one is of a text I was going to send TheDesire.  I wasn't going to tell her I loved her via text.  No way.  But my iPhone suggested that I write that.  The new phone has something called predictive text.  In a text to TheDesire three things first came up, one of them being the letter "I."  I tapped on that.  Which lead to the phone predicting that I would say love.  I tapped on that.  And of course the last thing it predicted is that I would say "you."  I obviously didn't send the text.  Next is a picture of a girl's butt that was at the library today.  It was such a great behind that I had to risk taking a photo of it.  The new phone worked out great in this instance.  The photo is clear and sharp.  I took my buddy Dane out to dinner at Shakers.  It was his birthday a couple of weeks ago.  I told him this was a celebration of his birthday, his 50th.  I hate that he has to be out homeless for his 50th birthday.  He told me at the end of the night that he appreciated me treating him like a human being.  I'm sure he doesn't get that treatment very often from others.

Sat Nov, 15, I don't like to be home on Saturdays because my aunt will nag me about something.  Usually two ore more somethings.  I had to print out a poster for Monday, which admittedly could have waited for Monday to print.  But, I used that excuse to get out of the house, run a couple of errands, and go to work.  There was an ulterior motive for going to work.  My buddy wanted to go to Pie n Burger to finally try the burger there.  I jotted out the door and went to work.  I printed the posters that needed printing and then waited until my buddy gave me the all set text.  I met him at Pie n Burger.

I was afraid that Vagabundo wouldn't like the burger.  It is expensive, but it's worth it (once in a while).  It's not a regular thing to drop about $8 on a burger.  He liked the pie there, since he's had the apple pie there before he went with the cheesecake this time.  It was so rich and dense, he loved it.

We went back to my place to drink a little.  Nothing crazy.  I've noticed that since I told myself not to go nuts with the drinking that the frequency of my drinking has been cut by 50% or more.  I used to drink about three, maybe four times a week.  Now it's one or two, tops.  It's not that I don't like drinking, it's just that I'm trying to lose a few pounds.  Also, the last time I drank like a fiend I felt really bad the next day.  I don't want to have to feel that way.  Well, certainly not all the time.

Sun Nov, 16, I went to Disneyland with TheGirl today.  The major theme of today was that we were both tired.  She was nursing a thigh injury, and I was just a 50% energy level.  For some reason it was similar to how I felt last week in Carmel.  I didn't want to move on Sunday, nor today.  We had a good time though.  I got to see the holiday displays, but not all of them.  I'm for sure going to have to go back in the next few weeks to watch the lighting of It's a Small World. 

While we were in the park a man proposed to a woman as we stood in front of the Castle to take a picture of it.  I saw the whole thing go down, but TheGirl didn't.  I told her as she turned around, and she told me the worst abomination.  She told me that she has changed her mind when it comes to marriage.  She would consider getting married again, provided the right man came along.  Well, I was sure not that man.  She also mentioned how she's still married to TheHusband for tax purposes.  I don't feel it's just that though.  On our way back to the car I told her that after her statement that I suspected she was smoking something.

I don't know, today's visit to Disneyland with TheGirl was different.  It was fun at times, showing sparks of from when we were together.  But then there are times when we have nothing to say to each other.  Mainly because I'm not going to talk to her about my pursuit of TheDesire, and she's not going to tell me about say TheChisel.  Although, she did say that she finally got the courage up to, "Tell someone to go fuck himself."  She didn't say who it was, but the only person she talks about in that way is TheChisel.  I bet you that she will still hang out with him.  Really her continued friendship with him should be grounds for me just walking away from our friendship.  But, I'm an idiot.

Mon Nov, 17, I'm pretty ready to never work again.  Of course, that would mean I would starve to death and lose my stuff.  Work was work.  I actually had a lot of work to catch up on today.  I had to enter and process about thirty memberships to the Friends of the library.  It's not hard, just takes many steps.  I have most of it done, just some scanning tomorrow should do it.

I work with a woman on Mondays that I think likes me.  Being that she's married, it complicates things.  I've watched her look at me, and there are times when she looks like she would eat me up, if she could.  I would SO let her.  She's older than me, but looks so hot.  She's tried to hook me up with our new library assistant.  Which is nice of her, but the new assistant doesn't seem very interested in me.  If I don't catch a vibe these days I'm not going to try.  Besides, as my buddy points out, if your not wounded or married I ain't gonna look at you.  So true.

Tue Nov, 18, Work was work.  I processed a ton of Friend's of the Library memberships.  It's cool.  Job two was interesting in that I got to talk to TheDesire on my break.  She mentioned that she was actually looking forward to going home.  She had a tough shift.  She looked so nice.  She's no Spring chicken, but neither am I.  She looks great though.  I wish I could kiss her.  Following our talk she left.  She was going to hang out with her friend's daughter.  Oh wait, before I forget, she mentioned how if she got married she was keeping her name.  When she was engaged to her fiance she told him she was keeping her name.  It's a rare thing to have her mention her engagement from long ago.  It's a part of her life I know very little about.  She was engaged before I met her, and shortly after meeting her she broke it off.  The both of them breaking things off.  He's now married to another woman.

She left, and I continued work.  I asked her to take pictures of her play date, and she sent me a couple of pictures of the girl she was having a play date with.  I know that TheDesire wants four kids, but man I'm more incline to just have one or two.  Still, it's but a dream.  I feel a connection to TheDesire, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel it.  I asked her if she hung my photo at her home.  She said she hanged the photo in her room.  It was going to go into the living room, but she didn't think it worked well there.  It would be nice if seeing that picture when she wakes up, and goes to sleep, would serve as some sort of talisman.  But instead of giving her luck, it would give me luck to win her over.

Wed Nov, 19, Started the day in a staff meeting talking about how our boss boss is going to retire in March.  It's no skin off my nose for me.  She's hardly in the office. I've heard people say that she doesn't do much, isn't interested in the library, and isn't really helping us out.  I wouldn't know about all that, because as soon as I walk out the door that place doesn't exist to me.

I went to lunch to a place in Pasadena called Super Burger on the advice of Deanna.  Deanna is so cute.  I've said how I have a tiny crush on her.  Of course when she says this burger is good I had to try it.  It was good.  Not on par with other burgers, but good and giant.  Going there also afforded me a change to check out this girl pictured above.  She looked like a tiny version of Rosalyn Sanchez.  It's funny how she illustrates this whole thing we all do with our cell phones.  Soon as we have to wait for something we take out our phones and start looking at shit.  Back at work my shift was pretty chill.

Then came dinner with TheGirl.  She mentioned how she couldn't spend so much, and I mentioned that it was my turn to treat.  I'm rolling in dough right now.  I think I didn't pay a bill, but I'll know when it comes back to haunt me.  For now, I have extra money.  We went to her favorite Mexican restaurant where we had a pair of margaritas.  She opened up about how lonely she is, and how she wishes she could be in a relationship.  This isn't the first time she mentions this.  Hey, she made her bed.  I was in it for the long haul.  She also mentioned how she wanted to go to Tijuana with me.  I reminded her that I don't have a passport.  I'm not sure about Tijuana, but she seems all gun-ho about it.  I'll think about it.

Thu Nov, 20, The route today was super chill.  I hardly had any books to deliver.  Next week I won't even be on the route because of Thanksgiving.  The other drivers will have to deal with the onslaught of books.  Today I just cruised.  My coworkers at Glendale have been wanting to do something for dinner for a while.  Today was the day.  After my shift I went to my car and took a nap, and waited for them to get off work.

At dinner I was the only one that had any drinks.  The rest of the guys didn't have any.  That didn't keep them from revealing some stuff.  Raf mentioned how MicroManager would never want to see him go because he does all her work.  There was a time, he didn't say how far back, that he nearly went to work for one of the branches.  She wouldn't have anything of it, and I'm sure her influence kept him here at Central.  It's also a good situation for him because here he has carte blanche to do what he wants, because MicroManager gives him that freedom.  Of course he's always going to be beholden to her, and that's not really freedom.  Raf isn't going anywhere.

I asked TheDesire if she wanted to go drive around and view the Christmas lights.  She mentioned how she didn't want to because Christmas makes her emotional.  Dude, everything makes this girl emotional.  I almost want to do a Cher slapping Nick Cage saying "snap out of it."  I REALLY wanted to draw in TheDesire with some Christmas celebration.  Not that it would mean anything, but my plan to stay in her face has to include the holidays.  A week from today is Thanksgiving and I'm pretty sure I won't be in her thoughts that day.  I have to make it so I am in her thoughts at least once a day.  Than twice a day.  My move is to text her, to remind her that I exist.  But it has to be organic, and from her mind and heart.  Perhaps I'm just doing more of the same from last year when this was my strategy.  Someone mentioned how it's like I'm chipping away at it.  Sure, that will work eventually, but how much time do I have before she starts thinking of dating some Armenian douche?  How do I know she's not doing that now?  I have such a finite window of opportunity as it is.

Fri Nov, 21, Work was marathon today.  Six of seven hours on the circulation desk.  Thankfully the shift was broken up into reasonable chunks.  Three hours downstairs, one on the phones, followed by lunch.  After lunch three hours on the circulation desk.  That made it much more tolerable.

Sat Nov, 22, I don't usually work Saturdays, but today marks the start of four straight Saturdays I'll work.  It's OK, I don't need the days off, since I don't want to be home when my aunt is home anyway.  Today I helped out with a furniture sale at GPL.  I didn't know why we had to be there at 8am, but soon I found out.  I thought there would be 10 people showing up.  But easily one hundred people showed up to the sale.  And it felt as thought they all showed up in the first hour.  I was writing receipts as fast as I could to keep up with the amount of sales.  The first hour was was the most dramatic.  After that the whole thing petered out.  For example, after I came back from lunch I only sold three items the entire four hours.

The highlights of my day selling furniture was when TheDesire came up for a visit, and when I was checking out her butt (both pictured above).  She came up before the library was officially open and looked around.  She talked to me about displaying some of my black and white photos during this ball thing we're having at my Glendale job.  It's some holiday party, that I can't attend because it's early in the morning, and I'll be working my San Marino job at that time.  Oh well, it's nice of TheDesire to ask me to lend her my photos for display.  I have a feeling that if I ever win her over it will be because of my photography.  I didn't win TheGirl over with my photography, but that certainly didn't hurt as a social lubricant.  Ah, who am I kidding, the Armenian thing will always trump everything.  I can make the most beautiful art and she will just say that she will hang it on her walls so she and her Armenian husband can look at it.  Boy, I really have a huge crush on TheDesire.  I know she's physically attractive, but it's not just that.  I think we connect.  Certainly I'm extremely attracted to her physically.  I think she's gorgeous.  I love her face.  Such a wonderful and beautiful face.  Such a great butt too, not going to lie.  I could linger on both.  *sigh*

Sun Nov, 23, Work was a series of fires being put out by me.  There was the slow computer issues.  Then there was the A/C unit not blowing cool air.  There was also printing out signs.  I was hardly on the reference desk today.  I don't mind that.

Last week I took the day off to go to Disneyland with TheGirl.  I didn't get to see ANY of the Christmas lights last week though.  That was fucking bullshit!  I wanted to check them out last week, but I was super tired.  I figured I would make up for it by going to Disneyland after work tonight.  My coworker saw that I was checking out the crowd index and said that if I was going to go she would be game to go as well.  We drove down there and got something to eat at the River Belle.  I had a turkey dinner, Tina had the roast beef.  The park was packed, so Tina and I didn't really get to go on many attractions.  We walked around to see the Xmas lights.  It's something I'd like to do with TheDesire, but she's not into that.  Perhaps in the future.  Tina and I went on one attraction, Storybook Land.  Following that we went to check out It's a Small World.  That's the main thing I wanted to see last week.  I love it because it's all lit up, and they have a cool display every quarter hour.  The It's a Small World lights really put me in the Christmas mood.

Mon Nov, 24, I started the day by sleeping through my alarm this morning.  In my haze I must have turned that first alarm off.  It has a snooze function, but I leave that on so I don't fall back to sleep.  Today I over-rid the snooze and had to rush out the door.  I knew I would arrive late, so I would work a little later.  I still have some phantom hours owed to me for the fundraiser, but I didn't need to use them today.  As I write this paragraph I'm up in the library computer desk.  MicroManager just asked me to cover a shift tomorrow.  But of course in true Murphy's Law fashion, I'm covering the reference desk at my other job at the same time.  She asked me if I could just do a portion of the route in the morning and other half in the afternoon.  I agreed.

Tue Nov, 25, The regular Monday and Tuesday driver didn't show up to work yesterday and today.  Yesterday my buddy Vagabundo took care of the route.  He couldn't make it, so I had to cover today.  Normally that's not so bad.  I can tell San Marino I'm not going in today because I have something to do.  However, today I was covering a shift on the reference desk, and just couldn't skip on that.  Not at the last minute.  MicroManager suggested a solution.  I would drive early in the morning to Pasadena.  Drop off those books, come back to Central and then go off to my San Marino job.  Then after my shift ended there I would go back to Glendale and do the route.  Crazy idea, but what else could I do?

The morning run to Pasadena went well.  I finished that portion with plenty of time to get to San Marino.  I was even early.  I worked the reference desk shift and bolted to get some food at Tommy's, then bolted to Glendale.  I wasn't going to kill myself today though.  I felt that whatever time it took me on the route is what I would take.  MicroManager gave me three hours to do the route tonight.  That's nuts.  It takes two hours just to drive the damn route.  I won't go into too many details, but these are some of the highlights.  At Montrose, my first stop, one of the girls said that I was the the manager's favorite.  Then why did she left me go?  Budget was the official answer.  Who knows.  That was funny though.  Adams had that Salbi girl sticking her tongue out at me.  She's too cute, and too young.  If there is such a thing.  She's such a great girl.  No way we could be together, I've seen too much.  But that's what makes her stand out so much more than the other girls at work.  She's just nice.  Last stop, Pacific, and TheGirl's friend is there.  K was there, saying she was in a hurry to leave.  Her shift ended at 6pm, and I had arrived five after.  She let me in the building, made sure I had the code to arm the alarm system, and then said she was going to leave.  But she didn't.  She stuck around for at least ten minutes asking me questions about TheGirl, and me, and our relationship, and Disneyland pass.  She wanted to know if she was still dating TheChisel.  I told her I didn't know, and that I never ask TheGirl about it because I don't care.  Despite what she told me last week about telling someone to go fuck themselves, I'm pretty sure that he's still in the picture.  Fucking bullshit!  K is always so interested in this whole thing, but she never calls or texts TheGirl.  What K needs is the dick.  She's obviously not getting it good.  I'd like to give it to her.  Why not?  K has a nice big ass, and would probably be a good time outside the work environment.  I don't know, I'm taking out of my ass, but I'd like to sleep with K in general principle.  Funny enough, I don't see her as the marrying kind, despite the fact that she is married.

I somehow completed the entire route, minus a couple of stops, like city hall and the fire station.  I worked hard, but not too hard today.  It was a marathon day of work, but because I've been conditioned by long days it was easy.  Then the hurt set in after work.  I was definitely tired after work.  Still, I did it.

Wed Nov, 26, I knew today would be chill since I had survived yesterday and nothing this week could rise to the level of the longest route.  Sure enough, San Marino was quiet.  About an hour after we opened I went out of my office and noticed the learning center was completely empty.  That's a rare thing.  At lunch I went to a local taco joint and bought some sopes.  They were pretty good, but not as good as the ones in Van Nuys.  My shift felt a little long, but it was chill also.  Nothing big.  I was more worried about getting to TheGirl's place at a reasonable time.  Thankfully traffic was cooperative.

Traditional Wednesday dinner with TheGirl was nice.  She bought me chicken from Trader's and we talked about work stuff.  She said she couldn't believe that it had been a year since she was on jury duty.  Also a year since she saw me with TheDesire at the movies.  TheGirl still can't let that go.  She once AGAIN said to me that she was shocked to see me with anyone else, but that it was especially hard to see me with TheDesire.  TheGirl said, "Anyone but her."  It's amazing how every woman at work is so two-faced about TheDesire.  TheGirl always saw her as a threat.  TheGirl knew I liked TheDesire way back when we started our relationship.  TheGirl probably thinks I don't hang out with TheDesire any more.  If she only knew.  If she only knew how much I like TheDesire.  If this thing ever happened with TheDesire I know that it would be the last of my friendship with TheGirl.  She said it, anyone but her.  Of course, TheDesire is THE ONE that I'm fixated on.  Typical Universe.

Thu Nov, 27, Thanksgiving is pretty pointless in my life.  Today I didn't do anything.  My aunt wanted me to check to see if Target was open because she wanted to buy some stuff.  Ah, no.  I told her that I needed a day, just a day, off.  I told her that starting Saturday I would be working every day until Christmas.  She just made a face.  Fuck this shit!  I deserve more than A DAY off.  I deserve what I had, two days off.  But now I'll have to go to the store with her tomorrow to shut her fucking mouth.  I should have gone away this Thanksgiving.  I think I'll start making plans to get out of town this time next year.  Not too far, but anywhere but here.  The day itself was whatever.  All the football games were kinda dull.  I had leftover chicken and mac and cheese from last night's dinner.  They hit the spot.  So long, pointless holiday.

Fri Nov, 28, A second day in a row off!  No way!  I took my aunt to the store, as she asked me yesterday.  She bought her things.  The only thing on my list was a hat for Chan.  Thankfully I found one that should fit hims.  As you can see above, hims looks cute.  I also saw some Star Wars stockings.  I mean come on, this is getting to ridiculous with this merchandise.  Oh well, they're making millions, and I'm not.

I spent the next few hours after coming back home from the store with my aunt just chilling.  My buddy said he wanted to come over for an early dinner.  He originally thought that his shift would end around 1pm, but then that turned to 3pm, which turned into 5pm.  My aunt kept asking me if I wanted to have lunch.  I told her I wasn't hungry, which was true.  But I didn't tell her I was also waiting for my buddy.  It's not something she needs to know.  But then she said some strange things.  She accused me of just waiting for her to die so I could sell the house, and move to an apartment.  I responded to her that that kind of talk was nuts.  Why would I move out?  To pay rent?  Idiot.  Then she asked me if my buddy was an only child.  Because, as she put it, she wanted to know if he was as spoiled as I was.  I told her I wouldn't dignify that with an answer.  It's just idiotic that she has these thoughts going through her head.  Yes, I don't want to be here, but this is still my home.  I intend to keep this place for the rest of my life.  In a practical sense moving out means paying rent that I would no way be able to afford.  Even if I had to pay her half of the rent I would still not pay 1/3rd of what I would pay in rent.  TheGirl's rent is something like $1,300.  My part of the mortgage is $300 a month.  Her half is just under $250.  That's less than $600!!  Why would I want to pay twice that, or more?  I think my aunt has lost her mind.

My buddy finally arrived.  We wanted to get some nachos at this place in Van Nuys called San Marcos grill.  I told him to have a plan B ready, just in case they weren't open.  He didn't think they would be closed, but sure enough.  When we arrived the place was closed.  I told him that I wanted pastrami from Johnny's in Culver City.  Since I was driving my buddy was fine with that.  Pastrami hit the stop.  We came back to my place for a little drinking.  My buddy left around 12:30am.  I went to the bathroom and my aunt comes out of her room and says, "so late for a visit."  I didn't respond to her fucking comment.  I'm glad I have work all the way up till Christmas.  If I'm lucky, I won't have to talk to her until after new years.

Sat Nov, 29, Work was super chill today.  I was left not the reference desk by myself, and it was just smooth sailing all the way.  After work I wanted to drive down to Disneyland and get some chili, for the cold weather.  But I remembered that I'm going to go next week before work.  I work late, so I figured that I could go in the morning and then work in the evening.  Hence me not wanting to drive all the way down there three weekends in a row.  After work I ran a couple of errands, then took myself out to dinner.  As I write this I'm still stuffed from all the food.  It's still early, 8pm.  I bough some wine that I plan on drinking in a little while.  In short, today was kinda a non-day.  I came home and I didn't say hi to my aunt.  Not after what she said yesterday.  As my mother taught me, it's time for the silent treatment.

Sun Nov, 30, It rained today!  Thankfully not too hard, but it was good.  Everything looks a little brighter, and cleaner.  That's because the rain washed a layer of dirt off everything.  More layers remain, but more rain is on its way.  Work today was chill.  Like I told my coworker, it's a random Sunday, but also not so random because people are probably still shopping.  And of course the rain would keep most people away as well.  It turned out to be a slightly slower than normal Sunday.  Nothing big to report.

After work T and I went to get some food at Hugo's in Atwater village.  She's been wanting to go.  How it came up that we went there is that I was looking at food, searching for some soft serve ice cream.  I saw that Hugo's had vegan ice cream and mentioned it to her.  She thought it was me saying let's go.  But, I didn't mind her thinking that.  It was cool to hang out with T after so long.  She's been hanging out exclusively with her boyfriend.  She told me today that he asked her about an engagement.  Seems really fast, if you ask me.  They haven't known each other for a year yet, and he's already talking marriage?  I do wish her luck, but something tells me this isn't a good idea.  T did say that she isn't experiencing fireworks, but that it's OK.  Not everything should be fireworks.  If anything, she's had to deal with fireworks and the drama that goes along with that, and she doesn't want that.  She wants stable.  This guy, according to her, is stable.  Cracks might develop in this relationship yet.  But, for now it's good times.