November feels like such a blur now that I sit down to write this introduction.  Perhaps because I can't remember yesterday, everything just seems so far away.  As I post this we supposedly only have three weeks to live.  I wish I could say I'm going to make the most of those three weeks.  Truth is, I don't think anything is going to happen.  But, what if something does?  At least I got to see Big Sur.  And I learned some life lessons that I will not soon forget.

The Earl of Sandwich... packed

Nov 2, Since TheGirl has a visitor this weekend (TheChisel) I was pretty much left to my own devices Friday after work.  That being said, work was pretty hectic on Friday.  I spent a lot of time on the front desk because we're always short on Fridays.  Even the new boss mentioned how I seemed to be on the front desk nearly the whole day.  Not really, it was just that when he walked up there I happened to be there too.  I had planned after work to head down to Downtown Disney with my homeless buddy Dane in order to try the new Earl of Sandwich restaurant that had opened just this very day.  I tried a new route in order to avoid traffic.  I did avoid the mess on the 5 through downtown, but I don't think I actually got to Disneyland any faster.  It felt a little faster because I had someone to talk to on the way down.  Well, when we got to the Earl we noticed the line was huge.  I mean going around the building huge (pictured above).  It was useless to stand in line at that point since it was nearly 8pm and I was starving.  So we went down to a place I was recommended by a Disney employee a few weeks back.  We ordered some nachos, ate them, ordered a burger and split it.  It was some good food, and relatively inexpensive.  Next time I want a burger I'm going to the Whitewater snacks again.  I took my buddy back to where he sleeps and then headed home.

Big Sur view via Nepenthe webcam

Nov 3, I don't like working on the weekends at the San Marino library.  Why?  Because the patrons are a fucking lot of dopes, unable to wait even a moment before they start tapping their fingers not the counter.  Meanwhile, while they're tapping are they ACTUALLY prepared to check out their books?  No, they are not.  Nearly ever time I have a patron that's tapping their fingers they never have their library card ready.  I'm pretty sure that this is the last weekend I'll be covering for someone.  From now on I'm not going to be available on weekends.  No matter what.  ARGH!
Meanwhile, Big Sur continues to beckon me.  TheGirl wanted to take the Veteran's day weekend and go up to Big Sur.  But, because her job is a bunch of assholes, and is withholding her first week's paycheck indefinitely, she doesn't have the money to go.  Not that I do either, but I would make the effort to go on the cheap.  The above picture is from the Nepenthe restaurant webcam.  I check it from time to time and then subsequently send TheGirl an email with the picture to tell her what Big Sur looks like at that moment.  Big Sur changed my life... which is why I need to return to that place often (with or without TheGirl).

Nov 9, The last part of this week has beaten me up... especially today.  Work is work, but today it's been a seemingly unending marathon of work, demanding patrons, and not a moment to myself.  It's enough to make me go mad.  Tonight I have plans with TheGirl, movie night.  We went to see the Kubrick exhibit, and now she wants to see what his movies are about.  The first one we are going to check out is "2001: A Space Odyessy."  One of Kubrick's best.  Tomorrow the plan is to head out to the Getty Center to check out their Mapplethrope exhibit.

Getty center garden on a near perfect day

Nov 10, A couple of weeks ago TheGirl and I went to LACMA to check out the Kubrick exhibit.  While there we checked out the Mapplethrope exhibit as well.  TheGirl fell in love with his work.  I told her that the Getty center also had an exhibit of Mapplethrope photos, so we went to the Getty today to check them out.  It's a shame that EVERY time I go to the Getty to check out some photo exhibit that I really want to see that it's relegated to a small corner gallery and usually contains not more that a couple of dozen pictures.  I mean come on! The LACMA Mapplethrope exhibit had more than that in the same space.  TheGirl and I commented how the exhibit was so tiny, and we know that in the basement they have a ton of pictures just sitting there.  And meanwhile there was another exhibit of photographs with dozens of so-so works.  I liked some of them, but TheGirl didn't like any of them.  She said that they just didn't move her like the Mapplethrope works did.  I agree.
The weather was so perfect.  It's super nice to go up there after it rains to see the entire view of the city.  It was so clear we could see the cranes in San Pedro.  After the museum we went to eat at Pink Taco, a restaurant that TheGirl has been wanting to check out for a while now.  The food was pretty dang good.  Not the best I've had, but up there.  Of course the hostesses are near perfect looking girls.  I commented to TheGirl that they must only hire hot girls to host since the name of the joint is pink taco.  Our waiter was super laid-back, so much so that he forgot to bring us our order of guacamole.  Thanks dude.  But, while I went to the restroom TheGirl told him that it was my birthday.  Sure enough, I show up and the waiter is bringing me an order of churros.  They were yummy.  We had a good laugh.

Earl of Sandwich at downtown Disney

Nov 11, About a week and a half ago my buddy and I tried to get a sandwich at the Earl of Sandwich in downtown Disney.  Well, I mentioned the sandwich shop to TheGirl, and today we went down to check it out.  The line in front of the restaurant wasn't as long as the last time I was there.  The sandwich was pretty good.  Not wait an hour in line good, but good.  I'll certainly be back.  I really liked their version of an Arnold Palmer, made with Earl Grey tea.  Nice! While at downtown Disney I saw a super cool Donald Duck jacket that I SO wanted.  I can't afford it though.  I nearly bit the bullet and bought it anyway.  But having just paid a couple of big bills I thought better of it.

Nov 13, With the holiday now in the past I had to get back to the grind today.  And boy did I get beat up at work.  Too many patrons.  Too many books.  Too little time.  I just know this week is going to be me up twice as much as a regular week would.

Urban campers ready for Black Friday next week

Nov 16, TheGirl was having drinks with an old friend tonight after work, so I was left to my own devices.  I hung out with my homeless buddy Dane.  We went to a nearby Costco and I bought us a pair of their super cheap hot dogs with a drink.  Then we I bought us some apple pies at Rally's.  I was beat, and I wanted to chill, but I also didn't want to deal with the stupid traffic.  For some reason I was really tired from work today.  Not exactly sure why, but by 5pm I was ready to drop.  The last hour on the desk went by fast, and I could feel myself getting a second wind as 6pm approached.  As I told my buddy Vagabundo earlier this week, shortened week was going to beat me up twice as much.  It's funny because TheGirl doesn't send me a txt nearly the entire day and then since I'm not texting her either her first txt to me of the night is "are you okay?"  Duh, I'm giving you that space you wanted.  Honestly, I used to miss not getting a txt from her if more than twenty minutes would pass between txts.  But these days I've learned to just live without her txting me.  I know she doesn't put the effort into it as I do.  See, I think of txting as a day long conversation.  I like that I can have that kind of give and take.  Though granted, it can't be as in-depth as a conversation in real life, since it's limited to 140 letters at a time.  But still, I like that.  TheGirl, not so much, and she's told me so.
Anyway, while by Costco Dane and I saw some tents outside the Best Buy store.  Yup, there are people already camping outside stores in preparation for Black Friday next week.  NEXT WEEK! Jebers.

Metropolis 2

Nov 17, Today I took myself to LACMA to check out a few things that I wasn't able to see the last time I was there with TheGirl because we were in a hurry and focused our time on the Kubrick exhibit.  Mainly I wanted to check out Metropolis 2 (pictured above).  For some reasons it doesn't operate continuously, which is why last time TheGirl and I only got to see it "standing still," if you will.  This time I was able to watch the whole thing move.  The thing is pretty big, as you can see in the picture.  The sound of all the cars isn't super loud, as I expected it to be for some reason.  I didn't tell TheGirl I was going to LACMA, because I mean it's not really any of her business.  If she wants to know what I'm doing she can just ask.  But her not asking means she doesn't care to know.  So I don't volunteer the information.  I mean really, why should I?  We're not a couple.  We're "buddies," as she is so fond of pointing out.  Yeah, buddies.  Wednesday night, during out talk, she mentioned that her friend Nicolas mentioned that I would probably find another woman, one that will fulfill my needs better than TheGirl.  He's right.  It's not easy to find said woman, and really I'm not looking.  But if one should happen to fall into my life, like how TheGirl fell into my life out of seemingly nowhere, then I would be amenable to such a thing growing and my friendship with TheGirl waining.  I love her, but she doesn't have her shit together.  She can't be faithful.  Simple as that.  That is why I went to LACMA and didn't mention it to her at all.

Nov 18, Today I hung out with TheGirl in order to finish up watch the movie 2001 that we started watching over a week ago.  But, her curfew coupled with me falling asleep, caused us to stop the movie about half way through.  TheGirl wanted to be intimate.  But for some reason I wasn't able to perform.  I did for a little while, but then I went limp, came back, then went limp again.  There are too many thoughts going through my head lately when it comes to being intimate with TheGirl.  Part of me thinks that I don't want to be intimate with her any more, since I'm not in love with her.  Another part of me thinks it might be my health.  I've gain some pounds lately, I'm sure that my body isn't in the best of shape.  But since I do get hard, but I can't maintain it because my mind goes somewhere else I think that all of this bullshit with TheGirl has finally come to a head.  She's spending this Thanksgiving weekend with TheChisel.  Two weeks after this weekend she's going to San Francisco with him.  And I'm sure he's already staked his claim for Christmas and New Year's with her.  I keep telling myself that all this doesn't hurt me.  However, I realized that me saying that means that it does hurt.  It hurts enough that I just want to walk away.  However, I do like TheGirl, and do want to be intimate with her.  Nevertheless, this inability will cause a problem if it continues.  And it will continue if I can't stop thinking about it.

Nov 19, I predicted this morning on my way to work that this shortened week would beat me up to make up for the fact that I was going to have so many days off.  Sure enough, today started out way hectic.  My supervisor was out this morning, so it was up to me to get the circ. desk all ready.  Which isn't such a huge task, but then there were little things that came up that prevented me from doing things in a timely manner.  Like the server not allowing me to access my files.  Like the overdue notices not being on the desktop.  Like there being a ton of books.  Like me getting t work at exactly 9am, which meant I didn't actually get started with all this stuff until ten minutes after.  Anyway, everything fell into place and it was cool.  Sunday afternoon my ex-girlfriend, Talia Del Monte called me up.  She's been calling me for a few months now.  But with little interest on my part to rehash much of the past I kinda ignored her calls.  Also, not having a working cell phone made it difficult to call her when out of the house.  Which is nearly all the time.  But, I felt I need to call her back, especially since now I have a working cell phone.  So we talked while I drove from one job to another.  Since TheGirl is going to have company this weekend I figured it would be OK to hang out with Talia on Saturday.  I know I probably shouldn't, but it's nearly a done deal.  I wanted to drive up to Hearst's Castle this Saturday, but I guess that's off the agenda.  Perhaps I'll go up there during Christmas.
One of my former co-workers just sent an email to everyone at the job.  She says that there's an opening at Beverly Hill library for a clerk position.  Yeah, whatever!  I'm not going to try that avenue again.  I didn't get the job with Beverly Hills five years ago, or a few months ago, and I'm certainly not going to set myself up for another failure at the same library again.  They can just go fuck themselves.  I just remembered something Talia said today.  She said that if I wanted to have sex with her I could.  I might take her up on her offer, but I don't really care either way.  After my horrible performance the other night I'm not sure I want to fall short with Talia as well.

Nov 22, Today is Thanksgiving for a lot of people.  But not so much for me.  I have much to be thankful for, that goes without saying.  Nevertheless Thanksgiving doesn't have a good track record in my life.  It's either been a day when I just sit here at home, or are forced to go to a friend's house, or some tragedy.  Today is the fifth anniversary of my father dying.  I wasn't close to him, and I haven't missed him since he passed.  Still, it's not a pleasant thought, nor a pleasant day.

Yummy burger from Father's Office

Nov 23, Since TheGirl has company this weekend I hung out with my buddy Vagabundo.  Both of us were craving a burger, a good burger.  I suggested we finally try Father's Office.  I've been to Father's Office before, but it has been something like four years since I last at that great burger.  Thankfully my buddy approved of the taste.  Afterwards we went to the Greystone mansion in Beverly Hills, which was a big pile of meh.  I took a few throwaway pictures there.  We got thirsty, so I took him to Veggie Grill, where we drank a ton of iced tea and lemonade.  Afterwards we returned to my house, talked a bunch, watched some Onion videos, and then became hungry again.  We capped off the night with some tacos from a place in Van Nuys.  All-in-all a good food day.

Talia del Monte's front yard - a perfect mess

Nov 24, Today was quite a day.  My San Marino job had me go into work for a morning meeting.  I was reluctant to attend, but my friend Jon has not responded to txt messages I've been sending him for the last few days, and the last time I called him the call went to a message that his phone had been disconnected.  So I figured I would kill two birds with one stone and visit him after the meeting.  Sure enough, the morning meeting was pretty useless.  Especially since only four of the clerks (including me) attended.  After the meeting I bolted and went to my buddy's house.  Sure enough I found him at home.  He told me that he was being a hermit, and that he hadn't renewed his cell phone plan because he wanted some alone time.  I hung out with him a little while, caught up, played some video games, and then went off to visit my ex-girlfriend Talia del Monte.  I haven't seen Talia for just over two years.  There's a reason.  Hanging out with her is depressing.  Sure enough, this visit was no different.  Her house, is an utter mess.  The picture above is of her front yard.  It's a pile of trash.  So much so that her neighbors complain to the city about her messy house.  And yet Talia plays the victim, saying that her neighbors are out to get her.  Talia is as much a mess physically as her yard is an eyesore.  She is emaciated.  She showed me her body and it was like looking at someone from Auschwitz.  I spent something a little under two hours visiting her and from the moment I saw her I wanted to just drive back home.  There is nothing appealing about her figure, about her personality, or anything.  Her life is a shambles, she looks dirty and tired, and like she's starving.  She's a shell of the girl I new so many years back.  It was depressing to visit her today.  I'm pretty sure I won't do it any time soon.

pizza and salad equals yummy Wednesday night dinner

Nov 28, So after work I went to TheGirl's place for our traditional Wednesday night dinner.  I brought over a pizza that was supposedly going to be free.  But my ordering it online was screwed up because I was trying to do it in a hurry.  So the free pizza turned out to cost me full price.  Good thing is that I can still get my free pizza in the near future.  Dinner was yummy, but TheGirl was not all there.  Her commute REALLY takes a lot out of her.  I think that's why she calls TheChisel when she's driving home, to keep her sanity and to make the drive feel less.  She hasn't said this to me directly, but has dropped hints.  It's all good, what do I care.  But my bad feelings about this whole "sharing" TheGirl have come to a head.  I mentioned a few entries back that I couldn't perform sexually.  Well, I guess the flame is cooling because tonight TheGirl told me she was too tired to be intimate.  I knew this would happen.  Despite that we still had a good time cuddling and kissing.  Actually, after my own failings I was kinda glad to have the pressure off me.
At work today I realized that I have a bit of a crush on one of the patrons that shows up.  The jacked up thing is that to fulfill this crush would mean being like Humbert Humbert, because the girl in question is definitely younger that I am...  to say the least.  I'm certainly not proud, but this does goes beyond just finding someone attractive.  I look forward to seeing her, and feel disappointed then I don't.  She knows at some level that I find her attractive.  She came into the library just as I was by the door where we check-in books.  I waved hi and said hi to her.  I walked in one direction, she walked the opposite way.  But I had to check her out, so I looked back.  Sure enough, I caught her looking back at me.  She caught me looking.  Like I said, this can't be good.

Lounge burger is yummy

I've been doing these 52 week projects for the last two years.  This is year three.