How could October top September?  What with September highlighted by a trip to Big Sur, which automatically makes ANY month the best month of the year.  Still, October did pretty good to keep up with the previous month of goodness.  Here's the month in review.

Fifty-seven days until Thanksgiving trip to Big Sur/Carmel

Oct 1, When I was up in Monterey I talked to a fella at a Kincade gallery about art and other stuff.  TheGirl saw that the guy was interested and she encouraged me to follow up with an email.  So I did.  The guy responded today.  Here's what he said:

Absolutely I remember you.  You took that beautiful sunset photo on your iPhone that was inspiring and really moving.  I did take a look at your website.  I would say your structure, composition, and framing are absolutely amazing.  I read your artist statement.  A question I have is, how do you pull in and interact, through your photos, with the collector and allow them to join in and follow you on your same journey with finding yourself or "ourselves" in the Universe?
I am intrigued your concept behind your structure.  Although we all lead individual lives, there are many times when we as members of society cross paths with each other in unique moments of our lives.  Perhaps relating to moments in life or unique moments in life you can have the collector's life cross paths with yours and join in on helping you find the answer to your place in the Universe.  Just a thought.
What sort of help are you looking for with getting your foot in the door?
OK, now I have to respond back and hopefully dance this dance the right way so that he can hook me up with some people who might want to buy my shit.  Or maybe he'll represent me.  Time will tell.

Chan is ballin'

Oct 2, Every "semester" I try something different with my senior computer class.  I try to hone what I teach them.  I try to figure out what they need more than what I think they need.  Today class was a free for all.  I'm not used to raising my voice, so I didn't.  But more than once I had to say, "OK, let's all get on the same page."  It was my way of calming everyone down.  It worked, but I have to get a handle on this thing.
My shift at work was almost no work, which is damn fine by me.  Less work the better, that's for sure.  My coworker Holly mentioned that this might be her last week working on a Wednesday.  But, then I saw that this week and next she's still on for Wednesdays.  Nice.  She's the best clerk to work with, because we can relate, and we think alike.  And she can get the shit done.
After work I went over the TheGirl's for traditional Wednesday night dinner.  She made mac and cheese and a salad.  I appreciate that she feeds me once a week.  Once in a while I'll pick up the tab and we'll go out for dinner.  I'm super poor this week, and payday isn't until Friday.  Until then I have $3 to live on.  Not fun.  TheGirl paid me her half of the Big Sur hotel fees.  I couldn't resist having Chan pose with the money for his Facebook page.  This is why you see that picture above.  That monkey brings me a lot of joy.

Oct 3, The route was fine today.  A new wrinkle was added last week when I was told that the money I take to the treasurer's office has to be counted in my presence.  Today they told me that I have to be at the treasurer's office at 2pm.  I'm just getting back from lunch at 2pm.  The earliest I can be over at city hall is 2:15.  But that's not realistic because sometimes things happen and I'll arrive past 2:30, which is when the treasurer's office closes.  Also, I now have TheHusband's schedule, and he leaves the city hall area at around 2:30.  Don't want to run into that guy.  But, as TheGirl has said he doesn't care.  Yeah right!  Let's just see how much he doesn't care the day I do run into him somewhere and he realizes who I am.  Oh well, can't worry about shit that hasn't happened yet.  Aside from that, nothing significant enough to write about happened today.

Scenes from Friday night - Taco Spot and Chinatown

Oct 4, Work was a little crazy today.  Four full-timers were out today for various reasons.  Who was left had to pick up the slack.  That meant I was a Jack of all trades today.  The second half of my shift I was supposed to sort books, but there were no books to short, and the supervisor's schedule had holes in certain tasks.  I was sent in to pinch-hit.  Thanks to that the day went fast.
After work TheGirl and I were going to go to Disneyland in our original plans.  However, after finding out that Disneyland was going to be closing at 7pm, and that our only option was going to be visiting DCA we decided not to go.  Also, the clusterfuck we had to steer through on Friday the 13th last month made TheGirl weary of going on a day when so many people would be stuck having to go to DCA instead of Disneyland.  We instead decided to get some food, and then go to Chinatown for a little walk.  TheGirl apologized in advance when she emailed me to say that her daughter would be joining us.  I honestly don't mind her tagging along.  It's not like TheGirl and I are dating.  We're just friends.
We all went to a place called the Taco Spot in Eagle Rock for dinner.  The food was pretty yummy, but certainly not the best I've ever had.  Still, it's good to have a tried somewhere new.  Following dinner we booked it over to Chinatown, which was practically all shut down.  All the stores anyway.  Nearly every restaurant was still open though.  Our walk was short, but our night didn't end there.  We headed down to Silverlake, where we ended up at a 99 cent store.  By then the food in our bellies and the long work day made us both agree that it was time to call it a night.  It was good to hang with TheGirl on a Friday night.  Don't think that this means I'm considering going back with TheGirl.  She and I are best as friends.  The benefits part is nice, but it also carries too much baggage these days.  Perhaps if I knew TheHusband and TheChisel were out of the picture it would be better.  Anyone except TheChisel.  He represents the anger I should be directing towards TheGirl.  But I rather not.  So, by that he becomes the bad guy in all this.

Oct 5, It's nice to have a day where I don't do a thing.  Today is such a day.  I ran a couple of errands, and that's it.  Otherwise I've been sitting here watching TV.  Ahhh!

Chilaquiles from Delta Taco in Silver Lake

Oct 6, Today started early since I had plans to go with TheGirl to the meditation center we went to a few weeks back.  I told myself that I would go more often, even if it was without TheGirl.  Buuuut, football season started and that became the priority.  Following the meditation center I dropped off TheGirl at her place.  She was going over to her mother-in-law's house to celebrate her daughter's birthday.  Which is actually next week, but next week we're all going to Disneyland.
After I dropped TheGirl off I had some things I wanted to do before going home.  I was hungry, so I wanted to eat.  I needed booze.  I needed to buy my cousin's kids a birthday gift, because this coming Thursday is their birthday.  And my car needed gasoline.  I first went to the liquor store.  I like this one vodka named Wodka, from Poland.  It's good, and it's inexpensive.  And it packs a punch.  It's also quite smooth, and doesn't give me a bad hangover the next morning.  There's one liquor store that carries it, that I know of.  It's called Mission Wine and Spirits.  They have several locations, two in Glendale.  I went to the one closest to TheGirl's place.  "Lucky" me found the fucking place closed.  I was running on fumes, so the next priority became refueling.  After that I needed refueling, so I booked it over to Silverlake for some tacos.  I was craving tacos.  There's a place on Sunset in Silverlake that says it has the best chilaquiles in town.  A bold statement, I say.  I was compelled to try them.  They were pretty good.  Traditionally they come with eggs mixed in, but I wanted them the way my Grandmother used to make them, without eggs.  I also ordered a taco to check out how those tasted.  The chilaquiles were pretty good.  They needed some sour cream.  The taco was flavorless.
After I had my chilaquiles I went downtown to get a gift for my cousin's kids.  I was thinking of getting them a book from The Last Bookstore downtown.  But, there was this bicycle thing going on and most of the streets in downtown were blocked off.  I tried a couple of blocks and just decided to head home.  I bought a pair of books online.  I picked a book I grew up reading, and another that had Van Gogh art.  I think that covers it.  Time for bed.  Another week starts tomorrow.

Oct 7, Today felt like a really long day.  This despite the fact that I didn't start my second job of the day until 4pm.  I had an extra hour for myself.  Which I used to take an hour long nap.  You would think THAT would make the day feel shorter, but it didn't.  Work didn't go by faster either.  Dammit!  My work day should fly since I have that hour less, and in payment of not getting paid for the hour I lost.  Bullshit!  This is not going to be an ordinary week.
TheGirl has been talking about how TheChisel is a pain in her side for a while now.  And she isn't happy about a lot of things in her life.  Today she emailed me and she included the following:

One person in my life I need permanently removed is TheChisel.  This guy is stressing me out waaaaaay too much.  I can't tolerate this crap anymore!  Help me Chan!

Oct 8, Today was completely uneventful at work.  The only thing that happened of any consequence to this journal comes from an email TheGirl sent me late in the day.  In yesterday's email she mentioned what you have just read, that she needed to permanently remove TheChisel from her life.  TheGirl's email from today said this, "Well, I broke the news to TheChisel...  DRAMA!!!!  I'll update you tomorrow night.  He won't stop."  All this means is that she told him something.  I'll know more tomorrow, as she said.  I'm pretty sure this is not the end of all this.  This guy has hounded her to this point, he's not going to stop.  I'm not entirely happy with all this.  Partially because I have been in his shoes.  I told TheGirl that he was me, just several months behind in the schedule.  TheGirl does this to men.  We fall for her, and she bolts.  I wasn't even clingy, like this guy, yet I was still out the door because she felt that itch.  He and I played it in completely different ways.  His play has gotten him ousted.  I'm still the friend, the one she can trust.  I don't want to go back with TheGirl.  I've been there and done that, and the break-ups are all the same.  Simply being her friend is fine by me.  There's no drama that way.
And yet I'm not going to sit here and tell you that there isn't a part of me that not only says I told you so, and knew this would happen.  But there's a part of me that is happy to have this guy blow it.  I hated that he was able to meet her family without the stigma of our affair.  I hated that I was the one that finally made her leave her husband, and yet I only had a few months happiness with her.  I hated that he was able to post to the Facebook world the great time he was having, while I could never even acknowledge our relationship because of the affair.  To be fair, I didn't deserve those things.  I didn't care about them until after he was able to flaunt his time with her.  I know what he must be feeling, because I've been where he is a few times.  All I know is that I'm still standing.  I like begin single.  And as my friend Holly points out, I need to cut ties with TheGirl eventually.  She's right, even though I don't want to right now.  It's because in a sense she's still the pseudo girlfriend. 

My car has traveled 50,000 happy miles

Oct 9, Today my beloved car, Crockett, passed 50,000 miles on my way to work.  Wow, 50,000 miles in two years and three months.  The majority of those miles have been to and from work.  But there have been some really great miles going to Disneyland, and Solvang, and Big Sur.  The Big Sur miles probably represent no more than 5% of my total miles driven, maybe tops 7%, but they are the most beautiful and significant miles I've driven in my car.  In seven weeks I intend on going up to Big Sur and Carmel to write what I hope will be a masterwork of writing.  I will pour my heart out, and use every ounce of my writing craft to write this dang thing already.  My first trip to Big Sur just about a year and three months ago represent the most significant miles I've driven in my car.
My senior computer class is pretty rowdy this session.  It's because of two woman that sit to the left of me in class that start talking to each other when I'm trying to teach.  So frustrating!  But, only one more week of this group.  My shift on the desk was pretty chill today.  Our internet went down, so we had to use the back-up to check out books.  Thankfully not too many people came in without their library card.  This also meant that we couldn't check in books.  Again, more chill factor.  Woo!
The saga of TheGirl and TheChisel continues.  We couldn't speak openly because TheGirl's daughter was there.  So I texted her, and here's our conversation.

Me: we couldn't talk openly but I don't knw what final resolution of the whole a Chisel thing is
TheGirl: He stresses me out. Don't need that shit in my life. I get mean and nasty, which is not me, when I start feeling this way.
Me: so you told him not to stress you out anymore?
TheGirl: No, I told him I wanted space, and lots of it.  I'll still see him, but not all the time. Just every once in a while.
Me: hmmm.. that sounds like he's just gonna be twice as creepy
TheGirl: Damn, I sure hope that doesn't happen.
Me: just wait.. You'll see
TheGirl: Don't tell me that.  I'm doing this in a nice way.  I could just tell him to fuck off.  I don't want to do that.
Me: it will most likely come to that, I'm just saying

My cousin's twins are five years old today

Oct 10, My cousin's kids celebrated their fifth birthday today.  My cousin spoke about how she couldn't believe that it had been five years since they were born.  It was six years ago whens he was married.  Wow, six years ago I was just finishing up my stint at CSUN.  I had a huge crush on Sylvia.  Amazing how things progress.  These two didn't even exist back then.  And now, here they are.  Time flies.  I bought them a pair of books, one from my own childhood, and one featuring art by Van Gogh.  I want them to know the artistic side of the world, since it has filled my life with so much joy.

Oct 11, It was a weird day at work, mainly because I was doing stuff I don't usually do.  Also, because the patrons were just a little off.  Like it was a full-moon, or something.  My homeless buddy bought me a huge sandwich, and gave it to me at lunch.  If I wasn't so poor I would have bought him dinner.  His birthday is the same day as my aunt's in a couple of weeks.  Not sure what to get either of them.  After talking to my bud I went home and crashed.
One little thing that didd happen today is that one of my coworkers bought an iPhone.  In sharing moments about stuff he found out that I like AE, who I should just nickname TheDesire.  He saw it in the notes I was sharing about the book I want to write.  He saw her name clearly on the page and said, "Uhmmmmmm."  Yeah, it's not that big of a secret that I was seeing TheGirl when she still worked there, and that I have an interest in TheDesire/AE.  I'm pretty transparent.

Clase de computacion, lead by Juan, my coworker at Montrose

Oct 12, I was asked earlier in the week if I could come in on a Saturday to help out my coworker from Montrose with his computer class.  The class is conducted in Spanish, so he had to ask those who know computers and speak Spanish.  I was the last one he asked, I suspect.  Either way though, the class was fun.  Three hours goes FAST, and I think we barely scratched the surface of what the students expected to learn from the class.  Especially since the class is only two sessions.
As I was arriving in the morning for the computer class I received a phone call from my other job.  They wanted me to come in to cover for someone who didn't show.  I told them I wouldn't be free until 1pm, which put me in a pickle since I didn't plan for this.  However, I quickly ate a burger at Carl's and made it with five minutes to spare.  The shift went pretty quickly.  I was tired, but I went to Fry's to check out a tablet my uncle in Mexico wanted me to buy for him.  The price online is better, so I didn't buy it.  I was definitely tired from today, because when I was just sitting in my chair in the evening I fell asleep.  I woke up about an hour later, changed into my PJs and went to bed.  Just as I was going to bed I noticed TheGirl had texted me when I was passed out.  Oh well.  I explained to her why I missed her text and went to sleep.

HF, posing for a picture that is featured on a video she needed for a possible job

Oct 13, My friend and coworker HF mentioned to me yesterday that the internship she is seeking asked for a video showing what product she liked of the company that she would be interning for, and why.  I knew she needed help, so I volunteered to help her shoot and edit the video.  I drove out to San Marino and together we came up with some ideas.  It took us about two hours to finally get anything started.  It was clumsy, and the pictures and footage we shot felt rushed to me.  But we were in a rush, so we had no choice but to continue.  Around 5pm the library was closing and we had to bolt from the upstairs offices.  We were hungry, and so were our coworkers.  Someone suggested a place a couple of miles from the library that had good Mexican food.  I was not only hungry, I was game to eat some yummy Mexican food.  The food was pretty good, it was certainly plentiful.  I ordered sopes.  Following dinner we went down to a local restaurant for some margaritas.  One of my coworkers ordered a pitcher, but the margaritas were weak.  I inhaled mine, but it didn't have any effect on me.  So I poured another, and still nothing.  I ended up drinking a whole pitcher by myself.  It was only when I ordered a Jack and Coke that I FINALLY felt any kind of a buzz.  I was able to drink so much because I wasn't driving.  Our mutual coworker dropped HF and I off back at the library.  We STILL had to edit the videos together.  We didn't finish the project until past 11pm.  HF won't know if she made the cut until Friday.  I wish her the best of luck.  Especially since now I have more than a vested interest in this.

The Haunted Mansion is all decked out for Halloween and Christmas

Oct 14, Usually Mondays is the worst day of the week.  This Monday is TheGirl's daughter's twentieth birthday, and i was invited to come along to Disneyland.  Not one to pass up a chance to go there I asked for the day off from my two crumby jobs.  It was funny since we didn't even spend time with TheGirl's daughter or her daughter's boyfriend.  We just served as the ride to the park.  It's all strange since at the end of the day I'm spending time with TheGirl, and her daughter, and what would TheHusband say to all that?  It's absolutely nuts.  But it's the kind of nuts we all live with in this life.  TheGirl and I had a great time.  The lines were not that long.  The longest we waited was for Indian Jones, and that was forty minutes.  Aside from that the most we waited was twenty minutes for any attraction.  We ate lunch at the new Jolly Holiday bakery, at my suggestion.  I saw online that they had a really good looking Reuben sandwich.  Alas, the sandwich was not on the menu.  I settled for a turkey sandwich, which was super yummy.  The highlight of the visit was going to the Haunted Mansion, which was all decked out in the Nightmare Before Christmas overlay.  Because it was a school night we couldn't stay the entire day.  Which was actually good, because TheGirl and I went to the new Carthy Circle restaurant in DCA for some drinks and I was still buzzed.  TheGirl drove us to her place, and I drove her daughter's boyfriend home.  It was a great day.  I so love Disneyland!
During our visit to the Carthy Circle bar TheGirl and I got buzzed and we started to talk about her situation with TheChisel and TheHusband.  She told me TheChisel is out.  TheHusband is still a part of her life.  She enjoys having TheHusband in her life, and pretty much confirmed that she was still still loved TheHusband.  She mentioned how she liked having him in her life.  I knew there was a reason why she stayed with him all those years.  At the end of the day she put up with all his shit because she loved him.  Amazing.  All the pain she inflicted on him and she can say she loved him.  The same goes for stupid me though.  She loved me, and she has inflicted a lot of pain on me.  Such is life, right?

Oct 15, Today was a strange day.  It is hard to explain, but suffice to say events happened at work that made me just scratch my head.  Mainly it was the interaction with strange patrons that makes me say this.  I think it's because my mind was still at Disneyland.  I just wanted the day to be over as soon as possible.  That's all I know.

Oct 16, Today I had my last computer class of the semester.  I think it's the last class until January.  I'm OK with that, I like sleeping in on Wednesdays.  But what made the day long was waking up with a bit of a sore throat, and some body aches.  My class this last semester was a rowdy bunch, and I found it hard to deal with them at times.  It also felt to me like they actually couldn't do anything.  Today one of the students kept asking questions that I was working up to answering.  He would insist on asking a question that I would have answered in a few minutes.  That threw me off a bit.  I need a break from all this.  I like the extra money I make, but this class is getting to be ri-god-damn-diculous.

Oct 17, I woke up feeling sick, but not as sick as last night at dinner with TheGirl.  I told myself as I struggled to wake up this morning that I wouldn't allow myself to think that I was sick.  I figure that the power of positive thinking could make me feel better, even as I struggled to get out of bed this morning.  Work threw me off a bit as well.  We had a drill that was meant to prepare us for an Earthquake, if one should happen to happen while we are at work.  We walked up the street to a parking lot to assemble.  We did a head count and returned to the library where I started my route.  I was forty minutes later than my normal schedule, because of the drill and some changes to the route.  While on my route everyone wants to talk to me.  I'm easy to talk to, what can I say.  On my second to last stop a girl that knows I have a crush on TheDesire says to me, "Will you marry me?"  I replied, "Sure."  TheDesire was right in-between us as we had this exchange.  I so wanted to tell TheDesire that who I REALLY wanted to be with is her.  When I was a kid a girl said she was married to me, and that made me feel so happy.  It wasn't quite the same today, because the one I want to say this to me is TheDesire.  Speaking of, she mentioned that she wanted to learn more about photography.  Ah, yeah!  I, of course, offered to teach her ALL I know.  I want to believe that TheDesire has been told I like her and is ready to reciprocate.  TheDesire is nice, and I REALLY want to be with her.  I suspect that we would make a great couple.  We would blow every other couple out of the water.  Of course, that might be the booze in my hot toddy talking.  Still, one never knows.  What I do know is that pretty much everyone knows I have a huge crush on TheDesire.  I wonder why?  Ha!

Oct 18, I walked into work this morning and noticed that the schedule had me going to lunch at noon, and then shelving for three out of the last five hours of my shift.  That is some crazy bitch schedule.  I hate shelving for that many hours, because nowadays there are enough pages that the books are getting on the shelf quick fast, and the shorting room is nearly empty of books.  Which means there isn't much to do.  Which is usually OK, unless you're shelving.  In that case it makes the hours feel like they aren't moving at all.  A bad combination for me since I was going to be shelving for three hours.  However, two the full-timers didn't show up, so all that shelving time turned into alternating between the front desk and the manning the phones.  That helped the time go faster.  Not having mean supervisor around also helped.
After work I was tired and just wanted to chill outside talking to my homeless buddy.  Also, I was texting TheDesire about a job application she was going to drop off to me so I could fill it out and she could hand it in.  The job is a page job at the Beverly Hills library.  I've been shot down twice before for a job there.  Third time would be nice if it was the charm.  I don't have many hours I can work however.  I would have to give some hours up somewhere.  I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.  TheDesire and I spoke for about an hour.  I'm sure we could talk all night.  I like her, I mean I REALLY like her.  It's getting serious on my part, to the point that I worry I'm going down that old path of mine.  The one where I develop a huge crush on the girl that can never be fulfilled because I have zero chance at being with her.  I spoke to TheGirl about motivation, and in this case my motivation is to be loved.  It's all about me, remember?  I'm very attracted to TheDesire.  I like her personality and her body, and I know that we would be good together.  At least I hope we could be.  For now it's just a wish that may never be fulfilled.

Various shots of my friends and coworkers at San Marino

Oct 19, Today was supposed to end with a few of us heading out for drinks after we worked the library's annual fundraising event.  Those plans went out the window, but more on that later.  During the morning I didn't do anything but sit and watch TV.  I knew the time was getting to be short, and I only had a short amount of time to run an errand in the morning, so finally picked myself up and headed to a store in Reseda to buy some jeans.  All the jeans that I have now are completely ripped.  Not huge rips, but rips in strategic places.  Crotch, back pockets, and they're discolored.  It was definitely time to get some new ones.
Once out in San Marino I went about taking some beauty shots of the entire night's set-up.  Then during the event I took pictures of the entertainment and such.  Good times, definitely.  Then came the fun.  One of the former coworkers, the girl I almost asked out a few years ago, was getting a little rowdy at the end of the night.  We all sat around one of the tables in the children's department, and she was cussing up a storm.  We were thinking of heading out for some drinks when we saw Carolina (pictured above in right panel) and T coming out of the bathroom.  Carolina was barely on her feet.  Later T told us that Carolina just fell in a heap while in the bathroom.  We grabbed a chair from the patio and sat Carolina in it.  A few minutes later Carolina was throwing up.  We needed to get her out of there and back home.  Her boyfriend, one of the few other guys at work, panicked a little.  He was NOT happy with her passing out and throwing up.  Who would be, right?  They had me fireman carry Carolina to EW's (Carolina's boyfriend) car.  He strapped her in, but she was still just in a heap, literally dead weight.  We all drove in a caravan down to her place, which was only five minutes down the street.  Three of us carried her into her apartment, and placed her on her bed.  Within a few moments she was throwing up again.  The girls in the bunch told us boys to get out as they were going to clean her up.  When I came back into her place she was in new clothes, and her sheets were in the bathtub.  They had cleaner her up as best they could and EW said he was going to stay with her.  He told me later that he stayed up watching Netflix all night.  I'm sure he was worried, as we all were, that she had had too much to drink.  Thankfully she had thrown up most of what was in her stomach. 
Following that whole thing four of us went out to a bad in Alhambra.  It was a late night at that point, so I didn't go nuts drinking.  TheDesire texted me as we were at the bar, saying she had gone out with her friend and that they had become separated.  Worst of all she couldn't find her.  We continued to exchange texts for about half an hour.  TheDesire finally found her friend and was heading home.  I told her to text me when she was home.  Then we all headed back to drop me off at my car, which was still at the library.  I got in and went home.  I didn't get home until 2am.  Crazy shit.  Some thoughts, now that I've told you all that.  I've had a little bit of a crush on Carolina since she first started working at San Marino.  Nothing huge, I just thought she was pretty and I liked our conversations.  We really seemed to click, but maybe that's more me than her.  In carrying her I got to be a little closer than most workmates get to be to another workmate that they have a crush on.  Not to say that I was super attracted to her at that moment, but I thought about what have been different in the last four years if I had made the move on her before EW did.  Would we still be together?  Would someone like TheGirl even have come into my life.  There are more IFs, but it's silly to speculate.  What I do know is that I still like her.  TheDesire is the main focus on, well, my desire.  I'll probably get shot down when I actually ask her out.  However, I hate to say that the thought that if EW decided to dump Carolina that I wouldn't be inclined to ask her out myself.  Yes, even after tonight's shit.  Funny enough, I think that she and I are more compatible than EW and her.  A few of my coworkers spoke to that fact.  Oh well, it's all a pipe dream.
Speaking of, in the picture above there is a new face to our group.  DC is the girl with the reddish hair on the bottom left panel.  My point is that she's cute.  Everyone sees the way I look at her, and how I flirt with her.  One of my coworkers even asked if I was interested.  I told her I was, but that I thought DC had a fella already.  I come to find out later from the Asian girl in the same panel that yes, she does have a fella but that things aren't all peaches and cream with them.  However, then H told me that there was a rumor that LM and I slept together, and that DC had heard that and that it put me out of the running for anything with her.  Oh well, if this is true then oh well indeed.  Some things aren't meant to be.

Oct 20, Didn't do anything today but watch football and pick up my aunt from work.  Awesome!

A text exchange between TheDesire and me

Oct 21, Back to the grind today.  Morning work was not too bad.  Just checking in a lot of books.  I did arrive late because of two accidents on the freeway.  I was supposed to take that page application to Beverly Hills after work.  Despite the fact that have an extra hour between jobs I would still be cutting it close.  I decided to go Wednesday, since I don't have to be at work until 1pm.  Last night I sent the above text to TheDesire.  Would you like to get some "coffee" after work, I asked.  I sent that last night, but she did respond to me this morning with a yes.  A qualified yes, but a yes non-the-less.  Woo!  Lastly, hopped up on meds I was able to survive my second job of the day.  It was pretty chill.  My coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding.  Wow!  It was chill enough that I was able to book the hotel for the next trip to Big Sur with TheGirl.  Of all weekends, Valentine's day weekend.  Now a thought came to me tonight.  What if TheDesire and I start seeing each other and become serious.  There is NO WAY that I could go up with TheGirl to Big Sur.  Under no circumstances.  Yeah, but TheGirl dumped me, and has expected me to find someone new.  It's inevitable.  I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.  Perhaps I'll take TheDesire up to Big Sur.

Pulled pork nachos and sliders from Gus's BBQ

Oct 22, Work today was tough.  My cold has only gotten stronger, just as I thought it was going away.  Wrong!  I was feeling bad enough during my second job that I thought of telling my supervisor that I wanted to go home.  I was about to when I saw that a huge chunk of the staff went home.  I felt bad because then I'm leaving them with one less body.  Also, I need the cash these days.  Taking off a day to go to Disneyland with TheGirl really cut into my salary this last pay period.  And I'm poor, and can't afford to leave money on the table.
On a usual Tuesday night I hang out with my homeless buddy.  I usually buy us both a pair of burgers and we talk.  I drop him off at a local park where he goes to where he lays his head.  Tonight I had to lie to him that I was feeling really sick, and that I was going to go straight home.  I said that because my coworkers from Glendale asked me to have dinner with them.  I have NEVER gone out to dinner with a group from Glendale.  If I told my homeless buddy the truth it would have hurt him.  This way no one is hurt.  Unless he finds out, of course.  Dinner was good.  I ordered a Manhattan and some sliders, and split some pulled pork nachos.  Good food, good talk.  We talked a lot of shop, but also rumors.  I didn't give up about TheGirl.  Mainly my guy coworkers were saying I should date TheDesire.  She is the catch in all of Glendale.  Every man would envy me, not that I'm looking for them to wish they were me.  I like her, and I want to spend time with her.  Yes, there will be some perks to having her on my arm, I'm not going to lie.  But gloating isn't my main purpose.

Wonder Burgers in Pasadena was my lunch stop today before work

Oct 23, There was so much to do today that I knew I wouldn't be able to just chill this morning.  I treated it like any other morning.  I rushed.  I booked it over to the Westside to drop off the job application for a page position at the Beverly Hills library.  TheDesire gave me the heads up, and brought me the application last week.  I didn't just feel obliged to turn it in because I like her, but because I like her and I need the extra bread.  Following the drop off I headed to Eagle Rock, where I washed my very dirty car.  My poor car really got dirty during the last rain, and I haven't had the chance, or inclination, to wash it.  Until today, since I had some extra time.  I still needed to get gasoline and then something to eat before I started work.  I like having this extra time during the mornings.  When I used to work in the evenings I had A LOT of free time during the day.  These days, not so much.  Following filled up the tank I bought lunch at a burger joint I pass a lot since it's a couple of blocks from the cheap gasoline I buy.  The place is called Wonder burger.  It was good, but not great.  I would go back there again to try some of their breakfast items.  There was hash browns on the griddle that made me want to order some.  I stuck to the traditional French fries.  Before I finished eating I could feel my body start to shutdown.  It wasted to catch some Zzzzs.  I drove to work and parked, set my alarm for 15 minutes before I had to go into work, and passed out.  One of my coworkers noticed and made a joke to me after I woke up.
Work was work.  I survived it still standing.  I drove over to TheGirl's for our traditional Wednesday night dinner.  I don't know how, but I farted in my car and a little bit of shit came out of me.  I could feel it, but not smell it, since I have this stuffed up nose.  Just as I was in the back seat of my car TheGirl calls to say she's just up the street.  I rushed to clean myself as best I could while trying not to expose myself to the neighbors, and also not leave any trace.  I couldn't be sure that I wasn't stinking up the joint though.  So the entire night I wondered if I smelled like shit.  TheGirl dropped a few hints tonight about her situation with TheChisel.  A few weeks ago she mentioned that she didn't want to ever see him again.  But she stopped short of that when she told me that she told him that she would see him less often.  He then went on a campaign to try and "win her back."  She showed me last week the cards he custom made and sent to her pleading to let her try again.  Dopey move.  Well, after she asked me if I wanted to go to the dog rescue she goes to every Sunday with TheChisel I knew that he had been tossed.  And, just moments ago I went on Facebook and found his page.  His profile pictures have featured TheGirl in them.  Saturday he changed his profile picture to the one below, one of a race car.  He added, "I don't have any pictures of myself so. . . ."  That line is a COMPLETE non-sequitur, because no one asked him why he changed his profile picture, and the line fits quite well if TheGirl did finally dump him.

Oct 24, This cold is still hanging around, but at least today it feels like I've turned the curve on it.  I hope.  This has been a shitty week, not going to lie.  But, out of that shit might come some good things after all.  This morning while parking the delivery van at Pasadena I received a call from Beverly Hills library.  I was in park, but I answered it anyway.  The lady told me that my interview is scheduled for Sunday at 11am.  Score!  I hope they only want me to work some weekends.  Since I don't have a girlfriend I can afford some Saturdays at work.  Also, I need to pay down some bills.  The route today was chill.  I'm finally getting the hang of this new sequence of stops.  TheDesire looked so good today.  She is a damn attractive girl.  She didn't really talk to me much today.  She and her coworkers from her branch seemed to be more interested in talking amongst themselves.  I took that as a sign that I best leave sooner than later.  As I was leaving I looked back and she was looking right at me.  What that look means, who knows.  I certainly can't guess anything anymore.  And I can't read her like I can other people.  Mainly because my own emotions get in the way when it comes to TheDesire.
I rushed home today because my family said we were going to celebrate my Aunt's birthday a day early.  Well, well, well, I should have known that they would burn me.  As soon as I arrived home my cousin says that they'll see us tomorrow night.  Tomorrow night?, I thought.  It turns out we are going to celebrate tomorrow night.  And this after I made plans to buy my homeless buddy dinner.  It sucks.  But, at the same time it might be better since I don't have the bread to spend.  Always, good times.

Taylor Dayne singing at my old elementary school's Halloween bash

Oct 25, Like yesterday, I rushed home tonight after work.  This time we were definitely going to celebrate my Aunt's birthday.  But first my cousin had given me a ticket to attend the Halloween party her kid's school was throwing.  My cousin and I went to that same school oh so many years ago.  It was neat to finally step onto the campus after so many years.  The party was pretty good.  Lots of activities for the young kids.  There were so many of them.  The highlight of the night was the singer Taylor Dayne (pictured above) got up on the stage where the kids were doing karaoke and belted out a pair of her hit songs.  She sounded and looked great!
On a side note, I noticed a lot of the moms at the celebration looked really good.  These are women about my age.  While I'm getting all grey of hair and fat of belly, these women look awesome.  My cousin's friend is a woman I used to see at Ralph's many years ago.  Her daughter is apparently friends with my cousin's daughter.  I need to attend more of these events.  Assuming things don't work out with TheDesire, perhaps I could find a nice MILF to pass the time with.  Yeah.. sure.

TheDesire, ordering some food

Oct 26, Originally I was going to work today from 1pm to 5pm at San Marino only.  But, my supervisor from Montrose asked me to cover another Spanish computer class with him.  I need the bread, so I was happy to join him.  That made work an all day thing.  First Spanish computer class, then San Marino.  Then, of course, coffee with TheDesire.  The class went well.  Work was cool, though it didn't go super fast, because I was super clerk Holly.
TheDesire and I had been texting about where to go, and the both of us said The Coffee Table in Eagle Rock.  That place has a history in my time with TheGirl.  We ate that a bunch of times.  One time, I did meet TheDesire there, when she was with her now ex.  He came along while she came to visit my putting up my pictures.  She and her boyfriend, at the time, were going to go out somewhere, but she was nice enough to stop for a quick visit.  I remember how much I liked her then.  Hence me saying there's a history there.  We made new history tonight.  We sat there talking, and then eating, for nearly four hours.  The both of us had to get going, but mainly her, because she had work early the next day.  I so wanted to tell her how I am starting to feel about her.  I've always had a crush on her.  She's pretty, she's smart, what's not to like?  But these days I've allowed myself to think that there MIGHT be a chance for me to win her over and we might could get into a relationship.  It's a bit of a pipe dream to think that way so early into this endeavor.  However, as my coworker pointed out, in the past she was ignoring or flat out turning down my invites.  These days she's saying yes without me having to ask twice.  This marks a shift.  I think that a mutual coworker that knows I like TheDesire has informed her of that fact.  The thing is, it hasn't caused TheDesire to balk or run away.  I think I'm making some headway with this.  I do want to love this girl.  I do want to spend a lot of time with her.  I do, I really do.
Towards the end of the night I walked TheDesire to her car.  I didn't try to kiss her.  Not yet, anyway.  I want it to be mutual.  I want it to be special.  I kinda wish that she would be the one to initiate, like TheGirl did.  That was pretty clear at the time she did it.  I knew the door was wide open then.  I need that kind of definite statement with TheDesire.  After I went home TheGirl messaged me to say that she had spent her Saturday alone, watching movies and cleaning up her room.  If only she knew what I was doing, and with who.  I'm sure at the end of the day she'll be happy for me whoever I end up with.  But, there is a bit of incestuous vibe when it comes down to TheDesire, since TheGirl knows TheDesire, and considered her her friend.  When TheDesire fell into her depression she stopped talking to TheGirl.  TheGirl felt slighted, and now doesn't want to talk to her.  When she finds out TheDesire is the one I'm pursuing, or if I'm able to keep it quiet until then, finds out that we're dating.  It's going to be crazy.

My buddy Jon serving up the cake for his girlfriend

Oct 27, This morning was the big Beverly Hills library interview for that page job TheDesire told me about.  I took a skills test and then had an interview.  I think the interview went well.  I also think that because I was referred to the job by TheDesire that it caries more weight than if I just showed up out of the blue.  They told me that I would know in a week if I got the job.
After the interview TheDesire and I sat outside the little cafe that's attached to the library.  We didn't have anything to drink, we just talked.  I REALLY like talking to her.  Something that did come out of our conversation the previous night, that I just remembered, is that she said she was most likely depressed.  That hurt me to hear.  Not only because I think that it could affect what I'm pursuing, but also because she seems to upbeat most of the time that I can't imagine her being depressed.  However, having been depressed I don't think there's a "look" that says to the world, "Hey, I'm depressed."  My point is this, her depression does have the potential to derail this whole thing.  However, if I'm able to make her feel happier then it will be the opposite.  TheDesire had to return to work, so I made my way back home to watch a little football before heading out to my buddy Jon's house for dinner.  I was feeling REALLY sleepy, so I decided to take a nap.  The nap I had scheduled for only an hour turned into nearly an hour and forty minutes.  I hopped out of bed and booked it over to my buddy's house.
more

Oct 28, I get to work and start working.  At one point my supervisor tells me that there are a ton of magazines that he wants me to process.  As I'm sitting in the back office next to his desk a call comes in and he sends it to our boss.  He says, Beverly Hills just called about the job.  They called my reference.  Thankfully not Glendale.  Whew!  A few minutes later Beverly Hills calls me and offers me the job.  I take it.  I'm now wondering what the hell I have gotten myself into.  As a coworker later said, "Try it out, and if you don't like it you quit."  Good advice.
I talked to my supervisor at Montrose, who I helped this weekend with his class, for some love advice.  He told me about a book that can help with my love situation, The Art of Love.  He told me to check it out, it helps.  He added that it feels like the techniques won't work, but then suddenly the woman falls for you.  OK, that's what I want.
After work I went over to TheGirl's for our traditional Monday night visit after I get off work.  I feel strange about all pursuit of TheDesire.  I feel like I should tell TheGirl about it.  But really it's none of her business.  She'll know if something does come out of all this time spent with TheDesire.  Still, I feel obliged to tell her at some point.  Our friendship is really just a pseudo-relationship.  One in which we don't sleep together, but still are affectionate, still hang out every so often, and as on the last Big Sur trip, are still attracted to each other and are down to be intimate.  All that is going to have to change.  Holly mentioned how I'll slowly have to not have so much interaction with TheGirl.  She's right, but a huge part of me still wants to be in her life.  Can the possibly budding romance with TheDesire survive me still being friends with TheGirl?  I shouldn't really feel all these feelings, since TheGirl has already moved on.  She didn't just date someone, she had a full on relationship with TheChisel.  And she's sleeping with TheHusband.  AND, was sleeping with that waiter.  AND, AND, had a date this weekend with a guy.  She told me that she was stood up.  That's why she sent me a text on Saturday saying that she was spending a quiet night alone.  Yeah, she DIDN'T plan on being alone, but this guy stood her up.  TheGirl said it was the first time any man had stood her up.  I hated to think the thought, but I told myself that the guy had been smart not to get involved with TheGirl.  I mean, I loved her with all my heart once.  There are definitely memories of that love still in my heart.  I'm not pining away for her though.  I'm not wishing that we were still together.  I guess the wish is that we hadn't broken up.  No.  The real wish is to be with TheDesire.
Lastly, I was happy to see Chandaka tonight.  I think I miss that monkey more than I miss TheGirl.  Correction, I do miss that monkey more than I miss TheGirl.  She cultivated this.  She couldn't be true to the one man that was true to her.  She had to scratch that itch of hers.  She had to hurt me by flaunting her time with TheChisel.  I still remember how I confronted her about the whole thing at the Strawberry festival in Ventura, and how she told me, "If you don't like it, there's the door."  That was hurtful.

Oct 30, Today was OK, as days go.  I'm a little drunk on rye whiskey as I write this, but thats OK.  I drove out to work and was LATE yet again for harassment training.  For some reason I'm always late to work these days.  Well, for the last two weeks anyway.  It's something that irks me, because I HATE being late.  Training was what it always is, pointless and boring.  It serves the purpose of indemnifying the city that employees me.  Other than that not much is accomplished.  Ten minutes after this thing we all go back to doing what we have always done.
TheDesire texted me this morning, saying she was sorry that she didn't email me back yesterday.  That's cool, I said.  I know that we're both busy.  Secretly I wanted her to tell me so many things in that email that I never got.  Look.. I've had a HUGE crush on TheDesire for a long time.  Even before I met TheGirl I saw TheDesire and told myself that I needed to know her somehow.  In my life I've been able to get close to the objects of my desire.  Only a couple of times have I been able to not only get close, but be intimate with these women that fill my heart with hope, happiness, and feelings of love.  This girl, TheDesire, is special enough in my mind that I am willing to put aside the pain that TheGirl put me through and put my heart on the chopping block.  I'm drunk, as I said before, so I'm sure that I'm rambling and repeating myself.  What I'll say to cap this is that for the last year since TheGirl dumped me for the last time I have been single and enjoying that fact.  I have tried to ask a couple of girls out on dates in that time.  I have had mini crushes on a couple of girls.  However, TheDesire isn't one that I've only fancied for a short time.  I have thought of this conquest as the ultimate conquest.  TheGirl was the unattainable before she was attained.  I honestly thought that she was the last woman I was going to be with.  That fell apart, and now I have this desire to make TheDesire the last woman I'm with.  It may sound corny, stupid, old fashioned, but I want to love this woman with all my heart.  Now, it may not happen.  Though, I think that I have a solid chance.  Nevertheless, this is a challenge that I am willing to take.  I only wish I had the courage to tell her what I think.  The worlds I have rehearsed are these... "I pledge to you my industry... my fidelity... and my love."  It's as simple as that.

Oct 31, The last day of this month is bittersweet.  Work was work.  They had me deliver bundles to various schools around my route, so it made the day longer.  I left at 4:30, instead of the usual 4pm.  I've been trying to get some kind of a texting friendship going with TheDesire.  You know, to keep me on her mind.  My coworker and friend Holly and I were texting back and forth about how the objects of our desire have been total flakes when it comes to texting us back.  I finally got a response from TheDesire after I sent her a photo of an office sign containing the number 1111.  She and her late brother had a secret thing related to that number.  Any time I see it I try to connect to those good feelings by showing her that I'm thinking of her.  After having to pull teeth in order to have TheDesire text me back I told Holly that I need to pull back a bit.  Not be so eager.  I like this girl, I mean a lot.  But I'm not going to play the fool for her and throw myself at her.  I'm worth fighting for, and she should desire me as much as I desire her.  Will it work out that way?  Time will tell.  I did get frustrated, and part of me did want to just chuck this whole endeavor.  Yet, that's what will always keep me from achieving anything.  That hesitation.
My aunt is getting on my nerves to the Nth degree.  I really don't want to be home anymore.  Perhaps taking that Beverly Hills job came at the right point in my life.  I want as little interaction with her as possible.  Tonight she gave me the forms for the property taxes.  She reminded me twice to pay it.  She can't leave it at that, though.  She has to add the dig.  She says, as she's leaving my room, "Next year it's your responsibility."  I know that I've been skirting this for a long time.  But I DON'T have the money for it.  I'm $4,000 in debt to American Express, not to mention the second mortgage we took out to consolidate my bills.  Not to mention my car.  I've stretched my salary as much as possible.  I know what I have to do.  One, stop caring.  Two, make more money.  Or two, go away from this place.  Those I cared about are long gone.  I care more for this little stuffed monkey named Chandaka than I do for my aunt at this moment.  She is a good person, but her illness, her stupid religious conversion, has given her a mean edge.  She isn't reasonable, in my opinion.  I know I've lost a step.  I compensate through other means.  She, never completely self aware, doesn't have that ability to adapt and change.  I guess a lot of people don't.  I told my buddy once that if I ever got to that point that I would check out.  I want to hold myself to that.  I don't want to be an old person.  I don't want to be stereotypically old.  I want to improve until the day I pass.  Perhaps slower, but sharp of mind.  That's what I strive for, not mediocrity of the masses.  Anyway, on to the recap.

I've been doing these 52 week projects for the last three years.  This is year four.