If you're reading this you too survived the apocalypse.  I can't say that 2012 was much different than the last few years have been.  As years go it was pretty much down the middle.  I had some lows, like TheGirl breaking up with me (yet again), gradually moving away from me emotionally, and seeking the company of another man who now seems to be completely entrenched in her life.  In my jobs, well, one of them got steadily better while the other got worse.  My Glendale job used to be such a pain, but these days they seem to actually appreciate me.  And the place that used to be like a second home to me, San Marino, is now just a place I go to make a few bucks.  They passed me over for a nice job that would have meant more money and a better title... twice!  Two times this year.  There is no future there.  The highlight that makes this year grand is Big Sur.  Without it I would call this year a bust.  But 2012 is the year of my trip to that wonderful place where I found myself.  Where I found myself the closest to enlightenment that I might ever be.  There need to be big changes in 2013.  I let this past year go, and now I'm sitting here in the same place I was two years ago.  It's never too late for a chance.

TheGirl and I at downtown Disney

Dec 1, I spent the day with TheGirl today.  She has told me that she is going to be busy every weekend this month.  Hell, I'll be busy the next two weekends entertaining my family from Mexico.  So I guess it's OK that she's going off with TheChisel next weekend, and the following weekend going off with the TheHusband.  No skin off my nose.  Today was nice, and made me think of the past when things were good between us.  But, at the same time I also thought about how things aren't the same anymore.  On our way to downtown Disney to buy me my Christmas gift, since she will be too busy to do so later in the month, she said that she is not going to buy an annual pass any time soon.  Which of course stinks because it would have been nice to continue going on a Friday night, like we used to earlier this year.  She blames having to drive from Santa Monica, and this and that, and traffic, and being tired, and the late hour.  I call bullshit, because we would leave her place at 6:30pm, or a little later, and get to Disneyland at 8pm, eat dinner, have some fun, and then go home.  Nothing would change in the schedule.  Whatever, I still need to continue with my plan to ween myself off her.  TheGirl is a great girl, but at the same time her inner demons prevent her from committing to anyone.  She thinks that since she was in a horrible marriage all those years that the solution for that is to be free to see anyone she wishes.  However, she has gone from one relationship to another by going from me to TheChisel.  I have made my peace with this whole thing.  There isn't a future relationship in the picture between myself and TheGirl.  I'm not waiting around, but nor am I making an effort to leave just yet.  My plan is to be in the state of mind that I can walk away at a moment's notice.

Today is my unbirthday, not my birthday

Dec 5, TheGirl is going off to SF this weekend to meet TheChisel's daughter or something like that.  I hate to say it, but I hope she has a terrible time.  She won't have a bad time though.  Whatever, I shouldn't give a shit any more.  So tonight we went to dinner after she came back from taking some notary class in Pasadena.  While at the restaurant she told the waiter that it was my birthday.  Sure enough, moments later a bunch of waiters are singing me a song, and taking the picture above.  Crazy!  One of these days we're gonna get caught.
The family is showing up this weekend.  So while TheGirl is up North I'll be busy.  Actually, the timing of these worked out perfectly since I wouldn't be able to hang out with her this weekend or next.  Saturday is my cousin's kid's baptism.  Sunday we go to Disney's California Adventure.  Woot!

Dec 6, Work was pretty chill today, as it has been on Thursdays since I mastered the delivery route that I was assigned a year and a half ago.  I have everything worked out.  I have few wasted movements now, and can pretty much know that at a certain time of day I'll be at a certain place on the route.  My point of all this is no point.  Today was just another day at work.  Oh, I remember why I mentioned work.  There's a new woman at my San Marino job that I kinda like.  She seems nice, and the other day I did mildly flirt with her.  I don't think I have a chance with her, but I didn't think I had a chance with TheGirl, all the while she was pursuing me.  What this also illustrates is how I now seem to be ready to move on from this "thing" I have with TheGirl.  She said that her friend mentioned how I would leave this situation some day soon in order to be in a fulfilling relationship.  Something I had with TheGirl at one time, but for a few fleeting moments mind you.  I'll admit it, I partially want to move on.  I don't like feeling empty when I make love, like I have been with TheGirl lately.

Snoopy riding in the backseat of Crockett - good times

Dec 7, Work went super fast today.  Mainly because I was on the front desk for so many hours.  Nearly three in a row before lunch, and then a pair of hours on the upstairs desk.  My cousin, his wife, and his kids came from Mexico today for a visit.  I have my stuff Snoopy on my bed.  Inside my heart I feared that he would be kid-handled, and since he's so old he's very fragile.  So I took him with me to work, and left him in the car.  Little guy was siting in the back seat, as pictured above.
The cute girl I helped last week showed up to use the computers again today.  She said hi as I was on the front desk.  I didn't even recognize her.  When I was upstairs I was only able to talk to her very briefly.  Hi and bye.  She's pretty, and seems really nice.  But, I'm a chicken, so I'll probably never ask her out.  Shame too, because I really need to move on and start something new.  The picture to the right is of this girl.  I found the picture on Instagram.  Her profile is locked, so I can't see any pictures, except for her profile picture.  Which is enough to illustrate this girl's attractiveness.  Who knows, maybe it's too soon.  Maybe I'm liking every nice girl I meet because I want an escape from TheGirl's vortex.

My second cousin being baptized

Dec 8, Today was my cousin's kids's baptism and birthday party.  I had a moment where my uncle asked me why TheGirl didn't come with me.  I didn't want to open the can of worms that is telling someone you're not with someone, but that you kinda are.. BUT.. that they are seeing someone else as well.  I guess I could have just told him we were just friends.  Yeah, like that's the case.  Not that our sex life is very active as of late.  As I have chronicled here, the spark just isn't there anymore.  TheGirl believes things happen for a reason.  Perhaps her not being available during the holidays is just another way of me better dealing with her possible total absence from my life.  Perhaps that pretty patron that I helped earlier this week is someone I should focus my energy on.  Perhaps a lot of things.  It's not like I wouldn't mind going back to TheGirl.  She and I are very compatible.  But her personality flaws, such as her propensity to cheating, causes me to balk at the idea of being in a relationship with her again.  Best if we could just be fuck-buddies, but exclusive fuck-buddies.  Her spending any time with TheChisel still stinks, because she won't communicate.  I miss talking to her.  I miss her texting me.  I miss her emailing me.  When she's with him, in order to keep a secret, she doesn't text me.  Only if he happens to be out of the room, no matter how much she says different.  I know she doesn't want him to know we still see each other.  What I still don't get is her draw towards him.  She has said that he isn't her type.  She doesn't go for "white guys," yet she's with him.  She doesn't like skinny guys, yet she's with him and he's as skinny as a post.  Whatever, I guess I'll never really know what her deal is.  Every woman I meet is going to have her own set of baggage.  TheGirl fooled me, because she seemed so well adjusted.  Little did I know that deep down inside she was totally fucked up.
Tonight was my San Marino job's Christmas party.  Oops, I TOTALLY forgot that it was tonight.  Honestly, that place used to feel so much like a second home that I should have known it would break my heart.  Three times I went out for three jobs and each time I was rejected.  Next job I'm not going to even try.  I'm not going to throw my name into the hat.  And if they ask me why, I should just tell them that I know I don't stand a chance.  It's kinda amazing how that place was such an important place in my life, and today, less than five years since I started, it is just a job.  Nothing more.

Belle and me - woo hoo!

Dec 9, Today we all went to Disney's California Adventure with my cousin and his kids.  My cousin from Mexico has kids aged five and three.  Neither of them have been to Disneyland or DCA.  Today a dream fulfilled with the first of two weekends were we visit these two parks.  The day started with us having a Princess breakfast with Ariel, Belle, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella.  I HAD to get a picture taken with Belle (as shown above).  Though, I have to say that the girl who played Cinderella was way pretty.  ;)  The day was cool, and I was able to play tour guide to the family, after having gone so many times over the last couple of years.  The kids had a great time exploring Car's land.  Because of the fact that all the kids we took were young we didn't really get to go on rides such as Tower of Terror, but that's OK.  Everyone had a great time, and that's what counts.  And I got a picture with Belle.  Woo hoo!

Dec 10, TheGirl walked up to my job tonight.  Traditionally I drive her back home, we chit chat a bit, cuddle, and then perhaps be intimate.  Intimate went out the door since she started her new job.  She claims that she has an early wakeup time.  Which is true, but it didn't stop her before.  Whatever.  TheGirl went on her trip to SF with TheChisel.  I didn't ask her a thing about her trip up there.  I don't want to know.  I don't care.  I just know that her path lies on a different fate as mine.  I used to think we would be together for a long time.  I don't think that anymore.

Dec 11, Work today fucking sucked.  Job one I had to deal with a dummy boss that wanted to know why I transferred a call to the reference desk.  Ah, duh, I was busy with two patrons and couldn't stand that damn phone ringing.  It's bad enough we don't get paid enough to give a damn, I'm busting my hump to get the magazine's processed and still help patrons, and still get everything done.  While dummy complains about having to look for one lousy magazine that a patron says she returned.  Then I went to my second job and got slightly chewed out for talking.  The same old fucking story every fucking time.  I REALLY need to make a push to get out of these jobs.  Neither of them pay me very well.  Neither of them truly appreciate me.  Neither of them are going to get me anywhere except in a pine box without a penny to my name.  So yeah, I have to get out of here.

employee luncheon minutes before the rain started

Dec 12, The city of San Marino threw its employees a bone, aka a free lunch, today.  It's an annual thing.  It's nice because we get fed and paid for the privilege.  This year's event was punctuated by rain.  Moments after the food was served the rain started to come down.  Not very hard, but enough that the majority of the employees went inside The Old Mill to escape the rain.  Other than that the event was pretty uneventful.  The cute girl from the recreation department was there.  I wish I had a picture to post here, but I don't.  Suffice to say, I think she has a pretty face.  Her hair has a streak of white that makes her unique.  I think it's fucking hot.  But I'm too much of a chicken to make a move.  I really want to, but the fear of rejection still prevails.
After work I met up with TheGirl at a restaurant in Hollywood.  I was quiet, and I could tell that she noticed I was quiet.  I'm just thinking, and I rather not say much these days.  I'm still trying to figure all this out, and her out.  Like I've said before, I don't have any thoughts that we will be a couple again.  I guess I still can't shake the idea of her keeping me around while still having a gay ol' time with TheChisel.  All the while I also feel guilty because once again I'm the other man, her secret lover.  I should just walk away, and part of me wishes that I could.  But I still have some feelings for her.  I still want to care about her.  Those thoughts are waining, but they are still there.

examples of Schultz's letters and drawings

Dec 13, I did a lot of thinking while on my route today.  Thoughts of TheGirl, dinner last night, and what it all means.  I sent my buddy a text today saying this, "Schultz letter reminds us never 2 fall 4 anyone -certainly not in love."  His response, "Dang- darkness."  The Schultz letter I mention is from an NPR article that aired today.  Apparently the creator of Peanuts had a fleeting relationship with a woman in-between his marriages.  The line that got me from the article is the following:

"One book mentioned several times in the letters is The Great Gatsby.  Here you had this tremendously successful man who created this cultural phenomenon, Kiffer says, 'and yet like Gatsby, he was searching for something, he didn't feel fulfilled, and he met this young woman, and at least for a brief time, that void was fulfilled and they had a wonderful time together and he left this record of it.'"

"His dream must have seemed so close he could hardly fail to grasp it.  But what he did not know was that it was already behind him, somewhere in the vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night."

My cousin's child and me on Astro Blasters

Dec 15, On the second to last day before my Cousin has to fly back to Mexico the family all went to Disneyland.  The day was super fun.  My cousin's kid wanted to ride every ride with his favorite.. me!  Yes, me.  I used my knowledge of the park to give them the best experience they could have.  I know that my cousin's kids had a great time.  He got to light saber fight Darth Vader, and see Mickey Mouse, and go on the Monorail.  I tell ya, for his first visit he pretty much got to hit all the best rides.  We became separated during the night and that's when I had dinner and went on Big Thunder at night, like I would in the past with TheGirl.  I went on with my Aunt and Uncle.  Our timing not have been more perfect because we got to ride just as the fireworks were going off.  The site of the fireworks going off while riding that ride was pretty near perfect.  The girl's sitting behind me were going NUTS!  Just before every turn a firework would go off, and then boom, right into the turn we would go.  Definitely great to scratch that off my bucket list.  I think TheGirl and I talked about doing that, but that's in the past.  TheGirl may remain my friend, but our days of going to Disneyland are far behind us I think.  I'm just glad that my cousin's kid is now in my life.  I want to make an effort to keep in contact with him online.  I didn't tell my cousin this, but I think I'll email him a photo here and there to let him know that I'm thinking of him.

Near perfect timing, the fireworks blasting while I ride Big Thunder Mountain

Dec 16, I went over to TheGirl's tonight after napping nearly the whole day.  We had dinner, and afterwards she told me that yes, she is in a relationship with TheChisel now.  The weekend trip to San Francisco pretty much cemented the relationship, and they are going to try and make it work.  Right after that she said she would give herself a month.  I know her too well.  She did it to me, she'll do it to him, probably with me.  She also gave herself up tonight.  I had a feeling she was intimate with TheHusband, and tonight she mentioned something in passing that confirmed what I thought.  I have been making my way through an emotional obstacle course over the last few months since TheGirl first started seeing TheChisel as a "friend."  I knew that it meant my relationship with her was doomed.  I knew that our fuck-buddy status would only be for a little while.  I knew that she would eventually be in a relationship with this man.  Because she emotionally pushed me out of every part of her life.  Slowly, but with a determination.  So now it's all over.  The friendship that she wants will also atrophy over time.  And by the time it would have been our third anniversary at the end of July I will probably not talk to her at all, or only once in a while.  I guess it's apropos that tonight's dinner with TheGirl left a bad taste in my mouth.
I know what people are going to do because I just think of what is the wrong, idiotic, and self-aggrandizing thing to do and they will do it every time.  Every... fucking... time.  Without failure.

My Aunt and Uncle at my Grandmother's gravesite

Dec 19, I started work at 1pm today, which was a good thing since my Aunt and Uncle from Mexico wanted to go visit my Grandmother's grave.  If I didn't take them today they wouldn't be able to go Thursday, and they leave Friday.  So it was imperative that we go visit her today, and we did.  I too them to the site, we talked a bit, then we went and ate breakfast before heading over to buy some video games for their grandchildren.  Afterward I dropped them off at the Universal City transit hub and went on my merry way to work.  Fucking, bullshit, work.  Speaking of work, my San Marino job just gets worse and worse by the day.  The bosses there are SO dismissive that my new plan is to just keep my mouth shut and do the least possible work.  Fuck those assholes.  I'm going to start looking for a new job ASAP.  I'm considering going to an agency to find work.  Hell, I'm super qualified for a lot of jobs.  It would be nice to get a photography job, but good luck with that.

On another subject entirely, TheGirl and I had a texting exchange today. I figured since she told me the other day that she is going to give a relationship with TheChisel a go he needed to now be addressed as the boyfriend. Here's how the exchange went.

Me: TheChisel needs a new nickname now -TheBF
TheGirl: BS
Me: that's what he is, silly
TheGirl: Nah. he's a bullshit artist

I just don't get TheGirl.  If she doesn't trust him, and/or thinks he's a bullshit artist then why consider pursuing a relationship with him?  Your guess is better than mine.  All I know is that I have to give myself permission to pursue someone else.  My wheels are stuck in the mud.  Oh, and I've considered the idea that TheGirl is just saying these terrible things about TheChisel to make me feel better.  She is also a bullshit artist, because I can read her like a book.  She isn't happy with him, but her pattern is to leave the man she is with for another man, and then juggle them both for a while, until someone gets bored and moves on.  Believe me, part of me doesn't want anything to do with her.  I love her, and will always remember her as the first woman that truly got me, and fulfilled me.  But there is someone else out there for me.

Mario Magrette

Dec 21, I'm sad that the world didn't end today.  As I wrote on my Twitter, "My nihilistic side REALLY wanted the apocalypse to happen today - but tomorrow is good as well."  Yes, there is always tomorrow.  The library is going to be closed on Monday and Tuesday for the Christmas holiday, and because of that many of the full time workers went ahead and took their vacation time early to make it a long, extra long holiday.  Because of that we were super short staffed today.  And then the upgrade on the computers totally fucked up the receipt printers, and their either didn't work, or printed things all wrong.  The uphill struggle with that and being short made today a bit tiring.  TheGirl left me a voicemail saying that she would be thinking of me this weekend.  Yeah, while she's with the new guy.  Fuck that!  Since I'm a bachelor again I considered taking myself to a nice restaurant tonight after work.  I considered taking my homeless buddy with me.  But I can't afford that right now.  Mondays and Tuesdays are my best earning days, so not having them for two weeks is gonna hurt my paychecks.  I socked away some money, but it will just barely get me over the hump.  So, instead of a nice restaurant I took my ass to McDonald's by my house and bought myself a really greasy meal to make me feel better.  My meal consisted of: McRib, filet-o-fish, fries and egg nog shake.  Did someone say gluttony?  Couple that meal with a mini marathon of "Adventuretime" season 1 and you have the rest of my evening.  I've been real good with my food lately.  Cutting portions, eating less often, and I've seen a little bit of a difference in my stomach.  It's shrinking, but not fast enough.  But that's OK, at least it's shrinking.  Lastly, I found a book about geeky things, and thought the picture on the cover was pretty cool.  It's called Mario Magrette (see above).

my coworkers at Montrose

Dec 22, Worked some extra hours at the Montrose branch library today.  They wanted me to help move some furniture around because after the Christmas holiday there will be new carpet installed.  I like my workmates at Montrose.  Working at the branches is pretty cool compared to working the main library I usually work.  Most of the people at the branches had to go through the main library, so they appreciative of the distance from that place.  I'm home now, was watching one particular show online, but my connection was bogged down by me uploading about a gigabyte's worth of pictures so that my cousin can download them.  It might be time for a drink.

Dec 23, Today was a nice lazy day in which I didn't shower, and pretty much didn't do anything else except sleep and watch TV.  I needed the time since last night I drank like a fish and pretty much plastered myself with booze.  I need to cut down a little.  Not get so smashed.  Drinking did help me write a couple of poems.  I'm not sure they're good, but I'll take some time soon to look them over and do some re-writing.  My thoughts went right to TheGirl when I wrote the poems.  It's the main pain in my life, pretty much the only pain.  Work sucks, but the pain of still having to deal with someone I care for very much, and watch her develop feelings for someone else, just sucks.  I told myself I would walk away from this situation if this is what started happening.  Yet, here it is, and I'm still here.  I guess I think things are going to change.  Let's not say think, because it's not think.  There is no evidence that things are going to chance.  It's hope.  I know things are going to progress to the point that TheChisel will be the new man in TheGirl's life.  She will most likely move in with him.  Despite her protests.  She may even marry the guy.  She again, disputes these notions.  However, nothing up until now shows me that she isn't moving in that direction.  Every step I hope that it's the last, and she will finally leave him.  She says she's been close twice.  However, each time it only seems to be a false alarm.  At the end of the day my hope needs to be broken.  I need to break it.  I need to just let go of all this once and for all.  It's very difficult, because the alternative is something I've lived and it's not pretty.  I've been very lonely at various points of my life.  The day that TheGirl called me was the day that I told myself I would simply give up on love.  Crazy coincidence.  I lost all hope, and that was the moment that hope came looking for me.  There's a great line in "Fight Club" about how when you lose everything that's when you're truly free.  Ironically our first break-up felt more permanent that the subsequent break-ups.  Because that one was the most real.  That one didn't have hope.  It's only when you stop looking for something that it happens.

TheGirl at her new job, making faces at me

Dec 24, Went out to Santa Monica to have lunch with TheGirl.  We had a good time, but I know she's wondering why I'm standoffish.  Duh, she's not my girl anymore.  Moreover, she's in another relationship.  Of course part of me thinks I should say the hell with that and just continue treating her like before.  The hell with this new man in her life that sucks dick.  The hell with everything.  Life is too short to play around like this.  Life is too grand to wait for someone to make up their mind.  Life is definitely too short to "invest" (though I hate that word) time in a go nowhere relationship.  Relationships don't have to be about getting some appointed place.  They can be just about spending time together.  Because we like doing that.  Something broke along the way to that.  I tried to cultivate that idea in our relationship, but she wanted more.  More what?  Hell if I know.  I just know that things can't go back to the way they used to be.  There's too much water under the bridge now.

movie theater was a complete clusterfuck

Dec 25, Went to go see a movie with TheGirl today, because our original plan to head out to a Hindu temple was thwarted by the fact that they weren't going to be open for most of the day.  The plan turned bad when we tried to get a drink before the movie.  We went to the Americana and found it not too full of people.  That's because nearly all the stores were closed.  A few of the restaurants were open, but nothing with booze, which is what TheGirl and I wanted before going into the movie.  We got held up talking to a former co-worker that was sitting outside the movie theater by himself.  The movie theater was PACKED.  We tired to get out tickets at one of those kiosks, only to have my stupid card not go through, which TheGirl's card did.  When we looked up at the board we saw that the movie we wanted to see was sold out.  Just great, I thought.  We went up to the front counter and she exchanged her tickets for another movie.  One I didn't really want to see, but she was forced to see because of the ticket machine snafu.  The movie was "Skyfall," and I didn't care much for it.  Quite frankly it did not live up to the hype.  After the movie we went to Hollywood and ate at Doomies, a vegetarian comfort food joint.  My meal was good, TheGirl's not so much.  The food tastes good, but it does leave me very bloated.  It feels like a brick in my stomach.  Apropos for the day, I suppose.

Dec 26, First day back to work since Friday started out pretty chill, but then at around 3pm the shit hit the fan.  I was trying to get my work done, and boom, a patron would show up and keep me from working on the magazines I was trying to process.  Then more and more patrons came at the desk in waves, but never really stopping.  Every patron seemed to have some sort of "issue" that couldn't be resolved in a few moments.  And of course the rest of them in line couldn't wait a single moment.  ARGH!  Completely frustrating day, and I only worked four hours.  For some work is an escape from their lives, or a replacement for a real life.  However, for me work is a burden, a time trap that sucks the best of me out of my soul.  I nearly played the lotto today, but that's just another trap.

Main St. Opera House in Disneyland, with near full moon in background

Dec 28, In the past Fridays after work meant hanging out with TheGirl.  Tonight she didn't mention anything about hanging out with me.  What she did mention is wanting to "chill out at home."  That pretty much meant I was left to my own devices.  Well, I'm not going to sit around waiting for TheGirl.  Life is definitely too short, and I have that thought in the back of my head.  Hell, I'm trying to have that thought be a constant one in the front of my brain.  Lest I forget.  In that spirit I went down the Disneyland for dinner tonight.  My homeless buddy bolted, so I didn't have to explain to him where I was going.  I was completely solo.  Traffic was light, and I made it to Disneyland in an hour.  I went straight to get a drink, then went to get some dinner.  The park was packed enough that every ride had an hour-long line.  I walked around, digested my food, bought myself a churro, and figured that I would go home early.  I'm a bachelor now, but I haven't been living that because TheGirl and I were still fuck-buddies and essentially still "dating."  However, now that she has decided to pursue a relationship with TheChisel I'm going to be left to my own devices more and more.  Until the day that she totally commits to him.  Then I'm out the door, completely.  This is a sign of things to come in 2013.  I need to be single for a while, to figure things out, to work my craft, to explore this city.

girl at the heart of Metropolis 2

Dec 29, Strangely enough, even after what I said in the previous entry, TheGirl and I are spending the entire weekend together.  Today we went to LACMA to check out the Caravaggio exhibit.  Once again I'm disappointed with an exhibit.  There seems to always be some sort of lacking to these exhibits.  The layperson wants to see good art, then learn about it.  So I think.  Anyway, the exhibit was OK, but the drinks we had afterward were awesome.  I love booze.  I love its affect on me, which is a loosening of the tongue, mind, and body.
I choose to have the picture of the girl in the middle of the Metropolis 2 exhibit because TheGirl and I couldn't help but notice how she looked.  She is seen by everyone that goes and checks out the whirl of the hundreds of matchbox cars as they traverse their freeway-like tracks.  And yet she stands there, seemly perfectly bored because she can't do anything for an hour other than stand there while the mass of cars race around their tracks.  She turns the entire thing on, and I suppose, has to monitor that everything is going well.  But really she can't do much, except stand in a little space that doesn't allow much movement.  She stands there, stoned face, trying not to look at any one person.  Our eyes met twice, and she looked down, kinda in shame, but not shame.  Like she didn't want to break that barrier.  Now I'd like to get to know her, and ask her about her moments in Metropolis 2.

Malibu Hindu Temple

Dec 30, TheGirl wants to pursue her Buddhism, and wants to visit Buddhist temples.  She did a google search and found this temple in Malibu.  It happens to be a Hindu temple, but from the pictures online I still wanted to visit it.  It's small, but the temple complex is quite picturesque, as you can see from the picture above.  Upon entering the temple one has to have their shoes off.  It has been quite cold lately, so walking around barefooted was not pleasant at first.  However, my feet became numb from the cold and I didn't mind it after a while.  After exploring the temples we ended up downstairs in the basement eating some Indian food that was being sold.  The food consisted mostly of rice, and what TheGirl said was yogurt and some sort of chickpea thing.  It was all very good, and it certainly staved my hunger for a few hours.  We then went back to her place to pick up her daughter and eat at a vegetarian restaurant in Pasadena.  The food was pretty good, but I'm still more of a fan of Veggie Grill than of these other veggie restaurants we've been to lately.  Time to also find a new great hamburger since I'll probably have fewer of these adventures with TheGirl now that her fella is moving down here.  I love spending time with TheGirl.  We are very compatible, and is willing to explore new things.  I love that in a traveling partner.  I loved that about her when we were partners.

The Enlightened Trail waterfall in Big Sur

Dec 31, This past year the single most important event was my trip to Big Sur at the end of July.  I bored so many people talking about that trip since then, but I couldn't help talking to them about it.  Quite simply I couldn't stop talking because that trip changed my life.  I found pre-mature enlightenment.  I found myself.  I found serenity and a chance to reflect upon what my life was and what it can be.  I spent the most time alone that I have spent in the last five years.  And I spent it in the most beautiful place in California.  Something so life altering isn't something that I can simply keep quiet about.

I noticed that a lot of the people I spoke to about my trips to Big Sur would glaze over and kinda wonder why I was still talking about my trip.  It's because it wasn't JUST a vacation.  I found myself up in Big Sur.  That is as significant an event as being born.  To find that last puzzle piece that allows you to make that next step towards enlightenment is something that you would think you would speak to everyone about.  To those who listened, but didn't really listen, I know that you're just not ready to hear what I'm saying.  I also know that what I was saying wasn't always as articulate as what I felt in my heart.  It's hard to convey the idea of enlightenment to someone who doesn't even understand the concept.  They may know what the word means, but the concept of being released from all wants and desire, and from all the suffering that comes with those wants, isn't something most people can actually grasp.  Because it's counterintuitive to their world view, where salvation is sought from an outside source rather than from within.

Big Sur is a lovely place, to be sure.  The beauty of that place opened my eyes in a way no other thing, or place, or idea, has.  I've quieted down about Big Sur, but inside I still well up from the emotion I feel when I think of that place, and how it has changed my life.  The power of that trip has not diminished.

Above is a picture of a waterfall.  That is where I found premature enlightenment.  The journey to that waterfall is the single most significant event of my life in the last five years.  The beauty of that place, a waterfall that I now know isn't actually on a prescribed hiking trail, was so overwhelming that I could not stop gasping for air.  All I could do was think of how insignificant I was in the enormity of Big Sur and the Universe.  Yet, that moment of insignificance also pointed out to me that we best make the most of our time here on Earth.  So I'll try my best to live up to that ideal.

I choose this picture from my first trip to Big Sur because it's the moment I found myself.  My trip to Big Sur was the most significant event of 2012... perhaps of the last five years.  Life altering events don't come along every day.  However, I now believe they do come when you're finally ready to handle them.  When you're finally ready to face them at your terms.  The beauty of Big Sur didn't help me find myself.  The beauty helped me see what was there all along.  A place like that is neutral, I feel.  That neutrality is what I was seeking.  The middle ground, you might say.

I've been doing these 52 week projects for the last two years.  This is year three.