Afterthoughts: This Past Month

With the passing of Cheyenne this month I don't have much to say except good-bye, pups.  On to the update.

Wednesday, October, 1, These clown circuses I work with can't seem to get basic things correct.  Today's example is the wrong lids being on the CD containers.  Someone put a note on one saying there was a lid problem.  But what they didn't get is that the lids had been inverted.  We have two different size containers, with obviously different shaped lids.  They are close to being compatible.  As a matter of fact, you can brute strength the wrong lid on the wrong container.  Still, it is funny that my coworkers didn't see what I spotted in a fraction of a second.  That lid A was on bin B, and lid B was on bin A.  I just reversed them and took the note and threw it in the trash.  Trash, like my coworkers.

Jaclyn told me today that after the November 8th outing the bookmobile will go into hiatus due to lack of funding.  I guess this means I get my Saturdays back.  What would these dopes have done if they had actually hired a full time bookmobile person?  I wonder.  Oh well, it was fun working the bookmobile events.  Some of them.  Despite me loving my Saturdays back it does mean that my Tuesday Adventures will have to be short adventures.  But maybe now I'll have some Saturday adventures.  I think we should go out once a month to some event, but the bosses claim that's going to cost too much.  I think this is a bad move.  The bookmobile is flawed, for sure.  But, we were making it work.  Oh well... another L for the city.

I met a new employee today... Abby.  They introduced her via email last week.  She is quite cute in person.  In the email they said she would mainly work events at the library.  OK.  Not sure who is going to train her, since none of these dopes have institutional knowledge except Raffy, Grigor and me.  Everyone always looks to Raffy and me for information about the auditorium.  Don't think this time will be different.

TheGirl mentioned going to Reno's for dinner tonight.  I ordered spaghetti and meatballs, a classic.  It was really good.  Everything, the spaghetti, the meatballs and even the garlic bread was on point.  So yummy.  The first time we came here it wasn't that good.  But the last few times we've eaten here the food has been really good.  We got Cheyenne a pair of meatballs and she wolfed them up.  She still wants to eat.

Thursday, October, 2, I opened up the browser at work to start to login to the various pages that I need at work.  The start page is the city's internal intranet page with links to things like upcoming events.  I saw that the touch a truck event was one of the links.  I clicked on it and the PDF flier came up.  To my surprise the flier did not list the bookmobile amongst the vehicles that would be at the event.  Oh goodie... does that mean we don't have to go?  More like, as always, we are the redheaded stepchild of the city.

I sent the above picture to TheNewCute today.  She responded that it was a cute picture.  Nothing after that.  I texted her after a talk I had with our Chevy Chase regulars that I've taken a shine to.  We usually talk about things on Wednesday, and yesterday we got to talking about TheNewCute ghosting me.  Rukmani made a point that perhaps TheNewCute just needed her space.  I said I understood that perfectly.  I added that TheNewCute was the one that opened up the lines of communication.  Not me.  So, I texted her a picture of Chan.  Just because.

Friday, October, 3, I was listening to the Stern show when they mentioned that it was forty years since they were fired from WNBC in NY.  They mentioned a set of their bits called "Crucified by the FCC."  Which I own on cassette tape.  I want to transfer them to digital, with the equipment in the Maker Space.  But Michael told me that they don't have the tape recorder anymore.  Well, I had to find out for myself.  Turns out they do have the tape recorder, but it's broken.  Womp, womp.  The reason I bring this up is to point out how funny it is that people lock things in a cabinet, yet leave the key where I can easily find it.  I looked in the desk and didn't find it.  But I found it on a hook in the storage closet.  It's like how they will put the password to the computer on the screen, or under the keyboard.  There's a scene in the movie War Games where David (played by Matthew Broderick) finds the password to the school's computer in the office desk.  Not too clever.  And it's something we do at the library as well.

During the 2017 renovation the emergency exit in circulation was taken out.  Well, it's taken eight years but we finally have a fire exit.  Not sure why they even took it out, because the fire exit was still there.  It was just used for the children's room and not us.  Well, now if something does happen we have a way out.  I always said that we needed that exit if there's an active shooter.  Because trying to get out of circulation while having to exit through the hallway, where the gunman might be, would be dangerous.

The pretty girl du jour is an Armenian girl at Brand.  I saw her on Wednesday.  She has an amazing behind.

I wanted to get my vaccine earlier, but I went to Solvang last week.  Boy, the vaccine is popular.  When I arrived at the store there was already eight people ahead of me.  After I left there were a half dozen people in line.  Good work, everybody. 

I dropped by the market to get some booze.  I didn't have anything else that I needed on my list, so I couldn't even pretend I was going in for booze and something else.  Every time I go to the market and get a pair of bottles of booze the person in line behind, or in front, will say something like that's where the party is happening.  Tonight it was an attractive lady, and I joked back that I'll see her later.  I would have liked to have seen her later.  Alas, no one ever takes me up on the offer.

Saturday, October, 4, Last night my aunt comes up to me and tells me what she wants me to order from California chicken cafe for breakfast.  This is unusual, since she NEVER knows what she wants to eat.  She told me she wanted a wrap, some roasted potatoes, and their vegetable soup.  Cool.  Done.  This morning right after I woke up I put in that and my order into the app and waited until it was time to pick it up.  10:45am.  My aunt, I guess, had second thoughts and asks if I already ordered.  Yes.  She was thinking that maybe it was too much food for her.  She wanted me to drop the potatoes, but it was too late.  I ate some of them.

Sunday, October, 5, I had the idea of buying some cream cheese for my work snack.  Damn, as I write that I realize I forgot to buy crackers.  I guess I can buy them next time.  Anyway, when I went to that area in the market I found that there were a lot of different cream cheeses, even one that was plant based.  Gee, these dopes love to hang on to something of the moment.  At the moment it's plant based stuff.

I was talking to my friend Greg last night about how his life has been falling apart since his mother died.  My friend Sunnye said she might be homeless again.  What is going on with everyone's life falling apart?

After I wrote the above Ilsa told me that she is ready to quit her job due to the haters.  What is going on here?  Why is everything seemingly falling apart?  Including me.

Monday, October, 6, I got out of my car in the garage and when I went to get my bags I was stunned to see that I had left my lunch at home.  What a dummy.  I realized at that point that I didn't even take the food out of the fridge.  I had to buy something, which I don't want to do.  Mainly because I REALLY want to lose another twenty pounds, if possible.  I think it is, with the same portion control and more walking.  Definitely more walking.

Ru is losing weight, and she is looking amazing these days.  When doesn't she though?  Well, yes, she always looks good, but her hips looked extra nice today.  I mean extra nice.

Marie from Treasury also looked amazing today.  And she talked to me for a good amount of time today.  I want to be with her so madly.  Sigh.

The paper had an article today about the expansion of the park that's right next to the library.  A few years ago the city decided to build a new museum on the big lawn, so we lost all that park land.  To make up for it, the city decided to take the parking lot behind the library and turn that into a park.  Same with the driveway.  The driveway I use to haul the books from place to place.  I have to bring this up, AGAIN, to the powers that be.  Because when I brought it up last time it was over six years ago.  The powers that were are not the ones that be now.  My thing would be to just have us park on the side, but have a dedicated loading zone just for the delivery.  But, we'll see.

A person from the past, Olga, asked me if I still did photography, because they wanted to hire me to work some events at their job.  Sure, I said.  I would love to do that.  After some text exchanges we got on the phone to talk about the details.  It would be like when I was working with the foundation taking pictures of people at events and such.  Right up my alley.  I wonder how Olga looks these days.  She's one of the perfect examples of me fucking up things with women.  She was interested in sleeping with me, but I made some wrong move and boom - see ya later, buddy.  I still don't know what I did wrong.  Guess I never will.

Tuesday, October, 7, The AT&T man showed up this morning to install fiber internet.  He was quick and got me up and running in less than two hours.  I think my situation helped a lot, because I already had a hole that he could use to get the fiber inside the house.  It used to be the cable line that went through that hole, but now it's the fiber.  Easy peasy.

The first speed test was slow, but the second, and subsequent ones, have been nice and fast.  Easily over 300 mbps on both upload and download.  From my old speeds of 25 mbps to now is a 1,100% jump in speed.  Nice.  No more buffering.

After the installer left I decided to go out and kill two birds with one stone.  I needed to get my aunt her money from the bank, and I needed to get my steps in for the day.  I walked down Ventura blvd in Encino from Encino park to just beyond Louise ave.  It was a little warm, but not too bad.  Just over two miles total.

At around 5pm my aunt came out to the backyard to ask what I was going to eat.  Ah, what?  We just ate a couple of hours ago.  She's been on this mini campaign to get me to eat more.  Eat, she says.  Go get some fast food, if you don't like the food we have here.  I'm good.  We have a lot of food in the fridge right now.  I mean it's stacked.  And it's good food.  She made a mountain of beans, and she asked me to get cheese.  I got some tortillas and today I made a bean and cheese quesadilla.  Cool, right?  So why this campaign to make me eat?  I can't imagine she didn't notice my weight loss.  I've lost over twenty pounds.  I want to keep losing more and more.  And it's not that hard to eat less.  I made my quesadilla fat, because I didn't intend on having another meal the rest of the day.  And here she comes trying to get me to eat.  I'm good.

Wednesday, October, 8, My aunt always has some excuse for not "working" (aka toiling) on some made up Jewish holiday.  She usually does the dishes, but the dishes have sat uncleaned for the last few days.  If she doesn't wash them today I'll wash them.  Hell, from now on I should just wash my own stuff.

I woke up on time this morning, but I must have gone back to bed.  When I woke up at around 6:45am I had time to take a shower, but no time to eat breakfast.  Which is silly, since I got to work fifteen minutes early.  Oh well.  I need to lose more weight anyway.  Skipping breakfast used to make me feel like I was starving.  Not so much anymore.

In my haste this morning I forgot to take my salad dressing with me this morning.  I got the salsa container confused with the salad dressing container.  ARGH!  I went to the kitchen at Brand to see if I could find some dressing.  I did, thankfully.  I fucking hate that I'm a fucking mess these days and I forget things.

The powers that be posted the agenda for Monday's all staff meeting and it's a doozy.  One thing they have scheduled for us is meditation.  I said to some of my coworkers that this is done to shift the burden from the managers to us.  Just like the soda companies shifted the blame for littering to the customers by advocating recycling, this move does the same.  They don't have to fix anything, we just have to learn to cope better.  It's not about dealing with the problems the library faces everyday, this is about shifting the burden to the employees.

TheGirl and I went to Don Cuco for dinner tonight.  As we arrived the bad waiter, Mario, was leaving and he told us that we won't see him because he's switching to the day shift.  Good.  We didn't want to see him at all.  He always got something wrong on our orders.

Thursday, October, 9, The weather has finally turned really chilly.  I love it.  At dinner last night it was pretty chilly, but I told TheGirl I wasn't going to wear a jacket.  I'm going to try and hold out to wear a jacket.

A patron came up to the desk and asked Vivian where the trash can was located.  Vivian tells the man, Around the corner, and points in the general direction of the trash can.  I admit, it's a little hidden, but what this patron did next was another what is going on here moment.  The desk have little holes that are for the wires that come up from under the desk to the desk top.  This idiot puts his snot rag in that little hole.  Of course Vivian is disgusted.  Why would this guy think this little hole was the trash can?  ARGH!  People are so stupid.

Yesterday the city did an employee appreciation thing where they gave away free burgers.  My coworker Tony got me a burger, but I couldn't eat it last night, since I went out to dinner.  But I did eat it for dinner tonight.  Afterwards my farts were way stinky.  I'm usually not this stinky.

Friday, October, 10, After loading the van I got into the cabin to find that the passenger mirror was missing.  Someone must have taken it.  Because if it had been broken Tony would have told me.  Just great.

The guys at the garage told me they would order the mirror.  I told Pedro that we weren't driving Monday.  He says that they probably wouldn't order it until Monday.  I joked that I better go to Pep Boys, and Pedro says honestly it would be faster.  This I know.  I went to the nearest auto parts dealer looking for a temporary mirror.  Mission accomplished, I found one.

One of the art pieces in the new show is called Bitter / Asian aisle by Michael Tran.  It has some interesting details, like a box of Pokey with the price tag describing the product as tight Asian pussy.

My aunt has a way of putting me in a sad state.  I realize now that the only thing that brings me any displeasure in this work is her actions and words.  I have had to deal with her idiocy first hand since my grandmother passed away in 2005.  So for twenty years she has nagged me.  Some of those years she didn't really get a chance, since she was working.  But ever since she retired her stupid efforts have seemingly gone up exponentially.  Tonight, after getting home from work, I was eating dinner when she said the stupidest thing to me.  She weaved this story of her finding a cockroach in the Brita pitcher, telling me that I should cover it up when I'm done.  First off, no.  That didn't happen.  Second, I know it didn't happen because I don't just leave the pitcher uncovered.  She asked me a long time ago to not only cover it, but cover it up with a napkin.  So that a cockroach won't get in.  Check, I do that every time.  In her story I'm this horrible villain that didn't do this one time and out of the blue a cockroach appeared.  I haven't seen a cockroach in the house in months.  Last time I saw one I got those baits and I haven't seen one since.  Let alone one that's going to go to the pitcher and launch themselves into the water.  Like why?  For my own health I need to teach myself to totally ignore her and never listen to a thing she says again.

Saturday, October, 11, Today's bookmobile event was us showing up at the reopening of Fremont park.  There were good size crowds, and the bookmobile was busy.  It did help us some that we were on the sidewalk, and not directly with the dignitaries.  We were busy, but not too busy today.  Sad that now that we have this bookmobile going smoothly that we're not going to do this for the foreseeable future.

The pretty Armenian girl from the park's department walked by the bookmobile early in the morning.  Following was one of her cute coworkers.  TheLooker also showed up.  She was working at one of the other booths.  There was also a parade of nice ladies at the park today.

One of the new MILFs at storytime was at the park today.  She remembered me from storytime and introduced herself to me.  Cynthia.  Nice!  She's pretty.

Sunday, October, 12, Weeks ago Ilsa said we should go to Disneyland for Halloween time.  She couldn't make it on the original Tuesday date, so we went to Disneyland today.  There isn't much to say, it was Disneyland.  I arrived nearly two hours before she arrived, so in that time I was able to get on the Matterhorn, the submarines, Tiana's and Star Tours.  Riding the Matterhorn while skinnier makes a difference.  No more hip pain.

After Ilsa arrived everything we did was slow.  I think I got on the same amount of attractions before she arrived than after she arrived.  This always happens.  I don't like that about these Disneyland visits.  It's not all her fault, there are more people in the park after 11am.  That's why I like going early.  The park is nice when there are fewer people around.

I wanted to get a Dole whip before leaving the park.  Ilsa and I had to mobile order it, because they don't have anyone working a register at the tiki bar.  The window for pick up was about thirty minutes.  We saw that Small World had a wait time of twenty-five minutes.  Well, we went to Small World and the line was moving.  Until it wasn't.  We waited for forty minutes and didn't get on.  On our way back to the tiki bar I got a message saying my window had closed.  They were cancelling my order.  I don't think this is a good way of doing mobile ordering.  I feel compelled to write to the company about this fiasco.  I'm sure nothing is going to change, so I'll just never have a Dole whip again.  Because I refuse to use mobile ordering.

Monday, October, 13, Today was the all staff meeting at Deukmejian park.  Gotta say, the park is way pretty.  The first person to speak was kinda out of sorts, in that the speech didn't seem to focus on any one thing.  The second guy was better, but as someone said I've had enough talk of deescalation.  I want to talk about escalation.  My supervisor was next, and that was a total mess.  She was there to talk about circulation policy and she was looking bad.  I had to prompt her on several of the questions asked about policy.  It's like she didn't even know certain things.  And at one point she spoke about the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law.  Basically telling us to do what we wanted.  This is how we got into this circulation nightmare.  Everyone already does what they want.

Anyway, the entire day was nice.  During our meditation break I went out looking for birds.  The entire day the sky was threatening rain, but it was beautiful.  Such a beautiful day.  The talk is that it's going to rain tomorrow.  There was certainly that energy in the air.

I got to TheGirl's place as my usual stop on Mondays after work.  A tradition that started when I worked Monday nights at Montrose.  TheGirl would walk up to Montrose, sometimes with her daughter, and meet me there for closing time.  Then I would drive us to her place down the hill.  So when Cheyenne came along she became part of the tradition.  I walked in tonight and Cheyenne greeted me at the door.  It would be the last time.  As we talked Cheyenne went out to the backyard and when she took a little longer than usual.  I told TheGirl that maybe she should open the door for her.  Cheyenne was having so much trouble with her legs that she sometimes couldn't get through the doggie door.  I thought this was one of those times.  Just then TheGirl said she heard a thump, and when we went out Cheyenne was in a heap at the foot of the steps.  She couldn't find the strength to get up.  After a short while we got her to step back up to TheGirl's place.  But it took almost all she had to walk into the house.  The last straw was when TheGirl's daughter came in.  Cheyenne gave it one more push and then fell again.  She never got up again.  We knew it was time.  TheGirl called the vet, but she only offered to have Cheyenne go to the office to put her down.  TheGirl didn't want that.  She wanted Cheyenne to be home, on her spot on the couch.  Next followed a scramble to find a vet that could make a house call.  After a search we found one that was able to come.  They showed up and then the rest happened.

The vet gave us time to say goodbye.  The three of us, TheGirl, her daughter, and me, said our goodbyes.  We were with her until the end, like TheGirl wanted.  It was a shock, and now she's gone.  I'll never have the pleasure of having her lick my face ever again.  I loved Cheyenne very much, and her passing is going to hurt forever.  She was a significant part of my life for the last eleven plus years.  When they put the first drug into her she went to sleep, and started to snore.  The running joke was that when we snore we are sawing the wood to build our cabin in the woods.  After they injected the second drug that stops the heart Cheyenne slowly got quiet.  Until she was gone.  I leaned in and told her, "You finished your cabin."

A few entries prior I wrote that my aunt makes my life bitter.  Today was her moonshot of stupid.  I called home to tell her I was going to be late, and why.  About half an hour later she calls me to tell me that I shouldn't pay any of the vet bills.  That's all I had to hear.  I immediately hung up.  When I got home I debated what I was going to do.  I wanted to tell her to shut her mouth.  I wanted to just ignore it.  I wanted to punch her.  I did the first.  I gave it to her with both barrels.  I told her she was a horrible person who says horrible things.  And I added that I never want to hear her advice ever again.  I thought about how her stupid water pitcher statement made me think she had jumped the shark.  Boy, was I wrong.  I may never talk to her again after this.  I'm considering all the things I do for her out of the goodness of my heart that I now don't want to do.  I get her pills ready each week.  Maybe now I won't.  When I go grocery shopping I get things she wants.  Maybe now I won't.  This moment changes everything.  She crossed a line tonight.  I'm devastated that we had to let Cheyenne go tonight.  And she is calling me saying idiotic things to me about bills.  Fuck this shit!

Tuesday, October, 14, On Sunday, Ilsa told me that she knew a girl that was asking about me.  Ilsa gave me her Instagram account information and I went ahead and requested she share her feed with me, since hers was private.  Ilsa told me that this woman was interested in me.  Last night, after everything that happened with Cheyenne, I was at home and I noticed she still hadn't approved of my request.  So, I retracted the request.  Bye, bye.  I don't need this right now.  Cheyenne's passing is going to be a sea-change moment in my life.  I put a lot of things on hold, because I didn't want to be too far if something happened to Cheyenne.  I didn't even want to go to Solvang, for fear that TheGirl would text me that Cheyenne had fallen.  Cheyenne's death now opens a lot of doors that I wanted to keep locked shut.  Now I can tell people they can go fuck themselves.  Now I can ignore all these dummies.  Now I can honor her life by doing what I want.  If this random woman needs days and days to approve my request... well, then maybe she isn't in a place where she can handle things like this.

I had the day off since I'm working on Saturday.  Bookmobile again.  I figured I would spend the day with TheGirl, so she wouldn't be alone.  I can't be there all the time, but I wanted today to be special in a quiet way.  It also happened to be TheGirl's daughter's birthday today.  Hard.  I told her we could just go to the mall and walk.  Then she suggested that we celebrate her daughter's birthday at Don Cuco in Burbank.  When I got in the car I noticed the headrest had some marks that were made by Cheyenne's snout.  I had to laugh a little, but it did make me sad.  The pillow of a boxer in the backseat of TheGirl's car is what got me crying.  I held on to Chan as hard as I could.  I left Chan holding the pillow.  TheGirl saw.

At lunch I ordered a margarita, and they served me a giant sized one.  Good, I need a drink... badly.  The Don Cuco in Toluca Lake never serves their margaritas this big.  What gives?  When I got home I was talking to my buddy, and I had some whiskey.  I need whiskey to get through this.  All of it.

Wednesday, October, 15, While on the route today I got a lot of feedback from my fellow coworkers.  Mainly that the lady who spoke on Monday, Michelle, was not liked.  Well, her speech was not liked.  Everyone I spoke to said it was pointless.  One person said that it sounded like she prepared it the night before.  Maybe because she kept on saying, "I was on your website last night...."  Maybe not wait until the last moment to get a speech ready.  And also, I would have thought she had some prepared remarks.  I guess not.

TheGirl mentioned that it was hard coming home from running errands today and seeing Cheyenne's usual spot empty.  Nothing is going to be easy about this.  I'm going to break down a lot in the months to come.  In the years to come.  It will obviously get easier over time, but it won't ever be gone.  That's always the pain we have when we lose someone.

For our first dinner without Cheyenne we went to the Yardhouse in Burbank.  We sat inside, and TheGirl didn't like how noisy it was.  I didn't either.  We usually sit outside, because we had Cheyenne.  The patio gave us freedom from dummies around us.  I told TheGirl that we can still choose to sit outside sometimes.  I told her earlier in the night that I wanted to print out a picture of Cheyenne and have it in a little frame where we can have it on the table as we eat.

Thursday, October, 16, I started out the day with a big cry while I was getting my breakfast ready.  I was thinking about my routine when it came to editing Cheyenne videos on Thursdays at the library.  Now I don't have that.  But it's harder for TheGirl.  When I told Gitmo about Cheyenne I cried.  Same with Katie.  When I wrote the tribute for TheGirl I didn't allow myself to cry, because I was on the desk.

Vivian called out sick today.  Her replacement was going to be Jaclyn, but she also called out sick.  So Gitmo canceled storytime, but not stay and play.  The cute MILF, Cynthia, said hello to me this morning.  We had about five or six "eyes meet" moments during her visit.  It certainly doesn't mean anything, but those moments were nice today after all that's happened.

I grabbed all my things this morning and was ready for the day.  When I went to lunch I found that I had forgotten my salad dressing.  ARGH!  It's always something.  Fucking bullshine!  I had to go to Ralph's across the street to get a bottle.  I had thoughts of leaving a bottle here anyway.  Now I have.

TheGirl asked me the other night to write a tribute so she could post it on Facebook.  The last couple of days have been busy, so I made time while at work today to write the following.

Good-bye, Cheyenne.  Our pal, our punky, peacefully passed away Monday night.  We loved her with all our hearts, and the world loved her too.  She returned all the affection everyone gave her in abundance.  That is why it is so hard to now be left without her.  It was love at first sight, and we spent eleven years of our lives together: traveling, hiking, and putting a million miles on our daily walks.  Getting old is something we all experience, but it's hard when your lifespan isn't much more than a dozen years on this Earth.  I will miss her every day for the rest of my life.  She is gone, but her presence in my life enriched it when I needed it the most.  Those who loved Cheyenne are going to miss the "loves" she gave us.  We're going to miss her pawing at us saying, "Give me food."  We're going to miss the licks.  We're going to miss "that look."  Most of all, we're going to miss the companionship.  She was our pal.

TheGirl loved it.  It's from the heart, I told her.  She said, "Yes!"

As I write this I'm at work catching up on writing this journal.  I'm not sure how I'll handle seeing my aunt tonight and going forward.  I've told other people what she said and everyone thinks it's horrible.  Because it's horrible on many levels.  She didn't have to say anything.  Especially minutes after Cheyenne's passing.  She's always compelled to say something stupid, wrong, and tasteless.  I've put up with it for all these years, but it must end.  Tonight I saw her open the front gate for me in the evening.  Maybe it's some sort of peace offering.  Yeah, maybe there will be some detente from here on out.  At the same time I feel this is something unforgivable.  It came from a horrible place, and a horrible person.  It's not like this is the first bad thing she's ever said to me.  It's just the latest and worse.

Friday, October, 17, I picked up the delivery van with the new mirror.  I think from now on I will bring the mirror in at the end of the shift to sorta protect it from dopes.  What we really need is what we used to have... a protected place to park the van.  Oh well.

I walked up to the Montrose library this morning only to find that someone had placed a sticker advertising a locksmith on the front door.  I had a feeling it was wrong, but I didn't want to take it off.  So I emailed the manager.  I didn't expect a reply, so I left.  She did reply, and she told me to take the sticker off.  I told her I was already gone.  I wonder why these dopes think it's OK to do this.  Because this implies that the library endorses their work.  Dumb.

Today I had two dummies tailgating me.  One even honked his horn at me to move faster.  Dude, I'm going the speed limit.  I'm not going to race a city vehicle.  These dummies can't intimidate me into doing the wrong thing.  Nope.

Saturday, October, 18, My room was really cold this morning.  I left my window open last night, and it was cold in my room when I woke up.  But I loved it.  I am still wearing my cut off shirt, but I did have to use my bed cover to stay a bit warm.  I rather deal with this kind of weather than the heat.  Million percent.

Today's bookmobile event was in front of the police department.  The bookmobile was one of the many vehicles that the city uses, including a bunch of cop cars.  We were super busy today.  Jaclyn wasn't feeling it after a visit from this guy that always makes comments at city council meetings.  He asked her for her email and she is now worried.  I told her that she can just junk his emails.  He asked her while I was having lunch.

My buddy Vagabundo invited me to get some tacos after work.  He directed me to a taco stand on Sherman Way.  As per usual, we talked about a great many things.  He's still dealing with the break-up.  That's understandable.  I'm still dealing with Cheyenne.  And now this flaky lady has entered my life and I'm not sure that I want to put the energy into this that it might require me to move this forward.

Sunday, October, 19, Wasn't sure what I wanted for breakfast today.  I didn't want to eat the second half of yesterday's quesadilla, but I didn't know what to make.  So, I grabbed a chicken patty from the freezer and put it in the air fryer.  Then I got a tortilla and some guac and boom... scavenger breakfast.

I wasn't sure what to make for lunch this week, so I asked TheGirl for an idea.  She said chicken salad, so I went to the market and got a chicken fillet.  I mixed it all up with Duke's mayo, and boom... chicken salad.  First time making it, but it's super similar to making tuna salad.  This is going to be a strange week.  I don't work Tuesday again, but I'm working late Friday.

The other day I was taking off my backpack and the shoulder strap got caught in the loop and it ripped the strap off one side.  Today I tried to fix it.  Thanks to my glasses I was able to pull it off.  Otherwise no way.

I noticed that I had a message in my inbox from a girl that Ilsa mentioned to me last week when we were at Disneyland.  I requested her friendship on Instagram.  She didn't answer the request last week so I rescinded it.  But yesterday she started following me, so I requested again.  This time she said yes, and we started chatting.  Supposedly she's interested in me.  We shall see.

Monday, October, 20, When I got into work I noticed that the book bins I had left on Friday were still on the book truck.  Untouched.  I left the books in place.  Some other dope can take care of them.  I'm done cleaning up someone else's mess.

Someone brought some popcorn and left it in the circulation office.  I love popcorn, so I tried some.  Maybe it's because I'm eating less, and so these days I'm starving myself... but this popcorn tasted so amazing.  I have popcorn at home, but I never pop it.  I should really make it part of my snack all week long.

I ran into a former library coworker, Ani, while I was going to the treasury department.  I had a few minutes, so I walked and talked with her.  I have always had a thing for Ani.  I've always found her to be attractive and interesting.  I missed her when she went from working at the Brand library to working at water and power.  She likes her job, but she says her bosses are bullshit artists.  Ain't that the way these days?  Everywhere you go, dummies are in charge.  She told me she walks her dogs in Montrose on Sunday mornings.  She's lost a bunch of weight.  I would have to wake up super early to meet her for that walk at 7am.  But I would get my steps in.  Maybe not this weekend, but next week I'll try to go up there with her.  I would still have time to get some food for my aunt and I, and go on my errands.  We shall see.

It's been a week since Cheyenne's passing, but it really feels like it's been longer.  This last week was hard.  Everything reminded me of Cheyenne.

Tuesday, October, 21, I had today off because I'm going to work on the bookmobile on Friday.  However, San Marino was having trouble printing the files I sent out their way.  So I went out to there to print the files I had on my computer.  On the way there Mala called me to ask if I could cover at Casa.  I reminded her that I would go over my hours, and she said that they had clearance to pay me overtime.  Well, alright!

I got acquainted with my old friend, the big printer after so many months.  Cindy told me that my JPEG files were not working, so I had to go back to my master file and redo everything as a PDF.  Not only that, but she wanted to use the small twenty-four inch paper, so I had to make adjustments for that.  Since I now had a curfew, I had to work fast.  I had planned on leaving San Marino at 1pm to start at Casa at 2pm.  But I had to stay until I finished printing, and I finished just before 1:30pm.  I raced to work and that was that.

I originally had today off, but I ended up working a lot of hours today, because everyone is out sick.  Casa is sorta easy money in the evenings, because there isn't much to do.  I just sit there and do some journaling and such.  I didn't get to do much of that today, but that's OK.

I got home and retired to my backyard.  I was chilling in my back there, while talking to Vagabundo on the phone when I started to hear sounds coming from the tin roof.  It wasn't that much, and it didn't even last long enough to get the floor wet.  But it reminded me that I have to patch up the tin roof.  Hurry!

With the sudden rain I thought to text TheGirl and ask her what our plan B was for dinner tomorrow.  When it rains our choice of places to eat were limited due to us having Cheyenne.  We would end up going to certain places because we could be sheltered and still sit outside.  So my question came from that place in my mind that was thinking ahead.  Then TheGirl responded that we don't have to sit outside now.  That hurt.  I forgot Cheyenne was gone for a moment.  It hit me and I cried.  I miss her so much.  It's going to take a long time to not think of a plan B.

Wednesday, October, 22, I've gotten up some mornings lately and found bruises on my arms, and not knowing when and where I got them.  I woke up some time last night and I think I fell on my chair and broke it.  And I mean it was in pieces.  The thing was already falling apart from a night many years ago when I slammed it to the floor.  So me falling on it some time last night finally broke it.  I took the above picture at 4:31am.  I had a pain on my left shoulder blade.  I set up my camera to record things in my room at night, but it didn't catch this.  I'm going to turn up the sensitivity of the camera, because I think I'm sleepwalking.  Either that or I'm so sauced from the whiskey that I'm blacking out.

My coworker Tony called out yesterday, so there was no delivery.  Naturally I got slammed today.  This only ever happens to me, because I never call out.  I don't remember the last time I called out sick.  My coworker is out at least a half dozen times a year.  I mean, he is older than me.  I thought he was sixty-two, but he told me the other day that he's sixty-seven.

The so-called Sound Space is completely unused most days.  Because of this the librarians wanted to at least do something in that room.  Born from that is the sadly named GLACcast.  Solomon was a broadcaster in a former life, from what I understand.  I listened to the podcast and it was pretty good.  I will have to tell him I'm interested now that it's a thing.  Mainly because they have this concept of playing five songs in order to tell something about ourselves.  Like why this song and the significance of that song.  I like the idea enough to participate.

TheGirl and I decided to sit outside on the patio of Dog Haus.  We both said that we have the permission to sit inside as well, but tonight we decided to sit outside.  The food was yummy.  I wanted the love boat with tots, but they made a mistake and gave me fries.  The fries were super good, so I didn't mention the mistake.  Besides, the main reason for tots was Cheyenne.  When we got ready to go TheGirl went to use the restroom and I stayed outside.  The empty spot on the patio where Cheyenne would have been was empty.  That hurt.

After dinner we drove over to the heart of Toluca Lake to walk around and check out the Halloween decorations.  We took Chan along, and at one point hims made a friend.  There was a young girl that was standing in front of one of the decorated homes, showing Chan a severed hand.  Chan gave her a high five.  To both the severed hand and her hand.  Nice.  That monkey has his charm.

Thursday, October, 23, I want to have a frame with a picture of Cheyenne for when TheGirl and I go to dinner.  To have so we can place it on the table and still have her with us, in a way.  She will never leave our memories.  Cheyenne was so impactful in our lives that we will remember her forever.

Since I didn't have to be at work until 3pm I figured I would run some errands today.  First on the agenda was fixing the leaky back awning.  I went to the hardware store and got some mud, or whatever it's called, to patch up the little holes on the roof.  There are little spots that are right between the house and the metal awning.  I got up on the roof and did my thing up there.  There I tried patching under, because I can't get to certain areas of the tin roof.  Let's hope my patch job works.

I got an email today from my supervisor saying that come next week I'm going to train a new back-up delivery driver.  It happens to be the new girl, Abby.  This is going to be interesting.

I had an interesting assignment tonight at Casa... be there for a filming.  The show Bad Monkey filmed a couple of scenes for an upcoming episode.  My job was to lock up at the end of the night.  I pretty much made myself as small as possible.  At one point they asked me to come outside and I did.  I basically stayed on the back stoop the rest of the night.  Originally the plan was for me to be there until 10:30pm, but the show wrapped up early and I was out of there and home by 8:30pm Not a bad job.

Friday, October, 24, Tonight's bookmobile event wasn't just bookmobile, we were asked to attend the Halloween night at Edison elementary.  Cool.  We were quite busy.  This is our second to last event we will work until they find some money in the budget.  So, it will probably be a long hiatus, since these fools keep saying the library has no money.  Sure we don't.  There isn't much to report about tonight.  Just a lot of check outs.  I did try using the wand to check books out and it failed.  On my second patron of the night it failed to read a barcode and I just gave up on it for the reliable scanner.

Saturday, October, 25, I peed myself again last night.  This time I did capture it on my security camera.  All I remember is having to pee and not even making it out of my room.  ARGH!  This has to stop.  Things have to change.  To hide my crime I threw all the peed on clothes into the washing machine.  I felt that if my aunt said something I could say it's because I'm working today.

I went out to Claremont today to visit my friend Katherine and check out what they call the Village Venture.  Which is basically a fair filled with food, wine, and gifts.  I love Claremont now.  Right away I got some wine from one of the booths.  Then I went walking, and then I met up with Katherine.  Not many details to say, since it was more action than anything.  But it was fun.

At one point I did end up at a tapas bar.  I had a dish called carne de vaca, along with some sangria.  Good place to try again.

As I was leaving to go to my car I took off my jacket.  While walking around the different booths I bought some stickers.  Katherine bought me some stickers that I had picked out.  They were all in a little bag.  When I took off my jacket, because I was getting warm they must have flown out of my pocket.  Because when I got back to my car I checked all my pockets and I didn't find them.  What a dummy I am.

After leaving Claremont I went to San Marino to take pictures at the Michael Connelly event.  There isn't much to say about that, since it was just me taking his picture a million times.  It was cool, because he's a big get.  I had fun.

Sunday, October, 26, Inspired by my walk while listening to the soundtrack of the Great Pumpkin yesterday, I decided to bust out the DVD of that show.  I watched it with Chan on my lap.  I loved it so much I watched it twice.

I went to the 99 Ranch market and found that strawberry Coke I love.  They also had peach Coke.  This should be interesting.

The one sticker I didn't lose yesterday was one that I had in another pocket.  I put it on my car today.

Gisela hasn't responded to my last text from Saturday.  I think I'm done.  It's enough.  If she wants to contact me she knows where to find me.

Monday, October, 27, I had this idea that I would ask TheLooker, or someone else, to go to the Bob Baker theater.  But you know what?  Why should I ask anyone?  I need to just do things on my own.  So I bought a single ticket for Bob Baker.  I went to Solvang on my own, but I did want to ask TheGirl if she wanted to go.  For sure I have to suppress any thoughts of asking any of these other ladies anything.  I'm alone, and that's how I'm going to comport my life.

I'm trying to remember how many people I have trained at the library at this point.  Today I got to train Abby to do the route.  She's nice.  She went with the flow today.  The route seems easy, but there is a lot to remember.  I have a document that has all the steps, but there are so many little things in between.

I got home and talked to my aunt and she told me that she ate my turkey sandwich from yesterday.  Then she asked if it was pork.  She's nearly eighty years old and she can't tell the difference between turkey, pork, beef and chicken?  Also, turkey doesn't taste anything like pork.  She then went ahead and told me that the chicken quesadillas she made yesterday were no good because they were flavorless and she added some of the tomato sauce I had bought the other day.  The sauce is a meat sauce, but I didn't know they made it with both beef and pork.  So because it has pork my aunt doesn't want to eat the quesadillas.  But she was willing to eat my sandwich, no problem, even though she thought it was pork at some point.  She's not having a good time lately.  Hey, I know what that's like.  This year was pretty good, until late September.  I was falling apart, making a bunch of mistakes, and then Cheyenne had to be put down.  And that made this the worst year.  So I know my aunt could be going through something like that.  It's only a sandwich, which was just OK.

Tuesday, October, 28, I weighed myself this morning and I was sub 180 lbs for the first time in a long time.  One hundred seventy-seven to be exact.  NICE!  The journey to one sixty continues.  That is the weight on my driver's license.  That was what I weighed when I was in high school.

I wanted to buy a frame for Wednesday night dinners, so we could have a picture of Cheyenne with us when we go out.  I already ordered the pictures, but I needed a frame.  So I went to IKEA to get a nice 5 x 7 frame.  Nothing too fancy, just in case I lose it.  Oh, now that I think about it, I should print out my name and phone on the back of it, so if I do forget it the restaurant can let me know.  After finding two frames, identical except for one being white and the other being black, I went to the mall next door to get my steps.  I walked for nearly two miles.  It's funny the etiquette of the mall walkers.  My buddy says that when he goes out for a walk he always encounters looks.  I don't try to look anyone in the eyes anyway.  That's in general.

I told my aunt I would be home by 2pm, but even after IKEA and the mall it was still too early to go home.  So I took a ride on the Griffith park trains that are not the one at Travel Town.  I want to try to go to these trains for Christmas, but I'm not sure that TheGirl will be in too much of a festive mood by then.  That's understandable, but I feel that now she can do all the things she felt guilty about doing before Cheyenne passed.  I also understand that she is now going to feel another kind of guilt when she goes out.  She already said that last week she was out with her brother and in the back of her head was the thought that she had to get back home in a timely manner.  That used to be because of Cheyenne.  Not any more.  Believe me, I feel the same way about all this.  At dinner I'm sure we're going to be asked when we go to our favorite places without her where she is Cheyenne.  It's only natural when you see a patron with their pup that when they don't show up with them that there's some reason why the pup isn't there.  In our case it's not just a matter of leaving her home this once.  She's just not here anymore.  I miss Cheyenne so much.

TheGirl got me a package of hot cocoa last year for Xmas.  But I haven't even touched it.  Tonight I decided to have some.  I also had the bright idea of taking some for us to have tomorrow night.  Anyway, I had some yummy hot cocoa tonight.

Wednesday, October, 29, Day two of training the new person on the route.  I'm not going crazy with details, since I'm pretty sure she may not drive the van for many weeks or even months.  By then all the training will be forgotten, and she will have to fall back on the paperwork I gave her.

Anyway, at lunch we were chillin and I noticed I had too much soup in my bowl.  She says to me, you don't have to finish it all.  You're done.  Yes, I am done.  I had fallen back on my old programming of thinking I HAVE to finish every bit of my food.  Even if I did finish it all, it won't help some starving kid in another country.  I hate throwing food away, but I also don't do it all the time.  Nor do I intend to make it a regular thing.  But just this once... I'm done.  I'll just scoop less soup for tomorrow.

After the route I went upstairs to use the bathroom, since the downstairs one was being cleaned.  While up there I visited with Joe and I saw a letter on his desk that looked interesting.  I picked it up and it was an offer to buy the library property.  The offer was for $13,000 roughly.  But, I read it wrong and thought it was $13M.  Joe corrected me and we both had a laugh about how $13,000 wouldn't get you much more than a dozen square feet in LA.  If that.

TheGirl wanted to go to Don Cuco for dinner tonight.  I didn't have a preference, but in the back of my head I think we should go to some places that were not Cheyenne friendly.  Not just to go, but to also move on a bit.  I don't have to say that by moving on I mean forgetting her.  Never.  That will NEVER happen.  Her memory is seared in my memory.  Nor do I want to forget her.  But there is such a thing as moving on, and living.  Again, now we can have some food that we couldn't before.  It's not a mark on Cheyenne's legacy.  It's just getting a meal.  Nothing we do will bring her back... I wish there was a way.  We will always honor her memory.  Next week we plan on going to Isabella's.  Perhaps TheGirl wants to do a tour of our old haunts, then try something new.

We walked by the Warner Bros. studio tour.  Across the street is a building that Warner Bros used to own, but they sold it to Worthe.  Now Worthe has been renovating it for the better part of a year.  If not longer.  The courtyard was open tonight, so we walked around it.  It's wonderful.  I wonder if we could have a picnic there one night, I suggested to TheGirl.  We shall see.

Thursday, October, 30, I had a restless night last night.  I slept, but I seemed to have slept in stages.  I must have gotten up at least three time, and maybe more like five.  The security camera in my room recorded the motion, but as I write this I don't remember how many times I woke up.

I also felt like my hands were feeling that tingling as if they were numb.  I've felt that on my right hand for a couple of days, but tonight I felt it on both of my hands.  And it was more intense.  As I write this I'm at work and I don't feel that tingling sensation.

Tony set aside some bins for the children's float, because these jokers take all the good bins for that.  So he gave them some ratty bins for the float stuff.  But, some dumb dumb at Central didn't notice that the bins said children's on the side and put them in the delivery stuff.  ARGH!  Do people not have eyes?  I'll have to fix this tomorrow.  Actually, I'm surprised that Tony didn't catch this.

Mary did the holds today and she hands me the paper and tells me she didn't find two.  I went and check and found them right where they were supposed to be.  Hmmm... strange.  How did Mary miss such obviously available books?  This is the second week she's done that.

There were a series of emails back and forth from Syco to some lady from the city about the upcoming Veteran's day event.  I was asked to work it, but I was given no information on what I was supposed to do.  Other than represent the library.  The lady from the city told Syco in the last email I was looped in on that it was specifically for services for veterans.  Yeah, that's not the library.

Mary got her login fixed in desk two, so now it will print.  So she moved back to being in desk two, and I got to return to desk one.  It sure made journaling easier on me tonight.

Friday, October, 31, Not much to report on the final training day.  It went well.  Abby is good.  She doesn't remember every little thing, but after going out only four times I wouldn't expect her to know.  She drove well, which counts for a lot.  We'll see when she actually gets to cover for me or Tony.  Most likely Tony.  She said that Tony told her that he wanted to take some time off soon.  When is soon, I wonder.  Tony has already told me that he's thinking of retiring.  Not sure when though.

I would write more about today if I wasn't so pooped.  It's been a long day... week... month.  I'm done.