February was but a speed bump.  Time is definitely flying by.  Which is a good thing since I have a trip to Big Sur planned for April, and a trip to Hearst Castle planned for the first weekend in March.  Woo!  Overall the month was an OK month.  Nothing great, nothing bad.  No big dramas, no big disappointments.  I give it a C- grade on the whole.  Could have been a lot better, but also could have been a toilet.

Feb 2, Today I woke up feeling pretty lousy.  Yesterday before work I felt sick, but I thought I would champion through it.  Well, it wasn't easy, but somehow I was able to make it through the work day without going home.  I knew I would pay for it, and sure enough today I've been in bed the entire day.  Thankfully by the end of the day I was feeling pretty good.  Perhaps it's just a 24 hour thing.

Chandaka watching the Superbowl

Feb 3, I basically invited myself over to TheGirl's to watch the Superbowl.  Today's game was the first Superbowl I've been able to watch live in five years.  Because I've worked at the library on Sundays, I missed the last four Superbowls.  This one was a good one to watch.  TheGirl made burgers, but I wasn't in much of an eating mood.  The cold that I thought was a 24 hour thing came back and knocked me good come halftime of the game.  By the time I arrived at home I knew that this 24 thing wasn't going away so easily.  It sucks that the 49ers had to lose.  They started poor, but then played awesome to come back.  But it was too deep a hole they buried themselves in.
After the game TheGirl and I talked.  She confirmed something I was speculating, that she's sleeping with TheHusband.  So even as TheChisel thinks everything is super she's fucking around on him.  It's so funny because the reason she gave me for not wanting to continue being my fuck buddy is that she wanted to try and make her relationship with TheChisel work.  I knew it wasn't working from the start, but she likes the perks of a relationship with him.  Or so it would seem.  TheGirl also old me that TheChisel doesn't have any money, and that she ended up paying for all the meals the last time he was here.  Ha!  That's a laugh because one of the reason why she had to leave me was that I wouldn't pick up every check.  Fuck that!  I'm able to save my pennies now.  TheGirl is even more miserable than I thought, and her actions reflect that.

Feb 5, I have missed the last two days of work due to this crippling cold.  ARGH!  It hit me while watching the Superbowl and only today do I feel like I can return to work tomorrow.  I feel good, but weak.  Yesterday was the worst day.  Not to say that I didn't sleep all day today, because I did.  I think this is more from not eating the last few days.  I hate being sick.  I'm happy to report that I'm on the mend though.

Vanishing Point, at LACMA

Feb 7, TheGirl has company this weekend, and she mentioned that she wanted to hang out on Sunday evening and have dinner.  I'm pretty much through waiting around for her man to leave town, so I gave it to her straight up.  I told her that I wouldn't be holding my breath when it came to this whole bullshit about him leaving on a Sunday.  Because he doesn't leave on a Sunday.  Matter of fact, he usually now leaves on a Monday.  But whatever.  Why mention this?  Because it goes to why I ended up going to Vanishing Point at LACMA tonight.  I'm tired of being being at TheGirl's beck and call.  I have to reestablish my own life away from anything to do with TheGirl.  Matter of fact, I've made up my mind to just consider her out of my life.  She can remain a friend, but as far as plans I'm not going to wait around for her to have a free weekend or moment to hang out with me.  Those days are over.  And in that spirit I bought myself a ticket to see Vanishing Point tonight.  I didn't invite her, even before I knew she was going to have company I considered asking her, but thought of how dumb that was.  The movie was great, and the star was in attendance.  The drive home was a bitch, because Los Angeles drivers either drive 90 mph or 5 mph.  Nothing in between.  So this is me moving on with my life.  I told myself at the start of this year that I would do my best to separate my life from hers.  We had a good thing going.  I loved her so very much once.  And I missed her when she was away with this TheChisel cocksucker.  I don't miss her any more.  I've moved on, and I really feel that it's not healthy to have her in my life any more.  We still have a trip scheduled for April, which I predict I'll be going alone on... which is fine by me.  I'm moving on.

van Gogh's self portrait

Feb 9, Today I took myself to the Norton Simon museum to check out van Gogh's self portrait.  Van Gogh represents the tragedy and triumph of art to me.  The tragedy because during his lifetime she painted such incredible works and he thought himself a failure because he only sold two of his paintings.  He just wanted people to SEE the beauty that he saw.  When I show people my photographs and they just say something like "nice" I want to literally shove their faces into the photo and tell them, "Nice?!  Fuck you and nice!  This is a moment of perfection, a moment that you miss out on because you're too busy on Facebook, or too busy staring at your feet to notice."  I want people to say wow to my work, to find a photo I took to be nearly life changing.  I want people to realize that there is beauty all around them.  All they have to do is look.  I look, and my photos are what I find.  It's not some gift given to me, it's just the ability to see the world how it is.
The triumph of van Gogh is that the world now does see his work as that of genius and appreciates it as such.  It is messed up that he didn't get to know that aspect of his artistic life.  I think it would have brought him some joy to know that his works, his view of the world, was celebrated and enjoyed.  After the Norton Simon I went down to Heritage square, a place I've wanted to visit for a while, but never found the time.  Now that I have my weekends to myself I can visit such places.  Heritage square was quite cool.

Feb 13, I thought I was over my most recent cold, but really it was just waiting for me to think I was just fine to strike again.  Today my little cold came back to make me feel week and to give me a scratchy throat, and to make me feel blah!  I'm thinking that since I'm still working long hours, and still going to sleep late, in general not taking care of myself, it allowed the germs to regroup.  Now I feel sick again and I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to finish up the week in this condition.

Feb 14, Vanlentines shamalentines!  Today I worked both jobs.  I covered the evening shift for my coworker so she could hang out with her boyfriend.  Good for her, and good for me making a few extra bucks.  It turned out that the coworker I slept with a couple of years ago, before I met TheGirl, was working as well.  I've been trying to get into her pants as of late.  I know she'll give it up despite being in a relationship.  Why?  Because her man is in England, and she's a horn dog.  Look, I'm not looking to break them up, I just want to get laid.  I figure she and I can have a good time while she still has her man as her main focus.  I'm certainly not looking for love, or a relationship.  At least not with LM.  With my other coworker, AE let's call her, I would pursue something serious.  It most likely wont happen, but that's my goal.

Feb 15, Work today pretty much sucked dick.  I was tired and bored today.  It was a struggle to survive work since I had no energy.  Somehow made it through the day and I figured I owned myself a trip to Disneyland.  So here I am, as I write this, waiting to get on Radiator Springs Racers.  Even the single rider line is packed.  The parking lot was a clusterfuck.  I don't get how the cars in the parking lot didn't move for over five minutes.  Finally I found a spot and made myself to the parks.  I ate dinner and now I'm here waiting in line.

The Winter wonderland that is Big Bear

Feb 16, My buddy Jonathan's sister asked me to take her engagement picture.  I agreed and today was the day we did the photo shoot.  We first went to where the happy couple met, Pasadena City College.  The fact that it was President's day weekend helped, since the campus was completely empty.  That allows me to take pictures without having to worry about people walking through the frame.  I took some really nice pictures.  Then we headed up to Big Bear, because we needed to take pictures in the snow.  Snow?  The wedding is in December of this year, so they want to have an engagement picture that features snow.  So we hauled our asses up to Big Bear to find some snow.  The drive was chill, especially since I slept through most of it.  I think I can pretty much sleep anywhere these days.  Once up there we took a bunch of pictures in the snow.  Oh, and by the way, this was my first time in the snow.  It was pretty dang cool, and not just temperature wise.  It was chill, but not too chill.  I got to make my first snowball, and slid down some snow.  It was quite fun.  This photography thing is really going to take me to some fun places.

piano recital at work

Feb 24, These shortened weeks that happen because of a holiday make me want to throw up.  But, but some crazy stroke I ended up working today.  One of my co-workers couldn't work the event today to I ended up coming to my Glendale job and working a pair of events in the auditorium.  It was so easy and chill.  I didn't have to set-up anything but connect the projector to one presenter's computer, and then roll a piano onto the stage.  The rest of the time I sat in the control booth playing with my phone and/or iPad.  Pretty chill.  I could go for more of these kind of work days.

My buddy Jason (in red) and some of his fellow dancers... oh and Natalie in the middle

Feb 24, Yesterday I worked some extra hours at work.  But it actually interfered with a gig that I had set-up.  The gig was to take some pictures of my former co-worker and now buddy Jason.  He wanted some headshots, some actions shots, and perhaps more if time permitted.  It was a full day of traveling and taking pictures.  We started at CSUN and ended up in Santa Monica.  I think I can make it doing this stuff with my buddy, getting connected to those he knows.  The people in the picture above are all talented at various forms of dancing.  It was really cool to take pictures with these people.  It didn't hurt that by the end of the day we picked up the girl in the middle of the picture.  She's pleasant to look at, and easy to photograph.
The day went fast, and while Jason and his crew still had the rest of the day to themselves I had a dinner date with my buddy O.  I was half an hour late, but it was chill.  We headed over to Tommy's and had some burgers and a talk.  we continued talking until past midnight.  I really shouldn't have, since I have work the next day, but our conversation was so good and hit so many topics that I was compelled to continue.  Perhaps some day I'll have enough time to talk to someone for as long as I want.

Feb 25, I work with some cute co-workers.  But then again there's always going to be that one really pretty co-worker that might not be as pretty as someone else, but since there isn't anyone else to look at you end up looking at them.  This isn't entirely the case at work.  There are some actual attractive girls that I work with.  One of them I already photographed, and is on this site.  But a new co-worker of mine has caught my eye.  She's thin, but nice.  She has a nice butt, nice figure, and pleasant face.  Tonight she looked extra nice though.  Her pants were a little tighter, her figure looked a little curvier.  Maybe I'm just horny or something, but this co-worker tonight looked really good.  There's also another new co-worker that looked good tonight too.  She's super skinny, and almost doesn't have any curves, but tonight a few of her curves came out.  Again, I'm assuming I'm just horny and that's why I noticed this.  It's a shame that I still can't get anything going with my co-worker/model.  She would be a good time, and not just sexually.  I suspect it's never going to happen though.  Oh well.  TheGirl came up to my job like she used to and we hung out after work.  It was nice to just lay in her bed and talk.  Certainly being intimate after hanging with my hot co-workers would have topped off the night... but alas that didn't happen.
I nearly forgot, TheGirl can's make the trip for Big Sur on April 19th, so we moved it to April 12th.  This might create a conflict with my aunt and uncle's visit.  But I've been trying to Face Time them for the last four days, since Thursday, with no response.  So fuck it, I'm making my plans.  I can't wait around to know.  I'm going up to Big Sur a week earlier.  What I wonder is if that will be the last hurrah of the budding friendship between TheGirl and me.  I had a big talk with my buddy last night, and this topic was mentioned several times.  Why am I still sticking around being TheGirl's friend?  Why the fuck to I find it necessary to torture myself by lingering around?  Short answer is I love her.  Long answer is I know better, but I still like spending time with her because it kinda reminds me of the good times.  However, the good times stopped a long time ago, and now there is bitterness and resentment inside of me.  Resentment that I try to hide, but that does come out once in a while in an honest moment.  I feel like I want to hurt TheGirl emotionally, the same as she hurt me.  I know that's wrong and petty, but I still feel like I want to do that.  It's not healthy, and I should just walk away.  My buddy O thinks I should after the Big Sur trip.  I think it will just happen naturally, because there won't be a pending trip that will keep up together.  Our so-called friendship will just wither away.

I've been doing these 52 week projects for the last three years.  This is year four.