When I write this introduction to the month I have the advantage of hindsight. I try to write the headline about half way through the month, since by then I generally have an idea how the month is going. Suffice to say the headline is apropos. Read on, and you will see.

July 1, My mother would have been 74 years old today. It's hard to imagine her that age. I wonder what her life would have been like if she had lived this long. She has been gone for seventeen years now. In a decade she will have been gone for as long as I knew her, twenty-seven years. I don't know where the last seventeen years have gone. Certainly I miss her still. It's not a day to day ache, like it used to be in the years after she died. Now it's more of a dull ache, a longing to still have her around. It's been a long time since I looked to talk to her, forgetting that she was dead. My biggest question is would she be happy with what I've made of my life. I slacked off hard during the years she was still alive. These days I work like a dog, long hours, and six days a week. Sometimes seven days a week. I hope she would have been proud when I finally got my degree. Sad when I didn't pursue my Masters. There's still time for that, actually.
TheGirl told me last night that we had to postpone our traditional Wednesday night dinner this week. She rather go to Downtown Disney on Saturday. I wondered what might be the thing that she is doing on Wednesday, so I looked through my old entries here to see. It so happens that it's about the time of TheChisel's birthday. She's probably going to have a birthday dinner with him. I just realized that I could confirm it was TheChisel's birthday on FB. Sure enough, his birthday is July 2nd, tomorrow. Well, happy 90th birthday, Chisel. I'm too good at this, TheGirl can't fool me. I think that I'll have Chan send TheGirl a message wishing TheChisel a happy 90th. Fucking shit.

July 2, Wednesdays have become my hectic day. My morning class is one thing. Having to deal with patrons when I'm on my reference desk shift is the real ordeal. Every fucking week someone will inevitably come in for passport service at 2:25pm. We stop service at 2:30. Could these dummies not show up at the last minute? Nope. Everyone has the mentality these days that if something closes at say 8pm that it's OK to come waltzing in at 7:59pm and still get the same service they would at 5pm. NO! That's not a reasonable expectation. We're closing up. We're not going to stay an extra ten, fifteen, or twenty minutes because these dopes can't show up at a reasonable time. I've had to endure this for the last few weeks and I think it's time I told the boss about this situation.
The one perk of working the passport thing is that there are often some very attractive women that come and get a passport. Today was such a day. The girl pictured above came in at 2pm, but my former supervisor had to pass the application on to me since he had a meeting to attend. I took over, talked to this young lady and found her to be funny and attractive. She fucking knew who George Carlin was! What nineteen year old knows who the fuck George Carlin is these days? She did, and it only made her that much more attractive. As you can see from her photo, she is quite pretty. I nearly threw a drink invite at her, but that would have been a crazy bold move. Still, I should have done it.
No Wednesday night dinner with TheGirl tonight. She decided to celebrate it with her grandfather, TheChisel. I debated whether to tell TheGirl that I knew why she ditched me tonight. I decided to just let her tell me. It's no skin off my nose. Once again, though, this is another example of her actions speaking louder than words. She claims that she doesn't like hanging out with TheChisel. They why hang out with him at all? She claims she can't stand him. They why hang out with him at all? She claims that she wishes she could never see him again. They why hang out with him at all? Her actions speak a totally different reality than the party line she feeds me. Whatever. I came home after battling the traffic on the 101. I hope she had a lousy time, but knowing her had a great time. Oh, and I went on FB just a few minutes ago to confirm that it was TheChisel's birthday, and that they went out for dinner. Both confirmed. They went to some restaurant at Universal CityWalk. Ha! Fucking bullshit!

July 3, Today I started work at 8am, because I have the route today and we're delivering books to Pasadena now. We always start in July, but for some reason MicroManager thought that we started later in the year. There was a whole big thing because we didn't deliver books on Tuesday, our first day. The Pasadena people probably thought MicroManager is nuts. Or possibly inept. I started the route, which was pretty uneventful. At the Brand branch I waited a little for Ani to show up to say hi. She now starts work at 1pm, which I thought would mean I would miss her. But the timing worked out that I got to see her. Well, I was excited, but she was on her phone and didn't really make any gestures towards me, like a wave or anything. I just stood next to her as she talked on the phone and went into work. What a total waste of that time. Then came my encounter with TheDesire. She was sitting outside of her branch talking to a woman and eating some yogurt. That seems to be all she eats these days. She seemed really happy. I heard her laughing while she talked to her friend. I liked that. It made my heart grow bigger. But I'm not falling for her again. I kept it short. I could have talked to her more, but I just jumped into the van and left after chit chatting about her recent trip to Vegas for a librarian convention. TheDesire said to me, "I haven't seen you in a long time."  "Yeah," I said, "It has been a long time."  Despite all this stuff I will say that we did hang out more than you would expect. But, I know now that unless she says something different I'm just going to slowly become less and less available. I've already done so, actually. You know, TheDesire is a pretty girl that I wanted to get to know better. I wanted to date her, and see where that went. If that went to the inevitable I wasn't opposed to that. All that is dormant now, but really I need to purge it. I have to just give up hope. I was happy to see her laughing and having a good time. That was cool. But I most likely won't ask her to hang out ever again, despite the fact that I still, deep down inside, still like her and wish she would be with me for a long time.
After work I went home so I could take my aunt to Costco. I fucking hate shopping there. It's like the freeways times ten. Fucking idiots can't move, they stop right in the middle of an aisle, they cross right in front of you. It's a clusterfuck, and I haven't missed going. I think this is the first time I've gone in over six months. I hope it's six years before I go back. Fucking idiots!
My buddy came over after work for some food and drinks. Our quest for food started in Van Nuys, where we found our favorite taco joint closed. We surmised that the place closed early for 4th of July. There were still some customers inside the place, but the door was closed. We then decided on going to another place, on Ventura blvd this time. On our way to the Habit we decided on Mendocino Farms. Which we knew was closing soon. When we arrived we asked if it was too late to order, and of course it was. We headed to the Habit, whose door was WIDE open. We walk inside and the girl says that they're closed. Then why the fuck do you have your door WIDE THE FUCK OPEN? Went next door to some fish and chips place, which was still open. BUT, they didn't look to enthusiastic about serving us, and my buddy thought their prices were too high. I forgot to say that on our way to Mendocino we nearly got into an accident. Finally, after being charged for parking at the Habit's parking lot despite the fact that we were only there for five minutes, we nearly got into another accident when I was turning left onto Van Nuys. Some idiot decided that even though I had the green light that it was OK to make a right turn onto Van Nuys at the same time as me. I honked and they honked back at me. It was a fucking shitty night. We finally just went to In-and-Out. I just wanted to go to McD's and get a Big Mac, which would have been easy. But, my buddy didn't to get a Big Mac. After food we came back to my place and had some drinks, analyzed what my little encounter with TheDesire meant, and then he went home.

July 4, First day off in nearly two weeks, ruined. Ruined by my aunt coming into my room seemingly every other minute to ask me a question or to make a comment. I know she must miss being able to just talk to people, because all she does is come into my room hour after hour to ask me if I want to eat. If I will look at my cousin's computer. If I want to eat, again. If I want to eat, yet again! Over and over with the questions. The last day off she ruined I talked about possibly working on the Saturdays that I have off. I think I'll just get out of dodge and go out somewhere. Maybe work, but not to actually work. I can transfer some of my files onto my online drive and maybe work on them at work. I don't want to be here and have my day off ruined because my aunt wants to ask me a million questions. I get questions asked of me EVERY fucking day. One day off without questions is all I ask. But that's too much to ask, really.

July 5, After missing our traditional Wednesday night dinner this week, because TheGirl had to celebrate old man Chisel's birthday on that same day, we decided to make up for it by going to downtown Disney for food and booze. Not in that order. We like going to Trader Sam's, a bar inspired by the Enchanted Tiki Room. As pictured above, the place looks like the Tiki room. As booze is truth serum TheGirl became amorous and talked to me about how much she loves me, and how special I am to her. I am all the things she said (ha!). It's tempting to fall back into a whole thing with TheGirl. I already know what to expect. That doesn't mean I haven't considered her offer to sleep together. I can't say that it wouldn't lead down a bad road, but I also know what not to do.. don't fall in love. Never fall in love. Love is a fucking dead-end street. I do love TheGirl, but I'm far from the days when I was madly in love with her.
Speaking of love, T texted me about her dating a pair of guys, and whether I thought it was wrong. Of course it isn't, I told her. Her talking about her dating and asking me how I was doing made me tell her that I was fine, busy with stuff. The thing is, there aren't any prospects on the horizon. At all. That Ani girl feels as much of a dead-end as TheDesire. More so, somehow. At least with TheDesire I actually hung out with her. What I'm thinking of doing is to just focus on anything but the pursuit of women. That endeavor has not lead me to happy times. If it's meant to be it will happen. Deep down inside I still wish I had a chance with TheDesire. Alas, that wasn't meant to be.

July 7, Most days when I'm left alone with an assignment at San Marino I can get it done. For some reason when my pseudo supervisor is in the office with me I don't get anything done. Mainly because we end up talking about shit. I should be working, but I'm chewing the fat. I'm going to try and fix that in the coming weeks.
There's a girl at work that I think I've written about. She's Latina, petite, and cute. Nothing crazy nice, but NICE. I can't say that I haven't thought of asking her out, but I've hesitated for many reasons. Well, it looks like one of my other coworkers, TigerMom, went ahead and asked her if she was single. On my behalf, of course. It's nice to know that TigerMom is looking out for me. But, it set me up, because LaFlor's friend at work thinks I'm a rogue and can't be trusted. She told me she didn't appreciate TigerMom asking LaFlor a ton of personal questions. I can understand that, but LaFlor is old enough, and tough enough from my encounters with her, to fend for herself. Someone mentioned that Pee seems to be overly protective. Almost as if she has an interest in LaFlor. Hey, I think that's the hidden motive behind Pee's anger. Of course now knowing all this I think to myself that I SHOULD make more of an effort to get to know LaFlor, despite the fact that Pee doesn't approve, and that LaFlor has a boyfriend. I don't know that LaFlor isn't unhappy with her fella, or madly in love with him. LaFlor sure has seemed to be more friendly as of late. I have a theory that perhaps LaFlor is a little more interested in me than before and that Pee knows that and is trying to discourage her, because I'm a terrible person. Mainly because Pee knows about my little fling with LM. LM told her an earful of shit, and now I'm the bad guy. Bullshit! Whatever, it's no skin off my nose. LaFlor is nice, but she's not interested in me, so why should Pee even worry about it?
Today was the first day working at Central on a Monday. I've never worked on a Monday at Central But, since my Montrose gig is over now I can either starve to death or take the hours given me on Mondays. I'm only there for four hours, which made the time go fast today. It's amazing how much of a difference an hour makes.

July 8, More backlash from the LaFlor thing. I'm getting sick of all this drama at work. I think that from now on I'll show up, do my work, and just stay in my back office where I belong. Talking to these shitheads that I work with is only giving me trouble I didn't invite, and don't need. H invited Pee to have lunch with us. So now I have to have a nice friendly dinner with someone that doesn't like me? I guess so. I tried to flake out. H made me feel bad, so now I won't flake. But I will certainly not make myself very available in the future.
It's strange going to Central on back to back days at the start of my week. MicroManager told me today that she's taking one of my hours away on Tuesdays. Starting on the 22nd I'll start an hour later at 4pm. I don't mind it too much, because it's only an hour and I like to take that extra hour and just chill in my car. It's funny because, I was thinking how wonderful it was to work only 4 hours in the evening, because the shift goes by so fast. And now here I am with my Monday and Tuesday shifts being only four hours long. Woo! I think I'll try to make up that hour, and more, at San Marino. They already asked me to work Thursday nights for about a month.

July 9, My pseudo supervisor wants to see some results from what I've been working on next week. I'm not sure what she expects from me, seeing as I've had nearly zero direction when it comes the these projects. Of course, in the end, I'll just have to figure things out on my own. Which is how I work nowadays. No one ever has an answer for me. I fucking HATE that. So now I have to be the one with all the answers. I'm getting used to that.
After my computer class some of my coworkers and I were going to have lunch. But, because of the LaFlor thing I wanted to flake out on H. However, the last thing I texted her was, "I want to go." But, I guess she still thought we weren't going, so I ended up only going to Stash. Which is fine. I like the guy, and there were things about working these projects that I wanted to vent to him, and only him. He understood what I'm dealing with, because he had to deal with it for so long.
Finally I went over to TheGirl's for dinner. We went over to a local pizza place that serves up pizza pies for five bucks. They aren't good pizza pies, but they are cheap. TheGirl forgot the salad, so we both just had pizza for dinner. Kinda unfulfilled in my stomach. There was plenty of wine though, which made up for the rest. I told her about my recent work drama. We chewed the fat. Towards the end of the night we sat outside in her little backyard. Which is quite nice. She told me, "Every Wednesday I say to myself that this is the night I'll take Eric into my bedroom." But of course she doesn't. I'm willing to go, but I wonder if she wants me to initiate. I'm NOT going to do that. I'll wait. I can wait. I'm in no hurry. I sure don't want to repeat the mistakes of the past.

July 10, Today's route wasn't hard in terms of a lot of work. There's always a lot more work for me than the other drivers, because I'm reliable and I don't argue. Today I not only did my regular route, I also bought water, and had a special delivery. But the real highlight of the day was talking to TheDesire. I haven't texted her, or really interacted with her since that night that she mentioned only going to the Bowl with a "Significant other." That certainly ain't me, she has made that clear over and over again. But then I look into her eyes and that spark that I felt for her comes back in earnest. When I walked into her branch she says to me, "Hey stranger." I smiled. She went about her business. She then said something about not seeing much of me lately. I told her I've been busy with work and such. More like busy avoiding her. Truth is, I'm deeply infatuated with her despite trying to purge those feelings. You can't just turn off something like that. Pretending around friends is one thing, but the reality is that I'm still attracted to her, still infatuated, still have a crush on her. But I'm trying to remain strong and not fall into the same old pattern. If she wants to hang out with me she has to ASK ME. Boy, if she did I think I would flip. Afterward I was tempted to text her something. I thought better of it. It would serve no purpose, except to make me spiral down that same old well of desire. No boy, I've learned my lessons. Still, when I talk to her there's a spark in her eyes that I don't see her getting when talking to someone else. Of course, I'm biased.
After my shift I had dinner with So-so from work. We speculated who might be retiring. Turns out that there aren't that many people we think will definitely go. Of course we hope that MicroManager is one of them. For sure TheGirl's friend at work is retiring. Mainly because her husband is sick.
The above picture is of the website I'm building for work. It took me four attempts to finally get to this simple little site. It's because I have had zero direction when it comes to this project. After work, on my own time, I finally buckled down and created the site you see above. I say finally, because at work I have my pseudo supervisor sitting right next to me. It makes me nervous, and I feel like I had no aim. My pseudo supervisor has a vision of what this is supposed to look, but it does me no good unless I have knowledge of that vision. Also, having her over my shoulder is distracting. This is why I can't get any work done at work. Hence me doing the majority of the work at home tonight. I've done more work on the site tonight than I have in the last two weeks.

July 11, Last day of the week is always the most tiring. Today was no different. As I sit here writing this my body is weary. Thankfully tomorrow is my day off. But, will I have a moment's rest tomorrow, is the question. Today was pretty uneventful. About the only major thing is having lunch with So-so. She paid, what a nice gal. My buddy and I joked the other day that she is A GIRL. She's nice. But even if she wasn't married would I have a chance with her? I can't lie and say I haven't checked her out and wondered what it would be like to be with her. She's got a cuteness to her that needs exploring. Probably never going to happen, but it's a thought. Like I said, not much to speak of today.

July 12, Today is my one day off. But of course I don't want to be home, so I took my ass to work. Not to do any actual work at work, but just to get a few files on my cloud drive. I also ran a couple of errands. But aside from that, I didn't do anything. I don't WANT to do anything on my day off. But my aunt has now forced me to go into work on my day off. If only to just have some peace and quiet. If I stay at home she'll just pound me with questions. And really I don't want to deal with that on my day off.

July 13, Upon arriving at San Marino I got my water ready for my shift, and I ran into T on the stairs. She promptly told me that she had slept with LatinLover. I thought it might go that far soon, since she was saying that her time with him was hot and heavy. Of course now she's worrying that having slept with him is he now going to become less interested in her. Time will tell. Aside from that nothing really happened at work today. It was damn quiet. We at work were speculating that it was because of the continuing construction of the new parking lot. Who knows.
After work I was hungry, but I didn't want to bolt home because I was sure there wasn't anything for me to eat. So I took myself to the Hat and had a yummy pastrami sandwich, no fries. It hit the spot. I went home and relaxed in front of the TV. I thought of going down to Disneyland tonight, but I settled on the Hat instead. I am craving some Disneyland food though. Maybe I'll go next week.

July 14, In the morning my pseudo supervisor wasn't around, so I was left to my own devices. I ended up putting out a bunch of fires on the circulation desk. LaFlor thanked me for the help, and called me a gentleman. I wish she would call me and sit on my face. Ha! It was a hectic morning, but it's also fun.
I went to bed late last night talking to my buddy and drinking. Good shit, but then today I really felt it after lunch. I passed out in my car outside of my Montrose job. My nap clocked in at about 25 minutes, but it was not refreshing. I felt super tired when I woke up. I felt like I was sick, like I was coming down with something. Thankfully I was able to wake up in time for my last shift at the Montrose branch. I went about doing my job as well as possible. I didn't kill myself though. The branch manager can't say anything to me any more. I'm untouchable. All the branch manager could muster to say to me about this being my last day at her branch was, I bet MicroManager is happy that you won't be working here. I told her yeah. I worked there two years and a month. As I told my buddy tonight, "I didn't feel sentimental either - it's the end of a chapter that started out nice and ended with nothing meaning anything."
I asked TheGirl about what my fatal flaw is. She said it's the fact that I love completely. Hmmm, that doesn't sound like a "fatal flaw" to me. Sounds like a good thing. I'll ask her to explain on Wednesday.

July 15, My work day felt long today. It might be because I had to rush from one job to another. SM had me covering a shift on the reference desk today. Instead of leaving work at 1pm I had to leave at 2pm. Which only gave me an hour to bolt from one job to another. I was rushing. I went to Carl's and ordered some food. The food took so long to get to me that I was only able to eat half my burger before I had to pack it all up and jump in the care. I had to eat half the burger in the car. Of course that wasn't the only obstacle. I also had to deal with traffic on the 210. Thankfully it wasn't too bad. Still, I managed to eat the rest of my food and make it to work on time. It was nuts. The rest of the night wasn't very eventful.
I've noticed that my response to more and more things that aren't right is to just turn my back on them. Not that I don't want to deal with them, but that how I deal with them is to not give them importance. To just digress and walk away. I'm not entirely sure that's a good idea. But I really don't have many options.
Lastly, the quote above, about there being no good woman. I guess it's more of a thing that no one is good for anyone any more... man or woman. At least in my short life I've encountered more bad vibes than good. Sure, my time with TheGirl was really nice, while it lasted. But when it went to shit, it really went to shit. We're friends now, but a relationship is something that I suppose I can't sustain. I couldn't even get a moment with TheDesire. That's all I asked for, was a moment. A tiny little bit of time to win her over. But, I couldn't. I got my moment and failed.

July 16, Today was the last class of the "semester" for my computer class. It was a mess. Most of the students didn't hear that I told them to bring in their cameras so we could do photos. It's probably a good thing that I'll only have four sessions with them on the computers instead of the six I have now. Sometimes it feels like I'm stretching to find something to talk about in the class. There is a lot, but most of what they ask me about is over their heads. The changing of the class is going to be a good thing, because I can streamline some things and redo my syllabus.
There's not much to talk about during my shift. The shift was pretty good. No passport problems, which makes it easier to deal with.
After work I went to TheGirl's for our traditional dinner. We went to a Mexican restaurant in Studio city. It was pretty good. We only wish that there was booze there. But they told us they would take our food to the tavern next door if we wanted to. I would have gone, but TheGirl now has a limited time to be out of the house, because of her dog. She doesn't want to leave it by herself for too long. Which makes me wonder if she didn't get this dog on purpose, to purposely have an excuse for not being out all day. Hmm. We talked about plans for going to Disneyland as soon as her blackout window is open. The first day she can go is the weekend before Labor day. And I was planning on going to the Hollywood Bowl the next week. And since I can't find anyone else to go with I have come to the conclusion that I should ask TheGirl to go with me. Buuuutt, it is Labor day weekend, and she might have other plans. She didn't seem to have any when I mentioned it. I'll bring it up next time I see her.

July 17, Today was a long day on the route. I had the regular stuff to deliver, but they I also had 25 boxes to pick up from Dreamworks. It was hard work today. The Dreamworks guys put the books in the van using a forklift. So that made that part easy. But then the unloading wasn't so much fun. Especially since the boxes the books were in were all falling apart.
While on the route I, of course, saw TheDesire. Damn if she wasn't super cute today. Damn if she isn't still the most desirable woman I know right now. I was tempted to text her later, but thought better of it. I've been really good at this. I'm not going to lie, I would like her to text me, or invite me out. I do owe her a dinner. I seriously doubt that will happen ever. It's a shame, I had a great time hanging out with her. But that leads to nothing, and I can't invest emotions on someone who won't reciprocate. Still, I miss her.
On the way home I was falling asleep. As soon as I got home I knew that I had to go to the store with my aunt, but I was exhausted. I took a nap, and set my alarm for half an hour. Well, I slept for nearly an hour. I was dead tired when I returned home today. I woke up, struggled to get out of bed, and took my aunt to the store. Thankfully the store wasn't crowded. Overall a good day. Tomorrow... the question will be asked and answered... will MicroManager stay or leave?

July 18, Fridays are rough on me. They are the longest day of the week, in a sense. Even though I have longer days, it's completely concentrated in one location, Glendale. Mondays and Tuesdays I only work five hours, now four hours, at Glendale in the evenings. But, Fridays I get the full brunt of MicroManager. Today was filled with speculation on whether she is going to retire or not. Most of the day I tried to analyze her actions. She was in the boss' office a lot today, that must mean she's leaving. She was in her office a lot today, THAT must also mean she's leaving. Ah, who knows at this point. Until we get the final good-bye from her we won't know for sure. Of course I HOPE that all these actions on her part mean that she's taking a powder. I think the office may run a little slower, but it will certainly be a happier place to work. I came home and watched a little TV. Nothing major. I have to wake up early tomorrow.

July 19, A day off for me is rare these days, so I either cram a lot into one day, or I do nothing at home. Doing nothing and staying home isn't an option now, because my aunt is home on Saturdays. What enjoyment I get out of laying around doing nothing is all gone because she's going to gripe at me the entire day. Hence me loving the plans I had today. A former coworker from San Marino invited me to visit the Huntington. But that wasn't until 1pm. I have been craving a trip to Disneyland for some food.
I woke up early, drove down and arrived at Disneyland just after it opened, 8:20am. It wasn't easy waking up so early, but I knew it would be worth it. I bolted straight to the River Belle restaurant for their Mark Twain breakfast, consisting of eggs, sausage, biscuit and country potatoes. I completed my paring with a Mickey Mouse pancake. It all really hit the spot. After finishing eating I still had about three hours to play around in the park before I had to drive up to the Huntington. I started out by trying to burn some of the calories I just inhaled by going over to Tom Sawyer's island. I haven't been there in a couple of years. It was nice because there weren't too many people in the park yet. It's WAY too early. Even the tourists don't get up this early. They're on vacation, they have the luxury of having a room a few minutes away. They can sleep in, visit the parks a little, go back to their room to rest and get some food. Most locals come early, because they want to maximize their money. Also, today is a blockout date, so only those who have my level pass can go. And most of those stay away on Saturdays. Which is a shame, because early on Saturdays is good time to visit the park.
Following Tom Sawyer's island I went on the Haunted Mansion. Then walked around looking for another ride. I settled upon Pirates. I did some more walking, venturing to the other side of the park, Tomorrowland. Star Tours and Buzz Lightyear had long lines, and I didn't want to spend the little time I had this morning in line. I bounced around, looking at some of the shops, and finally went on the train. The conductor said that the caboose was available, so I quickly went back there and sat in a completely empty caboose. A kid joined me between stops, but went back to his seat with his family after we stopped at Toontown. I bought myself a Coke and left the park.
My timing was just right. I left the park and drove off to the Huntington and arrived with ten minutes to spare. I walked around the grounds with Rose, my former coworker. I bought her lunch. She hardly has a dime to her name. It was the least I could do, seeing as she invited me to this night. I wish either of us were so tired. It made it hard to explore the grounds. We only really viewed the Chinese and Japanese gardens. Both are pretty, though I like the Japanese gardens more. Both are being expanded. The Chinese garden has so many added buildings that it will be four times the size when it first opened (my guesstimation). Rose knows a lot about art, and likes to tell me things about it. She volunteers as a docent at the Norton Simon. I like her, she's a nice person. So rare these days. By the end of the day I was good and tired. I introduced her to Chan, and she got a kick out of him. I went home, exhausted, but thankful for a wonderful day. Disneyland was too short of a visit. However, it was good to get some yummy Disneyland food in my belly.

July 21, I was asked to cover for my coworker on the reference desk, because she was going to arrive a little late. Well, it turned out my office was commandeered by the fire department. They were doing some tests for their workers, and they took over my office, two of the study rooms, the computer lab, and the community room. Essentially I was kicked out of my office. But, since I had to cover the desk it was OK. I ended up just working the desk the entire morning.
I talked to my buddy about possibly going to get a Monte Cristo later this week. He won't know right away. I'm hoping for Friday, but it could be Thursday.
I went over to TheGirl's after work, as per usual on a Monday night. She has gone to two dog training sessions and already her dog has improved a lot. Tonight she wanted me to get the guinea-pig and have her dog try to jump on me. Whenever her dog did try to jump TheGirl pulled on the choke chain and the dog responded. I can see that this is definitely going to be a good thing. I'll be able to visit and not be completely jumped on. I hate when dogs jump on me. I'm not a dog person, but I like them when they pretty much leave me alone. Then again, you could say that I'm a cat person if I like that in a pet. Yes, I am a cat person.

July 22, Morning job was not eventful. However, there was a lot of news at my Glendale job. Today I found out who is going to retire. Two administrators, two librarians, that one girl that controls the arts shit, and TheGirl's friend that currently works in my department. Six people, and none of them is MicroManager. Fuck!! This is the worst news I could hear. But oh well. She's mellowed out the last few days. Something is definitely going on with her. She looked really tired tonight. Also, she was talking to the children's librarian. When I had to look for her she told me, "I have to talk to her outside, because I can't say some things inside." Hmmm. There are big changes on the horizon. MicroManager also told me that we will soon be working the one desk concept, which will apparently consists of one reference librarian, a customer service person, such as me, and then two people manning the phones. I'm not sure how that's going to work when it get really busy, but OK. I'm going to with the flow, because I have no choice. Today was a bad omen, only I think I'm the only one that realizes it fully.

July 23, I went to work like it was a normal day with my class, but I didn't have class today. I won't have computer class until September. But, I still need to maintain a certain amount of money flowing through my wallet. Hence me going to work "early" today. I didn't get much done, but I did get some minor things done. When I went to lunch it was just past 11:30am. I ate, then went to my car for a nap. The nap was about an hour long, but I didn't feel refreshed when I woke up. It took some time for me to feel awake. There's something telling in my naps not being restful. In the past I would wake up feeling energized. Not these naps. Though, I did hear somewhere online that fifteen minute naps are ideal, not one hour naps. But I'm tired. Back to work, for a moment. I pretty much cruised on my time at the reference desk. I didn't get my break, again. But, this is why I take it super easy when I'm on the desk. No reason to kill myself.
After work I had dinner with TheGirl. Before I got to her place she called me to say that it was too hot at her place, and that she rather go out and get something to eat. We ended up going to KFC. Who doesn't like KFC? Though the girl considers herself a vegetarian she has noticed that she is tired. She thinks she needs protein, hence her wanting to go to KFC. After dinner TheGirl took her dog for a walk, while I stayed at her place watching TV. I needed to sober up, after having at least 3/4ths of a bottle of wine all on my own. I went home, having to deal with a freeway full of bullshit drivers who drive at 50 MPH. Bullshit!

July 24, Today's route wasn't so hard, but it was difficult dealing with fucking hot temperatures. I went to Pasadena, dropped off their books, picked up our books and returned to glendale. Then I had to deliver the musical instruments to the branch where TheDesire works. She was friendly today. She looked cute. It's easy to like her. After my instrument delivery I had to start my regular delivery. There weren't too many books, thankfully. I also had an added trip to Burbank for a pick-up. I finished on time though.
I had dinner with my coworker So-so. We talked a lot of shop talk. Nothing ever gets resolved, of course, when we talk shop. After dinner I went over to TheDesire's branch. During the morning delivery of instruments she mentioned I should come back and help with the program. I knew the program would be over by the time I arrived after dinner, but I still went. The whole point was making an appearance. TheDesire is damn cute, and I still do like her. The guy at the garage knows my situation, but doesn't know all the players. He thinks I should still pursue TheDesire. Then again, he also thinks I should marry TheGirl. Wrong on both counts, I would say. Still, the thought came to me that I should try again. Dumb.

July 25, I arrived at work to find a pair of my coworkers saying that a foul odor was coming from the book drop. Some idiot dropped a bag of shit into the book drop. Thankfully it missed the book bin, but it filled the entire room with the smell of shit. My coworker Aaron and I got the bag of shit and put it in a larger bag. I then took it outside and threw it away. The book drop room still smelled like shit for the rest of the day. It was horrible. Who would do that? I wish we could check the security cameras and track down this fucking beast.
Work was pretty crazy today. We were super short staffed. Four full timers were out. One is the woman that is retiring, and has a sick husband. We all suspect she won't be back to work at all. We somehow managed to survive a light day at the library. I was dead tired, as seems to be the new normal these days. Thursdays and Fridays take a lot out of me, that's for sure. There isn't really much more to report. I went home and rested.

July 26, My buddy and I planned to go on a Monte Cristo run tonight after he got off work. But that wouldn't be until after 4pm. I decided to go to the Autry museum in Griffith park before hand. The Autry had an exhibit on Route 66. It was pretty good, but I always think they could have more stuff. The absolute best object at the exhibit was the original scroll/manuscript for the book "On the Road." That to me was like visiting Mecca. If TheGirl is right about things happening for a reason then this visit was to get me kick started with my project. It won't be on a long sheet of paper, but I do want it to be as good as Kerouac's work. Standing there, in front of the manifestation of his thoughts was a wonder. I could hardly contain myself. I stood in front of that exhibit longer than I spent on the rest of the exhibit. It's the only thing that meant something to me there.
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July 27, Not a hell of a lot to report today. It's been hot, and I went to work today. Sundays have been quiet at the library. Most of the patrons that come in are there just to study. I didn't field many questions today. I like it that way. I like not doing much work.
I came home, at some dinner, watched some TV, a few things on YouTube, and then sat down to continue my indexing project. I have so many albums full of photos that it's nearly impossible to find anything I want. I can't search for them, because very few photos have been indexed. Hence me going through ALL of my photos and indexing them. Nearly at a one at a time pace. I don't expect to be finished any time soon. And now that I think about it, there are still some other photos on my old hard drive that also need to be indexed. It's going to be a long task, but in the end it will be worth it.
TheGirl texted me this morning to say her usual good morning. She then went quiet for the rest of the day, until 9:20pm tonight. I remember how that used to drive me crazy. That is before I decided to move away from her emotionally. I did a good job, and now she can not text me all day and I don't really notice. I only noticed because I checked after she texted me good night what was the time of her previous text. Whatever. It turns out she spent the day with TheChisel. He posted something about going to a restaurant with her tonight. You know, TheGirl claims to not like TheChisel. Claims to hate spending time with him. Claims that she can't stand him. Claims that she is no longer sleeping with him. Claims a lot of negatives. But the truth is she's still hanging with him. She says she's not sleeping with him, but I'm not so sure. I know that lately she's said she's wanted to sleep with me. We haven't, and it's probably because I haven't pressed it. I don't want to press it. While the idea of having sex is great, I know better than to visit that well with her. She gets a pass, gets what she wants, and also learns nothing. I like hanging with TheGirl, but in the last year and a half I've gone from thinking I can't live without her in my life, to knowing that I can. She will always remain special to me, but no longer THAT special. I've debated on whether I should bring it up to her that I know she skipped out on one of our Wednesday dinners to have dinner with TheChisel for his birthday. I've debated just bringing him up in any context. I haven't, mainly because it's not worth it. She wants to tell me one thing and do another? I should be used to that. She's a liar. Not a very good one, but a liar nonetheless. And here I thought there wasn't anything to write about tonight.

July 28, Something in my gut told me this morning as I drove into work that today would be a shitty day. Sure enough, the commute was good, but then after that the dumb stuff started. I opened the back door at work and the alarm starts going off. I thought someone had already opened the library, but no one had. I was first on the scene, not knowing that the boss was at a meeting and hadn't opened the library. I quickly called the alarm service and made sure the cops didn't show up. This is the second time I've set off the alarm at work. Or is it the third time? No more of that kind of stupidity. I do it because I've been too lazy to walk around the building, but from now on I'm walking around the building.
Then I arrived at job two, Glendale. Some random guy was outside with a desk and chair saying he wanted to set up his desk there, and that other places had let him. Well, that's not us. Later on I overheard MicroManager talking to one of my coworkers that soon we'll be trying out the one desk concept. No one seems particularly happy with this change. Change can be good, but only when it's good chance. This seems like the total opposite.
As I said before, my gut told me today was doing to be bad, and sure enough all the little things piled up to make the day a bad one. No one big thing happened that was terrible, but so many little things were just difficult. So many little things just didn't seem right. I spent the entire day putting out fires, but ultimately it was all for naught.

July 29, There isn't much to report from my morning job. Just work. The main stuff happened at my Glendale job. I had to make a special delivery of stuff. There was just barely enough time to it done on time. The main thing I want to write about is this new system that the library is implementing. One desk with one customer service person, and one librarian. This is going to suck. The real reason this is being done is couched in the notion that after the renovation we will have a new style of doing things at the library. But what is behind it really is a move to have fewer and fewer employees do more and more work. The writing is on the wall. My Glendale job has become a sinking ship, a lumbering mess bound for failure. the people upstairs, in the executive offices, have no concept of reality, because if they did they wouldn't want us to work on a shoe string budget and piecemeal staff. This is a disaster from which this library may never recover. It's total bullshit! It is a slap in the face to all things that libraries stand for, knowledge. My Glendale job isn't an institution of knowledge anymore, it's a coffee shop. It has discarded its core values in favor of a gleaming facade of ebooks and best sellers. The future of this library is now in jeopardy. I think that it's in a death spiral. Certainly the moral is falling like a lead weight. If reason isn't brought into the discussion then we are certainly doomed. To borrow a line from Carl Sagan, "There is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves."

July 30, Once again my shift on the reference desk was whatever. Nothing really to report. My pseudo supervisor has been letting me do my thing at my pace But now I can tell she wants more faster, the closer we get to the big fundraising event. Time for me to get some shit done.
Dinner with TheGirl was good. I vented about all the changes that are happening at Glendale. I told her that she got out just in time. The city is becoming a sinking ship. I like to think that my reference skills will help me retain my job. I have the skills they want, and I'm hard working, and I'm loyal. This guarantees nothing, of course. Nevertheless, I think that I'll fall right into place, because everyone else on the circ. desk doesn't have those reference skills. Well, most don't. Anyone that works, worked, at the branches have those skills. Dinner was nice. TheGirl actually remembered that tomorrow would have been our forth anniversary.
When we came into each other's lives, I don't think that either of us realized how much of an influence we would really be. Or that we would be friends after our little affair and subsequent relationship. Life is constant change, let's not try to say it isn't. Most of the time the big things do take time to chance, and when they do they change subtly. This is why chance that is sudden always shocks us. Well, this is a time of great chance, some of it subtle, but a lot of it big. The changes at my Glendale job is nothing short of a sea-change. We are completely changing the way we do business. Not everyone is happy about it, which is natural. I know some people will drag their feet. I will just go with the flow. Life has taught me that change is like a current, there's no fighting it when it's got you.

July 31, The route today was brutal. Not only was there all the regular route duties, made all the more difficult by the heat. But then there was the water run, the special person run, and finally two special deliveries. And on top of that was the fact that I was going to work at my other job, and couldn't stay late at job one. Somehow I was able to finish it all, and I was only fifteen minutes over. It was a feat accomplished by cutting my lunch in half, and going all out the rest of the time. Not a lot of fun.
I talked to TheDesire today while on the route. It was announced yesterday via email that she will be the new Teen librarian. A nice move up for her. And I might see her more often at Central. If things work out right with this new one desk idea I might even work with her AT THE SAME DESK! How nuts would that be? I'm getting ahead of myself, of course. And it is nothing more than a thought right now. Still, the Universe has ways of making these things sort of happen.
Speaking of the one desk thing, everyone seems to hate it. I can already see people dragging their feet when it comes to the implementation of these new procedures. THIS, in the long run, might be a good thing. Change is coming. I'm ready for it. Those who will drag their feet aren't ready for it. Bring it on.
Today would have been TheGirl and I's forth anniversary. She mentioned something about it last night after I said, "Yeah, tomorrow is JULY 31st." She remembered. I told her today how I was like an A-bomb to her life... but in a good way. She agreed and said I'm still that to this day. Yeah, it's been a great and rough four years since TheGirl and I started this journey. When TheChisel showed up in the picture I never thought I would still be friends with TheGirl. But, here we are. The sleeping together looms over us. She has said she wants to, and certainly I haven't forced it yet. I'm not entirely sure what I'll do if that day comes. It will come though. And meanwhile I hate to say that I'm still hung up on TheDesire. She looked so nice today. Those wants and desires came flushing back. They never left. Since her rejection I've only wanted her more. But to what end? To just sleep with her? At this point in my life I want more. I digress. TheGirl changed my life for the better, then for the worse, and then for the better again. I'm glad I still have her in my life. She taught me a lot of life lessons.

In my travels around the internet I've seen many things. Of course I'm a man, so the female form is always going to be a source of wonder for me. I can't help but look and frankly lust after a beautiful woman. Instagram has become where many people post photos. Because of the hashtag one can search these posts. Or sometimes they find you.

The first of my posts is of a girl (above) who liked one of my posts. That like gave me access to her posts, which I found to be interesting, to say the least. She's a pretty girl, with a really hot body. That's all I really know of her. Well, I know she lives here in Los Angeles, I think somewhere in South Pasadena. She's a waitress, and likes going to the beach. I don't know if she has a fella, since she doesn't post pictures of him. It would be nice to meet her some day, but I doubt I ever will. Still, I like her posts.

The previous two photos are posts by a girl I worked with at the library about four years ago. A tall, leggy and pretty blonde, she caught my eye instantly. I even asked her out on a date. She just said she was flattered, but didn't say yes. Oh well. I still follow her on FB, and she has liked some of my posts. I've wanted to go to some of her gallery events, but I haven't had the time. I don't think she would go out with me if I asked her out. So, I enjoy her posts... especially these two above. ;)

The girl above is just a random girl that my buddy once sent me a link to. She's pretty. This is a rare posting, because instagram doesn't allow nudity.

Justice is perhaps the most perfect girl alive. There isn't a photo in which she doesn't look like she's glowing, ravishing, cute, and hot all at the same time! Just look at her. She's a dream. She has a cute and innocent face, and a beautiful figure. Every photo my buddy sends me of her is better than the previous photo. I'm not sure how that's possible, but it is.