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Afterthoughts : This Past Month
The end of April was a welcomed day, because April turned out to be a horrible month for me. May started out well enough, but ended with me in a sort of relationship limbo. Read on and find out what I mean.
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May 1, I saw the news about Bin Laden's death as I walked to the Gold line station in Pasadena through the window of a restaurant. At first I felt nothing, and then a wave of emotions hit me and I found I couldn't hold all of them back. As I walked to the station I took a deep breath and remembered that horrible day, and how the horrible seed of destruction was planted into the minds of these men who flew airplanes into the World Trade Center. I thought about all those people that died because of an idea based on something as useless as religion. It took ten years for Bin Laden to be served up his death the way he served up the deaths of thousands of people. But at least he's dead. I'm not sure what will come of this, but I'm incredibly glad he's dead.
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May 5, Day 11 of a 13 day straight work marathon. I guess the Universe has decided that I'm never to see my house again. Work asked me to stay an hour more, so I worked nine hours today. But I'm making the "big bucks," right? Right? And on top of everything else it's Cindo de Mayo. But I don't have the bread to go out and drink tonight. :(
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Girlfriend on a leash, at the Griffith Observatory
May 7, On day 281 The Girl reintroduced me to her daughter. We went to the Griffith Observatory and spend most of the day together.
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May 9, 7:57am: When I had a working car I would wake up for work at around 6:30. Now I wake up at 5am. That extra hour and a half of sleep makes a huge difference in my disposition. I've been without a car for a little over two months. In that time I've grown more mentally tired than ever before. The early wake-up calls and super long commutes have taken their toll on me mentally. Ironically my physical fitness had never been better. All the walking I've been doing has helped me lose weight and get more stamina.
8:37am: Waiting to start work and already I'm tired. Is this what my existence has boiled down to? A constant stream of work and long commutes? I think I rather not be around if this is the pattern the rest of my life is going to take.
6:35pm: On the bus now, my belly filled with two Famous Stars. If I waited to eat until I got home I would starve. This way $3.30 saves me from passing out on my way home. It sucks having to spend any money on food when I know there's food at home. But self-preservation supersedes logic when your hungry.
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May 14, My day off is TOTALLY wasted by my Aunt's insistence that we go to some store in Chatsworth looking for a cheap refrigerator. Only to find that the prices at the store aren't all that cheap. I have a full tally of the wasted say on my journal, an entry entitled "TOTALLY wasted day."
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The world is gonna end? NOT!
May 15, Nearly a week before the supposed last weekend on Earth these dopes showed up on the train to pass out their dumb pamphlets. I wanted to punch some sense into these idiots, but I didn't. Words, punches, nothing I could go was going knock some sense into them. What a bunch of dopes.
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Tower of Terror
May 18, Disneyland with the girl (3rd trip) Our third trip to Disneyland might have been the best because it was the first in which we were completely on our own. She got me to go on the Tower of Terror, and I got her to go on the Finding Nemo ride.
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May 21, Of course you will remember years from now that the Earth was supposed to end today. Of course it didn't. Because such an event would mean that some dummy did some calculations and predicted the end using a fairytale for "evidence." I honestly hate these dummies, because ultimately some idiots believe this stuff and start "living" their lives with only one thing on their minds.. The end. That means they aren't living.
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May 23, Up until a few days ago I would have told you that I was more mentally tired than physically tired. Not anymore. I'm now more physically tired, a perpetual tired state that doesn't ever lessen to a totally relaxed state. I hate always feeling tired. Even as I write this I'm on the bus fighting to stay awake.
6:41pm - The Universe shone on me today at work because after lunch I was told to go down to the loading dock and sell some books.
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May 29, Feeling super tired. I'm tempted to have a drink to take the pain away. I don't like booze, but I love its effect on me... a numbing effect that helps me not feel anything but joy.
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Santa Monica
May 30, For Memorial day The Girl and I went down to Santa Monica's 3rd Street. But with all the extra walking I've been doing my right leg began hurting and we had to cut the walking short. After returning to my house we watched the movie "Network." A personal favorite of mine.
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May 31, The Girl and I celebrate ten months together. And of course the Universe can't leave things alone. Tonight we had a talk about a "choice" she has to make. To go back to her former situation, or stay with me. I think I have everything to offer, but that apparently compelling evidence isn't enough. Or isn't even a factor. Logically I shouldn't be worried about this. However, when it comes to the emotions of a woman logic is never a factor. In short, I went from being completely confident that she would stay with me, to nearly knowing 100% that it's over. Crazy, huh? That's life. I'll know more by this Friday.
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