Certainly this month has been jammed packed with stuff.  But it was the end of the month that made this month the best of the entire year.  More on that as you read on.

I wore a flower over my right ear, which means I'm "single and looking"

July 2, Today I sold tickets for the 4th of July celebrations at Lacy park in San Marino.  It was a non-stop fast pace ride of tickets and trying to learn how to do it on the fly, and also just generally dealing with people who wanted tickets at the resident price when when were clearly not residents of San Marino.  Afterward I then started my new assignment of working at the Montrose branch of the Glendale public library.  Now I've worked at Central for over four years now.  I know my way around that building pretty well now.  But I don't know my way around many of the branches, including the one I was to work at tonight.  They started me with some shelving, and then I got to be on the front desk.. BY MYSELF! The rest of the staff, except the boss, all left at 6pm.  Leaving me to fend for myself on the desk.  Thankfully the desk wasn't very busy.  I checked in a bunch of books, and generally kept pace with the work.  The boss told me at the end of the night that she appreciated me stepping in like I did, since she was short staffed.  Only thing I did wrong was input the amount of money into the wrong cash register and I forgot to get my time card signed.  Next time.

July 3, I found out today that I will no longer be working on Sundays! Woo hoo! I had gotten to the point that I COULDN'T STAND working on Sundays.  Escape was my plan, and now I can have a normal Monday through Friday schedule.  I've been waiting four years for this.

TheGirl, after a hike and being intimate... and my meal at breakfast

July 4, I went hiking with TheGirl today.  I had family coming over at 3pm, but I also wanted to spend time with TheGirl, since her daughter was not going to be around.  That alone time is super precious.  It's almost impossible to find that time these days in order to be intimate.  This past Sunday I went over to TheGirl's to specifically be intimate.  But her daughter "cock blocked" us by getting all angry at her saying she wanted some private time with me.  But none of that today.  We first went hiking on a trail near TheGirl's place.  Just a few minutes up.  She had taken me up near there once before in order to take some pictures.  But this was the first time I went hiking up there with her.  We started out at 10am, and just a little past 11am I told her we should head back, since we were on a curfew.  What with me having to return home in time to meet up with the family.  After returning back to her place we were intimate.  Our intimate moments have been so much more intimate and powerful since we broke up a few weeks ago.  In essence our relationship is still on, except that every other weekend she spends with this other guy.  I'm OK with that now.. kinda.  Only because there isn't anything I do that's going to prevent her from going off with him.  Also, I stay because I'm still completely in love with her.  And isn't that a good enough reason to stay?  Perhaps not for everyone, but it is for me.  We then went to Foxy's in Glendale for some late breakfast.  I ordered a huge tostada and she had some pancakes.  Afterward I went home and spent a little time with the family.  They left early, early enough that I thought perhaps TheGirl would want to hang out again.  But after the hike and being intimate she said I wore her out.  Perhaps she just wants some alone time.  I can understand that.  And now I'm listening to the fireworks go off in the distance as I write this.  An awesome 4th!

TheGirl standing in front of her new house?  Perhaps

July 7, TheGirl asked me to join her around Santa Monica today in order to get better acquainted with the neighborhood where her new job is located.  We walked up and down Ocean Park, and then went to eat at veggie place just a few feet from her new job.  Then we drove around looking for a place for her to possibly move to.  TheGirl admits to dreaming a little when she saw an open house sign a just as we were walking up to the restaurant.  We went up the street only to find the open house was this incredible house selling for $1.5 million.  The house was so pretty, and quaint.  If TheGirl did move in it would be an act of some divine miracle.  But then again, perhaps her new job was that as well.  All-in-all it was a good day.  I love spending time with TheGirl, and despite us not being in a relationship our time together has not really changed from the time when we were in a relationship.  It's like someone just hit the reset button.  However, the reality is that there is another man in the mix.  The "friend" she goes off every other weekend and hangs out with.  His presence disheartens me.  I don't care if she's intimate with him.  I just hate the potential that he will be the object of her affections.  Or worse yet, her love.  If she tells me that she's falling in love with him I won't want to ever see her again.  I'm sorry, that's how I feel.

July 11, TheGirl and I were intimate tonight.  We we planning on being intimate earlier in the week, but things didn't work out.  Actually, Monday she came up to visit me at my new branch job in Montrose.  She walked up from her place and we drove back down to her place, where we sat outside her place in my car and talked for nearly three hours.  In that talk some things came out about this "friend" of hers.  She nearly broke it off with him because he wants a relationship.  She doesn't.  Simple equation.  But he pressed her on it, and she nearly told him to take a hike.  Of course I liked hearing that.  But I know the realities are that he's going to snap back into a position where he isn't rocking the boat.  I'm doing the same thing, because my reward is that I still get to be intimate with TheGirl.  A part of me wants to wait this out, and hopes that her "fling" with this man is a product of some want to spread her wings.  I'm still in Love with TheGirl, completely.  When we are intimate I wish her to feel physically what I feel emotionally towards her.  And so I pour my heart out.  In my heart I know that what TheGirl has chosen to do means that there isn't a future between the two of other other than this continued fuck-buddy status, followed by a possible friendship.  I wish it were different.

July 13, So I went out to a bar with my buddy Dane.  Took him to Jax, the place where TheGirl and I first hung out over a year ago.  I needed to get some food and booze in my belly.  The night was young, but it soon turned old.  I hit on an older woman, who I thought was attractive because of the booze.  But still, lonely me didn't care.  She stone cold rejected me.  Not a pretty sight.  She did tell me I was handsome.  Why thank you, TheGirl calls me that all the time.  I don't want to get a swelled head about it though.  The night ended late for me, having to sleep off much of the booze.  It was a great distraction from the stupid drama TheGirl has put me through.  She's out with her friend" tonight.  I hope he chokes to death on his dinner.

Jennifer taking a picture of a male model on Wilshire blvd.

July 14, TheGirl is off this weekend with her "friend" and so I was left to my own devices again.  But this time I didn't just sit around the house.  Knowing that this day would come I decided that TheGirl's call for me to "see other people" was a good one.  She doesn't think I'll move on this quickly, and she's right.  But I also can't just sit around waiting for her little "affair" to crash and burn like I know it will.  So, today I hung out with a former co-worker named Jennifer.  She's nice.  She attractive.  And she does photography on the side, like I do.  I met her a few months at my Glendale job.  I would say hi to her, but little else.  Until one day a few weeks ago she up and started talking to me about photography.  And then again, and I gave her my card.  She had found my Flickr photos and that opened the door to her talking to me.  Today is the culmination of all that.  We went down Wilshire blvd to take some pictures and have a good time.  Jennifer is nice, and as I said before, attractive.  I need to ask her out, but I don't want to get shot down.  Nor do I want to start something when I've yet to really fall out of love with TheGirl.  I don't think it's fair for Jennifer to have to deal with the shit that I'm still involved in with TheGirl.  However, me dating Jennifer would be a good way to finally move away from my devotion to TheGirl.  Because to wait her out isn't fair to me.  I want to be with TheGirl for the rest of our lives.  But her flaws have shown that idea to be untenable.  I treated Jennifer like a friend, only once in a while brushing up against her.  I like her.  I want her to know that.  I need to know she likes me before I make a move.  I need to make a move.  I've never made the move.  TheGirl made the move.

July 15, On Sundays in the past I would work until 5pm.  But I don't work on Sundays anymore.  Usually after work I would go over to TheGirl's place and have diner and possibly be intimate.  But this isn't my usual Sunday anymore.  Suffice to say today was nice a great day for me.  TheGirl got mad at me because she felt I was playing games with her.  See, she hung out with who I will now call her OldDud, short for old dud.  I don't like this guy being in her life, because by association he is in MY life.  I'm sure he doesn't like me being in TheGirl's and also by association his life.  But tough shit, I was here first.  Anyway, this was the weekend she hung out with that cocksucker.  But once he leaves I get to go over to her place and have dinner and be intimate.  But this week that turned into a big mess, all because I assumed one thing and she assumed another.  Suffice to say it wasn't pretty when I called her at around 7pm while I was driving on Mulholland drive.  She hung up on me while we were talking on the phone.  I was on my way to her place, but traffic caused me to not get to her place until it was nearly 9pm.  By that time I had missed her.  She had gone out for a walk.  I waited for her for about an hour and a half outside her place.  We had a talk afterwards and came to a better understanding of our pseudo relationship.  She also dropped some hints that all isn't well with her OldDud asshole.  She told me that the whole time she was with him she thought of me.  But that's stupid, because she was already with me and dumped me to have her freedom to hang out with this cocksucker.  At the end of our conversation she mentioned how she needs me in her life.  How it would devastate her if I wasn't in her life, or if I found someone else.  I nearly wanted to tell her that I may have found someone else, and her nightmare that I would no longer be in her life because I was with someone else might come true sooner than later.  But really she has no right to tell me to be loyal to her.  She knows that, because she's the one that signed this fuck buddy "contract" with blood.. my blood that poured out when she broke my heart.  I agreed to her terms because I needed her in my life.  After this weekend I'm starting to wonder if I really do need her in my life.  As of this moment I do.  But soon I might not.

Me, checking out books at the Montrose branch of the GPL

July 16, TheGirl was cool enough to walk up from her place to my Monday job.  She lives just down the road, and her coming was expected, what after last week's surprise visit.  Tonight TheGirl and I were intimate.  After our little row yesterday, we needed to rekindle our passions.  I enjoy being intimate with TheGirl, more than with anyone else.  But yesterday's argument over timing has shown me that I'm still not being as straightforward with TheGirl as I need to be.  But also, it shows me that I still care too much.  I guess I'm still in love.

July 18, TheGirl didn't feel well tonight.  I went over to her place for our traditional Wednesday night dinner, topped off with being intimate.  It's nearly a guaranteed intimate moment.  But not tonight.  TheGirl didn't feel well.  The thing is, I am definitely doing better with falling out of love with her.  I will love her, but my goal is to no longer be "in love" with her.  Because holding on to that hope isn't going to get me anywhere.  After Sunday's big talk and Saturday's hang with Jenn, I realize that there really isn't a future with TheGirl.  We can remain friends, but where a few weeks ago I hoped to wait this whole thing out and rekindle a relationship with TheGirl.  I no longer think that's a priority.  Nor do I think that I can't be with anyone else.  Jenn may not be the future, but spending time with her felt really good.  Not thinking of TheGirl, nor wondering what she was doing with "OldDud," felt awesome.  After this weekend, and this week, I've finally turned a corner on this relationship.  Someone mentioned to me that I got over TheGirl relatively fast.  No I didn't.  It might feel fast because a couple of weeks ago I was still mentioning how I was in love with her.  Today I'm not so crazy in love with her.  The funny thing is how she fears this more than ever, but she has done EVERYTHING in her power to make this come true.

July 19, In my drunken state I realized while talking to TheGirl on the phone that she is actually deferring her happiness for me.  I told her so.  That's nuts on her part.  I think I'm worth staying with, but I don't think I'm worth deferring her happiness.  But before that revelation TheGirl invited me to go with her to a meditation center.  She wants to learn the ways of Buddhism, and I'm happy to be by her side on this journey.  By the end of the night I realized that most of the people wanting to learn to mediate were there to stop the voices in their head from downing them out.  TheGirl has ten things going on in her head at any one time.  She needs to use whatever techniques to focus those ten things into one thing at a time.  Tonight I loved that she invited me to go with her to this meditation center.

Just some of the stuff that I moved from one storage area to another

July 20, Today the library had me working a special assignment, moving a ton of storage items from one storage area to another storage area.  Why the move?  I have NO idea.  But, moving all that junk is WAY better than doing work at central today.  By the end of the day I was definitely beat, but I also felt good.  Spending time with TheGirl was the topper for the night.

July 21, I took TheGirl and her daughter to see "The Dark Knight Rises." The movie was pretty good, but I can't say that I thought it was as good as the hype.  To me it felt like a retread of the previous Dark Knight.  The girl then rushed me out of her place early because she had scheduled a "chat" on the computer with OldDud.  I knew that's why she didn't mention to me that I should stay and be intimate.  Whatever.

Picture taken on Rexford, while on my way to my interview

July 23, As I write this, nearly two hours have passed since I had my interview with the Beverly Hills public library.  One of my former co-workers, Jane, was on the interview panel.  I hope I did well, but time will tell if they call me back for a second interview.  I went in there not nervous at all.  But, I did get a little nervous waiting in the office.  Then I saw Jane.  I hope she puts in a good word for me.  For now, I'm here getting ready for work later today, and getting ready for my Big Sur trip at the end of the week.  I have stocked up on snacks for the trip.  I wish TheGirl was going with me, but she's not.  She says she wishes she could go, but then says she can't afford it.  She's strange, since she was perfectly willing to pay for gasoline for her trips with OldDud.  I'm going to see her tonight, and plan on being intimate with her.
I went over TheGirl's tonight.  She and I were intimate.  Good time had by all.  But while txting her daughter she made the mistake of actually txting OldDud, now to be called TheChisel (since he has chiseled in on our lives, and invited himself to something he has no business attending).  So, to cover up her mistake TheGirl called up TheChisel and asked me to say hi to him.  It was crazy.  I told TheGirl that despite this drama sucking it has been fun.  It is never boring, that's for sure.

BIG SUR!  Day 1

July 27, The drive up to Big Sur was quite different from what I remember it being some seven years ago.  Probably because seven years ago I wasn't driving.  Nevertheless, the drive was quite nice.  On my way to Big Sur I stopped off at TheGirl's camp, where she was taking a couple of days to camp with her daughter.  She confessed that she still has deep feelings for me.  I kinda didn't want to deal with that at the moment, seeing as I'm still processing the break-up.  And also because a growing part of me was resolved to take the break-up at face value and not pine away for TheGirl.  Deetjen's is pretty.  What would have been our room is delightful.  After checking in I drove up to Carmel and walked around a bit.  Then after a suggestion from TheGirl I went into Monterey to get Carl's Jr. for dinner.  It really hit the spot, and only for $6.  As I write this I've had a couple of swigs of booze, and I'm falling asleep.  Tomorrow is a jammed packed day.

Big Sur, day 2

July 28, Today was one of the best days of my life.  I went hiking up in Pfeiffer Burns park, a few miles South of where I'm staying.  While I took a good deal of pictures of the waterfall that is easily accessible from the highway, I'm glad that I also went on a trek to another waterfall that's not as easily accessible.  Pictured above, this waterfall now represents not only the beauty of Big Sur, but also a moment in time that I won't soon forget.  At that moment I felt complete and enlightened.  Nothing worried me, nothing mattered.  I realized how insignificant I am, but also how lucky I am to exist.  I didn't want to leave.

Big Sur, day 3

July 29, Day three is departure day.  I woke up three times during the early morning hours.  The second to last time I told myself that I didn't want to leave.  I wanted to find a job up North and move up there.  That's only going to happen if I win a nice chunk of change while playing the lottery. 

July 30, It was back to the grind day.  My San Marino job is a total dead-end.  The new hire a few weeks ago has taken over the job that supposedly my was going to be mine.  I knew the second I didn't get that other promotion that my future at that library was nearly over.  After this weekend I don't want to have to deal with all this bullshit.

TheGirl and I in happier times, last year's anniversary

I've been doing these 52 week projects for the last two years.  This is year three.