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Afterthoughts : This Past Month
As stated in the intro, this has been a jammed packed month to say the least. If things are meant to be, they are meant to be no matter what. Strangely enough, that's the lesson I learned this month. Being a cynic I'm not one that believes in such things. I don't like saying that things are fated to be. I believe in the near random ability for things to occur. However, this past month has shown me some things that are too blatant to ignore. I'm still skeptical about the whole thing. I still wonder if the connections are in my mind rather than "really" happening. Time will answer those questions. On to the month in review.
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June 1, The Girl informed me last night that she is still carrying the emotional baggage of her last relationship. To the point that she is considering going back. Of course I think even thinking about that is dumb. She is going to go camping tomorrow and Friday with the ex and their daughter. It will either be a rekindling or an end. It goes without saying that I want her to stay with me.
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June 2, I'll sum up this day with a quote from my journal: "Tomorrow I will know the answer. At first I thought there was no question she would stay with me, completely rejecting the idea of reconciliation. But since she first mentioned it last week my confidence has wained because of her actions. Some of my friends have given me the advice that I should be the one to walk away, not even allowing her the option of choosing my fate. But I have to be fair to her and allow her to make the choice, rather than to thrust the choice of going back to a miserable relationship because I've left her. I love her enough to let her choose. It might be foolhardy, but it's what I have to do."
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June 3, To paraphrase my journal: "Let me start by saying that technology in this and age is wonderful... until it doesn't work." Technology, "nearly failed me." The Girl needed, "To figure some things out about her life. I had my doubts because she didn't get in contact with me. But little did I know that the answer to my question had already been sent the day before. But the Universe has a way of making things hard on me. Because that particular text, the one that reassured me that The Girl was staying with me, got log in cyber space." "Yes, The Girl and I are still together." Thankfully. In addition to my relationship news I also have the good news of a "promotion" to mention. I'm now the new back-up driver at the library. I get to deliver books to all the branches. It's not gonna pay that much more than my current job, but at least it breaks the monotony of the job.
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The Girl and I at the Tim Burton exhibit
June 4, Took The Girl to the Tim Burton exhibit at LACMA. She's not a museum person in that she's not used to going to museums. But I plan on changing that, because I am a museum person. The exhibit was pretty cool. I only wish there weren't so many people. But that's what happens when an exhibit is popular. (read my journal entry, and check out more picures)
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June 7, The Girl and I drove down to Disneyland for a half-day of fun. Our goal was to check out the new Little Mermaid attraction, as well the revamped Star Tours. Definitely mission accomplished.
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June 8, As I write this I look back at this night I'm not even sure that it was for real or a horrible nightmare. The story is long, but the short version is that The Girl thought it was in her best interest to go back to her former relation. She wished me luck, and subsequently broke up with me. It came as a complete shock to me. And worse yet, I know that this move is the wrong move for both of us. But, the pull of her former life must have been too great for me to compete with.
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June 9-13, These days have been torturous. This feels like death. I have lost my best friend and my lover. I haven't been eating, I've barely been sleeping (except on the bus). And I cry at the drop of a hat. I guess it's a typical healing process after a break-up. I want to die. I've been drinking to forget my sorrows. In short, I miss her, and I'm a mess.
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June 13, I've been putting a lot of things off lately. Important things that won't fix themselves on their own. So today I called in sick to work and decided to make some changes. First change was to consolidate my debt. Second step was to sell my old car. Third step was to let The Girl go emotionally and move on. But then she contacted me, and explained what had happened since she broke up with me. It was an odyssey of self-discovery and realization. She quickly realized what a mistake she made. But now we're back together for keeps.
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June 14, TheGirl returned from her odyssey, and I start process of getting my loan today. This day was packed in that I signed for a debt consolidation loan. I'm paying such high percentages on my credit card bills that there is no way I'll be able to dig myself out from under. So I started the process of getting a loan to get all these bills under control. TheGirl wrote me a long email explaining what had happened during her reconciliation weekend with her ex. From what she described, it was torture. After her ordeal she has come back to me more sure about our relationship than ever.
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June 17, Well, the big day of my driving test that will officially qualify me to drive the delivery van at work was today. I know how nervous I can get with things, but thankfully I wasn't nervous about this. I passed the test with a score of 85, and come next week I'll be driving the van.
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June 21, HUGE day filled with a lot of little things. Went to bank to drop off last of paperwork they needed for the pending loan. New fridge delivered. And TheGirl came over to "hang out" with me after only seeing each other once in two weeks since "The Incident." Suffice to say, I got a lot done.
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June 23-24, Operation "Rekindle" was set for this weekend. TheGirl and I were able to spend the entire weekend together because I didn't work on Sunday. Saturday we hung out at CityWalk and finally ate some Jody Maroni's. Sunday we simply hung out at my place. We fell right back into our old routine. It's like "The Incident" never happened. Yes, we spoke about it. Both of us agree that it's best left in the past. We're together now, for keeps.
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June 28, The big loan signing day. My aunt and I went to the bank to sign the final papers for my consolidation loan. What this loan means is a new start. A way of actually paying down my debts while still being able to get a new car. I plan on getting a Honda Fit by the end of the week. Now that I know how much my monthly is going to be on the loan I can plan on how much I can spend on the car. Good times.
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June 30, Continued my driver training today. Next week I get one more training session and then I'm on my own. I think this driver thing is gonna be pretty good. For one thing, I'm out of the office. Though it's going to be super hot driving around in the summer. I still feel that I'm better off than stuck inside.
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